"Aria. Aria, wake up," a voice calls. I crack my eyes open slightly. I completely lost track of time, place, what everyone was doing, all of it while fighting for sleep. It only takes a moment to check their memories and find that nothing much has happened with any of them.
Groggily, I raise my head. Eryk is here, standing. Right, he was the one who called my name. I shift a little and look around. I'm in a colorful room with lots of cloth and decorations everywhere. The comfortable softness beneath me makes me think I'm on a mattress. Paired with the warm blanket on top, and since I was asleep, this must be a bed, right?
As I move a little to sit up, I realize that there are arms wrapped around me. I turn my head to find Selena holding me. It looks like she's still asleep, and her clothes are kind of wet too, probably from me splashing her.
I look back over to Eryk. "I'm sorry, Eryk. I was too tired and made trouble for everyone." I lower my gaze. "I'm sorry if I messed everything up."
"No, it's fine. I had to move some of our plans around, but everything is still on track. But I let you sleep as long as I could, so we have to get going right now. I'll explain the situation on the way."
"A-alright." I nod. Then I turn to Selena and gently brush her face while whispering softly to rouse her. She jolts a little, but calms down when she sees it's me. "Thank you for helping me today," I whisper with a smile. "I have to go now." She gives a slight nod, then I carefully pull myself out of her arms. I step down off the side of the bed, but it's a longer drop than I expected, so I stagger a little when I land. I'm not sure how long Eryk let me sleep, but I'm still pretty tired. At least I'm not going to fall over like earlier though.
I go over to Eryk. His gaze sits on Selena for a long moment, before he turns away and leaves the room. I follow him out into a hallway. The soft carpet beneath my feet reminds me that I'm not wearing shoes. When I look down, I see that it is a deep, beautiful red carpet, which runs the length of the hall. When I look to the left, there are nice wooden doors lining both sides of the hall. Off to the right, there are a few more doors before it opens up into another area, with a wood railing on the left hand side. Eryk leads me to the right, and we walk over to the open space.
I turn to look through the rungs of the railing to find that we're high up above another room. Continuing along, we reach some stairs. They aren't as narrow as the ones at home and there's a railing to hold onto, so I manage to go down without too much trouble. As I look out into the other room, I slowly realize that it's actually just one big room. These stairs lead down to the floor below. So I was sleeping in a room on the second floor? When we arrive at the bottom of the stairs, I see a couple large glass windows on my right, letting in the late afternoon light of the sun. It's pretty late already, isn't it?
But when I turn back to the room again, I realize something. From the windows, to the candles on the walls, wasn't this the front room we came into when we got to Eryk's house? I didn't recognize it from up overhead. And I didn't notice the stairs when we came in earlier, but yeah, I think this is the same room from before.
Then Eryk glances back at me, and I realize I stopped walking while looking around, so I quickly move to catch up, and follow him into a doorway on the far side of the room. We go through a few more rooms, and I remember that this is the same way we went to get to his bath room. But this time, we stop in a different room just before the bath.
The large woman is waiting in this room. She was... Kristene I think. Behind her, there are a bunch of really tall wooden cabinets. They're made of really pale colored, light brown wood, lighter than most wood I'm used to seeing. "Alright, here you go." She hands Eryk a bundle of folded up cloth.
"Good. Aria, put this on." He gives it a shake, the cloth unfolding to show that it's a dress. It's light blue, with some stitching across the front and down the sleeves that make it look like high class, fancy clothing. It even has lines of dark blue going down the skirt to gather all the fabric together so it ruffles out and looks cute. But most importantly, it's in my size.
"Me? Wear this?" I gape at the expensive looking clothes. How am I supposed to wear something like this?
"We don't have time, just put it on." I shrink back at his intensity. "I'll explain later."
Nodding frantically, I take the clothes. I hastily turn them around a couple times, I'm so shocked I'm not thinking straight. How do I put them on? It's a dress, so I think back to Marrianne dressing me... Oh, they go on over your head! So I hold it up above me and slide it on. It's nothing like Marrianne's clothing though. They were for an adult, so they were huge and just fell over me. This is one gets stuck as soon as I try to lower it over myself.
"You have to stick your arms up through it," Kristene sighs. So I try that, putting my arms up through the inside. The dress sort of comes down this time, but still gets stuck at my shoulders. I try wiggling a little, but can't really get it to move, and now I'm kind of stuck inside it. "Oh dear," she chuckles. I feel her hands on the dress as she moves it around to straighten it out, then pulls it down over me. It's a kind of tight squeeze to get into it, but once she pulls it down, I find that it fits very well. It isn't overly tight or loose anywhere. It even goes down to my knees, not too long or short. The ruffled skirt feels a bit constricting, but it's still much better than the skirts at the store. There are even nice blue shoes to go with it.
