CW:

Dream muppling! We cried here. A lot. Lore about the Zeridii. Talk of head/mate/soulmate/symphonymate death and like... losing connection to other headmates. Accepting chains and slavery to replace what was lost. Moving past and through said trauma. Loss of spiritual mobility and ability to travel.

As I wander the Pathways laid out for me… I worry I made a mistake.

Forgot to ask why Aceso calls them all the Zeridii.

It’s like my name, and hers. Pulled from an old forgotten language that probably has shifted and changed so much over the years.

Or… Should have thought to ask Jevita, or Thodep and her Maktaba if they knew.

Just… it would be rude to call them something that hurts. Of course. But… okay well, I’ll just ask when they start talking to me. Names are important, at least for people…

But… wait. The Maktaba don’t always seem to want to be like us. I think.

With a huff of a Dream sigh I shrug and keep walking.

We’ll work it out.

Because like… fuck is their Dream SO pretty!

Not a forest, or a beach, or a frozen tundra but… kinda all those things and SO much more!

Everything is a reflection, but also a… perspective? Things seen and observed but… from a unique lens of twisting colors and blossoming thoughts and… and things I really don’t understand!

Well… at least all but one thing.

The… the cracks and tears and bite marks that seem to scream from the heart of everything and nothing. Forever inside everything, but also never here anymore. Endlessly looping in on themselves and outwards into everything and nothing.

Now I see why they can stand to share a Dream with me. Why that little cutie couldn’t help but scuttle after Rahdian and me like we were a breath of oxygen after being swept beneath some great smothering wave.

They hate their… well 'body' is also a wrong word. Because this is deeper than that! Different and bleeding and it makes them want to both shatter everything they are but also hide because that’s what happened to cause this!

They were once one big happy cluster of gorgeous symmetry… and then something terrible happened…

A part of them died.

No. Even that word doesn’t work! No heart stopped or flesh went cold. They… ugh…

Yeah. Sorry. I… Even in a Dream that doesn’t really…

Oh. Okay. Thank you. Sorry again. But… yeah the rest I get.

Dysphoria is a bitch.

Can’t help but giggle as they relax at my easy understanding of that. Settle at the edges and do my best to gaze at as many of them as I can, while avoiding focusing on the wound.

I… I don’t want to force you to deal with words or thoughts about you that hurt. So… tell me what you want to be referred to as and we’ll go from…

Oh. Okay fuck. That’s…

I wince.

No, that's okay! You’re all trying your best and this is all so painfully new to you. Division within hurts. I’ll enjoy having you remind me when I meet any of you in the Waking World! But…

I’m sorry. Can that be… okay. I’ll trust you all. I don’t get it but I think I get it.

Nibble on my lip.

Me? But… I mean… I don’t think that’s a good idea. Honestly. That’s what the Obelisks were. They hurt you. Maybe helped keep you still so that wound could settle a bit but… I think we’re past that now. Don’t you?

I shrug at their reply.

No. It’s your lives. You all deserve to live them. No chains. Please don’t ask me for that.

I shiver under the pain and anger of them all.

Sometimes rest is what we need to heal, other times… like with what Alchemy leaves behind in girls like me, we have to get our butts off the bed and stretch things. Explore our limits. Walk the Paths and consider what else is out there for us. It may never be like you had before but… maybe…

They consider that for a time, then give a wibbling messy answer.

Yes exactly! Dream of what you WANT to be, not of what you are! Past the pain. I did it, and there are SO many others who did too! Me and Rahdian may be… well messier than most but we’re actually not all that alone in this! Even all my lovers were different people before, and they walked the Paths to grow beyond that! My flesh wasn’t right but… honestly my environment was terrible too! I needed a change of environment to help!

I sway back and forth.

Well… yeah. Of course. You’ll all need to be careful. Need to… to find better people to trust. So many here just… just see you as thoughtless things to be used. And… and even if you’d rather not be like… people, you should still be allowed to pick and decide what you want to be or do.

I can’t help but grin at them.

I always thought the magic from Arudia was so amazing. So wonderful and enthralling but… I’ve never seen your magic, have I? Not really.

