Ch: 110 Foggy Mountain Breakdown
They slipped out at first bell, after everyone on the Adventure compound was headed to the dining hall. Before they left the gate, the house blew away on drifting steam and fog, leaving a lovely bed of soil behind.
Hooves and cart wheels were muffled by the thick chewy fog. It slapped against the children’s faces, making them giggle. The little finks had no idea how the mist tasted to the locals, outside their bubble of fresh air.
Esperanza rode the cart, enjoying the novel sensation of riding on wheels. In the same foggy meadow, tied to the same pier, sat Esperanza the boat. Falco popped up on his fluke and chirped a happy greeting, while skittering backwards across the still waters.
Gary and Shai conjured the house, in order to bring Seahorse out onto the little bay. “Last chance for pit stops or snacks for a while kids.” Gary sat and strummed his banjo while the kids ran inside to pee… again.
“Predictable as the tides… consistent as gravity.” He muttered to himself.
Esperanza and her crew found Seahorse fascinating. They clambered over the tidy craft inspecting the woodwork and lack of rigging with deep interest.
“No sails, nor oars… does someone have a propulsion gift? Or is mighty Falco meant to tow the whole flotilla?”
“That depends… who’s gonna be the admiral of this navy? Captain Esperanza of the ship so nice they named her twice? Or the dread pirate Shai…” Gary jumped slightly and rubbed his backside, where his woman pinched him. “...who has my unconditional support in all things.”
A tiny cough shattered the foggy morning, somehow filling the meadow and bouncing off the water. Amy stood in her ridiculous pirate hat and warm ‘Elsa’ dress, with one foot on the fore rail of Seahorse and smiled down on the grownups and near grownups.
“Admiral Amy says we should set sail…” Becky announced from the tiller’s bench. Wilford and his new brother rattled a martial tattoo on their bongos, seated at the bow and staring expectantly.
“Aye aye admiral… If the lovely captains would please board.” Both women shot Gary looks that were both annoyed and amused as they boarded their craft.
“Don’t worry ladies, Luna has that cultivating look in her eye.. I think Falco and the guys are gonna be taking the day off.” Becky smarted off from a seat at the bow with all three little ones.
Yusef was already tossing his bowline to Liam, who made it fast to a sturdy cleat on Seahorse.
“Really… I’m supposed to tow Esperanza too?” The boy complained, but he took a seat on the deck and slowly assumed a shallow meditative state.
“Take it easy at first, captain Shai. He complained, but only a little.” Luna grinned and mounted Camilia, while Khan and Annie got the others ready to trot. “See you at lunchtime kids!”
#
Captain Shai did not take it easy, she got the larger boat underway with gentle pressure on the magical engine. She poked it with her will and a thread of Gary’s magic, gradually drawing more and more. Within a mile or two, she had both vessels slipping through the wavelets faster than the shore party was cantering.
Dannyl and Becky were collaborating to introduce Liam to bluegrass picking as the captain bashed the tiny wavelets to pieces with Seahorse’s bow. Frisky and upbeat music scattered across the waves as they powered along.
The new kid climbed into his lap and got comfy while Gary was being slowly drained of every scrap of energy by the ruthless pirate queen.
“You like Rio best huh? You got it. You know you belong to us now, right? We are a family now, even this awful woman at the helm.”
Shai reached down and ruffled his flyaway hair fondly. “Yer fer powerin the boat, nae talking.” She punctuated that soft, breathy whisper with a flick to his ear and a giggle.
“Wait til you have to start this… I’ma be so mean to you…” He cooed up at his woman, leaning back on her knees while she steered the two vessels.
“Aye, sure’n you will.” She scoffed down at him. “More likely, we shall find a way tae make ye do it for me, for I do hae thee thoroughly under my spell.” Her cruel laughter startled the batlizards perching in Esperanza’s rigging.
#
Herlick and Bannock opted to ride, enjoying the spring sunshine and even, level roads. The music from the boat constantly uplifted their spirits… and their alleged ‘stamina and mana pools’ if the mad boy was to be trusted. Certainly the ride left only a pleasant feeling of having had a productive day and warm, limber muscles.
