Ch: 266 Head Like A Hole
“Amy’s art is occult, secrecy is one of the most important elements. No snooping.” He told Tony and Adele, when they asked at breakfast.
“Gods, boy, she spoke a single word and brought him down!” The diminutive warmage grumbled. “Think of the possibilities!”
“Nope. That particular art is worthless against monsters or committed opponents, it entangles the target in their own doubts and second thoughts made manifest…” He rambled happily. “...Hey! That was sneaky!” He glared at the small woman. “Your clever tricks wont work on me again… where was I?”
“Unknown entity entangling the souls of Gabbie and Jocomo…” Becky prompted.
“Oh yeah… and at least a hundred and fifty other people, draining all of them, tapping a portion of each person’s life force and stealing it away.” Gary yawned slowly as he spoke.
“I had a short chat with them, it feels like their plans are coming undone from at least one or more angles. I’ll let them stew in their own juices while we work on the magic involved… shit’s pretty complicated and wickedly, wicked.”
“What do you think it is?” Tony had a worried expression on the unscarred side of his face. “An undead life stealer?”
“Nahh, it’s not undead or even undead adjacent… pure eldritch whatever. I don’t think it was originally sentient or at least, it had no personality. It felt like walking into a masked ball, but there was nobody behind the faces.” He slumped down a little and drained his coffee in one long, scalding draught.
“Not like a Hollow One… more like it was copying the actions of the people it infested over the years, to remain hidden and just sorta grew a personality of sorts. It’s a dick, too.”
Becky, Kermal, Ivy and Tallum all stood and headed for the door together, as second bell rang. That was when the sleepy musician noticed they were all in traveling gear and Adventure kit. Luna met them in the garden leading a brace of horsies from War, mounted on her Camelia. One of the prototype Adventure Wagons stood outside the gate, hitched to a placidly grazing donkey.
“You guys are going out?” Gary asked nervously.
“Yeah, we picked up a short patrol ride contract and a few minor monsters from the Adventure board.” Dannyl answered cheerily. “We aren’t gonna let the roads get closed, not during peak trading season! Some of us have investment portfolios!” Gary scratched his head at that one and shrugged.
“We’ll be back in four days or so.” Luna gave him a smirk. “We’re meeting up with a team from War for a patrol to Port Ellis and back.”
Kermal gave a smile and a salute. “I’m just along for the ride. I have a new Contract to settle into.” He and Becky shoulder bumped, in the familiar way she did with Shai and Gary.
“Take good care of her Kerms… Becks, see you soon.” He stepped in and gave both of them a long hug, then shook himself all over like a wet dog.
Shai came out of the barn, leading Winslow, fully kitted out. She slipped in for an armored hug and kiss. “Kelli an Elli will be stayin’ wi thee fer these days, she hae a mind tae coddle the bairns a mite.” She chuckled and went for another lip lock. “We discussed it last night, while ye were sleepin’.”
“Yeah… stuff keeps coming up.” He grumbled softy into her throat, while having a nibble.
“I were disappointed, lad… dinnae be lax in yer duties. I’ll see thee this night, in yer dreams.” She whipped her hair across his face, as she vaulted into the saddle… knowing full well what that did to his insides.
He watched them ride off up the Port Ellis road, into the hills to the west. “Come back inside, Papa.” Wilf mumbled “I’m hungry.”
“Yeah… let’s eat our feelings. Vampire squid calamari?” He scooped the burly lad up into a hug and carry combo, on the way to the kitchen.
“I want apple fritters.” He murmured sleepily.
“We’ll compromise… squid and apple fritters with spicy tomato sauce…”
#
“Exploded, you say… his actual genitals?” Patricia Belen asked with a shudder.
“If half of what’s coming out from the cult of Order right now is true, he got off easy.” Leopold grumbled. “I should have sent someone to snoop on that filthy…”
“Papa, even the tailor’s guild and the cult of Joy had no clue.” Jennah leaned over and snagged a smoked sausage and a roll from her father’s plate with a grin on her face.
“Gods, Jenny!” He complained bitterly, while smiling at his sneaky daughter. “You need to stop skulking like that, sweetie…”
“I’ll do my best…” She whispered, while slowly easing from his perceptions again.
“I’m glad only one of my children is a sneak…” He announced loudly to the room. “I mean, really… and drawing all those silly mustaches, beards and groin bulges on the family portraits in the grand hall… Mistress Shenko is very upset.”
“I keep telling you, Papa. That’s not me, never was. I suspect Adam.” The smiling woman in common clothes of uncommon fine cut and style murmured happily, from the far side of the dining table.
