Ch: 249 There’s A Bathroom On The Right
“Stay back Carlos… He may seem harmless, but he is a deadly foe, with no compunctions against murder.” Willow said quietly, as she led her prisoner off the trail to water and fertilize the shrubbery.
“Don’t be shy, mortal… you would murder me without a care, but are frightened I might see your penis?” She scolded the unnamed man. “Priorities, young human! You have them all fucked up!”
A few awkward minutes later, she shoved her captive back into camp. “Wash your hands… you mortals get ill easily when under stress!” The dryad fussed and bustled around the young man, finally she took his hands in hers and scrubbed all four together in the basin on the wagon. She handled him gently but briskly, as though he were a very young child, in need of instruction in the art.
She stood the embarrassed warrior up straight, adjusted his ragged and dirty clothes and smiled. “Behave, and you may just survive this journey…” She bussed him on the cheek, then sat him on the tail of the wagon, before climbing into his lap and making herself comfy.
Carlos and Jerry watched in amusement and some concern, as Willow invited herself and her prisoner along for the ride.
“You really mean to ride all the way to Wheatford with this person?” Jerry asked eventually… miles down the road.
“Certainly. Young Adam Belen asked me to speak to this man, after he rudely ignored their greetings on the road… Since he proved himself too dangerous to be left unattended, I have decided to step in.”
The ancient dryad sang happily, as she snuggled deeper in her prisoner’s robe with a smile.
“I wanted to experience incarnate life anyway. What better way than on a journey with friends and an inscrutable mystery man?” She swayed inside his robe, dancing in sheer delight at the passing scenery. “Road Trip!”
#
Gabbie woke with the first rays of the sun streaming in through the wide window box planter that seemed to encompass most of the room. The scents of fresh flowers were familiar, as were some of the herbs. The aroma of sun warmed soil, bursting with life, was shockingly new to the imperial nostrils.
Equally new was the scent of sun warmed skin and a stranger’s hair, spilled across her pillow. Warm slender arms encircled her, as two fulsome breasts heaved gently to the rhythm of Esperanza’s slow breathing.
Gabbie only vaguely remembered seeking her out and begging Esperanza to allow her into the captain’s soft bedding, deep in the night. Moved by an instinct she barely understood, a desperate need to have this strange woman near her; the empress was lost in feelings that were entirely new…
“You feel it, as this one does…” Ranza’s soft voice was less than a whisper, but as clear as the ship’s bell in the night. “We are kin, you and I… and some few others you may soon meet.”
The trader’s warm, moist breath washed over the empress’ neck with a prickle of pleasant and comfortable familiarity, as though she had known this woman all her life.
“Kin? We cannot be related, Ranza…” Gabbie answered softly, feeling the lie on her own lips, somehow. The trader only giggled softly and climbed from the bed, gloriously nude and shamelessly easy in her own bare skin.
“Rise sister, we have much to learn from and about each other… breakfast first!” Ranza chivvied the empress out of bed, poking and tickling her until she stood embarrassed and shy in her nightshirt, gasping and giggling along with her new sister.
Ranza watched her struggle with the spare clothes laid out for her: a mixture of Yusef’s pants, Mark’s shirt and what of Esperanza’s underthings would fit the tall, slim girl.
“This one will aid you in dressing yourself… but you should learn the art as quickly as you can. Nothing tells out a misplaced noblewoman more quickly than her dress and manner. This one will coach you in the ways of common people.” She whispered gently while helping the dusky young beauty crack the code on old fashioned bloomers.
“This one will wash your underthings and have them dry soon. Sadly, this unworthy’s panties are too scandalous for sweet young Gabbie.” She winked and flipped her skirts at her new sister, flashing an almost entirely bare bottom at the startled girl.
Ranza’s childish giggle of naughty glee sent Gabbie sprawling back on the bed, gasping with uncontrolled laughter, as the two sisters embraced.
George and ‘Auntie Ess’ stared in shock at the smiling, laughing pair that finally stumbled out together. Stern, self controlled, dour Gabriella, empress of uncounted loyal subjects, flopped down on the railing and sighed happily out over the sea.
