Ch: 35 Boarding Party
Gary decided this was a lost cause until the women finished whatever dark ritual they had going on. Instead, he cornered quiet and steady Marc, for a bit of interrogation.
“Marc, how much do you know about chocolate?”
Quite a bit about the complexities of the trade it turned out, but little of the actual substance.
“Only women can stand the bitter taste and gritty foul texture, though why they go mad for it, no man can say.” He complained at the end.
“But it’s not rare, just expensive…” Gary asked, deeply confused.
“The trees they grow on are not uncommon in higher areas of magical influence. The pods, or even small trees can be had for a dear price in most cities, but the processing is a deeply held secret of the Benevolent Society of Patissiers and Chocolatiers.” Marc said. “We haul for them on occasion.”
Gary’s grin widened so slowly it frightened Marc. “Do you have any of the pods or some nibs?” He asked so quietly Marc was unsure he heard.
“Cacao? Yes, we have twenty pounds in the hold. Alchemists buy a bucket of nibs here and there for a good price, we keep some on hand most trips.” Marc mused. “I think Esperanza hopes to stumble on the secret of its process some day and make chocolate for herself.”
“Sold.” Gary said with a mad giggle. “I need two hundred pounds of sugar too if you have it.”
Gary called out to the menfolk. “Boys, project time, the ladies have their hands full, let’s get some stuff done downstairs…”
Most of the men, having been around women on chocolate before, were happy to migrate to a secure location. Once the door was closed they began relaxing on furniture that now scattered the place.
“We are gonna do something crazy, so go with me on this boys, your lives will be immeasurably better.” Gary announced.
“Chocolate.” He said and they all groaned.
“Gary, every wizard, alchemist, cook and baker in civilized lands has been trying to get the secret of chocolate from the sweets guild…” Khan began before grinding to a halt. “Secret? Did your god reveal it?”
“Nope, he doesn’t know or care about that, and he’s no longer Secret anyway, now he’s Knowledge. Though, since I know the secret, I guess he does now too.” Dead silence fell.
“You know the secret of chocolate making? You can produce that stuff?” Liam asked.
“That stuff, no way, that was half made, badly too. Volunteers to fetch the sugar and cacao in through the stable door?” He grinned at a crestfallen Marc. “Sorry, we closed our deal already. You can screw me on the price next time.”
“Never fear, this one will steal the secret from you and make a fortune in the trade… if you truly know. If not, I have made a good trade today.” Marc said with a smile, though he seemed haunted by the missed opportunity.
“Tell you what, do you have any vanilla?” Gary asked. “I need that too. I need it bad, if you were to really put the screws to me…”
In hindsight, that was a miscalculation, Marc almost drew blood with his sharp dealing. It was worth it to avoid busting his shiny new guts hauling sacks of sugar and cacao in from the boat.
While the boys donkied in the supplies, Gary was creating the tools. Shai’s coffee roasting rig was already a known item. He made one almost every week for… roasting coffee.
Making a big one was simplicity in itself. A huge steel drum over a heat source and make it spin slowly with one of his engines.
The milling machines were no more complex, though they were going to take some time. So he kept up a running commentary.
“My mother, she loved chocolate, we lived a short way from a town famous for its chocolate making, so we toured all the workshops and factories, all of them. Every summer.” He grinned his mad smile again. “I knew how to make chocolate before I knew where babies come from.”
“As recently as that?” Liam snarked. A cacao nib bounced off his oh so handsome jawline. “Oww! Dannyl!”
“Thanks Dannyl, so roasting and hulling the nibs is no worse than with coffee. It’s milling it down to a fine powder, that’s the first real stumbling block.” He said, as the first machine flickered into being when they looked at him. “We need a light hammer mill with a vacuum separator, to winnow the hulls from the good stuff.”
“You gotta get it super fine, so a three stage roller mill.” The strange blocky objects with hoppers and bins on top looked innocuous, but Gary seemed unsure.
“Safety first guys, don’t get any body parts or clothes near the machines… better yet. You guys do the lifting, I’ll work the machines.”
It got noisy in the basement.
