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<08/17/2009 - 10:25 | Saffrin Middle School (Gym), Austell, GA, USA>
The second week on Monday of my 6th grade school, and I still struggled to get accustomed to this specific kind of class. My second period class was also known as gym class, or to others, physical fitness. Don't get me wrong. I was never athletically motivated from the start, but I didn't mind the hassle for a while.
In my fifth grade year actually, I came in first place in a little sprinting competition, defeating Antonio, the previous running champion. We ran on that track several times in 5th grade recess, but that guy smoked everybody in just about every race. I thought that getting faster and better at that kind of stuff would make me more popular...
But I was wrong. Nothing good ever came of it or my rotten luck. Shortly after winning that race, I suffered from a powerful asthma attack, and I wasn't able to recover my lost stamina and breathe quickly enough to get enough oxygen to my body. The diagnosis was only made after that day, as I had never had the disease prior to that moment. Ever since I contracted it, my physical stamina and endurance was half of what it used to be overnight. It wasn't the kind of asthma that required a constant inhaler. It was the other variant, the type that either made it impossible to recover after pushing myself to the brink, or at least made that recovery time extraordinary longer than it would have been for a normal person. If I were to run on that same track for that same length trying to match my old time, I could still come close. But in doing so, I would need about 30 minutes before I could stop gasping for air, and another thirty minutes to return to my normal strength once more. The inhaler can speed up that process, but only slightly.
Ever since that day, I haven't liked gym very much. It's all physical exercise, which I don't typically care for. What worse, I'll never be able to compete in anything extreme due to my now permanent condition of asthma, so it feels like there isn't even a point to it anymore. I'm not chubby or overweight, so weight loss is not something I have to worry about. Thanks to my quick metabolism, I can eat a buffet and still have these noodle arms of mine.
There was another aspect to not look forward to when going to gym class. Elementary school never had this, at least not where I attended. But ever since middle school, they introduced large changing rooms, gender divided of course, where you would be expected to change from your school outfit to your gym clothes. The school was lax on a few things including the lack of any school uniforms, so people brought in whatever they wanted within reason, but it also meant that I had to change clothes in front of a bunch of sweaty, gross, stupid men. Okay, that might sound like an exaggeration now, but trust me when I say that at least some of them are total idiots. Being self-conscious about changing wasn't the issue. The issue was being packed inside a room full of people which happened to include some of the worst natured and worst mannered boys, like something right out of a cliché. Were they bullies? No, not bullies. More like troublemakers. Let's go with that for now.
I couldn't complain too much though. There were a couple of upsides to gym, at least as they would last for the time being. Like I said before, this school is a bit lax with some details, and the gym teachers were pretty interesting themselves. Mr. Richard and Ms. Jennifer were the gym teachers, and have been for some years now according to others. Every Friday was dodge ball day, something I oddly enjoyed since it involved more coordination than anything else. Other than that, many days became what was known to us as free days.
Free days are essentially gym days in which every single student gets to do whatever they want to do, except for sitting down, laying down, or standing around doing nothing. Whatever that something was, it had to be athletic. Even walking around the gym in rectangles was okay, though they encouraged the walkers to jog from time to time. Many groups of people formed their own little circles, while two larger teams formed opposing sides for their basketball games. If anyone wanted to play, it was as easy as walking up to one of the teams and asking to join mid-game.
Others formed games that took up less space in corners. One of the more notorious ones was foursquare. Four square was a strange game I had not learned at the time. Basically, you bounce the ball into the other person's square trying to get them out. It was like Ping-Pong, just with a larger, softer ball and four players.
The point was, everybody formed groups, and I was one of the only other two in the entire gym totally by myself. That's what I get for being so shy and not speaking up when I want to. Two others were alone too, but they didn't seem bothered by it. One girl walked squares while reading a book, and another boy walked around with both hands in his pockets and wired earphones blasting punk rock music, maintaining a demeanor that prevented anyone from messing with him.
Keep in mind, the gym class combines about three or more classes at a time when it starts. This means that even with three times as many people all congregated into the same general vicinity, I still turned out to be alone. If that isn't lame, then I can't say what is.
Remember that other upside I hinted to earlier? It was really only one-sided and kind of shallow, not too fulfilling in its own right. That upside was that it placed in front of me plenty of more girls of whom I could potentially meet, talk to, and one day go out with. I wasn't particularly motivated to find someone to love. I was more motivated to find someone to talk to.
Hanging out with the guys just wasn't working. I try and try, but I'm just not like any of them. I'm not too athletic, I don't care even 1% about sports, I only play the single-player video games, and I'm so unpopular that many keep me at a distance to improve their own chances of attracting girls to their little fan clubs. There was even a time in the fourth grade, a moment of weakness where I tried to cast aside all that I was, to pretend to be entirely like them. But I didn't agree with the person it was turning me into, so I resisted in the end and stopped trying to do that to myself.
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Therefore, I was more inclined at least to consider hanging out with groups of girls, not necessarily to flirt, but to do so as a means of trying something else because that other strategy never worked. The problem however was still me in that case. I was already shy talking to anybody. As a boy barely entering adolescence, being face to face with a cute or pretty girl only made me sweat, sent all my thoughts accelerating to out-of-control overthought scenarios, and sealed my lips tight in fear I would say something stupid. I was no good hanging out with the guys, and I was also no good with talking to girls. Even in moments where I wasn't as nervous, I still would rather observe than act or speak in front of someone I wanted to be friends with. In the end, it got me to this point, right here, alone, with nobody to talk to.
