Ch: 200 Hell In A Bucket
“This book seems improbably long…” Jaspreet mumbled over the enormous tome.
“Yes, it can be intimidating, but take it one page at a time and see how you feel in a while.” The young woman said with a confident smile that had been far too rare, until recently.
“Becky recommended master Shakespeare and I concur… despite the surprising dearth of spears.” Angie’s excitement shone in her wide, bright eyes. “Most of the contents seem to be intended to be performed on the stage, which is also very thrilling!”
Duchess Sheng took the hefty book and set it on the spindly legged reading desk carefully, lest the delicate furniture collapse under its weight. “What of our mutual friends, do you have any nuggets to impart, just between us?” She asked gently. “I miss the children very much.”
“Wilf is very upset, he is deeply offended by the demon’s antics and wants justice for the town, as though the tragedy were still unfolding, rather than being centuries old.” She murmured quietly. “He’s a little upset that everyone else is not as upset…”
“I can see his point.” The duchess sighed. “Such wickedness is offensive and shameful, but I trust they will resolve it.”
“I think, your grace…” She hesitated for the barest moment, a heartbeat or two. “I think he plans to let the council observe whatever he has planned for the creature…”
“Ohh, dear… we may need to bring duke Belen and the local clergy in on this, my dear. Certainly we should talk to duke Rummel, his insights would be valuable… Why ever, are you smiling so, Angie?” She demanded, a blush rising to her cheeks.
“He’s the only person with any insight into… something about the paintings you said…” She trailed off, distracted by thoughts of comical art and what that might mean for the upcoming council meetings. “I’m going to need a smock, maybe a poncho.”
Her thoughtful ruminations on splatter resistant outerwear fell to pieces when Angie softly interrupted her. “Duchess Grace… If you want to visit the children and the others tonight.” She faltered and took a deep breath to continue.
“Becky said if you took one of Liam’s ‘Stone Tablets’ before bed… and slept with me, like when I was little, you could probably follow me there.” The pale, tiny girl blushed and looked at her toes, all twenty of them and sighed. “If you wanted to.”
“Nothing would please me more, my dear.” In the privacy of her chambers, Grace took the tiny waif in her arms and unloaded a massive, smothering, mothering hug that went on almost too long and not quite long enough.
#
Khan, Pete, Chet and Hamish’s man, Jake, had gone fishing in the river on the valley floor and had pulled out a number of very fine trout, an impressive number of giant leeches too.
Luna and Trent returned from the fishing expedition with a deathshead locust of prodigious size and some kind of mutant snail-lamprey hybrid monster. Its nearly impenetrable shell was bigger than a pony but the creature had turned out to be surprisingly aggressive and fragile. Also slow… comically slow for a creature that ‘charged’ them with such confidence.
“It roared… I don’t even understand how, or why.”
“That is the biggest damn snappingsnail I’ve ever seen.” Susan, Rolf’s archer exclaimed. “They are usually smaller than a big walnut, they prey on other snails and slugs, worms, that kind of thing…”
She tapped the shell and grinned. “Good eating, but always too scanty for more than a taste. This should be interesting.”
“Gods, another one…” Becky complained. “Why do you guys insist on eating everything?”
“Because it’s better to be the one doing the eating?” Luna offered with a grin. “Shai, help me make a few quarts of garlic butter.”
#
The patrol riders got back two hours before sunset, in time to enjoy a leisurely dinner in the garden and savor the golden hours, while the sky slowly painted the abandoned city with sunset colors. Birds flew through the trees here and there, not many yet, but a few.
“I like this place…” Gary sighed, sprawled out on the lawn in the garden, moonbathing. “Was that snail a monster? It was delicious… if we could farm those…”
Shai lay down and pillowed her head on his tummy with a happy sigh. “Nae, Susan does say that snail must hae been growing in the forest fer centuries. Tis a piddling minor monster otherwise, rare since it be so tasty.”
“Ever wonder what it would be like? If we just took the kids and vanished into the wilds? Find a little valley like this, far from anywhere…” He murmured into the night sky.
“Just wishful thinking.”
“Silly boy, ye are unfit tae be a hermit by any measure.” She lay there, breathing and listening to the rock steady beat of his heart until both moons were in the sky. “Come. off tae bed, I’ll nae sleep well under the stars wi a lich nearby.”
