Book Five: Finding Good
The two weeks after the battle are strange. I spend the whole time in bed, but at the same time, in all of the other places and lives lived by all of the animals I've become a part of. Or that have become parts of me.
Some of the hobins help Emily hunting. They take turns each day while the others continue with their own daily lives, gathering fruit and playing around down on the forest floor. Brom pitches in as well, since he doesn't have too hard a time catching hobins now either and usually has a couple to spare.
After the first day when Myra helps a little too enthusiastically, I tell her she's fine, and she heads back to the mountains where she's from. Of course, she doesn't go without saying that Emily should be stronger and shouldn't have trouble carrying just that much.
Emily isn't as big as you, you know...
I spend a lot of the time looking down at the world through Chisa's eyes though. The sensation of flying is just... incredible. The wind in my wings, ruffling feathers, and the speed, rolling and swooping and diving. Constantly being pulled toward the ground, but strong wings and rushing air keeping me in the air anyway. I could do this forever.
Chisa generally spends her days circling high over the city, where some of the larger birds of prey don't frequent as much. Apparently the larger birds will go after smaller birds like her. She lazily rides the wind currents high up in the air, only flapping enough to maintain altitude while using her incredible eyes to look down for prey far below. Whenever she spots a good mark, she swoops down to snatch up tiny creatures that I've never seen before. Little furry things that fit easily in her claws. They scurry about in and around the city.
Sometimes she goes into the fields outside as well, where there are somewhat larger animals. Some furry, some scaly, some sort of slimy. I need to learn what more of them are, there are so many animals I've never heard of before. It seems like they're all around us, but always hidden just barely out of sight. Chisa used to spend most of her time going up and down the mountains to the west, but she really likes the amount of prey she can find around the city. Strangely, both Chisa and Myra eat the animals they catch raw. I guess they don't need to cook them like we do?
Through Chisa, I think I spot cats for the first time. It's just a guess since I'm not too sure what they should look like, but there do seem to be lots of them around town, like Emily said. So they're probably cats? There just don't seem to be many around the place they take me the first week, or up near the North Gate and the orphanage. I guess that's why I've never seen them.
They're pretty small. If I ignore her big wings, they're a little smaller than Chisa herself. Even from a distance, the cats are kind of fluffy looking. I'd like to try petting one, if I could ever find one myself. Chisa won't get too close to them though. Apparently, they might attack her. They probably wouldn't be able to beat a bird her size in a fight, but it would be pretty close. Some of the bigger cats might try, so she just avoids them.
But on that very first day back in town, Emily wakes me a number of times. Like when she feeds me and needs some help with something using earth mana. It seems like she is helping me, though I'm not really sure why. There are others there too, but it's hard to focus on my own surroundings.
At one point, I wake up to a woman who calls herself a doctor. She says doctors make pain go away? That's right, my own body is in incredible pain, isn't it? Though that is also hard to focus on.
She feeds me this disgusting sludge stuff though. If it weren't for the overload of earth mana, I think the taste alone would make me cry. I've never had anything so bad before. Well, at least it kind of numbs the pain burning through my body.
I guess doctors do make pain go away.
That's about it for the first day though. I end up sleeping or eating through the rest of it.
From there, just letting myself sink into the animal's simple daily lives, the weeks both seem to go on for a long time, and pass very quickly. Though I do still end up waking up in my own body a number of times.
Mostly, it's Emily, waking me up every day to feed me. The food is good, but it seems that the doctor told her to give me more of the terrible medicine. No matter how much I say I don't want it, she makes me drink it anyway. It feels like she's being mean, but there must be a reason for it, right?
During the first week, I also talk a little with Francis, and he gives me the idea that I can just claim not to remember what happened. That'll be way easier than trying to explain, so I agree. As far as I can tell from the little I see of the room I'm in at that point, I'm staying somewhere other than the orphanage. Chisa points out that it's somewhere not far from the central plaza, near the southwest corner of the northeast district.
After that first week, I wake up to a familiar ceiling. I guess I'm back home. By then, I feel a lot better and I can actually sit up a little with Emily's help. Unfortunately, I nearly have a breakdown when I remember that Eryk found out my secret because of something I said while I had way too much earth mana. But Emily and Francis already worked that out. It sounds like he only heard me talk about mana, so he doesn't know I'm a rail unit. That finally lets me calm down. I'm so happy that I didn't get back from the battle, only to destroy my entire life myself...
I guess they're going to tell Eryk about mana though, so that will be one more person who knows. At least it might be helpful since he runs the refinery. Maybe he'll be able to help me out with things.
During the second week, a man I don't recognize feeds me during the days. At first I'm really wary, but he says he's Eryk's personal bodyguard. When I ask Emily about it, she says I can trust him, at least as much as Eryk. Still, just in case, I clear my earth mana whenever he's feeding me, so I won't say anything I shouldn't, and make more with the coins that I assume Emily gave me at some point.
It ends up being unnecessary and painful though. The man hardly speaks. He just feeds me silently, before going on his way.
But moving my mana hurts in a way that's hard to understand. I think it has to do with my insides being all torn up from my injuries. It feels like the mana is scraping fire every time I interact with it. It's weird and hard to describe and awful. Thankfully, those strange, imaginary injuries heal quickly, mostly gone after the first week, the strange pain disappearing with them.
