Ch: 204 Minor Blues
‘...you were just floating in the void, orbiting this closed world for a surprisingly long time, even by our standards. We simply gave you a task and sent you in, as we have so very many others before.” Beast said gently, his voice of whippoorwills and sweet nightlarks was soothing and calming. Sadly, Gary was not having it.
“So it’s ok to tinker with my soul and send me toddling off to do your bidding, ‘cause you do it all the time, to lots of people?” He snarled at the invisible presence, lingering in his shady grove.
‘We are Beast, that is our role and function. We are the animate spark, the desire to survive, thrive and grow… and the ending, soft and quiet, or loud and sudden. This world and thus you, only drew our gaze so fully in order to correct this imbalance. We needed a tool, you were right there, begging to be used…’
“I was asking for it? What was I wearing? Did I walk on the wrong side of town at night?” He barked at the deity.
‘In many ways, yes…’
Gary reached into a nonexistent pocket and came out holding an imaginary order pad, he licked the tip of an invisible pencil and began scribbling on his own palm like a diner waitress who has had enough of your nonsense.
“All right, we have ‘I do this all the time, it’s my divine right and a side of victim blaming and shaming… Would you like to eat a dick with that?”
The level of disrespect was pretty appalling, but Beast had a very decentralized Ego. That was going to be tested, at length.
‘Mortal souls are our tools, just as I am part of the great engine that keeps the universe running…’ The spirit of all life whispered calmly on the cool night breeze. ‘We are really trying here. See? We even used one of your technological metaphors…’
“Yeah, thanks, super relatable… back to dicking me in the soul hole, while I was passed out…” Things were not improving as the conversation progressed.
‘No one penetrated anyone with anything. We gave you a gift, or three… to move your soul in a productive direction, that is all. This is what gods do, local gods or beings such as we. Maintaining the delicate balance between entropy and stagnation, light and darkness, everything and nothing at all is our duty.’
The boy found yelling at Beast to be super unsatisfying so he made an effort to calm down… “So why do I have all these other fingies in my holes? So many gods seem to have been knuckles deep in me, I feel like the only bowling ball at the rec center.”
‘To be fair, you had a lot of holes to stick things in, to continue your metaphor. Most souls who are ejected into the void cannot be accessed so easily. They close up, sealing themselves inside the living Animus until it fades and they drift on to the next life, unknowing and only slightly changed by the journey.’ He whispered sadly.
‘Yours was a ragged, desperate thing, reaching and grasping at whatever came near. That drew our gaze, as well as the Devourer’s… you are so feisty and angry.’
“Aaaand, we’re back to making your actions, all about the state of me. Not helpful bro.” He complained, but more calmly. “Now you are going to tell me it was for my own good?”
‘Yes.’ Beast answered… and said no more. The presence fled, leaving him alone in the little moonlit tanglewood on his back lot.
“Sir Pangbourne… is spying on your host one of the knightly virtues?” Gary asked, as he collected his flute from beside the boulder he had been sitting on.
“I heard music… and one side of a conversation… were you really conversing with the god of Beasts?” He asked quietly.
“What did Violet say? I know you asked her first.” He sank back onto his boulder wearily and sighed, while motioning Frank to sit on a fallen log nearby.
“She said you have been touched by the gods, a large number of gods. Eponna?” He murmured helplessly. “I’ve been out of my depth since I was sent to this wedding boondoggle.”
“Sent? I thought you were lord of your domain.” The lad asked cluelessly. Sweet, funky smelling smoke drifted across the little thicket, as his pipe made an appearance
“Really?” Frank demanded in startled amusement. “A few houses, like Sheng, Belen and Rummel can stand on their strength of arms, wealth or the depth of their connection to the people and truly rule.” He took the offered pipe, puffed it back to life and rubbed his face briskly.
“The rest of us are constantly struggling to keep our lands defended. Beasts and monsters are a constant problem that must be managed and suppressed, above and beyond the threats that War’s legion faces.” He had a sour look on his face now, bitter and angry.
“That usually means hiring mercenaries, since my house has no warbands. We hire either Belen’s or the bands run by merchant consortiums and private indenture holders. It’s a costly proposition and unavoidable. The drain on our house coffers from hiring mercenaries is so great, we can’t create our own indentured warbands.”
“So hiring other people’s slave soldiers is so expensive, you can’t afford to buy your own? That’s pretty rough… oh, wait, I’m one of those slaves.” Frank ignored the jibe, continuing his tale.