“Demi lich babe. It’s more like a super haunted place, than an undead lord with an army of zombies. Weird that it has no undead servants though…” He mumbled sleepily.
“Aye, an we’ll master it taemorrow or nae, but tis bedtime lad…” She cooned. “Ye’ve earnt big spoon, this night.” That got him up and moving… mostly just up, at first.
#
Shai stretched and reached out for him when she landed in the world of dreams, expecting to find her boy there beside her… it was slightly jarring to find no one there. She could feel his presence, all around and most particularly, on the far side of his little sphere in the void.
#
“All right, Gray… you had your last chance and your last warning. I just don’t get why you had to do it this way.” He shook his head and sighed in disappointment. Gray was in a loose, white mesh crop top spangled with rhinestones and pearls, his miniscule stovepipe hat was held in with a sequined chinstrap and a veil of scarlet lace concealed his eyes. His matching red posing pouch and white, furry legwarmers went nicely with ruby red slippers, that some witch was absolutely going to come looking for.
The burningman refugee was chatting with a murky gray shadow, lurking beneath a stone overhang on a rocky and picturesque hillside, overlooking the dryad forest.
The other young man seemed more embarrassed than frightened, while the shadow tried to crawl farther into the stone hillside.
He glared at the visiting demon shadow with anger and distaste. “That won’t work, only Gray’s help let you even peek in here, now you are both fucked…” He sat down in a wingchair that appeared just for him, smiling at his alter ego and the unwelcome visitor.
“You have no power over me…” Gray began, he stopped with a pained squeak, when his banana hammock got two sizes smaller.
“I have absolute power over you.” He replied mildly. “Over both of you. Here, I can snuff you out like a candle and consume your essence entirely, with a flick of my will.” His smile was cold and deeply unwelcoming.
“Or simply cast you both into the darkness, unprotected. Even ‘mighty Vixoreath’, would dissolve into her constituent elements and scatter across the universe.” He sneered at the ragged shadow peeking from beneath a nearby rock.
Gray was standing silent in his miniscule thong, struggling desperately to resist the urge to adjust his nightmarish grundle grinder. When Gary’s quietly furious gaze landed on him he shrank back in despair.
“Yeah, your dreams of ruling a dead kingdom end here. I’m taking away what little autonomy you had and sending you to visit the devourer. Your little friend gets to watch… call it a preview of coming attractions. Later Gray, I won’t be seeing you again for a few lifetimes.”
With a gentle puff of steam, the earth opened beneath the thin, pale man in clubwear, dropping him into a swirling nebula of chaotic, raw magic. It flashed scarlet with hunger and eagerness, as the figure of Gray diminished into an unguessable distance.
“Soooo… whaddya think?” He asked cheerfully, looking down into the abyss of swirling cosmic horror with a gentle smile on his face. “Outsiders can only see the Devourer on those rare occasions when their immortality is set aside. In my realm you are completely mortal. Terrifying isn’t it?”
The silent shadow quivered under her stony rampart, refusing to look and unable to speak. “Yeah, staring into your own ending is absolutely terrifying, the first few times. But if you have courage, you’ll learn a secret… we are all immortal… every one of us.”
He grinned madly and pulled her out, closer to the rift with the force of his will, despite her desperate struggles.
“You demons think we are lesser beings because of our short lives, but you have it all backwards. It’s you who are broken, lesser, diminished. Immortality is not a blessing, it’s a tragic defect in your soul that isolates you from other beings.” He cackled madly, deranged laughter ringing off the stones all around.
“I took the time to master the evil laugh, in a few varieties…” He said smugly, when he finished.
“You should be embarrassed by your performance, not only were you murderously amoral and wicked, you weren’t even enjoying it. You’re like a little kid, pulling the wings off flies or stealing things you don’t even want.” He sighed in deep sadness at the wretched creature struggling to hide, out in the open.
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“I think you begin to understand your position…” He smiled blandly, as the soil closed over the terrible abyss. “Contemplate the mortals that you abused, think about the new things you’ve learned. Fear, pain, helplessness, desperation; consider those things and your place in the universe, until we meet again.” He grinned at her again, madly chipper and gay once more.
“You probably won’t do any self reflection, but you will wait in fear, misery, helplessness and terror until then, regardless.”
She vanished from his starlit realm of deep forests and craggy mountains, back into the dark, airless void of her prison. Somehow, the mad mortal’s voice found her even in this place of absolute darkness and isolation.
