Out of the church, I turn sort of east, the general direction of the clinic. Maybe talking with Beth will help... For now, I try to keep from crying.

Walking the streets of the southern district, anyone nearby stays far, far away. I can't even bring myself to care about their disgusted looks. After that scene in the church, I get Chisa to check and assure us we aren't being followed.

I tell them what happened. All about how Reena was messing with my soul and wouldn't even admit she did anything wrong. She betrayed me and all of the trust I put in her since she saved me. Why would she do that to me?

"Come on Aria," Emily puts a hand on my shoulder. "She had her reasons, right?"

"She had her reasons? She used dark ma-" Emily claps her hand over my mouth before I can finish. With a small glare, the turns her gaze to Jess, who's looking back and forth between us nervously. Oh. Right. When she takes her hand off again, I repeat myself, less detailed. "She did it in a way I specifically wouldn't be able to sense. The only reason I noticed was because of the damage from yesterday."

"Urgh...." She groans a little. "But... but she must have had a reason she couldn't let you know she was doing it, right? Why would she hide it from you?"

"I don't know!" I curl my arms around myself, huddling down a little. "Why are you defending her?"

Her hands go up in surrender. "I'm not! It's just... well..." Her voice drops, just above a whisper as she looks away. "I've been on the receiving end before."

My eyes go wide. "That was not the same! I asked first! You gave consent!"

"Uhh, guys?" Jess calls, turning our attention to the staring crowd of rich people on the street around us. Seeing them all, we hurry off onto another road.

"Wait, Aria, what are you talking about?" Emily asks once we're in the clear, much more quiet now.

"When I asked to look in your well, you said yes. And all I did was look. I didn't mess with it."

"Wait, no, that's not what I'm talking about," she waves her hands quickly. "I was talking about when you promised to tell me your secret."

"Huh?" How does that relate to what we were talking about?

"What I'm saying is, you had all these things you couldn't tell me about. Every other day, we'd bump into secret this, secret that. There was no way you could tell me what was going on, I just had to trust you. Isn't that just like you and Reena?"

"That's... no..." I shake my head feebly. All the emotions and ensuing pain have pushed my headache to the point where it's hard to really think. "It's different..." I shrink down a little more, and Emily finally hugs me.

"Come on Aria, she must have her reasons, right? She said she was bending the rules for you, didn't she?"

"She..." I mutter. It feels like my brain is on fire, the nausea steadily creeping up with it. I've never felt like this from normal physical pain, how am I supposed to think like this? "Reena..." I grab my pounding head, wishing this formless ache would go away, but it's my own fault. All I can do is wait for it to heal. Endure it until then. "Even if she has her reasons, she should have told me before she did something like that. I mean, I trusted her," I mumble, "I would have agreed if she'd just asked..."

Emily ends up rubbing my head as we walk. We don't go all that far before Jess speaks up.

"So... where are we going anyway?"

Me and Emily look at her, then each other, realizing together that we never actually explained.

"Oh, I have a doctor's appointment. I'm supposed to go there on Shanadays for... uhh... counseling..." I mutter, embarrassed when I realize I'm admitting this to Jess all of a sudden.

She blinks a few times. "Alright wait, doctor? How do you have the money for that?"

"I'm... not really sure," I admit. "I think it's free, she hasn't been charging me..." Saying it out loud just makes me feel guilty about it though...

"Ok..." she says skeptically, "so what is counseling?"

"I basically talk about my problems with her. It's supposed to help with... things..." Jess clearly has no idea how to respond to that. She just stares for a bit.

Eventually, she does manage to work up a response. "You know what? Just looking at the stuff you go through with your goddess, I can see it."

"...Thanks?" I answer, half sarcastically.

Jess shakes her head a little. "So why am I coming along anyway?"

"Uhh, I'm not sure." I realize aloud. "I just wanted to let you know about everything with Reena, and I was walking this way next. I... didn't mean to drag you along or anything, you don't have to come if you don't want to." Now I feel even more embarrassed, bringing her by accident.

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

She lets out a long breath. "Well..." After taking some time to think, she gives a small shake of her head. "Thanks for telling me about everything with Reena, but I don't want to mess with this doctor or anything. I'm just going to head back. Alright?"

"Yeah, sure," I agree immediately. Emily gives her a small nod as well. With a wave, Jess takes off, leaving just the two of us to move on alone. We don't say anything. My rocky mood alone is enough to grate at my insides the whole way, not allowing a moment for my throbbing head or churning stomach to ease up. Maybe if I could get my thoughts and feelings back under control, but that is not happening now, not after that fight.

----------------------------------------

We finally reach the clinic and head inside. But this time, there's already someone there, and Nina asks us to sit and wait. On the long wooden seat, I mumble a question to Emily that I've been wondering about for... longer than I want to admit to her. She explains that the wooden seat is called a bench, and thankfully, doesn't bring it up again.

It's not much longer before a man comes out of the doctor's office. He throws a glance our way before going to the counter. Nina gives him a price, and while he's digging into his coin purse, he speaks up. "Excuse me miss, you have trash in your establishment."

