Emily comes down out of the tree after me. "So, you're going to... test with that one?" she asks with a hint of wariness.

I think about it. I really don't want to. But... I don't know what else to do. Mana wells are the only things similar enough to those stones, I can't think of anything else to test with.

"Yeah..." I take some time to go back and grab my stuff, then kneel on the ground next to the unconscious hobin. "You might want to step back, I have no idea what might happen," I warn. Emily takes some distance, but keeps watching intently as I spread my things out on the ground around me. I start by making some water mana. I have no idea how it helps with learning, but I'll take anything I can get.

I'll start with the one I feel is most likely to be safe. I already have my usual leftover earth mana, so I touch the hobin and reach inside, down to its mana well. I've done this a number of times, but I always used my own colorless mana. What happens if I replace its colorless mana with elemental mana? What might I learn?

I shake off the shivers going through my whole body at the thought of replacing what amounts to this hobin's soul with rock, but I have to know what happens. I need to learn more, and I don't have anything like those stones to test with, this is my only option. I ready myself, staring hard at the hobin as I reach down into its shallow well, finding the core where its colorless mana is embedded inside. I push through the surface, shakily reaching out and mixing it with earth to convert it. It is somehow too easy. The bit of colorless mana converts without trouble.

Then, before I can even force the well to change completely, there is some sort of unnatural... something. I can't comprehend it. I reel back instinctively, head spinning from... from... I don't know. Something. I vaguely hear Emily call my name, but when my dazed senses return, I'm staring down at a rock.

"Rock..." I mutter stupidly. I blink at it for far too long before I understand. The rock is extremely black with a hint of shininess, and shaped exactly like a perfect recreation of the hobin. Every strand of fur is a tiny sliver of stone shooting out from the body of the rock. I... turned a living creature into actual stone? Emily shakes my shoulder a little and I slowly turn to her.

"So this is what happened?" she asks while staring at it.

"I guess so..." I have no idea how to think or feel about this. This isn't just like killing them, it's something completely different. "Can I... fix it...?" I wonder aloud as I reach hesitantly toward the hobin shaped stone.

Then my trembling hand touches it. I reach inside and find... nothing. It's just a sort of big, empty space. It's... just kind of there. I guess it's similar to the space inside of a person. An area that can be filled with energy, but not like a mana well. It doesn't convert my mana or anything, but when I try releasing some of my mana inside, it just kind of fizzles away into nothing. So it's somehow different from the space inside of a living thing, since it isn't a living thing anymore.

I stretch my mana out wide, groping around until I find the structure all the way inside. It feels just like the structures I'm used to, inside both the mana wells and those stones. Just like them, a hard structure encasing a single piece of mana. Looking at the mana inside the structure, I try to feel it, but it's different from anything I've seen before. Like the earth mana I used just earlier, but still somehow different.

I press through the outside of the structure to get a better feel. Yeah, it's some sort of new thing buried inside. It's incredibly solid, like a big block of perfect stone. I briefly try mixing some of the hobin's colorless mana around it, but don't accomplish anything. It seems somewhat similar to absolute mana with how it won't mix together with anything else. But it still has that same solid feeling that I got from the structure of the mana wells and those stones.

Does that mean I can push through, to go inside it? I kind of try, and find that I actually can. It's startling, being able to push through a surface that feels so perfectly hard... Sinking into the rocky, I reach a space a lot like the last. No mana inside, and when I drop some of mine, it fizzles out. Way, way faster than the space outside this one, but otherwise, they're the same.

After a little looking around, I find the structure of this one, which is again, similar to the one outside. Right at the outer edge, I find the spot where there's a bit of mana embedded. This time it's just earth though. Is this what I should change? I try to prepare myself for what will happen this time. I don't want to look away again, I want to see everything that happens. I have to if I want to learn.

I mix the hobin's colorless mana in to convert the earth. As I work, I try to watch as carefully as I can. I can feel the moment the earth mana loses its color.

