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<06/01/2011 - 22:00 | 44 Greivar Trail, Marietta, GA, USA>
"You just get so lost in the sky, looking at that view."
I really did lose myself in the beautiful ocean above our heads, the ocean of twinkling stars amidst the chill of the night air. The view, thousands of mysterious distant worlds at a glance captivated my eyes, while the serene music in my headphones played my heart like guitar strings. "Hollowed Heart" by Christoffer Franzen mystified the air around us, synchronizing with the beauty of the stars as it cast magic into this very moment.
"Can you blame me Lumina? Just look at them all... There are so many stars out right now, I feel like I could see the whole universe. If only I could reach out and travel to them." I didn't deny the enchantment; it all felt too wonderful to look away. In this silent night, out here on the front yard, I have this private field all to myself, shared with the woman I kept hidden from everyone else.
"Yeah, but you're still one interstellar spaceship short of that goal."
"Who cares?" My soft whisper reflected the calm in my body. I knew it was unrealistic to think I could travel the stars, but just thinking about it was so relaxing, I cared not if my ideas were practical. How could I care about anything else in this beautiful moment? Nothing I've ever seen can compare to this. Laying out under the stars with Lumina again, it's true bliss!
Catching onto my inner tone, Lumina abandoned all seriousness too, letting her emotions simmer and melt into the euphoric peace between us. "Yeah. It really does look amazing."
I knew she was seriously enjoying the same view through my eyes, but it brought up an interesting question for me. "Don't you get views like these where you live?"
"Well, on Karnak, it's a little different. We can still see the stars at night, but..."
"Hold on a sec. If you have a blue star, how does that look in the skies of your planet?"
"Well, do you know what it looks like during the winter, when it's just about to snow in your world? It's kind of like that for us all the time. But at night time, or up here on my ship, there's a lot more light pollution. Even though we don't plant all those lamps and electronics everywhere, our system skybox has this constant faint blue hazy view to it, instead of the pitch black you see from your solar system. The light from our star reflects off the Phobium Cloud nebula, and it kind of makes distant stars here a little harder to see."
"How is that even possible?" I've still not attained a full grasp of Lumina's solar system.
"You should see it someday. On Karnak, once it's night, the sky is never entirely pitch black. It's really amazing. But I'm used to it, so it's hard for me to say it with such feeling. Plus, I haven't been back to Karnak in a very long time. On the other hand, the view in front of you is something I never could have imagined!"
"Look at us, comparing notes between our two worlds."
"There isn't much to compare..."
I kept myself silent, waiting for Lumina to realize the error in her own words, which didn't take long. We're not trying to see which world is better in the end.
"Okay maybe I'm wrong."
"You think?" I got Lumina to chuckle a bit before opening up on the amazing love we share for the world around us. "Most people would shy from the thought of a frozen, barren world, but based on the memories you showed me, Karnak looks like a really beautiful place to be. I bet that sheer cold feels amazing, as an Altiri anyway."
With the topic of world and nature fresh on our minds, Lumina started talking about it on her own. "I'll admit... The Earth has a lot of beautiful land, and many more places that I would love to see in person... It's just that, the humans there have kind of ruined it all."
"Yeah, can we not talk about people anymore?" I hear and say all the time how much society in general messes with the people around us in indirect ways, often unintentionally, but I'm just not in the mood to bring it up again.
"Touchy subject?"
"I just don't want to deal with them anymore. Banarus, Ashly, all of them! I'm tired of making such a constant effort just to talk with them. When I'm sitting alone and by myself, especially without you there as a distraction, they make zero effort to come and speak to me, about anything. I mean, they could just ask how I'm doing or something! At least try to return some effort, but noooo. None of them give a crap enough to do that for me." I've given them all too many chances, resulting in me having no friends in school despite constantly hanging out with people. It's just not the same with anybody else.
"I know," she murmured apologetically. "I'm sorry that all the advice on people just wasn't enough in the end. I thought I knew humans well enough, but their mentality changes so frequently between generations."
"What the heck are you sorry about?" I almost sounded mad, but I quickly confirmed to her that she has nothing to apologize for. "Everything you've taught me has literally expanded my mind. I bet I'm ten times smarter now than I was before, and I did still learn how to better speak to people because of it... Even if I am still a little shy, that won't last forever. Lumina? You did nothing wrong."
