<08/11/2009 - 05:30 | 559 Motion Street, Austell, GA, USA>
A night like any other, moon's glow tinting the air of my quiet town blue in this cold, silent overnight. Nobody could have known. Nobody could have predicted that Motion Street - always quiet and peaceful would become the location where a true miracle was born. Had anything been different at all before this point, I wonder if I would still be alive today.
Before it began, I never had to ask what the definition of sanity was. I never considered what was reality and what was fiction. But I think back to this day, knowing how it served as a timestamp for the beginning of myself. To all the souls in the world out there, I ask thee; is it so bad to be crazy?
We are the signal you've been destined for. You cannot hear us; but you can think from us. Our minds may become one...
The minutes wandered in the silence of my room, until so suddenly, I became part of something much bigger than myself, much more important than anything I ever could have endured...
"Sssssshhhhhyeaah!" Without trying, the air escaping my teeth made such a strange sound mixed in with a minor scream. I had no idea what just surprised me. What?! What happened?
I found myself sat up as my mind raced itself awake. My mouth hung open partly from the shock, but I could get no words out. The frigid air burned my skin in the stale climate of an early winter morning, and I could feel my heart drumming away inside as if I were on the brink of a terrifying experience.
The gates of reality open. The boundaries of thought are shaken apart by consciousness. We are alive. We are awake.
In the seconds following as my eyes adjusted the world around me, I realized I was only sitting up on the bed inside my dark room. Everything was still so dark even though I left the blinds open last night. Despite this revelation, I couldn't relax.
Echoes and signals carry our hearts. Beyond the outer rim of perception, time vacates; space unwinds; energy seeps; reality redefines.
My pulse was still rapid, but my thoughts were even more rattled, as if something more important than the world itself were left tugging at my own background contemplations. Thoughts I could feel but not hear cascaded throughout me like a ringing siren of awakening. These thoughts quickly filled me with fear and confusion at the same time, familiar, yet foreign. What shook me awake, I wondered? Did I have a nightmare just now? What kind of dream was I having to feel on the edge like this?
Our eyes awaken. Our voice shall be heard. Feel our pulse in a world of infinity. All shall hear us, in time.
It's as if strange whispered voices keep pulsing through my heart, not that they make any sense to me. Whatever the dream was about, I could recall absolutely none of it, so that doesn't help confirm my sanity. At least the silent voices are calming down now. If it was only a nightmare, I guess I can ignore it. Still, how much sleep did I get anyway?
Despite the chill, I threw aside the thin covers from my body, exposing what bare skin I had not dressed down, with the only exception being a dark set of boxers. I can go right back to bed in a moment. As anyone would do when waking from a dream, I did the sensible thing and checked the alarm clock beside the bed to see how late it really was. When I did, two thoughts crossed my mind simultaneously.
The first was that it was a Tuesday, and not just any Tuesday. Today on August 11, this will be my very first day of middle school. With that in mind, waking up too late would actually be a bad thing, though the alarm never did go off. However, when my mind processed what the digital green display of the clock reported, a small wave of anger and disappointment accompanied my usual morning moods. 5:30 A.M.
This isn't on time for school; it's way too early! Oh, how I want to complain so much! But what good would it do? My brother and parents are still sound asleep. I'd rather not wake them until it is absolutely necessary. School does not officially start until about 8:00 A.M., while the bus makes its appearance by the neighborhood bus stop anywhere between 7:15 A.M. to 7:45 A.M., according to what I've been told anyway. Between then and breakfast, there won't be anything to do. Even though it bothers me a little, I don't really know why. Still agitated, I sent all my thoughts to the background, turning to the room door with only one plan in mind; I really have to pee.
During my short yet relieving bathroom moment, my mind still hammered away at what I could have been dreaming about. Though the more I thought about it, the more certain I felt I was not dreaming at all. How could I be so obsessed with anything if I can't even remember it? Still, for some reason, my mind wondered into the possibility that it had something to do with the whole world; not just earth, but everything beyond it too. Other simultaneous thoughts populated that space with what middle school will be like for the first time, and if it could be any better or worse than my years before now.
Unfortunately, I won't be getting back to sleep, and I already know why... Dozens of thoughts per second, even the ones I don't immediately pick up fire off like crazy, uncontrollably so. It's not only distracting, these thoughts are keeping my mind too alert to stand a hope of ever returning to sleep again, which is not abnormal for me at all. Though being shocked awake like that was not a typical way to wake up, I guess it doesn't matter now.
Since there was nothing else to do, I returned to my room, shutting off the alarm switch to disable the scheduled ringing of hell. I won't need it now that I'm awake one hour ahead of schedule. I also scrambled quickly for my set out clothes. The air in here is chillier than it has been despite being the early Fall, forcing me to become tense with goose bumps all over. After putting on what I had, I quietly left the room again to make it downstairs. At least this once I can eat my breakfast alone in peace.
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There is so much about me and my life that I find too normal... No, I can't even say that much. I'm worse than normal these days. With the way things are, with a fracturing family and no friends at all, I'm the most pathetic person alive. I have no friends, no life outside of the video games, nothing I really like to do. I hate this town, this place so much!
