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<08/31/2010 - 17:11 | 559 Motion Street, Austell, GA, USA>
Blissfully unaware of what I would be in for today, I finished eating my afterschool lunch and dialed Malica's number on my flip phone as habit dictated. Waiting with solace for the ringing to bring her voice back into my ear, I stood in my room where I could have the privacy of a conversation.
As Malica stood in her living room, already talking on the phone with her other friend, her phone began buzzing in vibration, alerting her to an incoming notification mid-sentence. "So that's when he—" distracted by the phone's buzz, Malica glanced at her screen, seeing Reed's number come up. There was no way she wasn't going to answer it, but with the other person on the line, she needed to juggle between both of them for a bit. "Hold on a minute Kenzaki. I'm getting another call." Still figuring out her smart phone, Malica answered the call, correctly assuming that it would put Kenzaki on hold while she and Reed get online. "Hey Reed!"
Even though I've heard it a thousand times, hearing her voice again so soon brought back that sensation to me, that everything in the world would be more awesome because I had her voice to share it with. "Hey Malica. What's up?" I didn't care what the topic of today's talk would be. All I wanted to do was talk to her, about absolutely anything, for as long as possible.
"Actually..." After thinking about it some more, Malica realized that she could make this easier on the three of us if we just talk as a group. Having no intension of hanging up on Kenzaki, she asked me an interesting proposal. "I was on the phone with a friend of mine."
"Oh," I apologetically retuned before she could finish anymore. If she was on the phone with one of her friends, I didn't want to feel bad keeping her from them. Though it hurt me from head to toe just to suggest this, I remained as polite as always. "Did you want me to hang up and call back later?"
"Well, I was thinking we could turn this call into a three-way, if you don't mind?" Uncertain if I would go for it, Malica wanted to talk with both of us at the same time, and this way, she could accomplish that.
A three-way call? It certainly is a little uncharacteristic of her, I thought. "I don't see the harm in that." I wasn't against the idea after all. Three-way calls were rare, but they were always an option for a situation like this. It connects all three phones together on the same call so that all three people could hear each other, kind of like a group chat but over the phone instead. Still, Malica is still kind of a ditz with that new smart phone of hers. "Just don't accidently hang up by mistake."
My words didn't faze her, since Malica was already busy trying to figure it out. The button was on the screen somewhere, and a single mistake could hang up on accident. With a few more seconds of silent searching, Malica found what she was looking for, and gave the tough screen a press. Being on speaker phone at the same time, Malica didn't have to hold up the phone to her ear to test what she had done. "Okay, how is this?"
"Fine now. So, who was it?"
As soon as I heard the voice of the other person Malica was on the three-way with, my throat tightened a little as I kept myself silent a little bit longer, initially confused by the setup. That voice I just heard was male, not female. Despite my unbreakable trust in Malica, the thoughts in my background couldn't help from asking the question; who was this guy and what is Malica doing talking to him? I'm sure there was a good enough reason, so I didn't ask it aloud.
"It's Reed," Malica replied, knowing both I and Kenzaki could hear her at the same time. "And I have him on a three-way call. He can hear us both right now."
"Sup," I uttered, only to confirm for everyone that I could in fact hear the voice of her friend and Malica while the both of them could also hear me. Awkward as it was, I guess I didn't mind.
"Hi there," Kenzaki replied, awkwardly holding the phone in his hand. "Now we're in a three-way..." He said so as if it were a normal thing, but nothing about this situation felt normal. Quite literally now. Malica? What the hell are you thinking? "I'm Kenzaki by the way."
Kenzaki? Where have I heard that name before? Oh, right! Kenzaki is also in my Social Studies class and Gym class. I have seen him hanging around Malica just a little bit in the halls, but nothing that seemed out of the ordinary. Without bringing him up, I decided to behave normally and ask Malica about the scoop she said she had earlier. "So, what ended up happening in fourth period?" I added some anticipated excitement to my tone asking her that, expecting us to make each other laugh like old times. "You won't believe what I heard from Maddison today." The rumors that girl could tell...
