Ch: 194 Knight Fever
Gary was lecturing after lunch, offering context to those less steeped in the occult and the magic of life’s endings.
“...So you have your natural undead, lost souls, spirits with unfinished business, for good or ill. they're a part of the cycle of life and death, they naturally disperse after a while… or can be dispersed by the living. They may be unnerving or creepy, but they never pose a threat, beyond sleepless nights and goosebumps.” He said, around his pipe stem, while pointing to a crudely drawn, childish ghost on his chalkboard.
“Created and self willed undead are a different matter; if a being chooses to dabble in necromancy, things get weird. The world has a real problem with corporeal beings attempting to achieve immortality… especially that way.” He indicated a silly skeleton in a wizard’s robe and hat, commanding an army of skellies, sketched in rude chalk stick figures. “Any questions?”
“Yeah, I have a few…” Becky sneered from the back row.
“You’re a pretty good tailor, so why are you wearing that shabby tweed jacket? Are those leather patches on the elbows? That’s weird.”
“Now we know who’s staying after class to clean the chalkboards…” Gary complained sourly.
“Well, I do think it looks distinguished…” Shai sassed her little sister. “Yer tastes be nae in this matter…” She growled softly while taking in her man’s ensemble.
The mad boy’s tweed jacket in rich browns and gray rode over a bright red weskit and a wide belted kilt of scarlet and black tartan wool. Long socks with silly tasseled badges at the cuffs and pointed toed felt slippers completed the silly outfit, which Shai kept staring at hungrily.
“Wave yer pointer stick more lad… some of these dunces dinnae mind yer instruction.”
“Becky, you’re forgiven, Shai… I’ll see you after class for an extra credit assignment.” He said with a cheeky and wicked grin.
“All right kids… enough-!” Khan’s complaint cut off sharply as he jumped in his seat.
“You could be more studious, husband. You aren’t just a patrol leader anymore, a bit of education is sexy.” Luna murmured in his ear, while he rubbed his pinched bottom.
“I wasn’t complaining about the lecture, wife; it was the digression into whatever that was.” He grumbled.
“You could do with more of whatever that was too…” She grumbled right back.
“So…” Gary continued, waving his bronze capped pointer with more vigor, to which Shai clapped and giggled. “Self-willed undead have an agenda and have to be put down, since their agenda always devolves into ‘create a kingdom of death, to rule forever’.” He winked at Shai and shrugged.
“Always, without fail. No mortal can shrug off the bonds of the living world without coming to hate and despise what they have left behind, becoming the worst kind of monsters.”
“So we have to fight this thing? This would be ruler of a dead kingdom?” Pangbourne asked.
“Yes, well, no… If this was a lich or some kind of revenant, we would have to wipe his army of corpses and then sanctify his remains… There are a bunch of options for that. For a vampire, it’s a straight fight, since they animate their old bodies to feed on the living. Either way, exposure to a conscious and hostile living Animus shreds them to pieces with prolonged contact. That’s why even vampires always hang out far from the living. They hate what they desire and desire what they have given up.”
“That cleared up nothing, boy.” Khan complained again.
“Sorry, I get distracted when my star pupil wears such short skirts…” He murmured, while Shai giggled again. “What we do have, is the most obnoxious and pernicious of the lot, a demon with undead powers, summoned and bound here. Demons with undead affinities are usually active and eager participants in these kinds of things.”
“How do you know this, whence comes this lore?” Hamish asked, a concerned look on his face.
“I hang with spirits, fae entities, outsiders and extra-dimensional beings a lot, they're full of handy tips and advice. Axio is a very wise being, he knows a lot about death and necromancy. There’s this giant mantis, demigoddess demon hunter roaming around, she cleared up a lot of the demonic side of it.”
“So you also truck with demons…” Pangbourne said drily “I suppose your demons are nice.”
“As I was about to say, in outsider circles, ‘demon’ is a pejorative, like calling someone an asshole. So when I say there is an undead aligned demon out there, I mean there is a malign entity from outside our dimension, brought here to wreak havoc for its own agenda.” He frowned at the young knight.
“Demons are no different than other true outsiders, except that they're dickheads. They were formed in the void and are natives of the emptiness that surrounds and fills everything, everywhere. Aside from that, they're all individuals, people are people so most are pretty cool at least, while some of them suck.”
“So we have to fight whatever this demon is…” Pangbourne grumbled. “Just find it and stab it until the job is done.”
“Not so easy. Demons are immortal and exist outside our dimension, only a piece of it is pushing through the veil into our world. It’s bound here, because otherwise, the magic of this world would shortly push it out into the void and seal the opening it squeezed through.”