At least there's no more medicine the second week. Besides meals, I spend the rest of my time living through everyone else's lives. It actually gives me a really good layout of the town, being able to look down on it from high above. I even get to see the curve of the planet that Chisa was telling me about, when she flies really, really high up.
Besides the town, she flies around some so I can see the whole surrounding area. It turns out that behind the western forest, the mountains actually extend far, far to the south, even further than Chisa can see from so high up. She can see to the southern end of the forest when she flies pretty far out though.
Just beyond that, there's a town that she can barely see near the horizon. It's too far for even her to make out anything beyond the shapes of buildings. It's probably two or three times the distance as the northern bridge, but it seems that the road that leads there, the same one we use every day coming out of the West gate, runs all the way down through the forest to reach the town. So it would probably take a really long time on foot.
On the opposite side of town, it turns out that the river doesn't just keep going southeast. It turns more toward the east not that far past the town. But then, it actually empties into an enormous body of water. She can see where the land continues on, on the northern and western sides of the water, but even Chisa can't see all the way across to see the southern or eastern sides.
I don't know what it's called, but it doesn't really seem like a river. The water doesn't flow that much, like a river does. Instead, it's like one giant pool. Right near the side of the water is another little town. It might be a little closer than the one near the forest, but the road leading there runs all the way out along the river, so it would also be a really long walk. It's also pretty indistinct at this distance, but I think it's bigger than the other one.
Despite the distances, Chisa sees people and carts heading to and from the two distant towns every day. And besides the towns, there are enormous golden colored fields to the south. It way too tall to be grass, and stretches endlessly, off beyond the far horizon to the south. There are gaps in some places and some areas that look like they have other things growing there, as as well as a few spots where there are a handful of houses, and some clear grass areas with horses or other, shorter animals roaming.
But overall, the golden fields dominate the landscape, giving the impression that they cover most of the lands to the south, stretching clear between both of the small towns Chisa can see in the distance.
It's pretty amazing, I've never had much of an idea about anything outside of town before. Being able to see so far away now fills me with this sense of wonder I've never really felt before. I never knew the world around me was so big!
The only place Chisa can't see very far is off to the west. Just past the forest, the mountains rise so high up that it's hard for even her to fly high enough to see over them. The best she can tell through the narrow gaps between some mountains is that there is more land on the other side.
Apart from the western mountains, she can just barely make out some more mountains to the north, just beyond the battlefield. They seem to be a little broken off from the wall of mountains to the west though, like there's a valley that cuts between them, though I can't really tell. Chisa can see the mountains because they're so tall, but the space between them is already over the horizon.
That one confuses me for a while. It seems weird to think of the world as a big sphere, but now that I've seen it from such a high altitude, I kind of get it. The way I can only see things in a straight line, but because the world is sphere shaped, I can only see points that are within a straight line based on my height off the surface. Of course, that also goes the other way around. I can see the mountains because they are also raised far off of the surface.
I feel like I could explain it all using math, but they never taught us exactly how to use math for shapes, but I'm sure if I could just do a little work with a smaller scale version, I could at least attempt to work it out. Not exactly something I'm able to do while I'm stuck in bed though. Not to mention I'll have plenty of more important things to do once I've recovered enough to get up and do things again.
Those quiet days take me through the remaining week. When the next Shanaday comes around, I realize that it's already been three weeks since the battle. Which makes it the twenty first of... I have to think for a while to remember that it's Bora, the month of Health. When I realize that, it seems kind of funny and sad at the same time. Definitely not my most healthy month.
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When Shanaday finally rolls around, Emily wakes me up to tell me that we're going back to the doctor. For another checkup, she says. I have to ask her what a checkup is, but when she tells me it's just going back for the doctor to look at my injuries again, it seems really obvious.
I feel dull after sleeping for so long. Still, I try to shake it off and get up. My bones finished healing four or five days ago. I slowly slide out of bed. When I hear gasping, I stop, only halfway standing, and look up drowsily.
It's my first time realizing, but both Francis and Eryk are here? Even John, who helped feed me all week. Right, because he's Eryk's bodyguard.
I shake my head again. I'm still pretty out of it, aren't I? They all look worried. Probably because I was hurt so badly. Still, I push myself up to my feet with some effort. It's kind of hard though, even if my injuries are much better than before, I still ache everywhere and don't have much energy. Even my muscles feel sort of weak after not using them for a while.
But the faces of all the adults seemingly crammed into our small room look like they expect me to collapse at any moment. Wait, they're all in our room? I finally look around better, only now noticing that all of the other girls are still in here too. There are way too many people in here, aren't there?
"Aria, it's good to see you up again. Are you alright?" It's Eve that asks first. I give a nod, though I direct it at everyone.
"Yeah, I'm alright. Just kind of tired."
"Good to hear, but... who are all these people?" She looks somewhere between confused and annoyed. Oh, they're all barging into our room first thing in the morning...
"Ah, I'm really sorry about that," I bow and apologize as soon as I realize that I'm bothering all of my roommates, again. Actually, "I'm also sorry for worrying you this last week. It must have been really scary to look at me, injured like this." I keep my head bowed as I keep apologizing for things as they come to mind.
I feel like I might be overdoing without realizing, so I lower my earth mana a little more, to about ten or fifteen percent. I'm still holding the coins I've been using, so there's no need to worry about going too low.
