Ch: 198 The Grass Is Always Greener
Jules and Grace were ‘holding it down’ as their new friend like to say. Julius was on Belen’s fine piano, trying his hand at ‘Sweet Georgia Brown’, with duchess Sheng accompanying on her splendid new flute. Jaspreet, Abed, Leo and Celeste were swaying together in the intimate little music room, having a very intimate evening.
Lucius Holloman sat at the tea table, chatting with Gunnar Singh and Otho, while Naiomi shared a plate of tiny cakes with baroness Lakshmi.
“I must confess, I miss the madman and his sweet Shai, the local dance scene has improved vastly in the last few months!” The aggressively handsome barber cooed with excitement. “These new musical forms and dance moves he brings out of her are too delicious to resist…” The musical duo had drifted into something tropical and rhythmic, with the aid of a little drumming from one of the idle servants. “Mistress Shenko! You play the doumbek? I had no idea!” Celeste gasped in delight.
A moment later, Jaspreet found herself without a partner, as Gunnar took Abed for a joyful samba across the dance floor together. Duke Holloman saved the day, with a proffered hand. He was no great dancer, but she was new at this one too.
A short while later, when they were all recovering on the settee and in the chairs scattered around, Gunnar murmured in frustration.
“Even the sharpest gossips can’t get a hint of which way the ducal council is leaning… the speculation is growing more fevered every day. I won’t ask you to reveal anything to me, or anything specific… but without an occasional minor leak, the stories can become untethered from reality.”
“Oh,? Do tell, I love a fanciful tale!” Jules sang happily, still tinkling on the piano.
“Very well, The most prominent rumor is that a team of council observers are following Tawny and her team of oddities into the wilderness, to confront something dark. Either that, or that you are secretly planning to form an army of madmen to take over the twelve duchies. Both are equally unbelievable.”
“Ahh, well, people will speculate…” Julius muttered nervously.
“Certainly, no wise and honorable body of just rulers would send a team of children to combat evil in the wilderness, simply to discover more about their talents and abilities.” Gunnar said mildly to the room.
“Now Gunnar… the council’s activities are secret for a reason…” Celeste began, gently but firmly.
“I’m not questioning the secrecy, I’m wondering why a band of children is facing a demon in the wilderness to the north, rather than the forces of your esteemed graces.” He asked with a distinct lack of jollity.
“I have absolute faith in them.” Julius sang over his gentle sonata in E minor. “They will return victorious, but more importantly, they will return. After that, we can figure out the rest.”
“They are still children, under the law… and they brought those babes with them, into whatever is lurking there!” The barber lost much of his cool reserve, drawing a sharp glance from mistress Shenko.
“Gary assured me that they will be perfectly fine. There is a team of veterans along and most of the observers are veteran knights themselves.” Julius soothed the angry esthetician.
“Because ‘Gary assured you’, that makes it acceptable to send children to face a peril many knights would flee?” He grumbled, nearly mussing his hair in the depths of his agitation. “Most days Gary can barely dress himself… I love the poor boy, but he’s a wreck.”
“We will have to arrange for you to watch them in action.” Leo rumbled from the depths of a wing chair. “He is more capable than you suspect.”
Celeste took over for her husband, hoping to soothe her stylist. “The conservatives proposed this crucible, believing that we would balk at the idea… letting them ‘force us’ into accepting their proposal is a trap that will clamp on their backsides very soon.” She frowned slightly and continued.
“I also dislike the risk of it, but the council was going to vote to send them either way. No doubt many are hoping that they will not return, solving this thorny issue for them.”
The duchess spun her flute in her slender fingers with a happy, confident smile. “Poor Gunnar, we cannot reveal council secrets, but I can tell you that as of last night, they were all safe and well. They have already made contact with their foe and defeated their forces once. Gary remains very confident of victory.” Grace Sheng said happily. “That information comes from my Angie… and her strange connection to high priestess Becky and the children.”
Her smile widened as she raised the instrument back to her lips, preparing to rejoin Jules in a lovely fugue in G. “I will receive a fresh report from my agent in the morning, join me for breakfast and you will hear what she has to say, even as I do.”
“I accept, your grace, thank you. Now let’s get our blood pumping again.” He took a still breathless Lakshmi by the hand and began twirling her slowly around the room, following the music.
#
“Yes, just follow the music, you big dummy.” Gary whispered, behind his screaming guitar. Liam and the girls had the vocals handled.
