Ch: 111 Anything Goes
Julius thought he heard the faint echo of girlish laughter, vanishing down the servants hallway behind the hidden door. His chambers as always, smelt of fresh linen, clean laundry and the pleasant sachets of herbs concealed among his things.
Finally alone, he shivered with naughty delight as he disrobed himself. The breach of protocol would no doubt give Phillip fits later. He let slip a hint of a rebellious smile as he donned his dressing gown of heavily starched cotton. The young lord luxuriated in the hardly itchy and only slightly heavy garment.
“Your Grace…. Dressing oneself is not a suitable occupation for a ruler.” Phillip’s voice dripped with disappointment and a hint of betrayal.
“I… uhh… had too…” Julius stammered and muttered.
“Excuses ill fit your grace’s form, as poorly as a dressing gown in the late morning hours. We have appointments scheduled, your grace.” He clapped twice and three valets and a groom appeared, bearing ducal formal attire. “Duty can be as heavy as a mountain, your grace.”
#
Khan dragged Gary to the grotto, rather he had Annie do it, she passed the job to Otho, who bit his collar and gamely tugged until the man tumbled into the watery nest of plant life.
“Were those real clothes he was wearing?” Luna asked as his garments disintegrated rapidly. “Gods, the things I find myself saying in this house…” She muttered.
“Here’s another one love… has anyone seen his shadow wandering around?” Khan asked, bemused and a little concerned. “It seems to have scarpered.”
#
When Dannyl started cracking the whip, Gary just turned his gifts over to the young artist and let his mind drift. At some point he slipped into a dreamlike state of blissful imagination. Lost in rhythm and dance he began lucid dreaming himself on a fanciful adventure through an imaginary town.
Gary dream cavorted his way through the market gate and through the wards. He imagined strolling, playing his guitar and singing bawdy songs at full volume in whatever language rhymed best. Confused and distressed dream people fled or stared in confusion as he passed.
In the fancy quarter he ambled down a tree lined lane, and climbed a dream wall to look into the imagined gardens of pleasure beyond.
Tiny islands and waterways made a miniature delta all their own in the walled compound. Bridges, catwalks, steppingstones, artfully felled logs and even elaborate beaverdams all crisscrossed from one island to the next.
He skipped across a rope bridge of plaited reeds onto a floating hummock with a huge bed of climbing orchids, enjoying the mad fantasy his mind was creating.
He burst into a wild rendition of a swinging hit from long ago… that frightened the living daylights out of a poor old gardener working on a hedge nearby.
In olden days, a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking,
But now, Gods know, anything goes!
The old man fled screaming, while an alarm bell began to sound. This dream was getting weird.
Noise and shouts said the guards were coming fast, closing in rapidly. He started spanking his strings more vigorously, picking up the song and riding it with maximum vamp, camp and Ethel Merman.
If fast horses you like,
If low bars you like,
If old hymns you like,
He rode the hip swaying, swinging beat into a loping run, dashing around and over obstacles in silence, save for the music.
#
Julius heard the strangest sound, it seemed like music, but very odd. The dignified clamor of his concealed bodyguards unconcealing themselves said this was not a drill.
“Unknown intruder your grace, in the west garden and heading this way quickly. The guards are unable to capture or stop it.” While Alex was speaking, the most unlikely and extraordinary apparition leapt over the hedge and scampered across the lawn.
It spotted them, watching from the balcony. It locked eyes with a figure resplendent in robes of blue and silver, rich with gleaming embroidery. The strange being gave a cheeky and challenging snort. Guards, in light armor, fingered their weapons and stepped to the fore standing between the short dark haired man in blue finery and the creature down on the lawn.
The shadowy specter danced across the greensward, playing a terribly loud instrument in wild and unrestrained joy. The ducal guards in pursuit bashed through his delicate topiaries and churned the flowerbeds to mulch with their armored boots.
