Ch: 135 Finnegan’s Wake

Their home landed in a wide open pasture, almost a score of level, grassy acres. Setting up by night they hadn't noticed how close to the bustling market they were, now curious onlookers were peering through the garden gate, or marveling at the spires and pennants in the clear, blue sky.

From nearby rooftops, a few lookie-loos were watching the antics in the garden, while enjoying their own breakfast. A rotund beaver, his whole family and a number of apprentices waved a cheery greeting from the flat roof of a nearby carpenter’s shop.

Ivy trotted out into the garden meadow with a padded practice mace and a round shield. Her usual armor and a bulky leather helmet were her only other equipment.

Gary was already waiting, in his lobster armor and holding a padded double ended staff. “I’ll only use my gifts on myself, Ok Ivy?” He asked when she stepped out into the chalked out circle.

“Fine, just remember that later, Ok?” She took a few swings with her mace, getting a feel for it. “Ready when you are.”

Without preamble Gary began to whistle, stepping and stomping in time with his tune, while circling his diminutive opponent. His simple song drifted and shifted in tempo erratically, making him slippery. He fainted a hesitant strike or two, which she batted away scornfully, just because she could.

“Take me seriously brother, or I’ll whomp you even worse.” She sang in tune with his song.

On the ‘whomp’, she lunged forward, stabbing her mace at his midriff as he passed by. He deflected her strike with careful placement of his staff, he took the energy of her blow and made it a graceful spin, whipping his weapon around at her head.

Her disdainfully raised shield stopped his attack cold, it had no guts or force backing it up.

He took a moment to regain his balance, while she took a moment to bring her weapon back with a short, savage stroke that nearly swept his right leg out from under him.

“Ouch!” He yelped softly, but didn’t break stride at least.

First one end and then the other of his staff shot out at her, high, low, high, then high again. Each time her weapon or shield intercepted with casual ease.

She let him press the attack, wearing down some of his rather impressive stamina. “You have been working hard, haven’t you?” She sang, while evading and blocking his best efforts. “This music is unpredictable. Good, that’s a weakness intelligent foes could use against you.”

“It’s called ‘Giant Steps’, cause of the way it makes you… Reach!” His weapon flashed out aggressively, nearly pushing her shield out of line for the return swing with the other end of his weighted staff.

“Nice try, but that won’t work twice… too bad, with your real baton you might have broken my shield.” Her mace whacked his leading knee, sending him rolling across the lawn when his leg folded. She didn’t even look pleased with herself.

When he rolled back to his feet and came in for more, she smiled. “Nice intensity…” They exchanged a few attacks and parries as he limped past, the big musician came away with a few cracked armor plates and a stunned left hand.

“Ooo right on the funnybone…” He gasped, shaking his arm back into the action.

“Tawny would have a shattered arm to repair if this wasn’t padded, Gary.” She sang softly when his whistling resumed. Their weapons clashed again and again as they got a feel for each other’s style.

She intercepted a jab from the end of his staff, laid her shield flat against his staff with a quick turn of her hips and leapt forward, oblique to his line of attack. Her shield’s boss ran down his weapon in an attempt to smash his knuckles.

He lept back and to the side, giving his staff a spin that came in low and hard, aiming to entangle her fast moving legs.

The poor boy struck empty air, she slid to the left, keeping her shield in his face and rocked her mace around for a low jab.

The ball of her mace caught him at the belt line, right below his navel, folding him in half neatly, with a satisfying crunch and groan.

Ivy, ever so gently placed the point of her left elbow at the base of his skull, while he was gasping around her mace head and contemplating his boots.

“Hey, you cracked my shield with a practice weapon… Nice effort buddy…” She patted her gasping brother on his back and held him up while he tried to remember how breathing worked.

After a moment, he collapsed to the lawn, gasping raggedly and still curled up.

“Right in my breakfast shawarma…” He moaned weakly.

“He really is doing better, it’s night and day since you started him dancing to Gunnar’s tune.” Ivy told Dannyl and Shai, while Tawny worked on what was left of the big bard.

