It is some time early in the morning when I hear it. A whistle completely unlike the others. It rings through my being, seemingly going on and on, until it finally cuts out. I open my eyes and sit up in bed. It's still really dark, before first bell. The moons are slipping behind the buildings and distant town wall, casting the last of their light in our window.

I spend a few long moments looking down at Emily. Her face is scrunched up and she is moving anxiously in her sleep. I apologize silently, and pet her head a little to help calm her. Her breathing slows I and take some time to just sit with her in the early morning chill.

But the moment soon passes. I gently shake Emily until she squints her eyes open.

"What is it?" she asks sleepily.

"It's time." I respond quietly. It only takes a few moments for her eyes to widen, her sleeping expression rapidly disappearing. She sits up in bed while I slide quietly to the floor. After a long, sad breath, I take off all of my clothes, even the underwear I'm supposed to wear.

It's time to go back.

Emily looks confused, but I just pull on my robe and pick up my basket. Then I nod to her, and we walk quietly out of our room.

No one else is awake yet. We walk down the stairs and out the front door. We cross Main Street in silence, into the northeast district, moving down an empty street. We go for four blocks before I finally build up the nerve to speak, my heart speeding up by the moment. I don't want to do this in the open, so I turn toward an alley between two buildings where no early risers will see.

I stop walking in the middle of the alley so I can turn to her.

"Like I said, I'll tell you everything now." My heart races, cold sweat forming. Emily nods nervously.

I guess the time is finally here. It was nice having a friend, at least for a little while.

"The truth is..." My voice falters. I take a deep, determined breath, and say it.

"I am a rail unit."

It takes a few moments for Emily to process what I said. Then, her eyebrows drop and she responds, "That's it?" She's glaring at me. She's angry? "That's what you're going to say?" Why isn't she afraid? Running away from me? "I thought you trusted me." She grabs my shoulders. Her voice comes out in a growl. "But that's it? You're just going to say something stupid instead of telling me the truth?"

It finally clicks. She... doesn't believe me. "You don't believe me?" All I can do is echo my stunned thoughts. Why doesn't she believe me?

"Who would believe something stupid like that?" She is practically snarling, her fingers digging into my shoulders. I've never seen her so angry before. "I waited, just like you asked! I didn't pressure you. I let you take your time because I thought we-" her voice catches. "I thought we trusted each other!" Tears fall down her cheeks as she grips my shoulders harder. "Just tell me the truth!"

An odd sense of resignation settles over me. "I am telling the truth," I say quietly. I can't even get my best friend to believe me enough to hate me. Is this some cruel joke? Well, it doesn't really matter. It's time to end this...

As Emily grits her teeth and cries, I slowly raise my left hand, palm facing toward me, forearm toward her. I let my expression drop, eyes staring ahead as Emily looks to my arm. My heart falls.

I activate my divine gear, the blaze of light flooding through our dim alleyway.

The shining gear reflects in her wide eyes. I see the moment her pupils contract. The realization. "Y-you're!" Those strangled words are all she can get out at first. Her eyes dart back to my face, it feels like a stake is driving right through my heart, but I just take it and keep my expression blank. This is what I deserve for tricking her. "You're really a monster?" Her shaking hands release my shoulders, immediately grasping protectively around her own. She takes one step backward, then another.

"Yes." I respond. I can see her breath go shallow, panting, as she shakes her head back and forth rapidly. She's hyperventilating. Her eyes unfocused. Is she about to faint? But she just keeps stumbling backward, one step at a time, until she reaches the street. She glances to the side, seeing her escape route. Then back at me, but I haven't moved to follow. If she runs, she can escape. It's only a few blocks to home. I turn around, letting my divine gear go out, and begin to walk, one dragging step after another, down the alley.

I knew it would end this way. So why does it still hurt so much? I can keep my expression blank if I really want, but I can't stop the tears streaming down my face. I clench my fists. Just one more person I hurt. Supposedly I need to survive this battle for some greater purpose, but wouldn't it be so much easier if I just died? I wouldn't need to go through this endless cycle of pain anymore... I wouldn't keep hurting and being hurt...