At the risk of embarrassing her a little, I told Lumina the truth about how helpful she's been to me, and it reminded me about how all of this started, about every moment we've ever shared together. We might have clawed at each other's throats if we were to have met in person all those months ago, but Lumina and I are both decent people who care about others. She cared enough to help me try and be more social. I cared enough about her to listen to what she had to say on a whim, to hear out her incredible yet implausible story, the craziest thing I think any human could ever learn in all their life.
All I've wanted in life were friends, people I could talk to, or people I could care about on a genuine deep level; a platonic intimacy. I haven't gotten that from my parents, not since I stopped being a kid. I've never had anything close to that at school. It's not as if I thought nobody loved me, but I was certain nobody could possibly begin to understand what kind of person I'm like inside. Nobody tries to learn. Nobody puts in the effort even when I ask them to...
But I never had to ask Lumina anything. She just does it on her own, and it encouraged me to focus the same effort onto her. I never had to ask or beg for her attention. I never needed to plea when I needed help, or just somebody to be there for me. I never felt too embarrassed to say the wildest things to her, because I knew she would always hear me out until the very end. Even when I put everything strange aside; if I ignore the fact that our communication is purely telepathic, that we are both space aliens to each other, or that she has all these amazing super powers that I do not, what's left over is still the most amazing person I will ever know! Lumina is that unique; there isn't another soul in the universe exactly like her, not to me.
"I know that," Lumina continued from my earlier comment. "But I still wanted you to at least have two human friends. I want somebody else to care about this, even if it means sharing your secrets with them. I want my efforts to mean something to you."
"Lumina? Your efforts mean everything to me. I know now that you really put in all the effort you ever could into helping me, and I'll never stop being grateful for that. That's why you're so amazing." I needed not say anymore, as both our eyes were slightly twinkling from the reflection of soft contained tears, tears of truth and happiness.
"Thanks for saying that Reed." She was trying to hold her voice together too, which was hard given what I just said from my heart.
"I know that I have no physical way to prove to others that the Altiri are real. But I know the truth anyway, so it's going to be okay."
"So then... Is that feeling based on faith, or something else?"
I knew why she asked that. Concretely speaking, I still have yet to prove their existence even to myself. If we were to go by hard tangible evidence, even I could produce nothing. What I have instead are experiences; memories that Lumina and I made together, perceptions of what I know and feel to be reality. If she were anybody else, the haunting possibility of an insane mental illness would have gotten to me by now. But there is just no way.
There is no way I could have accidentally made up somebody so real, somebody so genuine and beautiful, so caring and pure. I can't accept the possibility that I'm insane, because now, I refuse to accept any reality in which Lumina doesn't exist. "It's much more than faith. I've had you in my head, sharing most of our thoughts for six months now. I don't care how you slice it; none of those experiences were fake to me. Everything I've learned and felt is all real; it's the realist thing I've ever felt in my entire time existing."
She has to hear everything! She must know everything I feel. "You are real, Lumina. I don't care what anybody else might argue. They can't prove or disprove anything beyond what I'm able to. And I guess, I guess that's why I'm happier today. I may not have any human friends, but I do have you here with me. You're always here for me when I need it. You're always so helpful and kind to me, and you're always going out of your way to help me with hard issues in life, or to just hear what I have to say... Thank you Lumina."
"Yeah, no sweat."
My words did reach her. I could feel the proof emanating from her mind, a satisfaction I'm most familiar with, satisfaction derived from making somebody very happy. It's proof she really does care about me enough; Lumina goes out of her way to make me happy, just as I've tried to do for her recently. For the next few minutes, we laid still with the star field in our sights, merging the moment with all we felt from this magical moment. In between that moment, I changed the song to "Evangelia" by George Skaroulis.
"I wonder if it's getting late in your world."
"Who cares about that? I'm not even tired one bit." My training paid off in the end. Since school was finally out for the official start of summer, I was allowed to stay up later. Allowed or not, I pushed myself on a night schedule, for this reason right here. Late at night, the air becomes cooler, allowing me the chance to be with Lumina a little longer. If I'm not tired, I can keep going longer and longer.
