Ch: 205 Who’ll Stop The Rain
“How’s my boat?” Becky demanded, he could only see her feet from under the overturned vessel.
“Cracked a couple ribs and sprung some joints running up the beach. I’ll run some fresh oakum in and snug her back down. Motor’s shot, though. We rang it on a boulder at the end there. Tallum had some ideas for a mark four anyway...”
Becky stopped listening when he hit the boring parts. Boating was the important thing. “What’s a ‘thrust vector’?” That kept him rolling long enough for her to assess the damage for herself.
The keel was gouged and the bronze cladding had been torn by sharp stones, she could see Gary’s work light through a few gaps, that was probably not a good sign. The motor was, to not be too technical, smooshed. It had been a smooth pair of mated rings, one in brass one in bronze, a thin spiral of enchanted runes matched the two rings and set them vibrating just out of phase. For some reason, that caused the magic latent in the water to shoot through the ring at high speed, dragging the water with it. That was where she got confused.
Somehow, the mana expenditure was not in powering the two rings, that took almost no energy, it was in keeping them out of phase. They wanted to synch up, the driver had to use her Will, Animus and Mana, through the magic of the control wheel… or through Gary, to keep them off the beat.
The harder she pushed, the faster the boat went, but the more it cost her in Stamina and Mana. There was a wide spread of diminishing returns, as she drove harder the same incremental increase in speed cost more and more. Dumping Mana and Stamina was good for cultivation, but the hangover was brutal.
“Wait a minute…!” Becky glared at the ankles under the boat and laid down the law.
“Gary, stop smoking in the workshop! I’m getting a contact high, ya goon! Now it feels like my braid is too tight.” She swatted at her scalp in irritation and struggled to get her brain back on track.
The motor was now flattened and twisted, with little hint of its original shape remaining at all. “Gary… why does the motor have to be a ring, why not a flattened oval? You could put it on a gimbal, to tilt it, as well as turn the rudder…”
“That’s what Tallum said as soon as I flipped the boat over. I still don’t see it… oh, there it is! Clever girl!” Wisps of funky smoke kept puffing from beneath the boat, making her nose wrinkle.
“Gary! Cut it out…” She fell to grumbling to herself while surveying his progress. “Hickory smoke your brain like a brisket… see if I care…”
“I’m caulking a boat with rope, hot tar and a hot iron, you’re gonna smell some smells out there.” He called from beneath the wounded hull.
“So you aren’t piping it up down there, turning your brains to goo?” She demanded. “You, Trent, Liam and Khan? You aren’t all under there, perched on the gunwales like naughty boys peeping at rude etchings, smoking yourselves stupid?” The feminine disdain and scorn in her voice was too much.
“Nope, I’m in the garden… birdwatching.” Trent said, in very convincing tones…
Becky started hauling on Gary’s weird chain hoist thing, raising the hull off its blocks, letting it dangle on cables about four feet up. All the boys started ducking out, looking embarrassed and foolish.
“Oh, Gary, I left the pipe on the underside of a seat.” Liam mumbled slowly.
“Gotcha…” Gary wandered back under the boat, searching the seats. With a sad sigh, Becky lowered the hull and tugged the chain that kept the boat flipped over.
Marduk had something called a ‘claw machine’ hidden in his temple, filled with cute and sexy plush goddesses, why was another issue entirely, but Becky did love the game... This worked much like that device. She scooped her brother up into Seahorse and rapidly hoisted him into the rafters, trapping him inside.
“Becks, darling, let me down please… I haveta pee.”
“Oh all right, ya big stoned baby.” She sighed and returned to the hoist mechanism. “Only cause I don’t want you to wet my boat.”
“Hah hah! I Lied, I don’t have to pee at all!” He chattered like a monkey and pulled faces at her grinning and leering with his red, squinty eyes.
“You’re still in the rafters, dummy.” She muttered. “I’ll send Dannyl in to get you in a while.”
She was still on the stairs heading up, when a loud thud and groan said he had found his own way down. “You ok?”
“Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you conjure a soft landing for yourself?” She asked gently.
“That was the idea.”
“Uhh, huh, what went wrong?” She smiled in delicious anticipation.
“I forgot.”
“On the way down?” She inquired sweetly.
“Shut up.”
“I love you too, little brother.” The workshop door cut off any reply he might have made.
