CW:

Worry over death. Songs of ow. Swimming through nightmares. Growing bits and not noticing them!

We nearly collapse against the wall the second the big stupid cunt passes from view.

Everything hurts more than it ever has before. Even… even back during our second merging. And we had to sleep for days and days after that!

“Ina…” Comes the soft worried murmur of our wonderful duenna.

But, we need to get everyone safe before we can consider rest. Or… or let ourselves really absorb everything that just happened.

Part of us… the smaller spirit. We think? Reaches back to brush fingers across her arm. To both gift Zigdara some assurances that we’re okay but also… just in case.

The little piece of the Weaver’s Wood that sprouted from our songless pain.

Just in case we fall apart and need her for balance or comforts or…

A monster within, something we knew from the moment its first howls reached us that… that it was something worse than any nightmare. A creature bubbling with stolen flame.

Or something.

And… Emarial’s betrayal.

“Thank you.” Are the first words we whisper. Then turn to look at the two very patient souls behind us. “For… Saving us.”

Find Zigdara more steady than us, thankfully. Eyes filled with rage and pain but… also years of training in managing such feelings. As for the Matron…

“Of course, High Duenna Inamatorii.” Veletross replies gently, even seems to sigh in relief as she meets our gaze. Eyes still that dull shade as opposed to the vibrant hues normal to her. “Is there anything else I can gift you both this night?”

“What more could we demand? Matron?” We can’t help but chuckle mirthlessly. “Your very presence could have seen any hope of our survival dashed, yet… you chose instead to risk yourself to save us. And we're not sure why.”

Her eyes shift to a dull jade at that, “It was the only reasonable option.”

That makes us pause, actually think before whispering the truth that so plainly glimmers from those haunting eyes. “You really think that?”

“Yes.” Such a small but honest smirk touches her lips. “I meant what I said.”

Oh. Fuck. Our smaller spirit sputters. Very nearly collapses back into Zigdara’s arms at the realization that brings. This Matron, the woman who very nearly helped kill us, actually wasn’t waiting for an opening to end us. Might… might actually mean what she said about wanting to help.

“Good.” We huff and can’t help but let the relief cover our expression. “Really don’t need people we thought finally showing some intelligence deciding to… to be SO stupid again.”

“Quite.” Veletross agrees and glares after the passage Emarial left from. “She… Is exactly like she was.”

Purse at that. Wanting so much to snap something unkind but the smaller starts to share softer words when–

“And you’re not?” Our lips snap.

Causing the smaller to sputter at… at how no Division of action strikes her grip from their merging with at that easy contradiction of action from the larger?

“No. Actually.” She looks back to us with a smirk. “I was a young and ambitious thing. Looking to gain my grandmama’s place as Matron to this house. Blind to the wider motions of our world until they were beyond my ability to change.”

Our little spirit looks about through weary pain to find the limits of our merger and…

Can’t spot the lines between. Not because there aren’t two distinct spirits but…

We seem to have drifted into unexpected waters, love. The larger murmurs. I… I’m so sorry. I’m not sure the damage our time without the protections of Amwella caused. It… We can weave more healing into our song before we rest, of course. But…

Trails off as wordless understanding settles between us.

“We should get back to the others, make sure everyone is safe and finish our work.” Zigdara intones into the silence.

“Yes.” We sigh and nod. “We’ll speak on all this later, Matron.”

“Of course, High Duenna.” She replies with nothing but polite earnest words. “As has been offered before, but now I hope you both understand the earnestness of my words, come to me with any needs you may have. I will fulfill them to the best of my abilities.”

** ** **

“How would more Amwella not help?” Kque presses from behind as she and Yrelia help us shrug off the torn and stained clothes.

“All the Amwella in the Waking World and Her Dreams wouldn’t reverse time. This is no longer a manner of healing but… Adapting. Like a fish in new waters.” We reply, barely able to keep our words from slurring.

Even more tired than before. Any second spike of energy long faded. Barely remember all the things after the Matron and Zigdara led us back. Just… our lovers rushing up to check on us. In hushed tones asking for answers and explanations while pulling us close. Seeing our pains and weariness

We… gave some answers. Zigdara offered more sharp retelling. After that they focused on just… being there. Finishing the night as close as possible.

Think everything went smoothly from there. Us braving the cold night to make sure the Arudian males had a good first meeting with the first group from the Azure Compact. Trying to… to give people assurances that what just happened was not a thing they should worry over. Just… focus on helping them live well.

Please.

“Loves… You’re softening words.” Tasii states evenly while moving around to meet our weary gaze. “This is bad, and we need to know how much.”

Let out an easy sigh and tired smile for our second lover. Whisper gently. “We’re not saying goodbye to anyone tonight, love. Just… might have to sleep a longer amount than normal.”

