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<04/02/2010 - 12:20 | Saffrin Middle School (Lunch/Math), Austell, GA, USA>

April...

An interesting time of the year has brought along some overdue changes to the state of Georgia that I live. Last year, it felt like the fall and winter came just a little bit early if I only went by temperature. Similarly enough, it was spring already, but it felt like summer was already trying to arrive early to keep up the previous pattern. As the days went on, the air outside gradually warmed up some. The amount of hours per day that it was cold outside gradually diminished due to the changing seasons of the climate.

Now if I had to choose based on the preference that I've held all my life, I would prefer the cold over the heat. When it's cold outside, no matter how uncomfortable, all I have to do is add more clothes and dress up in warmer layers. Once overheated, I just take something off, but it isn't as simple in the summer. The sweat makes me more uncomfortable, and strong Air Conditioning units are required not to pass out from heat stroke on certain days. Unlike with the clothing, I can't just strip everything off, especially not here at school, as interesting of a day as that might be in thought.

But this year left me feeling very weird and a little conflicted about the whole thing. With the warming weather, as I had identified in patterns before, whatever part of me that was so obsessed with outer space, the cold itself, and thoughts about the Altiri was packaged into some kind of mental box and shipped away somewhere out of reach. Any residual thought about them including all of those strange dreams seem to just vanish when the weather warms up.

What makes it so strange is that along with the vanishing are all the same thoughts that would obsess over the obsessions themselves. It was as if there was some kind of mental checking system that ensured I both loved and obsessed to the cold, the Altiri, the dreams, the idea of outer space, all of it! But without those there, I could finally glance at those thoughts in a new light. It made me realize once and for all without a shadow of doubt that some kind of outside influence is affecting the way I think. At least that is how it felt. Without proof, I could not be sure.

But it really drove the point home. When it was warmer outside, especially today, I've noticed that I don't automatically become entranced into a dozen daydreams at once when looking at the symbol of the Altiri. My hatred for men and heathens still exists strongly, but I fell more docile about the situation than I used to, as if I could let myself relax a little when around them. Even at night when I look up at the stars, whatever powerful longing feeling I once had about them is only a fraction of what it used to be. It's all still there, the obsession about the stars and space, but it's no longer strong enough to totally control me like before.

It got me thinking about it all. I never managed to explain this to myself in any logical manner because of how weird it was, but still, it made me realize at least that something weird was happening around me or directly to me. All I could do for now was chalk it up to my overactive imagination going out of control, having finally settled down for the summer. I wasn't angry or upset about it either. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I kind of missed those feelings a little. Can't say why, but I feel like it at least made my sixth grade life a little more interesting.

I even acted a little less girly, but just a little. Everything I did and everything I felt finally seemed like I was the one controlling it all again, like I had become myself. That didn't make anything easier for me. Luckily, I had plenty of practice now speaking at random in my groups of friends, especially during lunch when we were allowed to be as noisy as we wanted. So I was able to keep up with everybody despite the subtle changes inside of me. I managed to make people laugh with ease, getting a handle on some of these jokes and a few more pop-culture references, some anyway.

Perhaps it was caused by the collection of all I have become today that started something special. I certainly wasn't expecting it. Just when I thought I was in for a more normal day, I got ambushed in the middle of the hallway, right beside my locker and right outside of the next class I had to go to.

"Hey Reed!" She waved at the target walking up to me, now standing only a meter away.

Finding that voice to my left, I returned the wave before realizing who it was. It was Banarus, who by all accounts seemed much more excited today than usual. She was always smiling most of the time, so that was saying something already. Even though I didn't ask, I could tell something just made her happy. Her eyes even seemed to reflect a little more light, as if something pumped more life into her. Before I could get in any word edge wise to ask, I was offered her energy instead.

"I've got a super important question for you!" Banarus came close to shouting as she pointed her index finger right at my face, close enough to nearly poke my eyes out. The excitement in her tone eliminated any possibility that her gesture was a hostile one.