“Keep it up, I like the progress. Dannyl, get in the ring, I need a workout.”

Dannyl did much better, despite using a mundane practice sword rather than his whip. They both wound up lightly battered and breathing heavily, with Ivy’s shield completely broken on the lawn and Dannyl nursing a bruised hip.

“Anybody else want a go?” The feisty mage asked, while shaking her numbed shoulder back into the game.

“I’ll take a turn…” Tallum mumbled softly, while he collected her broken shield. “We’ll see if you can dodge my attacks…” He gave a cheeky wink, then blushed furiously when he realized what he was saying.

“Oh… I’ll take that duel in our rooms, Tallums…”

Her low, hungry growl sent shivers up, and then back down the big man’s spine.

#

“You were right, Gary…” The giant said, while he and his brothers floated in the grotto, soaking away their bruises and scratches.

“It had to happen sometime, I’m glad it was now… I’ll be right about something again next month.” He murmured, while passing the pipe to Dannyl.

“Gods, did you finally give Ivy a proper sticking?” His gleeful laugh and wink made both big men blush. “She knew what you’ve got down there before you got together…”

Watching both of them turn red and get uncomfortable was too much fun, He went in for another pass. “If the gods give a man a battering ram like that, it’s his duty to employ it, nothing wrong with charging the breech in a friendly battle.”

Their small friend collapsed back in the mossy bed and sighed. “It’s too easy with you prudes. It’s a cock, not a weapon, it’s supposed to get stabbed into willing, warm places.”

“On that note, I have a busy day, we pack up at third bell boys.” Gary muttered tiredly. He got up and dressed himself, but he left the pipe with his two battered brothers, still lost among the water plants and steam.

#

Gary, Shai and the little ones headed out the gate, aiming for a morning stroll in the market. They meandered out the gate and set course for the market, just a short stroll past the boat…

Out on the riverbank, Seahorse was tied to stakes hammered into the bank, with a gangplank leading aboard.

That was apparently enough of an invitation for a gang of local kids to make it their hangout. There were several beavers, otters, muskrats, a raccoon, two coyotes, a wolf and a badger all tumbling, fumbling and jostling among the benches.

They took turns, leaping overboard, swimming about and rolling in the grass to dry off, then repeating the process. A few feline children watched from nearby, in frustrated concern and jealousy.

Gary, Shai and the kids strolled out to the scene at the boat, watching a badger girl pretend to work the tiller, shouting nautical commands to a group of giggling kids, who were more interested in play, than swimming.

The band of miniature river pirates froze, when they felt Gary and Shai’s adult gaze, chilling their fun and enthusiasm. The children in the water quickly submerged and began swimming away quietly, while those aboard tried to slip into the water unnoticed.

“Amy, Wilford, you know what to do. Rio, stay close to your brother and sister... Go, git’em!”

He swatted the tiny blue dynamo on her bottom and launched three unerring, guided fun missiles at the boarding party infesting his boat. He pulled a pair of camp chairs from his ass and offered one to Shai.

“This should be more fun than shopping… cheaper too.”

The poor kids never had a chance. The trio of over amped, well fed brats had been riding in a boat for too many days without playmates. They quickly overwhelmed the furry crew and started a real ruckus.

“Wilford. No swimming in the river. Your new friends can swim with you in the pool… if their parents say it’s ok.” Gary called from his chair, when his daughter tattled.

Wilford was halfway stripped already, he sulked a little but let Amy help him get his clothes back on.

“I don’t think we’ll be heading out today, lover. Let’s check with the group about taking a day here, seeing the sights. Our wraith will still be haunting tomorrow morning.” He murmured softly in her ear, with their chairs side by side, sharing a blanket and a mug of tea in the cool morning sun.

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

She whistled sharply, a few seconds later, Otho came tumbling out in a massive storm of red fur, legs and tongue.

“This fine fellow will help me watch the bairns, now ye are free tae make arrangements… off wi thee, thou art superfluous now.” She snatched the blanket away, tucked her feet under the massive mutt and snuggled in with her tea.

