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<10/01/2010 - ??:?? | Unknown Location>
When I first started having the dreams, I was scared, fearful about all I didn't yet understand. Over the past few weeks, I found myself dreaming of strange things, while weird flashes of a place that seemed like an endless frozen wasteland filled my head. There were random details I understood about the area, though without understanding how I knew it. Lately, I've missed that bit of mystery, even though all logic dictated that I avoid the subject entirely.
That's why when I woke up to another alien world, surprised as I was, I managed to suppress those fears. It didn't take long to come to, but I realized that after falling asleep in my bedroom, I somehow woke up here in the brisk outdoors. It looked like a massive blizzard swept through, painting the ground with thick blankets of snow, and all of the snow-covered trees were too distant to walk to. Whatever winter storm was here was long gone however. The night had turned into fresh daylight with a bright star in the sky, tinted blue ever so slightly. I could not stare directly into its brilliance.
The freezing cold air around me sure made it difficult to exist here, especially when wearing a thin long-sleeve and basketball pants, the same clothes I wore to sleep. The snow from the air was absent, but the singing wind brought my mind to full alertness faster. As I realized with certainty that I was stuck in the middle of nowhere on what could be another world, my chain of thoughts rampantly analyzed my surroundings, while I rubbed my arms with my hands to try and warm up a little. Despite knowing I have never been here before, something about this place was more familiar than it should have been, as if I remembered living here before.
There wasn't a single sign of life around me, not even a bird. So the only noise in my area was that of the wind, which was still slow but constant. Being here in this place, it reminded me of how I felt with the associations I was forced to make about the cold and snowy weather. I knew that I loved places like this and the sensation of the freezing cold, even though it was currently making me uncomfortable. But I still didn't know why. I felt so strongly about it before that the very presence of the cold could hypnotize me the same way the sight of the stars in the sky could...
But something was different about it right now. I didn't feel totally hypnotized like before. If anything, the dampness to that effect allowed me to behave and react to my most rational self, unhappy that I was stuck out here in a place with no life, no direction, no warmth, and no purpose... Of course, as I thought about that, the memory of everything before this moment and right now synchronized together, giving me the chance to make the quick and ultimate conclusion; this is but a dream.
It isn't the first time I've been able to realize I was dreaming while inside my own dream. The act forces me to become consciousness of myself on top of all details of the dream in real time. Since this also has the process of waking the mind, the next thing that happens before I react is, I wake up.
However, after a few more seconds to accept the circumstances that I was dreaming, becoming certain of it based on what made sense to me, I didn't wake back up. For the first time in my life, inside a dream so foreign and vivid, I realized that I was inside my own dream without waking back up. I waited a bit more, certain that I would, becoming more nervous with each second I remained here. There was something pretty scary about being unable to wake myself up from my own dream. Even considering the off chance that this was real, it wouldn't make any sense for how I got here in the first place.
So... This is what it's like to lucid dream... Not that I was ever obsessed with the idea of it, but I have at least heard what it would be like from rumor. Because of that information, I came to another epiphany, trying to accelerate my thinking from the growing discomfort of the cold around me. All I really wanted to do was to go back to my real home in my real warm bed. However, there is another way to make this all better without waking up. Actually, there are two ways, but the second involves getting myself killed. Since I've never died before in a lucid dream, I won't be trying that strategy.
They say that once you become consciously awake inside your dream, you have the power then to control all aspects and details of that dream. All I have to do then is to reimagine this place as a nice warm Tiki Lodge somewhere in Hawaii, right by the beach, preferably with some people on it. Shutting my eyes to try this from the beginning, I imagined what I wanted to, trying to forcefully override the environment all around me with the details I desired most. I waited five more seconds without waning on my attempt to be certain, but when I opened my eyes again, nothing around me changed at all.
Still stuck in a frozen world, still gradually freezing to death in my own dream, whatever powers as a lucid dreamer that I was supposed to have just weren't working. I tried once more, this time keeping my eyes open during the process, since I actually imagine better without shutting my eyes. I even tried to be more simplistic about it. Instead of trying to change the entire environment around me, I willed a cheese sandwich into my hand, begging this reality for some food even though I was not hungry. I could feel the bread in my hands, smell the miracle whip mixed with American cheese, the synesthesia activating my mouth and bringing drool to my tongue.