“Nonsense.” Duchess Celeste snorted, a vice she only indulged in the family quarters; a duchess does not snort when she laughs.
“Adam indeed, as well to accuse poor sweet Rolf…” Celeste sighed happily. “Such good boys!”
#
Rolf and Angie hurtled across the squash field, in pursuit of Ester’s leaping, laughing form. “Why are we doing this again?” She asked the muscular young knight.
“Ester says we have to… she claims we suffer a ‘mirth deficit’ and need ‘mischief therapy’. He answered, his sturdy legs churning away. She slowed for a peek at his backside while he ran, but the damn boy slowed with her. It was very frustrating! She picked up the pace, deeply thankful for the training and conditioning she’d put herself through to master her new leg. She surged ahead, drawing Rolf along with her.
#
Rolf slowed, trying to get a better angle out of the corner of his eye… watching Angie run was one of his new favorite things, too bad she kept slowing, the poor dear. That also made it tough to watch her jiggle so delightfully, so he slowed the pace.
“I asked her what she meant by that… She said that all would be clear after this… exercise. I still don’t understand.”
He smiled with pride as she dug in and found her second wind. Angie pulled ahead, running with long, even strides and breathing freely… that was his favorite part, so he pulled up even with her… and a half step ahead, for the jiggles. Sadly, she started slowing again… so frustrating.
#
Ester giggled and hopped another fence, her slender legs flying over the low stone wall, revealing her lack of underthings to her pursuers. Sadly, it was just Rolf and Angie chasing her.
Old man Shraefer was left far, far behind, no doubt scandalized and horrified by their delicious prank. His outraged, incoherent shouts and final cry of ‘Git Out Mah Vegetable Patch, Ye No Good Kids!’ was perfection…
She only regretted that she wouldn’t get to see the reaction when he noticed why they’d invaded his corn, beans and squash.
Poor Angie was still back there complaining about how she ‘didn’t get it’… The girl was dull as a stick, but they were at least sleeping together finally. Running away on two legs was more fun in this case, thus the human guise. Oh if only she could watch old Shraefer discover it…
#
The three teenagers bolted from his garden like birds taking flight, giggling the whole way, just like when he was that age… ‘course when he was a lad, they’d nail the outhouse door shut or let a swarm of Chimeflies loose in the victim’s house… The sweet musical singing of their wings was only pleasant for the first few minutes. This was a whole different issue.
He stood staring up at his scarecrow and scratching his head. Gone was the rough sack cloth figure, dressed in his worn out work clothes and a battered old straw hat. He’d even stuck a burnt out corn cob pipe on the thing’s face as a little nod to his own self…
Now it was still a caricature of him up there, all in sturdy, durable cloth… stuffed and stitched, tucked and embroidered into the very image of himself. A life sized soft cloth figure of the notable old codger himself; dressed in a sewn on flannel set of startlingly scandalous ladies’ underthings… the sort currently making waves among the fashionable set. The crafty jokers had included a very generous bulge, distending the artfully crafted panties.
He stopped chasing the fool kids and stared up in wonder at the thing, until Heather Shraefer came out to see what her husband was shouting about. “Darren, what fool thing have you… gotten…?” She stared up at the figure with him. He was mounted on a tall bamboo beam… arranged and balanced such that in a breeze, ersatz Shraefer would swing around the pole… like a Port Fallon dancing girl.
“Do you know what that thing is wearing, Helen?’ He asked softly.
“I might at that… come inside, Darren. There’s something I’d like to try on for you…” She cackled. “Don’t you dare try it on for me!”
She swatted and chivied him inside, all smiles and laughter at his expense. “They got your bulge right… Stay out of my new naughties, you’ll stretch them out!”
Old man Shrafer never did get ‘round to taking that silly thing down… he always smiled while he worked in his garden after that.
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“These reports are highly speculative, your grace, my lords…” Otho murmured softly. “My confidantes claim there is some tremendous upheaval in the Empire of Light, perhaps even some disruption or change of personnel in the triumvirate itself.” He smiled at the attentive faces all around the Conference table.
People do listen up when they believe that the speaker can have a catastrophic effect on their tenders. He smiled and nodded reassuringly to the gathered local nobility and spoke more softly, forcing them to listen even more carefully.
“My latest reports suggest that the triumvirate might have been slain by parties unknown.”
“Really?” Leopold muttered. “Which one?”
“All of them…” He said softly.
“With their entire legion standing at the fringe awaiting... Something unknown…” Celeste muttered sourly, while rubbing her tummy in agitation. “Thirty five thousand legionnaires of War… aimed at the duchies.”
