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<11/20/2012 - 13:00 | Cage High School (Web Design), Austell, GA, USA>
I had a strange enough day after slipping into another one of my montrums. The skies today were darkened by storm clouds of rain which refused to release their fluffy tanks, leaving us dry with a beautiful bloom. Most who see this rainy weather refer to it as a sad day or bad weather, but I'm instead captivated by its beauty.
It's hard to explain why. Whenever the sky gets like this, creating a perfect blue hue of bloom over everything below, it reminds me of another world I'm sure I've been to before. Of course, I know it makes no sense. I've only ever known this world on Earth, and also Karnak, indirectly. Maybe it was from one of my dreams or fantasies, but I'm certain there is a strong connection between a moment like this and some other part of the world we normally can't see. The weather creates an amazing lighting effect which is a natural constant to that other world, though only part of the puzzle. This is why I easily slip into the montrum every time we have rainy weather, without the rain. It all feels familiar somehow, like I'm looking into a crack beyond our known existence.
That's pretty much been my mindset all day long, as I've spent most of the day bored and without Lumina. The temperature outside was hanging around right at 65oF, (59oN). So, I've been on my own this time, letting my overactive thoughts take over as a means of passive entertainment. Even so, I thought today was strange already. What I would learn later in Web Design would only add to the oddity of my moments.
The class itself was boring, basic and static to my taste, since all we did was learn Html code on the most basic principle. There was one upside though, my seating arrangement right next to Zero. Even in this class, she and I didn't talk too often, but we still made casual effort during moments of free time, easily obtained with the low difficulty of the course. She and I would recently get into random memes or something funny that happened on some show.
That was all normal for me, until today, when she took her time glancing to and away from me before asking me something that was obviously serious for her. "Hey Reed? Is it okay if I get your advice on something?"
"Sure. I'm all ears." Anyone coming to me for advice was something I was already used to. Most of the school doesn't know me, so it doesn't happen too often. I am however aware of my own growing wisdom, at least in certain aspects of life. I see and understand things about people that everybody else is so quick to overlook. I don't catch everything every time, but I've more often been able to draw out courses of better action this way, whether the advice be about romance or something technical.
Zero hesitated for a second, bumping both of her index fingers together while facing me in the wheeled-chair each student had. "Remember that time when you dated Malica Moringstar?"
That's a blast from the past, but sure. I can't understand why she would want to bring that up though. It turned out Malica was in this high school too, though I was never put in any classes near or around her. "I remember." Come to think of it, everything that I can remember, at least after the moment the purge started - resonated with me so strongly. Any memory before the purge was faded and vague. I can't help but wonder if that was Lumina's doing.
"You see, the thing is..." Zero struggled just to spit it out, making me wonder what could be so embarrassing to say to anybody in the first place. "I don't know what to do with her anymore. We've been going out for four months now, but I don't know if things are going to work out."
Zero didn't really give me time to be shocked and confused at her statement. I mean, her and Malica, both girls dating each other like that? Suddenly, there was too much to think about at once. I hid my reaction from her as best as I could, but I never knew she swung that way... Come to think of it, this means Malica swings both ways too!
"Sorry. I guess I should have mentioned earlier that I'm actually a lesbian. I'm not into guys."
Yeah, I figured that out already. Still, it's not what I expected to hear today. Being gay or lesbian is supposed to be bad, right? That's what every Christian preaches anyway. "No, it's fine. I mean, I didn't know until you told me... So you and Malica huh? That's something."
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My hope now was that Zero would assume my surprised reaction pertained to Malica and not her sexuality. Through all my life, I've adamantly put down the idea of anybody being homosexual, disassociating from them immediately whether they were male or female. The primary reasons for this had to do with what the Bible preaches, but more so how my parents raised me. By their logic, all gays and lesbians are in the wrong, have a mental illness, or are simply confused...
But I can't say something like that to Zero. If she were anyone else, I think I would have by now. Zero... Does only being attracted to other females make you happy? Are you this way by choice, because you chose not to date other heathens?