"Yeah, shoot." I only played calm because I really had no idea what this was about. Some sort of proposition perhaps? It isn't like Banarus to ask me for favors, so what could this be about?

"You already know Malica, the one we sit with at lunch?"

So this is about Malica all the sudden? She does realize I know of no other Malicas out of the people I speak to, right? "Uh huh?" Still not understanding where this was going, I just stood there patiently, realizing we had a few extra minutes anyway. This didn't seem like something I could brush off to get to class on time.

With a heavy sigh meant to calm her down, Banarus put her hand on my shoulder, glaring at me with the most serious eyes I have ever seen from her. "She's the one who wanted to ask. So this is her question, from me to you! Do you want to go out with Malica?"

So it was a question on Malica's behalf? Wait! Hold up! Realizing the weight of the question, it was suddenly impossible to think briefly, since the feeling of fireworks blasting off in my head walled off all other avenues. I know I didn't mishear what Banarus just said, but even so I was speechless. Malica? Asking me out? As in she wants to go out with me?

I briefly shut my eyes long enough to breathe, calming myself while I shifted my footing a little. Banarus was watching me like some kind of stalker, silently demanding that I go nowhere until I at least answer the question. Her excitement certainly made some sense however. She and Malica are best friends for the time being, so Banarus must be happy for her or something.

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The reason I was so shocked has to do with my total lack of experience in all of this. I've come close to asking a girl out myself. I revealed the feelings of having a crush on two people before, back in elementary school, and when it came to Kaitlyn, I simply chose not to pursue those feelings despite how strong they were. So, all of that means that I have never officially had a girlfriend before. Just standing here thinking about the real possibly burned my cheeks to a redder tint. Me and Malica Moringstar, boyfriend and girlfriend...

Once I finally wrapped my head around the idea somewhat, all of my excess thoughts did their usual thing, constructing quick simultaneous daydreams about what she and I would do if we really were dating. And as embarrassing as it was for me to suddenly feel this way, I knew I needed at least one reality check. "You mean, Malica wants to go out with me?" Even though that is what I heard, I had to be sure there wasn't some kind of catch. With my poor luck, there usually was, but Banarus just nodded her head with that same warm smile, the question genuine.

Instead of giving her a direct answer, a part of my mind got hung up on one other interesting detail. If Malica really does want to go out with me, why is Banarus the one asking? Oh well. Guess the only way to find out is to be more direct. "Shouldn't she be the one here asking me in person?"

"Don't spoil the offer, idiot!" Banarus swiftly retorted my stupid evasion of an answer, going from happy to angry in one single second flat. Her volume turned heads in our direction, and made me wince so hard it felt as though her own voice was an invisible shock wave shoving me back, but even given her warning, Banarus knew her outburst was too much without proper understanding. Folding her arms in distress, she reminded me the most obvious reason why Malica couldn't ask in person. "Not everybody has the guts to ask people out in person."

"Right!" I put both my hands together in a gesture of prayer, a sign to forgive me. I had no idea Banarus could suddenly be so scary when pushed to it... Plus, I totally understand the sentiment. I imagined so many other kinds of scenarios to ask out Kaitlyn when I was going crazy over her. Many of those scenarios involved indirect approaches, but in the end, I was never really okay with them being put into practice. Banarus? I totally understand why you got upset just now from my question... But it doesn't mean I am wrong. Even if it is tough, everyone needs to learn to ask someone out directly, not through their friend or over text.

"I'm only doing this for Malica because she really thinks you are cute and funny."

Just hearing that made me blush, my mind already a roaring theme park of speed. Malica thinking I am funny was no surprise. I realized long ago that being silly and funny seemed to elicit the best positive reactions from those around me, and it made me more likeable by comparison. Even so, I, Banarus, and Malica sat together at lunch quite often. One of the reasons I preferred sitting by them was because of all the people in the school I could get to laugh, Malica was the easiest target. I never had too much difficulty getting her to laugh, and every time I did, I felt a little better inside each time, knowing I made someone happier even if just for a moment.