They worked up a good sweat on the occasional rises in elevation and when they left the range of the invigorating music, to cross a bridge or ford. A short and idyllic break on a sandy beach inlet for lunch and they were back on the road, aiming to reach Port Clement by nightfall. Otho the dog and Falco the dolphin had a fine romp up and down the shore, burning off some energy.
The fog was just rising when they nosed into Port Clement’s harbor and returned to the familiar meadow by the docklands. An actual pier had replaced the rickety plank and pole arrangement they had left behind, nothing grand, their bamboo poles were replaced with cypress pilings and a deck of local redwood.
Both vessels made fast as the shore party came into view. “Able and Maisie like me…” Becky sighed happily. “I told em we’d be back.”
“A fine little dock, with a pleasant meadow. Will they allow Esperanza to trade here?” The merchant asked, eyeing their proximity to the market gate. “Clement’s docklands are crowded, Falco dislikes the noise.”
Becky hopped onto the pier and collected Dannyl and Liam to accompany her by simply grabbing their hands. “We’ll go ask.” Just like that the trio were off in the mist.
Gary and Shai bowed to each other, she drew her violin and he, his mandolin… one acoustic folk rendition of ‘Battle of Evermore’ later, the inn was steaming and glowing in the fog.
The young emissaries returned, with the smiling Knubbels in tow. “Welcome, be our guests!” Maisie called, pushing past her husband, using her swollen midsection to gently shove him aside. “So happy to have you back again!” She bustled right past everyone and into the bath.
Able blushed and toed the grass with his boot. “Her time’s close… she hasn’t shut up about floating in your pool in three days.”
Tawny nodded solemnly and strolled after the vanished woman. “Mistress Knubbel, follow me to the private bath… it’s much more tranquil…”
Shai bustled after, as another very pregnant woman came to the gate, looking about nervously. Liam mutely pointed after the slow moving women and nodded. Moments later another appeared, helped along by a young man with a hopeful smile.
“Mistress Maisie said that there was a soothing bath here…” He murmured, while fidgeting with his coin pouch.
“Head on in, join the party.” Gary grinned and handed Abel his pipe. “It’s ladies’ night in the private baths… Gentlemen… to the common room! I have new concoctions to try.”
#
Gary was no great dinker, nor a brewer; beyond what his slim manuscript on alchemy provided. What he did have was a documentary about historical beer, wine and distilling. He watched it on the net, while bored and laid up, now it was stored in his mind to be referenced in his sleep. Along with a deep and profound store of advertisements with all their many and various claims about brewing methods.
He sorted through all the marketing garbage and experimented where there was enough info; now a selection of conjured steel kegs waited behind the bar.
“We've got two hard ciders, apple and grenadier, mead, red wine, lager, stout and a winter wheat ale.”
He started pouring and passing them around the slowly growing cluster of nervous folks. Most of the women disappeared into the private baths for whatever it is women get up to when men aren’t around.
#
“We will be in town for a few more days, by all means if I am near when your time comes, it would be my pleasure to deliver little Franklin Knubbel.” Tawny smiled happily. “A new soul emerging into the world, what could give more joy?”
“The making of them is not half bad either…” Maisie giggled, a euphoric expression on her face as she floated in the hot, fizzy water. That started giggles and chatter among the assembled goodwives and young women in the pool.
Becky was in the corner, managing a small flotilla of infants, with Her younger siblings’ assistance. No fewer than eight very pregnant women were bobbing around like corks, with a pair of local midwives and Tawny circulating among them. The rest of the pool was filled almost to capacity by elders, young mothers and women well on the way to becoming young mothers themselves.
“I shall have to talk to Gary about doing this regularly at home… I am mildly annoyed that I did not think of it myself.” Tawny whispered when she passed by Becky.
“Don’t ask, just do it. He’ll feel bad that you felt you needed to ask, he’s kinda complicated… for a man.” That sparked more giggles and anecdotes, at least until Liam and Dannyl came in, bearing trays of tea and cakes.
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The two men were relieved of their burdens and chased out by Shai, wielding a comically flimsy and wispy broom conjured for the purpose.
“This tea is a concoction of ours… Blackberry leaves, blossoms and dried blackberries, mallow, bergamot and duskmoon blossoms.” She sipped the fragrant, dark purple tisane and sighed with pleasure. “It gives restful sleep and eases cramps, nursing mothers will find it eases many of your troubles, we have a packet of the blend for each of you.”