There is a moment of silence after he says this, my heart sinking. We should have waited outside. Anywhere but here. I watch as Nina glances in our direction, expression unreadable.

Then she responds. "Pardon me, sir, but our establishment does charity work for the poor. This is especially important after incidents like the other day."

The man hesitates, face flushing slightly before he clears his throat, his next words coming out in a fast mumble. "I-I see. Commendable, good to see places like yours working toward a noble cause." He slides his payment across the counter.

"Thank you, have a nice day, sir." Nina says pleasantly as he turns and hustles out of the clinic. "Scumbag." She adds to the closed door, in the exact same polite tone.

After a moment, she turns to us. I look up at her, still embarrassed after the man's comments. "Thank you," I say quietly. She actually stuck up for us, to a paying customer...

Nina shrugs, just a faint flutter of her shoulders as she sits behind her desk. "I don't know much about you myself, but Beth loves you. That's enough for me." She gestures with a hand and says, "Go on in."

"Thanks again," I give a small bow before heading through the door into the back, Emily at my side.

It looks like Beth just sat down, still looking at the door when we enter. When she sees me, she stands back up. "Aria, how are you feeling today?" she asks, even as she looks at my face and her eyebrows draw together with worry.

I shake my head a little. "I feel terrible."

Her tone softens. "Would you like to talk about it?" I nod. Now that I'm out of the street and away from the nasty, watching gazes of the rich people in the district, my control is slipping and I'm starting to tear up. "Dear, could you wait for a bit?" she directs her question at Taylor, and he leaves the room. She pulls me over into a chair and I hug Emily to my side like last time.

With hardly a bit of urging, I tell her everything. I sit and cry into Emily's shirt and tell her all about how Reena gave me that vision when she marked me. How sincere she seemed. How she saved me from Mister Fredricson's beatings. She was so nice and kind and gentle and made me believe that she actually cared about me. That she wasn't just worming her way into my heart to use me, to take advantage of me. Make me into her tool. A thing to be used for her secret plans.

As I keep speaking, the pain turns to bitterness. She never really believed in me. Never really told me anything. Didn't teach me, didn't guide me, didn't let me in. Always kept at arms length because things were secret or she wasn't allowed to say, or it wasn't for mortals to know.

"What did she really ever tell me? Directly?" I growl. "How to channel her mark, that's it! I had to ask Jess about everything else!" Emily frowns at me a little, but doesn't say what she's thinking. I turn aside and pout. "Fine, that's not fair, it's my own fault for not understanding authority... But everything else was buried in secrecy, misdirection, and cryptic shit!"

"Aria, language," Beth scolds me gently. It makes my heart sink, and I shrink a little more in my chair. It takes a moment to force down another small heave of nausea.

"I'm sorry, Miss Beth..." I apologize, and she waves a hand for me to continue. I get into what happened. How she betrayed me. The fear of unknown, unwanted changes to my soul. The violation at her doing it all without warning, secretly, hiding it from me. If she cared, if it was for me, why hide it? I have to keep to safe words, not mentioning mana specifically, but that hardly matters. Despite her efforts to keep her expression passive as she listens, Beth is clearly halfway between lost and shocked.

By the time I'm done speaking, my emotions are as raw as the invisible ache inside me, I feel like I'm going to be sick. My head is going to turn inside out. I mention that too. The endless pain, how it's new. Indescribable except by bad, inaccurate references to physical pains. Different from what I'm used to. Impossible to endure. How it just hurts worse the more I do, think, or feel.

Beth rubs my head gently when I finally finish, a total wreck with eyes red and sore from sobbing. There isn't much for her to say. "I'm sorry Aria, I'm not exactly fit to help with this one. There isn't much advice I can give when it comes to dealing with a god, and there's no medicine for this... ache," she admits with a sad, apologetic frown.

"No, it's fine. Just... thanks for listening..." I mutter.

"Feel any better?" she asks hopefully.

I look down, unable to meet her eyes when I say, "A little." I don't want Beth to think this was a waste of her time. Then she catches my chin with a finger and gets me to look back up at her.

"You don't have to lie for my sake." Of course she saw through me, I'm a terrible liar... "Things might not always feel better right away. Please, always tell me how you really feel, alright? Please."

A few tears leak from my eyes. I nod. "I don't feel any better," I admit. "Thinking about it just makes everything hurt."

"That's fine, honey," she assures me softly, continuing to rub my head. "You should get some rest. Think about things when you feel better."

"Nn." I nod slightly.

With a small pat, Beth sends me off. Emily thanks her on the way out, then I bow to Taylor and Nina before leaving. I start to walk, but everything hurts too much, and Emily winds up carrying me most of the way home.

At least we make it home before my stomach gets the better of me and I throw up in the alley next to the house, before heading up to bed to sleep through agonizing nightmares that only send me into further fits of headaches and nausea. I puke again before dinner, eventually giving up on sleep entirely. I spend most of the night totally zoned out meditating, since that is the only thing that provides any relief. It doesn't really replace sleep, but at least it's not as bad as just staying awake the whole time.