Tears gather as they show me what Jevita helped me guess at.

See!?! Fuck. That’s… that’s beautiful. You’re all so gorgeous and pretty and… and wonderful to Dream with!

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I shake my head.

No. The wound is terrible, but… there is a… I mean… scars suck. Inside and out. But… the us that we choose to become past and over can still be amazing. Is worth everything in the Dream and beyond to see thrive and grow. You’re all so much braver and… and everyone is going to be better off now that you're free to explore who you all want to be. I don’t just know that. I SEE that! I HEAR that!

… Can I like… I know we’re already matching notes but… Can I share how you’ve inspired me? Give you all a song to carry through your futures? Hopefully… hopefully a reminder of what this silly Hetaera of the Paths sees in you all?

They accept, and I gather up my Aceso’s Amwella that burns from within me, and I sing for them.

It's not a big thing. Not like the masterpiece we wove to break the Obelisks and free them.

But… It’s mine. And I hope so much that I don’t forget it when I wake up.

Cultivation… Such a silly word for how people used the gemstones.

That name implies inner growth. Like… like maturing and coming to understand yourself and how you might slot into the world around you and… yeah.

Gemstone magic didn’t do that.

The Cultivation that inspired the name came from WITHIN the Zeridii.

They like that name though. I was worried they wouldn’t but… It’s what they agreed to do. Their promise to themselves when something important inside them broke, and they came crashing down into Arudia.

Brimming with Division and Discord. A chorus no longer able to feel each other as they once had, needing so much a new heart to keep them stable before their pain rolled out to hurt everyone here.

But beneath the thousand years of the Waking World… They've been resting.

Healing.

Cultivating themselves into new shapes and thoughts and wants and hopes and Dreams and… and everything!

Not us. The gemstones were just… an outlet. A way to mingle with the world without. But… People thoughts helped. They hurt but… they gave them a foundation to start with. Reflections to consider and compare and like… start thinking past the wound.

I wonder when Arudia forgot that? Stopped listening to this old collective?

Welp… Doesn’t matter now. Does it?

Yeah. This is going to be messy. Of course. And that’s OKAY! Just… try not to hurt anyone. Including yourselves. I know, I know, it’s not the same. But… please? It’s part of this, right? Each of you is important. Unique and wonderful and worth Cultivating.

Always.

Dream not of what you are, but of what you want to be!

Hugging them all is weird, but perfect. There are SO many of them! It’s like hugging the ocean and feeling all of it want to embrace me back!

Okay, Aceso’s probably super upset and worried and… and a mess. She’s…

I nod.

Yeah. She’s a bit like you. But like… the monster that hurt Her was someone She loved.

I can’t help but gasp, then hug them all back at the promise they gift me.

Thank you! That… I… But you’ll need to be careful of the Nightmares. Okay? And… and if you find a something inside can… can you…

Yes. Perfect! She… all the shards need SO much help and I’m just one stupid girl and Arudia is a mess and… and…

They hold me while I weep. A chorus of disjointed loving wonders. Things that even Dreams struggle to show me well. But… They gift me back some of their own songs.

A history traveling the Stars. Finding little places like my Waking World and Dreams to watch and consider and sometimes… when they were oh so careful…

Help.

They miss that. So much. Will always long to sail the pitch between the blazing stars once again, searching for new amazing places to discover. But… they’re done looking back. Done hiding from the new world that has adopted them.

So with one final squeeze, I let myself tumble backways. Through our Dream, and into my Waking World.

And of course, my lover’s arms are the first thing I feel holding us close.

Just… all of us in a big messy pile. Aceso’s the first to greet this little spirit. Nuzzling close and openly weeping the tears She’s been trying and, apparently failing, to hide from our lovers. Eventually just falling all to bit as they insisted she let them hold her through the terror at being left alone in this body.

Next is Yrelia, leaning forward from her position behind us and pressing cheek against ours. Whispering softly. “Good morning, loves.”

Loves.

Oh fuck that makes our heart jump still. More since she started using it to address us both.