"H-h-holdit r-r-raiGHt therrrreee!" Emily suddenly shouts, her voice shaking and cracking terribly.

"Huh?" I turn back. She stands at the far end of the alley, her whole body shaking like a leaf in a storm, terror written in every motion. She keeps squeezing her shoulders with her hands, surely reliving the monster attack now that she's faced with another. But she's still standing there.

She takes a step forward, her legs trembling so badly it looks like she'll fall. She speaks in a small, shaking voice that barely reaches my ears. "You said..." Tears start streaming from her eyes as she takes another step. "No on would listen..." My mouth falls open a little. "If they weren't locked in with you." She takes another step, the firey, determined look on her face at odds with the terror in her eyes.

"I'm a better friend than that!" she screams, slamming a fist into the wall next to her. I feel a weight lift. A weight so heavy, it would have crushed my heart. She'll actually believe in me?! I begin to rush forward, but I see Emily almost retreat before digging her nails into the wall next to her so hard it's like she's using it to anchor herself to the spot. I cut short immediately. As strong as she is, and as much as she's forcing herself, she's still terrified of me. How could she not be, faced with a monster like the one that nearly killed her just last week?

I proceed slowly, approaching with one careful, gentle step at a time. Emily stays rooted to the spot, shivering. I stop, keeping a few paces away, trying to show that I won't come any closer.

Once I've stopped, she finally speaks again. It sounds like she's fighting to project confidence, even if it isn't working well. "I promised you a chance to explain. I want to hear it from you. Tell me everything. I'm the one who decides who I should hate!"

I nod slowly. Then I close my eyes and begin to speak. "My full designation is Autonomous Rail, Unit 1A. I was taken from my parents as a baby and placed into the AR program, so I do not know where I was born."

I pause for a moment, I need to explain so the next part makes sense. "Rail units age three times faster than people do until they reach combat age. One year into the program, I had aged to three years old. At that point, there was a training accident with the group of rail units before us. My skull was crushed, but I barely managed to survive. However, my manastone was destroyed. To the best of my knowledge, my manastone was what made me able to do the things a rail unit should be able to do. I stopped aging correctly, so I'm too young." I stop briefly to see if Emily has any questions.

She just looks at the ground, shock mixing in with the terror and determination. I give her some time to process everything. Then she finally looks up. "Go on."

So I continue speaking. This is the bad part of the story... "It has been four years since I was broken. Since then, we have had a regular schedule. At the second bell, we ate a piece of bread with soup. Though I believe the soup was just water." I see Emily wince a little, probably remembering what happened when I learned about the bread. "We ate the same meal for lunch at the seventh bell. There were special days where we would learn combat techniques, math, or a few other topics, but otherwise, we would spar with other rail units at the twelfth bell." I keep my face impassive as I go, but with each word, I feel the swelling emotions continue to grow more painful.

Emily finally interrupts the story to ask a question. "What does 'spar' mean?"

I pause, just a moment. "A spar is a practice fight. When we sparred, we used various types of blunt wooden weapons. The match would end when one side was victorious." She nods slightly. "For the most part, rail units were evenly matched. To avoid unnecessary accidents, matches were generally decided when one gained the upper hand. However, I was broken. I was too small, too young and weak to fight as well as the others. And they had no need to worry about my health or safety since I was already broken. I was beaten unconscious every day." Emily blinks a few times, her mouth hanging open. I just continue the painful story. "That was all we did. We did not go outside. We did not talk, or wash, or do anything besides eat, sleep, and learn to fight. That was my entire life. That continued until some time early this year."

"I'm not sure when, but it was some point in the first few months of the year. I sort of... woke up. I had a desire strong enough to make me break the pattern I'd lived in up to that point. To do something except be miserable."

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I look to see if the explanation is good enough for her to understand, but she just asks, "What did you want...?" in a quiet voice.

"I wanted to know why I didn't want to die." Of course, she blinks in confusion. Obviously it's not something a person would question. "But that was just the first push. As soon as I went outside and started to explore, I realized there were all sorts of things to discover. I spent the next few months wandering the city, watching people, and trying to figure out my own thoughts and feelings. I met some nice children who didn't know about rail units yet, but mostly everyone avoided me until I got good enough at displaying emotions that they couldn't tell I was a rail unit..."

