Ch: 185 Parental Advisory
Mortis flexed his will, bringing his mount streaking over and right under the horses. The game was up, now to flee and resume his haunt from a fresh angle. Sheer luck, rather than foresight had him nestled under the tailfeathers of the fastest thing on land.
Once free of pursuit, he could circle around and follow more discreetly. That thought was still vibrating at his tattered edges, when his road running goon turned inside out, becoming a bloody mess of feathers. An arrow fletched with giant swan plumes quivered in the rocky soil, the ragged remnants of his mount wrapped around it.
Mortis dashed into the moonlit undergrowth vanishing into impenetrable shadow and complex traceries of living plants.
“Sneaky shit was listening to you clowns! Now I’ll never catch it.” Diane grumbled. “If it reappears don’t spook it.” She barked at the cluster of shaken humans standing behind the two embarrassed coyote men. “And you two… you don’t have to live up to the stereotype. Not every catgirl likes her ears rubbed, plenty of dogmen go all day without sniffing anyone’s butt, you guys don’t have to chase those idiot birds.”
“Well, ok, you humans don’t have to poop indoors. That shit’s weird and gross. Then you save it in a covered crock til morning?” He shook his head. “My friend Gary has the most extraordinary…”
“There he goes again… gabbling on about this crazy human witch he knows…” Beni grumbled.
“Oh, Gary? I know that freak… He bewitched me into doing a big song and dance number with a whole crew of ghost pirates… or were they pirate ghosts?” Diane said with a wide grin.
“Oh gods… It was supposed to be a simple exploration job…” Beni muttered.
#
Something stirred in the murky depths, revealed only by the panicked scattering of the remaining swarm. A legion of hungry spiders lurked in the willow border, plotting against this very moment. More than one pouncing stalker found a fresh new snack tangling itself in their dropline, while still finishing their current prey. Even a hungry spider can’t eat with his mouth full.
One of the tarantulas was rapidly flinging hairs from his abdomen, like darts. Skeeters and midges dropped all through his range, as his scattershot quills ruined the fragile flyers.
It took several long minutes for the evening’s final guest to arrive, fashionably late, of course. She was clad in age old peat pickled woolens, dripping the black, silty water as she rose to the surface and stood there, grinning her eternal smile.
“I’d expected foul play, but her story is just sad…” Gary chanted over the soft tapping of his drums, as he conversed silently with the black stained, ancient corpse from the deep.
“She came to splash and cool off on a hot summer day, like she did when her Andon was free, before his indenture sale.” He sighed and shook his head. “How fucking long? Anyway, she can’t remember her name, but she remembers his and she wants me to tell you all, so he won’t worry anymore… I think we’re good there.” He gave a sad head shake again.
“She just slipped in the slick clay of the bank and slid into the entangling grasp of a long drowned, dead tree…”
“A peat bog can preserve a corpse for… well forever, down in the airless dark where nothing moves. Even so, there’s something here…” He murmured, looking her over more carefully. “Don’t mind her, she’s been down there so long, she no longer understands mortal concepts… like speech, or the passage of time.”
After a moment he fell silent, addressing the corpse in some indefinable way…
“Well yes, I will. I’ll take good care of it.” He finally said aloud, as the cadaver raised her head and removed a bright bronze torc from around her neck. It was an intricate braid of metal strands, mostly bronze, with a number of gold and silver bands streaking through. The pattern evoked a lattice of roots and limbs, trees grown into a living circle, open at the throat, with tiny silver acorns on the ends of the twisted metal strands.
Reverently, she passed it over to his waiting hands, as he took it, she slowly crumbled into clots of rich clean, foul smelling mud.
It spattered and splashed over him, as the force holding the body together for untold centuries dissipated.
“That was unexpected, even for me. What are the rules on buried treasure?” He asked, making Shai’s eyes flash dangerously.
The Torc Of Kine Innis, Count Of The Borderlands, Contract Item. Rank: Iron/Unranked. Unique artifact. Etheric and Spiritual enchantments. You are incompatible with this construct.
Effect: Silveroak Cowl, when Contracted and worn by a compatible bearer, this construct can, at will, manifest a protective and concealing cloak of leaves.