“They cannot march without the empress’ command… and she is unavailable.” George of Healer, former first Physician of the Empire of Light, said calmly. “Until they have an empress’ direct command; they will not march, save to return to their domains to resume their sworn duties.”
“And if she reappears and orders them to attack?” Lord Wilberforce demanded, his jowls pale with fear.
“She will not, my lords and ladies.” Leopold Belen interjected firmly. “The empress of Light has sent an embassy from her place of refuge, informing me of this.” He said cagily.
“We need not worry on that particular score… As for replacing her with a new child empress… George, what can you tell us there?”
“The empress is installed and bonded to her two hundred Whispers in a sacred ritual presided over by the triumvirate of Craft, War and Orders’ high priests… beyond that, I know that the ritual is only attended by those three clerics and the twelve senior Whispers, who never speak of it before or after.”
“Interesting… so they could seat a new child, perhaps. How do they choose them?” Celeste asked, still polishing her tummy nervously.
“The Empress is always an infant girl, brought forth by the guild of Taxmen and Assessors. The origins and selection of the empress remain a deeply held secret.” He squirmed with discomfort as he spoke, struggling to maintain his dignity. He peered around the conference chamber and the anxious nobles packed in all around.
“I have few answers for you there. Those matters have been held close by War, Order and Craft for generations untold.”
“Few answers, many assurances and plenty of rumor and supposition…” Lord Ali complained. “And still we have no solution for whatever afflicts my….”
“Thank you for your input, honored cleric.” Celeste nodded to George, who withdrew from the room, while the duchess turned to the Baronet.
“Lord Ali… if you want your wife’s condition assessed by an expert, you know who to ask.” She snapped at him angrily, her golden eyebrows rising and falling dangerously. “No cleric or mage in this chamber can aid you with her condition. Now sit down.”
“This is not a free for all… We are here to discuss land grants and claims on our newest acquisitions, as well as some old neglected domains.” Leopold snapped. “Anyone not interested in having a say in these matters, may leave now.”
Silence fell on the room rapidly at that point. The duke nodded smugly. “Lord Argent, what is the situation in county Kinnis?”
“We should have full clearance and be ready for civilian exploration within a few days… there’s something in the caves on the northeast ridge.” The dapper, middle aged lord answered smoothly.
His face was bronzed by the sun and wind, while the rest of him seemed far more fit and athletic than when he was last in Wheatford.
“Something?” The duke asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Animals, minor monsters and other cave dwellers are being driven out onto the hillsides with some regularity. Nothing dangerous has appeared, but plenty of things that should stay safely underground, keep popping out. We haven’t been able to locate a cause yet. We lack the skills and resources to resolve this issue. Perhaps a dedicated subterranean team will be needed, your grace.”
“Delvers are always troublesome.” The duke murmured. “See who is available, get me someone good. I want this finished.
#
Rolf slid forward, his sword flying from seemingly every angle possible, as Gary desperately parried and backed away. The split bamboo thwacked and thumped him so many times, the young knight had lost count.
“Doing better, Gary… you are almost to the point where you won’t stab yourself.” The mail clad knight called, once the musician was laid out flat on the lawn. All three little children came scooting over giggling merrily at his utter and complete whalloping. Angie and Ester were having a tea party on the patio with Gabbie, Kelli and Elli… Jocomo was watching the bout in a simmering fury.
When the kids were all sprawled on the resting young fool, A shadow fell over them as Jocomo blocked the morning sun. “I could have simply beaten you, all this time… couldn’t I?”
“Uhh… yeah, I suck at fighting.” He murmured happily. “Becky kicks my ass all the time. Tallum can’t even spar with me… I’d get smushed by accident.”
“You let me think you were some martial prodigy…” The smaller man grumbled. “That was dishonorable.”
“Dude…!” The sleepy man opened one eye and glared up at him. “I’m not having this discussion with my kids listening and you’re blocking the sun. Be a good neighbor and go join the tea party…” He sighed.
“Rio, steal me some of those scones. Amy, you’re on tea. Wilf… distraction. Go team Ragamuffin!”
Jocomo watched as the three kids stopped being silly toddling waifs and began moving with clarity, purpose and urgency. Amy slipped around to the samovar and quietly began pilfering tea things. Rio seemed to vanish entirely, not with shadow arts, but something simpler and more subtle. He became less interesting, hard to locate and harder to track as he strolled over to the treats on the outdoor tables.