But no matter how long I waited or how hard I tried, I couldn't even spawn a sandwich into my hands. I'm absolutely certain I am dreaming right now, so why can't I control the aspects of my own dream? Were the rumors wrong? The only explanation remaining that made sense was my last internal question; it must be so. This is a lucid dream of mine, but I guess even when we are awake in our own dreams, it doesn't give us the ability to control or direct that same dream. If that were the case, then I could get the hell out of here by now.
How much time has passed now? Five minutes? Even for such an elaborate dream, nothing at all was happening around me. Even without controlling the dream, things tend to happen in dreams, whether I'm awake for it or not. Yet I'm absolutely alone out here...
Minutes of silence dragged on, my mind trying but getting nowhere with this mystery. The longer I stood out here, the more I began to unhinge inside. It's like some gigantic frozen prison I cannot escape from. If I would have just stayed asleep, I wouldn't have cared that I was trapped in here, but now that I'm awake, I don't know what to do. Eventually I will wake up, back in the real world, but hours could pass before that happens. The only other way out of here is to die, or come close enough to it that I'm shocked back awake. Freezing to death is no heart-jumping fast way to die, but that may happen anyway if I can't find a way to stay warm. Any longer out here and I'll end up with frostbite in my hands and feet.
There must be a way out or a way to stay warm! But I wasn't having any luck thinking of anything useful. Realizing my own situation only made it worse. It felt like the amount of thoughts I had per minute doubled since before, making any basic craft for idea so difficult - as distracted as I was, but I couldn't blame myself. How would anyone else feel waking up alone like this? At the very least, a better climate zone would have been something I would have found possible to enjoy somehow, but this is too much!
Is it possible that I could be awake for real, that I'm just standing here making the mistake of waiting until I wake while I fail to procure a source of food, water, and shelter? Or is my own mind messing with me somehow? "This is my dream, and I have the power to wake myself up. So wake up!" Screaming into the universe didn't work out for me either. Like before, nothing happened. Those who claimed lucid dreamers could control their dreams and have a blast were sadly mistaken. I can't control a single thing, other than myself, my own thoughts, and my own actions. What good does any of it do in a situation like this?
Startled by the first new piece of sensory information around me, I jumped a little, leaning my head to the left of my current facing direction. The sound I just heard was loud enough to echo all the way over here, and it sounded like some kind of boom or heavy impact with something. It wasn't as though I could see everything. These open plains of frost and snow were uneven and unlevel. Hills elevated and sunk the land around me. In the direction I heard that noise come from, the hills went upwards for several hundred meters, obscuring my view of what object could have landed in the distance, considering if that was the source of the noise.
Taking no chances, I remained perfectly quiet and still. I wanted to investigate any potential change in this environment. Any amount of bravery I might have had died the moment I woke up in this place. This is all too strange and unknown for me to leave my spot or make too much noise... I chanted earlier that I wanted to wake up. Did something out there hear me? I can only hope it isn't a pack of silver wolves that prefer this climate. I have nothing to defend myself, not against a dog or a polar bear.
As much as I wanted to stay hidden, a new pattern of noise refreshed me with the realization that I was screwed. It was a subtle sound, something I couldn't hear too well at first due to the wind muffling it, but I recognize what footsteps on snow sound like. Something was very slowly walking out there, walking this way perhaps. The crunching and slushing of deep snow occurred in sequence every 1.6 seconds, coming from the very same direction the initial sound of impact blasted from. I figured that if I can hear footsteps at this range, then whoever or whatever is out there must be close. If they are right above that hilltop, then there will be nowhere for me to hide.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
After several more seconds of continued footsteps getting louder and closer, I decided that I best prepare myself for anything. If it's a hungry animal, I should run as fast and as far as I could. I spread my legs and arms apart slightly, preparing my body to jump or shift on demand for whatever might pop out at the top of that hill. Praying I would run into a person rather than a bear, I braced myself to find out the hard way whether I should wait and see, or get a head start on running away now, choosing to wait.
The figure of the creature coming over the hill was rising to the top now from the other side, revealing its body to me within taking just a few steps. The shape and size of the creature walking on two legs was consistent with an actual person, six feet tall to be exact. But when I saw the details of this person revealing herself before me, I remained frozen, too stunned and broken by an overwhelming amount of fear to move in the first place.
