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<10/19/2011 - 08:44 | Saffrin Middle School (GA Studies), Austell, GA, USA>
"I couldn't be any more ready to go than right now!" Unable to contain most of my excitement, I sat in my usual spot with renewed energy and glee.
I had every reason under the sun to be jumpy and excited about what was to come. My aura was so intense now that the others questioned the reason for my happiness. So far, I only spoke of my decision to attend this Wahsega field trip, after attaining enough information to convince me it was a good idea. I even learned that the general area gets cold more often than this spot of Georgia when it's not raining. So, I was mostly excited to go to Wahsega with Lumina, than simply going to Wahsega, a detail I left out on purpose from everyone else.
On the weekend of Halloween, every person on the list will be going, including many of my familiar classmates whom I know. Here to give into my excited mood, Banarus made the first inquiry to my future plans, starting something new and unexpected. "So then, what costume will you be wearing?"
Costume? Oh, right! Since this event is happening on the night before Halloween, the dance has this one extra constraint. It's not a requirement, but a strong expectation to wear our Halloween costumes to the dance, for fun of course. Unfortunately, I've learned this knowledge far too late to gripe over it. So... "I actually don't have one."
"Whaaat?!" Kate reacted for everyone when I announced my plans to just show up and wing it.
I've never been to any dance before anyway. Even though this one is supposed to be less like homecoming and more for fun, I wasn't prepared for any costume, because the whole Trick-or-Treat celebration was something I already outgrew. "Come on," I defused. "I don't really need one, do I? I have plenty of reason enough to be happy with the way things are going now." I couldn't hide the strong smile I formed just imagining what this will be like. A three-day getaway with the woman I love is just too exciting!
Banarus pointed out the obvious just to ask without asking. "You do seem overly excited about this specific fieldtrip."
"That's because I get to go with the best person in the whole world!" I held my arms tightly to my chest, wiggling around in my seat with a lovey-dovey gesture that made all the world seem more magical!
"Lumina is going too? But I thought she doesn't go to this school!" Zero had every logical reason to be confused. Only those in Ms. Dang's honors classes are allowed to go this year, plus one specific group I'm not part of.
Yeah, and I don't have Lumina here with me right now to bail me from this situation, as she phased the connection earlier. Guess I should have kept the lid on that one detail... Oh well. I can't possibly be too worried about it. Every fiber of excitement inside me overrode every other emotion I was supposed to feel, almost to the point that it made me sick. "There are more than a few ways to get people into such an area, even if their name is not on the roster." I'm doing my best to answer them without lying about the situation, but I'm not sure how far I should go with this.
Zero was instantly disillusioned by my suggestive hints, challenging me on the plausibility of my plans. "What? Come on. First you expect us to believe you have a girlfriend with too many secrets to share, and now you are saying that you can sneak people into fieldtrips with all of the chaperones?"
"I gotta say, I'm with Zero on this one. I don't believe that either."
Banarus and Zero always have to poke holes wherever they can. I'm more than capable of sneaking a girl onto the fieldtrip with me, even without the telepathy. Though, such an ability will make this a laughably easy task for us. I'll attended Wahsega camp with Lumina in tow, and nobody at all will be the wiser. It's the one advantage of telepathy I can't forget about. As for these clowns, I shouldn't care whether or not they believe my plans. "Well I don't need any of you to believe it, cause I don't care. The important thing is to all have fun, right? As long as I get to hang out with Lumina the whole time, things will be awesome!" I kept my voice quiet enough for other groups and the teacher not to overhead, but I felt like I might blast off if I get any more stoked about this than I was now.
Putting one hand around her chin, Laura directed their thought to another obvious possibility. "So then, I guess we all have the option to just watch out for whoever might be Lumina while you are there. It should be whoever you hang out with the most, whichever stranger it might be."
"I probably won't make it obvious." Again, thanks to telepathy, I'm not worried in the slightest. Her presence is invisible to everyone, so nobody will ever guess I'm secretly hanging out with an Altiri alien the entire time.
It was then that Banarus felt the need to point out one annoying detail for me. "You do realize that the entire field is gender divided, right? They have a boy's cabin and a girl's cabin for sleeping too."
"What?!" It was the one detail I completely overlooked! I didn't think they would be so heavy on the idea, but I somehow trusted that Banarus wasn't stretching any lie about this. When was this? Gender divided? You mean I have to hang out with a bunch of filthy, disgusting low-life heathens while I'm there? This is an outrage!