"Oh thank goodness..." I hear Eryk mumble, but before I can look over at him, Kristene speaks too.
"Who'da thought, she cleans up real nice!" she says with a loud, throaty laugh. "Here, take a look."
She quickly grabs something from the side of the room, then sets it on the floor in front of me. "It's me!" I gasp, pointing at it. And I can see myself pointing back at me from the thing she's holding.
"Never seen a mirror before, I guess," Eryk comments.
I stare at it for a moment, eyes wide. "Mirror, mirror..." I mutter the word. I know that word. Then I remember. Back in the battle, Effy used Ishi, the deflecting mirror. I remember seeing myself briefly when I looked at them. So that's a mirror? It shows you yourself? But as I shift, I immediately realize that isn't right. I try leaning side to side, and the mirror changes. I don't think it's the appearance of the mirror that's changing. It's like it shows me an image based on where I am... So I try moving off to the left, and... yes! I can see Eryk in the mirror now! I glance over at him, taking a moment to picture the room in my mind to figure it out.
From what I can tell, what I can see in the mirror is based on my angle to its surface. I can imagine a straight line between me and the mirror. When it hits the mirror, the line turns at an angle based on how far off of where the mirror is pointing. That line will determine what I see in the mirror. Then, the further away I go from the mirror's forward direction, the wider the angle gets, so the further I'll see toward the other side.
It's amazing, I wonder how it actually works? What is it made of that it can show a completely different image based on where you stand? Not to mention, is it a different image for everyone? No, it must be! Like, if I drew the line between myself and Eryk, I would see Eryk. But the exact same way, Eryk would see me.
Eryk's hand suddenly closes on the top of my head. "You can gawk later, we have to get going."
"R-right. I'm sorry." I stutter and apologize when I realize I let myself get distracted. Looking away from the mysterious mirror, I follow Eryk out of the room.
Wait, I was so distracted by the mirror, I hardly noticed what I look like in this dress!
Filled with regret, I continue to follow Eryk back to the front room. From there, we continue right out the front door. Just outside, John is standing off to the right. He looks at me and whistles for some reason. Then he comes over and gently lifts me from the ground. With that, we begin heading north.
Taken from Royal Road, this narrative should be reported if found on Amazon.
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"Alright, let me explain things on the way," Eryk begins. "Since you were too tired, I pushed back the interview from the eighth bell to the tenth bell so you could get more sleep. It's not ideal, but luckily, the instructor agreed." So it's almost the tenth bell? The sun is starting to get kind of low in the sky, so that seems about right. "Now listen closely, because this is important." Eryk's serious tone makes me straighten up a little in John's arms.
"You are going to an interview with the instructor I found. This means that you need to present yourself as well as you can so they agree to teach you." I need to do something like that? How? I'm at a loss for words when I realize that there will be a lot more to this than I originally thought. "I won't lie, finding an instructor for you was extremely difficult. Normally parents would do this, so they could present the instructor with their achievements as proof of the child's worthiness. Obviously, I can't do that since we aren't related. Of course, I also couldn't tell them about your family or anything, so I wasn't able to give them any solid proof that you would be a good student." So that's how it is... Of course they wouldn't teach me if he told them I'm a peasant, I finally realize. So his only other option was to tell them nothing. But that's almost just as bad, isn't it?
"Honestly, I only managed to find a handful of instructors willing to give a complete unknown a chance. Among them, there was only one available immediately. That's why I'm doing everything like this. You have to impress your instructor, because this is the only chance you're going to get for a while."
"I understand," I respond with determination.
"Aria, I know how conscious you are of being a peasant." He levels me with a serious look as he walks. "I've seen the way you try not to touch anything because you'll get it dirty. For right now, you have to forget about all of that. I got you cleaned up and I managed to dig up that dress from my relatives. I even got it sized for you at the tailor's, all so you could look the part. The bandages don't exactly help, but we can't do anything for that," he shrugs.
"Leaving that aside though, right now you do not look like a peasant, you look like a vulgant. At least. But it's up to you to act like it. You absolutely cannot put yourself beneath us due to your class, or the instructor will refuse to teach you."
I gulp nervously. I have to act like a vulgant? What does that even mean exactly? With the huge gaps in what I've learned so far, I hardly even know how to act like a peasant properly. But then Eryk looks over at me and his eyes remind me of what he said in the bath room earlier.
"Aria. Getting an education means rising above the peasant class. To do that, you need to actually think of yourself that way. You have to have confidence in yourself, or no one will believe you're worth their time. You yourself need to believe that you deserve better." When he says it that way, I can't make myself meet his eyes. Me, deserve better? Even though I don't deserve anything?
But still, if he's going this far for me, I should try to understand. "I'm sorry Eryk, I don't know what it feels like to deserve things. Is there any way you could explain it?"
