Ch: 44 To The Victor, The Spoiled
Things stayed strangely quiet until almost third bell. The bathers were still scattered around the common room looking exhausted and not talking much.
Liam had staggered over from the dorm just after first, while Tawny showed up soon after looking perky.
The Tallum-Ivy combo were still missing and presumed sleeping in their room downstairs at the inn.
A rotating cast of friends kept the newest Bather entertained with songs, stories and games.
Amy rapidly made herself the focal point of the entire room’s activities, using her charm and inexhaustible energy to prod her sleepy elders into motion, however briefly.
Gary let that unfold, Amy was making a home for herself in these people, shoving herself into the mix with simple and joyous fun.
When the ‘cop knock’ hit his front door Gary nearly jumped out of his clothes. He stomped to the door, instantly cranky. He opened the peephole and grunted with displeasure.
Gary slammed the portal wide and sat down on his stoop with a disdainful grunt. “Whatcha want, we have plans for today.”
On the patio stood six robed figures, two clerics each in the voluminous formal robes of Order, War and Craft. Order spoke first, his face concealed by his robes of office.
“We have come to lodge a grievance against the temple of Knowledge, for violation of sacred law.”
“Great, when you find the temple, give them my bill for god lodgings. He is really going to town on room service.” Gary said with an infuriating smile. “The little guy is a great guest.”
“This is the temple of Knowledge you buffoon, where is this new high priestess of Knowledge? This Becky?” One of War’s hooded priests growled.
“I thought we came to treat with this high priest of Secret?” A smooth and familiar voice said from Craft’s robes.
“Gunnar? You do house-calls?” Gary groped at his messy hair comically. “Did Shai send up the barber signal? That’s a thing you have right?”
“As for Becky, she is here, I will ask if she is interested in speaking to you. Gunnar, if you have human business come on in. You guys… I don’t know you. Drop the hoods or get lost.”
The other Craft hood dropped, revealing master smith Harlan, looking sheepish and embarrassed.
“Harlan, Get in here man! Shai is getting a slow start this morning.”
An older man with smiling eyes and a permanent frown created by a network of burns across his neck and lower face dropped his red hood immediately when asked, Gary enjoyed that. “Anglin of War.” He growled, but his eyes were bright and lively despite appearances.
He ran a wary eye over the still hooded forms as Gunnar and Harlan strolled past. “Nobody gets in until I see a face. Humans and living sentients only, house rules. Violators will be drowned in my bath.”
Two more hoods dropped; a hard faced, olive skinned man with short cropped salt and pepper hair fairly screamed order and rigidity. Down the way stood Helene of War.
All eyes turned to the remaining gray robe, standing rigid as Gary strummed softly on his mandolin. “Hello little one, we will get you right out of there.”
“IVY! DRUMS!”
Thunder rolled that bright morning beside the bath. When the storm ended, Gary, Shai, Amy and Becky pulled their new sibling into the world together.
“I don’t even have anything stuck in my teeth this time, we are getting good at this” Gary enthused, while Tawny checked over Wilford B Ward, pronouncing him in good health.
“I dinnae plan fer so many boy!” Shai fussed happily, bouncing Wilford on her hip.
The small platoon of priests were drinking tea and huddling in their robes by the fire pit, no doubt thinking about recent developments.
#
“We no longer have a balanced number of complainants, we need two more from Craft and one from Order.” Fargnahan of Order complained. “This group is now entirely unbalanced.”
Harlan and Gunnar both looked sharp at that. “Are we nae tae yer liking? Suren none other of Craft will risk a visit. An ye mislike that we know them, tis yer trouble.”
“I am satisfied with this party. We may continue, the loss of one member is acceptable, particularly considering the member… Order.” Anglin grumbled. “Helene has no objection either.” He snarled, silencing her as she prepared to speak. “Let us either begin or end this foolishness.”
#
The Bathers were taking turns, passing Wilford around the group and chattering happily. Amy looked so proud she could barely stand it. She followed her new brother around the group like a kitten behind a leaky cow.
Just as Wilford found his way back to Gary’s arms, netting him an additional arm full of Amy, with a Becky and Shai on the side, someone had to ruin the moment.
