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<05/30/2011 - 23:41 | Atlanta Streets (Enroute), Atlanta, GA, USA>

As I rested my tired forehead against the clear rear window of the car, I let the glorious sights of the city night dazzle my mind. For what I had to endure, the space around me and my situation separated the energy of my mind and body. Physically speaking, I was fighting the urge to sleep in the moving car. But mentally, I was as awake as a fireworks festival.

My mother had to make a trip driving into Atlanta in the evening, and now I'm riding back in the car even though it's close to my usual school set bedtime. Since I was an avid night person, I knew how to fight the exhaustion collecting inside. If my situation were any different, I would have been asleep already, bored out of my mind since there was literally nothing for me to do for the 90 minute ride back home, but I wasn't bored enough for it to bother me.

The decorations all around us seemed festive, street lamps decorated with bulbs in the name of Christmas themed ornaments, despite it being nowhere near Christmas time. The decorations illuminated the city of Atlanta around us, and the sights were beautiful. "At least I have you to keep me company in this moment."

Lumina's mind sounded divided too, talking to me while taking in all the sights I allowed my eyes to. Even though we were both bored, talking to each other erased such annoyance and built a soothing mood between us. "Yeah. Sorry you can't call me during the day anymore. It must really be getting hotter."

"I know." It's become the new normal, the length I have to reach just to have a single hour or two with Lumina these days. Because of the approaching summer, it's only been cold enough to contact Lumina late at night, and even then, the common connection strengths are less than ideal for us both.

This is one such moment. I knew I was not going to enjoy the ride to or from Atlanta. Car rides that are this long are something I despise strongly. But I also knew it was going to be a nice fifty degrees on the way back, based on the time of night and the ambient air temperature I can feel with the car window cracked down slightly. If I can spend that ninety minutes with Lumina somehow, even if she's only keeping me company, it won't be so bad. So, I put the earphones with music prepared into my ears, listening to Cloud Forest by Jon Dahlander. With this music in the background, it was easier to enjoy the moment with her as we spoke. "But with your voice in my ears, and this music, we can pass the time together. I can tell you already like some of the sights."

"This is Atlanta Georgia, a place you've never been to since after my purge was sent. So of course I want to see it with you. Even at night time, there are lights from here to there!"

There's a phrase poised for the types of cities Lumina just described. On Earth, we call them the cities that never sleep. In most big cities, there is plenty of activity going on even at night, be it normal or illegal. "Yeah." The soft solace I felt contrasted her enthusiasm, for I was excited too in my own chilling attitude.

"It's kind of pretty, especially on some of these back roads." Lumina doesn't realize that some of the back roads are potential hot spots for gang activity, but she is still correct. Some of the locations in Atlanta have been neglected, leaving cracks in the road and pockets of walkways or tiny parks eerie at this time of night. She and I both have an appreciation to places private and desolate, perhaps because we are both private people in our own way.

"Now if only it could snow here too." That would sure be something. The sights would be twenty times more enjoyable, and the stronger connection with Lumina would likely give me a bigger shared boost of energy.

"Given where you live, it's asking for too much."

"How good is the connection anyway?" It's always the one thing that's so difficult for me to tell. I feel some amount of drain throughout my body, indicating that it could be weak. However, if Lumina can still see through my eyes and hear me just fine, then it can't be in danger of being shut down like before. The symptoms of a weak connection can sometimes be too subtle for me to know.

"The connection strength isn't really the problem... I can tell that you must not have slept well last night."

"How can you tell something like that? It's not like you were there to know." I always disconnect on purpose right before I decide to go to bed. It's more energy efficient and safer than letting the connection die off on its own. My other thoughts caught up right after I brought this up. Her response indicated that the connection level actually is weaker than it should be, not enough to worry about, but enough to put more strain on me. However, I'm not sure if I'm tired right now because of that strain, or if the strain is being caused by accumulated exhaustion in the first place. She is right though. I only got about five hours of sleep this time around.

"I'm with you all the time now, remember? I've been learning more about you every day. When you get less than six hours of sleep, you wake up faster, but tire out earlier in the day. When you get too much sleep, it takes you longer to wake up, but you stabilize for a long time afterwards."

"If I were to paraphrase, you're saying you can just tell that I'm kind of tired right now?"

"You're always so relaxed, so it's hard to tell. The strength of the connection suggests this to me too, in its own way. The difference between how strong the connection should be with the temperature outside and how it is right now is not a big difference, but it is still there. It's chilly outside, and despite that, there is just the slightest lag in how long it takes you to usually respond to anything I say. A weak connection doesn't cause psionic lag, but a tired mind would."