Appreciative and pleased murmurs floated in the steam as the tea made its rounds.
“Many temple trained healers neglect herb lore, I’m pleased you are taking an interest… Perhaps I could tour your garden?” An aged but very active woman said.
Grandmother Gina, midwife and venerable elder of the market ward had the kind of gentle, but firm tone that just caused obedience. A warm aged voice that reeked of wisdom and ‘you’d best listen’ vibes, without being bossy.
“My Liam will be pleased to share with you, he would no doubt love to see your garden and facilities…” Tawny sighed and settled farther into the water. “He can’t resist a garden.”
While they conferred, the lovely miniature blooming plum tree in the corner shivered, as a large green and purple stick insect clambered from its tiny boughs. Somehow a two foot insect climbed out of a ten inch tree and slipped into the water unnoticed.
“Tell me, Becky Druidling Ward… how do you tell when these are ripe?” Plumeria asked, fondling Maisie’s swollen tummy, her segmented eyes somehow wide with awe.
Maisie opened her eyes when the soft clicking and chattering sound began, from something in the pool near her. The sight of a large, green and purple stick insect floating beside her and caressing her abdomen with its bug legs, made the pool erupt in a panic.
#
Gary was leaning on the bar looking a little goofy. “Hey… you been drinking this stuff?” Dannyl asked, jostling him gently.
“Nahh… It’s having all those pregnant women in the private bath. The gods and spirits are kinda having a field day. Plumeria isn’t helping.” He murmured, in blissful relaxation.
“Plumeria isn’t here Gary, are you ok?” He shook his brother again making his head wobble.
“Oh, she’s here… nobody can hide from me in my house… except Xyll.” His bat friend swooped from a shadow in the rafters and perched on his shoulder, chipping in unknown frequencies.
“What’s that girl? Trouble in the bath? No surprise there….” He listened to the shadow on his shoulder for a moment with concern and then glee.
“Abel… you’re gonna be a father tonight, little Franklin is on his way, with a little help from a very special friend. A dryad of the summer court is helping deliver your son. Makes me think of the great heroes of old.” The giddy musician burbled happily. “Franklin Knubbel, remember that name guys…”
A parade of green robed women exited the private bath and immediately invaded the public pool. “Liam, come help… we have our hands full in here.” Tawny’s voice floated over the hedge of bamboo, drawing the young warrior away like a moth to a bug zapper.
#
Twilight came and went, as did eighth bell. Finally, a few minutes after the last doleful note of the bell, another vibration resounded.
In a single breathless moment, a vast sensation of immense joy blew through the inn, shaking it to its foundation, without jostling a single blossom in the garden. In a flash it was gone, though the sensation resonated on and on in the bones of everyone in the house.
Shai came staggering out an hour and a half later, looking exhausted and blissed out. She sank down beside Gary on the couch and curled up close. “That be a feeling unlike any other…” She murmured softly into his shoulder.
“We were kinda distracted and busy when Amy and Wilford were born… feeling a soul bloom inside us is really something…”
“Aye, bloom indeed, tis a human Animus unfolding and spreading fer the first time, marvelous.” Her warm breath on his shoulder brought thoughts of bedtime to mind. Becky already was passed out on the other side of the couch, Gary rose gently and tucked Shai in with her.
“I’m putting our little ones to bed. Prolly gonna be a full house tonight.” He wandered off to find the kids, while she mumbled something that sounded like approval.
Gary found the kids in the public bath, helping Liam corral a small shoal of swimming infants and toddlers. The little squirts were wily and slippery and had figured out that it was impossible to drown in the pool. The musician sat on a conjured bench and watched the show for a while.
Wilford was dutifully helping Liam catch the slick, wiggling urchins. Amy and Rio seemed to spend most of their time facilitating breakouts, for their own entertainment.
“Bedtime kids…” He smiled at the young families and expectant mothers still bobbing around. “I’m hauling these three fish in… there's bedding in the cupboards, if anybody is staying the night. Everybody is welcome even if it’s crowded.”
That was easier said than done. After a few entertaining but frustrating minutes he drew his flute and piped the schooling children into a mass, swirling in the deep end. A conjured net and rope let him drag the whole mess into the shallows to harvest his children.