"I guess school being out for the summer has made you more excited."
"Well, it is nice that I won't have to put up with some of those idiots anymore. But right now, I'm only happy because I'm out here, spending my time with you."
"Oh..." Though I didn't register it, Lumina's reaction was more nervous or jumpy than her standard calm.
"I'm serious. I'm always so much happier when you're around, and it took me long enough to figure out why."
"You don't say..."
With a rough exhale designed to keep me calm, I sat myself up in the field, addressing the most important feeling to me now. "Just bear with me Lumina... There's something that I have to tell you."
"It's okay. You don't have to—"
"Ahp! Let me speak!" I quieted down just after, furrowing my eyes slightly to ensure she was seriously preparing to listen to me one more time, just once more. "All this time since we've met, I've been through so much with you. I had to learn about ancient civilization and history from your planet, the good and the bad. A lot of crazy and weird stuff happened to me too. But most importantly, I got to learn a lot more about you. Right now, I'm not sure where you stand in this, but I don't need to find out in order to understand how I feel about our situation. For a long time now, you and I have been the best of friends to each other."
"We also fought a little bit, at times..."
"Of course. It took me some time to get used to you, and I bet you may have had the same issues from your own angle. But the point is this. You've always been here helping me through life, not once trying to ruin anything for me or sabotage anything. You've always cared specifically about my thoughts and feelings, not about how I looked or some dumb thing I may have said one day. I don't know what they call it up there, but friendships like that are exceedingly rare on this planet. I've also had to classify a few things in my head, to discern the difference between my own feelings, and to make sure this specific line we've been standing on was as clear as possible. My feelings are now more visible to me than ever."
"Okay." Lumina waited patiently for me to get to the point.
"I..." But now that I was ready to say it, my thoughts began to trip over themselves as I continued beating around the bush. I wasn't sure what to do, since I've never done it before. My heart was already racing so fast, I'd be shaking if I had any less control of my body than now. I've struggled my whole life to speak what was on my heart when it matters this much, and the fear of how she might react only made it more difficult for me. "I just want you to know that, I have certain feelings for you, after all we've been through. I mean, we really have been through a lot together Lumina, and... What I'm trying to say, Lumina, is that the kind of friendship we have..." My breathing became a little faster too, but I forced it out with as much effort as I could muster. I kept chanting to myself, reminding myself who I was talking to. "It's nice, but it could be better if... I'm just going to say this once and for all Lumina."
"..."
"Lumina? I love you!" I heard her gasp softly, and I think I did too in shock of me admitting it out loud. There's no going back from here, but I have to be sure she really gets it. "It's not the kind of love a friend would normally have for another, it's far more romantic than that. I really love you Lumina. I love everything about you!"
Lumina was silent, but I felt the physical sensation of her hands suddenly on her closed mouth, and her eyes hanging open wide. Even though I knew my words came to her as a severe shock, knowing her reaction through telepathy made me blush harder than I ever have before.
But I wasn't willing to stop, not until all that I felt could reach her. "I know what you told me earlier, that I shouldn't get too attached to you. At the time, I didn't know what you meant. Truth be told, I'm not looking forward to being separated from you when the real summer does happen. But I don't care about that anymore Lumina." All my fears melted away, though my nervousness made me twitchy. I lost some control of what I felt, letting myself laugh and giggle like an idiot. "I'm in love with you Lumina! I can't find anything wrong with that. It's embarrassing for me to say this, and I'm sorry for dumping this on you, but..."
"It's okay... I just wasn't expecting that..." She finally spoke up, allowing me some time to breathe and recover, uncertain if I've made the biggest mistake in the entire world. "You sure know how to get my heart pounding. I really wasn't expecting you to tell me that tonight... But Reed? There is something I need to tell you."
Oh god! Her wording, I can't decide if it's a good or bad sign. I wondered days ago if Lumina would be put off by my feelings towards her. I thought back, realizing I must have felt this way for some time now, but only had recently to discover these feelings. I don't want her to leave me just because of the way I feel for her. "Go ahead."
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"I can't believe this is actually happening to me, but I have to say it now... Reed? I'm in love with you too."