"I'm surprised you didn't know that sooner," Zero added.
With a disgruntled attitude shift, I sank somewhat in my seat, desperately trying to plan around the issue. "I guess I'll just have to do my best to avoid them. I can't believe this." I've gone all this time without having to worry or think about those heathens, but now I'm going to be forced to deal with them. Those crazy idiots could wreck the entire fieldtrip experience! I know Lumina won't be happy, having to put up with their constant proximity. There must be something I can do!
My own visible frustrations reminded Banarus and the others about this one strange attribute of mine. "Right. Didn't you say that you hate being around men?"
Though I haven't had to deal with it for a while, this feeling has never changed for me. After learning how similar most masculine men are to Legasso, I've always seen them as the enemy, as people easily capable of disgusting actions including murder of the innocent. While it can't be attributed to 100% of all men, 99% is still quite high. "I do hate them. I can't help that. I'll admit that I'm sexist; I have nothing else to call it. But you see, that's the real reason I mostly hang out only with girls. It has nothing to do with me trying to be flirtatious or trying to score some kind of reputation. I just don't want to be around them, or near them. You could even argue that it's the reason I act kind of girly all the time. The more feminine I am, the better. That's the way I see it." I didn't know why I was so comfortable admitting this to them, but it was one fact that I didn't try to keep a secret. They always wonder, sometimes verbally bringing up why I am always this way, always avoiding any groups of men, and they deserve to know why, so long as it is the truth.
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After two seconds, Laura just giggled and insinuated one interesting idea. "I bet you wouldn't mind being a girl."
With a similar smile as Laura, Banarus agreed to say, "You probably would have been so much happier as a female."
Their comments had me thinking about it some more. I seriously never considered the idea, since I never thought it possible to literally swap out my gender from one side to another. Trying to think about it at all was too confusing, mainly because of Lumina and how she might feel about it. I don't think she fell in love with me because I am a guy, so gender shouldn't matter, right? Then again, what if this is an important part of what makes me who I am? If I were a girl instead of a boy, would I even be the same person inside?
"Maybe," I croaked. "I happen to like who I am inside, so I suppose I can get over the fact that I'm one myself." I've proven already that I can be as feminine as I want to despite being in a male body, and I don't mind it too much. The important point to all of this however, is that nobody around me will be able to detect Lumina for the fieldtrip. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, I can hang out with Lumina anywhere I want, any time I want. Nobody can take that away from me, gender divided fields or not. So good luck trying to separate us, chaperones!
Without warning, Zero nearly jumped out of her seat, now bouncing up and down to rival my excitement. "I just got the best idea!"
"What? What?" Banarus tried to get pumped up in sympathy, certain Zero was possibly onto something great.
Huh. I've never seen Zero this excited before. I haven't known her for very long. The two of us don't talk enough for that. Seeing such a display now was quite rare.
Zero pointed to me while looking at all her friends. "Since Reed likes being a girl, and since he has no Halloween costume, we can just dress him up as a girl for the dance!"
Eh?! Wh— What are they getting at? Me, dress up as a girl for the dance?! It's too absurd!
"That's a wonderful idea!" Banarus, Kate, and Laura were laughing at the same time as she chanted, leaving me a bit too stunned to try and stop them before the idea became permanent.
"Do you want to be a pretty girl, Reed?"
"In front of all those people too... I should bring a camera!"
"Well..." Too many feelings washed into me at once for a quick reply. I could literally feel a stronger excitement from the four other girls around me from where I sat, as they grew intensely desperate to go through with this plan. The sheer thought of going to the dance as a girl, especially knowing how many other students would be there came close to shutting me down with embarrassment. At the same time, I had this strange urge to agree for multiple reasons. On one hand, I got the predictive sensation that it might actually feel nice pretending to be a girl for a day with full cosmetics. On the other hand, I knew that it would make many people happy, slap happy that is, from laughing too hard and making fun of me.
It was only now that I realized a bit too late that there is this strange overwhelming trait of mine, a desire to get others around me to laugh even at the expense of my own humiliation; the two sensations never equal enough to cancel out. Was I the type of person who just enjoyed public humiliation? I can't say. All I knew now was, the more I personally thought about the idea, the closer I leaned towards it. This is unexpected. Here I am, talking about the possibilities of being more girly. And then the literal opportunity jumps right in front of me. But I wonder what it would be like... I could walk around in high heels, paint my nails, fix my hair, and wear a cute dress... I actually could look like a girl, if I really tried to. I'll never have another opportunity like this one either.