“Just so you know your situation… Your reliquary skull is in an old metal pail I keep trash and nasty things in, sometimes. You are imprisoned in a slop bucket, by a mortal’s Will and arts. Add that to your list of things to contemplate… Toodles!”
#
Gary strolled in the garden gate looking tired and thin, but satisfied by whatever he had done. Morrigan’s temple seemed even farther away, nearly lost over the horizon, while Brigid’s forge now had a sturdy stone fence and a solid gate, with the latch on the family side. He shot a thumbs up to VelvetRope and DjNotGary when he came home, while folding Shai in a hug.
“I had to put emo me out, he was plotting with our demon. Dumb, but predictable, I had my guys watching him the whole time.” He snuggled in with Shai, Becky and Thirp for a good cuddle.
“So what happened?” Becky asked.
“Like our demon friend, he assumed that he was better, different and more powerful than the others. He found out that he was just more broken than them… Right guys?” He called to the many Notgary’s, roaming around doing their own thing.
“Truth is, Velvet, Dj and Ragy are all more complete, more potent and more fully able to influence me than he ever was.” He sat back and sighed with happiness. “Cause we vibe, and vibes are more powerful than fear, anger or hate.”
Duchess Sheng scampered by, playing a dream flute, pursued by all three little ones and a number of dancing ghosts, vibing hard and having a wonderful dream. “That looks like fun! Fer the dance?” He asked Shai with a gently mocking smile on his lips… She was.
#
Duchess Sheng woke, with Angie curled up so close, it was heartbreaking to see… and beautiful. She had a full day scheduled, but accepted a late start anyway... Some things were just worth it.
Angie slowly opened her eyes, lost in warm feelings, as her duchess stroked her hair in the morning sunshine pouring through the windows.
“Why did you ever stop sleeping in my chamber, dear?” Grace asked softly. “I’ve missed this.”
“Chancellor Wilitts said it was unseemly and that we might spark salacious gossip.” Angie whispered. “I wasn’t supposed to tell you.”
“I imagine you weren’t… Chancellor Willits is far too concerned with gossip and his duty to my house. Yet he is not nearly as interested in his duty to me.” She mused. “Now tell me about these elusive figures I kept spotting here and there in that place.”
“Those were gods, My duchess, projections of them anyway. There seem to be many more gods than we were led to believe, so many and they are coming back, drawn by changes in our world and whispers among the immortals. They cannot approach those who are not compatible with them, so none of us can meet them all.” She smiled shyly and hugged her duchess closer. “It sounds mad, but here we are.”
“Yes, here we are. I must confess, your spider goddess is a delight. I find myself wondering whether the discomfort of surrendering my Contracts with Order might be worth it.” She murmured into her young ward’s soft, dark hair.
“Lord Amicus recently abandoned the cult of Order for Knowledge, he might have some insights… I can ask him, if you wish. The cult of Knowledge is meeting this afternoon in the meadow across the bridge, where the inn was.”
“Might I attend? I know your underwear cult meetings are reserved to members, but Knowledge seems more open…” Grace asked, with a naughty sparkle in her eye.
“It’s not an ‘underwear cult’! Lady Thirp is a wise and benevolent deity with wide ranging interests!” Angie fussed at the duchess, while searching her extensive and growing underwear collection, for the proper selections.
“Certainly my dear. Whatever you say.” Suppressing the urge to giggle at her serious young ward was difficult to manage. Especially since she was bent over a small trunk, searching for just the right undies, with her bottom in the air. She unconsciously waggled her red, lace clad backside happily, just the way Wilf did when up to some mischief, presenting a delightfully comic aspect.
“So the underwear is just incidental? I should not concentrate on the corsets, nor peer at the panties?” She asked, letting a little amusement wriggle free in her voice.
“Your grace!” Angie huffed, blushing bright red to match her undies and snatching up a dressing gown.
“I’m sorry, my dear… it was right there.” She sighed happily as she slipped into her new favorite robe of deepest midnight blue, with silvery jasmine blossoms embroidered here and there. “Thank you so much for comforting a lonely old widow and allowing me to visit the children.”
“They scolded me relentlessly, they love you dearly… my duchess.” She whispered, hugging lamprey tight to her liege lady and burying her face in the soft silk of her robe. “As do I.”