Besides that, I don't need to worry about running out by converting it back and forth either. I can definitely feel that my mana well has started to refill a lot over these last weeks. It's really hard to get a feel for it though, so my best guess is somewhere between... five percent and twenty percent. Not a very useful estimate, but it's much better than being completely empty like I was before.
"That's nothing to apologize for!" Eve quickly waves her hands. "The one who should apologize is whoever did that to you!" She flinches a little when she mentions that though. "But I guess you don't remember that. Don't worry about it too much, alright?" She smiles apologetically and rubs my head after bringing it up.
"Mm. I'll be fine," I respond quietly. I feel bad lying to everyone, but it's better this way. Just like how I'm hiding my real identity.
"Come on, let's get going," Emily gives me a tug so light, it's like she's worried I'll break. I nod slightly, and start to walk with her. The adults quickly get out of our room so Emily can walk me out.
"Bye everyone, I'll be back later," I give them all a small wave. We all walk down the hall and I'm kind of worried by all of the other kids staring, but at the top of the stairs, my attention is pulled away from them when Francis suddenly picks me up.
"Wha-" I stammer, flailing a little as he holds me in his arms.
"Not about to let you get hurt again falling down the stairs when you're still recovering," he says with a wry grin.
"Good point," I sigh in response. That feels like exactly the sort of thing that would happen to me, so I just rest in his arms for now. We go down to the second floor, then head over to Mister Fredricson's office. Mister Fredricson...
As my thoughts go to him for the first time in the last few weeks, I realize there are all sorts of possible problems ahead. I wonder what he thinks about all of this? Is my claim about not remembering anything good enough? What about my robes? He knows all about them, and everyone should have seen the rail units wearing them. Is there any way I can explain away that connection?
But he hasn't kicked me out already, so he definitely hasn't figured it out. Or maybe he's reserving judgment until later because he's not sure? Besides being a rail unit, the only way I have to try and explain things away is being blessed by Reena. But I don't see how that would connect to having rail unit robes, so even trying to use that wouldn't really help, would it? Could I just... pretend I don't know anything?
No, I already told him that some people gave me the robes. Telling him I don't have any idea who they are would probably just make me sound stupid, or like I'm lying. Probably both.
While my mind frantically begins to spin through how to explain things to Mister Fredricson, we head into his office. Francis is still holding me in his arms. Oddly, it's Eryk who moves forward to speak. Does he know Mister Fredricson?
"Excuse us, Sir, we have come to take Aria for her checkup." He speaks very smoothly, and sounds kind of respectful, unlike a lot of the time I saw him speaking.
"Good, good. I'll leave it to you, Sir." Mister Fredricson replies with a small nod in return. I catch his glance over to me, still held in Francis' arms, but he doesn't say anything. Is he leaving it for later, when there aren't so many people around? It looks like my worries are being put off until later at least, because we end up leaving without any further discussion.
All the children's eyes follow us down the stairs and out the front door. When we finally reach the street, I relax a little. But it doesn't last long, when we immediately attract the attention of everyone in the street. At least it's still early, so there aren't that many people.
But we're really out of place here. Even if you ignore my hair that's still pretty light colored and not tied up so it falls in a huge mass around Francis' arms, Eryk and John are both dressed way too well to belong walking around in this area.
At least I don't need to worry much about Eryk being attacked or robbed or anything. Both Francis and John are armed. The swords hanging at their waists should put off anyone who might want to.
But... why is John carrying Emily? Once I realize that, it doesn't take long to figure out why. They're fast. Really fast. Adult men walk so fast! Even more than when I was walking with the adult age rail units! These three men are walking down through the city with quick strides that I would have to run to match. They must be able to get around the city so much more quickly and easily than we can...
As my thoughts wander, I'm keenly aware that I'm actually awake for the trip this time. Since I was asleep both times before, I didn't get a good look at the clinic. Chisa saw the area we went to from above, so I know it's in the central district, but I didn't get a good look at it for myself, from ground level.
Actually, why did they take me to that particular place? When I ask about it, Eryk says that it's his doctor, and it's down in the central district. Oh, so it's Eryk's doctor? But doesn't that mean it's really expensive?
"U-umm... Going to the doctor is expensive, isn't it? I don't know how to pay you back..."
"No need," he just laughs it off. "I have some things to talk about with you. If you can help me out, I'm sure to make back far more money than the pittance spent to help you."
"Some things to talk about? Like what?" I tilt my head a little. What could I possibly help him with? Maybe it has to do with the things I learned about metals? When she was feeding me, Emily mentioned that she told him the basics of mana types, but not about the metal interactions, so maybe it's something about that?
"I'll talk to you about that later. It's a particularly... delicate matter, so I don't want to discuss it where we may be overheard." Delicate? So is it something I've learned? Or is it something he's involved in? I can see Francis eyeing him warily though.
"Sure, I'll talk with you later, I guess." After thinking for a bit longer, I ask, "So, what have I missed? I remember something about Emily working to help me out, but I didn't really understand."
"W-well, I got a job at a bar," Emily answers, looking away bashfully for some reason.
"You did?" Immediately excited, I say, "Congratulations!" I know that it's supposed to be almost impossible for us orphans to get real jobs, so that's amazing news!
"Thanks." She gives me a forced smile in return though.
"Is there a problem?" My excitement immediately dies down. It feels weird after spending so long in a perpetually happy state. "You weren't forced into it or something, because of me, were you?!"