“What he means is, we can’t ‘kill’ the creature, we have to unbind it from our world, hopefully forever.” Liam said from the front row. “That will banish it and expunge its influence from this place.”
Gary nodded in agreement. “Yes Liam, ya big nerd.” he turned on Hamish and Pangbourne and glared at them. “My outsider friends can only manifest here with human assistance and only for a short time, usually thorough spirit possession, so stop looking at me like that.”
“I have no desire to be possessed, no matter the duration, fool. Keep your witchcraft to yourself.” Pangbourne grumbled.
“They can only possess willing and compatible people through me… Really just me, to be honest. It’s not bad if a good friend takes the reins and drives me around for a while. It would be super creepy if a stranger took over...” He maundered on, thinking aloud for a moment, before returning to the matter at hand.
“Where were we? Oh, yeah… So we can unbind the spell holding the demon here, then poof, demon’s gone walkies… If it gets out of hand we can get a little more aggressive.” The musician said happily.
“What does that entail?” Pangbourne asked. “I’d like to know all our options before facing an unknown demon.”
“It’s easy, anyone can banish the demon if they find the ritual binding. Usually just a little brute force will work, smash the ritual array up and that’s it. If you see an occult circle or arrangement of eternally burning candles… wreck that shit.” Gary answered quickly and tried to move on.
“I meant our other options. The more aggressive ones.” The lord demanded. “We should be familiar with all the tools at our disposal.”
“Nope. The other options are mine, not ‘ours’. I have to pay the price, if I choose option B, so it’s my call and my secret to keep.” The madman paused, cocking his head to one side in silent contemplation of some internal dialogue.
“Unacceptable. You will answer my questions, boy.” Pangbourne snapped.
“It suspects what’s coming, so things should happen pretty quickly.” Gary said calmly, while strolling towards the workshop door.
“I gotta finish some last minute checks and get my gear ready, we have an hour and a half until the horde of undead arrives.”
“Hold on there!” Khan and most of the other supervising knights and nobles barked in chorus.
He paused in the doorway and looked back. “Yeah?”
“You mentioned an ‘Undead horde in an hour and a half’… would you care to elaborate on that?” Khan asked gently, as though he might burst like a soap bubble if pressed too hard.
“Don’t worry about it, they aren’t going to be a problem. The only thing that holds the undead together is the remnant Animus and Will from when they were alive… the corpses here are all at least eight hundred years old.” He smiled happily, thinking some pleasant thought all his own.
“My pal Axio is one valley over, letting his spores drift on the wind to settle on this place. I just wish I could see whatever our new friend uses for a face when the full effects of nearly a thousand years and a fungal outbreak takes its toll on the army of the dead.” He shook his head at them.
“My kids are here, if there was a threat, I’d be working on it or dragging them away by their ears, whatever the dukes and council may want… Just like I won’t leave my kids in town at the orphanage; I can’t trust you guys. Now hush, my kids are napping, they will wanna be awake for the show.”
“Answer me fool, How do you know all this? How can we trust a madman?” The lord demanded.
Gary chattered along happily, still halfway through the door and smiling. “Demons and wanna be lich lords, they always forget about decay. I think it’s ‘cause outsiders exist in a void, where even time has little meaning and mortal forces can’t touch them.”
He smiled darkly for a moment, before continuing. “Mostly, we’ll see about that in a little while. Liches and vampires always think they can work around the decay issue by body jumping, or consuming living essence… which slowly dissolves their Will, Mind and remnant Animus.”
He vanished through the doorway, which sealed itself after him.
“He’s mad, utterly mad.” Pangbourne muttered, drawing a sour look from Emma that stung a little. “He is! Deny it if you can.”
“I’ve seen a little, just a peek behind his curtain the last two weeks or so. The madness is real, as is what he does. What they all do… Each of them is something special, especially the littlest ones.” She murmured, leaning close.
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“They will change everything, I think.”
“What do you know? Where does this all come from? The inn alone is… utter fantasy, an impossibility that exists right over our heads. How much more are we to accept blindly from some nameless, mooncalf orphan and his hillwoman…?” Pangbourne felt an ominous chill run up his spine and sighed deeply. “The giant hillwoman is right behind me… isn’t she?”
“Aye, she is…” Shai said mildly, smiling her hostess smile. “An yer lordship hae a point. If the hospitality of this house be nae satisfactory… ye may shift fer yer own accommodations. I hae a small tent ye may have use of.”
