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<02/26/2012 - ??:?? | Location Unknown>
Despite the shifting usual flow of my life, the notes of destiny played their harmony, beautifully enough to entice me in a dance, but gradually enough for me not to notice. In a mirrored world darker than the one I was used to, I stupidly stumbled around through my passive days of middle school, assuming I would never have a social life comparative to average habits.
Whatever image I assumed turned out to be as dynamic as the swirling seas in the skies, because before I knew it, I was sitting in the back of my parents' car, buckled smug next to a current classmate of mine. I couldn't begin to explain how unusual this situation turned out to be, since I've never even been to another friend's house before, excluding Nae, who I won't count right now since she is so hyperactive and easy going. Even then, I've never sat next to a classmate in the back seat of a car before. Naturally, I was nervous.
Veronica was not the shiest person I've met, but she wasn't too outspoken right now either. She sat on the other side, buckled up holding a stuffed doggie to accompany her ride. We were all getting a ride actually, not to either of our homes, but out somewhere special. I was informed days before this moment that my mom and step dad were planning a trip to the Outlet Mall in Woodstock.
I've actually been to this outlet mall before, a couple years back. That place was both amazing and magical from what I could remember, but during the time I was there, I was too young and distracted to appreciate its wonders. Since recently, I've been begging them to go to the outlet mall again while taking me with. Somehow, I managed to talk myself into asking Veronica to accompany me on this trip. I made sure to ask her to join me in this event as a friend, but especially right now, I'm cautiously treading the line since this could easily feel like a date.
I convinced myself it was within normal to ask a girl out to the mall like this, and I hoped Veronica thought of this in the same way. It was still challenging not to be nervous though. I've often questioned my platonic compatibility between myself and Veronica, still uncertain even to this very moment. I dared not think again to tell her the truth about Lumina, less the scenarios playback endlessly in my mind, trading uncertainty for a deep and addicting montrum, the montrum of what I wanted to be true, versus what I knew deep down would happen.
I had to put all of it aside for now, prioritizing the moment to have my fun while hanging out with Veronica at the same time. Given Lumina's absence in today's weather, becoming better friends with Veronica is what I wanted most.
So, when we arrived at the outlet mall, getting lost in the alluring surroundings, I made sure to have as much fun as I could, following Veronica into various stores as I dragged her into some of the places I wanted to see. Each time we left one, our hunger for more adventure spiked up. It was all too easy to enjoy myself, and the bliss seemed to last forever.
If I could save today as a token of my greatest accomplishments, I wouldn't hesitate. After all, it was tough as hell for me to ask any school mate if they wanted to hang out with me. While it's still true that I only associate and surround myself with women, the reason for my overbearing shyness in these situations has nothing at all to do with attractiveness or flirtatious intent. I've been wanting to hang out with them as friends, as buddies, doing anything and everything I could without crossing the line of romantic territory. No matter what I try, my intentions are always pure.
That isn't the source of my social anxieties. What I fear most, what makes me so nervous, is the expected reaction those would give me if or when I ever decide to tell them more about myself, specifically more about Lumina. If I ever do make a friend out of these other middle school girls, I don't want that friendship to be destroyed by a few simple truths. If I have not yet made a friend, I don't want this one thing looming in between us as a wall, making real connection totally impossible, thanks to the lies and cover-ups I have to employ to keep Lumina a secret.
That's why I get nervous around some of them. I can't remember exactly how I was able to bluntly ask Veronica to go with me to a place like this, but I was so happy to hear her approval that I had stopped caring to those regards. All I focused on in the moment was hanging out together and having a good time.
It's also important to remember; life's not fair. Not long after I congratulated myself for enjoying the day to the fullest, the entire world around me sank into an abyss of darkness I've never witnessed, the void dragging me and my stamina down with it. In virtually no time at all, I was no longer standing in the outlet mall or near the car. My body found itself floating helplessly at the center of black nothingness, and I suddenly felt so tired and mentally drained, it took me much longer than I wanted to realize what was happening around me.
Before my final moments of consciousness, a bright and clear image of detail flashed itself in front of my eyes, cropped as a glowing calendar with a large red circle around today's marked date, February 26th. As soon as I read the date of the isolated floating calendar, my eyes grew heavy, while I drifted back to sleep.
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<02/04/2012 - 12:00 | 1010 Link Street, Marietta, GA, USA>
As with all dreams, I was briefly confused on where I was and where I ended up. All memory I had of a few moments ago were so clear and present, but after coming to my full senses, I realized that I was back in reality, waking from a pleasant but strange dream. Before I could ask the rhetorical question to myself, I held my hand over my eye, upset over what many have gone through before.