"Explain it?" Eryk looks really worried. "I know you have a low self-esteem, but that's a bit much..." I frown, not really understanding.
"What is 'self-esteem'?" I ask.
"Hmm... It's basically how highly you think of yourself. How much you care about yourself. You could also call it your self-worth. Whether you think you are a worthwhile person or not. That's the basic idea, I think." Well, if he says it like that, then my self-esteem is zero. I mean, I literally do not matter at all, so what else could it be?
Actually, I guess it could be less than zero since even working rail units are more useful than I am...
"So... you're saying I need more self-esteem to pass as a vulgant?" I nervously ask.
"Pretty much, yeah."
"That... is going to be a problem," I say stiffly.
"And why is that?" he asks similarly.
"I..." But I can't say it. I usually try not to think about it. "I don't... really want to talk about it," I mutter.
"Is that so...?" We continue for a while in an uncomfortable silence. I keep thinking, is that the only way? Isn't there anything else?
Finally, I ask, "Is there any other way? Any way to get by without self-esteem?"
With a groan, Eryk replies, "Fake it." So there was another way after all?
"Fake it? How do I do that?"
"Lie. Act confident, even when you're not. Pretend to care, even when you don't. Completely lie about yourself, even if you need to lie to yourself to do it." I think I get the idea, it sounds a lot like what I've already been doing.
"So, I just need to pretend to be someone I'm not?" I ask.
"Yeah, but it's a very unpleasant way to live."
"Yeah," I agree. "I guess I'll do that." I have plenty of practice already. If I need to pretend to be someone different than myself to pass as a vulgant, then I'll just be a vulgant. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths.
I've already had two separate lives since leaving the program, I'll just add a third. 1A the rail unit. Aria the orphan peasant. Now Aria, the vulgant working at the refinery. I don't really know how vulgants are supposed to think or act though. All I have to go on are the ones I've seen. But even that is the same as when I was observing people in order to fit in among them.
So what have I observed about vulgants?
They're very polite and calm, but cold toward peasants. They keep themselves clean and tidy. If I use Marrianne as a basis, they're kind and caring toward those in need. And based on Eryk, they pursue their goals earnestly, while trying to keep things fair and honest, but they'll still take advantage of what they know to bend the rules if they have to. I keep thinking. The people I've seen and interacted with, how did they all act? How did they carry themselves?
I try to keep everything in my head. All of the different qualities of a vulgant. But can I really act that way? Right right, confidence. Vulgants need confidence, so I have to look at things like I can do them instead of wondering if I can.
Slowly, I open my eyes. "I'll just do it like this." I make myself speak in an even, calm tone, like Eryk normally does. "I don't have any practice pretending to be a vulgant, so I may make some mistakes without realizing it. Could you please point them out to me?" I give a small bow. Eryk stares at me vacantly for a moment before finally answering.
"Sure, I'll let you know if you do anything weird." Eryk seems composed, so why does his voice sound like he's grinning a little? After that, it's not much longer before we reach the refinery.
"So, we'll be doing the interview here?" I ask.
"Yes, your instructor should be here shortly." I nod. I'll make this work. I look down at the pretty blue dress I'm wearing as we enter the refinery, to calm my nerves and remind myself again. I'm a vulgant right now. Vulgants wear nice clothes like this. I'm clean and dressed up pretty because that's how I'm supposed to be. We enter Eryk's office and John sets me down. Confidence, I tell myself as my clean shoes sink into his carpet.
I walk over to my usual seat at the table, the one on the right with my back to the door.
"Aria, you'll be sitting here this time," Eryk says, while pulling out the chair he normally sits in. "It's best if you sit in a good position facing the door, to greet your instructor."
"Ah, I'll do that then." I go over and stop briefly. I can't climb up into the chair with this dress on, so I turn with my back toward the seat, using both hands to jump up and pull myself back onto the seat. Yeah, I think that worked well. The skirt of my dress isn't even bunched up or anything.
Eryk takes the seat at the opposite corner of the table, leaving my usual spot for the instructor. And John goes to wait out front. We wait quietly for a little while. It seems that Eryk doesn't have anything to say, or he's just keeping quiet for now. He just interlocks his fingers, leaning onto the table with a patient, passive look. I try to imitate him, just waiting patiently as well. I suppose this isn't too difficult, we won't even need to wait that long, the tenth bell should be soon. I place my hands in my lap and breathe slow breaths.
"Posture is important, try to keep your back straight," Eryk says.
"I will." I nod and sit a little straighter in my chair.
"Good. Keep that up, you look just like a proper young lady." I nod with determination. It's not much longer after that when the tenth bell rings. I take a deep breath and continue to wait. Soon, the door opens.
"Right in here," John's voice comes from the hall through the open door.
Then my instructor walks enters. We look directly at each other.
Then we both speak in unison. "Ah, it's you."