#
“We don’t know what we will be facing, so exercise caution. Stay together, watch over each other.” Liam shot Gary a sharp look. “And stay in formation. No solo ops, no wandering off.”
Rolf’s team was fully kitted out and riding with the observers, while Dannyl, Pete and Chet watched over the house and kids. Jake, Hamish’s valet and Emma’s maid, Maddie sat at a table sipping tea and enjoying a very strange journey.
#
Down slope from the former necropolis, a deep rushing river tumbled from a cleft in the mountains, icy cold and turquoise blue, it splashed into the slower, warmer river that meandered down the valley floor. Where the waters met, a wide, blue lake formed, with a stone built manor standing at the joining of the two rivers.
Verdant forest and undergrowth surged right up to an invisible edge and stopped cold, replaced by barren, stony soil and pebbly strands of empty beach. The entire small peninsula encompassed on three sides by water was dead and lifeless.
Reeds and brush competed for the waterside everywhere else on the wide, shallow lake. Lilypads, watercress and duckroot covered much of the water’s edge and for yards deeper in. The blue depths sparkled with fish, splashing in their quest for food, but never near the brooding stone manor on the waterside.
The warparty rode close, stopping in a meadow thirty yards off, for the horses’ comfort. They were reluctant to approach the invisible line where life stopped living. The Bathers dismounted and tended their friends, or supervised Gary, at the task, since Annie still expected the full treatment for her small herd.
“Why am I still the horses’ butler?” He asked no one in particular, while plying a curry brush in each hand.
“Because you let them bully you into it.” Becky scolded him, while wielding a brush in one hand and a fistful of sugar cubes in the other. “I choose to serve our equine overlords willingly.”
“If you two are done playing with your coddled pets, we have an abomination to put down.” Khan grumbled, while shoving a carrot into the snuffling, hungry end of his familiar.
“Gary, you Shai and myself at the front, Tallum and Ivy next, Becks, Tawny stay at the back.” Liam ordered calmly as they formed up a dozen yards from the edge of the haunt. “I take point, no backtalk.”
They marched forward in good order, watching carefully for any sign of resistance or movement. “Comms check, everybody hear me?” He waited while they sound off, even Gary following the carefully crafted protocol he and Ivy had worked to develop. “Second channel, check in…” He muttered, with a gentle flex of his will.
“Confirmed.” Khan responded crisply.
“Loud and clear.” Danny replied from the inn, six miles off, on the valley side, above the empty town.
“Dannyl should be beyond the normal range of these devices…” Khan explained to the observers, whose curiosity over the trinkets was nearly explosive. “The inn is closely linked with the magic of their creation, so they keep working, even miles beyond what they could otherwise.”
“Just how long has Wheatford been hoarding these things?” Pangbourne demanded, annoyed and furious that he was not included in the device array.
“Oh, no, these do not belong to the duchy, nor the duke. They are the madman’s toys, his alone. Yet another trinket that will become available to those who are willing to be bold and step into a bright new day.” Khan delighted in the play of emotions that crawled over sir Pangbourne’s face.
“Let’s pay attention to the action… they are about to begin.”
#
What was left of a very nice road led to the little isthmus or peninsula… or something. It curved out of sight to a presumed grand entrance at the front and a smaller, almost completely obliterated track leading behind the house.
Liam was barely two yards ahead of Gary and Shai when he crossed the line onto barren soil, his cloak of falling silver oak leaves drifting behind him in the morning sun. An instant later, it glittered even more brightly, as a thunderous crack detonated in the sky, startling humans and horses alike.
Liam came hurtling back into the team in a sparkling, sparking cloud of flying silver and black leaves. His body was rigid and spasming when the two lovers caught him with a metallic clash of impacting armor.
Tawny surged forward like a bolt of golden lightning herself, standing over her mate in a few scant heartbeats.
“L...Ll… lightning b-bb-olt! I’ll b-bbe fine.” He shuddered, while Tawny checked him over.
Shai and Gary were both limned in short lived dancing sparks and flickering bolts of energy after catching his flying body.
“Ohh!” Gary stammered as they shook off the lingering remnants. “Elemental attacks… Crazy!”
“Aye, hurling lightning be troublesome…” Shai muttered sourly.
“Well, let’s see.” Gary rooted around in his Pockets! for a moment then frowned unhappily. “I left it home… gotta wait for Liam.” He grumbled.