“When I was touched by Beast, my house was over the moon with happiness, for different reasons. My father hoped my familiar would be a draft horse, or a donkey, to help in the orchards and winery. Great aunt Frances, who actually rules the house, was hoping for a destrier like Annie. She was also disappointed, though that is her natural state…”
“I think I see where this is going.” Gary murmured, while stuffing the pipe with something new.
“Yes, when I displayed talent with the sword and lance, she sent us off to squire with duke Holloman. He’s a ball of dough now, but he was formidable then… his friendship and subservience to Belen have weakened the man and his realm.”
“So that’s how you know Timarch Holloman…” Gary grumbled disapprovingly.
“The younger brother is a fool… but a man in my position has few choices in peers and Holloman’s connection to Belen made my aunt happy. So I cultivated a friendship with him… though he is tiresome.”
“So what’s the problem? You’re the baronet, tell them to sit and spin.” Gary’s eyes were so narrow, even in the dim thicket it was hard to tell if he was even awake.
“Careful… that one is dangerous.”
Frank scoffed slightly as he took the freshly loaded pipe.
“I’m from a small house in a small domain, we are largely just farmers and herders… even my father. He walks his orchard every day, tends his vines and brews his wine… He never even thinks about his time as lord of Stonedale.”
“So why the high and mighty routine. It felt fake and weird.” The musician asked gently, as his fingers tapped the holes of his flute making idle, nearly silent music.
“Farmer knights are not… if I let them glimpse hay in my hair, I’ll never be anything else in their eyes.” He looked a little embarrassed and shy, in the suddenly very bright seeming thicket. “Now I’ll be a laughingstock who was beaten out of his armor by a teenager a head shorter than he.”
“That was you that Rolf hammered into goo? Is that why you wear War trooper armor?” The lunatic puffed a few times in stupid bliss. “I did the same thing to him when we first met. Stove in his armor and hung him up to dry in a berry bramble… then his older sister put my lights out like I was a babe in arms on a fresh titty.” He passed the pipe back to Frank.
“Waking up sore in my bath is nothing new. Hell, I practically invented waking up all fucked up and confused.”
“That fails to soothe my injured pride.” Frank mumbled. “When did I put on a hat?” He asked, groping at his bare head.
“Yeah, I know… just let it happen.” Gary whispered as his scalp shrank three sizes. “Fucking Liam and his headband hybrids.”
“It feels good.” Frank mumbled, as his log became super comfortable.
“Yeah, but busting my brother’s chops feeds the soul… now I want snacks… there had better be snacks.” He gripped Frank by the shoulder and gently dragged him out of the woods and into the sunshine.
“Yeah… snacks…” Frank mumbled, when his eyes fell on lady Emma, playing with the kids by the pool.
#
Together, the little family retired to the workshop, down below. With a wink and a nudge, the pianoforte joined them, with Gary at the bench. “I know you kids are worried about Wolfie, but I promise you he’s ok. He’s safe in whatever world he’s currently alive in, or waiting to be born in. Our friends are just tiny pieces of them and magic… and me.”
Slowly, he began ‘Fur Elise’, tinkling the sweet melody. A moment later Wolfgang joined him on the bench, making it a duet… one that Gary wasn’t qualified to be in. He smiled and slipped away, letting Waller take over.
“See? As long as we have the music, he’s immortal. Our job is to make sure everyone remembers them. All of them!”
The tiny family was swarmed by the shades of the beloved dead: Starman, Deano, Frankie, Sammy and Ludwig, the whole firmament of stars came out for a jam sesh, sweeping the kids off until bedtime.
#
“Why does it feel like the floor is vibrating?” Jake asked, while hoisting a mug to the memory of poor Maddie. It was his policy to never speak ill of the dead, nor to lie about them… That could draw the attention of the unseelie fae, so a silent toast in her memory would have to do.
“When I asked, Liam said something about Gypsy Jazz… I don’t know who that is, or why she would be shaking the floor.” Trent muttered.
This story has been taken without authorization. Report any sightings.
“Some spirit or sidhe of the house, no doubt. Best to pour out a libation and set a bit of bread and honey at the door before bed.” Jake warned. “My gran always warned that the fae could become tricksey if you displease them… and this house is certainly queer.”
“Oh, a man of culture, I see.” A tiny woman with a short brown pixie cut and the most startling purple eyes clambered up onto a stool at the bar, with liquid grace and terrible dignity.
“Pop open that clay jug I spy, lurking at the back of the cupboard and pour out a draught for a thirsty dryad, young man.” Plumeria fluttered her lashes at the two young men and smiled so as to nearly stop their hearts.