Gary and Dannyl stayed below, working the machines, while Tallum did the lifting, the other men went back upstairs to maintain the illusion that nothing was afoot.
The strangest machine in the basement was the newest. A huge, conical roller of smooth stone, slowly orbited, inside a matching stone bowl, pressing down with a terrible weight. It slowly revolved, silently grinding the contents in an endless circle. A small heat source warmed the stone bowl to just over body temperature, melting the substance gently. The dusty red brown grit they put in the bowl slowly turned into a sleek, dark pool of undulating goo.
On a signal from Gary they began sifting sugar into the mixer, slowly incorporating it. “Let that ride boys. Come morning we will really have something. Anybody want a taste?” There were no takers.
“This stuff smells great, but it always tastes like ass. No thanks Gary, I’ll let the ladies try it first.” Khan said, the others followed his lead.
“I get it, that stuff was gross, keep an open mind in the morning though. Everybody, bathe before you let the girls near you, they’ll smell it. Nobody opens the workshop door til morning. Ok?”
That night, in bed he must have missed a fleck of cacao. In her sleep, Shai kept sniffing behind his ear in a very distracting way, even with a wad of duskmoon pollen in her at bedtime.
#
Mom was not a homemaker before she settled down, or so he gathered. She learned to cook and loved it, but she learned by watching cooking shows, usually with toddler Gary in the room, until he went off to school.
Watching home videos of your own vaguely remembered childhood in first person is super weird. Watching cooking shows in your own memories, so that your weird outworlder gift can congeal the information into actual abilities… that is super janky and stressful. He had a nice chat and cuddle with Thirp in the process though.
“So a new female was attempting to inveigle her way into your pair bond? That would be stressful, that might not be healthy for you at the moment, Gary.” Thirp sang softly. “Given that the current state of your body, mind and soul are less than ideal, careful and considered actions would be best.”
Thirp’s advice mirrored his own thoughts. Fantasies are fine, but a home needed walls, if the roof was to stay up.
With a blazing headache and bleary eyes, he stumbled upstairs in his dreams to get some actual sleep.
#
He slipped away to the kitchen an hour before dawn and got down to it. Skimming some rich, thick cream from the jugs of milk Esperanza brought in the day before was simple.
Whisking vanilla and more sugar together in a thick copper kettle over a pot of simmering water, that was easy too.
Slowly, he poured the still warm chocolate from the mill below, onto a vast slab of conjured marble. He had seen it done a hundred times, had it explained in detail by experts and watched Julia childs’ episodes on the topic. He felt as prepared as a novice could be, flying solo for the first time. The rest was up to magical fuckery.
With a pair of summoned spatulas, he began slowly spreading, cooling, stretching and smoothing the semi liquid mass until it gleamed like polished glass. It was not unlike polishing armor, or sanding an instrument smooth. Just time, patience and confidence went a long way.
When Shai and Becky came downstairs, they started sniffing before they were fully awake. “I do know that smell, t’was in a dream… why do I think o chilis?”
When she spotted the three tiered fountain of dark brown liquid, it came rushing back, Gary’s dream and the divine smelling brown chili liquid.
This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.
This time there were no chilis on a tray, but spears of fruit and cubes of toast on neat skewers. Trays of small lumpy brown objects were nearby, as were a number of shiny, dark brown slabs on a platter.
“What be all this boy? I do recognize that thing, I am nae happy tae see it.” She said, pointing to the fountain.
“Try it, it'll blow you away.” He said, unironically.
“Fie, as ye say boy.’” She took a skewer of grenadier pear and tentatively dipped it in the fountain. The first taste left her gasping and moaning, gripping the table to stay upright.
“We have this where I come from, it’s good… but magic chocolate is just cheating.” He shrugged. “Whatever it does, it still only works on the ladies.”
Becky had one of his lumpy cacao dusted truffles held up for examination. “They don’t look great, but I got the recipe right, my hands are a little too warm for making those, I need practice.” He popped one in his mouth and smiled a brown grin. “Is good though.” He nommed.