Effect: Forest’s Embrace, for a minor ongoing Mana cost, when Contracted and worn by a compatible bearer in a woodland environment, this construct can muffle, conceal and obscure all traces of Contracted wearer from discovery by normal senses. Extraordinary or occult senses may pierce this effect.
Effect: Occult, Contract with a qualified bearer to reveal.
“Such treasures be the property of the discoverer… an his devoted spouse…” She purred. “But I’ll nae seduce yer trinket away, until it an thee hae been bathed. Ye hae the muck of ages gone by on thy trewsers.”
#
The swarm of older teen orphans that someone had dragooned into this outing seemed to be having a blast. They also seemed to have a large number of veteran pensioners lingering near the kids, while they were serving and working in the camp, among the tents. They were the kind of hard eyed veterans that Luna approved of, watching for ‘that kind of noble’.
Baron Holloman made some broad and unsavory hints at Maria and Therese, both fifteen and half Contracted. His confidently delivered command that the two young women ‘attend his bath’ drew a visit from Luna.
That was followed by some hastily whispered advice from baron Hreth, whose cousin had gasped out his end on her spear, for ‘indulging’ with a cook, who cried for help within the woman’s hearing.
“In a camp filled with peers of the realm? A duel in the court of War, on the spot? Unheard of… well, only very recently heard of!” Sir Francis Pangbourne had been much in the younger Holloman’s company lately, the fool was tiresome.
“She wouldn’t, not for a couple orphan bints. Where do you think Belen gets so many damn orphans?” He went on, drawing shocked and worried looks from the few nobles still in the common areas.
“I’ve heard of backwoods realms breeding their stock a year two before indenture…” The young baronet sniffed, his voice laden with disdain. “A little richer blood in the pool could only help.”
“Sir Pangbourne, you are duke Belen’s guest, do remember that, sir.” A short, stocky blonde lad of no more than sixteen said calmly, not meekly.
“Tell whatever knight you squire for, to carry his own water… If he dares. I’ll say what everyone is thinking, even if the rest are in awe of Belen’s pets. Now make yourself useful and fetch me wine, or a girl and wine.” He clapped his gauntlets at the young man in simple order robes.
“I will relay your requests to the appropriate people.” The young man said firmly, as he turned away from the taller knight.
“You give proper courtesies to a true belted knight boy! You can lip off to men when you polish your first spurs, not before!” The bigger man yelled, dropping his armored hand on the short lad’s shoulder.
The resulting storm of sound reminded most listeners of a tinker’s wagon rolling down a cliff. Sound was the primary carrier of the news, as the crowd pressed close and the action moved very quickly. It ended quickly too…
Five minutes later, duke Belen came rushing out in a too brief satin dressing robe with a lilac frilled shawl collar and lace cuffs. It was very fetching. “Rolf! What are you doing, boy! Brawling at this hour of the night?”
“Sorry papa, Sir Pangbourne requested remedial instruction in fisticuffs. When a teaching moment arises it is an instructor’s duty to administer the lesson, your gracefulness…” He continued smearing Tawny’s violet goop into his knuckles as he spoke; his wink and grin at his fathers clothing choices went unnoticed.
“In hindsight, he probably should have removed his armor before making his formal request.”
There were a few dented scraps lying by the vast public bath. A greave, roughly twisted out of shape, its straps torn and limp… and a vambrace, folded neatly in half by a single blow.
The rest of the armor was slowly dissolving and sinking to the bottom of the pool, as it fell from the body of the battered bleeding man, beached in the shallows.
“We haven’t met before, I’m just assuming your face doesn’t usually look like that. I’m Leopold Belen, your host.” He leaned over the slowly struggling man in the pool.
“You just met my son, Rolf. I’m certain you two lads will get along marvelously.” He looked to the young man and smiled. “Why don’t you make a special effort to guide your new friend for the rest of this trip, Rolf? Does that sound like fun?”
Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.
“Yes papa, I’ll be very attentive to your… guest.” The serious young man answered calmly.
“Baron Timarch, I hope you will not require me to assist you, as Rolf is helping young Pangbourne… my young sisters, Therese and Maria, will not be attending your bath. If you require a bath attendant, I will serve that role.” He grinned at the small, late night crowd.
