It doesn't take long to find a little area with some brush nearby. I leave the pair of tamarans on the ground and take my position up in a tree above. I try to calm myself. I keep taking deep breaths, trying to recover. I need to be ready to kill the small animals. Like before. It still makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it, but I need to do this.

I close my eyes for a few moments. I know the hobins aren't going to come that quickly, I was sitting for a little while before they showed up the last time. I focus on my mana while I wait. My breathing finally comes back under control, but I'm still really sweaty and thirsty from all that running. I continue to convert earth mana while waiting to keep myself occupied, and my mind begins to wander as I finish, leaving just a tiny bit.

Actually, an idle thought pops up. I still need to practice more with my mana. There were a number of potentially dangerous things I did before, it would be nice to test them on things that I don't care about, and even intend to kill... Namely, the effect of mana on other living things. I tried not to push my mana into anyone, but still got some in Aiden when he was helping me. And found that I could actually pull some out of Aiden. But Aiden collapsed immediately, until I put it back. It makes it seem like messing with mana could be really dangerous.

So what happens if I try that on one of the hobins? Will it die? I mean, I'm going to kill it anyway. It seems like having it pass out and die would be a lot less awful and painful than breaking its neck like I did before. Not to mention, with so little earth mana, those nightmares are starting to come back to mind in a really bad way just thinking about them. Maybe I should have left more earth mana? Even if it's making me artificially happy, happy is good, right?

I shake my head to clear my rambling thoughts. This will be my safest opportunity to test what my mana can do to other living things. If anything goes wrong... well, I'm already going to kill the hobins anyway. I wait a little while longer until inevitably, one appears. I take a few breaths as I watch it approach. The first thing I'll do is attempt to pull the mana out of it since I've at least done that before. If it faints, or dies, or something, well, I can figure it out from there as soon as it's unconscious. If not, I just break its neck like before. I release a breath, watch the hobin pick up a tamaran, then drop from the tree.

I fall silently, just like before, pinning it in one move. It immediately starts to struggle, but I just keep it pressed to the ground where it can't move or bite me. Then I start to pull, hard.

It stops moving. Actually, it was easier than I expected. Maybe because I was so nervous, but it seems like I managed to pull the mana out of the hobin pretty quickly. I carefully poke at the new mana. It's colorless, just like Aiden's was, but the feel of it is clearly different than my own. I push in, separating one part of it from the rest. I mix in the bit of mana, converting it just like I've been doing all along. It's way easier than earth mana. It seems to convert the moment it's surrounded by mine.

Huh, it feels... too easy, or something. I look down at the unmoving hobin. I don't know if it will die or just remain unconscious for a while. Before that, I want to put the rest of its mana back in, to make sure losing even a little bit of it isn't harmful. So I push it back in and it snaps back to life just like it was before, struggling in my grasp like I never even knocked it out. I pull the mana out again.

"Well that's a relief," I say to myself. If I ever accidentally pull mana out of someone again, at least I know it won't be catastrophic if I lose a bit of it. I can feel its heartbeat slowing under my hands. I don't know if it will just stay unconscious for a while or if it'll actually die. "Next is putting in mana..." I gulp. At least I had some idea what the last one did, this is a complete mystery to me. I push some of my mana into the hobin. It opens its eyes, but doesn't struggle in my grip this time. It just lies there. I... don't know what to do now. The hobin's heart rate continues to slow until it reaches an even rhythm. It seems... calm? I gulp, then quickly back off. It stands, looks around for a bit, then goes to pick up the tamaran like before. Before it runs off, I press it to the ground again.

But it just... doesn't fight me. Like it's comfortable with my presence? I pull my mana back out and it goes limp again. "I have no idea what that was..." I mutter. Maybe instead of just pushing some mana in, I wonder if I can push it in so I can still control it? I try to imagine using it like an arm, reaching in the dark to explore inside. I close my eyes and try to control some of my mana, keeping it together as I push through the barrier that stands between myself and the hobin. Somehow, I'm not surprised when I can go right through.