“We have come to lay suit against the temple of Knowledge for violation of sacred law. Bring forth high priest Gary of Secret and priestess Becky of Knowledge to face our charge.” Fargnahan shouted, making the baby cry.
Gary passed both little ones to Shai’s waiting arms, while he conjured his robes of office. Helene stiffened in outrage at the sight of his brown bigfoot onesie with enormous footie slippers. The menacing viola did little to soothe her fears.
“I’m Gary, first and only cultist of Secret… the dead god.” He said with a delightful air of menace, thanks to Shai manipulating the lighting behind him.
“Becky is high priestess of Knowledge, you would rather talk to her, especially today. I don’t have any human flesh in my teeth yet… that is how these things usually end up, right Tony?”
“I’m afraid so.” Tony said from the sidelines, saluting his superior with a coffee mug. “Talk to Becky. That’s not the law, just good advice.”
In her brown horsie slippers with Clippity Clop Castanet™ action, Becky came skipping up in her usual dress of autumn colors, yellow orange and brown; she was topped off by a garland of spring flowers from the garden.
She gave a sweet and demure wiggle fingered wave to the scary grownups before shyly asking; “How can I help you honored clerics?”
“Is this some foolish jape? Bring out this cursed ‘priestess of Knowledge’ that we may end this farce.” Fargnahan snarled at Becky.
She flopped back on her heels, landing on a pink and purple divan with tasseled pillows all around. “I’m Becky, High priestess of Knowledge, we tried polite, now you get what I can be bothered to give you..”
She waved impatiently. “Get on with it. Paradigmes to subvert, entrenched interests to confound, it's all very busy.”
Fargnahan sputtered, huffed and finally went for it.
“It is reported that no fewer than twenty two individuals between the ages of fifteen and twenty years in the environs of Wheatford were offered Contract by an entity purporting to be the god Knowledge.” He sneered.
“There is no such god. Your unauthorized and illegal cult is not to be tolerated in civilized lands.” Fargnahan crossed his arms over his chest and smiled a very cold grimace in a thin disguise.
“Interesting. Now ask if I care. Anybody else got anything?” Becky sounded very bored, despite enjoying every moment of it.
“Child,” Fargnahan snapped. “I can and will have you excommunicated from all recognized cults and sever any or all of your legitimate divine Contracts with ease. Do not tempt me.”
“You can do that? Sever a divine contract?” Becky snapped right back.
His smirk was insufferable, reminding her of Brennan and the horsies. “That is within my power as head of this temple of Order. Do not trifle with me girl.”
“Great, cut Liam’s Contract with War and we can talk.” She said with a pleasant smile. A stunned Liam was pushed forward by the sheer force of Tallum’s enormous grin, and his huge hands.
“I will not be dictated to by some waif with one Contract with a minor spirit and a known mooncalf.” He announced boldly. “Tony, gather a platoon and clear out this nest of vipers immediately.”
“I will not. The god Order commands me, be still. Do you not hear him shouting?” Tony asked mildly.
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Fargnahan turned to his fellow priests who stared at him in wonder.
“Really, lord Fargnahan, Craft has been refusing to say anything beyond ‘don’t piss the boy off’ all this time. I only came along because they are just too adorable.” Gunnar said happily.
“An I ever needed an excuse tae visit me own daughter, I kinnae deny one so fitting.” Harlan said mildly. “I should nae hae come in company with such filth as ye did bring, lord Fargnahan.” He ground his enormous teeth at the older priest.
“An it were nae me second grandchild’s birth day, I should strike thee down fer her sake. She be a good girl and would nae do murder on clergy under her own roof.”
“War has no complaint in this case. We come in solidarity with brother Order… who seems absent.” Anglin’s growl seemed growlier, it was hard to tell, but his eyes were not smiling at Fargnahan.
Helene began to speak and was silenced. “No one cares about your bath or who sang a mean song. We are War, not Manners or Niceties. Settle your complaint in blood or let it go, War commands this.”
He snapped his fingers loudly once. “Call for a duel and settle this now or stifle it forever Helene.” That was extra growly for sure.
