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<08/04/2011 - 08:55 | Saffrin Middle School (Outskirts), Austell, GA, USA>
It's not what I want to do; it's what I have to do. No matter how many times I tried to convince myself that I was okay, I knew I was only a moment away from collapsing into myself forever. All of my entire mind was allocated to this impossible decision. I didn't want to decide, but time held me hostage to this moment. In less than another year, I'll be forced to endure another summer. If I'm still so attached to Lumina by then, I'll fall apart into tiny pieces once more, until there really is nothing left to recover.
With that in mind, I closed my eyes in shame, trying to hold my body calm against its trembling, while I concentrated on calling Lumina back. She only put the connection in phase, and I've learned by now how to bring the connection back to normal without screwing everything up, so that's what I did. I made sure Lumina knew it was time for me to deliver my decision to her. After only seconds of concentration, I gave my psionic shift all the power I had, my eyes opening again. "Lumina!"
"You— You called me back...! That must mean you've made your choice." Lumina didn't hide her pessimistic sadness when she told me that, and I didn't immediately correct her either, since it was understandable why she was about to be so upset.
Well, here goes. "Lumina? I'm so sorry for being a complete idiot. I know that you also suffered over the summer like I did. Even if my suffering was far worse, even if I have to go through that again, over and over, I don't care anymore. I don't care if it makes me go insane or not."
With a most excited gasp, Lumina perked up and asked, "Does that mean you..."
"I made up my mind! I don't know how I could be a complete idiot, but I had to remember every single detail in order to know what the right thing to do was. I remember the promise I made to myself that day, and the promise we made to each other. Do you remember Lumina? I told you that I'll always be here for you, that nothing would ever turn me away from you. All of that hell that I went through, I've been hurting because I was living life without you. Going six months without you Lumina, that will very much hurt me. It may break me, it may crack my entire mind, or destroy my entire spirit, but I can survive, knowing I'll one day see you again when the cold returns. However, trying to imagine life without you at all, to continue going on without you for the rest of eternity, well I can't imagine it Lumina. I can't imagine that, because I'd rather be dead than live in a world where you no longer exist. You mean everything to me Lumina. Everything!"
"Reed..." Lumina was crying once more, but her emotions and gesture were different this time. She was smiling, still shaking from the anticipation that I might have shut her out forever. Her tears were now those of bliss.
"A girlfriend? I don't see you as only that. It's not the reason I was so upset to not have you here with me. You're a lot more valuable than that. You want to talk about meaningful, you're the one who gave my life meaning, since the very first day we met." I wondered if Lumina might be somewhat confused by my own context, but I was talking to both of us right now, to her and to myself. All of the unhelpful thoughts bombarding my head earlier, all of the suggestions to just break it all off were thoughts I had to challenge directly. "Plus, our situation is not hopeless. There are other places we could go to. There are other states in this country that I could move to, states where the weather is always colder, and the summers are always shorter. If I can just move there, ensure I have the money and means to live on my own Lumina, we can change our lives forever. If we move out of Georgia, I won't have to suffer as much each year. So to answer your question, we aren't breaking up. We're just getting started."
"I don't know what else to say. Thank you! Thank you so much Reed."
How could I ever think about letting go of you? There's no way I'd let that happen. There's not a chance in hell! "A life without you is no life at all. I won't ever stand for that kind of thinking again. So what do you say Lumina? Will you stay with me, for as long as you possibly can, each and every single day or night where a connection is possible?" I held out my right hand flat, as if she would somehow shake it, hold it, and adore it.
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Lumina knew it wasn't possible to grab my hand under normal means. So she tried something else instead. Lumina gripped her open right hand as if it were mine, using her left. As weak as the connection was, the physical sensation of her touch transferred through, allowing me to feel the pressure hold of both her hands inside my own. Despite how many things I touch daily, this was the most realistic sensation I've ever felt in all my life, and it came with a promise. "You know I wouldn't have it any other way, my love."