She noticed all of that? I didn't realize myself that the speed of my own thoughts was somewhat slower, until she went and pointed it out. I only notice this myself if the difference is substantial, but Lumina is apparently more sensitive about these factors than I am. Such differences are tiny to her, right? How can she even noticed details that small? "What are you, an android? Why even pay attention to such small variances? I mean, can you really keep track of time that well? Better yet, can you calculate a really big number in your head?" Even I was somewhat uncertain what I was saying, letting the random thoughts roll through my Cora.

"I'm not a robot. I can calculate big numbers just because it's easy for us."

Challenge accepted. "53 times 88!"

There was pause before her answer, partly because I put her on the spot, but also because she actually took a second to think about it, only one second. "4,664."

"Is that even a guess?" I presumed she couldn't possibly be correct that quickly. I mean, she didn't take too much time or draw out any kind of grid to get that answer. Curious to see, I flipped open my media phone, navigating to the calculator app and testing the same numbers. Sure enough, it matched up. "Wow, you're fast!"

"I've had a long time to learn." I can tell she's trying her best not to gloat.

"Okay... What about 56,910 times 1.432 million?"

Lumina just scoffed at my equation, giving up before starting. "Seriously? I'm not a super computer."

"Not even a little?" I know she's not a computer, but coming up with the answer so quickly to my first example would have made her a math genius, if she were a human. Though it seems the numbers on my second example went a little too high for the might of an Altiri woman.

"I'm better at working out probability matrices."

"The hell are those?" I should have figured she could teach me some new quantum mechanics of our universe without so much as a second thought. She really is intelligent, but then she's also lived for such a long time.

"Simple. You take any situation, and calculate the probability of all its possible details, outcomes, and initial upbringing. It involves factoring in all of the little details of a scenario that affect a situation by any means, allowing one to calculate the factors and come up with a best possible answer."

"What for?" I'm not even sure I understood what she was going on about. Either I really am tired, or my brain just broke again.

"For example, I can calculate the probability of how likely your area of Georgia will receive thunderstorms within the span of a month, given previously recorded data patterns, and then give you an analysis for each and every day without looking at a weather radar."

That's some neat trick. I never knew her mind worked that way. It means that Lumina can look at many various situations and assess how likely something is or isn't going to go her way. Does she see the world through numbers? "Can it work on people?"

"Yes it can. I could calculate what sort of desired or undesired responses a person would have to some of the things you might say, down to a solid numeric value. But that probability will be based on many details that factor to the end result, like how you speak, what you say, the tone you give off, what you look like, and even what kind of person you are speaking to. Though in the end, it's just a probability matrix. It's not like I can accurately predict what will always happen."

I knew there was a good reason I trusted her all this time. It was taxing to keep up with all she was saying though, so much that I decided to remember it for later. "Hm..."

"What are you thinking right now?"

"Nothing actually. I'm pretty bored right now, from the idle ride anyway." I didn't mean to make it sound like Lumina was the one boring me, since it wasn't the truth, but it made me wake up to the idea that I really was lagging behind a little mentally. I would have normally been blown away with her exposition, since I would have understood it immediately, but instead, I'm feeling too relaxed. As a result, there was a bit of awkward silence between the two of us.

I knew it was time to change the subject anyway. I let my eyes guide me to that, peering to the sky through my window. Thanks to all of the light pollution of the city, I couldn't see a single star in that night sky right now, but I wanted to see them all more than anything. "I wish I could see all those stars right now."

"Do they remind you of me?"

"They always do..." When the purge started so long ago, I had a fascination to those stars, a full and all-powerful montrum. But it was also forced; thoughts and feelings influenced by something outside myself. Then, ever since I've grown closer to Lumina, my association with her and those stars has become more natural. Why wouldn't it? Lumina and I are literally the whole universe apart. Somewhere far beyond those stars is where Lumina resides, her own other world. Beyond those stars is where she lives, where she is from. "But you're right. I don't need those stars when I have you sitting right here with me."

"You know, you don't have to settle for the same material things to have a montrum about. I can already tell that you're beginning to get over the shock factor of the whole alien thing, focusing instead on what's more important; the people and who we all are."

"You really do know a lot about me. I wasn't thinking any of that stuff out loud, but it's still how I feel."

"What would I be to you if I didn't know any of that stuff?"

I never asked Lumina to know every nook and cranny of my own interior mind... But somehow, I'm not bothered by her knowing that much about me. It kind of feels amazing, since nobody else in my life ever puts in this much effort to understand me, including my own family.