Moreover, if there ever was going to be any moment where I would try and fail to pursue an opportunity to flirt, there is only one student in this entire class I would be willing to try it on. My eyes drifted over to her again, mesmerized by her awesome gym outfit, her athletic involvement in games, and that cute face of hers...
I didn't bother alerting myself of what I was doing. Here in gym, despite the number of people, there was a huge amount of space, and with me standing on the opposite side of the room from her, I could stare at Kaitlyn all I wanted without anyone else catching on. So for the first few minutes of gym, that is exactly what I ended up doing. If only I had the guts to go up to her and ask her out. Forget that! I don't even have the guts to go over there and ask her a mundane question of all things!
So this is the progress of myself, and the progress of where I will stay I guess. I'm aware of how shy I am, but it still does me no good. I can't deny it any longer. I'm too much of a chicken to talk to her despite how I feel inside.
"Hey, so your name was Reed, right?" Her sharp voice broke me out of whatever trance I was in while walking around. She seemed to have a good reason to ask this question.
Even with such a simple and innocent question, her voice directed at me frightened and surprised me, though I made sure to hide that from whoever was talking to me. Who the hell?
Standing with a red jacket wrapped around her waist, her back slightly arched forward, and her hands around her hips, she was no doubt addressing the clueless state I was in. "I already know you're a weirdo, but do you think you can act normal for a day and join our game? We can't seem to find a fourth player."
When my mind came back down to earth, I remembered who this was. Her voice is so precise and projected, most would know it from a mile away sometimes. This is Laura. I only met her in Spanish class a few days ago, along with her friend Kaitlyn. When I realized they were in my gym class, I wondered if this was the place I could have accidentally seen Kaitlyn only to dream of her later on. But that wasn't the case either.
You see, when my English and Math classes were messed up, it also changed the frame of time I would have gone to my gym class in the first place. I previously had gym in sixth period, not the second period. Even by that logic, I should have actually seen her that day in my second period, but Kaitlyn was actually just late enough to miss the class for that portion. So, I actually have these two in my Gym class and my Spanish class now, two whole periods where I get to absorb the beauty of her face...
Without drooling over myself, I nodded and agreed to join Laura in their collective game of foursquare. That was the game she was playing earlier, same as Kaitlyn. I noticed them bouncing the ball just a minute ago, so one of their buddies must have decided to abandon their game for something else. Either way, I couldn't relax or be too happy with this scenario. It should be an honor and a blessing to have this chance to play foursquare with Kaitlyn, let alone being invited to play a game at all. It was the reason I agreed after all. But there is still a catch.
Laura just so happens to be Kaitlyn's best friend. On the outside, that is what most people can clearly see through their shred interactions, but there is actually more to it than that. I have been observing the two of them after all, and I learned something interesting about Laura that most guys probably would never guess without the little amount of time it took me to figure out. You see, Laura is not just Kaitlyn's best friend. She also happens to be the guard dog.
Oh, the dreaded guard dog! Who would have thought that Kaitlyn would have someone like that looking after her? Guard dogs are simply people who secretly or silently protect their friends from any other person enacting flirtatious behavior onto them, or any other kinds of advances. Of course, they don't openly announce it; better to operate under the radar and get a clear reading on all who approach Kaitlyn, making her move only when necessary. I've got to hand it to Laura too. Not many people can try to pull something like that off. Her being a guard dog in disguise also means she too has enough intelligence or understanding about other people to read what they might be feeling or what they might be trying to do contrary through their words. It's also a little strange that she would have to be one at all. Kaitlyn is cute enough, I won't deny that, but Laura isn't that hard to look at either. Yet, I never see any interested men approaching Laura. Perhaps I'm only looking at the wrong time, or perhaps she purposely pushes anyone she doesn't like away from her.
As I continued walking to the other end of the huge room, I still had a brief moment to think. On one hand, it put a part of me at ease. Her very existence means that I won't have to worry about rude idiots trying to bother Kaitlyn. Laura will bark them away if they try. But on the other hand, her selection of targets could wind up including me as well. Then again, as I recalled from before, it's not like I even have the guts to try talking to her anyway. For that reason, Laura won't ever suspect that I actually have a crush on the girl she is trying to protect. If I can just control how I feel, I might at least be able to hang out with them both as friends instead of someone they would feel awkward about hanging out with.
At least for now, Laura was telling the truth with nothing mischievous behind her intentions. They really were down a player. You can't play foursquare with only three people. She must have seen me waltzing around doing nothing and plucked me at random since I was alone to begin with. It's easier sometimes to involve someone into something than to uninvolved someone with something else. Uncertain if I was overthinking it, I simply decided to put a lid on the subject and just play foursquare. Even if don't seem like a normal person, I can pretend to act like it for a change. When I'm always just staring off into space, of course people like Laura and Kaitlyn will think I'm a weirdo. Anyone who sees me like that will. This is my chance to try and normalize my reputation.