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<11/22/2012 - 13:41 | Cage High School (Outskirts), Austell, GA, USA>

Nothing could stop the tears I shed for our lives hath destroyed. The version of me that I saw exist twelve years from now was dead. The version of Zero who would live a happy loving life was also destroyed. Even if we tried everything to get as close to the same as possible, there will be subtle or severe differences, differences that I won't even know about until that time comes at us again. I tried my best to explain this to Lumina, but only after I forced her to give me some space and time to think.

Class was too distracting, so I soon enough came back outside, to the outskirts of the school yards where I was unlikely to be interrupted or discovered. Regardless of how I felt about my own future, I couldn't suppress the guilt suffocating me, the guilt of having affected Zero's future in all this. If the vision would have instead had a negative ending, then everything would have been okay. Instead, the best possible future I could imagine for both of us has been wiped away by these forbidden eyes somehow peeking through the timeline.

Lumina wasn't her cheery self now either. I managed to convince her that everything I was experiencing was too real for her to ignore, and that I must bear the burden of the destruction I've wrought. I destroyed an entire world of possibility. The worst part, is that I can't even tell Zero anything about it, less I be forced to involve the context of what my entire life has been up to this point. Even if I only stuck to the premise of experiencing premonitions, I doubt she would believe me even on that front. So here I stood, sulking in silence for ten quiet minutes while Lumina hung around in the silence, allowing herself to feel my own emotions for a change.

After long enough, I crouched to my knees in desperation, my hands clasped together for prayer. "Please God! Whatever this power is, whatever these premonitions are, I don't want them anymore. I don't care who put them here or why I keep having them. Please just make them stop. Make the visions stop, I beg of you!"

Lumina held her tongue, leaving me to my repentance. I was never normally one for prayer. I've recently been losing faith that there is a benevolent god, after the contradictions I've found in the Bible, the horrible manner in which homosexuals are treated, and to the reason why anyone would be given the ability to alter the future. Right now, I didn't care. If there really is a god out there, I need this one wish to be granted. I need to stop having these premonitions at all costs, before I destroy more good futures belonging not to my own. I can't go through this again. I can't be responsible for any more destruction.

"The ability to see into the future, I don't want it. Please remove this ability from me. Please..." If God does exist, there's no way it would let me destroy futures unchecked when I don't want this ability. An all-powerful deity would exert no effort in removing my powers.

Lumina waited a good minute of my silence before concluding it was safe to speak to me again. "Reed, I'm sorry for earlier. I didn't realize you felt this bad about what happened. I just don't want you to blame yourself."

"That ship has already sailed."

"Then at least tell me you're going to be okay after this. No matter what happened, the new future still isn't known, which means it's all up to what you do in the current moment. It's not over. That dream you envisioned can still happen; maybe it can be even better, but you have to do something to make that true."

I think Lumina all this time has been trying to get me to take action for my mistake, so that I have a chance to fix everything, to get our futures as close to the original truth as possible. "What can I do Lumina? I was never given a guide book on what I'm supposed to do to reach my goal. I don't know what actions I'm supposed to take in the first place to make my future a reality. Then, there's Zero's future. I don't know what to do in order to keep her on her current path, to persuade her to keep giving life to its fullest without ever giving up."

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"Have you thought about telling her?"

I turned around as if to somehow avoid the embarrassment. "How? How could I tell Zero to never change? Even if I succeed, she'll then ask me what all of this is about, and I can't tell her that. Since it's her, I can't even look her in the eyes today. If I tried talking to her about anything, the words would never leave my mind."

"There must be something you can do. Look, I don't have the blueprint to the future either. I learned a lot from watching Earth, but none of it will help advise you on what to do from here. I think you could stand to be more decisive and confident, but then that's not really who you are, is it?"

With enough thoughts on my mind, I didn't fully understand what Lumina was trying to tell me. All I could focus on was coming up with something I could do to mitigate the damage I've caused. The brilliant idea popped into my head shortly after. "Very well then. If I can't talk to them, I'll write to them instead. I'll try to convince Zero and Maddison to be mindful of what's happening around them, to care about the people they are now, and to never give up on life no matter the hardships."

"You're going to write them a letter?"

"I have to. If I can't speak to them directly, I'll hand them both a personal letter addressing the issue."

"You think it will work?"

"..." Her question was one I'd ask myself over and over. Knowing the two of them, writing such a letter would be most difficult for me. I don't know how I'm supposed to get them to understand any of it without the proper context, without the context that I'm a psychic, without the context that Lumina is an alien, or without the context of what damage I've done. All I can do is apologize and encourage them to do better by themselves. "I don't know. I still have to try." My only hope is that they one day come to understand the meaning of my words, even if it confuses them now. It's the only idea I have left.

"If it's what you want to do, I won't stop you."

"As if you could... Thanks for putting up with me today Lumina. I know this isn't a normal situation, but I feel a little bit better now."

"You should expect nothing less. Remember the vows we made to each other? No matter what problem you face, no matter how unique, I'll always be here for you, even if there isn't anything I can do directly."

That's the Lumina I know, the woman I fell in love with. I'm so glad she's here with me now. "What about my desperate plea to never have another premonition again? You think that will work?"

"There's only one way to find out."

"Yeah, that idea doesn't really put me at ease... Still, as it stands now, the future is different, in ways I don't currently understand. But that's how it has to be. Since I've seen the future, that future has changed into something else, making it unknowable all over again. Nobody can ever know the future long before it happens; it's supposed to be this way. Not knowing means we can keep our hopes alive, untouched by the variable of doom."

"I suppose so..." Lumina didn't sound so sure, and she was about to express her reasons why. "But, what happens if you really do fail to move up north and live that life of paradise?" I could feel Lumina's regret in asking that question before though.

It was a perfectly valid concern to have. There was the overwhelming chance that I try everything and fail to reach that desired outcome anyway. It's the very nature and reason why I know life is not fair. "If that happens, I'll curse and forsake this world for as long as I live, in any world or level of existence. If people can't experience the life they want to no matter how much time and effort are thrown into the process, then this world really is the embodiment of hell, and I'd want to leave as soon as possible. However, I'm not going to assume my failure is imminent."

"I would never want you to. I know you can accomplish many great things Reed. I personally have a lot of faith in you. I know you can do this."

"I can try," I corrected. "That's all any of us can really do anyway; try our best, and keep trying when something doesn't go right. I don't know if my letters will keep Zero and Maddison on their paths to happiness, but I have to try and do something. Once I've taken care of them, I'll have to shift focus on myself next. I have to start thinking about what to do after I graduate from high school. No matter what, I need to move and live up north where it is cold. I won't accept anything less."

"So let me help you too; keep me involved. I may not know what exactly you're supposed to do when it comes time to getting a job, but I can give you what advice I do have. I can also help you assess probabilities on what would be the best action, if I understand the situation enough."

That's good; she's going to try her best too. Lumina and I work better as a team, so I shouldn't have anything else to worry about. Of course, until I write these letters, I'll be dragged into a never-ending void of guilt. Until I correct what I've done, there can be no other way for me to be happy. "Thank you Lumina."