After an acute few seconds of silence she deflated sadly.
All eyes now turned to Fargnahan. “You seem strangely uninterested in the fate of your unnamed companion my lord.” Gunar said smoothly as only a super smoothie with advanced studies in smooth could.
“Whom do you speak of? We five came here together against my recommendations, this group is completely unbalanced!” He bleated, deeply upset and confused. “Do you not recall me saying such, mere minutes ago?”
Gary sighed and put his viola up to his chin. “Give it up guys, he’s been gaslit so hard he cant see the sun anymore. Come on Fargnie, bath time. Let's soak your head.”
The first few bars of ‘White Rabbit’ seized him in their gentle clutches and walked him to the private pool. The clergy and Bathers followed along as he slowly danced in Gary’s clutches, sinking into the waters with a relaxed sigh.
“All the way under I think buddy.” He obligingly sank beneath the roiling green water, emerging a moment later.
He smiled pleasantly, then vomited a huge volume of clear, sticky goo into the pool, where it fizzed away without fanfare.
Still smiling pleasantly he looked up at Gary. “Hello, where am I, young man? Oh Gunnar! Where the deuce is this?”
He paddled over to Gunnar and the confused priests. “I’m in that public bath I keep hearing about it seems. Odd place this. Have I been sick? My sinuses are atrocious.”
#
“Thank you for taking him to the private pool Gary.” Tawny said softly, when she cornered Gary. The confused lord had been dressed, taken home and tucked in bed without further scenes being made.
“Lord Fargnahan is not a bad man, just rigid and apparently under some influence. You spared him much embarrassment. He will not forget that, I will see to it, since he seems unable to remember.”
“Really, I wasn’t sure how much of him was gonna dissolve, and there’s kids in the big pool. He can eat a dick.” Gary said just as softly. “Never trust rich people, they always suck.”
“I’m the heir to a duchy, Gary,” She sighed. “you are rich beyond counting once you can trade for coin. Gods, those rings alone are worth their weight in… well they are already silver. A lot Gary. A lot.”
“I can’t be rich, whoever buys me, that guy is rich. I’m a slave. A very angry slave with a history of violence. I don’t think there are many happy endings for sweet Shai and silly Gary if we play your game.”
“Point taken. Thank you anyway.” Tawny said mildly, declaring victory in some indefinable way that still left him feeling like he owed her one.
“Jennah taught you that.” He said, both miffed and impressed.
“No, My grandmother did, Mother never learned the trick of it.” She leaned close, letting her scent of lavender and honey tickle his nose. “Be nice, or I will teach it to Shai.” She whispered, before giggling and running off in a very un-Tawny way.
“Ohh shit.” He whispered to no one.
#
Shai had Rolf Belen in his underthings, down in the workshop. Repairing the repair to his armor had become a major undertaking.
“T’was foolish enough tae tangle wi me man in any case, did ye hae to take yer armor ta some hamfisted rube fer repair?” She grumbled.
Tis now a matter of cutting an welding, nae just a bit o hammer, a re-temper and polish. A week. Less, an Gary will deign tae help wi it. Ye did cross him fouly though.”
He sighed so deeply he seemed even smaller after.
“There is no spare armor my size, save squire’s armor. I shall have to be out of uniform for the feast of Craft. This was my first year to officiate too. Perhaps someone else will cover for me.”
At fifteen, Rolf Belen was the youngest justiciar knight in several generations. Accepting three Contracts with Order and one with War while most of his peers struggled with any two.
Shai’s heart went out to the tiny bronze boy. “I shall have thee repaired ere the first bell o feast day, Rolf. Scoot I must rope Gary and Tallum in fer this job.”
#
Gary finally caught Shai alone in the workshop, she had some secret project under way.
Gary kicked off his gift, waited for her hips to shimmy in time and they got to work, singing nonsense rhymes and short couplets about trading tools. Tallum came down and joined in, helping Shai seamlessly.
A gentle waterfall of silver notes joined their work song, turning to a triumphant wail as Gary finished his project.