Once more, the change comes. This time, I stare straight into it. I'm struck by an inexplicable sense of... something. Even staring directly at it, I don't truly know what I'm seeing. A... a grinding, burning, impossible change. I suddenly lose the connection to my mana as the entire space pulls itself apart. The whole form and structure separating with an inaudible, erratic shrieking. Despite my best efforts, attempting to watch the formless spaces twist themselves into brand new forms makes my brain scream and I pull away again.

I gasp a few breaths as I try to keep my attention on what's happening, but my head is completely spinning. I stare down at the hobin. It comes in and out of focus as I have trouble controlling my eyes, like my mind can't remember how to make them act the way they should. But I definitely see fur again. Did it work? Still mentally staggering, I touch the fur. It's soft. Looking inside reveals an emptiness. So it's still unconscious, but is it alive? I don't think I feel a heartbeat, but I don't even know where to feel for one. The hobins start to tell me and direct my hand to the right place, but still don't feel it. So I changed it back, but it's dead?

I frantically throw myself to its mana well. There's hardly anything there, but it hasn't collapsed in these short moments, so I quickly just dump the rest of the hobin's colorless mana back inside its body.

It wakes with a jolt under my hand, its heartbeat jumping to a start seemingly on its own as soon as I give it the mana. Its head swivels rapidly, in panic. It looks like it's going to bolt, so I pull back, ripping all the mana out again the next instant. It falls unconscious once again, but I can still feel its tiny heartbeat.

I slowly stand up, body stiff and breath rapid as I wander away into a nearby tree. I press my head against the real, rough tree bark, just focusing on the solid, physical feeling as I try to slow my breathing.

"Aria?" I hear Emily ask quietly.

"S-sorry, I'm fine." My head is still pounding, my heart hammering in my chest. She hugs me from behind.

"Don't worry, you'll be alright," she assures me. "What happened exactly?" I keep trying to calm myself down. I tell Emily about what I just did, what I saw, trying to put it into words.

"It was like..." I fail. There are no words for that. Those feelings. I do my best anyway. Describe just the top layer. "The whole thing just kind of changed." I close my eyes, still getting that unnatural feeling it gave as I think back on it.

Trying to pull apart the meaning fills my brain with... something. Pain. Not a real pain, but something different. An unknown terrible feeling whose closest equivalent I can actually form into words is just 'pain.' It's a terrible approximation that doesn't capture even a fraction of the feeling.

I keep making myself speak. Still trying to put the impossible into words that don't even begin to describe the impressions of what I saw. "Those wells and spaces inside of people never really had any shape, so saying that they changed shape doesn't make any sense, but it feels like that's what happened." But... no, not shapes. Shape isn't the right word. I don't know a better one. "It doesn't make any sense, but it's definitely what happened." I'm just repeating myself at this point. "It's like, I can't actually logically understand it, but I can feel it." Like it's burned into my brain.

"I don't really get it, but it sounds like it was... pretty intense," says Emily. I nod. And keep nodding, and nodding. I... feel like I've seen something I'm not supposed to see. Something wrong. Something that doesn't match. Doesn't match me, or my mind, or the world, I don't know. Maybe all of them. Emily finally puts a hand on my head to stop me. "Just rest for a bit, alright?"

"Nn," I mumble a response, then listlessly go over and climb back up into the tree. Emily joins me shortly after, and we just sit. This time she actually does pull me into her lap and gently pets my head as we wait in a strange silence. Nothing but the small forest sounds murmuring around us.

----------------------------------------

"Aria, another one," Emily whispers in my ear.

"Nn," I mumble back, looking down as the next hobin approaches below. I think we've been sitting in the tree waiting for quite a while, but the time all sort of blurred together. I lean forward, dropping silently from the tree. As soon as I touch the hobin on the ground below, I knock it out. But then I land, kind of just crumpling to the ground when I don't put any strength into my legs. Like I forgot how.

"Aria?!" I hear Emily thump down after me while I'm picking myself back up. She grabs me and flips me over so I'm lying on my back, held up by her hands. Then she asks if I'm alright while looking me up and down in a panic.