With a shrug, Becky tried one and sat down on the floor. “You ok Becks?” He asked, she just smiled and sat there for a while.
Ivy and Luna joined her on the floor shortly, the three sitting back to back to back and licking their teeth with sublime smiles.
Tawny emerged, saw the state of Ivy, Becky, Shai and Luna, before glaring at Gary for some reason.
“It’s just chocolate.” He grumbled, looking a little hurt.
Tawny stared at the table in confusion. “I smell it, but where is it?” She asked, sounding just a little too eager. “What’s this?” She asked picking up one of the small glossy slabs.
“Try it girl, you’ve never had it so good.” Luna mumbled from her seat on the floor.
“Luna, you too?” Disappointment seethed in her eyes as she took in the scene. “Gary should be in bed, not doing… whatever this is.”
“It’s just chocolate girl, just the best chocolate, be careful.” The one eyed warrior said, slowly licking her fingers.
Tawny placed it on her tongue and immediately smiled widely. Meanwhile, Gary’s guitar came smoothly in, strumming an upbeat tune.
Love is like candy on a shelf
You want to taste and help yourself!
The sweetest things are there for you
Help yourself take a few…
“No Gary it’s too early…” Tawny tried to protest, he just kept going. Tallum was there too, grinning foolishly at Ivy and playing along with Shai’s pet idiot.
Esperanza and her crew came out yawning and smiling at the aroma drifting through the common room. “Smells good.” Dante said, that was almost exuberant from him.
“You had some excellent cacao and sugar aboard, the rest is just working the stuff, a lot like smithing… that is an idea…” Gary said, until he trailed off in his thoughts for a while, still playing his guitar.
Dannyl was the first of the men to try the fountain, the others followed shortly, when he moaned with pleasure.
Esperanza bustled over and began to sample the offerings. “Gods and spirits!” She whispered softly with a smile of bliss. “We have a new trade on Esperanza boys, and we shall see all the sights of the world on its strength.”
The three boatmen became much more animated, chattering among themselves and sampling.
“Still just slightly gritty…” Dante muttered to Yuzef.
“Bitterness is nicely controlled though.”
“Almost fruity, be good with coffee.. Or wine.”
Esperanza joined their huddle and Gary overheard snatches of ‘market penetration’ and ‘brand management’ through the music and bustle.
“Orphans, before the forces of commerce descend on us let’s get it straight. Do you guys think our orphanage could make a craft hall? To make sweets?” Gary asked, giving Ivy and Becky fits.
“Are you mad? How does that even…” Ivy began, before stalling out. Becky just sputtered something incomprehensible.
“Think about it, we have other fish to fry, the whole not being sold into slavery for half a decade thing. Remember that?” Gary asked impatiently. “When we get home, we set up a business, build the equipment and start production. By summer, the last refuge of Joy is making waves. While we keep on towards our goals.”
“So it would be the kids working the machines?” Becky asked. “Yeah, we have small hands, good for working with…”
Gary reached out and snatched her into his arms, finally silencing his guitar. Holding her close he whispered; “I love you Becky, but this is not the Willy Wonka and Oliver Twist crossover you are looking for. Don’t ever suggest that again.”
Still holding Becky close, despite her struggles, Gary went on. “Right now we are at least a little in control of our fates. This time next year? Maybe not so much.”
They all nodded grimly.
“The first step to making someone your victim is making them invisible, put a label on and set them aside as different. Well now maybe we decide on a label.” His grin was wide and stained with brown. “Let's leave off for now, we can undermine the structure of systemic oppression later.”
“Ok, that’s full Gary, we can get moving again, Shai.” Tawny said to her friend on the floor. “As soon as you can get up.”
“Oh, ah kin git up, I just dinnae wanna, right now.”
Gary and Becky rejoined the pile on the floor with a small plate of his misshapen truffles. “Yer mother was a wise woman Gary my love, we shall all remember her fondly.” Shai said, almost reverently.
Becky swatted at him in feigned outrage when he turned her loose, a truffle settled her down.
Cushions and pillows began appearing, like mushrooms after an autumn rain. No one was really interested in any ‘going’ or ‘doing’ for a while.