#
“Gary, I want those dangerous materials secured more thoroughly. There are children and familiars in this house!” Liam was taking a hard line; losing a member of the expedition was sending his confidence into a tailspin. His answer was in the comforting embrace of the rules.
“Nobody in their right mind would try and use that weapon… and she tried to use it on my kids…” Gary mumbled. “I don’t even wanna touch it. That’s why it was in an enchanted leather case, in a locked cabinet.”
Dannyl was looking shifty and nervous, over by the stage Slowly he raised his hand. “I was playing with your picky locks… it looked fun… and that’s the only lock in the house to try them on.”
“Ok, that’s on me… I left picklocks and a cabinet of secret things around a teenage boy. I made that lock super simple too, ‘cause that’s how you guys make them. Nobody but me and Dannyl pick locks around here I guess.” He shrugged helplessly.
“Hey, Tallum, when you’re done playing with that vault door, let’s make a key and install it.”
“All right, for now, I’ll hold on to that thing.” Liam said firmly.
“Nope.” He grunted just as firmly. “Stays with me. I’m gonna stash it until we have a solution. Trust me, this is my house, nobody will find it.” He smiled sadly. “My kids are way too smart to mess with this thing.”
#
“Gary is way too dumb to hide this thing.” Amy said sadly. She tipped her fancy tricorn hat and sighed. “Wilf, go hide this in the bottom of the toybox please.” Wilf saluted his pirate princess and toted the heavy, black leather case upstairs. “What kinda goof hides it in the rope locker on Seahorse? I dunno how he made it this far without us.”
Rio shook his head sadly. “The gods truly watch over their beloved pendejos.”
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At third bell, Gary felt ready to travel, apparently that was what they were all waiting for. They went through the now familiar ritual of packing a three day rations and essentials bag for each person to carry and left everything else inside the inn.
“A half day’s travel toward home is better than none.” Pangbourne sighed, sounding oddly wistful.
“If a swift journey is what you wish, I think the kids will surprise you. They took it slow on the way out… I warn you, just go with the music, or you will regret it.” Rolf had a serious look in his eyes, even by Rolf standards. “I’ll let them know we are ready.”
No sooner had the young knight left, mounted on a very fine palomino named Bernadette, than Emma cantered up on Sandi, smiling happily.
“Might I ride at your stirrup, brave knight? I’m still a little shaken from yesterday… was it only yesterday?”
“It must be trying, losing a member of your household under such circumstances…” He murmured blandly. “My condolences.”
“I see you also met Maddie…” Emma sighed.
“No, young Trent did, she said some… he was not favorably impressed.” Frank smiled wanly. “Shall we join the others? I have been cautioned that they will ride hard today.”
“I’m sure Sandi will see me through again.” She said with a smile. “If not, I may find myself in need of a bath attendant tonight…” She sighed coyly. “If the weary road should batter my tender form too harshly, I may need to call on what gallant aid may hear my plaintive cry…” She looked up at him from under her eyelashes, with a predatory grin.
“...from the secret third pool among the bamboo, before dinner this evening.”
“I certainly hope some kind soul is nearby to hear you, in this very specific hypothetical scenario.” He answered mildly, as they fell into formation.
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“I took some liberties with your armor this morning sir Pangbourne.” Rolf said quietly as they rode out. “I had the party smiths make some adjustments.”
“Really… I thought I had either gotten used to the pinching, or that something important to me had finally been pinched off. In any case, that’s a relief in more ways than one.”
“You boys, always complaining about armor…” Emma sassed them, in her bespoke armored corset and gown. “I find it more comfortable than court apparel, even after the new underwear reforms!” She giggled with earthy, naughty glee.
“Underwear reforms?” Pangbourne asked with confusion and amusement on his face.
“We’ll talk tonight.” Rolf said with a rare smile, while Emma giggled with Shai…
The young knights were distracted by the young ladies just long enough to fall into the sweet rhythmic trap laid on the road. The kids had their instruments out, sprawled and lounging in one of the pony carts. Gary was on the driver’s bench with his Banshee guitar wailing into the midday sky. A small flock of ravens wheeled beneath perfect, puffy white clouds that seemed to be painted onto the flawless blue dome of the sky. The kids were following him down a strange musical path; fast, upbeat, weirdly exotic and complex melodies entangled and released, swaying across the constantly shifting tempo.
“What is this music?” Frank asked, when he noticed that Violet was cantering in time with the complex tune. He was startled to discover his own toes tapping in the stirrups. “The lyrics make no sense.” He decided, after listening closely for a few stanzas.