"Ahh, sorry Emily," I apologize. "Sorry, I was kind of in a daze. Actually, I think that knocked some sense back into me." I shake myself a little. "I really was pretty out of it after what I saw. Sorry for always worrying you." I try to bow a little, but can't really manage it in this position.

"You're going to make my heart give out..." she complains while helping pull me back to my feet. "You don't still want to do this one, do you?" she asks uncertainly.

"No, it's fine. I can do it." I nod with determination, trying to work myself up again.

"A-alright." Despite the worry on her face, she asks. "What's next?"

"Let me think..." I put a hand to my chin, just stopping to think for a bit since I was so stunned after the last one that I didn't really have a chance to consider anything. I think aloud. "Last one turned to stone with earth mana. The structure afterward wasn't like anything I've seen before, but it was still solid and I was able to change it back. I want to know what happens if I make it into something without a form. So... I'll give fire a try next."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? If earth turned the last one to stone, won't fire turn this one to, you know, fire?"

"Well, that's what I'm guessing at least," I answer. "Fire mana protects from burns, so I'll make a lot of that, just in case."

"Alright..." She doesn't sound convinced. I grab my bag from the tree again and pull out the ignium to generate a whole lot of fire mana this time. I nod a few times once I'm mostly filled with fire, apart from the water and bit of earth I'm still holding onto. Then I set my things aside and reach down for the hobin.

I'm ready this time, I tell myself. I know what to expect. My entire body trembles when I touch the fur, those invisible sensations surfacing at the back of my mind. I reach inside, a knot of nerves and worry forming in the pit of my stomach. I go into its mana well, easily finding its core now that I know where to look. I slide my mana inside, finding the small piece of the hobin that makes it a hobin. My head is already swimming from the anticipation alone. I take a deep breath and use the fire mana to convert it.

This time, I stare straight at it as everything snaps down and the world screams. The hobin is replaced with fire. In the spot on the ground where it was, there is simply fire. It takes a moment for those impossible feelings to retreat enough for me to consciously recognize the change. In their absence, my mind feels clouded over, still ringing, yet somehow clear.

I'm still touching it and I can feel the extreme heat. I can tell it isn't burning me, but pull my hand back anyway. The grass around it scorches and withers quickly, but the fire just stays there, as if floating. It flickers and waves, but still has the vague outline of the shape the hobin had.

This fire is... different. I can tell just by looking at it, this isn't normal fire that comes from burning things. It's just... fire. Pure energy just floating around on its own. Like the absolute mana I showed Emily earlier. I tilt my head a little as I stare. I feel like I can... understand it, just by looking at it. I understand this energy, on some level.

I reach out with both hands, clapping them together over the floating fire energy, and pull it into myself. It's hot on my palms for just an instant, but then it's all absorbed into me, just like mana. Or, just like normal mana. I can tell, this is mana too, just another type. Like fire, but pure. More... powerful, I guess.

I continue to stare at my hands for a few long moments, until Emily shakes me. "Aria?" she asks.

"Yeah?" I turn to look.

"What happened this time? You made it into fire then... put it out or something? Is the hobin just gone this time?"

"No, I absorbed it. That fire was another type of mana." Rather than answer me or ask any more questions, Emily just waves a hand in front of my face. Something about the motion makes me realize I'm still staring right through her. I try to focus on her face for a few moments, then make myself blink a few times. I shake my head, trying to clear the those feelings that make it hard to think.

Emily rubs my back. "You don't need to keep doing this if it's too hard. You know that, right?"

"Sorry, it's fine. It's just..." I don't know how to put it into words. I think for a bit longer as my head begins to clear before I come up with something. "I guess it kind of messes with my head and makes me all dazed when I do it. I think I'm getting used to it though."

"If you say so..." She frowns deeply as she replies. I'm not sure if she believes me. I'm not even too sure myself.