Wash away my trouble, wash away my pain,
With the rain of Shambala!
Wash away my sorrow, wash away my shame,
With the rain of Shambala!
It was the extended howling Liam couldn’t resist; the guy was a sucker for a good open throated wail.
Ah, ooh ooh oo oo ooh ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Ah, ooh ooh oo oo ooh ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
The towering construct wasn’t dancing to their tune, it was far too ponderous to manipulate that way, but the multitude of zombies inside it? They were vibing hard. She kept firing her undead bullets at the team, but Gary had her number. A shadow musician was following each member, haunting their living shadows and waiting to intercept any undying ammunition that came along.
She was far too slow to catch them among the many stone monuments and buildings scattered around the necropolis. Each one provided cover for her fast moving foes and a tripping hazard for her; a fall would be devastating to the creature’s enormous body.
Dannyl was still flinging arrows at it from time to time, creating short lived puffs of exploding corpse dust. These weren’t infected with an intoxicating fungus, just normal decomposers.
Gary used his gift to pull his band a little tighter and shouted to Dannyl:
“Do It!”
A moment later a blunt practice arrow cracked into the ceramic crock, balanced atop an ornamental garden lantern. It tumbled over and shattered on the stone pavers below, releasing an enormous, inky black cloud of swarming bees.
The madman pulled his band into a wild and frenetic ‘Flight Of The Bumblebee’, pulling the swarm into a buzzing, aggressive mass. An unliving shadow swarm, aimed at the gigantic, moving citadel monster.
“Fly! Fly my pretties!” He cackled and wailed over his instrument’s thunderous noise.
#
The watchers on the city wall gasped in unified horror and confusion, when a huge cloud of dark black insects rose in a glittering swarm, darting arrow swift, directly into the open skull mouth roaring its fury into the sky. In a second or two, every dark flying speck was gone, vanished into that gaping maw of obscene, howling rage.
“What’s happening? It stopped moving?” Emma asked, peering into the slowly lowering sun. “It stopped shouting at least…”
“Liam, report.” Khan snapped into his collar button. A few seconds later, he got a gasping reply.
“He released a swarm of his ghost fragments on the creature… now you know as much as I.” The young warrior responded crisply. “I’ve lost sight of him, but I hear his guitar still.”
“Everything is under control… I swear.” Gary’s voice broke in. “We popped the cork on a jar of me, now she’s infested with Gary, the poor thing.”
“Gary, please get off this device, didn’t I take away your earcuff and collar button last night?” Liam scolded him gently.
“You can’t just take away my comms items and expect me to stay off the channel… I made a new set last night.” He giggled madly as he signed off, for now.
Back at the inn, concerned listeners were huddled around the harmonium, as Luna narrated on a separate channel.
“They cracked open that big jar he carries around… a swarm of… a swarm came out and buzzed right into her open mouth…”
Amy giggled and made silly choking and gagging noises, to entertain Wilf… He looked pretty upset and concerned. Rio was lying on his tummy, idly tapping on the fireside rug, with a happy smile on his face. “Gary sends many to see Santa Muerte today, he will be very silly tonight.”
“Wait a moment.” Tallum said nervously. “Was that the contents of his weird ‘ghost hive’? I thought it would be bad if that broke…”
“Yeah, I think it was.” Ivy answered softly. “He said if it broke he would…” She smiled and coughed awkwardly. “He’s definitely going to be ‘silly’ but that’s Shai’s problem.” The tiny blonde mage whispered to her giant man, who blushed bright red and giggled childishly…
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“Where be Gary? I dinnae see him, nor hear his music! Get eyes on that lad!” Shai barked into her collar button.
“I’m fine. I’m hiding in a mausoleum on the west side meditating… kinda. My shadows are inside her temple and slowly taking over, but she’s resisting the inevitable.” He whispered softly across the communications array.
“There’s a wight hiding in here too, it’s a twofer. Keep her distracted while I take care of this one.”
“Dinnae move til I be there boy, dinnae start aught alone!” Shai snapped, keying in on his location now that she had a clue. “I sense thee now, I’m coming.”
“Ok babe, I’ll wait… the poor thing is absolutely terrified and cowering in the corner though.” He whispered gently. His voice came back again a moment later, more soft and even gentler, as though speaking to someone nearby, rather than into his device.