“Shoo! Scat boy, I want thee back wi summat fer these wee ones tae snack on. T’will be hungry work, pirating on these waters.”

“That’s just mean.” He sulked pettily, as he dragged away, limping dramatically on his fully healed leg. He made the very image of comical, clownish despair. Gary departed, but his shadow stayed, lying on the grass like a discarded cloak.

“Gary, ye hae forgotten summat...” She sang, while his shadow stood up and took form. Starman stretched, smiled and started walking with a bouncing strut, right aboard the boat and among the little ones.

“The Goblin King wanted to come out to play…” He sang over Rio’s drum, as he vanished through the gate.

What kind of magic spell to use

Slime and snails, or puppy dog tails

Thunder or lightning?

Then baby said:

Dance, magic dance dance, magic dance,

Dance, magic dance dance, magic dance,

Put that baby's spell on me!

With a dramatic sigh of great reluctance, which struggled to slip past her wide, joyous smile, she rose and started in with her violin and bells. It was a little embarrassing, making a minor spectacle by the waterside, on a sleepy weekday morning.

After the first song, the small, slender, blonde NotGary joined her ashore, for a dance. He was far more adept at the art than her boy.

“So, be ye Starman, or the Goblin King?” She asked, as they spun and whirled around each other’s instruments and music.

It's not really work,

It's just the power to charm.

I'm still standing in the wind,

But I never wave bye bye,

But I try, I try!

“Aye, so both and many more are within thee… Tis odd, this power of his and yours.” She sang along, watching the strange man dance so well, in her lover’s shadow.

Some cat was laying down some rock 'n' roll

"Lotta soul," He said.

Then the loud sound did seem to fade,

Came back like a slow voice on a wave of phase

That weren't no DJ, that was hazy cosmic jive…

There's a starman waiting in the sky!

He'd like to come and meet us,

But he thinks he'd blow our minds!

There's a starman waiting in the sky

He's told us not to blow it,

'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile

He told me:

Let the children lose it

Let the children use it

Let all the children boogie!

“As ye say, friend… Shall we ‘Blame It On The Boogie’, till Gary returns wi snacks, at least?” She asked, while shifting the tune into a new groove with Gary’s absurd gift.

Amy caught the scent of disco on the air and took control, hopping in on her favorite verse, before the others even found the groove.

I've changed my life completely!

I've seen the lightning leave me!

And my baby just can't take her eyes off me!

Don't blame it on the sunshine!

Don't blame it on the moonlight!

Don't blame it on the good times!

Blame it on the boogie!!!

“I can’t turn my back on either of you two…” Khan shouted between laughs, as he rode by on Annie, followed by the whole herd. He was no doubt leading the mounts out for some exercise, in anticipation of an idle day.

“Facing front will nae keep us frae shaking yer booty fer ye! Tis generous and open handed we are… wi the boogie.” She shouted back, waving her musical bottom at him… and the townsfolk, watching the weirdo humans, in confusion and wonder.

More than one nervous parent had stepped too close and been sucked into the game. A stodgy looking badger woman, wearing the iron torc of a master in the local smith’s guild stamped into the melee, Shouting for her child.

“Gurniff! You lazy runtling, finish sweeping the forge before you…”

Her toes tapped to the catchy beat, while she yelled, innocently enough. Just one, two, three… and she found herself with several diminutive dance partners. Only one of whom was her stubborn, lazy son… and soon to be apprentice.

#

Becky and the crew had been hard at work while the kids and Shai were making magical and musical mayhem. The impossible nuggie and vegetable tempura booths had swiftly appeared by the gate, once he asked to stay in town for the day..

Liam stood nearby, behind a table laden with his wares. Canisters of his tea and smoke blends shared the space, along with a massive samovar, conjured for the tea service. He had cheap wooden mugs for two iron bits, simple pipes for a copper half, tea or smokables for a copper bit an ounce.

Three happy customers in, Liam was smiling and chanting his wares like a veteran merchant.