"No! Of course not!" she denies it outright. "I... found out that I love cooking."
"Umm?" I don't get it.
"Matthew, the barkeeper, offered me a job after I worked there for a week to help care for you." So I guess that's where I was for that first week. "But, well, Eryk pointed out that it pays less than we make hunting."
"Oh..." I didn't know we made that much, that it's actually better than a real job...
"But if I work really hard and learn to cook, I might be able to become a cook when I get older and open my own restaurant or something. I don't know if it's actually possible for me though..." I keep listening as she speaks. Even Eryk is looking at her closely as he walks. "I couldn't really come up with an answer, whether I want to work for years and years toward a goal I don't know if I can reach... But Matthew told me I can worry about that later. I can just keep things like they are for now. I can decide to quit whenever I want if I don't think it'll work out."
"Hmm..." Eryk mutters. Emily looks to him expectantly, so he goes on. "Seems a little... flimsy to me, but to each their own, I guess."
Emily raises an eyebrow. "When did you start your training?" she asks. "Like, were you really training to become the owner of the whole refinery?"
"Of course. I started training at five." He answers as if it's natural.
"Five?!" Emily gasps.
"Uhh, Eryk, I think it's usually different for most other jobs," Francis cuts in with a worried chuckle. "I didn't start my training until I was ten. Most jobs don't start proper apprentice training until kids turn ten."
"Yes," Eryk says, "my situation was somewhat unique, I suppose. Since I inherited the business from my grandfather, he was already quite old and I started training very early." Wow, training that early, and getting a whole business given to you, it feels like higher class people live in an entirely different world...
"Well, like I said," Emily continues after a short pause. "I got a job. I'll be working there three days a week for now. Besides that, what else is there...?" Emily scratches her head, thinking a bit. "Oh, we found out what you told Frank!" she suddenly snaps. The anger in her voice immediately makes me flinch in Francis' arms. "I mean, I get it, but at least tell me! I almost had a heart attack when he suddenly started acting like he knew what was happening!"
"I-I'm really sorry about that..." I look down. I still remember how I kept putting off telling her because it felt awkward, until I ended up never telling her... "But, uhh..." I gulp a little. "Can we talk about that some other time?" From what they've told me, Eryk doesn't know about Reena. I'd rather not tell him if I don't have to... Well, I guess it could be a good excuse to explain my mana.
No, Eryk is way too smart to fall for that like Frank did. And I already told him that my secret would make him hate me. If I tried to play that off as my secret, there's no way he would believe it, since there's no reason getting a blessing from a god should make people hate you. Oh man, I really forced myself into a corner with Eryk while I wasn't able to think straight...
"W-well, I suppose it can wait..." Emily trails off. She probably realized she shouldn't be talking about that here. But the way she got really angry there makes me worry. I didn't give her too much fire mana, did I?
"Hey Emily, have you been managing?" I ask, giving her a knowing look.
"Yeah, I've been getting used to it. Thanks." She looks a way a little and answers quietly.
A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.
"Good," I smile at her. "If you need any adjustments, just let me know." She gives me a small nod in return.
"So... is there anything else I've missed?" I ask, looking around at everyone.
"No particular changes around town, at least not yet," Eryk says with a shrug. Yet? "I heard through some contacts that we won the last battle, so metal prices should drop soon."
"W-" I hardly get a sound out before killing the words on my lips. We won that battle?! There's no way I can ask him about that! Forcing my unwilling mind to change directions, I change my question. "How does winning a battle relate to metal prices?"
Without missing a beat, he explains. "By pushing back Bromunst, we secured the mines near the border."
"Uhh, Bromunst?" I guess those are our enemies? The word sounds uncomfortably similar to Brom's name, but I try to ignore it.
"Bromunst?" Eryk answers, like he doesn't understand the question.
"You don't know about that?" Francis asks, looking bewildered.
"Bromunst is our enemy. They're the ones we're fighting." Emily explains with a meaningful look. When she says that we're fighting them, what she means is that I'm fighting them.
"Oh..."
"You have the strangest gaps in your knowledge," Eryk comments. "Since you didn't receive a proper education..."
"Orphans don't receive any education," Francis reminds him.
"Right," Eryk says with a small nod. "I suppose I should add that to our talks later."
"Talks?" I question.
"There is a lot I wish to speak with you about, but it will be troubling if there are so many things you don't know about. A comprehensive education would fix that. I'll talk to some people I know."
"O-ok..." I can only stammer in response. What does a 'comprehensive education' include exactly?
Once it seems that Eryk is finished, Francis speaks up. "I'd like to talk with you about something too. It's... concerning." He furrows his eyebrows with obvious worry. What is he so worried about?
"What is it?" When he just shakes his head, I know it's not something he can talk about freely. So I just give him a small nod and say, "Ok, later."
I guess that's everything, because no one brings up anything else. The conversation took a while, so we actually end up reaching the clinic a short time later.
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In front of the building, John sets Emily down. I look up at Francis and wiggle a little, but Eryk calls over, "If you walked in on your own, the doctor might faint," with a worried chuckle.
"Ahh..." I just let Francis hand me to Eryk before we go inside. On the other side of the door, the first thing I see is a woman sitting behind a desk. She's pretty, with dark hair and clothes.
