Ch: 21 Collateral Damage
Morning came later by the side of the road, no rowdy younglings trooping in, an hour before first bell… bells that were now instinctive and sounded in his mind even far from town.
As usual, he woke up like a switch had been flipped. It was not jolting or jarring, just a firm sensation of not being asleep anymore.
Downstairs, Gary started what he could on breakfast and went out to visit the horsie. She was huge, really huge, and brown, there was a lot of huge and brown going on in the stall.
Big brown eyes with long lashes, a big brown nose, going white at the business end. Her mane was close cropped and wiry, but brown as dark chocolate, as was her long, constantly flicking tail.
“The tail twitch means she does not trust you yet.” A deep voice came from behind, making Gary jump and squeak. “She is trained for War, my Annie will never harm a human.”
The knight smiled in the lamplight, seeming much more human than the cold and rigid man who came to the door.
“Were she trained for Order, you would need to exercise much more caution.” He patted the enormous creature on the nose and cooed to her. “Odd to see a man working at a rural inn who does not know horses, the rest of your compatriots seem to fit…”
Becky saved the day, standing in the door looking impatient. “Gary, my mistress awakens soon, will you linger out here chattering about horses until sunrise?”
“Yes mistress Becky!” He said with a grin, slipping inside before he could say something dumb.
Dannyl came ambling out in workman’s clothes, looking the very image of a valued and reliable employee. “Breakfast will be served at first bell, Your horse will be ready at your command, milord.” He swept an elegant and humble bow, not too low, not too casual. Gary took notes, watching with admiration as he went inside.
The knight followed him inside, pausing to change into slippers without hesitation. “I find this footwear arrangement very satisfying. As one who works with horses, wearing boots indoors always seemed less than ideal. Perhaps you could tell me where these charming slippers are made…”
He was dusky skinned and handsome, his dark hair had the glossy sheen of good health, while his handlebar mustache was waxed to elegant perfection. Like everything about the man it was compact, sensible and well managed.
He exuded an aura of controlled and focused intent in everything he did, even while interrogating odd people about fuzzy, llama shaped slippers. “I… I kinda make them, it’s just something I do…” Gary fumbled, struggling to maintain his composure.
“Gary, down tae the workshop, Ye hae duties there, ye kin play wi yer slippers anon.” Shai curtseyed gracefully, smiling and pointing to a linen covered tray beside his door. “Milord, breakfast be served, I beg ye, dinnae mind the boy, there is nae harm in his madness.”
The knight held up a hand, stopping them in their tracks before Gary could slip away. “Where are his parents, I could arrange for him to Contract with Order… that might settle his mind. It is well known that the moon touched need that steady influence.” He looked thoughtful.
“Yes, I would see his parents, my mission is not so urgent that I cannot pause to do some good along the way.” He smiled, obviously pleased to be ‘helping’ and eager to get on with it.
“He were born far from here, tis nae possible tae see them.” Shai said, thinking on her feet. “He do be in my care, an the lady Trelawney Belen, journeyman o Healer do have her hands in this as well.”
“Oh, is that the lady I saw last night, odd that neither she, nor her guard have horses, not even a baggage animal. Does that wisp of a maid carry all her luggage?” His smile widened. “I heard, in my travels, that Otho the beloved of Joy, was putting together another of his ill-advised adventuring bands.”
He gathered the tray off its stand in the hall and sat down at a table in the common room. “Moreover I heard that Trelawny of Healer, one of the most respected young healers in the region, had joined such a group, I was intrigued.” His smile widened as Tallum emerged, followed by Ivy, still mussed and groggy.
“It was reported that no fewer than two accomplished journeyman smiths accompanied this group, as Adventurers no less!” He looked from Shai to Tallum, noting their hands and completely hairless forearms. If you are not sure you're talking to a smith, that was a sure tell.
“Most notably there were tales of a personal protege of high priest Otho as well. A half mad musician with strange gifts, if the stories are to be believed. Some in the upper echelons of War have taken note, thus my final mission.” He said, eyeing Gary.
“Marvelous, you set a fine table mistress Shai.” He said, around a mouthful of Shai’s groundworm hash and eggs. “Now if the rest of your band will come out, we can end this farce.”
Shai’s hand flashed out, restraining Gary by instinct more than anything else. She could feel his cold, primitive instincts waiting just under the surface.
“Boy, tis nae the answer! Nae just that he would o’er match thee, as ye would a housecat, but he be a guest and kin.”
“He is a feisty one, no wonder War is licking his chops at the thought… and so much magic, it sheets off you in waves boy!” He looked around in satisfaction. “Tale is, you have a contract item and this house follows where you go. That rumor is attracting even more attention.”