But I think of something to lighten the mood. I hold my hand up. "Here, look at this," I say quietly, and push out a tiny bit of the special fire. It's like a tiny dot of floating flame, and Emily gazes at it in wonder, eyes sparkling. It floats upward though, starting to get away from me, so I grab it again. Can't I keep it in place? I try to push it out, but keep hold of it this time. It floats just off of my skin, still extremely hot, wavering around as I fight to control it. It is a completely different level of difficulty compared to controlling mana inside of other bodies. No matter how hard I try, I can't keep it from wiggling and wavering around, like it's being blown every which way by some invisible raging wind. Eventually, I give up and pull it back in. Looks like I still need a lot more practice with my control.

"That's pretty amazing," Emily says, her frown softening a little.

"Yeah," I agree, but then I remember. "But..." I lower my gaze to the ground. "It's the life of a hobin." Emily looks away as well.

"I... guess we can use them for this too..." she murmurs.

"Yeah," I agree again, even if I hate the thought. Even more than killing them for food or money, I forced it to change its entire life into fire. Why? At least when we eat them, I can say that I'm killing them for food. But this is just wrong. Sure, I learned something. Weird knowledge that feels impossible to get my head around and fills me with strange and unexplained feelings of something only faintly similar to dread. But I have learned something. Yay.

There is no good reason to change a living thing into fire. I can feel it, not in those swirls lingering at the back of my mind, but squarely in my chest. I've done something bad. I rewrote that hobin's life. And since it's just energy now, there's no way it can be changed back like the last one. These thoughts make me sick, but I already did it. All I can do is try to move on.

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Closing my eyes and forcing away the dark thoughts and revulsion, I try to look forward once more.

"Only one more," I say. I have to stop when my body shudders, bile rising in my throat at the thought. Once I've recovered, I go on. "I tried a solid and energy element. Last are the different ones. Light, and dark." I leave out absolute since it doesn't mix and can't be used to convert a mana well. "I'll do light, since dark is too hard to work with."

Emily doesn't look happy, but she nods. I follow her up into the tree once more. We sit just like before as she gently comforts me. I guess even if I don't say anything, she can completely read my mood. "Killing hobins is really hard, isn't it?" she whispers in my ear.

I... forgot about that. This whole time, she's been the one doing all the killing, ever since I asked for her help. The memory of the gore, the smell, the feeling of fading warmth from their corpses. They come back, but they aren't that bad anymore. Watching Emily dress them for so long, it doesn't really bother me like it used to.

But no, this is different. I don't think she understands it like I do. This is different. "No," I mumble back. "I'm not killing them. I'm... erasing them." It's like I'm wiping out their entire existence, turning it into something else. "It's really scary," I admit. "It makes me sick."

"Mm..." Whether she truly understands or not, I can't tell. But then she says, "You don't have to, you know. You can just stop."

I hesitate, but I shake my head. As much as I hate it, I need to know more. "Sorry, I can't think of another way to try and learn more."

"It's fine," she sighs. "Do what you have to do." She just keeps rubbing my head, her other arm wrapped around me so I don't fall out of her lap in the tree. I mindlessly convert my fire mana back, leaving the special fire as it is. What should I call it? I don't really want to think about it... Putting it from my mind, I just enjoy Emily's comforting touch for a while.

----------------------------------------

"Aria," Emily whispers. I open my eyes. I'm ready this time. I watch the next hobin that comes, silently apologizing as I drop down on it. Emily grabs my bag and tosses it down to me before jumping down herself.

"Last one," I say to myself with determination while I use the tin to generate some light mana. I kneel down, swallowing my feelings. All I need to do is focus on learning right now.

I push into the core of the hobin's being and replace it with light. Then I watch as the living creature before me twists and collapses. Or maybe it's my mind twisting until I see it, now a hobin shaped form made of light. Watching the impossible change once more... I feel somehow numb to it. It matches those unthinkable thoughts at the edge of my mind that say this makes perfect sense.

It still makes me shudder, but now I understand why. Whatever is happening, whatever I'm watching that I can't even understand as it lies in front of me, it is a lot. Too much for me to know. Like the endless complexity of Effy's manastone, but far, far more.

