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Dark Skies
Chapter 187: Afraid

Chapter 187: Afraid

"Hi... Miss Nina..." I mumble.

"Good to see you, Aria," she greets me from behind her desk. "You look like you've had a rough day. Just wait for a bit, Beth should be free soon." I nod stiffly and go sit on the bench to one side of the room to wait.

I keep having to wipe at my eyes, my heart pounding faster and faster in my chest as I wait.

I'm so paralyzed with panic and anxiety, that I miss the first time Nina calls my name, and jolt in my seat when she calls again, louder. My thoughts lurch as I stand, realizing that I was staring off, right through the last person leaving.

"Go on in," she says, and waves me to the door.

"Th-thanks..."

Hands clenched into fists, I head into Beth's office.

"Oh, Aria! What's wrong?" That's the first thing she says when she sees me.

"I..." I'm already starting to tear up. I don't even know how to put any of it into words. "I'm sorry, I'm kind of a mess right now..."

"Aww, sweetie, it's fine," she comes over and pulls me with her, sending Taylor from the room with a look. She tries to sit me down, but I stop. "M-Miss Beth, I... There's something I want to tell you, but... We need to be alone."

It takes her a moment, but I see when she gets it. "Aria..." She pauses, then, "Isn't this fine? We always talk here."

I shake my head. "Somewhere with no people." There's no way I can risk someone like Taylor walking in on this conversation. "Alright," Beth answers, no hesitation. "I... Yes, I think I know a spot. Come." She brings us into the front, and looks back and forth between Nina and Taylor. "I have... a little something to discuss with Aria. It could take some time, I'll be back in a while."

"Alright, I'll let anyone who comes by know," Nina says, and Taylor just gives a small shrug, then we head out.

I don't know where we're going, but I can't even care about that now. I just follow along and focus on making myself continue breathing. Before I know it, we reach a little grassy field, tucked between the larger houses in the central or southern district. It's an open space where we could sit and talk, but there are already a few families sitting around, young children running and playing.

"Well, this is no good..." Beth mutters, thinking. "Ok, I have another place in mind." She waves, and I keep following. I keep breathing in and out, but it feels like my heart is going to explode if this goes on too much longer. Then we come out on a large street, with lots of people and large carts rolling past.

Where are we? That thought finally helps push away my ongoing panic, and I realize we're on Castle Street, all the way on the east end of town. Beth leads me out through the southeast gate. The path and the few travelers on it quickly curve off to the south, but we keep walking east, out into the big, empty fields that stretch between town and the river, running along pretty far to the east here.

The grass is kind of tall, up around my knees, but it's no big deal for Beth as she leads me off away from all the people and commotion of town. Eventually, she stops and looks back. The road is far off in the distance, but there's no one anywhere nearby to see or hear. Just like I asked, we're alone.

Folding up her muted green dress beneath her, she sits in the grass, and I sit down with her. Facing each other, I wipe my sweaty hands on my skirt. It's... really time...

How am I even supposed to start?

Beth lets me sit quietly for a bit, but I don't think I'm making any progress. I don't know how to actually begin. It's not like I can just suddenly blurt it out! She must pick up on that, because she finally speaks.

"So, Aria, it looks like you've had a rough time the last couple days. Would you like to talk about it?" I nod a few times at her prompting, and finally manage to push some words out.

"Y-yes, yeah... I do... There's uhh, a lot. I keep thinking about everything, and..." my voice catches. I have to swallow and take a few breaths. "I talked to Reena."

"Oh?"

"A-about stuff. My past, and all the things I've been trying not to face. I couldn't stop thinking about it after we talked on Shanaday." I have to stop to wipe my eyes again. Beth quietly rubs my head. "C-can I, umm... have Reena here for this?" I ask. If this goes bad, I'm going to completely fall apart again...

Beth looks surprised for a moment, but then she agrees anyway. "Yes, of course. Whatever you need, Aria."