Liam was only slightly singed and a bit jittery, despite a blackened outline of his footprints still gently smoking at the impact site. “My cloak seems to have dispersed most of it…” He said, through clenched teeth, while Tawny tended to some minor burns to his feet and left shoulder.
“Sorry bro, I didn’t build many elemental defenses into your gear… that was an oversight. Shai Becky and I have pretty good defense across most kinds of elemental attacks, especially heat, cold and lightning. Your armor is an earlier model.” Gary squatted down by his still shaky brother and grinned. “When you feel up to it, fish around in the house and pull out that prototype shield, it’s in the workshop.”
“The defective one? I don’t want to go flying off!” He griped, while pulling it out from an embarrassing location in his own anatomy.
“Nahh, I built this one particularly for elemental attacks as an experiment. I just didn’t account for kinetic energy…” He started into his incomprehensible ‘conservation of energy’ prattle, so they tuned him out, mostly.
“Sir Issac Newton? Isn’t he lord of Glendale Firth? Fine apple orchards there…” Pangbourne murmured with genuine interest. “I had no idea he was a mage!”
“Apples, that’s funny… different dude, though. My Issac Newton has been dead for… even my immortal friends think it’s been a long time.”
After a few minutes, they formed back up. This time Liam had his cloak pulled all the way around and the hood up, like a panther, stalking among falling leaves. He had the shining silver shield strapped on and his sabre in hand, looking far less confident. Tallum was close in behind him, towering over the smaller warrior in the lead.
Shai had Ivy and her enchanted shield on her left side, sticking close, while Gary just had his strange singing baton in hand and Becky clinging to his shadow.
Once they were arranged to Gary’s satisfaction, they started moving in pairs. The shield holders took the lead and covered their partners, moving briskly across the open ground, while Gary and Becky trotted up the middle.
The first bolt of lighting caught Liam fully in the shield, creating a blinding flash and a lingering, radiant afterimage of the young warrior, sketched in light, cavorting across the field. The glittering, smoking figure dashed to the manor house and hurled itself at the wall with a crackling blast of lightning.
“Ok…” Gary said mildly. “That was unexpected. Heads up!” A tiny bead of light began forming at the peak of the house, on a weathervane depicting a bronze eagle in flight. A second later another crack split the morning, as Ivy caught a bolt on her own shield.
She ducked low and unleashed the torrent of magical lightning back at the house, where it vanished back into the weathervane, sparking a new light at the peak again.
Before a heartbeat passed it flashed again, jolting into Gary’s baton, sending a harsh scream of whirring ringblades into the sky. “That’s a lot!” He stammered as a bolt of lightning juddered through his baton and armor. He fell a step or two behind, with sparks flickering in his trail.
“Don’t throw the energy back at the house… It’ll just come right back at us!” Ivy shouted, as she caught another blast, this time she flung the energy out across the lake, to shatter against a distant boulder strewn shore.
Gary and Becky darted behind Liam as another sparking, capering lightning Liam scampered off. This one ran over and leapt into the lake with a fizzling display of colorful sparks and steam.
“That is… hil-l-arious…” Gary stammered, still shaken by his first jolt.
At last, after several more lightning strikes, they darted under the eaves of the house.
They crept along, sticking close to the wall, heading for the main entrance, which turned out to be a grand portico with three wide, low steps leading to a wide double door of bronze sheet, bound with black iron straps and hinges.
No windows appeared until twenty feet up on the structure, and the front door looked formidable.
“Locked… can you do something about that Gary?” Liam stepped aside, while the musician knelt and peered at the keyhole with interest.
“Yeah… I got this.” He produced a few small tools from his behind and started twiddling the lock with gentle movements. Mere seconds later, the lock gave a solid sounding ‘click’ as it surrendered. Gary grinned and gave the doors a push. “Not even any traps on it.” He said happily, until the door refused to budge. “Huh… Must be barred from the inside.”
He stepped over to the side of one massive portal and laid his hand on the ancient, wrought iron hinge. A few seconds later a wad of flaky, crumbling rust fell to the porch, followed shortly by another. Systematically, he attacked the doors’ iron parts with his weird, corrosive aura, until only the bronze portals remained. The door still stubbornly remained fixed in place.
“Servant’s entrance?” He asked, grinning helplessly.
“Servant’s entrance.” Liam answered grimly.
#