After the change, I just keep staring at it. Still holding my mana to look all the way inside of it, I can tell immediately. Like a formless, instinctual understanding that reaches from the stinging depths at the edges of my mind.

This form is like the stones in the rail unit building.

I will myself to translate. No, reduce. Cut down the feelings and the infinite information stored in them, bring them up to the surface of my thoughts with a pained wince of meaning and knowledge. Let my imagined vision and meaning of the things I'm working with break through in ways my mind can actually understand.

I... think it works. I can understand a little bit.

I look, recognizing for once that 'look' is a poor substitute for my... Again, I don't have a word for it. My 'mana' senses. Normally, I don't think about that, but those painful foreign impressions make it very clear there is no sight, sound, smell, or any other normal sense that aligns with the sensations and methods I use to feel and manipulate mana. But I can only work with concepts that my mind can actually comprehend, so I make do.

'Looking,' I start to examine the form I've created from what was a hobin before. A core part of light, just like those strange stones. But the way it moves... also different. It's missing the next part that was attached to the light.

This one doesn't trace out that structure, so it can hold anything.

Really? I drop some colorless, light, water, and earth inside, a little of each. It all just sits there without changing or anything, exactly like those feelings just said. I try to put it into words, have to pull myself back into my own head first.

Without that missing connection, it doesn't really function like a real mana well, so it doesn't convert all mana inside into one type. But its physical appearance isn't right either. I have to work to adjust my mind all the way out, back to my real physical sight again. It's a floating light instead of a stone. But I thought the form was the same as those stones from the rail unit building. So why are they different?

Because they aren't the same.

Why not? I ask with a wince. Keeping myself like this, one hand below to drag the unknown information back, my brain feels hot from reorganizing all the nonsense into thought. Overworked pain starts to seep in.

I keep going anyway, letting my senses shift back to my mana in the light that feels like a broken mana well. What about it is different from those stones?

Inside.

By the time my shuddering brain cuts down the instinct into logic, it doesn't even provide enough information to be helpful. Inside? What does that mean? Rather than working through the layers of translation, I just try to reach down and go with the unnatural instinct itself.

Without any true understanding of my own actions, I begin to move.

I back out a little, out of the light. From outside, the mana well looks like some sort of perfect, bright light. And like the hobin I changed with earth, this light makes up the core of another space, like another mana well outside of it. Like they're nested one inside another.

Inside.

I grit my teeth a little as the impression teases along my mind, unable to actually comprehend the ridiculous amount of absurd information. This structure, it's odd. Different than the stones.

Once more, I move without conscious understanding, my actions drawn along an unknown knowledge of how this works.

I just sort of... I don't know. The motion, the action doesn't make any sense. Doesn't follow any of my slight, logical understanding of how these things work.

I just kind of...

Take the inside and make it outside.

I can feel that beautiful, perfect light collapse away, only a piece of normal light mana remaining. That changes the core of this second, outer mana well, righ-

Everything flips through another impossible shift, the formless well spinning itself out in more directions and patterns than can possibly be, with an instant of crumbling nonexistence. I don't have any time to brace myself first. My brain writhes, the non-physical sensation like pain washes through my overused brain. It makes me slip a little, let those strange sensations press in a little closer before I can work on bringing my thoughts to bear again.

Pushing away the overwhelming flood of impossible with logical thought, my stomach clenches, nausea coming with the overbearing sensations.

Then the change is over, and the result is a stone. The special stone I knew I felt just before. A container for mana, just like those other ones.

It's missing one part.

Yes, right, it's missing that one part that makes it a functional mana well.

I pull back again, all the way out, to look at the stone sitting on the ground before me.

It's hard to see it properly. Think properly. It isn't moving like its insides are. Or maybe I'm moving, I can't really tell.

Then I finally get my eyes to work properly and take in the physical thing. It's still shaped like a hobin. "The shape is wrong," I murmur. I still remember how the stones are supposed to be shaped.

"Just an appearance..."