A sad dream can make anyone cry. A happy dream can also make anyone cry, when the world of fantasy becomes more favorable than reality, even for a fleeting moment. All of this was one huge step backwards for me. As all my memories of before updated and synchronized to show me the truth to my own nature, I realized that I was foolish to believe I was ever outgoing enough to have any interactions like what I just lived through. I couldn't remember the exact date right now, but I was positive I've never asked Veronica to go anywhere with me in any manner, nor could I ever, due to my persistent awkwardness...
"No way!" I sternly sat up, awake and alone in my own bed. "Even though it was just a dream, all of that showed me what I wanted to happen. If I could do it there, then—" I stopped short to try simulating what I wanted to do, what I felt was right. My persistent begging to go to the outlet mall was not isolated to the dream. I've been doing this for the past month and a half to my parents. If I keep at it, they should take me there soon enough.
If I ask Veronica to go to the outlet mall with me after the plans are set, really ask her as a friend to hang out, then I'm sure I can turn that dream into a reality. It probably won't play out at all like it did in the dream, but I still have to try. I'll make sure Lumina can be there with me as well, so that everything is better than what I just went through.
I thought this all to myself while getting out of bed to face the wall-mounted paper calendar I set out for myself. My phone helped me keep up with the current day of today, being the forth, but when I faced the calendar after remembering more about the dream, that same weird flash of a different date flooded my mind without warning. It was the strangest sensation I've felt; a weird certainty that the marked date was somehow important...
"Eh, we'll see about that." I casually put a marker dot on the date I remembered from my dreams, proving to myself before the evidence that it was all meaningless. February 26th? Was that the day we were supposed to go to the outlet mall? I doubt I could make it work out that precisely, but why even bother? I'll pick the date and time myself, and chip away at the patience of my parents before long.
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<02/26/2012 - 15:49 | 1010 Link Street, Marietta, GA, USA>
From the many mindless days that passed, that fateful day came after all. I did my best to think of ways in asking Veronica to go to the mall with me, but came up short for words every single time. The more time I had to think about the overlapping weirdness that the experience could possibly be seen as a date, the harder it became for me to talk to her in general. The dream itself felt more unbelievable too; me inviting someone, let alone going with them to a place so far from home was so unlike me. I could do anything with Lumina no questions asked, but among other humans, I was always too scared to try anything too spontaneous.
Even so, that didn't stop my parents from going to the outlet mall after all. There was only one big problem with their plans to go. I noticed it after getting back home from my dad's house, after listening to a voicemail from my mom explaining where she was and what she was doing.
Those saps drove on out to the outlet mall without me! They knew I've been dying to go, and they just decided to head out that way on a whim of their own, leaving me behind. They never bothered to ask me; they never recalled my excitement over that place into consideration. So I was plenty ticked off when I found out about it. I'd have to ride with them since I own no car, but all of my pestering should have been hint enough about my desires to go there! Was I being punished? Was I being pranked?
Regardless of the reasons, the sentiment would matter much less to me later. Without meaning to, I drifted over towards that calendar I hung up on my wall, thinking of it as something I could destroy to calm the rage boiling in my heart. That's when I saw the mark, a tiny little dot beside the current date that I made all those days ago. Seeing this mark was a figurative slap to the face.
I had nearly forgotten all about that strange dream, as the details became vague in the short period of time that passed. I still remembered much of it clearly enough, that I went to the outlet mall with Veronica. Obviously, it was just a dream about going; that's not what was shocking to me. At the end of the dream, I witnessed this same calendar date, the same day as today, the same moment that I marked with ink weeks ago!
I didn't plan on going to the outlet mall today. The fact that my parents left me by myself to enjoy that place was its own nasty surprise. It took me a long time just standing blankly to connect these dots together, even so did I find it to be totally impossible. February 26th was the calendar date that was marked from within my dream back them, but today was also the 26th, also the same day those two clowns pull the stunt of going there on their own.
Did mom and Peterson plan this trip way in advance, or was this somehow a huge coincidence? Looking at the facts, it started to feel more and more like I somehow foresaw this moment coming so long ago, even though this stupid calendar dot was the only tether between two points of time.
It couldn't be another psychic vision! Those clairvoyant visions I was getting earlier have already gone away on their own, just as Lumina told me they would. She and I prepared to help me learn mastering clairvoyance for manual use, but its power faded before we could execute that plan, happily enough...
So then what is this moment supposed to mean? It can't be a vision of the future. Just because I noticed a specific date in the dream play out in real life... No, this has to be something else. It's weird, but I'm willing to play this off as a fluke. I don't know a single person who can view distant moments of the future, and I'm not about to become one of those people either.
It's just a fluke; nothing more and nothing less. The fact that I predicted which day they would leave for the mall, meaningless! The mark that I left on the calendar all those days ago, pointless! Even this chapter title can't possibly hold any merit. Just forget about it for now...