When we arrive back at the orphanage, everyone goes inside. Just walking in the door, the whole feel is completely different today. Groups of kids are talking, walking around, and everyone just feels so relaxed compared to usual. I look around, getting excited by how lively it is. I overhear a few older boys nearby talking about how someone looks, a group of younger kids discussing what to play. People walk past. Everyone still glances at me once in a while, but they're all way more involved in talking to each other, unlike usual.
"Come on, Aria," Emily calls because I got distracted and fell behind. I hurry to catch up. We pass through the kitchen, and I can smell food cooking. When I point over at the fire, Emily explains, "We get to eat lunch on Shanaday after church. Everyone gets really excited for it." I nod emphatically, but... why doesn't she sound that interested? We cut through a few more rooms, then Emily waves at someone when we approach.
"Hi Andy!" She's so excited, I've never seen her like this before. I hesitate a little, but push past the surprise after a moment. A taller boy gives us a wave as we walk up.
"Hi Emily, who's this?" Then I arrive in front of him and look up... I gape up at him. Wow, he's so tall... He doesn't look all that old, but he's so much taller than others, almost like an adult, that it's hard to guess his age. Ten? Fifteen? His messy brown hair makes him look young, but his confident smile and height make him look older...
"This is Aria, she's the new girl."
"That's the new girl?" he asks, he looks surprised. "But she's so small!" Then he leans down. "Hi Aria, I'm Andy." He hesitates for a few moments when I don't respond.
"You're soooo tall." The words I finally get out aren't the ones that I meant to say.
"She's kind of a weirdo. We're in the same room, so I've been helping her out." Emily grins and Andy laughs.
"Wait, you're in the same room? She looks so tiny though," he says.
"Ah, It's good to meet you." I finally manage to get over my wonder at his height and straighten out my responses, even if they come a bit late. Wait, did he just call me small? Twice? I look away and grumble, "I'm... really small for my age."
"Anyway, these are my friends," Emily says, moving right past it. As she does, the other people here come forward as well.
"Hey, I'm Tony."
"I'm Robin."
"I'm Jess." The first two are boys who look shockingly similar. One is probably a little older than the other, about eight and nine, but they have the same squarish faces, the same messy black hair, the same oddly muscular builds, and their skin and clothes are even stained black the same way. Though it doesn't exactly look like dirt, maybe it's something different. The third one is a younger girl. Maybe six years old. She also has black hair, which is cut at about shoulder length. She's kind of cute, and pretty small. Because she's only a little bigger than me.
I look between the children and Emily. Then I ask, "What are 'friends'?" They seem like an acquaintances, because she knows them, but the way they speak makes it seem like there's more to it than that. I can't tell what it is though, just something different. The way everyone turns to stare at me... I... definitely just asked a weird question...
Accustomed to my stupid questions, Emily is the first to recover. "Well, you see, a friend is kind of like..." she waves her hands awkwardly. I can tell from her look she doesn't know how to explain it. She glances at the other children like she's asking for help.
"Uhh," Andy steps in, "friends kind of... uhh... they get along?"
That finally gets everyone going. "Yeah, they do stuff and talk about stuff," Robin adds.
"And they do stuff for each other, they help each other out," Tony says.
"You're happy when you're with friends, right?" Jess asks, and everyone nods along and agrees.
"Yeah, that's the kind of thing a friend is," Emily wraps it up.
"Uhh, I think I kind of get it..." The whole thing seems a bit complicated, but I feel like I can grasp the overall idea. So being friends is a sort of feeling you get that's a mix of a lot of different things. No wonder why it's so hard to explain. I'll probably get a better understanding if I ever manage to make a friend.
"Aaah, we got off track again," Emily sighs. That tends to happen a lot when I ask stupid questions in the middle of our conversations... "I was just introducing you to my friends. Everyone, this is Aria." She already introduced me to Andy, but I guess she hadn't gotten to introducing me to everyone else yet.