"Wha— Seriously?!" I didn't mean to sound so shocked, but that wasn't a confession in response to how I felt now. Her words had a different time frame to them. Lumina... She really loves me too? Since when? When did her feelings for me develop, and why didn't she tell me anything about this before?
My own internal questions were smashed to bits by the overwhelming vortex of dopamine flooding through me. "That's... That's amazing Lumina! We actually feel the same way about each other!" It was obvious, but saying it aloud felt so much better. The reality of what just happened was still sinking in some more, exciting me with no limits! Lumina loves me too! She loves me at the same time!
"I've actually had these feelings about you for a long time. They've festered deep inside me. It isn't a crush, but something deeper than that." Lumina was as slap-happy as I was, trying her best to hide it, while failing in her occasional giggling.
"You mean, the entire time I've been purged?" I sensed that the timing of her confession wasn't in direct response to mine. I was now most curious to learn when. At what point did she realized she likes me? Was it all the way from the very beginning? I was a bit younger back then. Does that make it a little weird?
"No, at first, I just wanted to protect you. I wanted to help you out when you were struggling to get a grip on life, failing at every corner. You were too quiet to say anything about it, too shy to voice a single complaint. But after I finally got to meet you, to speak with you, hang out with you, and find out what you are really like... I just couldn't help myself. I had to do whatever it took to make you happy, even if it meant I couldn't confess my own feelings."
Some of the things she said confused me. I first had to wonder if her positive attitude towards me was a bias that only existed because of her feelings to me, whereas she would be mean to anybody else. What puzzles me even more was the reason why Lumina thought she couldn't tell me how she felt sooner. Before I could even ask, my background thoughts were trying to go back in time, to all the memories I had, trying to analyze if there were any moments we shared where Lumina seemed a little strange or nervous about anything, considering those feelings she had longer than I did. "I bet it's liberating to confess them now... But why the hell didn't you say anything sooner if that's how you felt?"
"I was afraid that you might not feel the same way. I didn't want to put you in that awkward position."
"Bullshit!" I had to call her out on it now. I could only understand this feeling now. Back when I was going out with Malica Moringstar, or when I was crushing on Kaitlyn, the pleasure I got from it wasn't even in the same galaxy of how good I feel telling this to Lumina. The love I have for her now, it's far stronger, far purer than anything I've ever known or ever will know. If all things Lumina has told me before were true, then the way she's felt for me had to be just as intense, if not even more intense! I had to tell her tonight. I felt as if my mind might explode if I didn't finally get it off my chest. So that's how I know she's fooling herself about it now. There's no way a silly fear of rejection would stop her from anything, not for Lumina.
"You can tell me the real reason Lumina. Nothing you say to me will ever make me hate you. I know you weren't too afraid to tell me how you feel, out of shyness alone; it isn't you. You want to know how I found the courage? I'll tell you. It's because you are the most important person to me in the world Lumina. It wouldn't mean anything if I didn't tell you how strongly I feel. I love you Lumina! God, that feels so good to say!"
"I'm sorry I kept it from you all that time Reed. It's just..." Lumina took her time, choosing her words carefully while I waited on her, the music helping us both think. "I didn't want you to fall in love with me, simply for the reason that I felt that way about you. I didn't want you to only like me because of how I secretly felt inside. I want the way you feel for me to be genuine, straight from your own heart, encouraged only by you. You can deny it all you want, but you defiantly have a habit of doing that with other people."
"I don't..." I cut myself off for time, processing all she was saying. Her reasons were still something I could live with. It actually sounded more beautiful the way she put it. As much as I wanted to deny that I was so basic, from experience, I knew she was right. It was an effortless memory to return to. When I went out with Malica Moringstar, I only did so because she asked me to date her. Before that, I actually had no romantic interest in Malica whatsoever. A bit more self-examination is all it took me to reluctantly agree with her. If Lumina told me her feelings sooner, I would have been thrilled, but only from the excitement of being loved in the first place. I wouldn't have been in love with her, rather, I would have been in love with the idea of her being in love with me.
I never realized how complicated love could be, but now that I knew the truth, I didn't hold it against either of us. "Alright, you have a point. I think it's realistic to think I may have reacted that way... But none of that matters now. Lumina? What I feel for you developed in me from zero, a bond that I cherished of my own volition. So you don't have to worry about holding it in anymore. You're the one I love Lumina, always!"