“Celeste and I are expecting another child… I need to practice giving sponge baths, old papa is getting rusty!”
Cheers and congratulations for the bluff warrior duke took up a good part of the night, they even dragged Celeste out of bed to receive her accolades. She was dressed in a flannel bathrobe that dragged the ground, while her fool husband still pranced about in the wrong damn robe.
The small crowd swept away to raid the kitchen, leaving the two young knights alone in the bath.
“Sir Pangbourne…” Rolf said softly, once they were completely alone. “If you try to take any reprisals on any of these orphans, I will tear you to pieces in public and then I will officiate your funeral. I find plain speaking on matters like these helps to keep things very, Orderly.” He smiled pleasantly and stood to go.
“Good night sir, I hope no one will be torn to pieces tonight, don’t you?”
#
Gary couldn’t sleep. Some wayward energy was churning his body from within, jangling his nerves pleasantly. He spent a good amount of time in the workshop examining and contemplating the torc. Unlike Wanderer’s Legacy, this was old, deeply ancient even before being sunk into the depths. It had been Contracted many times, handed down many times and seen so much. Each soul had carved a new line in the complex network of interwoven magic and metal. Now, after untold generations, it was beyond intricate.
With so much nervous energy bubbling up and a house full of sleeping strangers, family and friends it was a potent brew.
The motel housed a hundred and fifty people comfortably, with double and single rooms. He could feel so many strangers dreaming under his roof, it was mildly unsettling.
Rolf’s dustup had begun and ended very suddenly, before he could even consider interfering. Luna had swaggered by shortly after, to mention how he should hang out with Rolf more. Tawny and Shai had both said much the same in the past as well… women were an inscrutable lot.
Gary went to the private bath for a soak, Shai and the rest were long since in bed and dreaming, where he should be. He grumbled and complained, but still felt like he had just pounded a too hot double espresso, right before his turn at an open mic.
He ducked through the curtain into the bamboo and steam oasis, joining Axio and the three dryads. They all tried to avoid his gaze and seemed shifty.
“Gary, you are still awake…” The salamander mumbled, guiltily. “I gather you haven’t slept yet?”
“Nope. Too amped up. Maybe those ghosts were on something… where’s Waller? Is this what ghostweed feels like? Do I have a spiritual contact high?”
“Slow down Gary.” The chubby white salamander soothed and petted him like a restless pony. “Good boy…”
“You are getting good at that Axio!” Plumeria sang happily while the elder ent soothed the boy.
“I was giving treats to the horsies earlier… they reacted much the same way, when petted.” The salamander being croaked sweetly.
“I may know the cause of your current… condition, Gary.” Solange muttered softly, looking embarrassed.
“We were asked to help put candies on the pillows in all the rooms, while you were playing in the mud. No one was specific about which candy, so we distributed a maple based confection… Liam calls them ‘Stoned Tablets’.”
“Waiiiiit… Liam’s hash, magic mushroom and dryad maple candy pills? You put those on the pillows?” He asked, in growing alarm.
“We are immortals… we don’t fully grasp such matters with ease…” She grumbled, as he sank all the way under for a while.
“Liam made those to let people enter my dreamworld without the dangerous and permanent ring. Did you send… everyone there?” He asked with a dangerous look in his eye, when he surfaced.
“Certainly not… Axio, Plumeria and Maple all helped!” She pleaded and writhed under his baleful gaze. “We didn’t know…”
“Ok, so who didn’t you send to my little slice of heaven?” He asked through gritted teeth.
“The people in the camp got chocolate. We had identified the problem by then.” She announced proudly.
“So… Everyone.” He whispered. “Aww, man…”
#
It took some meditation and a lot of being too tired to stay awake anymore, to finally get himself to the wide, rolling plain near the standing stones.
The forest and broken cathedral were even farther in the distance now, beginning to sink below his curvature. Seeing his realm expand was satisfying, but he had work to do…
A squad of teenage orphans rode by on colorful ponies, giggling and laughing as they bounced past in the bright moonlight. They rode under the eye of their home, shining down on them, a bright spinning jewel among the stars. They waved cheerily and flew on down the plain, on whatever dream errand they fancied for themselves.