"Hi, I'm Aria. It's nice to meet you all." I bow and try to give a nice greeting to Emily's friends, since she's always helping me so much.
"She's really cute when she's serious," Tony laughs. Everyone joins in, laughing along. I tilt my head, not quite understanding. People seem to call me cute once in a while, but what about me is cute?
"Don't worry about it, Aria." Andy waves while laughing. "Come on everyone, lunch will probably be done soon." We all move toward the dining room.
While we circle through a few rooms on our way to the dining room, Robin looks over. "Hey Aria, where are you from? What happened to your parents that you wound up here?" When that question suddenly blindsides me out of nowhere, I freeze. I stop mid-stride, entirely unprepared.
"Hee," a small sound slips out of my throat. My eyes are wide, I can feel myself trembling a little. I had some answer to that prepared at some point, but the surprise knocked it right out of my head.
"Hey!" Emily hits Robin, "That's a touchy subject! I haven't been asking her about it because she comes from somewhere really bad."
"Really bad?" Andy asks. "What does that mean?"
"I don't know exactly..." Emily trails off. While their conversation continues, I begin to get my mind back into working condition. I need to come up with some response.
"You don't know, but it's bad?" Andy seems confused. Emily bites her lip, then glances at me.
"Actually..." When I still don't respond, she goes on. "She wakes up screaming over and over all night, every night. She said she has nightmares whenever she closes her eyes, so it must come from living somewhere really bad..."
"Woah, that's intense," Tony comments. Their eyes turn back to me again. They look like they want more information. I've finally calmed my thoughts enough, but don't have any good answer, and I don't want to lie to them. No more than I already am just by being here.
"I..." I take a deep breath. "About my past... I can't say."
"Can't say, like you can't remember?" Jess pipes up.
I shake my head. "It's... complicated. I can't talk about it." I can't because if I did, everyone would find out I'm a rail unit, and I would get kicked out. I look down, unable to meet their eyes.
After a few moments, Andy says, "Well, you heard her. If she doesn't want to talk about it, let's not press her too much. Come on, I think I hear them serving lunch." Having successfully diffused the situation, Andy gets us all to the dining room and we sit down at a table. They're passing out food, and soon we've all been served.
I try to push the last conversation out of my head by focusing on the food. Actually, the food is different now, so it's easier than I'd thought. Rather than stew like we've eaten for every other meal, it looks like the vegetables were chopped up and kind of cooked without gravy. Maybe they were seared on a metal pan, like Marrianne did a few times. It really changes the taste. It even feels a little different in my mouth when I chew. Just a bit crunchier. I eat quietly, just trying to focus on the food. The kids are holding a low conversation, but it seems like they're mostly focused on the food today too.
Usually Emily doesn't seem very happy with the stew, but now she's a little more energetic. But... still not like the others, is there something wrong with hers? All the others are happily eating. I guess it's because it's a special meal we only get once each week. After the first few bites, I would agree that this is quite a bit better than the usual stew. The vegetables are all more flavorful for some reason. Maybe it's the way they're cooked. That and the lack of that hard to describe, kind of weirdly gritty gravy which doesn't taste like much, probably makes it all better.
Now that I know some of these vegetables, I pick them out, taking a bite of them individually. Ooh, carrots have a very good flavor. They even have just a little bit of sweetness I don't remember them having most of the time. Then there's a colorful hoffa. I take a bite of one. Wow, it's much sweeter than carrots are. Hmm, this berry isn't anything I know the name of... I eat it, my whole face scrunching up immediately. Sour!
I take a few moments to recover from the sudden unexpected flavor. As I sit, a thought pops into my head again. I wanted to ask about it earlier, but forgot. "Hey Emily, what was that thing they went around with at church?"
"Uuuhhh..." she thinks about it, but doesn't seem to be coming up with an answer. "Jess, what's that thing you touch when you pray in church?" she asks.