“Anybody else want any of these?” He asked, holding up an unfamiliar giggling and dripping child.
He bumped into Tawny and Liam on his way back downstairs, after stowing Becky and the little ones in Shai’s bed. They looked exultant and exhausted. “Exciting night…” Gary mumbled.
“More than you know. Liam’s little plum tree, it’s a cutting of Plumeria… she used it to bring herself here somehow.” Tawny gave an exhausted smile, exhausted but still golden. “She has become an enthusiastic scholar of ‘mortal studies’ and couldn’t resist investigating Maisie and her unborn child.” Liam looked properly abashed, but also very excited.
“Seeing a giant insect looming over her in the bath sent her into labor… not prematurely, but early. Maisie got over the shock quickly and all is well. I can’t be angry at the dear blossom and she was helpful, in the end. I tried to cut the cord, but my shears dissolved in your insane pool. She snipped it with her mandibles… I should write a paper on this with Liam and Plumeria.”
“You have medical journals?” He asked in confusion.
“I correspond with like minded practitioners, our discussions become quite lively…” Liam took her by the hand and led her off to their room with a sigh.
“Bedtime… sleep.” He mumbled as she was dragged away smiling.
#
Soft, warm rain swept through in the night, if anything, the fog got thicker. The town was socked in, even locals were staying buttoned up at home whenever possible. That meant a full house into midmorning, when the sun finally burned the mist away.
The occupants were grinning and smiling like there was something in the water, even the little ones. “I still feel the aftershocks…” Gary mumbled, lingering over a lovely oat porridge with fruit, honey and goat milk from Able’s flock. He’d milked the goat himself in the predawn fog… under guidance from the dairyman.
The process wound up being more challenging than expected, as the goats couldn't get enough Gary. He had to change into his armor to keep them from nibbling his pants off.
#
“...I heard they were back in town…” Undermaid Polly whispered to Joco the footman, in the servant’s stair.
“Music and strange lights from the outer market…” Ken the second breakfast cook was telling Auggie the poulterer in the kitchen. The burly, dark skinned farmer smiled so hard his eyes vanished as he chucked with happy mirth.
“Oh, those kids… you should wander by and check out their wares, they have very fine cutlery in their shop, and other things...” His grin got a little wider and a bit devious.
“I hear Maise had her baby last night. If young miss Emma gets the happy news from you, she might let you dance with her at the water festival.”
“What?!” He blurted, before blushing a bright coppery red. “...Errr I don’t know what you could mean by that. I’ve never even spoken to undermaid Emma.”
Auggie kept hinting and needling as he unloaded the palace’s eggs and meat from his cart. He was finishing up and making notes in his pocket ledger when he fired his final salvo. “Oh? I heard that you had an eye for her… must have been idle gossip. I’ll let her down easy when I see her, she’s my cousin you know.”
Cruel and wicked Agustine Moua enjoyed every drop of flopsweat he dragged from the apprentice cook.
Poor kid was doomed before the game even began, palace scuttlebutt said Emma had set her sights and was on the hunt. He would be stuffed and mounted before midsummer. Chef Luksar sat back and enjoyed the show, while piping delicate rosettes of rose flavored icing onto his lordship’s scones.
“Emma’s beautiful and seems kind, but she’s never even looked at me…” Ken stammered, even more stressed now that he knew the chef was watching him get slowly basted in his own drippings.
Both older men gleefully failed to mention when Emma arrived to collect his lordship’s breakfast tray. She lingered in the doorway, listening and smiling as he stuttered and fussed over the girl standing behind him…
Ken never noticed when she slipped in and took the tray away on silent slippers, with a look of victory in her eye.
#
Once the market ward’s residents got themselves back into their own homes, things settled down to a more ‘normal’ level of strange. Luna strapped on Gary’s enchanted goggles and gave the boy a look over.
“Very good… you are settling in and much more balanced now. Still a mess on the left side in any case, perhaps Gunnar Singh’s controversial methods will be more effective there.”
Shai and Dannyl took a little caper of delight while crowing in victory. “Aye, we shall dance thee inside out, an straighten yer nonsense up!”
“We’ll be heading to the Adventure compound to check in, put him through the wringer while we’re gone.” Khan said smugly, while mounting Annie.