Wilford slipped out of his kilt and shirt, in a single smooth somersault on the lawn. He accompanied his gymnastics with a chorus of ‘Maids When You’re Young’, a lewd and lusty song about things a two or three year old shouldn’t sing about, but just innocent enough to be hilarious, when belted out by a naked boy tumbling across the lawn. Angie got up to chase after him, while Gabbie and Ester shouted encouragement. Kelli just giggled and made a great show of failing to cover her eyes in gleeful horror at his bouncing buttocks.
Just as suddenly as it began, Wilf darted into the bushes with a gleeful laugh, reappearing half dressed, over at Gary’s tea party on the lawn with Rio and Amy.
“A well executed operation.” Jocomo muttered with just a hint of a smile on his face.
“We’ve been reading ‘Oliver Twist’ for story time... It’s a favorite at the orphanage…” Gary smiled inanely as the look of uncomprehending disinterest on Joco’s face drained his enthusiasm. “What matters is; my kids are the best kids and their mom’s super hot. I win.”
He looked like he was formulating some kind of retort, so Amy pointed over to the grownups table. “Gabbie’s calling you.” Just like that, Joco was gone. The Wards currently in residence got into some serious tea party on the lawn action that kept them busy til afternoon.
“I literally could have simply beaten you to death at any point, yet you handled me as though you truly were completely safe… are you mad?” Joco pressed him, down in the lab, while the kids were napping with Gabbie, Kelli and Nara.
“Yes, I’m completely mad… and I was entirely safe from you.” He nodded over the object he was working on and smiled when Jocomo scoffed. “You are in my house, brother. That’s all I’ll say about that, just don’t get any ideas.”
“Madness…” He muttered.
“Exactly, now hold this tuning fork in your teeth and tell me when you hear three long chimes… while standing on one foot, rubbing your head and patting your tummy.”
“Ngnghhgn.” The assassin muttered around his tuning fork.
“Sorry what?” Gary asked, abstractedly.
“Three long chimes.” He said again. “What was all that about?”
“The tuning fork? I’m searching for the brown note… a mythical chord that will make any human void their bowels immediately.” He answered with a slightly confused smile. “Certainly not because I’m searching for the resonance frequency of your skull, for any exploding purposes… It’s definitely the shit your pants thing.”
“And the balancing tummy pats and head rubs?” He asked, already certain of the answer.
“Yes, I’m an idiot. Just get used to that kind of thing.” He smiled and draped an arm over the smaller man. “I wind up embarrassing myself most of the time anyway.”
“What was that really?” He insisted. “I don’t believe the foolish act.”
“It’s no act baby… but yeah.” He shrugged with a helpless expression on his face. “What if I told you that you were being slowly consumed by an alien being from beyond our world…?”
“Your first two stories were more believable.” The assassin grunted, as they climbed the stairs.
“What if I told you that there were at least a hundred and fifty people also afflicted by this being somewhere in the world… maybe closer to two hundred.” He mumbled happily.
“I’m researching soul imprisoning magical constructs and Contracts… with a focus on breaking them. You and Gabbie are excellent research specimens.”
“Madness.”
“It feels like you are still struggling, brother. Think back, have I lied to you, that you know of? Taken any advantage? Asked for anything untoward?” He asked gently.
“So maybe, just maybe… I’m on the level… and all three of those stories are true.” Right at the end, he gave a mad little giggle that ruined his whole impassioned speech.
“Madness…”
“Really bro, we’ve covered that. Come on…” He started pulling the smaller man upstairs.
“Gabbie needs to bite my tuning fork. Don’t tell her about the rest, til after we’re done. That’s homework from Marduk and Thirp.”
“Homework?” He asked, beyond puzzled.
“Hey, a new word! Next we try for a simple sentence…” He strolled in and hugged the kids, the possessed woman, a cat woman and the empress in rapid succession, in a flurry of fond waking. “Come on, naptime’s over… Shai’s away; so we can stay up late, eat sweets and play with the ghosts…”
#
The fourth platoon of War, Wheatford’s youngest and least experienced lancers were taking the patrol ride, Ginger Dreadnought was along to speed their passage and more importantly, pick up and escort back a delegate from the banker’s guild and one guard from Port Ellis’ docks.
The bathers needed a break as well. It had been an exhausting year so far… “We kinnae surprise him at home and should nae away frae home… He be on a razor’s edge lately. Surprise party be off the table.” She declared, using her veto power around the camp fire that evening. “Mayhap we hae a quiet family celebration…”
“That sounds nice…” Becky leaned back in her cushioned camp chair and sipped her tea from a mug enchanted to keep it at the perfect temperature.
