Ch: 24 A Bungled Burglary
Gary usually woke like a switch had been flipped from off to on. He had learned to be a light sleeper his first week in a group home. Grogginess and blurred eyes were unusual, but some things a man just knew.
He reached out to playfully fondle the plump, pink nippled breasts bouncing in front of his face, with a soft giggle of glee.
“Gary is awake I think… at least it just got weird over here.” Tallum called out, very loud and very close.
Too close, and Shai’s boobs were rock hard… and hairy.
Dawning horror and embarrassment flooded his body with things it was not ready for… and darkness claimed him again.
“…weak as a kitten, but he was all over me, I would like to apologize on behalf of all men, for what he must put you through Shai.” Tallum was rumbling like a freight wagon over cobblestones, the boy was as subtle as a landslide.
“A gentleman should never kiss and tell Tallumz.” Gary gasped softly, using Ivy’s seldom heard, secret pet name for the giant. “That was a tender moment between us, now it’s just tawdry gossip.” He complained in a voice like a rusty gate.
“My insides hurt.” He announced while passing out again.
When he woke next, Dannyl was looming over him where he floated. Slowly he reached out and began groping Dannyl’s chest. “I’m establishing a precedent, so when a pretty lady is there when I come to, she can’t complain.” He whispered, withdrawing his hands.
“I didn’t tell you to stop.” The young man said earnestly, with a fevered look in his eye. “I think that the attraction we feel is very healthy, sure you are a couple years older…”
Dannyl had to submerge to hide his laughter, but Gary had floated far enough away that he did not notice. Tawny came in right on cue.
“I know you have some ‘hangups’ Shai said you called them, about sex and sexuality. This might be a good time to hash some of those feelings out with the group.” Tawny had that practiced clinical manner that cut to the bone, until her giggle escaped.
“I hate all you guys, is everybody ok?” He asked quietly.
“One of us nearly got cut in half, so no.” Tawny scolded gently. “If you had a teacup’s worth of blood left in you by the time we got you out from under that thing, I will eat my sandals.”
Shai was lurking nearby, he could feel her. “How long was I out?” He asked the room, his voice barely more than a hoarse whisper.
“Nearly two whole days, it’s afternoon. Liam and Ivy should be coming back soon. Khan is with them, it’s ok though, the horse is there too.” Dannyl replied.
Shai appeared with a bowl that gave off a heavenly scent. Spicy, with garlic and fish, it smelled like home, but with groundworm and the local tomatoes it smelled like Home, too. A seamless mix of where he came from and where he belonged.
Shai’s grin was off the charts when he started sniffing and trying to paddle his way closer. “So hungry… is that cioppino? You have been playing with my toys again…”
The others drifted away, leaving the pair alone as she fed him, once again. “I did nae hae a birth day gift fer thee truly, what else have I, that ye do not already own?” She kissed him softly.
“But this, Becky did help with the searching out the recipe in yer befuddled mind, Ivy had a hand wi the making of it, so tis our gift tae thee. The beast were a job o work tae harvest wi out thee boy, even Khan did help wi that task.”
“Is that what I’m tasting? Mister Crawdaddie’s Pimp Hand is delicious. Any toast to go with this?” Shai hushed him with a sharp look.
“Nae solid food till Tawny do say, she did work hard sewing yer bowels taegether, twould be bad manners tae burst them.” Shai said firmly.
#
The patrol returned to find Gary hunched over and toddering around the common room like an unsteady drunk, while Shai fussed at him to sit still. “You hid my guitar, that’s no fair, how does that even work, how did you hide it inside me?”
“Gary’s not making sense, that’s a good sign.” Liam told Khan. “When it seems like he’s normal, watch out.”
“Ye can play the flute by the fire, an ye stay warm an sit still. I hae more soup fer ye, perhaps a bit o crawdaddie an Tawny allows…” She coaxed.
“Ok, but not because I’m tired.” He said, stumbling to a sofa and disappearing under a blanket that fell from the ceiling.
Shai sckooched in and fed him, promising; “An yer hands be steady enough, I shall fetch yer guitar tomorrow, eat and be good, then ye can have yer flute.”
He earned his flute time by letting Shai shovel him full of the delightful stew. Once the instrument was in his hands, he fumbled ineffectually until he gave up, not even managing to bring it to his lips. “Somebody play something, please, it’s like a tomb in here!”
Dannyl and Liam grinned when Tawny sat down to the pianoforte. Tallum limbered up and started a groove that was familiar, becoming unmistakable when Tawny took over.