The figure paused only a moment, turning to face away from both duke and pursuers. It stuck its backside out rudely, waggling it side to side, while strumming and singing even more wildly.
If bare limbs you like,
If Mae West you like,
Or me undressed you like…
Why, nobody will oppose!
When every night the set that's smart
Is intruding at nudist parties in studios
Anything goes!
“...has anybody seen his shadow wandering around?” Khan’s voice was distant, but not faint, weirdly so, it cut through the music... Gary looked down at his shadowy, misty body, holding a very real and familiar stratoblaster.
“Oops.” He muttered, as he started running for home.
The bizarre spirit stopped its dance suddenly, muttered something softly and fled with astounding haste, through the garden and over the far wall in deathly silence, save for its departing call.
“Sorry! I thought I was dreamiiiiiiinggg!”
Phillip began curtly ordering the guards in a pursuit and search, snapping his commands briskly to the much put upon guards.
Julius turned back to his exhausted and travel worn lunch guest. “My apologies knight Belen, my guards will no doubt destroy that entity shortly, please don’t concern yourself…”
Rolf Belen just shook his head sadly. “No your grace, they won’t. My sister’s friends are surprising in so many infuriating ways. Please recall your warriors, he is harmless… or rather, he means no harm and understands little of the world.”
“You are familiar with this entity?” Julius asked, intrigued. “Is it some exotic familiar or summon?” His guards relaxed after a gesture from the young lord, one vanished to call off the chase at a slightly raised eyebrow.
“No your grace, it is, or rather he is an orphan of Wheatford, simply moon touched.” Rolf said quietly. “He is a friend of mine, a tragic case, quite harmlessly mad.”
Julius turned to Phillip, standing nearby, fuming on the balcony, looking to where the entity fled and standing so rigid in his resplendent robes of office he seemed a colorful statue.
“Please call off the guards. Rolf says his friend meant no harm.” The young lord asked softly.
“Trespass on palace grounds is a crime your grace… a serious crime.” His senechal said in respectful, but rigid tones.
“Nevertheless, I wish the matter dropped. Please make it so Phillip.” Just a hint of ‘duke’ crept into the young man’s voice… and then it was gone. Moments later the blue robed official was also gone, off to calm the palace staff and direct the gardeners with an iron fist.
#
The duke smiled happily at his guest, while fidgeting in his robes of deepest gray and red. “You associate with madmen and orphans? Does your family not object?”
“Your grace… my entire team is comprised of indentured orphans, as my father was in his youth. They are my brothers in arms.” He answered gently. “We have not met informally before. Perhaps you should visit me in my lodgings and meet the others.”
The young lord seemed puzzled by the suggestion. “You are staying in the guest wing, are you not? I’m sure Phillip can find some barracks space for your troops.”
“My orders, your grace, are to remain with the Wheatford contingent, Ginger Dreadnought. They are… encamped, in the outskirts of the gate market.”
“That’s twice today I’ve heard of this ‘gate market’ thing… what is that?” The duke asked.
“It’s the informal market for common trade and farmstands outside the town’s low gate… Most towns and even some walled villages have one. Surely you have visited yours.”
Julius considered the mad request; Rolf was well known and respected, despite being a year and a half younger than himself. “You mean…” He peered around carefully. “Sneak out?” He whispered. “I couldn’t…”
“I mean we just go out… is that not done here? You could put on a penitent’s veil. That is how my family solves these issues. Change into some common clothes and we’ll go visiting. Your gardeners would like to get to work and seem to be waiting for us to be elsewhere.”
The duke excused himself and slipped behind a screen to change into common clothing. “Do you do this frequently? Sneak out under a veil to mingle with peasants, I mean.” He asked while he struggled to dress himself. “I find the idea shockingly titillating!”
He emerged in a richly embellished robe of silvery white silk banded with geometric designs in thread of gold. “I have never done this before… it feels like a fancy dress ball!”