Those non-thoughts come rushing forward again, my hands moving by instinct. I can tell by feel, this formless container for mana, it's outward appearance doesn't truly matter.

I cup it in my hands, pushing in, with sudden, searing movement in my thoughts. It flattens, takes on a nice, shiny look as the sides all smooth with my changes.

No true changes.

Then it's just right, eight perfectly smooth sides, coming to points at both ends, four corners where it's widest at the middle. I gaze at the nice, shiny stone resting in my palms, a somewhat clear gray. The outside is perfect. "That's what it should look like..." I mutter to myself with a small smile. Even though the structure inside isn't the same.

Should I fix that too?

Why not? Then it would be right. Exactly how it should be.

Exactly what it's supposed to be.

Right?

The thought pushes something away. Forces the hobin's original appearance crashing back into my mind. Physical sensations with it. The softness of its fur. The heat of its body. The beat of its heart. Something snaps back. Away.

Formless pain and nausea.

I drop the stone and stumble away. I can't fight the urge at all, I rush to a nearby tree and begin to vomit. Revulsion completely overtakes my senses as I replay the scene over and over in my head.

The way I just changed that hobin, following those untouchable instincts, forming and flattening it down into a nice little stone like that wasn't completely insane.

Puking hurts, like all of my insides twisting into a knot while I cough up fire. But that's good. The pain is real. Helps me focus. Sometime in the middle of throwing up, my ringing ears and throbbing brain begin to work again, and I can feel Emily rubbing my back. I can hear her voice in my ear. Even if I don't understand her words, her voice is comforting.

Eventually, I manage to recover enough to wobble my way back over to our tree. I can still smell my puke from here though. I lie down at the base of the tree. "No more," Emily says definitively.

"Mm," is the only response I can muster. After waiting a little while for the world to stop spiraling around me so much, making sure that the pressure of that unknown has receded, I sit up again.

"Feeling a little better?" Emily asks.

"Not much," I answer truthfully. I still feel sick to my stomach thinking about what I did. How I just followed those unknowable impressions of everything until I did something like that. But I have to turn my thoughts away from it so I don't throw up again.

"Come on, let's go. You've studied enough today, let's go do something else." I nod wordlessly. "We can head back home, get some sewing done," she suggests, receiving another small nod. I hear her gathering up my things, then she helps me up from the ground, and we begin to walk back toward home.

Emily keeps an arm around me for support the whole time. "Apologize to everyone for me, we'll have to leave the hunting to them today after all." I don't even need to relay her words since they all hear what I hear, but they have no complaints after what I just put us all through trying to figure things out. They'd rather not experience that again either.

We slowly make our way out of the forest, heading back through the gate. It's still hard to focus on my surroundings, but I don't really care that much anyway. I'm more worried that I messed up our day together...

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It takes some time, walking slowly, before we get home again. I'm not sure what time it is. We sit on the floor and quietly sew patches on my new clothes. Unlike last time, there are more patches and thread. We only use what we need to though, so I'll have more for later, whenever I get more clothes.

While we work, Emily talks about her time at the bar, the stuff she's been doing, the customers she's getting to know. I'm glad, she still sounds happy, like I didn't mess everything up. I listen quietly, smiling at her funny stories about the antics of the drunk customers. It helps keep my mind off what happened earlier, at least a little.

I'm definitely better at sewing. After getting bits of practice over the last few months, it's getting easier. Even if I'm not as fast and my stitches don't come out as well as Emily's, at least I don't have to fight to get each and every one done. It's a nice, simple job that I can just focus on. Once we finish my new clothes we do some work patching new spots wearing out on my old ones. Then Emily's clothes, and finally her blanket.

At some point, Emily stops talking about her job. She looks up and asks, "Do you think you can eat?"

"I don't know." My stomach is still kind of twisted up in knots from earlier.

"Here, at least try." She hands me a piece of fruit. I take slow, tiny bites. It actually helps some. Helps my stomach calm down. I continue to munch... and munch... and munch... Hardly realizing it, I end up eating five whole fruits, even though my stomach doesn't feel great. Then I look down at the inedible core of the last fruit still sitting in my hands. Slowly, I set it down on the floor.