“Now mistress Shai…” Pangbourne began, holding up placating hands to the enormous woman looming over him.
“Journeyman Shai, Yer lordship… beggin’ yer pardon.” She said cooly; as she spoke, the local temperature began to drop as well. “Shall I hae someone aid thee wi thy baggage? Violet be welcome, as Annie’s guest, fer she be rare fine company… Yer lordship.”
“Are you saying my horse is welcome but I am not, Journeyman Shai?” He asked archly.
“Nae, I do say she hae not complained, nor made an arse of herself… ye do struggle there, yer lordship. Heeding her counsel might aid thee in these matters.” Shai answered calmly. She strode away with none of the usual jingling of merry bells, stalking in silence like a hunting cat.
“Well I never…” He began lamely, while watching her depart.
“Hmm, perhaps you should. Your current strategies have been less than successful.” Emma said softly as she rose to follow the giantess. “But we have an undead army coming and other matters must take precedence…”
“I can’t believe I’m being lectured on manners by commoners…” He grumbled, very quietly.
“Shai, oh Shai… what does one wear to an undead assault? I’m at a loss here.” Emma called to her friend.
#
The whole expedition was armed and armored, kitted for war and up on the wall, with the exception of Jake and Maddie, Emma’s maid and Hamish’s valet.
Chet and Pete the orphan grooms appeared in boiled leather armor, reinforced here and there with odd wooden pieces… they had Gary’s distinct style all over them.
Chet was a fanciful assassin, all in black with dark wrought iron embellishments and a sinister, glowering mask, depicting the face of a vampire bat under a cap of leather covered bronze.
Pete had dark brown horseman’s leather, with accents of green and the figure of a rearing warhorse embossed in his boiled leather breastplate and a mask with a large cutout for a mustache.
The two teens gripped sturdy leaf bladed bronze spears, holding them in a very business-like manner.
“Relax guys, these poor sods will barely hold together long enough to get here. My buddy Axio has been showering fungus spores over this valley for weeks, they won’t look pretty.” Gary and the trio of armored tots were the only ones down in the yard, the rest were watching the slow approach of the shambling horde of walking corpses on the hillside.
“There are an awful lot of them…” Hamish grumbled from the low rampart.
“Yup, it’s not playing around, this is everything it has that’s capable of walking independently… The strain of controlling them as they enter my territory is probably really rough on our unseen ‘friend’... let’s help him out, shall we kids?” Gary said calmly, while his shadow band began proliferating. They moved slowly, but with purpose, seizing instruments from the racks and stacks of equipment assembled in the garden.
“Amy, take lead vocals, I know you wanna…” the tiny girl in blue just giggled and jumped to her feet with a radiant smile on her dark cheeks.
With sudden and explosive force, like an alarm bell in a dozen different, chiming chords at once, sound erupted from the band of shadows, as gongs, bells, cymbals and chimes began sounding.
Gary was armored, but wielding Cab’s bamboo rod, rather than a weapon. He slashed and poked, as though battling an invisible army all by himself, driving the hammering sound of a legion of bells. The noise rose into a painful, chaotic discord, before falling into a smooth chiming harmony.
The sound of a colossal metronome came thunking hollowly, from a shadow wielding a wooden mallet on an enormous guiro, under the direction of Cab Calloway’s shade.
“I love this one!” Becky shouted, leaping down from the rampart to join with her harp, while Shai was already shimmying. Amy’s ringing voice cut through the evening, soaring into the sky in a desperate, heartfelt cry.
Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day!
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way!
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown,
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way…
Pink Floyd’s ‘Time’ was too big an ask for a tiny girl dressed like a disney princess. A five year old shouldn’t have the melancholy, timeworn exhaustion in the ragged, plaintive song she lifted into the afternoon sky.
‘But…’ Gary reflected to himself, as he conducted his lovely children and beloved family. ‘...I gotta remember, she’s not really five… none of them are really kids.’
That started to make him angry, risking the vibe, so he took the music inside himself and let his feelings ride on Amy’s lyrics.
The sun is the same in a relative way…
But you're older-
Shorter of breath, and one day closer to death!
Bass notes began to rumble and thunder as Tallum and Ivy joined in. Shai, Tallum and Wilf took the backup and harmony, while Amy shook the walls with her sweet, ringing voice. Gary handed the baton to Cab and went to go fling open the gate.
“Are you all mad?” Pangbourne demanded from the ramparts.
Khan dropped a restraining hand on his shoulder and whispered softly. “You have come to see this. Watch and learn.”