Not to mention, Malica isn't that hard to look at either. Her face is cute, and despite our close age, she is much smaller than me. Even her laugh is quite adorable.

Just then, I snapped out of whatever that was. Those thoughts I just had, about Malica being cute, how long have I felt that way? Why didn't I realize this earlier if it was how I really felt? It could just be the pressure messing with my head. But still, Malica thinks I of all people am cute? I've never been looked at with such eyes in my entire life no matter how I tried to. Despite what some said a while ago, I knew the truth about my own appearance. I'm not some handsome prince or some hot jock on a sports team. At the same time, I'm also not horribly deformed by pimples or too scary to look at. In all, this means my appearance compared to everyone else is just average. On a scale from hot to ugly, I'm somewhere right in between, not that I mind. Even knowing that, somebody else sees me another way; cute...

Even though it has only been five seconds since Banarus last spoke, my ADD made the time feel like it had dragged on much longer. I tried to think of this logically. I tried to really ponder whether or not this was a good idea, but by the time the rest of these intoxicating feelings kicked in, all other logic and sense took a back seat. Suddenly, I was the one fawning over the idea of going out with Malica. Even knowing nothing about dating in real life, I couldn't stop this powerful desire to be loved from directing my actions. Even though this is a first for me, I want to see where it goes. I want to see why she thinks I'm attractive, what she likes about me, and I also want to see what I am capable of making her feel. So, I'll do it! "Alright!" I announced while shoving my right arm and fist back in a gesture of certainty. "I'll do it!"

My response replenished all of the hopeful and positive energy Banarus came with earlier, her excitement for her best friend returned once again. "Yaaaaaaay! Malica will be so happy!"

Clearing my throat slightly in the reminder I thought of earlier, I nudged Banarus on one factor of this condition. "She is in our Math class today, right? I would like to give her my response, in person, if you don't mind."

"R—right," she agreed, realizing my meaning. Math class starts right about now anyway, which is good, because she could not contain this excitement for her friend any longer.

So, without further delay, Banarus and I entered that classroom together, soon enough finding Malica, who was intent on staring at me without making it obvious, though she struggled just doing that much. When I sat down at the usual table of desks, I kept the faint smile of happiness I had, and told her straight in front of the others, in front of Banarus and Maddison. "Malica Moringstar? It would be my pleasure to go out with you." I hope I said that right.

With such a dramatic change in expression, Malica's face lit up with excitement and joy. "Awesome!" Even though she too was a little inexperienced with dating, the certainty that bright days were ahead gave Malica the courage to face me now. Her plan was to hear it from Banarus, but this was so much better.

Despite feeling that same nervousness I get in situations like this, I somehow felt a lot more confident about the way things were going, confident enough to talk directly to Malica about anything. Maybe it was because I felt like I was on top of the world right now, or maybe it was because the both of us are attracted to each other. Whatever the reason, despite how embarrassed I was to potentially say something awkward, I pressed forward anyway. "Summer starts soon. Maybe we can find things to do then especially."

"Here." Malica handed me a small ripped up piece of paper with pen ink on the top, containing a string of numbers. "You can call me anytime you want, in summer and after school gets out." She tried to hide it while handing me the piece of paper with her phone number on it, but Malica still found it hard to sound like her normal self. I could tell that her heart was racing just by handing the paper out to me.

It's a phone number, I realized. I looked back at her, noticing that she too was blushing a little. She must want me to call her every night, and talk on the phone for as long as we want to. Can't see the problem with that. "Okay," I replied confidently. "I'll call you every night as often as I can." A part of me cringed inside from saying that, only because I could feel Banarus and Maddison staring at the two of us, laughing inside and eating this all up. Can't they just buzz off for a second and give the two of us some space?

Hearing such a promise lifted her spirits even higher, and Malica wasn't afraid to let that part of her show. "Awesome." As she said that, Malica and I studied each other both with soft embarrassing smiles, trying not to nervously laugh.

On cue, Banarus suddenly decided to step in and make it more awkward on purpose. Cute as this new relationship was, it was high time to get in some of her own fun in milking this for all it was worth.