I swallow hard and channel my mark. Reena doesn't say anything, but I can feel her, wrapping me in an invisible hug from behind, giving me a tiny bit more courage. Beth looks on with wide eyes, her hand moving down to my cheek, fingers brushing over the big red section of my mark just like how Marrianne did when I first showed her.

I can feel Reena reach out to her, then her words come, clearly meant for both of us to hear. "Hello, Beth."

Beth shudders, then responds, "It's nice to meet you, Goddess Reena."

With that done, Reena retreats back to me. I gulp, and take a few more breaths.

Surprisingly, it's Beth who speaks first. "Hey, Aria?" she asks in an odd, distant tone, and I find her staring at my face. Not like, looking me in the eye, just staring at my face. It makes me nervous

"Y-yeah...?"

"I thought about a lot of the things you told me the other day, and I started thinking... Well, there were so many things that didn't make sense, that I just couldn't reconcile, but looking at you now... Aria, you mentioned people hating your kind, and that didn't make any sense, no matter how much I thought about it. But maybe I wasn't thinking about it right..."

With a nervous smile trying to cover the panic in her eyes, Beth says, "I know it sounds crazy, but I've heard so many crazy things from you now, that maybe I'm right." She hesitates, her next words coming strained. "Aria, are you... not human?" My breath catches in my throat. "Are you a kitsu?"

Those words hang there for a moment, before I gasp out a choked breath. "N-no," I stammer, then slowly shake my head. She just came this close. I'm panting, I think my heart almost gave out. Now that she's so close, I can't imagine her not figuring it out. "No, I'm not, but..." I sink lower to the ground. I have to tell her. I have to get the words out, no matter how terrifying they are. "I'm... I'm..."

While I'm gritting my teeth, fighting for the courage to say it, Reena comes forward again, connecting to Beth, and speaking to both of us. "Beth, I promised to protect Aria. If you do anything to harm her, I swear, forget what you've heard about the powerless goddess, I will smite you."

I gape at the unexpected threat, watching as the blood drains from Beth's face. She nods mutely, whole body shuddering as Reena draws back again. "Go on," Reena urges me. I'm still in shock, panting and trembling with my heart racing in my ears and tears leaking from my eyes.

I clench my fists and move, climbing into Beth's lap so I can hug her. "Please don't hate me," I beg. "I love talking to you and I need your help. I don't think I can get through this on my own, so please, please don't hate me..."

"I won't."

"Please, don't be scared of me."

"I won't."

I stand back, clenching my trembling hands, squaring my shaking shoulders, and fighting down my fear. I can feel Reena's hand at my back, urging me on. With watery eyes, I meet Beth's gaze, and make myself say the words.

Despite all my effort, they come out like a whisper. "You're right. I'm not human. I'm a rail unit."

I wait, and watch. I watch as her eyes widen, as her mouth opens and her whole body shudders.

"N-no, that... That can't be..." she mumbles. "Aria, you can't be, you aren't like those monsters..." The pain in her voice makes my breath hitch, and I turn my gaze to the ground. "They're horrible weapons, you aren't like that at all!"

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I don't know what to say. How to react. She doesn't believe me? But, she already had all that evidence. She practically figured it out on her own already... Do I show her, like I showed Emily? But there are people over on the road. Even if they're really far away, there's no way they could miss me activating my divine gear now.

"I..." I try to respond, to say something, but I can't. The tears are starting to come faster, and I slide to my knees, beginning to sob. Why is it always like this? But then Reena gives me a push. I can feel the anger burning in her, how mad she is that Beth won't won't even believe me. She gives me an answer, what I need to do.

But it's going to hurt even more...

I crawl forward, to Beth who is slowly shaking her head with tears in her disbelieving eyes. "Y-you can't be like them," she says.

"I am..." I touch her shoulder, and connect to her soul.

And I show her. The memories flow across, years of pain and abuse. The other rail units growing up around me. Being small, and broken, and beaten. The hatred I had - that I still have - for myself, and for everyone and everything around me. It all floods through at once, and the next thing I know, Reena catches me. I'm on the ground, shaking uncontrollably, teeth gritted to keep from screaming.