"Yo Malica? You got a moment, back on two-way?" Kenzaki did his best to hold in the absurdity of her meddling, so Kenzaki decided to spell it out for her, just as soon as loser boy is cut off the line.
"Sure." Not understanding what this was about, Malica glanced back at her phone to try and figure out how to resume the normal call functions, without hanging up on anybody, but I would need to know about it first. "Hey Reed? I'm going to place your line on hold, just for a second. I think Kenzaki had something important to talk about."
"Oh..." Why ask me then? Why can't she just decide to call me back like a normal person? No, this is fine. It's probably something dumb or personal. If she wants to speak only to Kenzaki only to call me back later, I should let her. But if it's only for a brief moment, putting me on hold shouldn't be a problem either. "Okay." Letting her have the free reign of the entire phone call that was split three ways, I waited for my line to be put into holding, to wait out whatever time I would need to in order to speak to her again normally. Still, she sure is distant today...
Whispering to herself to find the right switch, Malica went with what felt to be correct. "Okay, let's try this." After hitting the button on screen, the phone's display went out of the settings menu, and the caller ID switch back to Kenzaki. "Okay Kenzaki. You're only on my line now."
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"Good," he sounded with minor distress in his voice. "Listen Malica. I know you mean well, but you aren't planning on jostling me around, are you?"
What does he mean by that? "Of course I'm not doing any of that," she replied instantly.
Just as I was about to put my phone down, I realized that despite Malica's claims, I could still hear them; both of them in fact. She must have messed it up after all. Did she mute me by mistake? I wanted to let her know that whatever she did obviously didn't work. But before I opened my mouth to try, I heard something that would haunt me for the rest of my days.
"Reed is just some guy. I don't care about him as much as you think I do. Right now, I'm only talking to you." Confident that only she and Kenzaki were the only two who could hear each other, Malica laid it on thick. Kenzaki doesn't actually believe she and I are serious, and if she can continue to reinforce that belief, he won't leave her.
My whole stomach felt like it was doing a violent backflip inside, from such words that I thought I would never hear. My eyes widened in disbelief, my heart pounding in denial, but I know what I heard just now. That was her voice, telling Kenzaki out loud that I mean nothing to her. It wasn't possible to process what was happening right away, but I knew at least what was going on here. The other person, the private conversation, the meet-ups in the halls... She's cheating on me!
Following up on Malica's promising confirmation, Kenzaki sighed slightly before making his mark clear. "Good. I don't want that loser getting in our way."
"Reed and I aren't going to last forever. All we have to do is be patient."
I felt my grip on the flip phone tightening in the building anger. How much more of this do I have to hear? I'm not a total idiot Malica! You care only about Kenzaki then? Is this what this has been about? "Oh, is that so?!" I gave my voice all the temper I could muster, surprising the both of them since it was only now clear that the three-way call was still a three-way call. She messed it up of course, since she isn't entirely used to that phone, but that isn't the point here. For the first time in my entire life, I'm hearing her real voice. Malica? This is how you treat your boyfriends? You just double date and string one man along until you can't anymore?
"Oh shit!" Malica reactively winced away from her phone screen, not realizing that she just dug a huge hole for herself. Reed heard? How much of that did he hear?! "No Reed! I didn't mean that!"
"What do you mean you didn't mean that? Make up your stupid mind already. It's either him or me." Obviously not caring about her screw-up, Kenzaki wanted answers from her right now.
Does she think she can lie her way out of this? That's all Malica is, isn't she? Telling one lie after another! What about all of that time we spent together in class? What about that date we had at the movies? What about all of those times we made each other laugh to tears? Did any of it mean a thing to you? Was any of it ever actually real?! "No," I corrected aggressively. "I'm pretty sure we're all clear by what you meant, by what you said!" Unable to hold back my emotions anymore, I let it all fly out of me in a fit of rage. "You disgusting cheater!" That's right, I said it!
