I open my eyes slowly. Marrianne is half sitting at the edge of my bed, arms still wrapped around me as she sleeps. A blanket is draped around her shoulders. Francis must have put it over her. I wait patiently for a little while, not wanting to wake her. Then Francis enters from the other room. It must be time for breakfast soon. He looks at Marrianne sleeping, her breathing is steady, deep. She isn't going to wake up on her own any time soon. Then he looks back up at me. This is the first time we've been able to talk without her present. I take a shaky breath.
"Why are you here?" he asks quietly. I consider the question. He has really gone out of his way to help me. Putting aside his own fear of death, allowing Marrianne to watch over me all the time, not making her scared when she realizes what I am. With a couple words, he could turn her against me at any time. But he hasn't. I guess... I should tell him everything. It's difficult without words, and I'll probably scare him half to death, but I'll just show him.
I check Marrianne again. Still deeply asleep. Then, I take a deep, terrified breath and summon all of my courage. I mouth "sorry," even if he won't understand why. Then I activate my divine gear. Light blazes through the house, washing away nearly all color with its glow. He freezes, back against the far wall, eyes wide with terror.
I bring my bandaged hand to the divine gear. I call forth an armament, any armament, pulling my hand back as if to draw it from the gear, like I saw the other rail units do. Of course, nothing happens. I repeat this a few times. Francis seems to maybe only understand sort of. I let my divine gear fade away. Then, I just shake my head and shrug. I can see the realization in his eyes. "You can't use it?" I nod simply. "At all?" I nod again. He staggers a couple steps to the table, half sits, half falls onto a stool.
The loud clatter of his stool makes Marrianne jolt a little. While she is stirring, Francis takes a few breaths to bring his emotions under control. She slowly raises her head, looking around drowsily. "What time is it?" she asks when she sees Francis sitting there.
"A bit before breakfast," he answers, "first bell went off not too long ago."
"Ok," she nods her understanding, then turns to me. "Are... are you alright?" she asks, clearly worried.
I give her a big nod and smile. Then I hug her. You protected me from the bad dreams, I want to tell her. I want to thank her. Her warmth and care were what finally got me to look at the good memories people have given me. As these thoughts go through my head, they bring up a word I've heard. I couldn't really match it up to anything before. But this feeling, this is it. Tenderness, affection, gentleness, care, warmth, kindness. So many different things rolled together. I've only heard brief mentions, but I understand it now. Love.
She is the first one to ever show me love. I continue hugging her with a big smile on my face, and I think I hear her stifling small sobs as she hugs me back. Eventually, we break apart so she can make breakfast. Having slept two nights in a row, I actually have some energy again. Still, I continue to stay in bed. With all of the emotional ups and downs, not to mention running around town in the middle of the night, my fever hasn't gone down at all. I still hurt all over, hands still burned, feet still cut up. My skinned knees have started to heal, so that's something at least?
But I've finally taken a real step. I can sleep. I can heal. The nightmares aren't gone, but they've eased enough that I can at least get some sleep before they throw me screaming awake again. Marrianne dresses the wounds on my hands and feet again, and puts me down for the day. I only wake up three times between breakfast and lunch. Then three more before dinner.
Every time, Marrianne embraces me, praises me, tells me how brave I am, how hard I'm working to heal. She continues to wipe away my sweat and tears, helps me eat, helps me relieve myself, helps me sleep.
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When nighttime arrives, she's uncertain about what to do, but I pull on her dress to get her to lie on the bed. If she's here with me, I should be able to sleep through the night again. She smiles and lies down. It's really cramped, so there isn't really room for both of us. She ends up holding me in her arms. I wrap my arms around her, snuggling against her warmth, and letting myself drift off to sleep. When the nightmares get too bad, I just squeeze tighter until the terror begins to recede again. I can't count how many times I half-rouse during the night, using her warmth to calm myself and get back to sleep, but I get through it alright. I've slept another night. I can do this.
With my now endless sleep schedule, the days begin to pass more quickly. The next day, she changes the bandages on my hands again, though the burns still don't yet look any better. I still flinch away from the bandages, but then extend my hands. It's not like back then, Marrianne won't hurt me. I keep telling myself that. Two days after that, my fever finally breaks.