Jess looks over from her spot a few seats down. "Those are the divine totems."
"Divine totems?" I don't understand the term at all.
"They're basically a representation of the gods. You touch them and pray so your prayers will reach the gods.
"Hmm..." I take a bite, chewing the sweet vegetable slowly as I ponder her response. Representations of the gods? When I touched it, I felt like I was connected to something. Was that connection to a god? Is that why it felt different than connecting to my divine gear? "Uh, when you touch it, does it feel weird to you?"
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"Weird? How so?"
"Uhh, I don't really know how to explain it..." I move my hands vaguely. "Like, uhh, connecting... or something..."
She kind of shrugs and says, "No," unable to understand my terrible description. The other children shake their heads as well. I blink. This feeling.
I'm on someone's shoulder. "What the?" I suddenly feel helpless again, unable to move my limbs at all. I glance around with my eyes, barely able to lift my head. I see nicer clothing, an adult's back. Mister Fredricson. Glancing around, I figure it out. Apparently Mister Fredricson has me thrown over his shoulder and is carrying me. How? What happened?
----------------------------------------
"You're awake?" Mister Fredricson asks. "You fainted again."
"Why?" I ask. I don't understand.
"How should I know?" He sounds like he's complaining. "I swear, you're more trouble than you're worth." Then why hasn't he kicked me out?
Most of my vision is taken up by his shoulder, but I spot his office in my periphery, then the room from last time. He tosses me on a wooden bed. "Stay there, I'll check on you later."
"W-wait, Mister Fredricson."
"What is it now?"
"Umm, I'm sorry. I'll probably fall asleep lying here like this, and I don't want to bother you with my screams again..." Mister Fredricson just sighs in response, so I continue. "Could you get me the rag I use? It's on my bed." He doesn't respond and just stomps out of the room. I don't know if that's a yes or no...
After his footsteps disappear, I continue lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. I'm not panicking like last time at least. Since this has already happened, I know that I'll regain the energy to move again after a while. What I want to know is why. Why is this happening?
I'll go through the possibilities. Both times have been during a meal. So the most likely possibility is the food. Something about the food we eat caused this? If that's the case, then why has it only happened twice?
What else could it be...? The only other similarity is that both times I was talking to Emily. But I talk to her all the time while eating. Well, today I was also talking to her friends. The first time it happened was the first time I shared a meal with Emily, the second time when I shared a meal with her friends. It's a connection, but I don't have any idea why talking to new people during a meal would cause me to faint. It never happened back at Marrianne's house.
Besides sharing a meal with new people, it was also the first time I ate those particular meals. Since we have stew every day, this was my first new meal since my first day here. But again, nothing like this happened at Marrianne's house, and we ate all sorts of different meals there.
When no other possibilities seem to pan out, I go back to my first thought. Even with so many pieces of the puzzle missing, the most likely possibility is that it was something I ate. Most of the food we eat comes from the things we gather in the forest, so it could be some specific plant that the kids don't find as often. Wait, there was one other thing. The last time I fainted was seven days ago. I didn't know about church at the time, I must have fainted at breakfast just before we went. Since both times were on the day we go to church - Shanaday it was called - maybe there's some food we only eat on Shanaday?
Those are the two main possibilities I have in mind. It's a certain food, and we may only eat that food on Shanaday. All the other ones seem like too much of a long shot to consider too seriously right now.
By the time I think through all of those possibilities, Mister Fredricson returns. He holds the cloth dangling between two fingers with a disgusted expression. "Mister Fredricson, are there any special foods we only eat on Shanaday?" I ask while I still can.
"No, why?" Well I guess that's not it. So it's most likely a something we rarely gather in the forest.
"I was thinking this is probably caused by something I've eaten."
"Huh..." He pauses for a moment. "So you asked because it's only happened on Shanaday." Wow, he picked up on that fast.