She drove the group into a smooth and mellow performance of ‘Take Five’, with Shai jumping in on the violin. Her bells and instrument combined, neatly filled that saxophone space.
Gary and Khan sat stunned, one because his friends were trying so hard. The other because he had no real frame of reference for the strange world he found himself in. Neither could decide exactly which category they were in.
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When the music wound down, Gary corralled a breathless Shai in his arms to take her upstairs. He tried to take her upstairs, he wound up in a pile of loose limbs on the floor instead.
“I wanna sleep in our bed tonight love… weekend at Gary’s please?” He begged, still struggling to stand.
She began to play something slow and sensual, noodling in simple scales while her hips drove Gary to his feet. He leaned into it and that made the whole thing smoother. Before long he was staggering upstairs like a drunkard, a marked improvement over forming a low mound on the floor.
#
“To be able to walk so soon after such an injury is a testament to your skill, mistress Trelawny.” Khan said.
“More like it’s a testament to stupid men who think a little magic is a substiute for time and rest. If it were any but those two… trying to keep them apart is hopeless.” She sighed long and low.
“Are we still being watched?” She asked quietly, when the pair were upstairs.
He nodded. “Two, they switch out for one another at midday, they are not attempting to be subtle. Would you like me to approach them today and ask why they are observing us?”
Khan and Tawny used their relative ranks and positions the way any craftsperson used their tools, confidently, carefully, and with knowledge of their limits and uses. They shared leadership, back and forth seamlessly trading who was in the lead as matters dictated.
“I slipped close for a look, they are War cultists from Port Fallon. They mean us no harm I am sure, though Brennan Fallon has a reputation for being… lax in matters of discipline, where commoners are involved.”
“I misliked the way he looked at Shai, Ivy and Becky, his interest in Gary was more than simple curiosity as well.” she said softly. “We will need to exercise caution and discretion for the duration of this trip.”
“From what little I have seen of your group, that plan seems doomed to fail. Your Gary seems ill suited to remaining quiet, can you keep him on a leash?”
Her gaze sharpened at his criticism. “Can you keep that horse of yours under control? She left us little choice but to allow that man inside. His aura disturbed me.”
“I would have left him to bathe in the river… a pity he did not drown in the muck.” Khan grunted and stood. “I think I will have a chat with my former comrades.”
“Ask Ivy to put something from the kitchen together for them. Bribery is best when hidden in plain sight.” Tawny said. “We should make a practice of feeding our observers, that should blunt whatever plan is afoot.”
“I had heard that the Lady Trelawny Belen is wise indeed.” He intoned, with a shallow bow, just the right balance of respect, humility and familiarity. “You should meet her if you ever find yourself in Wheatford Acolyte Trelawny.
“Tawny is fine master Khan, we will be working together closely going forward.” She said warmly.
#
From the corner of the room, Liam felt a twinge in his stomach while watching the exchange. He headed for the garden, a little work would settle his insides. Tawny was a grown woman after all.
#
It took two more days of idleness before the boy was fully mobile. Even so he had the endurance of a toddler.
“We are running low on flour, salt and coffee, boys. Does anyone want to run to Port Fallon for supplies?” Ivy asked on the second morning since Gary woke.
“We could just start moving again…” Gary offered from his position in the pool. “I can walk now.”
“Aye, an when ye run out o strength halfway tae the shore, should we come back an stay here?” Shai scolded him. “An ye would be an Adventurer ye must think ere ye act.”
“I have been thinking, oh Dread Pirate Shai.” He gave a sharp whistle, and Otho came trotting up, loosely held in the traces of Gary’s weird blue dog cart. “I did some work on the mystery machine down in the shop.”
The two wheeled cart now sported an open cargo bed with an awning. It was still a bright teal blue, with stylized flowers and the bizarre ‘Mystery Machine’ text painted on the sides.
“We can start moving, and with a baggage cart we look less… whatever we look like.”
The whole crew looked back and forth between each other for a few moments, before they shrugged in near unison.
“If we get back on the move, try and blend in as best you can. Port Fallon is much larger than Wheatford.” Liam stared straight at the maimed fool. “Gary, you will be attended at all times. No complaints.”
Liam coughed softly, drawing the attention of the group. “Should we, as Gary says, ‘bring Khan in out of the cold’, I don’t see any advantage to keeping him out.”
“I finally learn what this madness is in aid of?” Khan remarked snidely. “Annie has some ideas, they all revolve around those grenadier pears Becky keeps feeding her. Something about magic from beyond space and time making them more delicious. That horse is all muscle and appetite.” He complained fondly.