But it works. Beth breaks down, a hand covering her mouth as she lurches like she's going to throw up. For some time, we both sit there, sobbing. Even with Reena whispering to me, praising me for how brave I'm being, I start to wonder if my body can take much more of crying like this. My stomach is starting to hurt, and my eyes and throat won't stop burning.

Thankfully, we eventually recover enough to speak again. "So it's... all true..." Beth murmurs, but she won't look at me.

"Yeah..."

"I can't believe it..." She keeps staring off into the distance. "All this time, you were just a weapon?"

"Yes..."

"All those horrific injuries... they were..."

"From battle..." I finish.

"That's what you've been doing..." She's quiet for a while, her face turned away, before she asks, "Why are you doing all this?"

"Doing what?"

She gestures around. "All of this. If you're rail unit, why are you here? With us humans?" As she speaks, I'm surprised she doesn't sound scared. Just... shocked, and hollow. Distant.

But... "What do you mean, why? I just showed you." I answer. "Everything I've been through, all that pain. I can't live there, it would make me lose my mind."

"Huh... So that's why you're going around, pretending to be an orphan, getting hurt all the time, just... tricking all of us into caring for you?"

I feel a shove from behind, sending me stumbling into Beth so Reena can lash out. "You are out of line!" she snarls.

Beth recoils, but still asks, "How? Sh- It's- It's been lying to me since the day we met." Her words are a boot stomping on my soul.

There's a lurch when I feel Reena put me back together by force. "Do you have any idea how long I spent worried? Agonizing over it? What it put me through? I cared so much, but it was all lies..." She has tears in her eyes, one hand clutched to her chest.

"I-I'm so sorry," I gasp, sliding to the ground against her. Beth is completely right, I've taking advantage of everyone. They only care because they think I'm human. This is what I should have expected all along. It's always my fault...

"HORSESHIT!" Reena screams, sending us both staggering. "You can wall off your heart, but you can't hide your feelings from me, human!"

"W-what do you mean?" Beth stammers, her eyes going panicked. What is Reena talking about?

"Aria isn't going to die! She's far too important!" Reena continues to rage.

Beth looks away, shaking as her fingers dig into her arms. "But she's a rail unit!" she cries, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Rail units go, and fight, and die! How can you ask me to just watch that?!"

"I'm not, I'm asking you to help her. She needs you, damn it! She needs you right now and this is how you respond?"

"I'm just a normal person! How can I help with something like this? Did you see the shit she's been through?"

"That's not the kind of attitude that got you where you are today," Reena growls.

"No, I paid for that with my body!" Beth shouts and slams a fist into the grass.

"You're still the best doctor in this whole city! And Aria needs your help!"

"How do I help her? She's a weapon!" Beth demands.

"SHE'S JUST A CHILD!"

I sit, stunned as the two women scream at each other. I don't understand, what are they even talking about? Does Beth care about me or not?

There's a pause, Beth wiping repeatedly at her eyes, sending glances at me, but not meeting my gaze.

"She's a broken weapon. She's going to die. And you want me to watch. How can you ask that...?"

"Beth, I'm not asking that. Aria won't die, I swear. And besides-" Just as the conversation is calming down a little, I feel when Reena cuts me off, only talking to Beth. I have no idea what she says, but Beth's eyes go wide, then unfocused.

"..." She opens her mouth, but no words come out. A few moments later, she shakes herself. Then she looks back at me, and her shoulders hunch with guilt, Reena still seething and glowering. "I'm... really sorry, Aria. I shouldn't have said those things. No matter what you really are, you're still a child, and I do care about you, either way."

"You... do?" I ask. Do I believe her? Reena is still glaring daggers at her.

"Yes, I'm just scared, I don't want to lose you. But, you're fighting against rail units and you're just..." and gestures to me. Yeah, I'm just... this.

