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<09/19/2010 - 00:00 | Motion Street, Austell, GA, USA>
Has anyone ever wondered what it would be like if night and day switched roles, or what it would be like to never require any sleep whatsoever? I did more than just ask myself the question; I wished for that same mystical reality that could only be found in fantasy. The same way that vampires see the vast glowing moon on a full night, with an audience of twinkling stars, each representing infinite possibility. The knowledge and mental age one could achieve to double their time of consciousness, to observe all that is hidden by the night. How I want a taste of that kind of world!
I felt this way again, tempted into a chain reaction of never-ending sessions of thoughts and daydreams painting such amazing pictures of what life could be like if I were really a vampire, and I knew the fulcrum of my own fascination just as well. I wasn't tempted by the thought of tasting blood, or the insatiable urge to pierce my teeth into a girl's neck, taking some but not all of her life so that I may live longer.
The focal concentrate of this desire came from the night of this full moon. The moon reflects light from the sun back down onto us in the night, a light that should be pure white. And yet, even though its discoloration is ever so slightly noticeable, a cooler tint or aura encases the outer circumference of that beautiful celestial sphere, making its light around it appear somewhat blue. The moon's light dominates the show in the sky, but she never performs alone. Each star, each distant light has a story to tell, a story that we cannot see or hear. Though despite such travesty, they all make up for it by painting our universe, demanding our prolonged gaze and begging for our appreciation.
This is why I am out here tonight, as late as midnight to maximize the peak of this moment. As soon as I let my eyes wander up there, I could not look away for what must have been a whole hour in silence. Was I becoming a night person, fascinated by the different life style that could be lived this way? Or was I in a new phase of obsession, brought on by the wonderful series of Twilight and New Moon? Whichever the case, I knew there was no stopping this feeling now, the chain reaction of thoughts free from my control.
I recently finished reading New Moon, the second book in the Twilight Series, as well as recently finishing the anime called Vampire Knights, which was both incredible and stunning in its story, even though the ending wasn't great. Even one of the show's theme soundtracks latched onto my musical addiction so strongly, the tune playing perpetually to theme the sights around me in the present moment. Mysterious Atmosphere, otherwise known as "Vampire Knights – Mysterious Atmosphere OST" became both an association with this moment as well as a driver for how I felt, getting me to this point. So, the theme of vampires being on my mind made plenty of sense.
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It was an interesting change of pace for once to feel so strongly about the mental obsession being altered to something slightly different than just outer space or whatever those old dreams were about, the ones I used to have. I want to be a vampire, to know eternity without aging, without sleeping, without fretting the usual mundane experience of being human. If I were something more, something far different from other people, then I could be proud of being unique and belong to something wonderful. The mere experience of seeing the entire world through different eyes would be incredibly rewarding within itself.
For example, I look up at the full moon and the stars, amazed and in wonder of everything. But if a real vampire were sharing this same view before their very eyes, what would they see? Would the visuals and light show above appear to be different? Would their burning hunger for human blood warp the very color of this light encased around the moon? The color of that beautiful sphere would appear to them as a powerful violet, because the faint blue haze of its light would be stained with the blood of their desire. A different moon, a violet moon, one that reflects light with all new meaning and grace in their presence.
I knew even as I felt differently in this very moment, that such beautiful twists and twirls of fate do not actually exist, but I still found myself wishing that something of the sort did. Vampires? Time Travelers? Espers? Aliens? Can something of the sort just exist, just once, just for me? What would one single miracle be in the large scheme of things? Why must the universe tease us with so much possibility, only to leave us so dry in our fragile and limited bodies?
Even though there was nothing I could do about it, that hungry desire for more wonder and mystery, that addiction to such powerful mental obsession hypnotized me entirely. It brought me out here in the night, forcing me to sneak out of the house since my mother forbid me from being out so late, drawing me here to the abandoned public park, and giving me a place and time to unload the resonance of montrum and desire that boiled over. Even this silent tiny neighborhood spot was no deterrent to me. Where many saw eerie danger, I saw incredible artwork; an entire area normally full of sitting teenagers or dog walkers stripped of all signs of life, leaving behind colorless shapes of the swings and rails connecting the bars and the slides. Where others would see total silence in the park, my ears having been attuned to the sensitive night that captures the slight brushing breeze of the air, trickling down from gravity and bouncing around the distant noise of the few cars still on main roads one mile from this location. Where others would find a chill in this 63oF air compared to the heat storm we suffered from during the day, I found the tickling touch of the air so calm and welcoming, as if it were inviting me to dance in its grace.
Breaking a piece of my heart on purpose, I stood up from the wooden seat I had been leaning on, reminding myself that I am still required to return home and rest. On my way back, the sadness I embraced from going back home brought to light how much I was loving the night lately. I'm forced to live the life of a morning person given the school schedule of a student, but that doesn't mean that I am a morning person by nature. And if all of life itself could be lived without that bright, burning sun, I would do it in a heartbeat. If even a small miracle could change my fate, I could live life the way I want to. How will I ever get to sleep now?