"Good morning, Eryk. The doctor is waiting in the back," she says pleasantly, without moving from her seat. She is holding something to write with, and there are pages all over her desk. She smiles at me.
I'm surprised, isn't this a high class place? Is it because Eryk is carrying me? It's nothing like the treatment from the shopkeeper at the glassblower's. I think Kathy was her name, she basically started shouting at me as soon as I walked in... I return a small, nervous smile of my own, before she returns to writing.
Eryk carries me through a door to the left of the woman's desk, into a room that is both familiar looking, and immediately worrying. The sight of the smooth gray stone makes me stiffen up automatically. It reminds me of that place they took us to bathe. Eryk obviously feels me tense up, and looks down at me with a questioning expression. I can't really give any response though...
As I look around a bit more, I try to tell myself that it's more of a gray stone than a white stone, but it's not really helping much. There are counters all along the walls, with numerous cabinets both down near floor level and mounted up higher on the walls. They also look like they're constructed out of some sort of smooth cut stone though. Lots of them have unfamiliar tools on them, and there's a rather large metal thing standing near the far left corner of the room, sitting at an odd, tilted angle.
In the center of the room is a big, flat, stone table, which Eryk is already moving toward. And behind it, sitting in chairs in front of lower counters, or desks I guess, are a man and a woman. They are both turning around as we enter, the woman standing up.
Why is her chest so huge? It's actually startling. It takes me a few moments to pull my eyes away to look at her face. She has blond hair, but it's not bright enough to mark her as a foreigner. It is pretty long though. I wonder if higher class women wear their hair longer? Both her and Kathy had longer hair than most peasants I see around town. Even the woman at the front had hers at shoulder length.
But there's more, right? Yeah, I recognize her, I realize slowly. The doctor... what was her name again? Between the pain, earth mana overload, and everything else happening at the time, I can't quite remember.
"Why hello there," she begins talking to me with a voice so sweet, it immediately makes me even more wary. I shrink back a little as she approaches. "You're looking much better today. How are you feeling?"
"Umm..." I hesitate before answering. Why is she being so nice to me? I vaguely remember her acting super nice last time too. Well, Eryk was nice to me when we met, but not like this...
"Don't worry, little one, I'm here to help." The way she says it reminds me of Marrianne, and I immediately feel myself start to relax a little. "It's good to see you awake. Are you feeling a little better now? Does it hurt anywhere?"
"I'm feeling better," I answer her this time. As Eryk sets me down on the table in the middle of the room, she begins to pet my head gently. That actually feels pretty good... I also notice that the stone table doesn't... actually feel like stone. I don't know what it is. But then she speaks again and draws my attention away.
"I'm going to take a look at your injuries, alright?" I just nod a little. "I just need to get you undressed first..."
"Ok," I respond, and start to sit up.
"Woah!" she gasps and puts her hands on my chest to keep me from moving. "Don't move too much, dear." I can hear her sweet voice straining this time.
Oh, she was just talking like that to comfort me, I realize, feeling kind of guilty for being suspicious now. I hear a small sigh from Eryk. He did just tell me not to scare the doctor, didn't he...? I settle under her hands now, trying to lower my guard.
"Ok," I say quietly.
"Good girl," she continues to smile sweetly while she rubs my head. I let myself rest this time, and actually enjoy it. I obediently lie still while she removes my clothes and bandages, then begins to look over my injuries. I can feel the remaining cuts and scrapes all over my body, but don't know how they look. When I try to look a little, the doctor rubs my head again, but pushes it back down so I can't see anything. I guess I'll just wait then. With that thought, I stare up at the ceiling for a while as she works. She takes note that I look a whole lot better now, speaking in a soft voice.
"So, how do your arms and legs feel?" she asks while giving extremely gentle squeezes up and down one of my legs. I guess she's checking the bones.
"The bones in my arms and legs have healed," I tell her simply.
"O-oh?" she responds, sounding flustered. Broken bones really do take a long time to heal, it's already been three weeks. That's even longer than usual, probably because my body has so many other broken things it's working on healing at the same time. Well, I guess the breaks were a lot worse too, usually I only broke a single bone at a time before, and not in so many places at once...
"My ribs have healed too," I tell her about those too, since she hasn't checked them yet.
"Really...?" She breathes the word under her breath so I barely pick it up. I feel her give slightly stronger squeezes a few times as she checks my bone. It stings where her fingers press on the cuts, but there isn't really anywhere that isn't cut up for her to touch, so I endure it.
Her breath catches as she goes down my leg. Even so, she carefully checks my other leg and both of my arms as well. "You heal really fast." She rubs my head a little more. "And you're so calm," she comments, still smiling. But I see a vague sense of worry flash through her eyes. Then she turns to Eryk and says, "Her bones have healed, so she should start to build up her strength again. She should do a little light activity each day, but she should go back to bed as soon as she starts to get tired."
"Umm..." I try to get her attention, and she turns to me. "I... think I can basically move again," I tell her. I obviously don't feel great, but I know my body well enough that I should be able to more or less function normally now.
The doctor opens her mouth, her firm look making me worry she's going to reprimand me for a moment, before she stops. "What makes you think that?" she asks quietly.
I wonder why she changed her mind? "Well, I'm still pretty tired and don't have much energy, but my bones and muscles have healed, so I should be able to move like usual," I explain the way I think about it.