The mirror stares you in the face and says
‘Baby, uh, uh, it don't work!’
You say your prayers though you don't care,
You dance and shake the hat!
Dance! Boogie Wonderland!
Hey, hey!
Dance! Boogie Wonderland!
“Just relax and let it happen.” Rolf advised.
#
Camp that evening found them in the high desert again, with the colorful mesas in the distance behind them… Pangbourne stood up from brushing Violet’s legs, ignoring her snuffle of mild impatience.
He turned all the way around, twice, then looked back at the mesas in the distance, painted in even more wild colors by the last light of sunset, standing tall… miles behind them.
Emma finished grooming Sandi and joined in, helping the distracted lord brush his increasingly annoyed mount. “Yes, I like her too Violet, now hush… I’m thinking.” Pangbourn grumbled at his familiar, too befuddled to fully grasp that she was standing there, on the other side of the tall horse.
“The kids put on a surprising turn of speed, when they let loose. They were nervous about you and the others at first.” Emma murmured happily, while the young lord blushed and grumbled at his horse some more.
Emma’s curry work was inexpert, but Violet was at the point she would take what she could get. She snuffled and twitched her tail, summoning Annie’s pet over for the tricky spots. At least that boy knew his way around a brush and hoof pick.
“Thank you Gary, though I’m afraid sir Pangbourne seems too distracted to engage in the niceties of civil discourse.” The young lady said icily to Gary, but directed her chilly gaze at Frank.
“My apologies… Thank you for tending Violet, lady Emma, Gary.” He still kept gazing back at the mesas, wondering.
“Yes, we really came that far, that fast. We have little ones along, or we could push harder and be in sight of Wheatford by dawn… but we would be garbage for a few days after. Everything has a price, one way or another.” The mad fool muttered, gazing over the towers in the distance.
“And what is your price? For these wonders you promise?” Frank asked quietly.
“Freedom. Freedom for my brothers and sisters, for my kids. That’s it.” He said earnestly.
“And then what? When War’s legion empties and monsters spill over the land?” He posed the question coolly and calmly, despite a sinking feeling in his guts… The boy really was mad.
“Then nothing. I’m stuck with this job either way.” He grumbled. “I just wanna make music, but I have stuff to protect.” He nodded to Shai, his kids and the rest, milling about at the baths. “Just like Liam and Tawny… Just like duke Belen and just like you do. Do you think we won’t defend our homes, unless we’re enslaved?”
He swatted sir Pangbourne on the armored shoulder in an entirely too familiar way that somehow felt… right. “Come on, let’s hit the baths.”
“Thank you but no, I think I’ll walk Violet around in a circle by that stand of bamboo over there.” He said with a sly smile.
Gary cocked a weary eyebrow at the lord and his horse. “I’m a little jittery right now, so sneaking around is just gonna draw my attention to… Never mind… Have fun.” The madman shrugged and wandered off, finally.
A few moments later a soft, despairing cry came from the steamy thicket. “Ohh help, help… I’ve dropped my soap out of the pool and am too exhausted to retrieve…”
Emma dropped her demure pantomime, when Frank rustled through the canes with a pleased smile on his rugged face.
“Sir knight… your gaze is unchaste and wicked… do you mean this poor maiden harm?” She purred happily.
#
Rolf was like an island in the bath, calm, peaceful, stable. He just sorta fit in, unremarkably. Like the bath was always supposed to have that island in it. “Damn it Shai… do you and Tawny always have to be right?” Gary demanded.
She just let it roll off her creamy pale shoulders. She was always right about something or other and annoying her boy with that fact was one of life’s simple pleasures.
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Lord Ali, of Healer’s clergy, Miriam, his wife and Priestess of Craft, were enjoying evening tea with Lady Helene and Telemain Shaheen, both of War. The sumptuous furnishings were worn a little threadbare in spots, perhaps the colors in the rug no were no longer as bright and the pile a bit thin… House Kinneman was still prosperous and well respected and rightly feared in some quarters.
“Our expedition should be ready to head out as soon as we receive word of those children’s failure. Securing and pacifying those lands will be key to our next step.” She murmured over her teacup.
“Once we are in possession my claim will supersede that of any upstart Belen might drag from obscurity. Telemain, your task will be securing the perimeter and retaking the viscounty of Lister. We will cleanse whatever unclean thing lurks in the cemetery and take the town and its surrounds.”