“It’s ok hon, I’m just going to… oops.” He chuckled ruefully. “Sorry Shai, she slipped into my shadow… it’s pretty bloated right now.”
Shai sprinted from one crypt to another, dashing across open spaces boldly, while the titanic building skelly was standing still and pawing at its own gigantic head in a panic.
At last, she found the one she sought; a small granite pile, with marble and jadeite obelisks all around. No sensible creature would be stepping on that one, now that it had discovered pain.
Shai slipped around to the door and found it completely filled with shadowstuff. The hazy immaterial cloud bulged out through the shattered door, extending in a low, undulating mound, as far as the shade of the crypt reached. “Gary…?” She whispered into the pulsing darkness.
“Come on in love… it’s just my shadow. I’m fine.” He didn’t sound fine, he sounded like he had eaten too much and was barely staying awake. She shrugged and dipped in through the shade filled doorway into a cool, dark tomb. The small structure contained a single huge sarcophagus and an impressively decorated stairway leading down.
He was sitting on the top step, swaying side to side, following the music of Shai’s bells and the others still playing outside.
“There are way more bodies and ghosts than you would ever believe. They go on for miles below ground, or they did. Now they are all being used as mecha parts by the towering GunDumb, outside. Sorry, you won’t get that pun, lover. It was pretty weak anyway.”
She sniggered at his enormously fat shadow, bulging and rippling like an obese ghost, with flatulence. As he got to his feet, puffs of shade kept popping off of the main body with a soft, wet noise that made her smile stupidly.
“We gotta end this before we get too silly to move around. Watch my body for a minute, while I go inside her temple.”
“Should ye send yer shadow in there? She must hae some ability tae influence such.” Shai muttered unhappily.
“Babe, I have so much surplus shadow right now I can barely move.” He smiled and lay down on top of the huge stone coffin in the center of the room, a moment later he was gone. The body remained, breathing and hanging around but no one was home…
#
He appeared in a swirling cloud of his own bee swarm, which had been flowing rapidly down every hall and corridor in the skull temple for a few minutes now. Most of his flying friends were buzzing around down below in the body of the thing, giving him a sense of what was allowing the structure to animate.
Satisfied with the general idea of what was happening, he followed the swirling, circulating bees deeper into the skull. leering, fleshless faces jeered and chattered mindlessly from the walls as he approached. Grasping clawed hands and even ropey and dried up strands of entrails reached out from the building and sought to impede his passage. They flailed, grasped, scolded, then all fell still and silent, after he passed them by with hardly a glance.
Every abomination and wretched unliving thing his shadow touched, found peace and stillness at last.
At the end of a long, spiraling maze he found what he sought, a small chamber with an altar in its center. The one room his bees were unable to enter; he stepped up to the doorway and pantomimed knocking.
“Hellooo Graveon calling… is the lady of the house interested in a makeover?” He sang in a cheery, quavering, feminine falsetto at the door.
On the altar sat a heavily inscribed humanoid skull, inlaid with precious stones, gleaming metals and artfully crafted bone horns. It was mounted on a golden idol’s elegant and beautiful shoulders, the sculpture ending just above what was shaping up to be, a very nice bustline..
“Begone mortal filth! Your shade cannot enter my sanctum! You have no power in this chamber!” She shrieked.
“Yeah, my shadow can’t… What are you gonna do when my body gets here? I’ll just walk in, put my fingies in your eyesockets and pick you up like a bowling ball.” He said with a dark and spooky grin. To be fair, a shadow face can really only do dark and spooky.
“Your body will be crushed and pulped into a sodden mess! After I have scraped it from my feet, I will devour your living toys, one by one. Their death screams and remnant flesh will serve me, as I leave this blighted valley, seeking more flesh!”
“Ahh… so that was the plan.” He said with satisfaction. “My new friend Marceline said she had been frightening small groups and wandering explorers away from you for centuries… intercepting any prey that might come along. You must have been starving all this time.” He chuckled darkly, a sinister laugh filled with menace and the promise of unpleasant things.
“I really should have worked on that laughing thing…” She complained sourly.
“Come on, the laugh is basic… Face it, you aren’t cut out for this.” He sighed and leaned on the doorjamb. As I see it, you have two choices. Flee back into the void and think about what you want to do with your immortality, or stay here and contest with me. You will lose more than you know, if you choose option two.”
“I have heard whispers, in the void. Whispers that someone slew Skrigg and Istyrithiassis, the slug. It is said that you stole their immortality somehow. You will find I have a tighter grip on mine, mortal fool.” She sneered.