“How much? Will it… be like the time before?” Kque asks while helping us up into the bed we’ve chosen.

The biggest in the house. So… so everyone could be close. Even Zigdara is gathering an eternity of cushions so she can make the big fluffy chair comfy.

If you spot this story on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

“Could be. We’re… Not sure. That pain was caused by wretched Division and Aceso’s curse. While this…” We trail off, try to… to find the words past all this.

Try to explain what this feels like. Poke and prod and wiggle about a bit like one might with a hurt ankle. Trying to find the limits of the injury and form words for our brilliant girls.

“Loves?” Yrelia prompts from behind us.

“Hm?” We reply softly.

“Can’t sleep just yet.”

“Nope. Not even trying.” We murmur, wiggling deeper into her embrace. “Just… trying to find the best way to explain this. But the words aren’t fitting to the feelings inside. Like… trying to explain colors to someone who has never seen them.”

“Okay, then we can just ask questions.” Jevita suggests.

Let eyes adjust to focus and… oh. Everyone is here now. So we smile tiredly and nod to her.

“Is this like what you were both worried about before?” Tasii asks from behind, snuggled close to hold both ourselves and Yrelia. “With your merging becoming easier? And the smaller spirit getting closer to the Dreams and nightmares?”

Reach out to let a hand sway back and forth. “A little, but not really. Could be though. We still don’t know why or how that’s happening.”

“Your songs seem… quiet. Lots more than other times. Is that okay or do you both need to weave bigger ones before sleeping?” Jevita observes from beside our leg.

“Nope.” We purse our lips, then sigh. “This is like… waiting for the sun to rise. Can’t rush it.”

“Are… um…” Rahdian starts, then trails off.

“Yes love?” We encourage.

The newest member to this family blushes, and might as well visibly shiver at the ease in which we call her that. Nearly biting lower lip like we’re told our smaller spirit does before whispering. “Just wondering if you’d like me to Dream with you both.”

“Always, but… Probably n–”

“Yes, you should.” Yrelia interrupts firmly.

Might argue but…

We can barely keep our eyes open.

Body is fine with the song we wove, mind clear too! Just… Spirits feel…

Melty.

So m– much we can’t help but snuggle close and nuzzle as others ask some questions.

One of us gives answers to them as best she can. Not sure which? Probably is important.

Can’t help but giggle at how we should probably be worried like all these warm souls about us are but… Can’t seem to be afraid.

We’ll be okay. We have each other.

Always and Forever. Too close to let go now!!!

Questions are still about. Even some rumblings of… something. Not sure. Just need to rest now.

Or… at least… Until… Aceso tries to remember the ending to the thoughts from before.

I wait very patiently. Finding the missing places and filling the holes with helpful ideas. Eventually offer a thought. Dream’s End? Not the little Dream we share. But the big one that everything and everyone swims through? The one who’s Tits you like to mention a lot?

Aceso giggles and wiggles and bubbles with excitement. Memories sparking through like lightning across the night sky.

YES! Like wonderful mothers taught us to navigate! Song woven forests, Hot Rifts, Cold Rifts, Waking Worlds and Endless Nightmares within. Even the Blight between it all!

Biggest mother taught us so well! All of us. Her…

Aceso pauses, tears and a broken smile tearing across her soul as she whispers words I don’t think she’s been able to find in a very very long time.

Her little Jellyfish.

Then this big spirit comes apart in my embrace. Not like… dangerously so. Just… like… weeping as one might in a dream. With more pain than even a nightmare would risk approaching.

Miss her so much. My fifth lover sputters. Hope… hope when they find what’s left of me they… they won’t hate us. Or despise what I’ve been broken into.

Never. I promise with my everything. Your family will be so proud of you, love.

I fucked up so much! Aceso hisses into this void we rest within. Ruined everything. Couldn’t… couldn’t even keep this one little Rift safe. Even with all the Songs and Magics they taught me. Let monsters and worse use me and break me and… and hurt everyone just… just like…

Have to hold her close as such… such a horrid realization is felt between us.

Not all of those who would call themselves her parent were wonderful and kind and loving.

One was wretched.

The cunt hurt them. My mothers. Aceso growls. And I found out she had a sister of mine and was hurting her and… and had to save her. Get her home and…

That’s… when I realize where we are. Not between the Waking World and a Dream, or some safe spot devoid of all Aceso’s worst fears.

No.

We’re at the bottom of the ocean.

With nightmares swimming lazily all about. Or... sleeping?

Can’t tell.

Um… Why aren’t they attacking? I whisper to her.

She shivers and curls close. Filled with sudden fear that kinda ruins her growling reply. Doesn’t matter. Begins to twist the void around into herself. Bubbling with Rot and Blight while Ruin draws close.