"I love you too Reed... Oh, I wish I could be there right now with you, to hold you."
The same desires were reflected from within. I want to hug and hold her too, to feel the physical touch of her hand, and to embrace her in a new labyrinth of sensation I'm now learning on my own. No words I could come up with would ever express how badly I want to be with her in person right now. That bittersweet desire made us both tremble slightly. "I want to kiss you."
A scathed breath jumped from her mouth. Lumina's pupils were dilating to my level, trying to lay reality before us. "I want to kiss you too... But our connection would never allow for that. I mean, it's just not a possibility. Sorry Reed, but you can't kiss yourself." It's the cruel rules of telepathy. We can physically touch our own bodies, our arms, legs, hands, or anywhere else, using our hands. But this problem results the same scenario as clapping with only one hand; it's virtually impossible and can't be done in an effective manner.
"Yeah... I bet that would look weird too." I could only imagine the stares I would get at school if I somehow tried to maneuver my own tongue onto myself, trying to press my lips against itself. I sure as hell am not going to put my mouth anywhere near a toilet plunger to try and make that work either.
"You plan on sharing any of this?"
It took me a second to realize what she was asking before I could respond. "I mean... I kind of feel compelled to a little, but I think that might just be some human thing. Look. What's important to me is us, not what other people make of us. We have more than just a friendship now; that's something I can be proud of, secret or no secret."
"I really do love you Reed." In the most soothing, romantic voice she could imagine, Lumina put us both into a better mood by expressing herself this way.
"I'll take that to mean that, as of right now, we are officially dating?" Even this moment under the stars is more romantic than I realized earlier. I could consider this moment to be our first date.
"Do you want to make it sound sexy?"
"Whatever works for you, my love." Hearing myself call her that didn't sound too bad. I wanted more fun nicknames to levy her with, but it was hard to come up with one.
"I see you're getting fancy with the names, my love."
"Lumina by itself just sounds too simple now. You could me my girlfriend, my lover, or I could call you baby." Most of the other teenagers do that.
"Don't ever call me baby. It isn't hot."
"Okay then." Guess she hates that one.
"Of course, you know what this means, right? I get to call you all kinds of fun nicknames. How about my poo-bear?"
"Never in a million years."
Lumina laughed out loud to my denial. "Damn. I heard your mother call you that once, but even I'm not allowed to say it!"
"Yeah, I don't let my mom get away with calling me those stupid names, so don't feel too bad." Thanks mom. That's one new embarrassment I have to live down.
"Let's just call each other by our names then? It's more simple... And if we get used to it now, it might mean a lot more later? What do you think, Reed?" Lumina stretched emphasis in my name, trying to sound as flirtatious and naughty as she knew how.
It certainly meant more with her context, but I wasn't sure I was convinced yet. "Works for me, Lumina." I did the same voice she did, and it felt much hotter to use her name that way than ever before.
"Just what are you imagining right now when you call me that?"
"Me, in your world, on your ship, making out with you, holding each other on that bed of yours. I may go even further, but only if you would want that."
"Just give it time Reed. I'm sure we can think of plenty more euphemisms in the next few days."
"Yeah, well, right now I don't have very much."
"You usually don't. I'm kind of surprised. You're pretty naive about sexual terms."
"I'm days away from being fifteen."
"You're a lot smarter than that though. I figured all those websites would have taught you everything, but I was mistaken to think too soon."
"I told you not to bring that up... And I'm not naive. I just want to take things slow and enjoy life." I knew what I was supposed to do to a girl, on the most basic level at least. I didn't go that far with Malica because I was terrified she wouldn't like me to, but I get the sense that Lumina isn't put off by anything, no matter how sexual.
"We'll see. You're still kind of dense though."
"Not after tonight I'm not." All this time, Lumina had one specific advantage in hiding how she felt for me. Emotions transfer through telepathy without a way to block or stop them, but hormonal sensations won't carry through. On top of that, the feeling of love itself is so complex, that the other person must have felt it once before to understand what the collection of sensations means. I'm only learning that now based on how much I love Lumina. I may have missed a few things in the past, but some of my background thoughts are finally returning some curious data to me, in a near perfect memory of mine. "For instance, I know now that those intense emotions you had against Ashly were mostly a deep repressed jealousy that got the better of you." To date, Lumina never explained to me why she flipped out on Ashly, when the idea of telling the secrets to anybody else gave her no such reaction. She was jealous that I was crushing on Ashly in that moment.