"I see..." she mutters. "You speak like you know your body well... If you had to rate how you feel, one being the worst, and ten being the best, what would you say?"
"Hmm..." I think about it for a few moments. "Well, physically, it would be an eight... but with how tired I am, probably about five." As I answer, I realize that at some point, she stopped using her sweet voice.
"Eight? In that condition?" she asks. Her eyebrows furrow. "From one to ten, how would you rate your pain right now?"
"Four." I answer, without having to think about it much this time. It hurts all over, but the dull ache is nothing compared to when I was first got hit.
"Only that much?" she asks worriedly. Well, I'm used to being hurt, but I guess I would have rated it higher before what I went through in the battle...
"Well... that's based on how it felt when I first got hurt," I try to explain. "Otherwise, I would probably say six or seven." For some reason, the doctor sighs, holding her head in her hand.
"I didn't want to ask and bring up bad memories, but... you speak like you've been hurt a lot..." she looks me right in the eyes, and asks, "would you tell me about what you've been through?"
I hesitate under her serious gaze. "Umm..." Emily told me I shouldn't mention how I've been hurt before because it's it's too weird. But aren't my current injuries weird too? I don't really know what to do here, so I turn my head to the side, looking at Emily and asking her with my eyes if I should speak or not.
However, she flinches, looking up, instead of at me. When I follow her gaze, I see that the doctor is glaring daggers at Emily for some reason. Why is she so angry? Still not looking at me, Emily takes a step back, shuddering, before she visibly gulps.
"W-well... She's a doctor, so... I guess you c-could tell her..." She mumbles through her answer, though I'm not sure if she's answering that way just because the woman is glaring at her. Her words do make the doctor stop glaring though, replacing it with a confused expression. But if Emily thinks it's alright to tell a doctor, I guess it should be fine?
"Then..." I speak slowly as she turns her attention back to me. I'm still hesitant to speak since Eryk is right here too, but I push down my worries for now and explain.
If she's asking about serious injuries, bruises probably don't count, so I'll skip those. "So, previous injuries... I've had a few dozen broken bones, mostly my arms and legs, but also my ribs sometimes." I was worried about the doctor's reaction, but she just maintains her serious expression, staring me in the eyes. So I go on, "I also suffered from sprains, torn ligaments, organ damage and internal bleeding a lot." I think a bit, but can't really guess at a number of times since those happened infrequently. "I also suffered from head trauma..." I do a bit of quick math. "Probably about... one thousand times. And there was one time I had my skull crushed. Before this, that was the worst injury I ever received. And... I think that's about it." Once I'm finished, the doctor's face still doesn't change.
She looks over at Eryk and asks, "Who was her guardian, again?"
"Fredricson. The orphanage caretaker," he adds the second part with some emphasis.
"Orphanage?" she repeats the word, eyebrows shooting up. "So where did she come from?"
"I don't know," he responds with a shrug while frowning deeply. "She hasn't mentioned it before."
Then the doctor turns back to me. She rubs my head, even more gently than before. When she speaks, she's back to her sweet voice. "Could you tell me about where you lived before?"
I shake my head. "I can't talk about it." That much is obvious. Of course I was ready for her to ask, after telling her all that...
She frowns, her tone becoming more firm. "I don't know if you understand, but bad people put you through a lot of terrible things. Won't you tell me about them so they can be punished?" I guess that is what it would sound like, isn't it? If I was a human child like she thinks, then it would make sense to punish people for hurting me so much...
Still, all I can do is shake my head and say, "I can't talk about it."
"Don't worry, you can tell me. They won't know, they can't hurt you anymore." No, they would definitely know. I'm the only rail unit living outside the program. But that's completely beside the point...
My response is the same. "I can't talk about it."
"You don't have to protect them, you know." Protect them?
"I'm not," I answer, confused. I don't have any reason to protect them, it's not like they're in danger.
"You're not?" she blinks rapidly at my response. "Then why won't you tell me anything?"
"Because I can't talk about it." That's still all I can say. I don't even want to indicate that it relates to my secret, with Eryk here. He's so smart, I have no idea what bits of information could end up tipping him off.
That's when Eryk finally speaks up. "I... don't know if we're going to get anywhere like this, Beth." She turns to glare at him, but he just puts his hands up in surrender. "From what I've heard, there are things she can't talk about under any circumstances. This must be something like that."
"But, someone was torturing this child!" she snaps at him. "How can you just let that go?"
"I can't, but there's nothing we can do about it." His expression is dark. "I think I know her well enough now to say, she will never tell us. Isn't that right, Emily?"
When the conversation suddenly goes her way, Emily jolts, clutching her hands nervously in front of her, but gives a nod anyway. "Aria won't talk about it. Ever."
"What about you? Won't you help your friend?" Beth presses her. I never imagined she would be this persistent...
Emily shakes her head strongly. "I am helping her. I can't tell you, because I know her story." She looks like she's in pain, unable to meet the doctor's eyes. "I'm sorry, but if you don't know, there isn't any way you can understand..."
"I don't see what there is to understand..." Beth sighs, leaning heavily on the side of the table. "No matter how you look at it, it just sounds like a sick fuck torturing a little girl..."
"No, I have a number of possible guesses as to what happened, but I'll keep them to myself," Eryk says, rubbing his chin. What sort of things is he thinking about? "I did promise Aria not to look into her too deeply as a condition for her cooperation..."