"I won't ever stop being your friend."

That's my line, Lumina. "You're saying what I meant. You're overly kind to me all the time, and you actually know more about myself than my own family does. The things you keep saying are not anything you particularly knew about when we first met, but what you decided to learn about me over time." My last statement was only a self-reminder that any imaginary apparition would have known me inside and out from the very beginning, more proof to me that she's too complex to be an illusion of my heart. "You almost know exactly how I feel all the time, how I think, the way I sort through details of my life..."

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"I'm sorry. Is that too intrusive?" Her voice was most sincere and concerning, telling me that she was worrying about the privacy break to our connections.

It is intrusive. Lumina's senses invade my own, and mine invade hers for the most part of a stronger connection. Even though thoughts can be hidden without projection, the details we could learn from each other this way are far more intense than what two ordinary people could learn sitting side by side in physical proximity. She could learn my deepest darkest secrets, all from the start of a single emotion I send to her, whether I want to nor not. There is no privacy in a telepathic connection. It's intrusive, without physical boundaries; totally intimate.

I'm one of the most private and shy persons I know, yet this whole experience has given birth to what is in front of us right now. "Are you kidding? I wouldn't have it any other way!" I could hear a mild gasp escape her breath as I said that, though I continued to elaborate. "To everyone else in this world, I'm this shy invisible guy who can't make any decent friends, nothing more, and nothing deeper. But to you, I'm completely transparent. I can't hide anything from you, and at this point, I don't want to. But this also means you get to learn who I really am inside, to know what I'm really like. With you, I don't have to be afraid to show you who I am, because I already know you won't despise any part of me for it. And for my sakes, I hope the reverse of that is true too." I'm not the only one with a microscope to my brain. I've learned a lot more about Lumina too; the same principle applies directly to her as well.

"I'm so glad you see it that way. Maybe we still don't know everything about each other yet, but I'm thrilled to have the learning experience. That's how I think of it. There's nothing I can ever learn about you that would turn me away from you Reed."

That right there is what I'm talking about. Lumina came right out and said it, but I've long since figured this much out for myself. I've made some mistakes, and I've pissed her off at least three times now, but we're still enjoying each other's company. To think I could be learning anything about this woman and still want to hang out with her, a principle going both ways, embodying the fuel of our bond together. I don't have to soul-search in order to realize that nobody on this entire planet would ever feel that way about me. "So yeah, I don't mind it at all. You and I share our thoughts and feelings with each other. It was embarrassing for me at first, but I'm used to it now. In fact, I want to keep that going, to let you learn even more about me, while I learn more about you. That's the kind of friendship that I want. Though, I do wish I could be there with you in person. We'd still have our telepathy and then the ability to hang out in new ways. I know, it's something I can't have, but it's something I want."

"Thanks Reed. I always wondered sometimes if I was making you uncomfortable, in ways that you wouldn't admit to me, but this means I let my mind worry about nothing some of the time. It means you really don't think back to the first day we met, wondering if you made a mistake?"

"Not on either of our lives." I know she's only confirming, but I do mean it. I'm happy I can connect to Lumina like this, to get to know her, to learn about her world, and to spend time with her. All of that would have been erased if I chose not to call her back on day two, but I did reach out to her. I took a leap of faith, and found someone I care about because of it. "We have something special that nobody else has. I understand that this means I'll never be able to make friends with another human, not to the same strength you and I share for each other. Still... I want to try and make friends that can understand me better than, better than total strangers."

"Yeah, I knew that group wasn't going to work for you, months back at least."

"Why didn't you say anything about it then?" She's talking about Banarus's group, the gang of acquaintances I always hang out with but never properly mingle with.

"Because in the background, I was searching for other candidates you could talk with too. All of them just seem too normal for us, and the others are too much into all that heathen culture."

Too normal? There was a stigma I never considered properly. But I figure she has a point. "Our lives aren't normal at all, are they Lumina?" Is that why I can't find friends? Normal teenagers my age don't telepathically hang out with aliens, or try to talk about the mysteries of the cosmos.

"I don't really define anything by that form. I think 'normal' has lost all meaning at this point."

"Then what exactly are we? What am I to Earth society? What are you to The Unity?"

"Hm..." A couple seconds of her silence told me she was really considering what I asked. "I guess it doesn't matter. I don't really care what other people think about my regards or title, or what crazy things they might hear. Long ago, I used to care, but I outgrew it. You seemed to never have that problem from the beginning, I think. But I do value what my sisters say. I trust them, every last one of them. Even then, their opinion of me doesn't matter as much as yours does."