Outside, on the rocky slope, the stumbling army picked up the pace, surging forward with renewed vigor as the shadows slowly lengthened behind the inn.
“Close the gate you fool, even weaklings can overrun us with these numbers!” Hamish shouted down, sounding worried.
The lobster armored fool placed a low tea table in the gateway and put a ceramic crock on it, with a gentle sigh and a smile. “They aren’t coming for the gate, well, not this gate anyway.”
The approaching horde was both more hideous and less than one would expect. It had all the usual mummified, moldering shamblers,a few freshly rotting juicy ones and all the bone rattling skellies one would expect, but on top of it all was a mind boggling variety of fungal growths sprouting from the wretched army of the dead.
Some could almost be mistaken for armored death knights, in fungal panoply… until they stepped into the inn’s slowly lengthening shadow and tumbled to the rocky earth in a heap.
Each ambulatory corpse that approached stepped into the shadow cast down the valley by the slowly sinking sun. As they did, all motive force left them, reverting the poor things back to dusty rags and bones. From each, a black flying insect arose: butterflies, moths, dragonflies and more all darted into the darkening sky, vanishing towards the moon, just peeking over the horizon.
A few of them returned and swooped down into the ceramic jar in the gate, disappearing through the lid. “Ahh, ‘A Little Bit Me, A Little Bit You’…” He sighed happily as a few more pieces came home.
The band stretched ‘Time’ out with extended solos and improvs, to give all the dead a chance to slip away. Finally only one being remained, standing at the edge of the inn’s shadow and slowly backing away as it lengthened.
Gary strolled out to the creature, a tall column of shadow stuff comprised of drifting shreds and rags of its own shroud.
“Hey buddy… I know it’s kinda scary, but trust me; you’ll be fine. I’m gonna go put my boot wherever your old boss doesn’t like boots shoved, so you can rest easy.” He pulled his trusty teleblaster and joined the band, giving his reluctant friend a musical shove into the darkness.
A big black bumblebee shot skyward a moment later, vanishing into the rising moon.
“Ahh, that was satisfying. I’ll let it prepare whatever it can overnight… Tomorrow morning we’ll put this thing outside.” Gary said, as the band wound down and he strolled back inside.
“It’s got to be super pissed right now… as far as it can tell, I just ate its whole army. It won’t be making smart choices tonight. Speaking of, what’s for dinner? I’m starving.”
#
Lady Emma leaned on the parapet overlooking the field of strewn ancient corpses, watching the knights poke and prod the dry, brittle wretches.
She had on the latest weird armor of Gary’s creation. Her armored corset and skirts were shaped and sculpted to meet the needs of a fashionable lady at court, while being unambiguously martial. Wooden plaques and bronze stays woven with braided spidersilk formed a flexible, breathable breast and backplate, guarding her vitals and offering flexibility.
Her skirts, while full and intricately pleated, were designed to break away if seized. Until then, they offered excellent protection and pockets! That alone was a revelation, when she discovered that many common women had pockets concealed in their skirts she had nearly wept with excitement.
“It doesn’t even stink…” Pangbourne murmured as he walked through the wide field of scattered, collapsed remains.
“Axio spread his spores far and wide over these valleys and deserts… his influence will only be temporary here, but he has a real problem with the undead and particularly this situation.” Becky said quietly as they walked among the dusty remnants and bones. “Oh! We have some stragglers!” She shouted happily.
As the sun sank lower and the inn’s shadow merged with the spreading murk, shadows with more substance began flitting through the broken walls and slipping out through the empty gateways. One by one they slipped into the wide field of bones and vanished with an inaudible sigh, one that could only be felt, not heard.
“That… is deeply unsettling…” Emma remarked from the ramparts, as a few more shades vanished into the darkness under the walls.
“Settling is exactly what’s going on.” Gary said from directly beside her, where he may or may not have been for a while.
“Gods, man! I won’t bother asking how… but why do you insist on skulking about so?” She demanded, while smoothing her armored skirts.
“Where I come from, I’m part of the lowest social class… an orphan, a cripple and homeless, being sneaky just kinda became my thing. Nobody can beat or rob a person they can’t find.” He answered happily.
“So now you just creep about to be obnoxious?” Pangbourne asked.
“Nahh… it turns out that here, some assholes are trying to sell me into slavery… So, sneaky is still one of the songs in my setlist.” His grin soured a little.
“It’s not ‘slavery’, you ignoramous…” Pangbourne fell silent, when the glares of both Emma and Shai chilled his spine, despite his current location, standing in a field of human debris.