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
“Hmm, very good your grace… if I might assist you…” Rolf dug about in the duke’s wardrobe for a moment, before surrendering. “This is going to require a little skullduggery, your grace.” Rolf excused himself into a corner of the room to begin his storage ritual.
He unfolded a small sheet of parchment with a complex inscription in dark brown ink scrawled over the surface. The young knight pricked his thumb with the nib of a pen and finished a few quick strokes in his own blood.
The parchment slowly became a dark swirling abyss in the table top, tenebrous and ominous. Rolf reached in and pulled out a dark red robe and some sandals, the kind worn by War cultists of common rank. He wadded up the now inert page and tossed it in the fireplace to be consumed.
“Ritual magic? Fascinating… I have always been in awe of the art.” Julius bubbled happily, while Rolf helped him into the simple hooded robe. “Where are the ties and ligatures in this garment?” The young duke asked while drawing a fresh set of elaborately knotted, heraldic panties from a drawer.
“There are none, your grace… what are you doing?” The smaller man reached out and stopped the duke by simply seizing his forearm. “Don’t you dare put on those damnable briefs!” Rolf snatched the knotted, embroidered and gem encrusted undies from the lord’s hands.
“You actually wear those? Gods and spirits, I’d rather knot a hemp rope around my own bits and cinch it tight.” The ceremonial panties landed back in the drawer with an audible thunk.
“Yes, I always feel weird about that part, I suppose my valets must as well… but I must wear my briefs of office.” Rolf’s only reply was to snort in an undignified manner.
“Certainly I cannot wander around with no…” Rolf’s smile was mild and pleasant as he nodded. “You mean… no… without… just hanging out there?”
The lord stammered while his new friend smiled wider at his crimson blush. Red swept over the duke like he had been dropped in scalding water, from his collar to his long light brown hair.
“My father suggests that the ritual underthings are a cruel joke by some tailor of old, that has become a tradition. I fail to see the humor in it.” Rolf thought for a moment, before smiling happily.
“I think I know someone who can explain it though, let’s go ask. Raise your hood and veil, do not speak until we are in the town… Julius.”
“You said my name… no one ever says my name…” He whispered guiltily. “One of the maids called me ‘lord Julius’ once, two years ago… I haven't seen her since…”
Rolf clapped the now anonymous War cultist on the shoulder with comradely familiarity. “Come on Brother Jules, we have errands to run and places to go.”
Just like that, the two young men strolled out of the duke’s quarters and past an army of bustling servants. Rolf waved and glad handed his way through the palace and its grounds with an open and guileless smile.
“His grace was distressed by the creature in the garden and will be resting, please see he is undisturbed.” Rolf told Phillip, while the tall War cultist shifted awkwardly at his shoulder. “I can be contacted at the temple at need, my team will be at his grace’s service for a few days at least.”
“Very well knight Belen. Until we meet again.” Phillip bustled away on his unknowable business, leaving the young duke unsupervised for the first time in his young life.
“It’s that easy?” He whispered in wonder, as they walked through the palace gate.
“Julius… you really never went out in disguise?” Rolf asked quietly, while the lord devoured everything with his eyes. The hood shook in silent and distracted denial.
“Oh, sweet spirits above you are in for a treat. Have you met with my sister, Tawny and her friends yet?” He asked, nearly vibrating with joy. Once more the hood shook in the negative.
“Can I keep these sandals? I’ve never worn shoes this… comfortable before.” He asked shyly as they walked.
“I think that I can spare a robe and sandals for a good cause.” The stocky young knight said happily. “I carry a few spares for my team, Just in case, that’s why your robe fits…” He sighed dramatically. “Tall folk…”
#
Shai found herself busy with trade and barter for a good slice of the morning. Gary’s silly long pipes and Liam’s herb blends were popular in town. Her stores of wheat were in demand, especially the fine white flour Gary’s mill produced.