He rose smoothly to his feet and bowed impeccably when Tawny emerged. “Lady Trelawny, I am Imran Khan, lately of War, now a free Adventurer. Yesterday’s dawn marked the final day of my indenture to War.”
“My final task is to report to War’s temple in Wheatford where I will deliver a sack containing twenty gold marks.” He grinned and held up a plump pouch that jingled softly. “With that comes a request that one Gary Ward, be assigned to fosterage with the household of baron Timarch Holloman of Port Ellis…” He eyed Gary thoughtfully. “That is a very strong bid, he must believe that you are valuable indeed.”
With a wet splat, Shai’s cleaning rag struck him in the face. “Ye ape arsed, sheep molesting, sack o wasted dreams and skin! Fie, an ye did not still hold guest rite in mine own home, twould be a rough morning ride wi me boot up yer..”
Tallum scooped Shai up and pulled her back into the kitchen, while the knight peeled the damp cloth from his face. Her stream of creative invective continued unabated, Tallum not being foolish enough to put his hand near those furious teeth.
“You seem to know a lot about my friends and I, for a stray traveler in the night.” A now unattended Gary said, slow and cold, like a creeping glacier. “You accepted my woman’s hospitality under the guise of kin in need… that was not nice.”
Liam, realizing where things were headed, tried to slip over and corral the musician. Slip indeed, as his slippered feet seemed to have been buttered, leaving him sliding across the floor, helpless. Somehow he was unable to walk, run or fall down, simply skating in random directions.
Ivy found her trouser legs sewn together in an instant, forcing her to inchworm across the floor in comical fashion. “Gary, calm down! She called, unable to do more.
Tallum still had his hands full of wriggling cursing Shai. That left Becky, who grabbed a ukulele off the wall and smashed it on a nearby table with an unmusical crash.
“Yeah, that got your attention! Stop it now! You guys are on the ragged edge about something and it’s going to get somebody hurt!” She shouted, brandishing the sad remains like a baton.
Tawny noticed when that hideous spear materialized over the fireplace again. She had not seen it vanish or reappear, but its absence had been noted. “If we could all settle down, perhaps we can resolve this without violence. Do stop playing around Liam, this is serious.”
Liam slid by, standing stock still with arms crossed, looking sour and much put upon. “Tell Gary, I’m just standing here, I can’t even fall down.” He said, while balancing on one foot and skating in slow circles.
“Hear hear.” Ivy said from the floor. “At least Liam’s looks fun, I feel like I’m sewn up in my own shroud.”
This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.
“Everyone, sit down and be quiet while the grownups talk.” Tawny said, her voice cracking with authority and command.
“Sir Imran Khan, what game are you playing with my comrades? We are within our rights, traditions and the law. Moreover, as you are no longer with War, I see no role for you in our activities at all.” She sat back and waited, while her friends got their shit back together.
“As an independent Adventurer, I take an interest in all those who operate in the territory where I plan to reside, whether comrades, or competition.” He watched with amusement as the stitches binding Ivy evaporated, and Liam settled back to the floor without fanfare.
“I had the pleasure of meeting priest Otho on my last visit to the region and it was his presence that convinced me to settle in Wheatford.” He smiled again, charming bastard probably practiced that at home.
“The rumors of this boy’s gifts are circulating in the ranks, they will eventually come to the notice of another noble or some self serving fool. If a house can negotiate fosterage, they can avoid a costly bidding war when your indenture comes up for sale. Either way, he will feather some poppinjay's nest for the duration of his indenture.” He looked to Gary. “Lucky you, that will be a luxurious and safe posting, if you can master your emotions.”
“Lucky me, I get to be a house slave while my brothers and sisters die in the field? Lucky me indeed, I’ll take my chances with my family. Lord Fuckstick Mc SlobKnob, can ride his dildo horse off into the sunset alone.”
His voice sharpened, almost crackling with frost. “Lucky me again, I get to play host and wash the laundry of my own personal slave trader.”
Shai had her notebook out, furiously scribbling and looking at Gary with newfound respect. “Ye do hae hidden depths again boy. Hae ye been studying the game o insult?”
“I’m just getting started, lover. Becky, that hurt and I will be talking to you about that later.” His gaze switched to the still seated knight. “Imran Khan, if you mean harm to my family you will not have a good morning. If you have a problem with me, let’s solve it now.”
Gary’s body was relaxed, his voice sounded friendly and dripped with ice at the same time. “Shai says you will spank me like a child, I think she is in for a surprise if you try it.” He waited a few heartbeats while the older man kept smiling and drinking tea.
“Very well, at dawn my hospitality ends. You will go your way, we will go ours, I have no further interest in you.” Gary said coolly. “Whatever happens next is yours to choose… until dawn.”