“Yet, I detect fear in your voice. That is the other sensation you’re feeling. Pain is the response of a mortal being when harmed. Fear is your body telling you that more pain is coming… I have so much more to teach you…” He sighed happily.
“You mortal filth, what could you instruct me in?” She demanded, empty sockets flashing with rage.
“Here’s another one… I lied a minute ago, you really only have one way out; through me. A lie is when a mortal tells someone a thing that is not true, in order to deceive them.” He smiled again, sending a chilly sensation down her spine… which was a neat trick.
“I decided to keep you here, when you launched undead children and their pets at me… that’s a hard line and you crossed it.” He sneered at the skull reliquary. “I only came in to see if you were worth any effort, I’m done here.”
He turned and began drifting down the hall, leaving her curses and insults behind. “See you soon.”
#
“She’s got four shadow wights left, pretty strong ones too. They are occupying the thing’s limbs and animating the collected bones to control it and make it move.” He winked at Shai and grinned. “Just like weekend at Garys!”
“Can ye interfere wi them? Bring her tumbling down?” She asked.
“Better than that, I can manipulate them! Because the wicker man, it’s full of bees!” Gary seemed inordinately proud of that for some reason. “Nick Cage is gonna be remembered… I swear it!” He grumbled to himself.
“Aye, boy, I’m sure it… or he will… or somethin of the like…” She kissed him gently and swatted his cheeks. “We still hae a monster outside…” She stopped and listened, no more thundering footfalls, no deafening shouted obscenities or dire promises of suffering were coming through the door. All was quiet.
“Confirmed, it’s stopped… Gary, Shai, was that you?” Liam’s voice on the comms was insistent and urgent.
“Yeah, that was us, she’s contained for now, don’t approach.” Gary called into his device. “Stand by please, important ritual magic stuff...”
When he finished kissing her thoroughly and going for a little over the armored chainmail vest action, he continued his explanation.
“She’s puppeting them with the help of her controlled shadows, while her reliquary holds her essence and forms the head…” He sighed sadly and shook his own head.
“It’s time to end this shitty episode of undead Voltron, before she tries to ‘Form Blazing Sword’ and embarasses herself further.”
“I hae no earthly clue whae ye do mean, but ye kiss me like that an I’ll nod an agree wi thee.” She cooed happily.
“That is exactly the attitude that is gonna save this sad, sad world, love. Bank on that.” He kissed her once more, for good luck, adjusted his codpiece carefully and started pulling his bloated, squirming shadow out the door.
They walked together, out into the shattered and defiled necropolis, into the shadow of the titanic bone construct. It stood there, still as a hideous statue in the early evening sun.
A look of concentration crossed Gary’s face as his shadow disgorged its occupants back into the ridiculous mountain of animated bones. All manner of flying and crawling things vanished into the pile of bones, soaking in like that blue liquid in a feminine product commercial.
Slowly the thing came back to unlife, its body lowering itself to the earth, in a controlled and relaxed manner. It slowly spread out, disintegrating into individual skeletons and disjointed piles of remains. Skeletons grabbed their boney arms full of their kin and neighbors, who were less intact and shuffled off to their graves without a backward look, as the structure disassembled itself.
Mummies entangled huge collections of loose bones in their prehensile wrappings, dragging them back into the crypts below with quiet, dusty dignity.
Shades and ghosts continuously poured out of the open crypts below, darting into the colossus’ rapidly diminishing shadow.
Before the sun touched the highest remaining portion of the city wall, only the skull temple remained, now standing on the barren earth. The building’s shadow writhed like a living thing, stretching out to the group of living… to Gary really. It had the aspect of a playful kitten reaching for a trusted companion, rather than a devouring threat.
“That is creepy!” Becky whispered on the comms channel.
“Stifle that chatter.” Liam called. “Form up, we’re making entry. Gary, take point, Shai back him up. Gary, what can we expect in there?”
“Oh… Imagine someone trying really hard to be scary and evil… But They don’t understand those concepts, on like.. a basic level. It’s all corny, cheesy and over the top… and that’s coming from me. She is a dangerous and potent being in her own right, don’t get me wrong.” He paused for a moment, disconnecting his communication items with a flex of his mana.
He turned to his beloved and spoke very softly. “It’s almost like I was custom built to handle demons, outsiders and spiritual threats of all kinds… There are some gods who are going to face some tough questions tonight Shai.”