The moment my mana passes through, it's much harder to control. It wobbles all over as I clumsily command it from a distance. Just holding it into the hobin is kind of difficult. Slowly, carefully, I tweak the wobbly arm around. It's the best I can do at this point. It's different from the space inside of myself that I'm used to moving my mana around inside. The hobin feels really small, like I can feel all the sides of a vessel at once. Unlike last time, the hobin does not wake up as I am actively in control of the mana.

Hmm... I wonder what it would do if I gave it some? While just barely keeping the controlled mana from falling apart with most of my attention, I nudge just a little bit into the hobin uncontrolled. To the best of my ability, I follow the little bit of mana. In just a moment, it moves down into the center of the hobin, to a point where it spreads and disperses throughout. Even just that tiny bit is enough to stretch through the whole hobin. Very thinly, but it's enough. It opens its eyes again, not fighting again like last time.

So it's like... it can use my mana in place of its own without issue, but... it kind of isn't afraid of me if it's using my mana? I try to reach out to that point at its center, eventually managing to wobble my mana over to it. There's a well here too? I can only sort of fumble around it, but it feels like the well I have inside me. I try to brace my mana against it, stabilizing it a bit. I wasn't able to look below the surface of the well inside myself, and I'm basically groping blindly at a distance at this one, but let's see if I can reach the bottom. It shouldn't be that deep since the hobin is so small, right? Does it work like that?

While trying to brace my mana against the well to keep it at least a little stable, I tentatively reach down inside. At the surface, I can feel mana. It's actually like the hobin's original mana. I slowly try to reach beneath the surface, but immediately feel hobin's mana begin... kind of dissolving mine? I reach below the surface anyway, but hit the bottom. The hobin's mana is just this tiny bit? If it's this shallow... I feel all along the edges, then try the center. Yeah, this is a really tiny well. I wonder how deep mine is? It feels a lot deeper than this at least.

I draw my mana back out of the well so it stops dissolving away, no need to waste it. I can't think of any tests right now, so I pull all the mana back out and the hobin collapses again. I feel like I have more questions than answers from this though. If the hobin has its own bit of mana, why is it fine using mine? Even when the mana it's using doesn't match the mana in its own well, which somehow seems more... uhh, important somehow? Even when they don't match, it doesn't appear to be a problem at all. At this point, it feels like I'm just delaying killing it, but...

I shake my head. Let's just go and really try something. I reach inside again, fumbling to catch onto the well once more. Then I take my mana and just dump it into the well to see what happens. At first it starts dissolving away again, but I have so much more than the hobin does that it only takes a moment before the well overflows.

Then there's a... shift.

I feel a change. Is it... a change in me? Or the hobin? Both?

I feel like the hobin. What does that even mean?

Am I a hobin?

"No, I'm me," I comment, pressing my hands to my chest.

Then what is a hobin?

It stands and we both look at each other.

I can feel it. And me. And see it.

And me.

I still feel its mana... my mana. I shift it inside. I can control it like normal, inside my own body. But it's not my body. It's the hobins'.

But it's still mine.

The hobin blinks at me. It's hungry. Then it turns and takes one of the tamarans, and walks off.

"What did I just do?" I ask no one. I can still feel the hobin's presence even as it moves away in the forest.

Pushing through brush, the dirt shifting beneath its little clawed hands and feet. The green scents tickling its nose, high pitched cries of information from off in the distance.

I shake my head. Ok, I've learned way, way, way more than I'm really comfortable knowing for now.

Or maybe ever.

I need to kill some hobins and make some money. Just the thought of killing them makes me twitch a little now that... that happened.

I shake my head again, more violently this time, trying to shake away those thoughts. This is not what I need to be thinking about now. I climb back into a tree to wait. I'm not sure how much time I have. I try getting a look at the sky from my spot in the tree, it looks like the sun will start going down before too long. Maybe two bells left? Will I have enough time to catch a couple hobins? Since it'll take most of a bell to get back home, I don't know. Not to mention I need to sell one before heading back. Otherwise, if I only catch one I can get it cut in half at the market probably...