"Is that why you're bringing her here?" Beth asks, even more angry, but now indignant as well. "You want this little girl to work for you?!"
"With me," he corrects her. He wants me to work with him? He mentioned that earlier, but he still hasn't explained exactly what he means. "She is incredibly gifted, in numerous ways." I go red and look away when the earnest praise comes out of nowhere.
Beth just stares at him, jaw clenching angrily.
Once the heated conversation has hit a lull, I finally speak up again, hesitantly. "I'm sorry, Miss Beth... I'm really sorry I can't tell you anything," I start by apologizing.
"No no no, honey," she immediately hushes me. "It's not your fault. No matter what happened, it wasn't your fault." No, it definitely was. I always got hurt because I was broken and weak. "No matter what happened in the past, you're here now. You're safe. You understand that, right?" I give her a small nod and smile. She really seems to care. It's surprising. She hardly knows me, but she seems to care so much. It makes my heart ache a little when it reminds me of Marrianne though...
"Thank you. I'm fine now." I try to sound reassuring, but I don't think it works very well.
"Is there anything you would like to tell me?" she asks.
"Uhh, like what?" The question seems really random. What sort of things would I tell her?
"I mean that if there is anything you would like to talk about, anything that's bothering you, or you want to get off your chest, or if you want advice, talk to me. Talking about your troubles helps."
"Huh..." I think for a bit. Is there anything I want to talk about? What sort of advice could she give me? "I think there is something," I say when it comes to mind. "Do you have any advice for what to do about nightmares?" Though I don't know if she can really help. Most people don't seem to take nightmares that seriously for some reason.
"Just night-" she starts to speak, but suddenly cuts short. Then her eyes narrow a little. "What sort of nightmares? How often do you have them?"
"Every night. I see the things that scare me or the bad things that have happened."
"Every night..." she mutters. "Usually the best thing would be to talk about your dreams. Talking about the things that scare you and working through past trauma is usually the best way to overcome things like that. For instance, what is something that scares you?"
"Umm..." I think about it for a bit. Most of my fears revolve around things that happened with the rail units, but there is one that I really do want to overcome. "I'm afraid of water."
"Water?" she tilts her head a little.
"Like the river. Being in water," I elaborate.
"Huh..." she still doesn't seem to quite understand though.
So I go on. Maybe my explanation will help it make sense. "The first time I went to the river, I almost drowned. I got really hurt too and couldn't move for days. Ever since then, going into water gives me flashbacks. It makes me feel like I can't breathe, and I get these uncontrollable seizures." Well, I guess it was the second time, but close enough.
"Oh." I see it sink in. "That's pretty serious..." She takes a step back and thinks about it.
"You said you were accident prone, but I didn't realize it was that bad," Eryk comments from the side.
Then Beth speaks up again. "Sometimes just giving it time is best. Other times, going back to the thing that scares you and experiencing it again, under better circumstances, can help. So you might try going to the river and enjoying yourself while you're there. It might take a while, but something like that should help eventually."
"Having a good experience helps..." Isn't that what I thought back when I took that bath? I was in the water, but it felt so good that it did feel like it was helping, didn't it? So I need to connect good, happy experiences to my old, painful memories? I feel like that might be doable with water, but that method would only help with things that aren't bad. Like, there's no way to make a good memory while being beaten unconscious, is there...? Still, "I'll give that a try. Thank you." I give her a big smile as thanks.
After petting my head happily, she says, "Now, I do have just a few more questions." I give her a small nod. "First, did something happen to your hair?"
"My hair?" I look at the grayish color since it's kind of dirty from sleeping on it for so long. "Oh right." I speak up when I remember what I thought of after talking to Nana. "I found out that it might be because my parents were originally from Shonamakase before they came here."
Without missing a beat, she responds, "But they don't have white hair."
My mouth hangs open for a few long moments, before I say, "Oh." I can't think of what else to say to that. "So... I guess that's not it after all."
"That's strange, I thought you were from Shona," Eryk comments.
"You did?" Beth turns to ask him.
He gives a simple nod. "She bows like they do. And her name." What about my name?
"Oh," The doctor nods too, like that explains things.
"Umm, what about my name?" I ask quietly. I've never had a chance to ask why everyone talks about my name when this comes up. They both look at me, like they don't understand the question. I try turning to Emily for help, but she just shrugs. Let's try this again. "How does my name relate to me being from Shona?" I ask as clearly as I can.
That gets them to respond. "Because it's a name that fits someone from there," Eryk explains. Except that doesn't explain anything. It fits how?
I shake my head. "What does that mean? What makes a name fit exactly?"
"Wait, that's what you don't know?" he asks, like he has no idea how I could not know. But even Emily doesn't know this one! This totally isn't just me! Then he finally clears his throat and explains. "Shonamakase has strict naming requirements that Melphira doesn't. Their names don't string letters together the same way we do. With only a few exceptions, all consonants are paired with a vowel to make syllables, and the number of syllables in a name determines a person's social class."
"I didn't understand half of those words..." I respond flatly.
"I see..." Eryk sighs. "I don't think this is the place to get into that though. I will try to explain things in more detail later." He gestures to Beth, and she clears her throat a little.
"So, nothing to say about your hair... What about your age? Your friend mentioned that you were seven years old, is that right?"