This tall woman, whoever she was didn't have a face! No, it's not that she didn't have undefined facial features, but some weird kind of sentient shadow or shade, blacker than the void covered the front side of her body, from her forehead all the way down to her elbows, without using anything to cast such a shadow. Coupled with the impossible texture of moving static within the void, this only confirmed two things for me. Since people who are halfway covered in magic shadows don't actually exist, this must be a dream! It isn't real, so it can't possibly hurt me. The second factor was that I have absolutely no control over any part of this dream, but I am no longer alone either. Whatever is happening is just happening on its own.
I could tell that this person was female mostly because of her long hair, the ends of which draped right below the edge of the static shadow's effective range. She was wearing some weird kind of outfit, which was only visible in the range below her elbows. The shiny metallic looking suit seemed both elastic and tough at the same time, a white finish with veins of cyan steel wires running across the body wildly. In her right hand, she carried of all things an impressive long saber, a sword that was partly translucent as it was made entirely out of ice or crystal.
As impressed as I was by this display, I was just as well terrified. Seeing something like this not only made less sense to me, but I wasn't in my normal dream state to just stand here and accept this. The static shadow she had concealing her entire identity was crazy enough on its own, but there was something else about her that made the hairs on my body stand straight up. Without certainty as to why, I felt so afraid to move because of this person. I don't know her, nor do I have any idea who she might be, but she was sending out invisible vibes that made me think twice about simply opening my mouth to speak to her. She's dangerous!
By the time the newcomer came about 17 meters from me, she stopped walking, which slightly eased up the nervous target before her. Without saying a word, she planted her sword of ice into the ground, and reached around behind her. As I remained perfectly still and highly observant, she brought out yet another sword, this one more normal looking. Holding the steel blade for a few seconds, she then tossed the sword high into the air at an angle, launching it to land in my general vicinity.
I couldn't keep up with whatever this was, so I didn't bother trying to anymore. All I could focus on was being as careful as possible - so that I may survive this. But then the maniac in front of me tossed her secondary long saber into the air, flipping it around at an angle. I soon calculated that the blade would be landing right on top of me if I don't move immediately, so I turned halfway around and kicked off the ground as hard as I could, roughly landing with a face plant into the snow.
The sheathing sound of the sword drilling into the snow from gravity alone made me flinch, fearing it had still managed to pierce through my skin... But with an absence of pain, I was relieved of that dreadful possibility. As I pushed myself back up to turn around and ask how crazy this lady was, I was visually reminded about that creepy static shadow concealing her identity. Regardless of its purpose, seeing something so abstract up close like this tied my tongue beyond the capacity for rational response. The blade landed with the tip down on the ground and handle to my height only a meter from my location, while the woman far out front stood there waiting.
Silence passed the time some more, as neither one of us wanted to move or do anything, but soon enough, she grabbed her frozen saber hilt, lifting it from the ground and holding it so easily with a single hand. She aimed the blade at me without a word, forcing me to glance first at myself, then to the blade that was right in front of me...
Even without words, I caught on to what this gesturing was all about, what it all meant, and what this stranger expected of me. She didn't toss that sword in my direction to chop off my arm. She tossed it over to my side expecting me to catch it somehow. The way we were facing apart from each other only added to the new daunting realization I was so openly against. "No-no!" I waved radically, trying to deter her from the idea. I still grabbed the sword by the hilt anyway, uncertain if I still had time to talk her down from this duel. "I don't want to fight you."
But the woman replied by swooshing her frozen saber in an arc below her, digging up the snow from the ground aggressively while showing off how quickly she could control her own weapon with strength and coordination. She was obviously trained to use that thing, and desired a fight, swordswoman to swordsman. There is only one problem with this.
"I can't!" Crying my way out of this mess before it escalated any further, I nodded my head, trying to get my words to reach her. This is really bad! If I would have come here normally, I could have just pulled out some badass samurai fighting moves. But like this... Like this... I can't fight someone with a sword! I've never even held one up before! Just trying on this one is too heavy! "You hear me? I don't want to fight you!"
"It is not my concern." The lady replied in an elegant calm voice, one that somehow echoed within her own mind as well as mine as she spoke. She prepared her sword in position to try charging her opponent, causing me to take another nervous step back, refusing to engage.
Is she crazy?! I don't have fighting skills in real life! I can't just pull out a deck of doom when I'm the real me! Oh no! What's going to happen to me if I actually am killed in a lucid dream? I won't be hurt in the real world, right? Right?!