I find my mind drawn away from my plans, to the hobin off in the forest while I wait. I can even tell what it's seeing. It's back in its burrow before long, a number of other hobins packed in close. It cuts open its tamaran, dumping chunks of fruit all over the floor where all the hobins gather, picking them up and nibbling on them. I can feel it bite into the fruit. The acidic taste, both familiar and somehow unsettlingly different when coming from the animal's tongue instead of my own. It's too hard though, harder than its supposed to be. That's because it's not ripe yet. I roll my eyes at the small animal.

...

I think... it... it understands me? Just the thought makes me shiver. Even so, they all eat the fruit quickly. Then they lie down to sleep since they've eaten. Normally they would start heading out more now that it's getting darker and it's a safer time to search for fallen fruit, but they've filled their bellies for the day.

Why do I know that? Why do I need to know that? I shake my head again. I do not need to be following the daily life of a forest animal right now. At least I learned that they normally come out more around dusk. So it probably shouldn't take as long to catch more now. The information proves true when another hobin shows up before long. I drop down on it, pulling out its mana easily. Once it is unconscious, I bring it with me back up into my spot in a tree. I observe the hobin while I wait. A quick check tells me it's just like the first one. Small, shallow well of mana like the other. What I don't know is if the hobin will die eventually or not. For now I can wait and see while I watch for another hobin.

The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

It's not too long of a wait. I snatch the other one the same way. I take the hobins down to the ground. I have the two I need.

I gulp nervously.

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I have both hobins unconscious on the ground in front of me. I have to dress them so I can sell them.

So, I take the second one I caught. With a good squeeze, its neck breaks. I feel its heartbeat fade quickly. There, that wasn't so bad the second time. It still makes me a bit sick, but it's not as bad as before. I keep my breathing steady and continue. I don't have a knife, so I should try using its claws. I go for the back claws since they look the most like blades.

After some fighting with the foot, it breaks. I manage to rip one of the claws off with an unnaturally loud crack. My hands tremble as the bloody claw rests in my palm, bits of fur from the hobin's foot coming away with it.

I shake my head fiercely. Focus. Keep breathing. The forest air is tinged with blood. I mimic what I saw Jack do the other day, cutting down the front. With effort, the claw pushes through its chest. The blood comes out immediately, staining my hands and my head spins. The smell grows. I continue to cut down, opening its front.

The claw leaves much to be desired.

With my hands shaking, I have to apply a lot of force and it feels like it tears the hide more than it really cuts through it, splattering the blood at me as I awkwardly fight to cut down. The front opens up, pieces of flesh and fur torn apart.

Keep breathing.

I reach inside, the warmth of its body surrounding my shaking hands as I scoop out the soft, squishy organs from inside. I work to remove them until it's hollow inside, except for the meat and the gushing red blood. By the time I'm finished, I have a somewhat mangled hobin corpse and I'm dark red up to my elbows.

Breathe. I keep telling myself to breathe.

It isn't pretty, but I got it done.

I dressed a kill.

I put a trembling hand on the other hobin. Its heart is remaining at a slow, steady beat. So it'll probably be unconscious for quite some time, before either dying or waking up... I don't have enough time today to find out which. I take a few more deep breaths, but all I smell is blood. Pushing through, I break its neck and dress it like the other, shaking and breathing my way through.

I make sure to bury the guts like Jack said, I really don't want to draw large predators while I'm doing this. I don't even know what might come out. I should probably learn more about animals.

Yeah, animals are nice. They have soft fur and they look cute standing on their back legs and their blood is really dark red.

I sway, up to my feet. I think I forgot to keep breathing for a bit there.

Throwing the two badly butchered corpses over my shoulder as they continue to bleed out on me, I stagger a few steps before my legs stop trembling too much to move right. Then I quickly head back toward the city. All I can do with my stained hands is try wiping them off on my robe to get the worst of the blood and gore off.

As I walk, I shakily drop the tamaran near the other hobin burrow as I go.