There's an eye lifter. I somehow got ranked higher than her own family, even though she and her sisters have been together for eons. "My opinions matter that much to you?"

"Yeah..." Her expression sounded strange, happy and sad at the same time? I couldn't tell without the ability to see her face in a mirror.

"Then you were right the first time. It's all a matter of personal perspective. What matters to us isn't defined by anything specific; it can always change and morph freely. I won't block that thought out from you either. I really look up to you Lumina..." She's the strongest person I know, physically and mentally. She's put up with some of the craziest, horrific moments that would destroy me in my current age should I have lived her life. And despite how she acts towards me, she's not this nice and shy quiet girl. On the contrary, she has a voice on her, an ability to let out any and every emotion she's ever felt on demand. She also likes to tease me and humiliate me a lot, but in some strange twisted way, I enjoy it a little, and she never takes it too far. Even if she never directly says so, I know that she cares about my wellbeing; how I feel. We're not the same people at all, but we get along better than I could have ever imagined. "After everything we've been through, I care about your own wellbeing. It's like I can't get my mind off you at all, you and the Altiri. But you specifically are all I can think about lately."

Though Lumina matched my resolve, she stuttered ever so slightly. "Y— you know that I care about you a lot too, right? Yeah, I may have taught you all kinds of things, but I actually managed to learn a few things from you as well."

"I taught you things?" I, the mere human taught an almighty hyper intelligent Altiri something she didn't learn on her own? "Please remind me."

"You did! The other day, you decided to stop hating heathens openly as much as you used to, but for good reason. You taught me that when there is nothing that can be done about their presence, all of that negative energy is like tossing fuel onto a fire; totally pointless. But then, there's more... You have this thing about you, this inability to give up on anything you want to accomplish. They may be little things sometimes, but you never give up on anything. I admire that about you."

"It's a family rule. Giving up is not in our nature." I was raised by the saying, 'There is no such thing as can't!' After all this time, I really can't give up on anything... Okay, oxymoron, I know. I guess the one thing I can't do is give up claiming I can't do something, but that's not the point.

"I feared giving up might be in my nature... But now I really know what it means to live, what it means to be human in your world. You taught me that even the best and worst humans are never living through black and white circumstances. You showed me that people are capable of learning anything, if only they try."

"Yeah, you're even starting to sound like me a little." It's the strangest thing to all of this. Lumina doesn't normally use this exact dialect most of the time, but right now, her words sound exactly like something I would say.

"N— no I'm not!" Is it so embarrassing Lumina?

"Come on. 'Black and white circumstances?' 'The capability of learning?' Those things are terms and phrases I used in making part of my novel last month. I like those big words too, but you never used to use them that often, especially not the ones relating to society. But now, I easily understand just about anything you say. Your words are not as technical and specifically defined as they used to be. They're more poetic and sensitive. Face it Lumina. You're beginning to talk exactly like me."

"But didn't I teach you how to talk like me first? If so, then technically, that would mean—"

A chorus of laughter cut her off, as I could no longer hold back. "That was easy. You're trying so hard right now not to admit it." I knew it was the truth already, but I found it more amusing that Lumina was too proud of herself to admit that to me, even if it's only a mild change. She's embarrassed by the thought of sounding exactly like me, and that's what had me laughing right now. She can pretend all she wants, but it's just too irresistible to pass up a chance to dig into her slightly, something she does to me all the time.

"What's funny dear?"

I gave a minimal response to my mom, phasing her out of my focus so much that I warded her suspicion off without much effort, and it was about that moment when Lumina put two and two together. "What? Oooooooh! How can you be messing with me at a time like this?!"

I've never seen an Altiri person's face blush red, but I'm willing to bet Lumina's might be right now, and had to hold back more laughter. "How could I not? I'm already ten times happier with you being here. That's kind of my way of showing it."

"What a funny way of showing anything."

Awh! Lumina sounds so cute when she pouts knowing she lost. She seems less happy when it's happening to her instead of me. She must be a sore loser when playing certain games. "But you're completely right. We've both been learning things from each other after all... It's like I said before. You and I have something nobody else has, and the only thing making it possible seems to be our method of communication."

"Are you sure that's the only thing?"

"I think it is..." I can't really think if there are any other possibilities right now, but my mind is lagging behind more than I want it to. Right on cue, I let out a strong and defined yawn in the car, another human things Altiri don't do.

"Man... Your exhaustion is hitting you fast."