Realizing she could never take this mistake back, Malica tried to patch up what she could, feeling horrible for me. "I'm so sorry..."
"Oh, is that all?" She's sorry? Really? She knew what she was doing the entire time, and she thinks she can just get away with "I'm so sorry!" Cut it out Malica! Stop lying to me! "Has any of our experience ever been real to you? Or have you been sharing yourself the entire time? I get it now. I'm just not good enough for you! But instead of letting me know that, you just decided, the more the merrier!"
Never hearing me this upset before, Malica didn't know what to say or do anymore. She had nothing, nothing that she could say other than a general apology. "I..." She tried her hardest to think of something to say, but nothing worthy came to mind. "I have to go!"
"Don't you dare hang up on—"
Not letting me finish my rant, Malica quickly mashed the red hang up button, ending the call before it could escalate any further. The way that worked also killed the line between her phone and Kenzaki simultaneously, so she quickly enough found herself alone in the sinking silence of her own room. This isn't good... She and I have school tomorrow, so there is no getting out of this. All she did was buy herself such little time.
Hearing the tone only present when a call ends suddenly, I stopped, surprised by how easily she retreated from my wrath. It wasn't enough to cheat on me, Malica was also unwilling to let me grill her for it too... The silence filled the room. My mind was so caught up in this that I momentarily forgot where I was. But before long, it all finally started to sink in entirely.
Every single memory I ever made with her, every conversation and every laugh we shared, every moment that brought such happiness into my life suddenly turned my whole mood sour in an instant. The facade that existed was finally shattered, but my heart was caught in the crossfire of such devastation. Every one of those moments we shared together really meant nothing in the end. It meant everything to me, but for Malica, it was just play acting. I trusted her to the ends of the Earth, and it was the wrong thing to do... "That... That..." I wanted so much to scream, to do everything to make this sharp pain cease, but nothing I said did anything. So worked up, I let out all that had been building inside for the last minute of silence. "That stupid bitch! She's a cheating whore!"
I had every right to be this angry, but in a matter of seconds, I could feel everything in my mind changing as I sank to sit on my knees in hopeless solitude. "I... She... Nothing I ever did was good enough for her. I tried... I really tried my very best." Despite only talking to myself, the defeat rang all throughout my body, so I could only hold myself up with my two arms against the floor, while the tears of despair finally found me as I was. "She was my only girlfriend. I did everything right by being a good person. I didn't so much as look at anyone else the entire time!"
My body was tensing and cringing so much that my entire appetite vanished, replaced by a powerful urge to vomit instead, and my thoughts only made everything worse. No matter how much I didn't want to think about it, I was forced to remember every detail as if it just happened, stuck in a nightmarish loop that would never end. It killed me once again inside that I had to say it to myself, to promise what this all meant for me right now. That's how it is thought. She and I are done! I don't ever want to see Malica again!
As decided as I sounded, as certain as I was that she and I were really done, there was nothing I could do to stop the floodgates of sadness from breaking down inside me. The tears finally came on a full strength as I darted my face into the pillow to quiet my sobbing. And I would lay in that position for several hours afterwards, trying to tune out the rest of my world while my mind forced me to repeat my past, over, and over, and over again.
Despite avoiding everyone later that night, I couldn't hide my sadness from my parents. My mom found out what happened without any of my own words, giving me advice that I didn't bother to hear at the moment. No matter what I said or did, Malica was stuck on the forefront of my mind. My appetite never returned that night, and so I retired to be as early as I could, reassuring myself at least that I would have some choice words to say to her tomorrow.
I really don't want to see her or talk to her again, but I have to let her know how much this hurts. I have to know why! Why did she do it? Why did she cheat on me? If I know the reason, then maybe this will stop hurting so much. Malica... You have things to answer for!