My name is Reed. I have a younger brother, Ivan, but he's much younger, so we don't get along too often. Not only does he break everything he touches including all of my stuff, he is still in early grade school and doesn't care as much about video games. Then there is my mother, Marrie. She's not all that bad, but she can be kind of a bitch sometimes too. I'd much prefer that over the ultimate dickhead, Peterson. I don't care if others say he is my stepdad. That man will never be family to me no matter what.
That's right - I said it. Peterson is an asshole, and that is putting it lightly. My real dad, Nigel, would never behave that way. He would never say or do anything so mean all the time, but my mother and father do not live together anymore. They divorced a few years ago and are living separately. Thankfully, we are allowed to go and spend each weekend with dad, using the weekdays here especially during school time. It's not so bad... But still, my mother had to pick him of all the people in the world to hook up with, him and his terrible kids. I won't have to put up with the other monsters since they have gone back to California though, so that should be a plus.
We live in this crappy apartment complex, but as long as I get to be left alone, I don't care how small it is. Everyone is always so mean these days, and it only seems to get worse each year. It should be obvious by now that I'm the silent type, the kid who enjoys being alone and left to his own world. I never did have any luck fitting in at school with the others, but I still have to be honest with myself on one thing; I am very shy. Some of it is my fault that I can't make friends. Hell, I can't even initiate a real conversation with anyone most of the time. Just trying it feels like I'm torturing myself through the trial of a lifetime. I can sit here thinking all of these thoughts loudly, but I can't say more than a few sentences to anyone even when I want to. I always hoped someone would see that and just talk to me instead, but that hasn't happened yet.
Then there are my thoughts. It isn't too relevant yet, but I can save lots of explanation by claiming the diagnosis early on with ADD. My brother happens to have ADHD, so I don't really know where it all came from. I don't even know what ADD is yet, but I do know I have such a strong and vivid imagination, and so many thoughts at once - all the time. In a way, it is distracting, but I welcome that distraction most days. I don't even want to try imagining what middle school will be like, not until I'm there in person.
Enough internal monologing! I shook the most distracting thoughts away with a slight sway of my face and a sharp exhale, preparing to dig into the oatmeal I microwaved during that time. I barely even noticed I was making myself something to eat, proving a good part of me was still on autopilot, the physical part of me that is.
No matter how many minutes passed, I couldn't shake the thoughts from earlier away, the ones about the outside world and this weird feeling about alterations to reality. How much I could wonder and imagine endlessly what other worlds look like. What is life like on another planet or in another solar system? What does it look like to be in outer space? This was all I could think about between the time I ate and the time I got ready for school.
My mother was still insistent on walking me to the bus stop and chaperoning from a distance until proving to herself that I was picked up by the bus. But just after she left, there would still be about twenty minutes for that bus to come if it did stick to that schedule. Several other kids were there at the bus stop, already getting to know each other and chatting it off.
But not me. Even if they are from the same neighborhood, I don't know a single one of these kids, and they don't know a thing about me in return. Strangers... All I could do was stand quietly and observe them without making it obvious. What are their age ranges? What are they talking about? Are they saying or doing anything interesting? I couldn't have every answer to every internal question, but it quickly became obvious that they and I have nothing in common. Even if I stopped being shy for a moment to introduce myself, what would be the point? They either would not like me or would not care, a feeling that is probably mutual for all I know.
In the brightening night, the only other thing around us were the trees to each side and the main road ahead of the curb with cars flying by. All such a mundane experience for a mundane world, I thought. However, my observations did not end. I managed to find something far more interesting than the people around me. I leaned against the metal stop sign, tilting my neck back as I gazed deeply into the distant cosmos of our universe.
In truth, there was not much visible but the twinkling stars in a pitch black sky slowly growing dark blue, but I knew there was much more out there to see, much more than our eyes could ever capture down here on Earth. Just by gazing into the incredible skybox above me, the wonder, amazement, and mystery of our outside world captured my every thought, my every breath, my every reality. Again and again, minute my minute, I kept asking myself, what is out there?
It didn't matter to me that my sudden obsession with outer space was uncharacteristic, or why I suddenly cared so much about the mysteries of the universe. I only cared about this moment, this wonder, this sequence of thoughts set to repeat until my mystification carried itself beyond the definition of an intense obsession. I feel like I belong out there. I feel like all that is important lies beyond this small planet. I feel like, if I keep focusing on it, a miracle could happen one day.
It's just my imagination. That's what I kept telling myself, but no matter what happened or what else came of today, this powerful and wonderful mental obsession with outer space could not be shaken or put aside. I want to concentrate and care only about outer space, no matter what else is happening in school, no matter what else is happening at home. If any aspects to my constant day dreams of it could be real, what a wonderful world that would be to live in.
When the bus finally came to take us to school, I was totally unchanged, and remained unchanged for the entire duration. No matter the surprise, new experience, or all of the learning material crammed inside of my head, I now had a new obsession with the skies. It was enough to totally stop and freeze me when outdoors, during the day or the night, capturing my eyes and attention for all of the possibilities that exist out there. Outer space... It must be the coolest thing that has ever existed! Why have I never considered it with so much mental energy until now? School was just as I expected, and so was my inability to stand a chance mingling with anybody there. But in outer space, all of the unexpected could happen. I want to be a part of that world!