“Tea and smoke… pipes and mugs, we sell ‘em cheap and fill them with tasty stuff!” He sang, waving to the crowds and smoking a particularly fragrant cocoa husk and mint blend.

When Gary returned with a big hamper over his shoulder, things had gotten nicely out of hand. An Otter woman wearing a sundress on her shoulderless form… somehow, spun past him with a delighted giggle, even while he was leaving the gate.

The wide, open space between the gate and river was swarmed with giggling, laughing, dancing folk of every kind and kith.

His magic drenched every inch of the surrounding area and was crawling at the edges, seeking new prey. He could feel his essence skulking and creeping around in a way that made him feel uncomfortable and strangely excited. Unminded threads of influence slipped and slithered through the grass and reeds, entangling anyone and anything with even a hint of a soul.

Each thread and strand of his gifts that Shai and the kids pulled from their connection and spun to their will, sent a tiny shiver of pleasure down his spine. A pleasure that felt easy, intoxicating, enticing, addictive…

“Snacktime… let’s settle down…” He shouted into the mob, the poor boy had a good dose of flopsweat on his brow, by the time he got his gifts reeled back in.

Amy was reluctant to ‘Let It Go’, until she was finished… since she was drawing on her proud papa’s mana and stamina for the event. “Aww… that was only my second encore…”

“Sorry darling, but I’m feeling the strain now… let me rest a bit and maybe we can have fun with your new friends later, ok?” He sagged into his abandoned chair to watch the proceedings, with Shai nestled in close by.

“Sorry darlin, I don’t wanna poop the party…” He shifted uncomfortably and groaned, holding his middle and hunching forward a bit.

“That slug demon is kicking me in the fartbox on the way out, I think.”

Gary staggered off into the house, with Shai following, just not too closely. His walk suggested his insides were being volatile.

“Are ye in need of Tawny? Or a stink ring?” She asked, when he had ensconced himself in the foyer lavatory.

“No… go have fun… this is going to be a roller coaster ride.” He groaned, as things began rumbling unpleasantly behind the door.

#

An hour later, when Gary emerged looking ashen, the children of the Oysterflats were all splashing in the public pool, while the expectant mothers and elders held control of the private bath.

He staggered over to the edge of the garden, past a number of strolling locals enjoying Liam’s work. Through the hedge and near the wall and outlet stream the third pool swirled endlessly.

With a snarl he threw something wet and dark to the pavement around the pool. He stomped it savagely, grinding his heel into the creature. It squealed piteously, as he pulped its front end with his full weight and plenty of effort.

He drew a bag of salt out and dumped it over the wriggling thing with a grin of pure satisfaction.

“I don’t relish your pain, just your banishment from this plane forever… The pain you feel is just a special gift from me to you. My way of saying ‘thanks for the memories’, shitbag. My friend the devourer is waiting for you… they always enjoy getting ahold of an immortal, so much gristle to chew on you guys.”

He used the side of his boot to shove the foaming, stinking corpse into the final pool. “Toodle-oo asshole.”

“Gary, where did that slug creature come from?” Becky asked with real concern in her voice.

“How long have you been there?” He demanded, sounding irate and looking deeply embarrassed.

“I followed you all the way from the privy, calling your name. You had your head in a fog… where did that slug come from?” She insisted, standing in his way and blocking him in.

“I don’ wanna talk about it…” He mumbled, his embarrassment was white hot, with actual waves of heat coming off of him.

“You can talk to me… or to Shai.” Even without her formal robes, Becky knew how to throw her authority around.

“I… pfhrhf hifrf anffnrf murfrererph… and I killed him once more, for the final time.” He mush-mouthed and double talked his way through the important part, like she was an idiot, rushing to the end.

“No more slug demon, ever. He will be reborn on some other plane, somewhere, somewhen, far, far away as a normal mortal.” He dusted off his hands, signaling a job well done.

“Nice, now where did that slug monster come from…?” She insisted, hands on hips and elbows flung wide. “Dish, or Shai and Liam get to ask you… maybe Luna.”