“I feel that I have been deceived… none of you have bones through your noses or sharp filed teeth at all…” She mused. “I was always told that northerners wear animal skins…”
“Silly girl… This one pities the empire, so backwards and strange. There are some few who wear animal hides, but they dwell in cold and far northern climes, that’s just good sense, not a fashion choice!” Esperanza swatted her new sister gently on her shoulder, which nearly set ‘Auntie’ off like a firework.
George placed a hand on the woman’s shoulder and whispered harshly, when she tensed to spring at the confused sea captain.
Slow, spreading concern took over the sailor’s face as she looked anew at her passengers: Kermal Singh, cousin and squire to the duke of Port Clement, George of Healer, first physician of the Empire of Light and the mysterious Auntie Ess, a slim and dangerous looking warrior woman in common Adventure gear.
“You are no simple noblewoman, fleeing a political marriage…” Ranza purred dangerously. “I feel that much at least, but there is more hidden here.”
She stepped close to the empress and took a long, slow sniff. “You are kin, sweet Gabbie, whatever you say, this one needs only this. Dante! What is for breakfast?”
#
Shai woke with Becky and the kids all around; Gary had come to bed late, slept restlessly, without dreams and vanished before dawn again. With a sigh, she wriggled free of the tangle and slipped downstairs in a conjured robe. She found him sitting in the garden, by the big apple tree, playing his flute for a small swarm of black shadow animals and the figure of a shady, misty dogboy.
She watched from the kitchen window as she prepared breakfast. Her boy played his little friends off into the sunrise with soft music and a gentle smile of satisfaction behind his flute.
She waited a few minutes, before bringing him a mug of coffee and a sweet roll where he sat on the lawn.
“Tis done now? Hae ye some way tae track this cult sect, ere we depart these lands?” She asked gently, once he had his mug and plate on his lap. “We should smite them fer these workings.”
“Darruf and the bunny brigade already handled that. He said they planned on sacrificing some poor child to start it all over again…” He whispered.
“She’s safe with old man Arenjay, the cultists are… My buddy Darruf had some anger to work through. I doubt there’s enough left of them to identify.” Gary slapped his knees and stood, once his mug and plate were empty.
“What’s next?”
“Next we sail a short bit tae Port Sill, there we report tae the Adventure guild an the baron an buy some few supplies.” Shai murmured into his neck as she hugged him close.
“Salt an coffee, sumat of the soup kelp they hae here. I should like to look on the ocean as well… I do hear it kin be seen frae the far city wall.” She said the last offhandedly, with a wicked grin on her perfect, cherry candy lips.
Three hours after sunrise, they were on Moonrise; sailing for Port Sill, nine miles down the coast.
A tall, weathered mass of basalt loomed up from the Shallow sea, ending at a blunt, rocky promontory, overlooking the narrow straits that led to the open ocean. A lighthouse stood at the terminus, with her twin watching over the far side on a similar rocky point.
Beyond, between the two lighthouses, high rolling swells vanished in a dense bank of fog and mist, just beyond the protective mountains and the rift between, obscuring all.
Fifth bell was almost over, when they sailed under the lighthouse and into the sheltered bay inside Port Sill’s seawall. The town looked gray and grim, carved from hefty basalt blocks and crammed onto the feet of the castle, high up above the water.
Several small boats were lying at sea anchor outside port, waiting for the tide to turn; the why of it soon became evident. Waves and currents swirled unpredictably around the hull, requiring more attention and energy from the helm.
Shai cut the wheel hard and drew heavily on Gary’s Mana for the run into port. Moonrise bucked and rolled as she forged her way over chaotic, rolling swells and shot through the mouth of the bay, to cheers from a group of people loafing on the seawall with fishing poles.
Shai’s practiced hands landed them gently at a vacant pier in the public docks, disrupting the harbormaster’s teatime.
“Ya shot the harbor mouth at an ebb tide? That werz bold, brave or mad… yake yar pick.” He drawled. “Cargo, contract hauling or personal yacht?”
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“Personal vessel, we be ‘motor yacht’ Moonrise, of Adventure band Ginger Dreadnought.” Shai sang from the aft deck, while Tallum and Liam made them fast to the pier.