It's another three days before I start to feel normal again. And another two before my fever is gone completely. During this time, Marrianne is in and out of the house. She says she needs to go to work, but I don't really know what that means. But I do my best to stay strong and rest even when she isn't there to comfort me. I continue to sleep through the night with her, and it feels like I'm getting better at making it through my nightmares.
It is fourteen days after leaving my home, since coming here, that I wake up healthy. The cuts on my feet have healed, and the burns in my mouth, but my hands are still wrapped up. The skin under the bandages has discolored and changed a few times, but seems to be healing without too much issue. I try to speak a few times, and can just start getting some sounds to come out.
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After we eat breakfast, Marrianne dresses me up again, tying the clothes on in many places so they stay. "Since you look better, I was going to take you with me today, is that alright?" she asks. I nod quickly. Anything she wants. She grabs a large basket from another room, as well as a few tools I've seen before. A knife and a small axe. People buy and sell those at the market.
We make our way into the street, people all over. We go past many people who talk to Marrianne. She has a lot of acquaintances. Many people ask about me, and she explains that she helped me get over a fever. I nod along since I still can't speak. Everyone comments on my strange hair color, but they also say it's pretty. No one else has white hair... As we walk, Marrianne explains that we're going to collect firewood.
We head down the main road, heading west. Slowly, the crowds get thicker as we approach the West Gate. I've never traveled to this part of town before. Marrianne greets all of the armored men there by name as we walk through. She must know all of them. Francis dresses like they do, so... do they know each other somehow?
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We pass through the gate, and I look around. Large trees stand one after another. They told us about forests, apparently they are good for taking cover to avoid being seen by enemies, but should be avoided in combat because they're easy to destroy. But I never imagined they would be so big, with so many trees! I look at them in wonder as we walk toward them. When we reach the first tree, I run up to it. It's so tall, and wide, it seems to just stretch up and up into the sky. I can't even wrap my arms halfway around it.
Marrianne walks up from behind, laughing a little. "So you like trees?" I nod to her. They're really big and cool looking! "Come on, let's get some firewood." We walk a little deeper into the forest. There are lots of other people out here too. There's brush everywhere, so Marrianne ties her skirt up above her knees to keep from it getting snagged.
Mine is still all tied up from earlier, so it isn't a problem. My hair still goes a little past my knees though, so she ties that up too. I'm not sure how she does it, but when I reach behind myself, it ends at the middle of my back now. Then she begins picking up small bits of wood and sticks from the ground and putting them into the basket on her back.
"We collect these so we can start fires," she explains as she shows me the small sticks. I can help with this! I go around, grabbing small sticks as well. It's kind of difficult with the bandages on my hands, but I manage. I give them to her with a big smile and she adds them to the basket. After we travel a good distance into the forest, the trees are a lot more broken up. There aren't quite as many people, so everyone must have spread out all through the forest. Some trees have fallen over, there are bits and pieces scattered around, and smaller trees growing up in spots opened up from the bigger trees. Marrianne takes the knife and axe to cut small branches off of any dead, fallen trees she can find. From time to time, she also crouches down, pulling up small bits of green stuff.
"These are sholly leaves. They have a good flavor if you add them to soup. You can find them by the three prickly points right here." She shows me the green, spiky looking leaf and I nod a few times. As we continue gathering wood and herbs, she keeps showing me new types of plants, new types of wood. She explains each one, how to find them, and how to use them.
She also points out other things. Certain mushrooms that shouldn't be eaten, certain berries and plants that shouldn't even be touched. So not everything out here is safe. I keep that in mind and make sure I walk carefully. It's been a while, and we've collected a whole lot of useful things. Marrianne lifts the basket a bit. Her look tells me she's considering going back now. The sound of crunching sticks and jostling bushes catches our attention though. Some kids are running this way.
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One of them calls out. "Woah, your white hair is really cool!" He grabs some of it to look at it. His fingers tangle in my messy hair and I wince with pain as he pulls on it.
"You shouldn't just grab a girl's hair like that!" a girl following along hits him angrily so he lets go. Wait, I recognize these children. Mary, Ken, and Jeff. As we look at each other, our mouths go open in surprise.
"Wunay?" The boys ask. I smile at them, these boys are nice!