Most of my fears instantly melted away from hearing her. I knew we were both blushing, still holding each other's hands in the strangest way. I felt as if I were gazing into her beautiful eyes right now as she spoke to me. For the first time all day, I wasn't able to resist a natural smile.
"You hear that world? Take that! In your face! No power in the 'verse can tear down our love!" Lumina was jumping up and down with giddy excitement, and the display I imagined of her doing that made me laugh a little.
It felt so good to be able to laugh like this again, to feel so excited after so long feeling nothing. "Don't get too cocky now!" I wouldn't want to jinx our fate, but spitting in the face of Mother Nature sure made me feel more powerful than before. The laws of psychics, as opposed to the laws of physics, state that no psionic transmissions can be made from a node surrounded by enough heat. I cannot bypass such a law, but I can find ways to live around it. More than that, I have a new purpose in life, one I can clearly recognize and be proud of. "You and I are going to be better than boyfriend and girlfriend. I'm talking dates like nobody else can have, moments that are out of this world!" My hands waved in a curved gesture as if to paint an example for her, crediting her imagination rather than my own. The thought of what I would do next only made me happier, turning my voice from pain to pleasure. "I'm going to treat you right, and love you until you're smothered in our romance. You hear me Lumina? We're not done, and we never will be!"
"You have no idea how happy you've made me feel," she cried. "And that's because I love you so much too Reed."
"Lumina..."
"Reed..."
I didn't care how corny or cringy either of us looked to anybody else. This moment is everything to me. Staring into Lumina's eyes as she's staring back into mine, calling our names with this feeling, I can't describe how amazing this is.
"I love you, Lumina." I stressed my voice, putting as much feeling and meaning into my promise as possible, until I almost started crying from joy like she was.
"I love you, Reed. I'm so glad I purged you. I'm so glad it wasn't a mistake."
I clasped both my hands together, trying to sensate holding hers together. "It was never a mistake Lumina. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am to be yours. No matter what happens to us, I'm not letting this go. I'll be with you always, no matter what."
"Then I'm the luckiest woman in the world... I love you Reed."
"I want to hear you say it louder." With no resistance, Lumina submitted to my request, taking in a deep breath so that she could use her full voice again.
"I love you Reed!"
"Louder!" Don't just say it Lumina, scream it with the same passion I feel for you now!
"I love you so much!"
"I love you too Lumina!" I stuck to my own promise, screaming my declaration at the top of my lungs just as Lumina did to me, too proud to be embarrassed by it.
"Hey?! What in blazes are you doing out here?!" The stern voice of some middle-age teacher sent shivers down my spine until I sank halfway down from surprise.
I turned around, learning that all my surroundings could change in a moment's notice. There were still no other students outside besides myself, but some teacher I don't know was approaching me from a distance. I'm fully certain she heard my embarrassing chant.
"Oh-ho! Busted!" Being unsympathetic, Lumina chose to make fun of my small humiliation, proving to me that she was certainly no hallucination.
"Eherm, I was just getting back to class." That was all I could let out of my beat red face, and I decided it was time I turned around towards the doors. I need to get some distance from the teacher before she catches up to me and asks what I was shouting for.
As for Lumina, she held back no more, and was on the ground holding her stomach in hysterical laughter. Her reaction only made me feel more embarrassed about being somewhat caught outside, but I let it go on the count of seeing her so happy. I felt ten times better just realizing how happy I just made her. I felt so much better myself, like I somehow made the right choice.
Still, I'm not going to give away an opportunity for playful revenge. "Oh, you think that's funny huh? Don't worry. I'm going to get you back for this later."
"Go ahead and try." Lumina continued her laughing fit, fully confident that I'd never be able to embarrass her the same way she could humiliate me.
Actually, I think I did that to myself this time... Oh well! We're completely together now. Lumina and I are in love, and nothing will ever tear us apart, absolutely nothing!