“Not even a drop of glamor… young men are just too easy…” She sighed happily, when the boys finished preparing a snack for her.
“Meria! Welcome back, it’s been a while!” Ivy cheered when she finally spotted the tiny woman in immaculate purple and golden amber robes.
“Silly child, Generations of your people might live and die between visits from one such as I…” She pronounced archly from her barstool. “Immortal dryads do not apsheere… asphere… show up when humans say so!” She wobbled on her stool, in affronted dignity. “Bring back that jug Tallum Harlanson! I will curse you with my arts! Drat, there are too many of him to curse… and they are all blurry.”
Ivy patted the immortal on the shoulder and gave her a sidehug. “I know sweetie… He’s a lot, but he’s mine so no curses, ok?”
“Very well sweet Ivy… for you. Now put me over your bed. I’m sleepy and would recover in your light.” The drunken spirit whispered softly. “I always feel so warm and welcome in this house…” She gave a dignified burp that smelt of sweet summer days and very rough liquor.
“I have come to speak with Gary, here in the mortal world… that there might be no mizzrepretin… misspliterp… So I will be clear.” She finished forcefully.
“Yes Plumeria, you are very wise… come on off to bed, you can talk to Gary and Shai in the morning.” Ivy soothed the Eternal Plumgrove, as she carried her off to bed.
“Perhapsh a nightcap… jusht a dram… that honeyed pear brandy…”
Ivy shut the door on the potted plant and sighed. “I Can’t believe this is my life now.”
#
“I can’t believe this is my life now…” Gary mumbled groggily. Everything had been banished from the workshop, save Shai and Tallum’s workbenches and forge. Everything else was pillows and cushions, beanbags and papasans.
Ghost musicians from a dozen cultures and almost every era were thumping, tooting or twanging along in a smooth jazz perambulation around the key of D. The shades were jamming on a wide array of musical instruments, some real, some formed of shadowstuff.
Django, Jimmi and Les were jamming at the head of the pack, taking the music in all the right latin, french and jazz directions.
His kids were taking turns, bouncing in the pillowpit of doom, or joining the wandering jam on their instruments. Becky was currently Princess of the pillowpit, with her fearsome lackey Rio at her side, repelling all challengers.
Frustrated and determined, Wilf and Amy grabbed him by the hands, one child to each pinky finger, and dragged him up. “You havta help, Shai’s dancin, but with you on our side it might just be even…” Amy explained, while stuffing his clothes with pillows to form a crude cushionmail suit.
“It’s a little hard to walk in…” He complained while being driven forward by the two heartless brats.
“You just have to stand there… meatshield.” Wilf announced in his creepy, grown man voice. That was when the bombardment started. In a torrential storm of brocade and chenille, Gary stood; a bulwark in the flood, impervious, immoveable, immobile, stuffed with too many cushions. He couldn’t even fall down, some devious brats had buttoned him in with pillows, rolled up blankets and throws.
“No fair, you’re out!” Rio shouted, as Gary took another brutal pillowing around the head and shoulders.
“I know I’m out… I’m stuck here!” He yelled, once his mouth was free of loose cotton.
Their siege engine was just the nudge Wilf and Amy needed to win the day and subjugate Pillowpit into greater Cushiontopia and bring peace to the divided land…
“...for now. Turmoil always lurks in the soft cottony clouds of complacency…” Gary narrated in his best Morgan Freeman impression. “…like moths in your underwear drawer, quietly nibbling away at your foundations. Or so the scholars and historians say.”
Amy and Wilf clapped and hooted when he finished recording their victory on the tapestry of pillowar, with his silly magical tricks.
“Ok, can you let me loose now? Where did you brats find so many real pillows anyway?”
#
The little family dragged themselves upstairs and immediately migrated farther upstairs to their chambers… With only nominal apologies and excuses for the lapse in hospitality.
Gary had relaxed his strictures on beer and wine, so no one really gave two shits what they did, as long as nothing uncanny or dangerous was popping off. Well, more than the usual level of uncanny anyway.
From the upstairs big bed, they slept their way to a more rarefied space, all together. There was a pleasantly startling jolt, in some interesting spiritual spaces, when they all landed together in a giggling, wiggling, clump.
“That was fun! Do we have’ta wait til tomorrow night to do it again?” Amy demanded.
“We shall see, lass… mayhap If ye are good fer naptime…” Shai began.
“Oh yeah, naptime! I forgot about that!” She chirped, conveniently missing anything about being good.
