The three of us sit in for a long time, no sound but the crackle of the fire.
"Dead..." Eryk finally breaks the silence with a quiet word. "How?" As Emily straightens herself up with determination, I feel like I'm staring right through her. He's dead? Gone? I'll never see him again? Ever?
"It sounds like he died to the coughing sickness. He must have gotten sick before he left us." Her eyes fall, staring away from me, into the fire. "He was really old... Going off somewhere alone, it's not that surprising..."
When she says that, it finally hits me. "He died... because he lef-" my voice breaks before I can even get the words out completely. I have to try again. "I could have saved him. I... would have saved him." I would have to, it wouldn't even have been my choice, not to try and heal Mister Fredricson. But he left us. And he died...
After I stare blankly for a while, Eryk leans closer in his chair and gently asks me, "Aria, are you alright?"
I look up at him and answer, "No... I don't think so..." I have a cold knot of terror in my stomach, the realization slowly pressing to the front of my mind. I don't want to recognize it, but I can't look away from it at all.
"What's wrong?" Eryk questions, even as he glances around uncertainly, like he's looking for help, but now it's just him and us. It takes a few tries for me to say it. Even though I'm terrified of putting the feeling into words, I do.
"I..." Gulp. "I don't feel bad..." As soon as I say it, my voice shakes, coming in a whisper. "He's dead. Shouldn't I feel bad about that?"
Eryk opens his mouth, but there's panic in his eyes. Without breaking eye contact, he flails a hand around on top of a nearby table until he finds a little bell and rings it loudly. Then he immediately comes forward, kneeling in front of me as I'm starting to curl up into a ball next to Emily.
"U-uhh..." he stammers, "There are... lots of reasons... you might feel that way..." Where is his usual confidence? Then he looks up toward Irene's approaching footsteps and says, "Run and get Beth, now." As she runs off, he comes forward and suddenly wraps me in a hug. He doesn't say anything, and I don't either. He even pulls in Emily, and we stay like that for a while.
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We're finally pushed out of our silent embrace when the front door opens. "I'll be right back, just stay here," Eryk says, still failing to hide the panic in his voice, before he quickly leaves the room.
Out in the foyer, two or three rooms away, I can still hear their conversation. It reminds me of how much water mana I have. It reminds me that I should feel really sad, really easily.
But I don't.
"Beth, thank goodness."
"What is it?" she sounds really irritated. "I was with my daughter."
"I-I'm sorry, I don't know what to do," he admits. "It's Aria. She- Fredricson is dead."
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There's a gap of silence, then, "Oh."
"She's taking it really badly. I'm sorry, I have no idea how to deal with this. I-I can go help Mia, I just need you to talk to Aria, please."
"Alright Eryk, fine," she huffs. "Just calm down."
"Thank you, Beth. Really." Then they come back in, Beth eyeing me from above carefully.
Eryk kneels down near me again. He reaches inside his jacket and withdraws the manastone. "Aria, can you..." He asks quietly. He looks calm now, but the way he was talking before, I think he's faking it. I just nod and touch it, I already made the mana earlier. The stone takes on a faint yellowish color when I fill it like he needs, and he mutters, "Thanks. I'll be back, just talk to Beth, ok?"
"Ok." He leaves quickly, and Beth waves off Irene, who's standing over by the door, so she leaves the room too.
"Alright Aria." She speaks as she moves to sit right next to me on the couch, a hand stoking the long waves of hair rolling down my back. Her tone is soft and comforting. "Eryk told me what happened. How are you feeling?"
Frowning at the low table in front of the couch, I think I know how to put it into words now. I answer, "I'm fine, that's the problem. I thought I was supposed to feel bad when people died. I always did before."
"O-oh..." From her reaction, is it a problem with me? Then she leans closer and wraps an arm around my shoulder. "It's fine, honey," she suddenly assures me. "Fredricson was a bad man. He was abusive. He hurt you," she coos in my ear. "You don't owe him your feelings, just because he's gone. Does this help? I don't feel bad about it either." My head snaps up when she says that. She doesn't? "If anything, I'm happy. I'm glad to know he can't hurt you anymore." Looking me right in the eye, she smiles faintly, and the knot in my stomach starts to ease.
"Thank you, Miss Beth." My voice trembles quietly, and I lean in to hug her.
"You're welcome."
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The three of us sit for a little while longer, and I start to feel a lot better, before Beth speaks up again. "So, with your guardian gone, does that mean Eryk will have a chance to adopt you again?"
I jolt at the idea, but Emily says, "Uhh, I'm not so sure about that..."
"Why not?" Beth questions, and I stare at Emily, waiting for an answer.
"Well, uhh, that's a kind of long story..." Then she shakes her head and goes on. "Basically, a noble came to the orphanage looking for you. It was the one from that time- the old one. The priest. That was with Mister Fredricson." She speaks a little at a time, adding more bits until I remember who she's talking about.
"Oh, that one." I mutter, and nod to show I know who she's talking about now.
"Yeah. He's been looking for you since yesterday, but you were gone, so everyone said you ran away again. I don't know what he's going to do, but it'll probably be trouble."
"Eryk mentioned that," Beth sighs. "That Fredricson meant to sell you to a noble. Perhaps with him gone, the noble intends to move their plans up?" Then she shrugs and adds, "You'll need to ask Eryk about that though."
"Alright," I mumble, and shift to hug her more. That can come later, I'm just glad that the way I'm feeling isn't bad. After everything Mister Fredricson did to me, it's not bad that I don't miss him.
In a way, it's his own fault. He would have survived if he hadn't abandoned us. His death was a direct result of him mistreating us. It seems... fitting, somehow. And feeling like this is fine.
Drawn against Beth's side, I look to Emily and meet her eyes. She doesn't say anything, but I think we silently agree. She feels the same way. It's... better. Life is better with him gone.
We share a small, nervous smile, just between us.
End of Book Seven.