“A haunted plumwood stratoblaster, Ironwood neck, monster bone frets and nut, pure silver resonator disk. All the goods, plus a few nasty surprises to keep our boy rockin’ when the monsters come knockin’.”
It was a beautiful nightmare, rich golden hues of dark honey and swirls of wild purple brown grain covered the body of the instrument, all rounded curves and deceptive points and edges. The strings seemed to float in a strange half light of their own, while the jewels of the controls glinted with harsh reality.
“Gods, that is hard to look at.” Tallum said, blinking vigorously.
“It be hard tae look away frae too.” Shai whispered, reaching out for it.
“That’s the haunted part. Only people who the musician finds sexy will be drawn to the player, it works both ways round lover…” Gary said with a naughty wink. “I didn’t enchant that, it’s something about the plum canker burlwood. It’s just… sexy. Think Liam will like it?” Gary asked sleepily.
“Is it a Contract instrument?” Becky asked softly from behind.
“How long have you been there?” Tallum asked, while Gary and Shai climbed back down from the rafters. She had both little ones in a small conjured room with soundproof walls in the corner.
“About an hour, Wilford wouldn’t stop crying until we were all together.” She said patiently. “Is that a Contract instrument?”
“Nope, regular enchantments and some special goodies, but no Contract.” He said happily. “I don’t make those by accident anymore. I still have a few that need homes I can trust… and Liam still hasn't accepted his.”
“You promised Dannyl a Contract and me too, are you backing out just because Knowledge formed Contracts with Dannyl, Liam and Tallum last night?”
“Wait, was that what those dudes wanted? Man, show me an eldritch abomination imprisoning a child in torment and I just stop listening to people.” He said sourly. “I had a lot coming in fast, nobody told me.”
He clapped Tallum on the shoulder. “Congratulations guy! Liam and Dannyl too. No surprise, Liam is nuts for herbs, plants and healing lore, if he could read, good luck keeping him from becoming a physician. Dannyl is too smart to stay dumb.”
“We’ve been working on Dannyl’s Contract for a while. It’s almost ready, just a few kinks to work out. Wanna see?” Gary giggled insanely.
Shai bustled over and shut the door between the sleeping little ones and whatever her pet madman was about to unleash.
Gary conjured a massive oak log, three feet in diameter. He grinned wildly and grabbed the handle of something that looked like Dannyl’s favored chain whip.
A semi rigid bar of flat linked plates and rods, it was flexible in some directions, rigid in others and toothed with sharp serrated points all over.
This one had a strange protruding disk guard and was made of bronze; a far too soft and malleable metal to be used as a weapon this way.
Gary grinned and a soft sound started, a quiet thrum in the air. With glee he began lashing the huge stump with his weapon, gouging out monstrous bites of tough lumber with each swing.
After a few minutes, the sound stopped and the room ceased vibrating in harmony a moment later. “The final version will have enchanted steel links, it should be quiet too.”
“Thought you didn’t make Contract weapons Gary.” Becky said coldly.
“I said I wouldn't make you a Contract weapon. Dannyl wants to go to War, just not as a slave. If you really want a sword or spear Ok, but think, love.” He grinned sheepishly.
“Mine really makes me wanna stab people, not just monsters, people too. Dannyl doesn’t have that problem.”
He ruffled his hands across her braids gently. “You can bring light and joy to the world. Let me and Shai do your stabbing for now.”
Becky gave a look that said she was at least thinking about it. “Love you Becks, I want what’s best for you and you know best. Ya’ grown ass woman you.”
He peered over Shai's workbench to see what had her so absorbed. “Child sized armor? Wow somebody whanged him good, right, in, the… hey!” Gary cried. “I whanged that guy!”
“He be Tawny’s brother, young and a fool, ye will get along an ye don’t murder each other. Much like Tony, he be quick of mind but nae easy tae sway wi words.”
“Shai, in the future, if I punch in someone’s breadbasket, please leave it punched in. For me? I don’t ask much.” He grinned foolishly. “Besides, you need to pull that rolled edge back, I rolled it in a mite farther when I hit him, that’s why nothing fits…”
They were already lost in the challenge of the repair job, Becky abandoned them and went back to playing her harp for the youngsters in the tiny room she created.