"Well you were out of line too! But, you're right. I was jealous about it then... My point is, a lot of other people would have picked up on those details a lot sooner than you did. The fact that you only realize it now still makes you pretty oblivious."
"I'm not oblivious! Come on Lumina! Have some more faith in me than that." But I sounded and felt so flustered by such a comment. It's one thing nobody wants to be called in life.
However, I should have considered that she was only trying to get a rise out of me, because now, she was having a soft laughing fit right in front of me. Humiliation burned into my face as I remembered how playful Lumina gets when she's in a stellar mood.
"Come on! Enough joking around Lumina!" I couldn't even sound angry. The embarrassment was too intense to imagine anything else for the next few seconds.
"Hah! I can make whatever joke I want about you. It's so cute when you freak out about it... But I really do love you Reed. It feels so good that I finally get to say it."
I know it feels good. Our moods are both astronomically better because of it. "Yeah. Sorry it took me so long to feel this way about you."
"There's no reason to apologize for that. You needed time to get to know me fist. I'm actually glad it worked out this way." Through her words, I could hear the strongest smile Lumina's ever shown. "Since you know me mostly already, you won't have any bad surprises to handle."
"I wasn't expecting any... But now you’re the one being naive."
"Me? How?"
She should have known this months ago. Prepared to be enlightened Lumina. "I'm sure there are things I have left to learn about you Lumina. You can pick up on my senses all the time, but as I am the weaker node, I don't usually get the same detail of information from you. For that to happen, the connections have to be really strong, which is somewhat rare out here. I still want to know more about you. I know I've only skimmed the ice so far Lumina, but I want to know what it's like to be you. I won't be able to figure that out quickly... But like I said before, there's nothing I can learn about you that would ever turn me away from you. I don't mind a constant effort of trying to make you feel even better, every single day."
"Why stop there? You've already surprised me once today. I didn't think you had it in you to confess your love to another woman."
Come on Lumina! I'm not that shy boy cliché. I'm much more than that. For you, I'll turn into anything, be as strong as you need me to be. "For you, I would do anything, go anywhere. In fact, I'll even make you a promise. I am serious about this Lumina, serious about the potential of our relationship. I don't ever want this to stop."
"But you don't have to promise anything Reed. I already know how you feel." She sounded so happy knowing as much, the bliss flooding her mental voice.
"Not good enough Lumina. I need you to be more than certain. So, I promise... I promise that I'll never-ever stop loving you. I don't care what happens after tonight. You'll always be right here in my heart. If that means I can never share a kiss with you while I'm on Earth, or if it means I can't do some other fun things part of me has in mind, then so be it; I can live with that. I can still spend time with you in interesting ways. I can bring you into my senses, into my surroundings so that we can spend those moments together. I'll make sure our moments are so strong, both our worlds overlap through our shared effort. I'll never let go of something so special to us. On that, you have my word. I will love you forever Lumina, beyond the end of time itself." I wasn't trying to be so poetic, nor was I trying to reflect on any phrases I've read in the past. All that came from me just now was entirely natural, entirely the way I feel for her. It's a love louder than words, stronger than the boundaries we've defined.
I think that's why, Lumina was speechless for more than seven seconds. I figured I must have surprised her again. Because while she may have known how I felt, I was certain she didn't know why, until I got my chance to share my heart with her this way. "Reed..." Lumina was either about to start crying tears of joy, or she's falling deeper in love with me in this very moment. "I'll always be here for you, okay? It's a promise I'll remember forever. We can start dating right now if you want... It's acutely kind of exciting."
That it is. I know Lumina's never gone out with anybody before. As for me, my experiences with my first crush were substandard. We're both going to be new to this in some ways, but I'm totally excited too. My thoughts are speeding through my mind so quickly, but it feels amazing right now! "Huh. You can literally call us star-crossed lovers in this scenario."