"Hey, Emily."

"Yeah?"

"I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean?" she asks, sliding over to sit next to me in the corner of the room.

I pull my knees up to my chin. "I feel really bad for what I did. I already know that I'm a bad person. Not that I'm even a person," I mutter under my breath. "But what I did was really bad. Like, really, really bad. Worse than bad. I just... don't know what to do."

"I think the word you're looking for is 'evil'." She puts an arm over my shoulder and draws us close. "It means when something is completely bad in every way, with absolutely nothing good. It's the complete opposite of good. But that's not you," she assures me. "Even if you did something bad, it's not like you wanted to, right?" I just nod and lean my head on her shoulder.

"You are not evil," she says it again and rubs my head with the hand on my shoulders. I want to believe her, but... what good does she see in me? I'm too scared to ask. What if she can't come up with anything? That would mean I am evil. I don't want to be evil...

"Haa..." Emily sighs. "You can't hide your feelings at all..." She brings her free hand to my face, wiping the tears away from my cheek. "You can't see the good in yourself at all, can you?" I lower my gaze when her guess is right, as usual. If there's some good like she thinks, I have no idea what it is.

"Look, I wouldn't have wanted to be friends with you if you were all bad. You do have good qualities, even if you don't want to see them." I open my mouth slightly, unsure. "You're nice. You're always helping me with things." Help her? When have I ever actually helped Emily? She's always the one helping me. "For instance, I was really nervous last week when I was making food. You came over and stood with me. It helped me a lot. Why did you do that for me?" she asks.

"I-I was just worried if you would be alright with that big crowd," I mumble.

"Exactly." She gives me a light squeeze around my shoulders. "You care about me. You care about everyone. Bad people don't care about others."

"I'm always hurting everyone around me. I'm really just trying to stop myself from hurting them," I explain.

"That's what I'm talking about," she insists. "You think of it like a bad thing, but it really shows how much you care about others. I really like that about you. It's a good thing."

"Good...?" I mutter, confused.

"You spend all your time thinking about how not to hurt others..." she repeats what I said. "That means you just want them to be happy, right?"

"I don't..." I don't know. "I..." She lifts my chin so I'll look her in the eyes and tell her. "I've always been a burden. So I'm always thinking about not bothering and inconveniencing everyone," I admit, "or making their lives worse with my presence. Does that really mean I want them to be happy?"

"Yes, it does," she says simply.

"It... does...?" I murmur. I never even imagined it could be like that.

"There are lots of good things about you, if you're just willing to look," Emily whispers quietly. "You're warm, and fun to talk to. You come up with lots of exciting things. Your hugs feel good, and your hair is really pretty." I blush when she suddenly just starts praising a bunch of stuff about me. "You taught me to hunt. I don't have to struggle to barely get by anymore. And if it wasn't for you, I never would have realized I love to cook. I have a goal now. Aria, you changed my life."

"I..." I don't know what to say. When she lays it all out like that... I actually did things to help Emily. Good things. "I... did good..."

"You did good," she praises me again while rubbing my head. I... feel good. The knot in my stomach eases, and she slides my head from her shoulder to her lap. Still petting my hair gently, she begins to hum.

She did this once before, didn't she? My worry and stress fade as I finally calm down. I'm tired from everything I did earlier. Not physically, but mentally. Drained inside. Resting like this really helps.

Just like that, Emily's warm touch and soft voice lull me to sleep.

I drift off for some time before the nightmares come back. The bad things that have happened to me, the bad things I've done. I remember those hobins. It makes me recoil, but I can still feel Emily with me.

I look at the terrible things I've done, all the pain I've brought to others. But that isn't everything. Even as my dreaming mind dredges up all the awful things, I manage to weather it and remember. Not all of it was bad, I've done good things too.

It eases the pain, like a little flicker of light inside me.

End of Book Five.