"Come on Reed! It will be fun!" Banarus failed to hide her internal laughter at the thought of me doing something so brazen, but the others continued trying to convince me before I could snap out of my deeper thoughts.
"I dare you to do it! Come to Wahsega as a girl!"
Laura's dare was followed up by Zero's attempt to put her plan into action. "I've got a good dress that should fit your size."
"I'll bring the shiny nail polish!" Kate was all in on the idea as well, as many more started to contribute to the assets needed to make this work.
"I don't wear heels, so you will have to bring your own. But I can fix up your hair."
"I'll bring the make-up!" After Laura's contribution following Banarus, it seemed that all things were quickly accounted for.
They were all getting into this so quickly, I became a little lightheaded, unable to keep up with their shift in excitement rising to a new level. I don't know why they wanted me to do this so much, but I could only guess that it was mostly an opportunity aspect. After all, how many eight graders get the chance to completely feminize a boy for a public dance? Most men would be too proud of their manhood to let them give it a try.
"Y— You want to dress me up like a girl for Halloween?" I blushed, certain I knew already what they were up to. I had to ask the question aloud, so that I knew I wasn't going crazy. This entire idea is what's crazy! I must ask what I'm really getting myself into... And yet, it feels so strange... Strange, yet exciting... I, I don't want to say no to this... I can't say no to this!
Since I was still too silently undecided, Zero made up my mind for me so that I wouldn't get a chance to decline. "It's decided then. You're going to the Wahsega dance as a girl, and you can't get out of it!"
I've never seen so many people this eccentric to display me as a female before; it was almost scary. I really can't weasel my way out of this anyway. I'm the one who openly claimed that I was okay with being girly sometimes. No matter what excuse I had to make for myself to accept the idea, it was still so embarrassing to think about. At the same time, I felt my arms shaking ever so slightly when trying to simulate the moment to be, whatever it may be like.
"You do this, and you will always be part of the group."
Banarus's push confused me a little. So now it's a test of acceptance? I was never part of the group before now? I still had trouble speaking up for myself. I was wanting to agree so much, but didn't have it in me yet to say it proudly.
Yet Zero somehow managed to read my internal thought process written on my expression and body language. "We already know he will do it. Reed? If anyone asks, you're a feminine trap for Halloween."
For whatever reasons I was missing, all of Zero's friends started laughing too hard to breathe, burring their bobbing faced into their arms on the desks. Of course, seeing them this happy for the idea only made me desire going along with it more. From that moment on, it was decided.
"Great..." I couldn't stretch my hesitation any further than it already was, but I didn't disagree to the idea. Despite what Laura might think, I'm not doing this because of the dare aspect. I actually want to know what it feels like to dress entirely as a girl this time, all the way down.
As soon as Banarus recovered enough to speak, she made some additional inquiries. "I bet Lumina will love the look on you. Maybe her reaction will let all of us know which one she is."
Oh, she'll be surprised alright. Now I'm wondering myself what her reaction will be like when she sees me cross-dressing, on top of dancing in such an outfit. Still, they all think this will help them locate Lumina? I can't believe these girls sometimes!
Still unfulfilled in an excitement building beyond nuclear levels, Zero pulled out her phone, trembling slightly in her effort to send off mass texts. "It's too good! I'm getting Ashly and Maddison in on this."
Banarus had the same idea with Zero's inspiration, to involve as much help as possible to make the best transformation possible. "Let's get Malica and Mikaela involved too."
Who's Mikaela?
Just like that, my acquaintances, who couldn't possibly have been as excited as I was to get to Wahsega, were now the most excited bunch of people in the entire school. I was excited too about the idea of wearing a dress, but still too embarrassed to be as certain as they were. "This fieldtrip is going to be awesome!" Even Ms. Hill, who tried to shush the group couldn't dissolve the vibrance in their faces, or the roaring applause within their bodies.
"Whohoo!" All four of them joined hands and lifted them up in synch for their collective cheer, drawing even more attention onto us against the disdain of the instructor. Meanwhile, I just sat alone, questioning my life choices.
What did I just get myself into?