"Are you saying... any time you smile or laugh, it's actually fake?" Emily asks, eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"No," I shake my head. "Without my manastone, I can feel things just like a human does. But I had to learn how to smile when I'm happy and frown when I'm sad, since I was never around people I could learn from before."

"Mmm..." she mumbles. "What is a manastone?"

"I'm not sure what they are, but I know they suppress our emotions, make us age more quickly, and allow us to use our divine gears. They are embedded into our foreheads." I touch a hand to my head, indicating the spot. Her eyes follow, glances up briefly. I drop my voice lower. "You can feel if you want," I kneel down, doing anything I can think of to keep from scaring her.

Since we've been talking for a while now, Emily doesn't look quite as afraid as before. More like a mixture of fear, shock, and disgust. Even so, she takes two careful steps forward, then touches a finger to my forehead. She moves it around briefly, until she feels some of the shards of my manastone. "It's... really there..." she mutters under her breath.

"Yes, those shards are what's left of my broken manastone." Slowly, she steps back again. So I continue. "It was during that period when I first met Francis and he found out I was a rail unit. That time continued until fifty days ago. On the tenth day of Lifas, my group reached combat age, fifteen years old, and I turned seven. We were told we had three months until we went into combat and we began training with our divine gears. That was when I realized that I could not actually use mine without my manastone." I'm still trying to keep a straight face, despite every terrible memory this story brings up. I can still feel it, the shock and horror when I called for Aura and nothing happened... I take a deep breath to keep myself steady as I push down the pit in my stomach.

"When I asked the handlers - they're the ones who raised us," I stop to explain. "When I asked them what I was supposed to do, they told me that my purpose was complete. They had kept me around so I could serve as an example to the other rail units not to let their manastones be damaged, or they would not be able to fight anymore."

"That's... it?" she asks, looking shocked. "They raised you that whole time, just for that?"

"Yes," I say simply in spite of the gnawing pain in my gut. "When I asked what to do next, they told me to go into combat and die."

"They what?!" she gasps.

"Even though I can't use my divine gear, I'm supposed to go into combat against our enemies, because I will draw their attacks away from working rail units," I explain.

"That's insane..." I'm silent for a few long moments as Emily stares at the ground.

Eventually, I go on. "That was the day I left the AR program. I realized that everything I'd been through, all the training and beatings and pain, it was all meaningless. My life doesn't matter at all, not even as a weapon. I was completely overwhelmed with despair. I started to lose my mind, I think. I ended up getting really sick and running through town, delirious and hallucinating. That's how I was picked up by Marrianne. She took me in. She was the first person to ever really care for me and teach me anything about living. It also turned out that Francis was her husband."

Emily's eyes go wide. "Oh," she mutters. I nod sadly to that.

"For some reason, he didn't tell her I was a rail unit. I still don't really know why. I stayed there until I got better, but Francis told me that I wouldn't be able to stay because Marrianne would eventually find. Either because I would give it away, or, you know, because I have to go back into battle. And..." I force out a breath, then continue. "Because Marrianne's only child was taken away by the AR program. She despises rail units."

Emily covers her mouth as she groans a little, tears in the corners of her eyes. I want to cry too, but I fight to hold myself together and finish the story.

"Since I couldn't stay with her, I left. That was when I moved to the orphanage. That... more or less covers everything I wanted to explain. Now you know. I was only at the orphanage, I became friends with you..." I trail off before forcing myself to finish, to tell her.

"I did all of that thinking that I would die soon. I always knew I would leave you behind. But... I'm also scared. I don't want to die, so I went through all of those preparations, hoping to survive anyway, even though I know I shouldn't. Now that you have the whole story, you can see it, can't you? Everything I've put you through, it's all been me just being too weak and scared to go and die like I'm supposed to. I'm just a selfish coward."

With all that said, I slowly turn and begin to walk. Partly because I've finished explaining, partly because the logical part at the back of my mind says I do need to get over to the AR building, I don't know if there are any preparations we're supposed to go through before we leave. But mostly, it's because looking at Emily like this hurts. Coward.