“Aye, perhaps I begin tae see it as well. Nae here, nae now, lad.” She whispered.
He jumped back into the comms channel and picked up his dropped thread. “Nothing really dangerous is left, just a few minor scavengers and creepy crawlers. Stay behind me and don’t get lost, it’s a maze in there.” He chuckled happily.
“If you get lost, follow your shadow, it will lead you back.”
#
Liam’s voice came over the other chanell, for the observers and the folks back at the inn. “We are going in, observers, you may approach, do NOT enter without instruction or a guide.”
“Oh, he’s strict!” Emma giggled, drawing a frown from Pangbourne, just as she’d hoped. “We’ll follow your lead, master Khan.” She sang merrily.
“Home team, prepare to move out. Wait for our word but be ready to move.” Liam’s firm and no nonsense voice flowed from the harmonium, bringing sighs of relief to the listeners.
The littlest Adventurers suited up in their armor and drew the weapons they knew best. Drum, for Rio, a uke slung on Amy and Wilf on flute, the tiny trio was ready for whatever came. As long as it was snacks… there had better be snacks.
#
The halls were lined with undead, staring eyes… though they kept their hands to themselves and seemed to be waiting for something, rather than doing the whole ‘swallow your soul’ thing at the moment. “I’m haunting these halls… this is her prison, not her temple, now.” He muttered calmly. “Don’t upset the dead, they’ve been through enough already. Shai, can you give me a little Vivalde? Spring, if you would… just follow the bouncing ball.”
An eyeblink later, a chubby, balding ghost with a shadow trumpet had the opening bars of expectant, joyous music ringing down the bone halls…
Within a few steps, the undead in the walls were swaying along and rattling their bones in time. The maze walls parted before the whistling, stomping youngsters, and their ghostly bandleader. Satchmo strolled along, opening the way to the center of the ossuary temple with his wild, heartbreaking trumpet.
Gary stopped at the same doorway, with a smile on his face. The skull on the altar sat on its golden neck, looking somehow sullen and defiant.
“I gave you a number of chances, more than you deserved. Even at the end you were foolishly obstinate. Now you will lose something that so many mortals have sought.” He smiled wide and stepped inside the chamber. “You wanted to roll the bones, looks like I won the prize.”
As promised, he hooked a couple fingers into her empty, pearl ringed eyesockets and lifted her skull off the golden stand.
“Oh, a thumb hole too.” He popped his thumb into a convenient skull aperture and carried her out of the building like a bowling ball; after Pocketing! the golden idol with a cheeky wink. “Loots!” He sang happily.
#
“I’ve suppressed her aura, so she can’t speak. Trust me, she has nothing worth listening to.” He said calmly, with an ornate demon skull on his hand.
“I’d rather hear it please.” Emma asked, as the entire team strolled toward the center of the necropolis. No one stayed to watch the skull temple samba its way back into a multitude of empty graves. It was a distressingly entertaining sight, but chilling as well. The entire group took a hard pass on that one.
“I’m keeping her bottled up until I’m ready to take the next step. Demons are pernicious, because the only thing they have in common with mortals is a passion for deal making and transactional exchanges.” He snorted in derision. “She’s desperate and has only just begun to understand her position.”
On the former site of the ossuary temple, at the broken bell tower, Gary stopped and smiled. “Yup, right here. The home team is on the way here. Shai, let’s get home set up before I pass out…” He yawned and smiled at the same time stretching some face muscles he didn’t know he had.
“Maximum area please… go ahead and drain me dry, I won’t be good for anything tomorrow anyway.”
He strummed his guitar into the opening of ‘Fanfare For The Common Man’ and dropped his gift over them like a blanket.
#
Tallum took the front, with Ivy and Otho ranging out, scouting. The two young grooms, Pete and Chet, were armored and walking on the flanks, while the kids and Emma’s maid rode the pony cart into the shattered, timeworn city.
Pangbourne’s squire and Hamish’s valet were lightly armored and carrying spears in a businesslike manner as they passed through empty streets and followed the tracks of the others.
A few minutes brought them to the necropolis gate and into sight of the column of steam that marked their home. The wide greensward began at the wall between the dead city and the city of the dead, spreading over the whole tumbled and broken landscape. Moss, fungus and grasses pushed up between pavers and covered the churned grave soil and crypts of home.
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