"I tried to learn about the reason you and she broke up, but I never got the story. Lately, she's been ignoring me and hanging out with other people too much. I've been so mad at her for the past week, but I wanted to get your opinion on her."
Yep. Sounds like the same slut I dated back in middle school. That's Malica without a doubt. It's sad to see she hasn't changed one bit. "I don't know how to tell you this, but it sounds like she might be cheating on you."
"I thought so too." Zero let her eyes trail to her desk, her voice sunken and sad. "I've been trying to decide whether I should give her a second chance or not. She's been begging for one, but I just don't know if I'm being too harsh."
Two threads of thoughts blew through my mind at once. One was the aspect of Zero being a lesbian. My internal instincts tried to kick in and tell her that she shouldn't be seeing other girls, but other details to that effect tugged my mind away from using those words. Lately, I've been reading and studying that Bible carefully, and I've found countless contradictions and verses of pure nonsense, if not pure evil when taken seriously, so I've been left more confused and skeptical than ever. I only have my father's stern opinion on the matter to go with now, the one that casts dark shadows on any who are homosexual... However, Zero isn't like what they've described. She isn't a bad person, she isn't confused, and she isn't unhappy with her choice either, except maybe on who she chose.
The second thread of thought devoted to Malica Moringstar directly. I had not forgotten a single moment about the past. I cringed a little inside thinking about how much I reacted to our breakup. I was only so young at the time. Malica and Lumina don't compare in the slightest. "You want the story on Malica? I'll tell you. The reason we broke up in middle school was because she pulled the same kind of crap with me. She basically went behind my back and cheated on me with Kenzaki. I know everyone is a little more grown up now, but it sounds to me like Malica hasn't changed one bit. With exception to Malica, when somebody makes a terrible mistake, I always try to give exactly two chances, the first, plus one makeup chance. You don't have to do that for her if you don't want to; it might not be your style." Without trying, I was giving Zero all she needed to hear just on how I felt alone. I trusted I could still be real with her, despite what I've just learned.
"I see. I'm not the first person she's done this to."
"Yeah, she's a rotten lying cheater. I know that might sound biased coming from me, but you shouldn't take that from anyone. If you're not happy in a relationship with her, try it with somebody else instead."
Zero nodded, still in thought about what she would do in her ultimate decision. It was enough for her to be satisfied mining my brain for purpose, because she went into deep personal thought again.
I had a hard time keeping my eyes off of Zero, since she was now the center of my attention. The first chain of thoughts went on and on, delivering my internal debate about whether this was right or wrong. Whether everything about Christianity was a lie or not, the bottom line for now was homosexuality.
It's hard to defend something I don't really care for. I don't fit that moniker in the slightest, so I've never bothered to be tolerant of anybody who came out of the closet. All this time, I never thought it would happen to somebody I care about.
If I really stuck with tradition, I'd be putting distance between myself and Zero, or at least telling her off... But my mind and body just refused to hold her accountable for this kind of thing. After all, whatever Zero wants to be at the end of the day is her personal choice, not mine.
The situation is more complex though. If Zero can only ever be happy with another woman, then it means there are people in this world who can't be happy unless they are a homosexual, and are allowed to express themselves as such... That settles it right there; father lied to me! Whether he believes the lies of the church himself or not, some people can be happy with being gay or lesbian. With that much said, how can having such orientation be a bad thing?
Zero was the key for me on this subject. I care about her happiness just as much as I do my own. I won't allow some crap like intolerance get in the way of our friendship; it just isn't right. Want to talk about right and wrong all day long? I'll tell you what isn't right, shaming people for their sexual choices. I'm supposed to disown Zero because she likes other girls? Get real! I should have known all along that this religious nonsense was a burning pile of crap.
Zero isn't straight, and that's okay with me. If anyone thinks otherwise, they'll have to answer to both of us now... Of course, I can't be unfair with this situation either. If I'm okay with some girls being lesbians, I'll also have to be okay with some guys being gay, even if the thought sickens me. I'll try not to imagine it for as long as I can.