“Copper half ta moor a day or any part of. How long will ya stay in port?” He demanded curtly.
“We depart before dawn, as we’ve paid til then.” She dropped a copper half mark in his palm and brushed by him with a glare. “We dinnae care tae be interrogated.”
She nodded to Otho, seated at the head of the gangway. “Mind the ship. Security seems lax.”
A stream of young people trooped down the gangway and spread out through the town on their own errands. Gary, Shai and the kids skipped along the docks and began climbing the long, winding road up the bluff to the western side of town, overlooking the still unseen ocean.
Up the narrow, twisting lane the houses ended, just as they crested the steep road. Human habitation cut off right at the ridge line; beyond was all windswept stones, twisted and contorted trees and walking paths through desolate beautiful scrubland, right up to the edge of the world.
Beyond the half wild parkland at the foot of the castle walls, a low wall edged along the precipice, just over its two foot high curb a steep slope of mostly barren rocks and a few desperately clinging pines fell off into the surging waves far below.
Like a massive, thundering heartbeat each rolling breaker shook the world, sending spray and thunder into the sky. Shai gasped in wide wonder at her first glimpse of the surf, hammering at the stone below.
“How long does it do this, lad? Is this the ‘tides’ thing the harbormaster did speak of?” She whispered, hugging him and the kids close and trembling in the awed wonder of the moment.
“It never stops, love. Not til the shore is pounded to smooth sand… rocky could tell you more. He spent some time as a beach a few geologic ages ago…” Her fool whispered gently in her ear. His warm breath made her heart flutter, just as it always did…
The little family sat on the wall, enjoying tea and cakes while staring out over nature’s wild, untameable fury. Together, they strolled down through the little gray town, enjoying the occasional splash of colorful flowers. Wherever soil and sun collided, someone had a garden plot, flower pot or little fruit tree waiting to soak up the goodness.
Even rooftops got some action in the upper parts of town. Hanging gardens, rooftop orchards and tiny garden boxes made the town look like a forested mountain in miniature, oddly civilized and natural at the same time.
They found Dannyl on the way down, standing at an easel, sketching the town and its sheltered bay with a wide smile of pleasure on his face. That might have been related to the local girls who kept finding excuses to swan by his little overlook for a peek. No one believed that they were art lovers, come to admire his work, not even the beautiful young warrior. He did wear a particularly snug and well tailored outfit today…
When the family of weirdos jingled by, the artist quickly packed up his mobile studio, made the whole pile of gear vanish into a twinkling… somewhere… and followed along.
His guitar joined Shai’s hips and Gary’s mandolin before they made it a whole block down the lane.
“Don’t stop on our account bro…” Gary sang softly. “We’re still on vacation.”
The young ginger bard tinkled something sweet and windswept from his instrument… That was Otho’s influence, a snatch of some ancient hymn to Joy. “I was losing the light.” He murmured back.
“I’ve got it though, right up here.” He tapped his own noggin with an index finger, like he was testing a melon in the market and winked… He didn’t even drop the beat.
“Ye must see the ocean, Dannyl…” Shai whispered, still wide eyed and awestruck.
“I went up on the castle wall, while Liam and Tawny were meeting with the baron. That was… intense.” He looked a little awestruck too.
#
“So, it’s just gone, vanished like it came?” Lord Flizitz asked wearily. “No nasty surprises or lingering evil?”
“No, lord baron… The creature was not actually evil, simply…” Liam gave up after a long, awkward pause.
“The entity, Quizlaz was a person from another world, inimical to us and frightening by his nature. To be clear, as strange and frightening as the creature was to us…” Tawny paused as well, contemplating her words briefly. “He was simply a lost traveler from a distant land.”
“And an asshole, He was a huge asshole.” Becky supplied cheerfully.
Liam and Tawny struggled to contain their reactions to her outrageous faux pas. Liam’s disapproving giggle and Tawny’s surprised squawk were both drowned out by old lord Flizitz’ full throated guffaw of pure joy.
When things settled down a little and Tawny got her veil back in place, they tried to continue.