Josephine, the neighborhood baker, bought so much she had to go downstairs and sew up more flour sacks. Her box of bits and small coins was pretty heavy by the time the noonday bell rang.
The constant flow of customers to Esperanza and the shop brought Abel out with his market stand… soon a few more popped up. Before long a tiny farmer’s market was doing a brisk business.
“Shai… there is a little problem with your boy. Have you seen his shadow around?” Luna asked quietly, between customers.
“Fie! Me apologies neighbors, I must away. We will be trading again soon.” She bustled off, leaving a puzzled crowd on the sales floor. “Sister Esperanza I leave this in yer hands please.”
The buxom merchant clapped her hands with glee. “This one will look after your affairs sister, as though they were my own.”
Gary, Dannyl and all three little ones were bobbing in the water weeds in the grotto, looking sleepy, except the musician; he looked unconscious.
“Sorry Shai, his gifts swept us up and we lost track.” Her little brother said, sadly. “I’m sure he will be back soon.”
“I’m back now.” Gary said, from the doorway as he slipped into the pool, holding his precious guitar above the water. The shady, ephemeral form waded over, tucked the instrument into his own Pockets! and vanished. His body shuddered and sat up a moment later.
“I kinda had a dream, I might have sung some rude songs at some rich guy and waved my ass at him. Maybe it was the duke… sorry gang.”
“Excuse me, did you say you might have waved your behind at the duke…?” Khan asked, with a harried look on his face.
“...Maybe… It's all confusing and complicated. Maybe I was dreaming after all. Is the duke a good looking, short dark haired guy with bodyguards and a palace on the edge of town?” Khan gave him a flat and level glare in reply. “Ok... That was probably the duke…”
A few minutes later, when they were dressing the kids, Liam came in to give his interpretation of a harried look.
“We just got back from visiting a local midwife’s garden… why are the ducal guards asking questions about a ‘mad musical ghost’ in the market?” He asked the room in general… but everybody looked at Gary for some reason.
#
Six warriors in the red robes of War cult knights joined the duke and Rolf, as they exited the palace grounds.
“This is Julius… He will be joining us for the day. These are my comrades…” A dizzying round of very informal introductions left the duke feeling lost and delightfully wicked.
“Please, forgive me if I get anyone’s name wrong… this is all terribly exciting!” He fidgeted and shifted in his robes as though they were unfamiliar and embarrassing, especially downstairs.
“Come along brother Jules.” Jack said, giving a comradely swat on the shoulder to the new guy. “We stabled the horses outside the uptown gate.” He shrugged at Rolf. “Whatever, they have stables at the inn I guess.”
“Lubu, the guard at the Adventure compound gate says they are down past the docks. I’ll go get the horses… meet you there before sixth bell.” William nodded a greeting and trotted off.
The stroll through town and out the low gate was a constant deluge of new things. The uptown district was quiet and dignified, but once past the gate into the market ward the bustle became a dizzying experience.
Shopkeepers and hawkers calling their wares, awnings snapping in the breeze above strolling folks with shopping baskets in their arms, they thronged the wide, smooth pavement.
Children scampered through the streets, chasing a boy on a wheeled board. The green capped rascal threw brightly wrapped treats to the crowd, while laughing. One slapped into the duke’s robes as he walked, leaving him flabbergasted.
“I have been struck! What is this?” His companions only smiled as Jack picked up the colorful paper packet and handed it to him. While apprentices were singing their master’s wares, among the haggling shoppers and animal drawn carts, he unwrapped the small projectile.
“Chocolate? Really, how odd… wait, was that one of the ‘candy pirates’ I have heard rumors of?” He idly popped it into his mouth. “I never really saw the attraction for chocola-…” He murmured, until he went weak in the knees for a moment.
“Good, isn’t it?” Susan asked. As she steadied him with a gentle hand. She flashed him a brown streaked smile and stuffed an empty wrapper into her own pocket.