However, Emily follows me. Right out of the alleyway and down the street. She stays silent though, so I don't know what she's thinking about. We keep walking for some time as I see the first rays of sun begin to light the sky as it comes near to rising over the horizon.

"Hey," she finally says. "What about Reena? What did she tell you to do?"

"She said if I fight, I'll die. So I have to focus everything I have on defending myself instead of attacking."

Emily opens her mouth briefly, like she's going to say something. Then she looks aside. "Is that so...?" she mumbles. "What if she hadn't? Would you be trying to kill people?" Her tone turns vaguely accusatory.

"No," I shake my head.

"What do you mean, no? If you used that lightning like the other day, they would die!"

I shake my head again. "I can't attack people, I can only fight enemies."

"What does that even mean?" she growls.

"I mean, it's our duty to protect the people of this city. I can only fight the enemies who attack, trying to harm the people living here. Those would be the rail units sent by our enemies."

"You... can't fight...?" she asks slowly. "So the other day, with that boy..."

"Yes," I answer her unasked question. "He lives here, so I could not hurt him. It's my job to protect him too."

"You're kidding..." she mutters. "But then, all the stories, and the rumors about rail units...?"

"I'm an exception because I'm broken and weak, but the stories about rail units being powerful bringers of death are probably about right. However, we're charged with protecting the people. We could never hurt the people here like the rumors suggest," I explain flatly.

"But then, everything that's said about them, about you... It's basically all lies? We don't have to fear rail units?" she blinks rapidly as she asks.

"Not the ones from this city, no. Enemy rail units, yes."

"Why didn't you tell me that sooner?!"

"Because you wouldn't believe me. No one would." Emily flinches, biting her knuckle and looking guilty. "We're getting close, is there anything else you want to ask about?"

"Umm..." she looks like she's thinking hard. "...If you do survive... will you come back?"

Despite forcibly staying impassive until now, I can't help the faint, sad smile that touches my lips. "That's up to you."

"What do you mean?"

"It depends if you decide to trust me. If you actually accept something like me. If you decide to keep my secret. Or you could warn everyone about what I really am. If they knew I was a rail unit, I wouldn't be welcome any more, you know?"

"T-that's why you couldn't tell..." Emily mutters. "But if you aren't actually dangerous, there's no reason to warn anyone, right?"

"I guess not." My eyes widen a little. But then my thoughts turn dark again. "But that's if you believe what I've told you is true. Given what I am, you have every reason not to believe anything I tell you. I've already been lying to you about my identity, the whole time we've known each other. And even if you do believe me, I'll just end up bringing misfortune to everyone anyway..." That's all I've done so far...

Emily lowers her head and we continue on. I see the stone building down the street, we're nearly there. I look back to her so she'll know. If there's anything else, she has to say it now.

She looks back up. "It's too much. I can't think all of this through right now. So... you have to come back alive. I'll give you my answer then."

"Ok," I nod seriously. If she's even consider it, that's all I can ask for. Far more than I deserve. Then, we finally arrive at the rail unit building.

Emily looks up at the stone building, muttering, "So this is the place you avoided the other day..."

After a long pause, all I can say is, "This is goodbye then." I say it slowly.

"Goodbye for now," she responds with a glare. "Remember, you have to survive to hear my answer."

"Yeah, I will." Then I walk up to the door. As I reach for the handle, I realize. I am a little taller now, aren't I? It doesn't feel quite as high to reach as it used to. I turn the knob and push open the simple door, allowing the putrid stench of unwashed bodies to waft out.

I see the rail units all standing in formation already. Behind them, I catch sight of the new rail units all sitting or lying down on the floor at the back of the room. They're still just babies, like we were when the group before us started fighting. I pull my eyes away and go through the door. Into this awful, horrible place.

I take quick steps into the room and as the door swings closed behind me, the first bell ringing through the city. The door latches with a dull sound; the chime of ringing bells is cut short, and I know I'm really back.

I let the emotions drain from my face, slipping back into the blank slate I'm expected to be, and walk quietly over to the formation, moving to my usual place in the front left corner, which seems to have remained unoccupied since I left.

Fighting to block out all the memories and trembling that comes with them, I stand in my position, and I'm back.