“I want him wrecked when we get back.” Luna smiled sweetly and scratched her mount’s ears. “See if you can make him puke, that’s always a good sign.”
Gary moaned and carried on while the grownups were talking, but nobody listened. Instead, they focused on plotting his destruction, one choreographed step at a time.
“I’ll take first shift, set me up please.” Dannyl mumbled to Shai, while the musician complained.
They led him to a back corner of the garden, a secluded spot. Shai nodded and pulled the crossbow reloader out of nowhere. She plopped a comfy chair down beside it and Dannyl took his seat. He set to emptying his brother’s mana pool while thumping a beat for him to dance to on the body of his device.
“Step, step, turn!” Dannyl called the dance and kept his victim leaping and strutting until he was a sweating, trembling wreck.
Eventually the little ones came to watch and dance along in fits and spurts. Dannyl coaxed Rio into taking over the drumming for a while. Wilford gleefully took the crossbow slash mana pump and worked Gary like a rented mule.
#
“What has Emma so giddy? She nearly broke protocol and smiled in his grace’s presence… I had assumed all the upstairs staff were fully trained.” Philip’s mild glare of disapproval caught head maid Ursula by surprise.
“Emma? She knows better… I will have her disciplined this very morning.” The head maid huffed archly. “Shameful, you have my sincere apologies, was his grace offended?”
“Fortunately no, I do not believe his grace noticed the… impropriety. Let us not discuss it further, I am distressed enough.” He let a very conservative shiver pass over himself, but only for a moment and only downstairs.
Julius stood and left the dining room, his footsteps echoing in his most comfy slippers. The battered, wooden soled sandals were Philip’s latest prey. He would eventually find where Julius was hiding them and they would be gone.
They were finally worn in to the point where they only pinched and rubbed at his feet after a few dozen steps. It was going to be a sad day when they were taken.
He still missed his old favorite underwear, the elaborate ritual embroidery had been worn smooth so they hardly chafed his backside at all. They had disappeared just last week, replaced by a new set of rigid, heavily decorated briefs.
He took a rare unobserved moment to duck into an alcove and un-wedge the awful things from his noble crease with a relieved sigh.
“...candy pirates, turns out they are Adventurers and tradesmen. They set up in the gate market last night and threw a pregnant lady party…” Polly and Emma passed by, chatting happily, carrying his bedding and laundry, unaware of his august presence.
He almost stepped out of hiding to ask about the strangers and to ask what a ‘gate market’ was. The two young women departed, still speaking softly and giggling.
The young duke giggled softly as well, feeling quite naughty. Sneaking about in the servant’s halls was strictly forbidden, even now he remembered those childhood scoldings. His father’s rigid, cold voice in the study.
‘...a breed apart from the common folk. We must maintain our distance and contain our emotions and urges. I am deeply disappointed by these constant displays of frivolity…’
“You retired to the country a year and a half ago papa…” He whispered to the stern portrait glaring down over the concealed servant’s portal that his wayward son crept through.
Back in his ‘proper place’, Julius minced down the heavily carpeted hall in his comfy, painful slippers, back into his chambers. He wondered what that carpet felt like on bare feet, with every single step.
#
Two hours later, when Khan and Luna returned, Gary was in a fugue state, blindly dancing to the ragged edge of exhaustion. “Whoa! Stop… I didn’t think you’d really run him that raw.” Luna called to the oblivious kids.
He lurched from one step or position to another with a new and disturbing grace. Something about his movement was strange and upsetting to watch, liquid and rigid at once.
When things ground to a halt, all three little kids and Dannyl looked punchy and befuddled as well. They were dazed, repeating beats on the little drum Rio always carried. Dannyl’s voice was hoarse from calling the dance.
“Where did Shai go? This really got out of hand!” She snapped her fingers in front of Dannyl’s face, making him blink stupidly at her.
Khan was handling the raggedy musician, swatting his cheeks and shaking him by the shoulders while his head lolled around on a boneless neck. “He’s mostly asleep on his feet… they’ll be fine.” The veteran poked the bigger man in his back with a rigid finger, as he stumbled bonelessly along.
“Bit of improvement I think. Let’s dunk them in the bathtub and let them soak it out. Gods, I wish there were magic baths when we started cultivating.” He twitched his mustache in amusement.
#