In their wake the dryad forest quivered and rustled in excitement and birdsong… birds? That was new.
The caravan into the woodlands and bush was about one hundred and fifty people, including around three dozen orphans, mostly mid teens and kids nearing indenture. Gary could only guess at what they had been bribed with to come along as servants. Now another half dozen flashed by on bright and colorful mounts, laughing wildly. Maria and Therese seemed to have fully recovered from their noble ‘encounter’ and were vanishing into the distance rapidly.
“This place is mad, boy! Khan and Luna shouted, as they trotted up riding double on an massive brown horse. “Annie, you came too… Well, that gives this a whole new complexion…” He murmured with satisfaction as he greeted the enormous familiar.
“Thanks for sending Eponna my way. Guess what… love? Here, grenadier pears won’t make you gain weight and I have unlimited sugar cubes.” He murmured, still ignoring the two humans sitting on his friend.
“Boy… you are going to be extra ‘Gary’ tonight, aren’t you?” Luna demanded as they dismounted.
“I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about Luna.” He said with a broad wink. “I need to go find my family and get chewed out, again… have you met any of the deities or great fae yet?”
“No, just a truly distressing number of colorful ponies and more dryads than… well it’s a whole forest.” Khan answered, with a lost and wondering look on his face. “I thought I glimpsed an enormous moonlit stag…”
“Ohh, Beast is hanging around? Sweet!” He chortled as they walked together. “The house is over this way, by the seashore… and I have a seashore.” He sounded a little excited by the fact, even though he tried to hide it.
On a cliff over a raging shore, the house had a splendid view of his whitecaps, his rolling sea. The roll and wash of the waves soothed him, as did the sea air and the cries of gulls and piping shore birds.
“Ohh, that’s the stuff.”
“A critic might say, ‘I can see the far shore, that’s a pond…’ But do you feel it roll and swell? Yeah…” He whispered reverently. Shai and the kids were down on the beach, playing in the surf with Becky, Angie and most of the wedding party.
He trotted past the house and down the winding, grassy path to the beach with his three supervisors training behind lamely. The mad boy burst into a full sprint once his toes touched sand, blasting over to his family of beachgoers with a wild, whooping call of joy.
The scents of cocoa butter and sunscreen on sun warmed flesh enveloped him, joining the aromas of sea, sand and surf to carry him away on the wind.
“I have wind now?” He whispered into Shai’s hair as he hugged up to his mad little clan.
“An ye do, dinnae hug us all so tight, I’d nae squeeze any out of thee.” Shai giggled and rubbed his tummy like it was a magic lamp holding a stinky genie.
“I hae never seen the ocean before, lad…” Shai whispered in awe, as she snuggled closer, with the kids pressed all around.
“You still haven’t, lover. Wait til you see the real thing… it’s like comparing a candle to the sun.” He whispered reverently.
“I were startled lad, when all the orphans cropped up in yer standing stones, I did really worry when lordlings an fine folk did appear… But ye were right, tis fer the best. Most do simply believe themselves dreaming.” She confided, still clasping him close by the shore, even though the others had all let go and drifted away.
“Yeah, that was totally all planned. Not an accident caused by some very helpful immortals, who don’t know the difference between microdose hallucinogens and candy.” He answered, not at all guiltily.
“How long can they stand like that?” Angie asked quietly, after an awkwardly long time.
“Shai’s in her swimsuit, so…” Becky grinned and pointed to a conjured chalkboard standing on the shore. “If we take thirty seconds as a baseline for a chaste hug, apply the ‘can’t keep their hands off each other’ multiplier, then factor in the skin to skin contact, per square inch mind you…”
“Ok, Becks…” Angie sighed with a very practiced eye roll. “Let’s go kids, up to the house… these two need to be alone and your older sister needs to stop hanging out with Marduk and thirp so much...”
The slim, dark priestess caught up and hugged her new sister close, giggling happily. “I only work out the boner physics to embarass you and confuse the deities.” She whispered in the pale girl’s ear.
“When Ducky finds that chalk board on the shore, he’s going to break his mind trying to understand it.”
They both sighed happily at that thought as they herded the little ones inside. Becky and Angie bustled into the kitchen to prepare a snack for the kids, until they ran face first into two naked people, enjoying a few apples.