An apology.

I also tug... Maven. I'll call him Maven, I decide. I try to tug Maven out of the burrow as I keep moving. He grabs the tamaran and brings it back home with him. This one also isn't ripe yet, so they let it sit instead of eating it immediately.

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When it feels like I can think straight, I start jogging so I can get to the city sooner. It's a bit hard through the brush, and I continue to get caught up by branches since I haven't tied my hair up, but it gets easier as I move out of the deeper areas of the forest. I finally get out of the forest, taking the road the last bit of the way back to the gate. "Out a bit late, are we?" the guard asks. He's looking me up and down, but doesn't say anything. I nod breathlessly.

"What time is it?"

"Ele-" just as he begins speaking, the bells chime. "Eleventh bell. Should probably get home before dark little one," he says.

"Yeah," I nod. "I should be able to sell these in the market, right?" I ask.

"Yeah, but you'll want to be quick."

"Thank you very much." I've sort of regained my breath while speaking to the guard, so I start jogging toward the market. At least it's on the way home. I reach the central market and look around. Where do I sell these exactly...?

"Umm, excuse me," I ask a shopkeeper selling fruit. "Where would I be able to sell a hobin?" I ask while turning to show the small creatures on my shoulder. And... carefully keeping my own eyes off of them.

"My my, how impressive, caught a hobin all on your own?" the woman laughs and pats me on the head. It makes my shoulders tremble a little. "You should be able to sell it right over there." She points out a stall further into the middle of the market.

"Thanks a lot," I force a smile and go to the stall she mentioned. It's not as difficult at this time of day since a lot of people have already gone home, but the stall is pretty deep into the middle of the market, so the people are kind of packed together. I try not to bump into anyone with the bloody hobin corpses on my shoulder.

"Hello sir, I would like to sell a hobin," I say to the tall man behind the counter when I arrive at the stall.

"Let's see 'er," he puts out a hand and I pass him the one on top. He eyes it for a few moments, grimacing. Then he looks back down at, eyes trailing over my bloodstained body. He shrugs for some reason. "Pelt's really messed up, but I can still give ya something for it. Meat and bones aren't too bad. He hands me a copper coin. I blink a couple times.

"This much?" I ask. One hundred barr for a mangled hobin corpse? That's almost double what I made in my first two weeks gathering in the forest. Well, Emily made more like five hundred barr in a week, so maybe that's a better comparison... "Thank you very much," I bow to the merchant, then turn to go.

"Wait, little one. What about the other?" he asks, sounding puzzled.

"Oh, I need to take this one back with me."

"Ah, got it, got it," he nods a couple times. I'm not really sure what he seems to understand, but thank him again anyway before I start to head home. I probably have just enough time to make it back before the twelfth bell, so I get running again. It's a long run, and I have to go fast because it's after the eleventh bell, but I make it. Just, just barely getting to the door as the bells chime.

Panting on the doorstep, children mill about inside. I'm still dripping blood, so I ask a kid near the door if they can get Mister Fredricson. When he comes back and sees me covered in blood, the first words out of his mouth are, "It's been one day!"

"Wait wait wait!" I flail my arms as I try to explain. "I caught two hobins, this one is for the orphanage!" I hold it out quickly so he can see.

"Then where's the other?" he asks with narrowed eyes.

"I sold it at the market for one copper," I hold out the coin to show him. His eyes narrow a little more, then he snatches the hobin from my hand and looks at it.

"I see why it was only worth a copper, look at this thing..." He looks back at me. "What, did you take them apart with your bare hands?" Like everyone else, his eyes travel up and down my bloody body as he says it.

"I don't have a knife, so I used one of the hobin's claws," I explain, forcing my voice to stay steady while the scene replays again. I suppress my shudder, but it reminds me that I forgot something. "Oh, that's right," I also hand him the claw I took off since it's part of the hobin I owe to the orphanage. Mister Fredricson just sighs and rubs his head.

"You, go get her a bucket from the storage room," he commands someone. "Wash that blood off before you come inside."