“Ok, ok… I told you demons are just souls that somehow managed to get formed, outside any reality. It should be impossible, but in an infinite universe of universes… Universeses? I dunno, but with so much everything, scattered around so much nothing, everything is possible and probable… so demons exist.” He shrugged.

“Slugworth got summoned into this dimension and decided he liked it here… He wanted to do some things that are best left unexamined.” Gary slowed to a halt, clearly hoping that was enough… it wasn’t.

“Our friend Figaro scotched sluggie’s plans and made the slug very angry. Then we came along and solved his problem. He wanted into this world, so I pulled him all the way in and killed him, cause he sucked really bad. Like a serious asshole, I don’t wanna go into it, but fuck that guy…”

“Uhh huh. And, where did that slug monster come from?” She demanded, once more.

“Gods damnit! I told you, souls can’t be destroyed… only sent out to be reborn somewhere. That worthless, amoral, vicious turd had never been born in the flesh, so he was haunting me a little… while I digested him.”

“What was that? While what?” She stomped closer, jabbing a pointer finger in, dangerously near his navel.

“While I digested him… and I had to… and then I killed him again. All finished. Now, may I please go wash my hands and throw away these boots… High priestess Becky?” He was rapidly shifting from super embarrassed to angry and it showed.

“Ok, I’ll tell Shai in private… but nobody else. It’ll be our family secret, brother. Now go wash up cause you need a hug, but… gross.” She sighed after he left. “Other families have lands or titles… our heirlooms suck.” She was not looking forward to her talk with Shai.

#

“Whae?! How? Wi what? An a perfectly good pair o boots?” It was going as well as could be expected. Having this talk in the walk-in fridge was less than ideal, but at least it was private. Until Tallum came looking for leftovers from lunch.

“Why are you guys talking that weird Gary language?” The interrupting oaf asked, while gnawing on a cold groundworm sausage.

“Begone clod, great mountain of mindless meat that ye are! Settle yer broad haunches on a griddle fer a bacon fry, ere I tell thee aught ye need not know! Begone, ere I crack yer arse crosswise, that ye may fart in harmony wi yerself!” He wisely fled the cooler, while guarding his backside against any splitting ‘crosswise’.

“Please, don’t make me go through it again… for both of us. Give him some time to recover and ask him yourself. Keep in mind, he just gave birth.” She giggled a little, before becoming disgusted with herself.

“It was pretty traumatic, for everyone. Come on, let’s go join him in the bath, be cool though, he’s kinda shook up from the experience. I’m just glad no one else saw…”

#

In a terrifying dark temple, which somehow was also the foyer lavatory, a chubby, chibi Gary, wrestled with a hideous, lumpy brown slug creature.

Locked in a life and death battle with the corn and peanut studded, sluggy fiend, Gary’s pudgy hands squeezed its ‘flesh’, until the stuff pushed out between his fingers, moistly. Subtle brushstrokes suggested stink lines and stench clouds, as they fought beneath a stained glass window depicting a beautiful, radiant toilet.

Every detail showed loving attention and care, while the unimportant, hazed into a mere suggestion of color and form. The violent tableau taking up the narrative third of the crisp, vibrant oil on canvas work, was exquisite, drawing gasps from the gathered crowd.

“I call it, ‘Mortal soil, Nightsoil terrors number four.’ I plan a series of these works for exhibition, back home.” Dannyl said proudly.

“I appreciate the way you directly address the creature’s origin, without showing us the man, monster interface… explicitly.” Tawny mused, as she considered the work. “The brush and knife work is impressive, as is the balance and color use in this piece. Otho may wish to expand his colle-…” She paused and turned to the stairs up to Shai’s quarters with a smile.

“Gary, are you feeling better? Dannyl was just showing us your latest exploit on canvas!”

“Becky.” Just one word, one name, whispered so softly, it wouldn’t stir a dew drenched spider web on a still spring morning… Yet, it came clear and cold, everywhere in and around the house, out to the utter end of his influence.

#