"I know..." I sigh. "But I'm not completely helpless. I can still use magic, and I have help." I don't know how convincing I am, but Beth is still looking at me with so much pain on her face, it's making me feel even worse. "Miss Beth... I'm really sorry for lying to you for so long. I'm sorry I tricked you into caring for me. I know you said it's fine, but... are you sure?"

"No, no, sweetie," she reaches out, but flinches, hesitating before she touches me. Is she scared after all? "It's not like that." Then she overcomes her hesitation and slides a hand gently against my cheek, before pulling me into a hug. "I'm sorry I said those terrible, hurtful things. You only hid your identity because you knew people would hurt you for it. I get it now, why you always refused to explain. But that's not it at all. I know you. I know about all the heinous treatment you've received, just for being what you are."

Beth lets out a shaky breath and hugs me tighter. "I was... trying to push you away. I was afraid, afraid I'd be powerless, forced to watch you die. I'm still afraid. I'm just an ordinary woman, I'm not qualified to help you with this..."

"You accept her for who she is, those are all the qualifications you need," Reena suddenly cuts in, her hardness toward Beth finally giving a little.

"Is that so..." she mumbles. After a soft sigh, she draws back a little to look me in the eye. "Aria, I'm sorry I tried to push you away. Can you forgive me for being weak?"

As soon as she says that, it hits me. I understand. The right words come, all on their own. "We're all weak sometimes. That's when we need to be brave."

A teary smile breaks over her face, and she wraps me tight in her arms. We sit like that for a while, hugging and crying. When Beth finally pulls back, I can feel Reena beaming at me. "Smart girl," she praises me.

"You really are a wonderful child," Beth adds, with a sad smile. There's a pause, then she asks, "So, what now?"

"Now, we should get to what Aria needs to talk about most," Reena instructs. "But... Are you even up for it at this point?" she asks me uncertainly. "Just coming out with that looks like it took everything you had in you today."

"It... kinda did..." I admit, leaning closer into Beth. I'm getting tired already.

"It's no surprise," Beth sighs, "I put you through so much, I'm sorry, Aria."

"It's fine, I'm just glad you believe in me." What more could I possibly ask for? "Are you sure you aren't scared or anything?"

That gets a chuckle. "Scared of you? As if." She strokes a hand soothingly through my hair for a bit, before wiping away the tear tracks across her face, and smiling. "I was so surprised earlier, you really do look like a kitsu, you know," she says all of a sudden, and pinches my cheek lightly.

"I don't think so," Reena disagrees. "Not enough legs." It takes us all a few moments for that to sink in before we get it. All at once, we break out laughing. It's just so out of place after everything we talked about, we can't help ourselves at all.

"Haha, really?" Beth gasps, holding me to her chest as she lies on her back. "Never would have thought you had a sense of humor." Reena just shrugs smugly.

"Alright, how are you feeling, Aria?" Beth finally asks when we calm down a little. "I know we didn't get to talk about much, but do you think you're up for the party tomorrow?"

"I think I can manage. Even with everything else, I feel pretty good after telling you everything." It took a huge weight off my shoulders. Just knowing that I can talk through everything with her, no need to conceal anything anymore, it gives me this new sense of security. I'm not trying to get through everything alone, and it's not like telling Emily about stuff either. She's amazing, but Beth is an adult who knows all sorts of stuff and can actually help me.

"Good, then let's get you home. You're going to need your rest for the big day. You should probably get to Eryk's early so you can get washed and dressed." I nod seriously with her instructions. It isn't much, but we did get a bit dirty sitting out in the grass like this.

Beth stands and pulls me up with her. It's about time to stop channeling my mark, but first, Reena addresses Beth one more time. "Thank you for taking care of Aria. You have my eternal gratitude."

"You're welcome, Goddess Reena," Beth replies with a gesture of deep respect.

"Good job being brave," Reena says, like a whisper in my ear, then I feel an invisible kiss on my forehead, before she pulls back from my soul, and I smile a little, then release my mark. I look from Beth, back to the town. I really do feel a little better now.

"Come on, let's go," she tugs gently on my hand, and we start on our way back.