"Yes, sir." A kid comes back with a bucket not too long later. I walk over to the well. I guess I'm sort of excused from the normal curfew since I already spoke to Mister Fredricson? I get someone to help me tie the bucket off again, then draw the water myself. While I'm working on washing the blood out of my robe, Emily shows up. "Emily?" I ask when I see her.

"So that's where you are, Mister Fredricson said you were outside washing off. What happened?" As she speaks, I see her eyes go up and down my body, but it's different from the others. She has a strange look on her face. Is she worried about my injuries? She doesn't exactly look worried though...

I ignore it for now, and explain, "I caught some hobins, so I need to wash the blood out."

"But weren't you going to the blacksmith today?" she tilts her head in confusion.

"I did," I start to explain while washing. "He didn't know much, but he told me to go to the refinery. So I went there, but they didn't know either. So I found out how much money I need to buy the metals so I can study them myself."

"Ahh, I get it," Emily comments.

"Now I'm trying to make enough before church on Shanaday so I can get the metals before I talk to Reena again."

"Talk?" she snickers when she hears the way I refer to praying to the gods. "So that's what you're up to," she nods to herself. "Hobins are worth a lot, so you should be able to make money faster," she concludes. "But how did you catch them? They're so small and fast."

"I just baited them. They search for fruit left on the ground, mostly in dark places, and like to stay in the comfortable shade and brush near their burrows until they go to search. Then they move in an outward spiral pattern, while alerting each other to the presence of predators with high pitched squeaks." I let out the information I can get from Maven on their behavior. "Spiral patterns? That's pretty efficient, isn't it...?" I mutter.

"Ummm...." Emily looks somewhere between shocked, confused, and worried I've gone crazy. "Are you ok...?"

"Sorry, sorry. I was messing with the hobins today and learned... some uhh, stuff about them..."

What their insides feel like.

Literally.

And not so literally.

That doesn't really make her look less worried.

"You can uhh, tell me later I guess? They're serving dinner soon, think you're about done?"

"Yeah, just..." I wring out my robe one more time, "about done..." I give it a few hard shakes to get more water out, then wring it again. It's still pretty damp, but I don't think it's dripping at least. "That should do it." When I move to dump the bucket out near the building, Emily stops me and points out that I'm still covered in blood, and briefly helps me wash it off of my face, arms, and out of my hair. Then I put my damp clothes back on so we can head inside.

I quickly drop my stuff in my room and return the basket to Mister Fredricson, then get to the dinner table. It's not too long after they served the food, so we dig in. I can immediately taste that meat was used in tonight's dinner, and smile. "So you... studied some hobins today? What does that mean exactly?" Emily asks.

"I can't really talk about it here," I say to let her know it has to do with my mana. "Actually... I was thinking about maybe asking for a favor, you have a knife, right?"

"Yeah..." Then her eyes narrow. "No way! I'm not lending you a knife, they're dangerous!" She doesn't even need to say, given the fresh wounds all over my body, she's more worried about me hurting myself with it than anything else.

"No no, I don't want to borrow your knife." I wave my hands as I try to correct her. "I guess it would be better to say I want to borrow... you?" She raises an eyebrow, so I explain. "I kind of wrecked the hobins I caught trying to cut them open without a knife." I have to stop to shake away the brief flashes of their bloody corpses from my mind. "So I was thinking, you could come with me tomorrow and help me with them. We can split what we collect, and I can tell you about what I found out. Somewhere, uhh, more private."

She thinks about it for a bit. "Well, I guess it couldn't hurt, right?" she shrugs. I don't exactly understand what she means. "I'll go with you tomorrow."

"Thanks a lot." We finish dinner and head up to bed without much more discussion tonight. I'm really tired from running all over the place today.

And... everything else...

I sleep with Emily again, and it's a good thing. I don't have enough earth mana left to ignore the terror of my dreams anymore. Maybe I should have left more of it after all. I cling tight to her all night to keep myself focused and barely manage to resist my fear through the night.