“Are we certain that they will fail? I loathe those whelps, but they are uncomfortably competent.” Shaheen grimaced with distaste and took up his teacup, mostly to conceal his loss of control.
“Lord Tybalt reports an army of walking dead and at least one shade. A minor haunt in a bog is one thing, but hundreds of the dead…” She sighed happily.
“I’m appalled to learn that duke Belen allowed them to take those tiny waifs…” Ali grumbled. “Surely the council can recall them before something tragic occurs!”
“Fear not, Rolf Belen is staid, conservative and very safety conscious. He and his warband will abandon the expedition and drag those urchins back by their ears… before the first sign of danger.” Miriam soothed her husband gently. “We will get little Mohammed back, husband!”
“Yes, my dear… I despise plotting like this, but Otho has gone too far!” Lord Ali frowned with the expression of a man who had just taken very bitter medicine and was considering ejecting it immediately.
#
Gary was tied to a brightly painted wheel of fortune, blindfolded and securely bound hand and foot. He wore a skimpy outfit of snug, stretchy red silk, spangled with sequins in the shapes of his beloved musical notations. The garment was dangerously snug in the tenders, even through his gauzy white lace tutu. Spinning helplessly, round and round, he was easy meat for his tormentor.
A giant stinkroach with two heads held a feculent doo doo dagger in each of its absurd number of limbs, hurling them at its unfortunate prey.
“This work is more allegory than literal…” Dannyl was saying, as he displayed the latest in his ‘Nightsoil Terrors’ series. “I call it, ‘My Lovely Assistant’.”
Gary, Shai and the kids came up from the workshop in a group, right into the showing. “Hey! Nothing like that ever happened!” The madman complained. “I gotta take it on the chin with the others, but this is not cool!”
Mean Shai and those awful brats of hers were yucking it up with the rest, while Gary fumed and stomped. He sulked in that weird, exaggerated way he did when he was pretending to be mad, but was not so secretly amused.
Dannyl ignored his antics and continued his presentation. “This one is already on contract to duke Rummel, my noble patron… but I can make copies for interested parties for a modest fee. They will be annotated as copies, however.”
“I should like to acquire the set.” Rolf said quietly. “I would like prints of the future editions as well.”
“Wow… I never would’ve suspected… You’re a Gary fanboy? I heard of this thing called a waifu pillow… we’ll talk.” Dannyl grinned at the young knight, displaying the charms that kept him constantly in trouble and often got him out of it too.
“No, I plan to hang them at random in the ducal palace, to annoy mistress Shenko and Adam, my elder brother. Don’t tell, I’ve been doing things like this for years…” Rolf’s smile was strangely wild and childlike, on his usually dour face. “They never suspected that I was the one who drew mustaches and camel toes on the family portraits.” He sighed wistfully. “Your mooseknuckle work is impressive, Dannyl.”
A few minutes later, a pair of easels were set up in the common room, with Dannyl and Rolf sketching together happily.
“It’s easy to go too far, get too explicit… just suggest the outline of the area… leave them guessing…”
“Yes, it’s too improbably handsome to depict realistically. Who would believe it?” Rolf mumbled, while sighting off and framing Liam’s backside with his outstretched palm and thumb.
#
Liam leaned over his boxwood hedge, carefully trimming it into the likeness of a big green bunny. He polished his razor sharp snips with a specially treated cloth of Gary’s invention and sheathed them carefully… He felt uneasy, like he was being watched intently. He stood and swiftly scanned the wide open badlands all around for a threat, nothing. He turned back to the house and sighed at his brother and would be brother in law, diligently drawing on their easels and grinning like idiots.
“Dannyl, I told you to stop drawing pictures of my ass. I don’t care how much Tawny pays for them.”
“Not me… This time I did a study of your neck and shoulders for… a private collector.” He spun his work around to show his unwilling model. There, sketched in bold strokes of black on the rough white paper was his own body, from waistline to hairline, with a glimpse of his face in a scanty profile. His shirtless musculature and lithe balanced form were so well defined, with just a few careless seeming lines and a bit of shading, it was startling. Liam had to look down at his torso, to see if he was shirtless as in the artwork. He was not.
Rolf coughed and flushed golden in embarrassment, behind his own easel. “Tawny just asked for a fresh perspective… It’s art Liam.”