"Yeah. I'll be careful with what I eat from now on." Apparently the conversation is over, because he proceeds to stuff the cloth into my mouth without further comment before using a rag to wipe off his hands with a grimace. I gag a little before I manage to ball it up in my mouth.
"I'll check on you later," he says as he leaves. I lie there for a little while, unable to do anything else but think.
There are so many things I learned about today. Gods, church, strange objects that react like my divine gear. When I think of that, I glance around. I'm alone, so I attempt to flare my divine gear again. Like last time, nothing happens. I forcibly control my breathing. No need to freak out, it could be related to being immobile right now. For all I know, whatever is keeping me from moving my body might also be keeping me from controlling my mana.
Though now that I think about it, how do I control my mana? Besides the one time I couldn't use my gear, and earlier with that... divine totem it was called, the only time I've ever used my mana is when I lit up my divine gear. How did I do it exactly? It was always just a little mental push. Kind of like the way I pushed my mana today. It's weird though. I can't really grasp the feeling of it when I'm not doing it. Like some kind of reflex, I can't seem to do it on command. Or at least not now. Which again, might be because this strange immobility is also stopping me from doing that.
I let out a long sigh. I can't figure anything out in my current situation. All I can do is go around in circles in my own head. I'd rather sleep, but it's so hard to stop my restless thoughts. I'm still confused, and worried, and kind of scared by this. Even if I'm not frantic because I've been through it before, lying here with no ability to move is still scary...
It seems hopeless to quiet my thoughts. They just jump from one topic to another as I continue to worry about the things happening around me. I don't know how long it takes before just lying still finally begins to make me sleepy. I repeatedly try to clear my mind and let sleep take me, before my thoughts wander again. Each time I get a little closer though, until I finally manage to drift off.
Which leads me straight into nightmares about eating scary foods and dying. And the strange and powerful gods coming after me with strange, powerful objects. I jolt awake again. It doesn't seem like it's been very long, but I can mostly feel the energy in my limbs again. When I try, I'm able to lift myself up in bed with a good bit of effort. I slide to the edge, carefully putting weight on my feet. I push up, just managing to stand. I'm trembling a little and it feels like my legs can only put out enough force to barely keep me standing, but I can do it. I take a few hesitant steps before sitting back on the edge of the bed.
Since I'm able to move again, I try calling out. "Mister Fredricson?" I wait for a bit. I don't know if he's in the next room over right now. Then he walks in.
"What do you want now?" he growls.
"Sorry, I can basically move again now."
"Then go," he walks out of the room again. I take slow steps over, walking through the door. He's already sitting at his desk, head down, probably working on something. I quietly close the door behind me, then walk over to the door to the hall. I open and close the door quietly again so I don't bother him.
Once outside, I let out a long sigh. Judging from the light in the windows, it's not all that late yet. Even though I fainted at lunch instead of breakfast, it's still light out. I've recovered much faster than last time. I don't know why though. If it is the food, the biggest difference would be the way it was cooked. Apart from that, the biggest difference is how tired I was that time. Maybe it took longer to recover because I was tired?
I can't check that now, so I give up on it. For now I'll just get more sleep. More time to sleep is always a good thing with how little rest I get between nightmares. So I plod over to the stairs. I can basically walk like this, but it turns out climbing is too much. I sit at the edge of the stairs for a bit since I can't go up. Passing children look at me strangely, but I don't want to bother them, so I don't say anything. If I just wait a little longer, I should recover enough strength to climb up. So I just sit at the edge of the stairs, idly kicking my feet as I wait.
"Aria?" I look up when I hear my name. It's Emily, probably heading upstairs. She's crossed between dumbfounded and worried. "Are you ok? What are you doing sitting there?"
"I'm feeling better. I was just going to our room, but it doesn't seem that I've recovered enough to climb the stairs yet."
"Ahh..." that just makes her look more worried. She closes her eyes like she's thinking, then turns and crouches down. "Hop on, I'll carry you there."