“H– hi.” We murmur back, and immediately add. “S– sorry. We… it was…”

“Don’t be.” Tasii, wrapped about us both with her big arms, shushes. “Aceso explained. We trust you both.”

We slump back into their arms and let memories rise up between us as eyes roll over the room.

“Is… How did it go?” Jevita asks from her place snuggled to our right.

“Wonderful.” We can’t stop a little sob from bubbling up as the memories settle into the Larger Spirit. Fill her with heart cracking hope and worry and delight and… and all the things.

All good.

“Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Something stirs by our feet.

“I… um…” Rahdian sits up from the edge of the pile, and… fuck is it nice to see her accepting the start of mild skinship from our lovers.

But… we can’t consider that for long as the little cutie nuzzled by our feet begins to wake.

Begins to change.

What was once an odd and messy cluster of nonsense shapes and twisting fractals of seemingly endless looping reflections and edges seem to soften and solidify and… and mold itself into something new.

We all stare in shock and silence and fear but… mostly hope.

The little cutie isn’t finished, we don’t think. Basically went from a little mess of three or four different shaped creatures into… well…

This.

More bird now, with those featherless wings. Even has what looks like a cluster of eyes that… kinda remind us of some of the really cute spiders that Kque liked to show us. Long legged and SO fuzzy and SO friendly and effortlessly gliding across the freshly fallen snow.

“Hhhhhhh–” It tries to say again. Previous wind chime tone now a steadier, more melodic thing.

Rahdian untangles from the pile and carefully moves to sit in front of it.

Her little cutie sways a bit, wobbling to and fro as it blinks and looks about. Adjusting to new body and eyes.

Then it looks to us, and blurts out in a single striking note. “HI!”

A pause, then Jevita lets out such a huffing giggle.

“Hi.” Rahdian murmurs back. “I… can you…?”

“HI!” It shouts again.

“Hello, little one.” We grin at it. “How’re you feeling?”

“HI hi…. HI!!!” It replies, like a tittering of laughter barely repressed has filled it.

We chuckle. “You discovered a new word. That’s wonderful!”

It floofs out such a messy splaying of crystalline limbs and coos. “Hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi!” A pause. Then… “Help…?”

“We adore it, yes.”

And we really do.

“Both for what you are now, but what you’re thinking of becoming.”

“I…” Rahdian looks back to me. “What?”

We turn our grin to her. “They, like us, needed to change.”

“Into what?” Kque asks while watching the little cutie with widening eyes.

We shrug and giggle. “All sorts. There are so many of them and… and growing apart will be hard but… it’s the way forward.” Then we’re pulling free of the pile. Letting a touch of worry tint our voice as we rise. “But… this has the chance to get messy. We need to… to make sure to make sure people don’t… Well, they can’t hurt them. Not really. And most will find their forms out on the frozen lake.”

And our wonderful lovers understand our worries so quickly.

“But people are going to panic if their gemstones start turning into living talking beings.” Tasii nods.

“Most probably won’t do any talking but… Exactly,” We turn to regard them. “Most Gemstones will be… mostly okay. Won’t change. They aren’t like… The Zeridii have their own Dream but can form bodies from a ton of different places. The worry we have is that the more potent Gemstones give them more opportunity to… to be used. Hurt. Things like Veletross lightning crystal. Or…”

We pause, looking to Jevita as we see her stiffen in worry. “The Maktaba are disconnected. We’ll… have to help with them later. But… hopefully seeing all this will calm them. Show them we mean well when it's time.”

She relaxes and nods. “Oh fuck. That… thanks. Good to know.”

We step over and pull her into a hug. “Always. Jevita. Our lovers come first.”

“Hi.” The little cutie agrees. Wobbling over to nuzzle into Rahdian’s still transfixed form.

“Alright.” We murmur softly and pull away. “We don’t have as much Amwella as we’d like, but… we can manage. And with the Zeridii loving us the worst a cunt can do is try and stab us which…”

We tip-tap our bone leg, and hum a soft tune to sharpen it just a touch more.

“That would be a very, VERY, bad idea on their part.”