The group of young people all began to look shifty at that, almost guilty. “She even tried to claim that all three of you are uncanny in some way.” He laughed indicating Gary, Shai and Becky.
There was a lot of explaining to do.
#
“... so there is a new god, Secret is out and Knowledge is in?” He asked, receiving nods all around. “And all this is you two?” He said, taking in the house and yard.
“Tis all Gary, I do be…”
Gary broke in, pulling her closer on the sofa they shared by the fire. “Nuhh uhh, it’s both of us, all the way down.” Gary said, inhaling the scent of her hair, as she rested her head on his shoulder. He choked softly and coughed when the many yards of spider silk sewn into him tightened up.
“It really does take more than one person to haul around all of Gary’s weirdness. I have to lug a bunch of it too.” Becky griped, squeezing in beside the pair.
“And your soul is infested with spiders?” He asked, now even more lost than before the explanations started. “That does explain the chandelier.” He said, looking up at the fixture.
“Hey!” All three sang in unison. “Thirp made that!” They chorused, sounding almost ethereal together.
Dannyl came cruising in from the kitchen holding a tray that smelled delightful.
“Are those… tacos? Crayfish tacos?” Gary almost slipped from the sofa to the floor in shock.
Shai grinned wickedly and picked up one of the steaming miracles, chomping into it with no hesitation.
“We thought it would be fun to see what they eat where you come from… most of it is pretty nasty.” Becky said, shaking her head so hard her beads clattered.
“Your king of the burgers, an that orange haired clown should be ashamed o their workings. Tis unfit fer stray dogs.” Shai poked him in the tummy. “Now I do understand yer paunchy condition. They do fatten thee up fer slaughter.”
“How did you even get these recipes? I don’t really cook, I couldn't make a tortilla to save my life.” He asked, getting sidetracked by tacos.
“Aye, ye cannae cook, in truth, but meself an Becky can, dinnae be a greater fool than ye must boy.” She scolded. “We did sift through many dismal meals tae find this and yer red stew.”
“These are lovely, though undignified.” Tawny declared. “I should like to serve these at tea with my fellows at the temple. They could do with a little less dignity.” Tawny snarked, licking her fingers happily.
“Let me know and I will make them for you.” Dannyl said, breaking some of his usual reserve around Tawny.
She smiled radiantly and hugged him, bringing a blush to his cheeks. “I will do that, Perhaps I could host them here, when we get back to Wheatford. Think of the scandal.” She almost shivered with delight at the idea.
Slowly, Gary’s trembling hand reached out, clutching feebly for a taco, only to be stopped by Shai. “We have more soup for thee boy, tis not yet fer thee tae eat solids.”
Tawny dosed Gary with duskmoon pollen and put him in for the night, while the gang got themselves ready to move out the next day.
“Can ye teach me that spell Tawny? Tae put him down like that would be helpful.” Shai asked once the boy was out cold. “He did fret awfully at being denied tacos.”
“The temple must guard its lore carefully, Shai, just as Craft conceals his deeper secrets.” She smiled warmly. “Had you a contract with Healer I would, happily.”
“Aye, tis ever such, though I hae one Contract now.” She jingled her bells fondly. “Tis as though his hand were on my hips even now.” She sighed long and slow.
“He dreams ye know, even under the duskmoon. Tis only music, but he dreams. Tis how I did nae die while ye worked on him.”
“I’m sorry Shai, I did not consider your… connection, are you… well?” Shai nodded silently and Tawny chewed her lip in concern. “I have no clue what you are going through, so here, off to bed.”
Tawny shoved a wad of pollen into Shai’s surprised mouth and had her bundled in beside her musician before she knew what was happening. Tawny’s wand appeared and that was it.
#
The sun was out on a cold clear day. Gary woke, bundled up in blankets and tucked in with Shai, as they trundled down the road in the mystery machine. Otho was pulling them along at a steady walk and deftly avoiding ruts, rocks and potholes.
Tawny was astride Annie, so high up, she seemed even smaller than usual. She looked tired as she smiled down at them. “I thought it best to leave you two asleep, physicians prerogative. We are an hour away from the house now.”
“Well someone is trying to break into our house right now… any thoughts?” He said, feeling grumpy as someone pried at his windows and tried to climb his wall.
“A platoon of War cultists from Port Fallon and their leader, a knight of Order came by while you were sleeping that first night.” Liam said. “We stalled them, but they have been watching ever since, one is following us now. His partner must be trying to get in.”
“He just discovered the thorns and the berries, so he won’t be troubling us for a while. He has other things to worry about.”