"Uh, t-thats..." I respond, flustered. I've been carried by adults before, but Emily is my age. Is it really ok to let her carry me around?
She looks away, but says, "Come on, I was going to our room anyway. I'd feel bad just leaving you here." So I finally agree. I try to climb up onto her back, but can't really manage at all. Then she just scoops her arms under my butt and lifts me right up onto her back. I wrap my arms around her, holding on tight so I don't fall off. It kind of feels like she's shaking a bit, and it makes me worried.
"I'm not too heavy, am I?" I ask.
"Hah, you hardly weigh anything, Aria," she chuckles and denies it. I'm not sure though, it still feels like she's trembling a bit under my arms. But then she begins to climb the stairs. She seems to climb so easily that I think I really don't weigh much to her. She quickly reaches the top of the stairs. I shift, expecting her to put me down.
"Umm, I can walk," I say.
"We're almost there," she shrugs, turning down the hall. I wiggle a little, getting embarrassed that she's carrying me all the whole way. Everyone is watching... But it doesn't last long, she gets us there just a few moments later. Once inside, she lets me slide down onto the end of my bed.
"Thanks a lot, Emily," I say, bowing my head.
"It's no big deal," she responds while she hastily digs under her bed. She stuffs some things into a bag. "Well, I'll see you later, Aria." She gives a little wave, but looks a bit flustered. Is she in a rush?
"Yeah, see you later, Emily." I wave back as she quickly leaves the room. I guess she was in a rush. I didn't hold her up too much, did I?
I lie back in bed, looking up at the ceiling. Today was packed with so many things, I'll need to ask about a lot of stuff later. I'll probably be bothering Emily all my weird questions though. The thought makes me sink a little.
I'm not really sure what time it is. Do we get dinner today? Or just breakfast and lunch? I've gotten used to only two meals a day here. I don't know, but Emily should wake me up if we do... right? She seemed kind of busy though, so I don't know.
"Well, she's been doing it as a favor, so I shouldn't expect it if she is actually doing anything important," I say to myself. I'll just try to listen for the sparring whistle. I've gotten used to ignoring the whistles, but if I try not to, it should wake me up for dinner.
I let myself rest. Even if I'm not as tired as usual, I always need more sleep. I put my rag in my mouth, and let myself drift off. I'm in and out of sleep as usual, until the sparring whistle cuts through. It's a bit difficult, but I rouse myself, rolling out of bed. As expected, I can move normally again. Since there's no one in the room with me, I want to confirm whether I can check my mana again. I flare my divine gear for just a moment, and it works as usual. So it was related to whatever left me paralyzed, like I thought. Now that I'm paying attention to it, lighting up my divine gear does kind of feel like I'm pushing my mana at it. It just kind of happens on reflex when I think about it.
I rub the sleep from my eyes and begin to make my way downstairs. At the top of the stairs, I meet Emily coming up.
"Aria, you're up already?" she asks.
"Yeah, you seemed busy earlier, so I wasn't sure if you would have time to wake me up today, so I tried to wake up on my own." I smile. "I'm sorry for always asking you wake me up, it must have bothered you."
"N-no, not at all," she stammers too forcefully. Is she upset about something?
"Well, do we have dinner tonight?"
"Yeah, of course we do," she tilts her head, so I explain my thinking.
"I'm used to two meals a day here, so I didn't know if lunch replaced dinner today."
"Aaah," she says. "Well, we do have dinner. So let's go eat." I nod and we head downstairs.
At dinner, we join up with Emily's friends again. They all say how I scared them suddenly fainting like that, and I apologize over and over again. While we eat, they all talk, and I pay close attention to each of the pieces in the stew, especially the ones I don't know the names of. Nothing bad happens though, so I'm not much closer to solving the mystery. It does let me rule out a number of common vegetables I recognize though.
After dinner, we say goodnight to Emily's friends and go back to our room. It's a thankfully quiet end to an otherwise very eventful day.