She was young, curvy and muscular, with short cropped, dust brown hair and big, expressive brown eyes. He was golden, tall and very burly, with long bright blonde hair that seemed to wave in a breeze, even inside and huge, golden eyes. They both stood there, unselfconscious in their nudity, watching the two girls with tranquil, fond looks on their faces.
The terrible trio came tumbling in, to check on the snack status. Amy and the boys stopped cold, looking at the two naked grownups munching on apples in the kitchen and screamed.
#
“GET OUT OF HERE!” He screamed at the top of his lungs. Those damnable red sequin booty shorts with the green sash were back, they made his arse look like a juicy red apple, complete with a single leaf in the stem. The illusion was effective…
Gary, the REAL Gary that everyone insisted on calling Gray, hitched his glittering red applebottoms up by their matching suspenders.
Salvaging his battered dignity, he turned on the cluster of happy teens and colorful ponies and screamed until his white mesh shirt rolled even farther up his already bare midriff. Without mirrors or any reflective surfaces at all, somehow he always knew what he looked like, how he was dressed, at any given moment…
“Go Away!” He felt the propeller beanie land, even as his voice rang out. “And who keeps doing this to me!?!” He demanded while struggling to escape a long haired, vibrant, rainbow fur shrug.
#
Therese watched Gary dance in the shrubbery, dressed in the most outlandish attire… He seemed awfully skinny too. In any case, whatever he was saying was entirely silent. Perhaps he was engaged in some obscure pantomime art… the boy was strange indeed. Dream logic could be truly weird.
She had no idea why his costume became ever more bizarre, with each silent shriek.
#
The kitchen exploded in furious action as the three tiny kids bumped faces first into… the surprise naked people in the kitchen.
“Sandi! Magnus!” Amy shrilled as she climbed both simultaneously, landing astride Magnus’ shoulders. He gave a confused, happy whinny and chomped back into his apple. Rio and Wilf followed, climbing up in that same way, with the odd grace and agility they displayed from time to time.
“Sandi and Magnus?” Becky asked softly… Both nodded and stomped one foot. “Ohh, wow. We are gonna need Eponna.” Becky mumbled, as she took the children back and conjured robes for the two. Each time she draped the garments over them, they kept shaking them off, huffing and chuffing in irritation until the robes dropped.
“Humans wear clothes…” Amy said firmly to the naked pair. “Mostly.” She shot a glance at Wilf, who was fussing with his pants again.
“Keep your robes on ok?” The little songbird asked sweetly. Both leaned forward and snuffled in her hair briefly, then sneezed.
“Hey gang, things went a little…” Gary and Shai stopped in the doorway, looking on in confusion. “Sandi?” who’s this dude?”
Becky frowned at him, reached out and took the nude, golden, burly man by the shoulder and turned him around. One glance at that golden backside and both Gary and Shai nodded.
“Magnus.” They sang in perfect harmony.
#
Axio shifted in his seat awkwardly, which made an adorable squeaking sound, as his slick amphibian skin rubbed on the naugahyde.
“I thought they were just maple candies, with a hint of herbs and a little mushroom… horsies love those.”
“Who told you that?” Gary asked patiently.
“Amy! Amy said it!” He pointed triumphantly at the little bluebird perched on Gary’s shoulder.
“Amy, how old are you?” Gary asked pointedly.
“Almost five!” She chirped. “I was born in July… Gary, when’s July here?”
“We’ll talk about that, sweety.” He crooned to the suddenly sober child. “How old are you, Axio?”
“Now Gary…” The ancient spirit began, holding up his webbed forelimbs in an irresistibly cute way. “I’m not suggesting she deceived me, just that she was inaccurate…”
“She’s five, buddy…” Becky chimed in, helpfully. “Would you just do anything, just cause Gary said so?” She asked, with a raised eyebrow.
“Of course not!” Axio chirped, sounding mildly offended. “I would check with a reliable grownup first… ohhh… I see the problem.”
“Hey!” Gary began, but Shai kissed him and whispered something in his ear that settled him right down.
“I can be a good boy!” He muttered softly. It really sounded like he was convincing himself.
#