Gary sat down and began filling his plate with gusto. “Come on guys, coffee first, if he wants blood on the ground, I plan on being awake for the event. Gotta tend my garden yet this morning.”
Becky slunk over to the table and sat down, looking nervous. “I thought you were gonna start something Gary, sorry about that uke.”
“You were right, sergeant Becky, thank you. Trust those instincts, especially around me, you know how I get.” He sipped his coffee with a grateful sigh.
“If I’m going to kill someone, I’d like to know it was my choice, not just crankiness.” He gave a jolly wink. “What say you Imran? Will we be murdering each other today?”
“Gary!” Tawny and Shai shouted together, before glaring at each other. It was a delicious, though otherwise unpleasant meal. Khan sat silent, eating and drinking as though he had not a care. He finished before long and rose, still silent.
“You bring discord into our home sir. Please take it with you when you go.” Gary said as he stood. “Sunrise is coming soon, the first rays just hit our garden wall. Tallum, will you help the good knight with his mount?”
Gary strolled over and swept the broken instrument into his Pockets! With a sad smile. “Becky, when we get back, I am making you that thing we discussed. You will be helping with every step of the process, so choose well. Perhaps a harp?”
Shai was still stalking about like a wet cat, glaring at their guest with naked hostility. “Tis my shame that I did nearly break guest rite, an wi kin as well…” She growled. “I do owe thee a debt, I repay it wi a warning Khan... Dinnae count on hospitality frae me an mine after this dawn.”
“I hope you will forgive my deception when we meet again.” He said. “Your playacting was delightful and your hospitality, impeccable…under the circumstances.” He called from the back of his colossal horse. “Annie says she has seldom slept better, even at home. I will see you again, little brothers and sisters.”
#
He cantered off through the slush and snow, heading down the River Road towards town, giving a casual wave as he departed. “I think that guy is going to be trouble.” Liam said quietly.
“Quick group meeting, then on with the task at hand?” Gary asked, surprising everyone, including himself, with a sensible suggestion.
Shai came close, peering at his eyes, looking in his ear and then kissing him deeply. “Aye, tis Gary… mayhap ye broke something else along wi that ukulele Becky. Inside, we hae much tae talk over and more tae eat.”
Gary was silent while the gang chewed over the events surrounding their mysterious visitor, remaining quiet to the end.
“Ok gang, here’s my take on Khan. He’s on the level, I don’t believe we need to worry about him. He feels a lot like Tony, he may be a servant of War, but he’s a decent person I think.”
Gary slumped in his seat, looking exhausted. “I did want to murder him though, what’s wrong with me? I never wanted to hurt anyone before, now I just keep thinking… Braden is out there somewhere… completely unstabbed, as far as I know. Doesn't sit right, him having a whole skin.”
Shai whomped him lightly on the head, battering him with a relaxed pair of fists. “Tis monsters spill enough men’s blood, let go yer stupid grudge boy. If time comes ye must kill a man, I would not it were over an instrument ye can and have replaced.”
“Stop being reasonable woman, I’m a bloodthirsty grump right now. After lunch maybe you can go back to pinching my shapely backside when you think no one's looking.”
Shai’s laugh cleared the gloom and they began another day. A very boring day of marching. They did settle on the side of a sunny hill, overlooking the valley for lunch, that was lovely.
“We have a notice about a trapdoor near here,” Liam said, as they began walking again. “It’s probably dormant, watch for traces of web. We likely won’t see any sign of it til spring, when it starts stinking again.”
“They hibernate? Gross!” Gary complained. “Morning breath is bad enough, I can’t imagine those festering sacks of filth after being shut up all winter.”
A slushy snowball whizzed past his ear in protest. “You have never even smelled one up close, you cheating wimp!” Tallum shouted, scooping up another massive wad of slush in his shovel sized hand.
“Hey! There’s dirt and gravel in that! No fair” Gary complained, while dodging wildly.
“Gary, nice moves! Keep it up!” Laim shouted, grabbing his own handful of gritty, icy slush. “New training regimen! Everybody try and pelt Gary!”
“Aye, mayhap we kin ruin his armor, that he might wear summat less hideous!” Shai agreed, joining the persecution.
“I made this suit!” Gary griped while ducking behind a scraggly bush for cover. Tallum just pitched his giant wad of crud right through the screening shrub. It shredded the gray, dripping mass, leaving Gary dusted with sand, grit and ice. “Hannah said it was ready for the field!” He cried, shaking like a hound while standing behind a tree.
“Aye, tis serviceable, though ye do look like summat frae a backwards an primitive tribe o cannibal wild men.” Shai called, distracting him from Becky and Ivy, who were flanking, snowballs ready.