"Defend yourself!" Now making her move, she started her mad sprint towards me with her blade out and ready for a piercing stab, closing the distance faster than I expected.
Instead of helping me figure a way out of this situation, every last thought in my mind began reciting the phrase Oh shit, leaving me defenseless and too stunned to react. There's a mad woman flying directly towards me with a blade set to kill! I can't do anything like this but try as hard as I can to block! Knowing nothing about swords, I lifted by blade up a little higher with the tip angled to the ground, trying to block a low sweep or raise the blade if she goes for my neck. But I was just as stunned by how quickly she was on her feet. She runs faster than anyone I've ever seen before.
Her approach was only the diversion, a show put on before the main climax of her tactical combat training. The girl bent her knees tightly to jump high in the air, her lift sending her seven meters in height with her momentum carried over from the run. Defying the laws of physics and basic gravity, the warrior managed to jump in such a way where her blade would come down right on top of my head, a move that I clearly did not see coming before it was to be.
"How can she jump that high?!" My voice left me before I could freak out, leaving my body with certainty that my fate was sealed. Though I felt frozen before, my eyes shrank at what I was seeing now. There was no way I could move out of the way in time to dodge that, or raise my sword high enough to try blocking her, since it was so heavy to bring it as high as I already had it. Trembling in place, I let go of the sword that was aggressively given to me, bestowing my eyes on the beautiful attack form of the woman who was going to kill me. My heart would have jumped through my chest if I could possibly be frightened of dying any more than I was now. I couldn't accept what about to happen, but I could do absolutely nothing about it either. If this is how I am to die, I will die knowing I did my best to try living.
With her blade now coming down right towards the left side of my face, I quickly turned away, shutting my eyes as tightly as a pressurized door, tensing in anticipation to feel what death will feel like in this very moment. It will be over in just one more nanosecond! The sure sound of a blade cutting through flesh and bone are imminent!
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<10/01/2010 - 06:03 | 559 Motion Street, Austell, GA, USA>
Just as any pathetic defenseless person would do, I instinctively flinched away from what I perceived to be certain death, screaming "No!" as loud as my voice would let me... But after another second, when I was expecting a kind of sharp pain beyond all comprehension, I felt nothing of the sort. In fact, I didn't even feel cold anymore, nor could I hear anything.
Wiping my crusted eyes with my fingers, I found myself sitting up again in the safety of my own bed with nobody around. Strange as it was to go from lucid dreaming to lucid reality, I had to bring myself to understand that I finally woke up. I wasn't sure if her blade pierced through my head, shocking me awake, or if my own adrenaline-pumped fear did the job for me in its place. I didn't want to know, not ever again!
Conflicted by the pros and cons of this very moment, I held my head in shame that I would even have such a bizarre nightmare in the first place. I was so upset that something like this would happen to me, and was certain it would linger on my mind long throughout the Friday of my school day, but I was also relieved, relieved that I was somehow still alive. With my pulse this fast and sweat dripping into my bed sheets, it's a wonder I didn't have a heart attack in my own sleep. This certainly wasn't how I planned waking up in the morning, but I didn't plan on having such a messed up dream either.
All I wanted to do now was forget it ever happened, but there was something about it that all clung to my never-ending obsession of thoughts about the elements of such a dream. With the threat out of the way, part of me was able to appreciate the beauty of that frozen wonderland, not to the point where I lost control or became too distracted by thoughts of the cold. The amount of detail I was capable of feeling in this dream was far too impressive for me to forget about it. I never have dreams that are that detailed, let alone the ability to experience it all for myself. It kind of reminded me of that moment where I wasn't sure if I was awake or asleep, being transported to that snowy forest with that song in my ears. The experience reminded me of all of it; the music, the cold, the aspect of something important, but also a little more familiar than before.
Still uncertain about it all, I did my best not to let it distract me, not that I was any good at controlling this many thoughts at once. I knew already that I was in for another rough day at school, where I would be certain to zone out unless I was willing to tell somebody about that nightmare. Maybe somebody will be interested in what lucid dreaming is really like, if applied as a horror experience anyway. I wish I could say that was all, that whatever was happening to me was just random imagination going out of control. But somehow, deep down, I had this gut feeling that nothing was over yet.