“With the entity dismissed, we turned our attention to the summoning ritual itself… Our expert is resting from his labors, so is unable to report to you directly.” Tawny spoke calmly and with clinical detachment from behind her veil.
“As to the exact outcome of the matter, the summoning was performed by a now extinct cult of demon worshipers.” Liam said smoothly, taking over for the rough parts. “Their exact identities and origins will remain a mystery, as there were no survivors.”
“No survivors, lad?” The baron asked sharply. “You’re young to deal so bloody handedly…”
“Pardon, lord Flizitz…” Liam interrupted gently. “The cult was undone by their own hands…” He smiled coldly for a heartbeat.
“There seems to have been a mishap at their latest summoning attempt. Reports suggest that there was not enough left for more than a rough estimate of their number. Whatever it was that they called, it seems to have been upset with them.”
“How many and what of the creature?” The baron demanded, with a worried look on his face.
“Twelve, my lord… roughly. The creature seems to have been some undead monstrosity composed of their prior victims.” Liam’s cold smile returned, then began to warm as he continued.
“It dispersed itself, once it finished with the rending and stomping. Our expert assures us of this.”
“I would meet this ‘expert’ sir Liam…” Flizitz began.
“Just Liam, my lord. I am a common Adventurer on contract.” He interrupted the lord once more.
“Our friend is very tired and must rest before we can call on him again, my lord. He is, however… quite reliable in these matters. The Ginger Dreadnought company stands by its services and works, my lord.”
“Very well… I will consider the matter closed.” The old baron looked over the trio of children before him and his insides roiled a little. Even if the girl was Belen’s daughter heir… “Where is your supervising journeyman? I would prefer to be debriefed by a qualified…”
“I am their supervising journeyman, my lord.” Tawny snapped, just a little crisply. “Moreover, we have two more full journeymen in the band. We are not children, my lord, despite appearances.”
“Very well, again, acolyte Tawny.” The baron replied in a frosty tone, at least as frosty as he dared get with the daughter of the duchess’ most powerful ally. Veil or no, this was a tangled mess. With delicate care, the baron subtly tapped a hidden foot lever under his desk, ringing a muffled bell in the watchroom nearby.
“I will consider the contract fully discharged.” He said calmly, as the clatter of armored boots rang on the stones of his hall.
“Emergency in the sewers, my lord! A pipe’s burst in the cellar!” A harried looking guard called out to the aged baron.
“Forgive me, Adventurers. The burdens of lordship call.” Lord Flizitz said unhappily.
He nodded to the young people, rose slowly to his feet and hobbled on his cane after the guard. “...it’s all over the place….”
#
Tawny and her escorts, Becky and Liam, departed the castle without further problems, leaving the harried old lord to his own sticky situation.
Back aboard moonrise they related what they knew of the stodgy lord’s misfortunes with delight, until Tallum and Shai started nodding and looking eager.
“Aye, might be some profit in this fer a pair of honest crafters wi access tae a mad witch…” She murmured. Come Tallum, let us see if’n we might shake more coin frae this lord ‘ere we leave.”
Shai grabbed Gary up from where he was lounging in a chair by the stove, while Otho and the kids goofed around on the floor. “Otho, watch the kids! Kids, we’re off tae work fer a mite!” She announced, while straightening Gary’s outfit.
“What’s going on?” He wondered idly, too busy enjoying being dusted off by his lady love to really be concerned.
“His lordship hae a plumbing problem, we shall squeeze some coin frae him fer a bit of honest craft an some of yer magics. Tis said tae be a stinky one!” She sounded really enthusiastic about what sounded like a sewer backup.
“I’m gonna need some tools…” Tallum rumbled, as he headed down into the hold.
“Nae… we shall bewitch this an solve it wi sneaky an sly means. Come lads, we hae work!” Shai seemed excited by the prospect.
“Hey… we wanna watch!” Amy was the ringleader, as usual. All three kids were sitting up and looking fussy, with bedtime closing in.
“Nae, tis a nasty business we go on, wi much doo-doo scattered about. Tis nae meet fer me precious ones tae wade in shite.” She nodded at Gary with satisfaction. “Ready, lad?”
“Hey?! Why do I get to ‘wade in shite’ and not your ‘precious ones’?” He demanded petulantly, with that silly grin hiding just around the corner of his lips.