Down in the garden, most of the gods were notably absent. Even the outsider tourists that came nosing around from time to time in the company of the various visiting fae, were gone.
Only Thirp, Ducky and Eponna were still there… and the other two looked nervous about the goddess of Fleet Hooves.
She came forward and tossed her mane of luxurious starlit skies, displaying her very well defined curves and valleys, in a distinct challenge. Fortunately she was in horse form, but it was still pretty weirdly hot.
“Ok, kids… Run and play, I gotta talk to ‘Ponna about stuff.”
When the little ones had scampered off to fill Angie and Grace in on all the scary details, Gary turned on the three gods. “All right, we can talk… but first.” He shifted his gaze to the blonde godling. “Tighten it up please Ducks, your feelings are leaking and making me have weird horse related thoughts…”
Shai gently cuffed him to the back of the head, just like old times… but then she gave his tushie a goose, which was even better.
“She do be a magnificent being, in all…” Shai murmured happily.
“Meh, I’ve seen hotter.” He lied awfully, as usual.
A couch and loveseat appeared, as they settled in for a garden chinwag.
“This is the part where you tell me that meddling with my soul was for my own good…” Gary began, choosing chaos at the outset. “Or are you going to roll deep and just say it was your right to do it?”
“Both, fool. For both are true, it was my right, my duty and my privilege to touch your essence and shape it just a little. It was for your own good as well.” She said, once settled in across from him in human form; relaxed in her casual and unselfconscious nudity.
“You make some compelling arguments… but showing me your boobies will only get you so far.” He said with a saucy grin. Shai checked him again, this time with an elbow to the ribs and by pushing his favorite bits of her closer to his face… that was nice.
I’m less upset about the meddling, that’s what gods do I guess… it’s the sneakiness. You guys all felt so familiar and… familiar, when you showed up, it felt like we vibed. Now I find out it was just a trick.”
“No trick, boy. None could touch you, with whom you did not ‘vibe’. There are no ways around that law, even for mighty Beast… Though few are able to deny his call. Only beings with whom you could, or would Contract were able to touch you, like me.”
She exhaled through her nose and tossed her hair in a very distracting way. Shai followed that play as avidly as he did, but she pinched his bottom anyway.
“Why do you think that my children have always watched over you? Gods know your kind need all the help they can get… Especially at the beginning.”
“So you’ve done this before?” He asked carefully.
“Ever so very many times… you are the first to actually let us back in… you should learn to pick locks, you might be good at it.” She gave a delicate winneying laugh that was the opposite of sinister.
“I’m going to let this thing go, ‘cause it feels like if I picked out all the stitches you clowns put in me… I’d come completely unraveled. Tell the rest to come out of hiding, the candystore is still open.”
“Oh, thank all the gods… and me too!” Marduk gasped. “If you’d shut them out we might have had an actual rebellion in the pantheon!”
Gary’s head snapped around, with a hungry look in his eye. “Rebellion?”
“That’s not a good thing, not for anyone, not for the world. The chaos that would be unleashed would bring floods, fires and earthquakes… after the titanic storms that could last years and wipe whole continents bare of soil.”
“So I just let War, Order and Craft fingerpuppet my B-hole and smile?”
“He really does talk about his anus a lot.” Eponna remarked.
“Gary, to be clear, your soul has no butthole. No one ‘fingered’ it, you’re making this awkward for those of us without biologicals. That’s very mortalist of you, I thought this was a welcoming and inclusive space…”
“Fuck you Ducky. I love the energy though.” He smiled at his little deity and ruffled his hair. Divine curls felt amazing on his fingies. Shai dragged him back by the collar and halfway into her lap, where she gave his hair a ruffling.
“Thank you, Shai.” Ducky cooed. “As I was saying, Craft, Order and War categorically refused to touch you, despite certain compatibilities. Order had some valid issues… but nothing he hasn't overlooked before. Craft was adamant, for no apparent reason, however.”
“And War?” He asked, from his most comfyiest spot on Shai’s lap.
“War accepts all, rejects none and pursues no one. He simply followed Order and Craft, for some reason.” Ducky answered, while attempting to replicate their position with Eponna. “Ohh, my! That is nice!”
“Try running thy fingers through his hair, tis the best part…” Shai murmured to the horse goddess on the loveseat.
The spider goddess trilled a gay song on her harp. “Well, since peace has been reestablished… I’m off to hunt some of your silly little apes. Dj has been dressing them in amusing costumes lately!” Thirp sang happily.