“You have those here?” He called, rolling out and into a thicket, tangled with withered berry vines. “Where do I sign up?”
Tallum was too big to chase him through the trees, so he began whacking the larger trunks. Great wads of wet, sticky snow dropped at random in his hiding place, splatting down mercilessly all around.
He took his chance, Tawny and Liam had bunched up, leaving an opening between Shai and Ivy’s group. He dashed out, slipping through the snowy woodland like a ghost. He had all his sneakiest gifts running hot, while tapping on the tiny drum at his waist. After a moment he slowed his mad scramble and began to play his flute.
Sweet notes drifted high into the afternoon sky, accompanied by a rushing sound from the river’s edge.
“Fool, ye kinnae obfuscate yer presence while ye do play, tis nonsense…” Shai changed her tune when she heard the faint honking sound. “Run! Everyone run fer cover!”
From the river nearby, a vast flock of waterfowl lifted off, forming up in their neat rows as though guided by some malign force. With honking cries, they began a slow banking flight, gaining altitude. As though signaled, they began swooping down over the group.
They broke into smaller formations, groups of a dozen or so passing overhead, targeting each human form below them and unloading what geese, ducks and other waterfowl are known for.
Gary’s mad piping flute continued until all the birds were once more dabbling in the placid waters of an oxbow bend on the river.
“Now we’re all gross and uncomfortable.” He announced with satisfaction.
“You are a terrible human being Gary.” Tawny announced with the finality of a judge.
“IT’S IN MY HAIR!” Becky shrieked a moment later.
The others were slightly more phlegmatic over the ordeal. “Let’s call an early night, Gary and Shai have some work to do and a bath seems ideal.” Liam announced. “Good thing we have an apprentice tailor with us… stain removal is difficult for the untrained.”
Gary was grinning along with them, until the stack of soiled armor wound up in his workroom, on his bench. “Ere ye summon poultry tae befoul yer targets, do make certain yer mate be not in the throng boy. I kinnae believe I must explain this.” She closed the door with quiet finality. He had leather to scrub.
“That was excellent work Gary, you have really improved these last few weeks.” Tallum rumbled when Gary finally slipped into the bath with the rest.
“No it was gross and stupid, Tawny, you tell him.” Becky shot back, still washing her hair compulsively every few minutes. “I can’t really still smell it, but I can totally still smell it… in my mind.”
Tawny just glared at Gary as though she had bitten into a sour plum.
“I may have gone too far with that one, but it was all I had to work with…” The look in his eyes was troubling to everyone.
“Did ye just hae an idea?” Shai asked. “Be it terrible?”
“No, just a thought. I’m gonna use some dust tonight, gods and abominations can let me sleep for once.” He produced a handkerchief, tied at its four corners around a wad of white, flaky pollen. “Anybody else want some?”
“Some of us have work to do and actually want to grow their Contracts Gary. I’ve spent enough time just sleeping, thank you very much.” Becky huffed. “Powder glazed dusthead. You better wake up to pee, you goon.”
“Dinae worry, He do know how tae do laundry.” Shai said as the girls headed upstairs… both of them.
“Hey…” He whined softly, as a velvet rope appeared at the foot of the stairs. “Can’t believe I have to bunk down on the ground floor… like some commoner.” He sniveled, just within the other’s hearing.
“Stop!” Ivy commanded, bringing Tallum, Dannyl and Liam up short. “We don’t want to summon the pillow king do we?”
“The bylaws do state that a full quorum must be present for any official shenanigans… it is the law.” Tawny said with regret. “He gets away with that one gang. Drop your pillows.”
“You guys are all a bunch of dustheads.” Dannyl said, while grinning foolishly. “I’m off to bed. Its a long road.”
Gary climbed into bed in the room with the blue circle, and the butthole shaped do not disturb sign. He made the fake amenities and room sign vanish, but left the anus, as a memento.
Sometimes all you need is a quiet night of dreamless slumber. Alone was less than ideal, but he was not awake long.
In the morning, he woke to warm redgold hair on his shoulder. He gave Otho the dog an elbow nudge and received a grumpy “What ye mean boy?” from Shai.
Not Otho then, down at his feet was actual Otho, softly snoring. Not so much at his feet as on them.
Hemming him in on the third side was Becky, curled up to him and unwilling to budge. Refusing to be stymied, Gary did a little fancy footwork. He unsummoned the blanket he was wrapped in, while yanking his feet from beneath the monster dog.
He did a quick crunch and rolled over the dog and to the floor in one clumsy move. Otho let out a snuffle of complaint, then took Gary’s spot in the middle, as a fresh blanket fluttered down onto the whole mess.
The girls seemed to either not notice or not care about the substitution.
#