She looked over their small cluster of colorful tents, hammocks and bedrolls beneath the twinkling stars. The cookstove and softly shining camp lanterns cast a warm, comfortable glow over their clearing; while the charms on their uniforms and scattered among the mounts kept vermin and blood suckers at a far remove.
“Why are we roughing it? Like this? I miss my bed…” She sighed.
“Me boy cares nothing fer secrets nae privacy… I would fain keep me abilities close held…” She murmured softly. “We stay in Port Ellis on the morrow an return betimes. Ye will nae perish fer sleeping ‘rough’ a night or two.”
#
Gary administered a Stoned Tablet to his two guests and sent them off to Thirp and Ducky with at least a slight improvement in their emotional constipation. With those two working on their issues in the land of dreams and the kids in bed, he had a little time to work on other projects…
Down in the basement everything was gone, just four bare walls and a floor. On that floor he’d drawn a complex ritual circle of containment, enclosure and exclusion in wax, salt, iron filings and honey, creating a large ritual space. On a simple table sat a complex and intricate human skull carved in milky pale quartz.
It wore a veil of embroidered silk and linen, with tiny beads, shell fragments and ribbons covered with ink drawn sutras. Gary sat on a stool beside the skull, chatting amiably at it.
“So in the end, a baby mortal human pops out… I gather there’s a lot of pain and… tearing. Hey, you might be reborn as some kind of filter feeding sponge entity… I dunno. Where, what and when is the Devourer’s call. I neither know nor care what happens to your essence, your soul.”
“Immortals cannot be expunged! This is madness! When whatever witchery you’ve used to imprison me ends… I’ll scour the world for your descendants and make them suffer torments…”
“Face it with courage or fly into the abyss screaming… I don’t care either way.” He barked, while spanking his guitar in some very aggressive and angry ways.
“Let me play you off this mortal stage… We won’t be seeing you again, since you’re a brand new mortal soul.”
Bow down before the one you serve!
You're going to get what you deserve!
Head like a hole,
Black as your soul!
I'd rather die, than give you control!
As his song continued, the pale, milky quality of the stone skull began to thin, as if innumerable tiny faults or fissures were closing in the stone material itself. By the outro, the skull was crystal clear and perfectly colorless. He tapped it with a silver headed hammer and received a long sweet natural C that carried on and on.
“Sweeet! Empty vessel!” He giggled tiredly. “Waste not want not!” He stuffed the skull in a worn leather satchel and buckled it closed. The bag went behind a sturdy bronze safe door, locked away from curious hands.
He staggered up to bed and collapsed among the kids, wiped out, but smiling.
A gentle knocking disturbed him just as he was about to sleep.
“Gary…?” Kelli asked from the doorway.
“Yes Kelli?”
“Can we… can I sleep in here tonight?” She mumbled awkwardly.
“Come on love… there’s room for family.” He sighed.
“I am also here… Gary.” Elli muttered quietly.
“Exactly.” He sighed happily.
It didn’t take long to get everyone situated and comfy. Kelli snuggled in with Rio and Amy, while Wilf curled up on Gary. Elli pooled in the shadows by his pillow, a patch of deeper darkness in the night.
“Before you sleep, may I ask something?” Elli whispered in his ear.
“Mm, hmmm.” He murmured affirmatively.
“Can you truly grant immortals… mortality?” She asked, sounding even more whispery.
“Yah, It’s why I can deal with these people. When I’m done, nobody can just summon them back for another try.” He sighed. “I just did one tonight. Sent her packing, she’s probably still shouting dire threats of retribution, certain that she can come back from where I sent her. She can’t.”
“Can you do it for me?” She asked, jolting him more fully awake.
“What?”
“Can you grant me mortality, an endless cycle of birth, death and rebirth on the great wheel of the cosmos?” She asked firmly. “I thought I was clear.”
“Are you trying to get free of your bond with Kelli? I can do that without making you mortal.” He sighed sadly. “It’ll be tough to explain to her, but you were bound unwillingly.”
“NO!” She hissed, nearly waking the boy asleep in Gary’s arms. “No, I wish to perish with her, and experience mortal existence after so long watching from the outside…” She mumbled softly. “Most outsiders pretend to be truly ancient, born at the dawn of the cosmos… this is never true. I am… however, a very old being. I’m bored, bored of the empty void, drifting for aeons in hopes of some point of interest, however fleeting. Spending this time as a mortal, living in a linear timeline, experiencing new things and greeting familiar things anew each slightly different day is very pleasing.”
“That’s very mortal of you…” He mumbled with a smile. “I can make you mortal and leave your bond intact. That does mean that your life will end with your bond to Kelli. No one will be able to change that, especially not me. Think about it, let me know in the morning.”
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