W– wait. Aceso. I stammer and wrap tighter about her. Let’s… we could try to just… get out. Find our way to softer shores.

They won’t let us. She hisses, but… hesitates as no nightmares move to hurt us.

Let’s try. At least? I press, reaching up to pull her focus to me. Please?

Growls all her distaste at that but… nods. Replies with fury just barely calmed. One claw or talon bared and I’m tearing into them.

Okay. I agree and tug her with me. Start to swim upways as carefully and slowly as we can.

And… they let us. Swim about softly and quietly like just… the big messy scary fish they seem to be. A few get close and draw Aceso to hissing and spitting and even almost biting one but… I pull her close and wrangle these endless tendrils from slapping any nightmares.

And… soon we see the light above. Nightmares all about growing less thick the closer to the surface.

Why aren’t they attacking? Aceso whispers.

Not sure. I huff while paddling along.

They… they hate me. She growls. Always have wanted to break me and… and…

I sigh and turn to eye her. Love. I… I need you to help. Please. Not as strong as you and, honestly? You’re heavy.

She lets out such an annoyed giggle at that. Swirls around us and writhes all those tendrils to curl about and take up the work. Letting my limbs and spirit rest a bit.

Then we break the surface together. Both taking such a big gasping inhale of the bright sun and the cool air and… and eventually find our beach. Stumble up onto the shore and slump into the sand.

Arms and legs and tendrils splayed about us.

Everything stinging a bit from the efforts but… we made it. Safe back within the place within the Dream we can reweave as we will. Didn’t even try to do that before. Change the Dream. Not… not because we don’t think we could. Just… maybe we were doing so by swimming through peacefully?

Aceso sighs almost happily. Such a feat would suit your temperament. Walking through dangerous storms while the monsters within cannot even think to bite you.

Curl my floppy and tired head tendrils through hers. Savor the feeling of all the tiny scales that dot the flesh nuzzle others of their like as she does the… the…

Wait.

Sit up and look about. My countless limbs tugging at Aceso and pulling her soft form close. Are… I feel like we’re missing something… important.

Oh? She twists to eye me with… amusement? Gaze rolling over me while we sit, endless head noodles slipping closer and closer. Any ideas as to what that is?

Shake my head, feel my head noodles sway back and forth in worry. No. Just…

Then I feel them. All around. Warm and soft and brimming with… with so much worry and fear!

Yrelia wanted us to dream with Rahdian. I huff and let my tendrils continue their soft dances with hers. Fuck. We fell asleep before weaving that song.

Aceso giggles for some reason. Yes, but your first and seventh lover were only pressing to try and keep us safe. Which we are. And… were not in a place to sing anything else before sleep consumed us. They will understand, Challa.

Pause at that. Then whisper a question I’ve avoided for some reason. Um… What does that mean?

Hmm? What does what mean?

Challa. You’ve called me that since our first shared words and dreams. I explain.

Such a smirk tilts at her lips as she leans forward to bump forehead to mine. It… is the word for one whom I ride within. Or who carries me. The closest exact word in your language is vessel. But even that is wrong. You are the flame who has mantled my spirit, and allows me to mantle her's in term.

Oh. Is all I can whisper as my heart sputters and flutters with… with so much love for her.

The girl I realize I’ve never… um…

Hey Aceso?

She whispers gently back. Yes, Ina?

Um… I begin, mind a mess like it's never been since… since I first got swept up by our lovers. We um… so like… I remember once I asked you if… if we um… Could have sex. In a dream.

Mhm. She replies, tendrils nearly fully tangled through mine now.

Squeezing and tugging and… and wow does that distract me to think about how much I want to… to…

Then her voice is this amazing tone that makes me wriggle inside and out as she purrs. Do you remember what I said?

Nibble on my lower lip as her fingers slip through mine

That… Dream sex is the best sex. But but you also said we had to be careful. That… that you could hurt me. And I also don’t ever want you to feel like you owe me this to be my lover. My… my Challa. My… my um… yeah.

I know, and I did. Yes. She murmurs. But that was… before. When I wasn’t being honest. And you deserved better from me. That kind of intimacy is… is something you deserve to never feel is owed to another. Never again. And I had to make sure it was you who asked after seeing all of me.

Her words bring such tears to my eyes. Make all these wonderful tendrils wiggle about as my everything else shivers and shakes under the weight of that.

My life. My body. My choice. No excuses. Always and Forever.

Thank you. I whisper, reach down to carefully and slowly tug her into a gentle kiss.

Pull back after I’m dizzy with the scent of the too sweet sea. Is… do you want to…?

Yes. She very nearly growls. Please. Yes. Fuck me.