Commoners were everywhere outside the gate, it was really quite appalling. They milled about, loafed, walked, talked and some were even actively working. He paused at a shop window to watch a slim woman deftly wrestle a large mass of sticky white stuff on her work table.
“What is that?” He asked, sniffing the air eagerly.
“Bread, chum… this is a bakery.” She said curtly, while continuing to pummel her sticky foe.
“Really… why are you mauling it so? It seems unsanitary.” He replied happily, leaning on the windowsill.
“Look here bub!” She snapped, raising one dough coated fist threateningly.
“Forgiveness, please mistress… He just tasted the chocolate for the first time.” Susan pulled him away by his sash.
“Mind your manners Jules, getting slapped by a baker is a learning experience best avoided. Your face would fare worse than that dough… You have fine, high, cheekbones. It would be a shame to see them pulverized.”
She dragged him along, catching back up to the others quickly. “Found your stray, Rolf. Should I clip a leash on him? He was about to get his face rolled flat like a pastry crust.”
“He’s new… watch out for him, especially around the madman. I’d consider it a personal favor.” Rolf whispered as they left the bustle and hustle behind.
Out in the fringes of town, small holdings with pastures and fields behind small cottages dominated. By the waterside they stopped at a hedge lined meadow, marked with two tall poles strung with a rope with colorful rags knotted on its length.
Rolf pulled the duke aside and spoke softly and earnestly. “This is going to be very strange for you Julius, please make an effort to surrender all your preconceptions and accept what you are about to experience.”
“I have ridden on monster hunts and crossed the length and breadth of my domain a dozen times over, I am no simpleton.” He huffed, mildly annoyed by the younger man.
“You would be well advised to heed my brother’s warning, Julius.” Tawny said with a warm smile and hug of greeting. The quick, casual embrace shocked the young lord’s senses, leaving him dazed.
“Lad… Trelaw… Tawny…” He stammered. “I had no idea… you should have been ushered directly to your chambers and made comfortable… Oh, Phillip will throw an absolute tantrum…”
The beautiful, golden girl in common bodice and skirts tucked her arm through his and led the duke under the fluttering, makeshift bunting, into a tiny market fair.
“Here, I am simply Tawny, Adventurer and acolyte of Healer’s temple. Welcome to our home, wherever we roam…” She giggled. “Forgive us please, there was a special event last night and we are all still a bit giddy.”
Caught off guard by casual intimacy, with a beautiful woman and cheerful greetings all around, Julius Rummel surrendered to the intoxicating vibe.
“Shai, come meet Julius, Rolf’s guest, my brother and his band are here!”
At some point a tall, red haired tempest swept him away like a cherry blossom in the wind.
#
Julius was lounging on the most remarkably comfy sofa, clad in a War cult robe of common wool, it felt almost like being naked. His sandals were in a cubby by the door, replaced by slippers in the form of elegant swans, sculpted in white groundworm fur with wallowbear leather soles.
The ducal feet were unsure what was going on in there, but he knew they were unlike any slippers he had ever worn.
A steaming mug of coffee with ‘cocoa’ that the beautiful young blonde cook sent over to him with a plate of small cakes soothed him almost as thoroughly as the amazing slippers. So far his first commoner’s inn experience was a dreamlike world of new experiences, colors and aromas.
The tall red haired woman made him so comfy, he wondered whether he was being made the butt of some elaborate joke.
When a beautiful, slim girl with her hair in a gleaming black beaded plait took him by the hand and twirled him around the dance floor, he nearly wept. “Another! Another dance!”
Journeyman Shai, who the others called his ‘horstess’ for some reason, took his outflung hand and nearly killed him. She dragged, twirled and flung the tall sandy haired lord around the dance floor as though he were a child.
An hour later, the exhausted young man was once more clean, having been led, sweaty and bedraggled to the public bath by the dancing innkeeper.