"Yes. I'm really small for my age." I answer, lowering my gaze.
"I don't suppose you know why?" the doctor asks while rubbing my head comfortingly.
"I didn't get any nutrition when I was growing up."
"Ahh, so you do understand..." Then she lifts my chin, her tone brightening. "Don't worry about that, you still have plenty of growing up left to do. You'll get bigger before you know it." I smile, but it hardly feels real. How long do I really have? After that first battle... No, there's no way of guessing how long I may survive, I have to live my life outside the program as if I'll really grow up, or what's the point?
"Still, it's unfortunate she ended up bedridden through most of Bora," Eryk comments with a sigh, and she throws a glare his way so he backs off.
"Don't mind him, you'll be fine," she assures me. "You're healing well, and you seem to be a lot stronger than I expected. Make sure you get a good balance of rest, exercise, and nutritious food, and you'll get better before you know it." Her voice isn't quite like before. Not that forced sweetness that put me on edge at first. Now it's just an earnest, soft and caring tone. It makes me smile, despite the pang of sadness that strikes me.
"Mm," I respond with a small nod.
"Now, let's get you bandaged up again," she says with one last head pat before going over to the cabinets and drawing a number of rolls of bandages out. As soon as I see her approaching with them, I remember what she said earlier. Good memories, good memories, I think. Is there any way I can make this into a good memory?
The bandages seem to be treated with some herbs and things, but none of the previous ones had lele fruit. I silently thank Emily, who probably warned them not to use those. Still, as much as I try, I can't keep my body from recoiling from the bandages. Of course, that just worries her again, but I can only apologize. Once more, I have to turn away and shut my eyes. I can feel her gently wrapping the bandages, carefully encircling each limb. As slow and caring as she is, I still hurt everywhere. How do I make a good memory out of this exactly?
After my arms and legs, she starts wrapping more around my torso too. I push up and arch my back off the table a little so she can get the bandages all the way around. "So helpful, what a good girl," she praises me immediately. That finally gets me to smile a little. She quickly finishes, and I lie flat again. After that, the doctor just puts a sticky bandage on my face. I guess I still have one cut on my right cheek that hasn't healed yet. Still, almost everything from the neck down is completely wrapped in bandages...
Well, now that I've healed everything internally, I feel like the last of the wounds on my skin should finish healing in about one more week, so that's not too bad. Besides, I can move around now, so I can start doing things again.
"All done. Good job, being so patient," the doctor keeps praising me. It feels so weird, having someone keep praising and complimenting me over and over. It feels nice, but I don't really know how to react... Should I thank her, maybe? I keep lying still when she dresses me again, then Eryk picks me up. It feels kind of weird. Even though I said I can move again...
"Umm..." I speak up.
"What is it, dear?"
"Can I, umm, get permission to walk again?" I don't know why, but it feels like everyone follows her instructions for what I should do. No, that's because she's a doctor. She's in charge of getting me to heal, right? So of course she's the one who chooses what I should and shouldn't do.
She thinks about it a little, before answering, "I suppose... Are you sure you can?" I give her a small nod. "Then give it a try." She nods to Eryk, and he sets me down gently. She keeps her arms out at my sides, probably in case I fall. Unlike every time Mister Fredricson dropped me and I collapsed... I shake away that bad memory that surfaces suddenly.
It's not particularly difficult, but I'm more tired than I was earlier, after being awake for a while. I'm still pretty far from good condition.
"Looks like you can stand after all," she gives a happy nod. "Can you take a few steps for me?" I do as she instructs. Again, she keeps her arms at my sides the entire time. From the feeling in my legs, I could probably run a little, but I definitely couldn't fight like this. "Very good, you can already walk so well." I can even hear her smiling behind me, just from her tone, before I turn around again to face her. "Alright. You can walk a little, but only with adult supervision. And you have to tell an adult right away when you get tired, or if it starts to hurt, do you understand?"
"Yes." I nod again.
"Good girl," she pats my head, still crouched down in front of me, then looks up to Eryk. "She should walk a little each day. Nothing too strenuous though. Make sure she keeps getting a lot of rest and nutritious food too. I want to see her again next week."
"Understood," Eryk answers immediately.
We begin to walk through the door, back into the front of the clinic, when Beth says, "Bye bye, Aria," with a big smile.
Something about the way she says it, it sounds kind of silly, but really nice. I like it, so I respond the same way. "Bye bye, Miss Beth." I bow and give her a big smile. She lets out an amused chuckle, which makes me realize it's the first time I've bowed to her. That's definitely not a habit I'll be able to get rid of...
Still, I'm really glad I met such a genuinely nice person. We walk back into the front of the shop, where everyone is waiting on a pair of long, unfamiliar looking wooden things, sort of like chairs. Just the two stretch across the whole wall though, so I guess they're pretty different that just chairs.
Eryk walks over to the lady behind the desk and hands her a stack of five iron coins. Isn't that really expensive? No, he said it wasn't much to him. Even if he said he would pay earlier, it still feels wrong to have him just pay for me like this...
Everyone comes over, crowding around me, so I end up losing sight of him as they all ask how it went. Of course I tell them it's going well, since the doctor even told me I can walk around some now.
It doesn't last long though. As soon as we leave the clinic, the adults pick up Emily and me again. I guess it's just because they can get around so much faster at their pace. Soon, we're making our way back through the city once more.