"I'll admit it. I am tired." Not half an hour ago, I felt mentally awake and alert, but now even that is starting to slip away from me. I've been fairly tired since the beginning of this morning, but I managed to keep my mind sharp long enough to have this car ride with Lumina.

"It's already causing the connection to become unstable... I won't be with you for much longer."

Her reminder only annoyed me, though I tried to stay as alert for as long as possible. "Nonsense. I still have half an hour left before I'm near home." But even as I said this, I could feel the drain from the weak connection getting stronger, little by little.

"That cute lullaby in your ears probably isn't helping."

It's my tune though. I've gained an interest in classical music, orchestra music, and electronic ambience much more than ever before. I wasn't willing to turn it off, but I knew it wouldn't matter anyway. When I'm ready to fall asleep sitting up, there are lots of signs that it may happen to me. It usually takes hours for my mind to calm down long enough for me to drift to sleep, but right now, the connection is so weak, the drain is reducing those hours into a few minutes. I was already starting to occasionally see double in my forward view, my eyes too heavy to care. "Maybe I will sleep before I get home." I let out another exasperated yawn, fighting a losing battle I could never win. If I get too sleepy in the back seat of this car, the connection will end abruptly.

As I just sat here with warping senses, I knew I was no match for the pull of my own exhaustion. Whatever energy I held onto was fading fast now. I have no choice. I won't make it home with Lumina there with me. "Lumina? Will you stay here with me, even if I fall asleep?"

"Of course... But the connection will fail before your body allows you to sleep." She gave me the technicality that I cared not to listen to.

"Thank you Lumina. I'm bringing you with me to my last day of school tomorrow, first chance I get." Even if I'll only be with her again for the first hour or two of classes, I want every part of her life to mingle with my own. I feel so comfortable in her presence. I feel so safe when we're together like this.

"I'll be sure to enjoy it as always." A sweetness filled her voice, one soothing to us both. I could tell she was as happy as me right now.

"Some days, school is hell on Earth. But you'll be there too, and..." I had to pause my own thought, since another powerful yawn knocked me off track. I felt so tired after such little time, and more tired after that yawn...

No, there was something else missing now. That buzzing sensation, even though it was so weak given a poor connection, I can't sense it anymore. But I don't think the connection failed, right? "Lumina...? Lumina?"

I waited eagerly for her response, but I heard nothing from her at all. It wasn't easy to tell whether I was connected with her or not, but I'm starting to figure out the difference in the sensations. I certainly can't feel her presence anymore. Like she said, I've become so tired now, that even while awake, I can no longer support the connection's stability in the background.

Looks like that's it then... Goodnight Lumina. I hope you're still happy all the way up there. I hope your life is full of the joy from those around you, from the people who love you. And if it turns out that it's somehow not enough, if the love and care you get from your sisters just isn't enough to keep you happy... I'll love you too... Lumina... I love having you here with me.

I shut my eyes, letting my thoughts be guided by my heart playing the role of a Shepard. I want to be with you Lumina, all the time... But then it gets so warm in Georgia, I can no longer hear your voice, like right now. We're no longer connected to each other, making this long ride back home so lonely. What a tragic sense of irony fate has for us. How can I be so happy and sad at the same time?

I didn't have all the answers to my own questions. All I knew were the thoughts dominated by all the memories I spent together with Lumina, playing over and over again in my mind. It quickly reminded me what kind of person Lumina is, and how much I miss her already. Maybe that's why, despite being on the brink of sleep with my eyes shut, I started to cry. My tear fall was silent, noticed by nobody other than myself. I didn't sniffle or sob, but I let the thin rain from my heart pour onto my skin below. It's the first time I've ever cried thinking about Lumina this way, proving to me how much I miss her, how deeply I want every second to merge with her senses.

This feeling is so hurtful! But I won't let it go away. I won't shut it all out! This is part of being with you Lumina, the price I have to pay. There are moments where I'm totally alone, and I just have to accept that. But it's worse thinking how this might make you feel from your perspective. Please Lumina, just know that I'm always thinking about you, always caring for you. I want you to feel no sadness; I want you to be happy. Know this Lumina! Know that from this moment on, you and I will never be separated by choice ever again.

I cherished the thought, knowing that I'll willing spend the best and worst moments I have with her, even the moments that I'm bored. I can't fight sleep and the weather, but I can make every moment from now on count more than it ever did before. Realizing that, believing in that, made me happy. So, I easily drifted on to sleep, resting my head against the car door, while the air around me would let my tears dry away.