#
“That is pharmaceutical grade Gary, I’m not sure it’s safe for this stuff to hit the streets.” Tawny said, from her golden pillow fort. She ducked back down, after hurling a golden brocade cushion over Esperanza’s blue and gold ramparts.
Becky took the opportunity to blast her in the side of the golden head with a plush lilac llama. Once she was safely back behind her violet fortress walls she sang out loud. “It’s out in the world now. Can’t undo it, I won’t let him.”
While she spoke, a colossal green pillow came sailing through the still garden air. It flumphed down onto the lilac and lavender keep, smashing it to scattered plushies and blankets. “Tis my boy, I shall not let him undo this working Becky.”
While Shai was enforcing her territorial rights, the blue and gold fortress was slowly disassembling itself from within, migrating and reassembling itself over the top of Shai’s verdant green fastness.
“Come boys! This is a boarding action, push the cushions! Go! With guts you bilge rats!” Esperanza’s crew made short work of the Gary and Shai alliance, claiming their pillows and their services.
The battle of the chocolate fountain wound down quickly after that. Historians recall the only casualties were a very nice blouse of golden silk and Liam’s restful sleep that night.
That deluge of sweet warm liquid dripping down Tawny’s front kept intruding on his dreams, as did her smile of absolute pleasure, despite spilling all over herself… and the way she kept looking at him while licking her fingers. A restless night indeed.
Khan and Luna sat nearby, watching in wonder and bemusement. “This is what you meant? It is entertaining…”
Luna trailed off, watching them dust themselves off and begin tidying up, as though everything were ordinary about what just happened.
“His madness is just a little infectious… none can bathe in his pool without carrying something of him away, I think. Annie says I smell a little like him now, so do you.” Khan whispered softly. “He changes how we see things, not the nature of things. Let’s dance to his tune a while. Unless you have more entertaining plans?”
“The accommodations are excellent...” Luna grudgingly admitted with a smile. “You have chocolate in your mustache… no, leave it… that’s mine.” She said while leaping on him.
#
The troupe got underway just after third bell, taking to the road and water on a wet and cold late morning. They left a basket with Sonja with their thanks as they passed through the village.
She stood outside her grandson’s small forge, waving with the basket on her arm, watching the party ride away.
‘I should have the knitting circle by for tea, then see what the youngsters have left me…’ She thought to herself, setting the volatile package down in her kitchen.
#
“I kinda feel bad leaving her those without any warning…” Becky mused.
“I didn’t get any warning before she came in off the top rope…” Gary grumbled happily. “She can suffer the delicious consequences.”
Gary rode in the dog cart still, but now nearly sitting up and only mostly wrapped in blankets. He marveled at the dark gray and nearly still sea and the tall pines where the rocky hills began.
Snow clung in patches under the trees still, but a heavy, cold mist had begun to settle as the sun sank low. Not rain, somehow it was wetter than actual rain, seeming to drench them from the inside out.
They could have pushed on to the city, but Shai quietly asked to camp a mile away. “Tis his first sight of a new town, an he be fully awake and fit. Let us bide til morning.”
No one seemed eager to ride farther and search for accommodations in town, certainly not Annie and Tallum.
“Mind the heels Tallum.” Becky called from the back of Zeb, the taciturn warhorse. “Annie knows what she’s doing.”
“I feel like I’m falling off.” He complained.
“Annie says, ‘if you keep digging in your heels you will be falling off.’ So, there’s that.” Becky said mildly. “None of the others can carry you, on account of how you thrash around too much.”
Tallum and Annie argued like an old married couple, through Becky and Luna, but only Tallum was allowed to handle Annie’s hooves now. She would fuss and chuff until he at least came over to supervise the process.
Before dinner, with the lights of Port Ellis visible on the near horizon, Shai caught Becky in the stable, near Annie’s stall and put her to the question.
“I be a better ferrier than Tallum, whae does Annie nae let me tend her hooves? She does dote on thee and Gary, while Tallum, she scolds endlessly, do she nae like me?”