Gary slipped in later, on silent llama slippers and settled down on the sofa beside Becky.
“I don’t even know what time it is Becks, I’ve been spinning in circles since we got back.” He pulled her into a gentle hug, careful of her playing. “Tomorrow, you, me, Shai, Amy and Wilford are gonna hang out in the town and enjoy the festival together.” He smiled wide. “Family day!”
Becky sighed, then shook her head slowly. “Festival starts the day after tomorrow, Gary. You really need some rest and quiet.”
“Where will I find any of that? We don’t even know if Wilford is a baby for real or not. Tawny’s divinations and diagnostic spells were useless.” Gary grumbled softly.
“He’s two.” Amy said with finality. “He told me so. He also wants his mommy.” She sobbed and trembled a little. “I do too, but I think she’s really far away.”
Gary scooped her up into a hug and held her gently. “We are all a long way from home, and there’s probably no way back. Shai and the other orphans are our family here, but your people back home are still just fine. We just got a little lost.” He jiggled and bounced her gently in his arms.
“We found each other and we stay together. Here is not so bad, aside from those nasty grabbyhands. But we know how to take care of them. Remember, they can’t go in the bath.” He gave her another squeeze. “Now let me get a good look at Wilford Brimley Ward.”
The bundle started struggling and wiggling while they talked, now the little guy wanted out into the world. Gary unwound him and lay the boy and blanket on Amy’s conjured daybed.
He was a burly, pudgy little pink boy with bright blue eyes and dark brown hair. He tottered onto his butt and swung himself to his feet with a quiet grunt.
“Becky!” He bawled, holding his arms wide in the universal demand to be picked up. Becky winked at Gary and carried the baby out to visit Shai in the workshop.
He put Amy on the couch beside him and pulled her close.
“We came a long way to get here, love. Those grabby guys want to be mean because we aren't from here.” He draped a summoned blanket over her when she shivered.
“We have some secrets to keep, Not from family, not from the Bathers upstairs, but from strangers. Just like back home, be careful of strangers.”
He scooped her up, blanket and all, while the little nursery vanished. “Let’s all go up into the sunshine and visit the horsies.”
#
When they got back in from Annie’s place, the common room was empty, as was the house. Everyone else had wandered off on their own errands or gone home.
Luna and Khan were in their carriage house, otherwise it was just Gary, Shai and the kids. “We need a dog.” He grumbled.
“Wait a few days ere ye add tae the family, we hae been busy enough.” Shai kissed him, dumped both little ones in his lap and went off to help Becky in the kitchen.
“We must needs teach thee to cook, boy. Thirp do say yer alchemy will improve for it.” She called softly. “I must feed thee and dust thee of tae sleep again. Ye need dreamless sleep fer what comes Gary. Yer little god friend hae many things doing.”
He yawned mightily and snuggled down into the couch with his kids. “Mmm, I’m surprised he didn’t Contract Ivy too.” Gary murmured.
“Tonight be Ivy, and more besides, he do plan to offer Contract tae every eligible and compatible person he be able. The busy little fellow.” Shai chuckled in wry amusement. “The other gods be having fits, he do nae break the law since he is nae bound tae it.”
“This whole indenture and ritual Contract thing feels like a hack, or a scam. I think the whole point of the contract ritual for little kids is to find us.” He sounded desperately tired.
“It’s too perfectly designed. No maps, no books or reading, parents get pressured to Contract their kids early, so we become the other. We are suddenly less than the other kids. That makes it ok to use us, and since nobody cares… It’s really dirty.”
They ate a relatively quiet meal of leftover stew and warm bread from Ivy’s oven in the orphanage.
He yawned hugely as he followed Shai upstairs. “I bet there are more nasty tricks in play right now too. We can untangle eldritch plots after the festival.”
“Tis true, now shut yer gob an rest, ye look awful.” She kissed him and smothered him unconscious with a fistful of pollen.
#
Back downstairs, Shai dusted off her palms and smiled in satisfaction. “Come, now we must go tae bed... and tae work.”
She gathered her little family and dragged them upstairs to bed.