“Sure, it’s not slavery… Gotcha.” He said with a wink. “Getting fucked over by ‘The System’ is familiar territory for me, so I’d have kicked and fussed and then finally toed the line for my five years… But they want my brothers and sisters too, that’s a problem for me, as you can no doubt guess.” He had his small flute out, gently warming up as darkness fell over the broken city a half mile off. He continued rambling while making a minute adjustment, fiddling with the instrument for a moment or two.
“You crossed the line when you tried to lay claim to my kids. That’s when I started taking my own steps. Aggressive, chaotic, unpredictable, unstoppable steps.”
He sang a few bars of something sweet and meloncholy.
Giant steps are what you take,
Walking on the moon…
“So you claim to be the architect of all the chaos sweeping over the twelve duchies… that is a bold declaration.” The lord grumbled at the fool sitting on the wall.
“You guys fucking suck. I gave you all a chance, when I got here. I thought: ‘It can’t be like that here, everything seems so nice, so polite, so clean…’ Turns out yeah, it’s like that here too.” He shrugged and placed the instrument to his lips. “Pirate rules, I’ll take everything I can and give nothing back.”
He waited a few moments, his instrument poised and ready, before lowering it with a sigh. “If you goons are done stomping around in those Human Remains… we can finish up here. Clean your shoes before you come inside the garden.” He shook his head sadly at Hamish, Pangbourne, Rolf and his crew, still aimlessly poking at the poor wretches with spears and sword points.
“We shouldn’t forget that these were people. People who were victims of this creature and its minions. Now clear out, so I can do my ‘Peasant Witchcraft’. If you want to watch and sneer, do so silently. This is the part I take seriously, I will tolerate no disruptions.”
The three little tykes climbed up on the wall beside him, dangling their legs over the field of scattered corpses. Just like for the musician, the coiled and thorny vines seemed to tuck themselves and their acidic, toxic berries out of the way for them.
“More funeral songs? What’re we playing, something fun?” Amy chirped happily, looking down on the dusty piles all around.
“I dunno, you really hung it all out there earlier… Do you kids have anything left?” He asked, giving Amy and Rio gentle hip bumps.
“Play something happy, I wanna do a happy one.” She sang, while her brothers nodded.
“Can I still mess with the normies and nobles?” The hope and childlike joy on his face weakened the kids’ resolve.
“Ok, as long as it’s fun.” Rio finally agreed.
“Sweet! You kids are the best! Shai, We’re doing it…”
Gary called into the house.
Tallum’s bass started thumping a complex line, making hips dip all over the inn. Something about the swaggering, cocky rhythm shook the inhibitions from listeners, even after such a strange day.
Ivy’s drum was metronome steady, crashing the cymbals occasionally, while tapping a smooth, catchy shuffle on the snares.
Amy’s voice rose into the dizzying heights only she, dolphins and Mariah Carey occupy, shattering the evening with a triumphant wail.
Her smile got wider, even as she started tying her lips in a knot, rattling out the tongue twisting lyrics, like she was getting paid by the word.
Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk!
I'm a woman's man, no time to talk!
Music loud and women warm, I've been kicked around,
Since I was born!
And now it's alright, it's okay!
And you may look the other way!
Her frenetic energy spurred Tallum and Ivy on, taking it faster around the track. Wilf and Rio took backup vocals, while sharing the bongos for more percussion, for more disco.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'!
And we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive!
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive!
*ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!*
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive!
*ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!*
“Ohh yeah, the Bee Gees…” Gary gasped, as his familiar shadows stood up in the empty corpses and began marching back whence they came. He sat down on a garden bench looking pale, as the army of the dead danced their way back to the graveyard on the other side of the ruined city.
“Keep it going with ‘You Make Me Feel Like Dancing’ and ‘You Should be Dancing’, Leo Sayer can sandwich right in there.” He sagged a little and shook his arms out, as if to wake them up. “Keep it going kids, I’m just gonna meditate a little.”
In a moment Shai was there, poking at him gingerly. “Are ye well, hae ye overreached?”
“Keep playing love, I’m just running low on Mana and my shadow is off dancing in other people’s bones. I’ll be fine in a little while. I could have made the bodies jump into the pool, but sending them back empty makes a statement.”
“Are ye sure… ye look pale.” She grumbled.
“Just keep playing…” He murmured happily. “Hey kids, last song on the setlist, Andy Gibb, ‘Shadow Dancing’... I’m gonna take a break.”
He leaned back with a beatific smile and closed his eyes for a nice disconap.
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