Becky just looked a little sad. “That’s exactly it Shai, why are you asking me, she’s right there. Stop acting like you don’t understand her and Otho when they talk. You don’t treat Falco that way.” Becky scolded gently.
Shai took a moment for stunned contemplation, reflecting on the last few weeks.
Shai clasped Becky and squeezed her near onto death before rushing over and squeezing Annies mighty neck.
“I do be sorry Annie, I shall get thee one of Gary’s fancy pears!”
#
Annie stamped and nuzzled graciously, she was a lady of refinement after all. The rest of her small herd whickered their approval of her good graces and forgiving nature.
She always shared those delightful pears as well, while making polite excuses about ‘watching her figure’ and they would be ‘helping so much’ by sharing, princess of the ponies indeed.
#
As his crazy family settled into his ever growing home, Gary grabbed Khan and pulled him aside. “Can we expect trouble with nobles in this town too? I had to give that nosey Brennan shithead, a blast of stink ring to get him away from me in Port Fallon”
“Stink ring? Is that what you used? Annie smelled a trapdoor in the middle of town, but only for a moment. Is that what kept the dock ward from stinking in Port Fallon?” He chuckled wryly. “Your crew is cagey, I asked about that while you were out of it. They dodged my questions admirably.”
He thought quietly for a while. “Since those rings are yours, and the nature of your gift has been noticed, you should attract quite a bit of attention, for good and ill.” He twisted his mustache ends thoughtfully and continued.
“I would tell you to try and keep a low profile… Just don’t bandy about the house or the rings. Leave everyone guessing and making up their own answers. It will at least be entertaining that way. Try and make your own impression first.”
He grinned like a little boy up to mischief. “Like you said, perhaps we should start deciding our own labels.”
With an exaggerated gasp, Gary moaned. “Oh! I am but a lost little lamb, if mean old Khan wants to lead me into shenanigans, that is just awful.”
He leaned over to look up at his woman and cried out piteously. “Khan is suggesting that I make a fool of myself. Does that sound like something I might be good at?”
She leaned down and ruffled his hair fondly. “Gary me love, ye do be more than just some japing, jesting fool. Ye nae be only a wandering spirit o nonsense and whimsey unleashed on poor humanity by an uncaring void. Ye do be so much more than just that… what else ye be escapes me, but I shall remember anon.”
“That is a yes to foolish displays, Khan. Any suggestions?” Gary asked, all wide eyed innocence.
“We shall discuss the matter as a group.” Khan said evenly.
“And then he will do something unpredictable.” Tawny finished for him. “Plan and plan all you wish master Khan, but chaos is Gary’s shadow, it dogs his every step.”
Just after sundown a small cargo hauler tied up to the dock beside Esperanza. The crew of the Sandpiper were a little confused by the new inn, with a private dock so near town. The beer was good and the waitresses were charming, what other roadside inn had a four piece band? They ate, drank and planned to sing lusty sailors songs, til they could barely stagger off to their own bunks aboard Sandpiper.
Merchant Yost Preven’s wagon threw a wheel an hour out of Port Ellis, leaving him stranded on the road in the rain. Leaving town at sixth bell, he planned on camping in the pines and being in Tingly village to trade, by first bell in the morning.
That was not happening, wonder of wonders his wagon lurched into a roadside ditch just within sight of an inn. He finished cursing his foul luck and foul weather while checking over Miram. She was cross too, but snuffled his ear happily when he unhitched her.
The rowdy good cheer he heard coming from inside made sleeping under a tarp by the roadside unattractive. Miriam would not hush up about a warm, dry stable, so that was that. Though he did not remember there being an inn of this sort anywhere around, certainly not on the coast road, that was odd indeed.
A cheerful girl with smiling eyes and bright colored clay beads in her hair met them at the gate, sweeping Miriam’s reins from his hands and pushing him to the door with wordless enthusiasm.
With his familiar settled in a comfortable stall and warm slippers on his feet, he told the smiling hostess his tale of an aborted trade journey and bemoaned having to ride back to the city for help.
Her smile was lovely, though perhaps a bit predatory.