"Hey, my Mom said not to mess with her," Mary says.
"We're not messing with her," Ken denies. Mary grimaces and crosses her arms. The way she glances at me worries me, does she know something? But I don't have time to consider it because Jeff is already talking to me.
"What are you doing here?" Jeff asks while the other two are bickering. I point at the big basket on Marrianne's back.
"So, you're Wunay's Mom?" Mary asks, with a clearly angry expression. I can't quite understand why, I feel like I'm missing some piece of information.
"No, my name is Marrianne. I've been taking care of her. Do you know her? What did you say her name was? Wunay?"
The kids all give her questioning looks, so she explains. "You see, I found her two weeks ago, with a high fever. She's been sick in bed ever since. This is our first time getting out of the house.
"Woah, are you really ok?" all the kids ask. I nod and give them another smile. They look kind of confused again, so Marrianne tells them that I lost my voice to the fever and haven't gotten it back yet.
"If you know her, could you tell me, do you know where she lives, or about her parents?"
"Well..." the boys look away. Marrianne raises an eyebrow.
"It doesn't seem like her parents were really taking care of her," Mary explains. "She, uhh..." Whatever it is, she clearly doesn't want to say it. She looks away and speaks softly. "She was covered in bruises." Marriane's expression darkens, no doubt thinking all of this relates to my nightmares. "I wasn't there for it," nudging Ken, "where did you find her?" she asks so he'll explain.
"We found her in the northeast district. She was crying and looked like she was lost. It looked like her parents never washed her. Or... even taught her how to wash, actually." He's frowning deeply. "It was wash day, so we brought her with us and helped wash her off."
"I see..." Marrianne furrows her brow.
Mary speaks up. "I'm really surprised though. We couldn't get her hair washed out, so I had no idea it would be such a bright white color," a small smile coming back to her face. "I've never seen anyone with hair like that before."
"It must be rare, I've never seen it before either," Marrianne says. Then she turns her head a little, muttering under her breath. I'm surprised I can pick out the words, though I still don't understand them. "Shona maybe?" Then her attention goes back to the children. "So that's it, you don't know anything else about where she came from?" Marrianne asks. The kids just shake their heads. "Well, I suppose that's more than I knew before. Isn't that right, Wunay?" she asks, saying my name for the first time, a glowing smile on her face. I return it and nod back happily. Even if that's not really a name... Having finished, we say goodbye to the children and begin heading back toward town. But it looks like something is bothering Marrianne.
I tug on her sleeve and give her a questioning look. "Ah, don't worry about it, it's nothing," she says when she realizes that I can see her worrying.
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As we go back through the city, we stop at a building I haven't seen before. It's pretty close to the main road, just a little north. Unlike most buildings, it's made of stone and wood, and pretty big. Most of them are just wood. We walk inside. There are some men in armor here. We walk past a few at the front, then a man calls out to Marrianne.
"Hey, Francis is out on patrol right now, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Hello Frank, I wanted to ask if you've heard anything about a missing child." He looks down at me. Mostly at my white hair.
"This one?" he asks, and she nods. "No one by this description, what's her name?"
"Wunay?" she answers. For some reason, her face looks kind of worried. When Frank shakes his head and says he hasn't heard about anything like that, she actually looks a little relieved. I don't understand why, but that doesn't seem like the right reaction. "Thank you, we'll get going then."
"Sure, I'll let Francis know if we get any word on a missing child like her." They exchange farewells and we get going. Then Frank gives me a big smile and waves as we are leaving. It looks kind of funny, so I smile and wave back.
By the time we're back near Marrianne's home, I'm starting to get very tired. Two weeks in bed seems to have taken a serious toll on my stamina. Once we arrive, Marrianne carries the basket into another room. I follow her, having a chance to explore her house for the first time. The connecting room has a bed, much bigger than the one I've been sleeping in. Besides that, there's a big wooden box looking thing, and a window on one wall. Following through another door, there is an area with all sorts of things stacked up. In another corner are empty shelves. Marrianne begins pulling the wood we collected out and stacking it up on the empty shelves.