“My friend has no change of clothing Shai, be a dear and help him with some of Gary’s things please.” Tawny asked with a sly and cunning smile.
The smiling red haired innkeeper continued making her guest comfortable in the most bizarre and confusing ways. She laid an outfit of simple commoner’s clothes out on a bench in the changing room. When he fumbled in uncertainty at the strange clothes she simply took charge.
Her brisk and gentle hands had him tucked into underwear that failed to chafe or grind his tenders, in a twinkle. The pants that rode on his hips almost weightlessly and a simple shirt, wrapped around and tied to themselves, with cords and buttons.
The muscular and kindly girl helped him arrange himself, while he marveled at the innovative and unusual clothing. Rather than tying to a braided loop of armpit hair or a genital ligature as was traditional, these clothes simply held onto his body by design.
“Ye be of a size wi me boy, he will nae mind ye hae some of his things.” She said, adjusting his shirt with a few brisk tugs. “Fie, hae ye never dressed yerself before? Ye hae yer pants on backwards!” Being alone with, let alone bathing with and being dressed by strangers was so novel, the young lord felt lost.
“Me sons dress themselves better than ye do man!” She chided happily. Her winsome and joyous smile drew all the sting from her words.
“You have children, Journeyman Shai?” He asked in surprise.
“Aye, three, a daughter an two boys, Amy an the boys, Wilford an Rio.” She sighed happily. “They will wake frae naptime soon, ye will meet the then.” She tugged his sash twice and seemed satisfied. “There ye be, let us go find yer companions.”
#
Gary strolled back under the rag rope bunting, into the warm embrace of home. He swept Becky up in a huge hug. “The guards said the whole thing got called off, no warrant for my arrest or execution today. I’ll try harder tomorrow… Where’s Shai and the kids?”
“Maise and Frankie are napping in the big bed upstairs, our kids are with them.” They strolled through the market bustle and into the common room, right into the midst of Rolf and his band. “Shai is tending some guests, friends of Tawny.”
An icy draft blew through the house; harsh, but short lived, when he saw the small group of familiar red robed figures at a table by the bar.
“Woah there Gary…” Becky snapped, when his short spear appeared in his hand. “Look, they are in robes… no weapons, put that damn thing away!” She stood in front of him with her arms outstretched until he relented.
When the spear was gone she gave him a poke in the belly with her pointer finger. “Slowly walk over there. Now.”
Gary stuffed his feral glare behind a mask of slit eyed suspicion but he complied. Over by the bar, in a quiet corner sat the party in question. “Rolf… Hiya.” He greeted the younger man in an almost friendly manner. “I haven’t seen your… friends, since my oldest son’s birthday… What brings you to my door?”
“My orders are to liaise with Khan and Liam, you are rather farther down the chain of command. Sergeant Becky will pass on your instructions.” He snapped crisply.
“Rolf!” Becky snapped, startling the young lord. “Sorry, sorry… Yes, these are my companions, Adam, Susan, Jack, Jubal, Hadith and well, William is getting the horses.”
“So you are heading out.. So sorry to see you go…” He said unconvincingly.
“We are moving in actually, per my confidential orders.” The Order knight almost didn’t sound smug.
“By all means… let me show you to your quarters…” Gary said, while concentrating briefly to summon a rude and drafty room, with a familiar crack in the plaster and primitive amenities.
“Gary, I let you play your tricks last time because… well, I actually feel guilty over that. Rolf was quite ill by the time you finished abusing him. Enough is enough.” Tawny spoke firmly and gently to her friend. While Shai boxed his ears lovingly from behind.
“Aye, dinnae besmirch the hospitality of me house, boy. Rolf may have let of the blue circle room an he wishes. We shall find beds fer all of thee, fear not we dinnae hold grudges in this home.”
“Yes dear…” The musician grumbled a little sourly, looking askance at the tall, handsome sandy haired guy wearing his clothes, behind her. “Who’s this in my pants?”
#