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<01/21/2017 - 14:00 | 1010 Link Street, Marietta, GA, USA>
Did you know that the human body can pass out simply from pain-shock? It was given as one of the fun-facts I looked up today, with what little time I was able to use before I found myself glued to my bed from the gravity of tension. Syncope hasn't happened to me yet, but I can tell I've come close multiple times before. Just like last night, I'm soon going to start kicking and screaming through my own agony, unless I somehow become lucky enough to cure this using light like those other times before.
Not that I have much faith or hope for myself anymore. I'm sure I don't have to repeat much on the subject of tension headaches; it's been well known how many I have on frequency and how much damage they can do to me. On nights where I somehow evade going to the hospital, I wake up the next morning unable to remember the last 18 hours, sometimes finding the very controls to my body mixed up. Just before the maximum threshold, my eyes get blood shot, I can feel the raging pulse beating feedback through my skull, all my physical strength and stamina removed from me, and all my concentration allocated to the pain. It's extremely rare for any of my headaches not to reach at least level 8 when unmedicated, and I guess I've only been having more of them in the recent years and months.
For all of my abilities and other traits that makes me an amazing person, I'm eternally cursed with this fatal flaw, a chronic headache condition that makes life a wake in hell, that renders all experience unlivable. I don't know if it's caused by some weird genetic issue, a low pain tolerance, or if I simply have a hidden ailment I'll never understand, but I know I'm not alone either. Still, I don't ever get to see or communicate much with those suffering the way I do. So I wonder just how bad it is for everyone else. I'm the only one I know of who can feel this much agony all the time; I even redeemed a school reputation for it, unfortunately.
They always say that traditional medicine is bad for you, that all of the bottles of pills Big Pharma pumps out are nothing more than a minefield of addiction problems. Maybe this is true, but even if it is, the few medications I have available to me are currently the only thing keeping me alive and sane. Only acetaminophen has the most effect on my headaches, and from what I've read, it isn't healthy to ingest long term.
Without these medications or painkiller solutions however, I wouldn't even be able to walk out of bed and make myself something to eat on most days. When I'm out in public, the people around me don't understand this, because by that point, I'm healthy enough to leave the house and mask the issue. With headaches, I can't do anything worthwhile, physically or mentally stimulating. Even communication with Lumina becomes impossible.
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It certainly gave me something to think about regarding addiction. Not every case is as simple as one might think. Some people take unhealthy medication for good reasons. Sure, there's withdraw effects that can cause the very same problem the medicine claims to help with, but that doesn't always mean the source of the problem is also the medication.
In the past, I used to take Excedrin Migraine to calm these brain storms down, but before long, my metabolism became fully tolerant to its effects, and I had to abandon the entire brand. Now, as of late 2016, I've been getting by with a different yet similar brand called Tension Headache. It's actually from the same company, and the medicine is all similar with a minor change, the removal of Aspirin from the dosage. It's a combination of acetaminophen and caffeine at its maximum allowable dosage.
At first, the Tension Headache pills worked like magic, and gave me one hell of a mental energy boost on top of its effects. Of course, it caused some insomnia problems every now and then, but I'd rather deal with any other ailment than succumb to the pain of a tension headache.
Before long though, I've noticed the difference in effectiveness already. Luckily, I'm not yet addicted to this substance like I was before. However, the effectiveness of pain reduction in each dose is getting gradually weaker; I'm becoming tolerant to this as well. Though it hasn't been mentioned yet, I've been to eight different neurologists in the time since high school to now, trying everything including prescription medications...
And nothing. Nothing at all puts a dent into these headaches except for these enchanted yet cursed red pills. It might sound silly for me to rant on about something as simple as OTC medication, but try to imagine the predicament I'm in now. After trying literally everything safe enough to give an adult, I'm still down to only one effective medication, and now, after all these months, my tolerance against it continues to build. Eventually, even this brand will stop working on me, leaving me with no painkillers which can treat these tension headaches. I'm one more medication resistance away from becoming more miserable than any can imagine, to end up in a situation where I'd rather just be dead.
At times like these, all I can do is continue my research into the mystery of headaches. These neurologists don't seem to be able to do anything but scratch their heads. It's not that I think they are stupid; even I nor Lumina have figured out a personal solution suited for me yet. Still, I can't rely on other people anymore. I have to do this for myself, before I run out of time, before I'm in so much perpetual pain that I'm unable to think straight anymore, before I'm a shell of my current self, burnt out by the flames of my own dark prison of immeasurable misery.
To all other headache sufferers out there: I totally understand how it feels to have your very lives robbed from you this way. So be patient. Stay strong. The solution varies from person, but we each have our own ability to figure out every nook and cranny of ourselves. There must be an answer; we have only yet to find it.