The mellow and mildly sexy vibes summoned the toddling trio of terror like ants to a picnic. Gary got pretty thoroughly trampled in the process of everyone else making themselves comfortable. He took it with a smile, he had two kidneys, but only three kids. That math added up just fine. “Hey, Wilf… no boots in the snuggle pile, or my abdomen.”
#
“Beast has been absolutely insufferable since the boy started letting deities reach through him…” Lime complained tartly, the other citrus sisters nodded along. “Has anyone winkled out his end game yet?”
“Beast keeps council with the multitude he is… any one of us might know and be unaware. Even we, who are multifarious, cannot comprehend the vastness of Beast.” Cherry opined sweetly, nodding graciously to the emissaries from the councils of herb and grass, Banana and Sago bowed serenely in the understory. “I hear with regret, that Cannabis could not attend, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em!”
She giggled through perfect red lips and sighed. “I always wanted to say that.”
#
“So I actually got to say, ‘I am legion’ to that chump… oh man… good times. Then she tried for my kids and I had to get rough. The Devourer is living its best life though.” Gary murmured softly.
“It’s… it’s pink? I’ve never seen it go pink before.” Aclintherios murmured softly. It wasn’t really him, just an avatar, like most of the gods used.
“I can’t tell if you’re happy or worried?” Gary wondered at the fragment of the spider god’s will.
“Yes.” The figure wavered and dissipated with an apologetic wave of his fangs… or he planned to bite, next time they met.
“Gods… always with the last word…” He shouted into the void.
“Yes.” Drifted back on a cosmic breeze that smelled like a garden in spring.
“So fucking cool…” He whispered into the dark. “Betcha let me have the last word on that one.” He muttered smugly.
“Yes” it was so faint as to be almost his imagination, but for that sweet smell of first cutting of a fresh new lawn.
“Was that Akli… Awww, he’s nice.” Amy murmured as she stretched and put her big toe in his nose.
“Gnyea, he’s Gnice… move Gnyour foot pgnlease.”
They wriggled free together and wandered off to talk. “What words did you use on Maddie?” He asked gently. “It wasn’t your fault, she did some bad things with bad intent. A bad thing found her… then she found a bad end. That’s the cycle of bad.”
Amy nodded wisely, this was old knowledge...
“What words, baby?” He prodded her carefully.
“I used Shed first, just like you said… that was when she hurt Amadeus.” She botched the pronunciation perfectly, just as he’d taught her.
“Perfect… I knew you would… Shed calls the attention of the divine and luminous prince, protector of africa’s children. All of them, which is all of us. That brings the beloved dead to your aid.” He nodded happily. “That’s especially strong when all three of you are together.”
“All six.” She corrected gently.
“Yes dear.” That was the only answer that fit right now, so he just hugged her.
“Then I use Kek to shroud her in her own dark emotions made manifest. Her inner conflict shouldn’t have hurt her…” Amy sobbed a little. She hadn’t liked Maddie, not even a little… but still.
“That’s perfect, you did perfect. Now, I’m not mad, you didn’t hurt anybody and hardly anything real got damaged…” He took a deep breath and faced his cute, perfect little daughter. “How did you blow up our house… I feel like I should know about that right away.”
She looked down and fidgeted a little. “I used something new…” She stopped talking and blushed bright purple.
“It was Ipet again, it’s ok… I wish she would talk to me, instead of teaching you new words behind my back.” He complained.
“She can’t talk to you, cause you’re not a little boy anymore and not a man… cause you can’t make babies.” She frowned. “She says once I’m grown, she won’t be able to talk to me, cause I won’t be able to make babies! These rules are dumb.”
“Yes they are, often hurtful as well. Rules are a blunt instrument, often wielded by small people. That’s why it’s ok to break the rules, when it’s important. Just like you did, baby.” He pulled her in for another squeeze or two.
“Now tell me about this word.”
“Vihiṃ…-” Gary’s finger flashed out, stilling her lips, before things could get messy.
“Carefully, tell me about this word.” He said with a smile.
“Vhimsa is ‘violence’, the essence of violence in some old language… Ipet said if I was angry and wanted them to feel it, I should use that. I was really angry. She wanted to eat us, all of us.” She exclaimed, getting a little fired up. “And she wasn’t even hungry, just bored!” His little songbird had talons in her voice.
“Control darling… It’s ok to have feelings, but we need to control how and when they manifest.” He smiled and started the familiar ritual. “With great power…”
“Comes great corruption. Fight The Power!” She replied, with a ferocious grin.
“That’s my girl.” He said with pride.
#