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<10/13/2010 - 12:30 | Saffrin Middle School (English), Austell, GA, USA>
I tried going through the motions as usual in school, but nothing I did kept me distracted for too long. The music of the Altiri, the visuals I kept having of them and their world, the feeling of the cold even in a relatively warm classroom, and the forced daydreams about their world invaded my mind every few minutes. I managed to pull myself out of these daydreams instantly when they started, but they just kept coming over and over.
I jotted down whatever notes I could from the teachers, but I never bothered committing them to memory. How could I, when all of my mind was still distracted by this powerful anticipation? Even I knew how farfetched it sounded, believing that the Altiri might be real and that they might come here to Earth - to stir up trouble. To the point, I felt evermore certain that something was about to happen. Something awaits us on the horizon of time. It won't be today, but it will happen soon. I don't know how I am so sure of that; yet another thought that I couldn't identify as my own, but that's what scared me about it the most.
Doing my best during a free discussion period to pull some of the burden off myself, I tried talking to Silla again after having sat next to her in class. We weren't typically on speaking terms, but it was only because I never found much to say. Taking a page from my own book however, I tested an idea right out into the open with this small group of students. "Hey Silla?" I called, unusually confident about what I wanted to say. "What's your opinion on UFOs and stuff?"
Silla was confused but for a split second, before her eyes started to light up in excitement. She began going off about some random nonsense in front of me, hoping some of her friends my join into the conversation.
It's not that I actually believe in anything like UFOs and flying saucers. In fact, I don't really know if the Altiri are from another world, let alone if they exist in the first place, but I had a good reason for sticking with this subject anyway. Yesterday after school, I tried a quick internet search for the field Altiri, but the results didn't provide anything useful. I also suspected I would learn nothing from this, but hearing somebody else talk about the subject at all was comforting, relaxing even.
"It could all be some government conspiracy!" Silla kept her voice from reaching the other clumps of desks in the classroom, but she didn't hide how excited the subject made her. It wasn't just UFOs. Any far out rumor or conspiracy was of interest, and it was always fun to talk about it, even if they are nothing more than ideas. "Why the sudden topic thought? Anything interesting happen?"
Truth be told, I have no evidence that anything I've been through so far has been part of something aside from my own imagination. I have too many thoughts most of the time to control all at once, and that includes any variations of imagination or daydreams. So, I wasn't able to rule out the possibility that my wild imagination was just leading me on while going out of control. It's never happened for this long a duration before, but the point is that I really don't know if anything is happening to me. All I have to go on is intuition, not that mine is any strong by the way. "No. I'm not that special." It was a good question though, one that made me consider what I would do if something did happen instead.
"I wonder..." Silla started with a curious expression. "What would you do if a UFO landed close by, or hovered right in front of you?" By UFO, Silla of course referred only to a flying saucer, but neither of the two were good at using the correct lingo.
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Her question this time was far more intriguing than the last, so I couldn't answer her right away. I tried to imagine such a crazy scenario first, drawing a perfect picture of some advanced floating disk in the sky the size of three large houses bundled together. If one of those machines came floating down from above, what would I do? How would I feel?
Not bothering myself for making any reply late, I overanalyzed it even more. The way most people would feel in that situation, one where they are about to be abducted by a space ship would trigger fear and panic... But that's not how it would make me feel. If something like that happened to me, of course I would be scared, but not enough to flee. More than that, I would be amazed at such a rare moment. I would let them adduct me on purpose, all just to see what it would be like. What would it be like to see alien life for the first time, to see their bodies, their minds, their souls, assuming they have any? What would their technology look like? And what would they want with me in the end? As I asked myself these questions, all of my memories from the past about staring into the stars and the associated music I used to listen to flooded back into me. The powerful, overwhelming, and controlling attachment to the stars stole my heart again, even though it was just from the memory of those moments. From there, I could only come to the conclusion that I would ultimately be pleased to be abducted by something non-human.
"Not sure, huh?" Getting no direct answer from me, as I was now lost in thought, Silla felt more awkward that she joined into such a short-lived one-sided conversation about something so strange.
But why would I prefer that? Am I so twisted these days that I want to be taken in by aliens? No, that isn't the reason. I thought back on the addiction to the concepts I felt, reminding myself how cool it would have been if I were a vampire. It's not that I wanted to particularly be sent off into space. What I wanted instead was something even greater than that. I wanted to have an experience with something non-human, something abnormal, something impossible. I wanted the strangest thing to happen to me, anything that altered my current reality. Despite going through all the effort to wish myself to have a normal life, what I really wanted deep down was the most abnormal thing that could ever happen to anyone.
As for why, I couldn't answer. I really don't know why I'm so stuck on that subject. Why am I wishing for a miracle to change my life? Why do I want to eject from this boring reality so much? Why am I having so much trouble separating uncontrolled fantasy from this world? Why do I react so strongly to the cold air, mostly when the temperature outdoors goes down? Why do I get an overwhelming sensation that something is out there every single time I look beyond the stars? There has to be a reason, but I can't understand what it is anymore!
Still, despite the small revelation, I couldn't shake this overwhelming fear that something was about to go down. If an alien invasion were to happen, there would be nothing I could do about it, but I wasn't so sure what I was so afraid of. Every time I thought about the Altiri, my heart would skip a beat each time, my thoughts suddenly replaced by visuals of stormy clouds and the people wearing blue and white metallic suits. No matter how I tried, I just couldn't evade it. The experience had me on edge and jumpy for the rest of the school day, making me even more distant from everyone than I already was.
I felt so nervous and awake throughout the day that my eyes could capture a glint of dust carried by the air particles if I really tried to see it. Focusing on any homework was out of the question. My eyes stared at the page, but my entire visual field was hit relentlessly with transparent flashes of the place I was in earlier, that huge snowy field going in all directions.
The fact that this has been bothering me for more than a few days was the other partial reason why I knew this wasn't going to be over anytime soon. If I go to sleep again, will I see Shadow Face, who happens to be an Altiri warrior? Will I find myself in a frozen world different from this one? Or will some other crazy event happen to me? In all, this made my day far more exhausting than I wanted it to be, especially upon realizing there was nothing I could do about it. Whatever happens next, I hope I am ready for it.