“Did you sketch my ass, Rolf? Cause that’s weird and it crosses some boundaries.” Liam stomped away and joined Gary, Shai and the kids in the corner by the kitchen; his every line and movement radiating a mild simmering discontent.
#
Liam came grumbling up and joined them, his anger melting away as he sat down. “Ahh, that’s better. He sighed, with his back to the room. “Kids, I’m going to gesture and flail my hands about angrily… do me a favor and give Rolf and Dannyl your ‘disappointed glares’ please.”
Amy and the boys shrugged and focused on the two selected targets for a few moments, while Liam gestured with controlled fury. “They keep drawing pictures of my backside… It bothered me at first, but now I’m just giving them the business.” He murmured with satisfaction as Tawny joined the table.
“Wait… so the whole ‘pictures of Liam’s ass’ thing is a bit? You’re doing shtick?” Gary asked with a smile growing on his face.
“Our relationship has been fodder for the gossip mill since we were too young to even understand our situation.” Tawny murmured, once Liam’s arm was securely around her, where it belonged.
“All your talk about controlling the narrative and choosing our own labels really hit home; thus the grand plan to drown the gossip mongers in salacious nonsense.”
The pair smirked evilly and shared a chaste kiss. “We will drown them in sugary and naughty foolishness, that our actual goals and activities will pass unnoticed.”
“It feels like I’ve created a monster… or at least taught the monster new tricks and unleashed it on a poor, unsuspecting world…” Gary took a moment to steeple his hands beneath his chin with a breathy sigh of pleasure. “Ehhhxellent!”
“Boy, ye are nearly too troublesome to keep… nearly so.” Shai murmured happily as the sun finished setting among the mountains behind the inn.
#
“Didn’t see you in the common room last night Frank…” Sir Hamish muttered, once they were mounted and riding down the road again, with a gray and brooding sky gathering ahead.
“A knight must seek solitude on occasion, to contemplate the virtues and meditate. Cultivation of the mind and spirit are both essential, sir Hamish.” He answered with a smile and a glance up and down the burly, slightly flabby older knight. “Physical training can only carry a knight so far.”
Rolf almost chuckled at the jibe, while the jolly lord took his ribbing with a smile. “Watching these youngsters train before breakfast is inspiring… inspires me to sleep a little later so I won’t see.”
“You could join us, sir Hamish.” Liam called from the front rank. “Either way you will need that armor adjusted soon.”
Hamish stopped fidgeting with the jellyroll caught beneath his breastplate and gave the group an embarrassed an3d cheeky smile. “We don’t all travel with two skilled smiths in our train, young Liam.” He answered with just a little saucy snap to it, and a grin.
“You could have said something.” Tallum grumbled, from atop mighty Annie. “I’ve been a little idle these last few nights.”
“I will avail myself of your skills before this journey ends then…” The lord’s cheery words fizzled as they crossed the pass and looked down into the green uplands of Wheatford valley.
Flintspire jutted up like a blackened stump through the thick, gray clouds just below them. Ahead, mountains of looming gray thunderheads and heavy rainclouds promised a wet and sodden ride.
Cloaks and cart covers began appearing in the group, as Liam, Gary and Shai made the rounds, distributing rain gear from their stores. Even while they worked, the damp tendrils of the approaching storm started climbing up the pass, accompanied by a wall of wet, warm air.
The shift from cool, sunny day to wet, windy and tempestuous was as sudden as the storm was violent. Lightning and thunder shattered the sky ahead, as they descended into the teeth of the storm. The wind snatched at their ankles from behind, as a huge mass of cooler air began surging down into the valley from behind them.
“Ok, we are going to button up for the day… this is too much!” Khan shouted into the gale.
“Mutton chow mein for supper?” Luna shouted back. “Sure but we should encamp and wait out the storm!”
“I don’t think we can keep going much longer in this…” Gary shouted to Liam.
“Go in the bushes if you have to piss… but we should hunker down!” The man’s hair was still spiky, even in the wind and rain.
It took an embarrassingly long time to finally shout at each other that it was time to stop and hide in the sturdy walls of home. Setting up in a wild, swirling storm was a novel experience, one they would prefer not to repeat again soon.
“I’d better get Seahorse ready… there might be some flooding ahead.” Gary almost whispered, once they were soaking the chill away in the expanded indoor pool. The outside pool was being lashed into a froth by wind and rain, even inside the sheltering garden walls.
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