“Cause ye are already a filthy beast of a man.” She answered sweetly, with a kiss.
#
“Ahh, the good old sewer line story… works every time.” Flizitz said smugly, over a roast chicken dinner and a bit of that sweet northern wine he loved so.
“Indeed, my lord. They left without further questions, and in some haste, we shan’t be troubled by them again.” Bernard murmured. “If I may, my lord, their youth aside, they seem to have been reliable in their dealings… Perhaps you should reconsider brushing them off. Reliable experts in… occult matters are difficult to find.”
“Surely not, they are children!” He insisted. “I am more than half certain this affair will end in some disaster. I wonder whether the duchess is…” He was interrupted by his new chamberlain, Kirrek; the fellow scampered in looking flustered and confused.
“My lord, there are three giants at the door… dangerous looking ruffians in workman’s garb! They claim to be…” He held up a small card and read. “Super Mario Brothers, plumbing contractors… my lord.”
“Super Mario Brothers…” Flizitz asked calmly. “Plumbing contractors?”
“Yes, my baron, Mario, Luigi and Toadstool, the card says, plumbers and Adventurers with the Ginger Dreadnought company.” Kirrek was clever, quick of mind and slight of build, the three ‘giants’ he led in were truly enormous… and dressed in the most unusual apparel.
The two men wore blue, bibbed trousers; the shorter of the two men in a red shirt the taller in green. Each wore a puffy cap in a matching color and white gloves of the finest bleached wormskin leather. The tall, ginger woman with them looked slightly awkward in her puffy pink ball gown and tiara, but she had a workmanlike air about her as well.
“I dinnae think I kin work in this…” She was muttering to the smiling man in red and blue.
“You look great, we’ll change before we get to work.” The slightly smaller giant answered cheerily. He looked over to the lord and grinned in a disconcerting way. “We’re here to offer our services with your plumbing troubles…”
“Oh, gods…” Flizitz mumbled softly.
#
“I still don’t understand the costumes…” Tallum rumbled, as they walked back to Moonrise in the gathering dusk.
“Sometimes I just do it to entertain myself…” He answered lamely, while Shai swished her poofy skirts and made her bells sing.
“Aye, perhaps a dress like this might be fun, frae time tae time…” She murmured happily, not really paying attention to the boys.
“I can’t believe he made up a shitspill just to end an awkward meeting…” Gary complained in quiet admiration. “That’s shitty!” His foolish giggle rang off the stones of the town as they made their way home.
They came back to the warm, yeasty aroma of fresh bread, filling the boat. Ivy and Becky pulled loaves from the oven while, Dannyl whipped honey into a crock of butter. Tawny lounged by the stove with the kids, with Liam sitting beside her playing his guitar softly.
“Ok, this be better than any paying job.” Shai sighed happily as she went into their cabin to change.
Gary did the Wonder Woman twirl and landed on a galley chair in his usual green and brown workman’s clothes. Poor Tallum grumbled about costume changes and wandered off as well, tugging on his spiffy white gloves as he went in search of normal clothes.
“Let’s sail for home after dinner, gang. I wanna feel settled, at least for a while.” Gary murmured around a slice of warm bread, dripping with melted honey and butter. “Life on the road is just too taxing…”
#
Under a waxing half moon, a ship beat against the low swells of the Shallow Sea, heading northeast at some speed. Her sails were filled and taut, as she hurtled over the waves, driven on by and racing the wind, followed by a ghostly green-gold shimmer behind them.
Gary sat at the helm, steering by far more moonlight than most sailors would enjoy on such a foggy night. The radiant glow of his own moon lit the sea for his less normal senses, guiding the way home.
“Home…” He muttered softly, glancing to his left. Shai was asleep in a hammock nearby, wrapped in a blanket and tapping her toes, like always. All three kids and Becky were piled in as well, so there was no room for him… but somebody had to steer the ship anyway.
The lights of Port Clement drifted by on their starboard, her lighthouse shining through the dense bank of fog. Her foghorn sounded long and low, rolling over the waves as the first tinge of dawn’s pink light began to color the east.
#