She carefully stacks all the wood, then sorts out everything else we gathered, putting each thing into its place on the shelves. Some of the herbs and berries we collected go into the area in the main room. The kitchen she calls it. Once I get a closer look, I see that there are more shelves there, stacked mostly with food and things for eating, like the cups and bowls.
Now that I can move around again, there is so much more to discover! Even as I'm getting excited about that, my body is starting to feel really sluggish. I'm really tired from all that walking. So Marrianne changes me into some bedclothes and puts me down for a nap before lunch. It will be later than usual, since we were out around the seventh bell. After lunch, Marrianne continues doing things around the house while I sleep through the afternoon. Despite my nightmares waking me throughout the day, the time still goes quickly. Dinner is ready before I know it.
We all sit down to eat, it's a mixture of bread and vegetables tonight. I know what these are now. Carrots, potatoes, peas. There are some mushrooms and herbs we gathered in the forest today. Marrianne still needs to feed me all the time since I can't use my hands too much with the bandages, but it all tastes so good. Everything Marrianne cooks is tasty and filling.
Once Marrianne is done feeding me the soft vegetables, I gulp, looking at the bread warily. Both Marrianne and Francis look at me, seeming confused. Everything Marrianne cooks tastes good, I tell myself again. Carefully, I pick up the piece of bread, holding it between my bandaged hands. After just a little more hesitation, I give it a small bite. My teeth actually sink into it. I blink a few times. I can bite through her bread. Slowly, I begin to take a few more bites.
It's... good. Nothing like the bread they gave us. It's kind of chewy, but I can actually bite through it, and it has a strong flavor, with little bits of stuff mixed throughout. Francis and Marrianne still look confused, but a little happy too. It isn't long before I finish the meal. I've been so full and happy afterward dinner each night, I start falling asleep right away. Tonight isn't any different, except that Francis strikes up a conversation, waking me up a little. He's been a lot more comfortable around me now that he doesn't expect me to kill him at any moment.
"I heard you came by the garrison today?"
"Yeah," Marrianne answers, "I met some children in the woods. They knew about this little one, it turns out her name is Wunay."
"Wunay, huh..." he glances at me. Somehow, it makes me feel a bit guilty. I know it isn't a real name. It kind of makes me feel like I'm tricking Marrianne. No, I am tricking Marrianne. I've been tricking her this whole time. My heart hurts a little. I'm lying to her so she'll be nice to me...
"Yeah, I'm going to head by the orphanage tomorrow. But..."
"But?" he asks.
"Something's been bothering me," she glances at me. It looks like she wants to say more, but stops herself. "I'll... tell you a little later," Francis just 'hmm's at that. It makes me feel even worse that she doesn't want to talk about something in front of me. I don't think she found out I'm a rail unit though. She's looking at me with concern, not fear.
"Well, I have some news too," Francis changes the topic. "Things are going to be busy at work for a few days. The next shipment of rail units is coming in." His eyes flick to me as he says this. Somehow, it feels like he's speaking to me more than her.
I only see a brief expression before she looks away. Was that... horror, revulsion, hatred? I've never seen her make a face like that. As he said, since we just reached combat age, the next shipment should come in soon. I can remember way back when we were smaller, there were older, combat age rail units. They all disappeared by the time we had matured though. Since it takes five years for a group to become combat-ready, but we only survive three or four years in combat, the last group has been gone for a while now.
Of course, back when I learned this, all of the ages were adjusted assuming that we were aging three times as fast. I guess since our real ages didn't matter, they never bothered explaining the details back then.
Even as I consider the meaning of what Francis is saying, I'm worried about why Marrianne is reacting to the news so badly. I tug on her dress and she turns back to me. She's trying to hide the pain in her expression. "Don't worry, Wunay, it's fine. It's nothing you need to worry about until you're older." She glares at Francis briefly, and says, "You shouldn't mention that in front of her!" in a quiet voice.
Turning back to me, she smiles gently, but says, "As long as you know that rail units are evil monsters, and you stay away from them, you'll be fine until you grow up. I'll tell you about it when you're older."
What? I don't understand all of the words, but that's what Marrianne thinks of rail units? I look at Francis. There's a knowing look in his eye. Her response was worse than any I've seen before. There's clearly some important piece of information that I'm missing. As soon as I get my voice back, I need to find some opportunity to talk to Francis alone.