"We're in no scenario Reed. This is real life. This is reality! It's why you've made me the happiest girl tonight. You really love me huh? I'll make sure you know how real my feelings are for you." I sensed that Lumina wanted to say more, but something suddenly distracted her. "Huh? No, this can't be right..."
"What? What is it?" I've only returned to my surroundings now. Luckily, I'm not missed inside the house, but I think I've been outside for well over an hour. I dared not ask what time it was.
"Are you sleepy yet?"
"Not even close. Why?"
"Check the temperature. I think it's going up."
"Bullshit! It's dark outside!" Not to mention I'm outside my house right now. Though like I said before, I almost forgot where I was in the moment. Now that I had time to pay attention to my current environment, I could certainly feel what Lumina was so worried about. Out of nowhere, the cold we had outside earlier has been replaced with this uncomfortable, damp, warming mist. It wasn't warm enough to fry a connection, but it was already getting that close, and high above me, rainclouds were sneaking in from all sides.
"That looks like you have warm front problems to deal with. The connection is getting much weaker already."
I didn't even want to admit it. Lumina just told me we were in reality, and it felt totally amazing, right up until this moment. That warm humidity is part of reality too, though I wanted to deny its existence. Unfortunately, I too was beginning to feel the drain from the connection getting weaker.
"I'm losing visual already Reed. We'll just have to resume this, on the next night that it gets cold. Okay?"
I've never felt so frustrated after feeling so wonderful before. But, it's not all bad. Considering what I just did tonight, things could have gone very differently. "Alright. But I am serious about what I said. I really do love you Lumina. I want to spend even more time with you."
"I know. I love you too Reed."
I knew we were about to hang up soon, our connection doomed by the siege of warm weather, but I still didn't want it to end. "Wish me a good night kiss?"
"I don't blow kisses Reed. That's just weird to me."
"What if we stare into each other's eyes for an hour and recite the phrase 'I love you' over and over again?"
"Now you just sound crazy, in a cute way... Tell you what. You can dream up any scenario of me you like."
"That actually sounds like a good idea, assuming I'll be able to control the contents of my own dream." Not that it matters if I tell Lumina now, but I know I can't control my dreams. Even lucid dreams betray that wish.
"Cool. In that case, good night Reed... I love you!"
For so long, I wondered what it would feel like for a girl to chant me that with so much passion. There's no other phrase like it in the world. "I love you too." The loveliest expression shook away every possible thought that might be distracting. I really wanted to be with her in this moment, staring into her deep blue eyes, even if it made me crazy.
"Good night."
"Good night," I repeated. "We'll see each other again soon, right?"
"Of course we will. Don't worry about a thing. You and I will be inseparable!"
"Good. That's good to hear... Okay Lumina. Go ahead and disconnect us." I could do it too, but I just don't have the heart to break our telepathic link anymore. I want more time with her. I want to spend every waking second of every single day with her, for as long as I can. I've never craved sharing my time with her this much before, but I wasn't willing to give up that feeling.
"You really don't want to cut it off. I can tell." See? We're even reading each other's non-projected thoughts. "Don't worry. We'll speak to each other again soon. So, I'll do the honors. Relax now... Haha! Just wait until all my sisters hear this!"
I didn't think Lumina meant to give me that last detail before she finally shut off the connection, but it gave me one more thing to think about. Lumina is going to be busy telling her family the good news. It will be a joyous night over there for sure.
As for me, I'll have to take myself inside and sleep on it, but I'm so not ready for bed right now. My body may be tired, but my mind is too alert. I just had the best night of my entire life, only for things set to get better soon. Whether I can sleep in the next hour or next five hours, I'll be the happiest person on the planet.
I felt so prepared for anything, invincible from any harm or sadness. And I trust in Lumina's suggestions; that we'll be able to talk to each other again real soon. I feel as if I can take on the whole world, to flourish my confidence to heights I've never seen before. This all told me that everything was going to work out brilliantly.
But no matter what I wanted to think, the truth is, love is the most complex feeling in the world. No matter what we tell ourselves, no person can ever truly be prepared for love and its consequences. The world is not perfect. Life isn't fair to anybody. What saves a person can also destroy them. I didn't learn these lessons in the moment. I had to fall apart first. For what was coming next, nobody could have ever been prepared for it.