I sit up in bed, stretching. "I feel great today!" I grin. By sleeping almost all yesterday, I managed to get enough rest that I'm not already tired when I wake up. It's the first time in... a while. I get up, leaning forward and backward to stretch out, and it feels great. My body is actually nice and light and full of energy. I turn to see Emily waking up as well. She rubs the sleep from her eyes.
"Good morning, Aria."
"Good morning, Emily." As the other girls get up, I greet them as well. "Good morning Helen, Mary. And umm..."
"I'm Eve. You're looking a lot better than usual, today," says the blond girl in the bed next to mine. Her hair is all sorts of wild from her sleep and she's trying to pat it down to get it back under control.
I nod. "Yeah. Sorry I'm always so sleepy. And I'm sorry I'm always bothering you at night," I add while bowing.
"It's no big deal, we're all used to it, doesn't even wake me up." She laughs and waves it off surprisingly easily. I think she's mostly fixed her hair, but it's still pretty crazy and wavy. Then I turn to the last girl, whose bed is directly across from mine.
"Umm..."
"...Jannette..." she says quietly.
"Good morning, Jannette."
"Good morning." When she doesn't say anything else for a bit, I awkwardly move on.
I address everyone. "Sorry I'm so late with this, I'm always too tired in the morning... I hope we can all get along." I wonder if that greeting was any good?
"Haha, no big deal. I'm sure we'll get along great," Eve jumps up from her bed and starts energetically patting me on the head. I'm surprised, but it's Emily who jolts at the sudden motion, halfway through getting out of bed herself. "Well, see you all later," Eve calls as she leaves the room, waving over her shoulder. I smile at her back, Eve is really nice. Mary follows close behind out the door. After a few moments, Helen finishes straightening out her clothes and hair. She nods to the rest of us before leaving the room. Emily is crouched down, fiddling with her clothing as well, so I glance over at Jannette. She just sits on her bed, looking at me for a bit, before getting up.
Without doing anything else, she begins making her way directly out of the room. I shuffle back a bit to get out of her way in the narrow space between our beds, and she brushes past, heading straight out. Now that I've properly met all my roommates, it seems like they're all pretty different people. Emily stands back up. "Let's go get breakfast," I say. She nods, but doesn't immediately start moving. It kind of feels like she's staring at me. "Is there something on my face...? Or Is my hair messed up?" I pat it, expecting to find something like Eve's hair, but it feels fine.
Finally, she shakes her head. "Aah, no. Let's go." She begins walking, and we head out. At the top of the stairs, she takes the first step, then turns back to me and extends her hand. "Here." I don't really understand, but I take her hand anyway. She holds my hand tightly, saying, "Just lean on me." I hop down to the first step, wobbling a little as I land. It's too dangerous to do normally because if I lose my balance on the narrow steps I'll fall down the stairs, but with her hand anchoring me, I don't need to worry about that. She smiles, and we proceed down at a much faster pace than normal. At the bottom, I release her hand and smile.
"Thanks a lot, Emily. That was a big help."
She smiles back for a moment, before glancing away a little. "It's no big deal really," she says, but she looks kind of embarrassed. Maybe helping me is embarrassing for her? Should I try not to rely on her so much? Is it bothering her? At the next staircase, she still looks embarrassed, but gives me her hand again anyway. I hesitate. Now I'm worried I'm really bothering her. But she's holding her hand out. Why would she do that if it bothers her? It'll make me feel bad if I don't accept her offer. So I take her hand and she helps me down to the first floor.
We walk through the first floor. Since I'm wide awake for once, I look all around as we walk. It's much less lively than yesterday. For the most part, the kids sit or stand around on their own. In a few places, we pass a few pairs having quiet conversations, but everyone seems to mostly stick to themselves. It's uncomfortably similar to the way the rail units would stand around without really interacting with one another. We pass through the kitchen, where I immediately recognize Andy at the counter. It looks like he's making food.
"Good morning, Andy." I say while waving. He turns back when he hears my voice, but seems to grimace for some reason. He looks conflicted for a few moments, before responding.
"Good morning, Aria." I glance at Emily, but she is looking away. I look back, but it seems that they aren't looking at each other for some reason.
"So you cook sometimes?" I ask.
"Y-yeah." He keeps glancing nervously between me and the counter in front of him.
"Oh, I don't want to bother you while you're working. See you later!" I quickly retreat when I realize I'm probably in the way and distracting him. We move into the dining room. I look around briefly. I've met more people now, so I manage to spot one I recognize sitting down inside and move toward them.
It's hard to see, but after clearing a bit of the crowd, I recognize the dark hair I saw belongs to Jess. I move so we can sit down in the open seats near her, but Emily calls my name quietly.
"Uhh, Aria..." I stop and turn back.
"Yeah?"
"Well, uhh..." I glance back at Jess, she's looking at us. I look back and forth between Jess and Emily. It seems like Emily has something to say, but I don't want to be rude and just stand here in front of Jess without saying anything.
"Sorry, hold on," I say to Emily before facing Jess one more time. "Good morning, Jess," I greet her.
She opens and closes her mouth a couple times for some reason, before answering. "Good morning." She says it so quietly though that it's a little hard to hear.
I feel Emily tug on the back of my robe. "Aria, hey," she says, trying to pull me away a bit.
I follow a few steps and ask, "Yeah, what is it?"
"We don't really... talk during the week..." she says.
"Who?" I tilt my head.
"Me and my friends, we only talk on Shanadays..."
What?
"Wait wait wait," I try to wrap my head around it, but can't. I thought friends were close. "Why not?"
"Well, uhh, you see..." she flounders, clearly unable to come up with an answer.
"I don't get it, you only talk to your friends once a week?" She nods. "Even though you talk to me every day? Aren't they your friends?" Maybe I completely misunderstood their descriptions of friends yesterday? So I try to set my understanding straight, maybe I'm missing something. "Wait, you talk to me every day. But you don't with your friends who you're close to and care about?"
Emily's eyes go wide. "No, I-" but she cuts her words short. Maybe it's not that she doesn't talk to them as much as me, maybe it's because she's helping me? When Marrianne was taking care of me, she didn't do all the other things she normally did because she was too busy with me. I didn't realize until afterward, when I saw how all her clothes were dirty, and she was out of firewood and food. So that's what Emily has been doing too? Skipping things she normally does because she's too busy with me?
"I-I'm really sorry! I didn't realize I was getting in your way so much!" I squeeze my eyes shut and apologize loudly. "I'll try my best not to bother you anymore!" and run away.
"No, that's!" Emily cries from behind me, but I just try to get away so she can get back to her friends like she wants to. Before I know it, I stop outside the front of the orphanage. I sit outside, taking a few deep breaths. Now that I'm actually thinking about it, some things seem more obvious. Since yesterday, Emily's been looking sad and embarrassed. Of course she would be if she has to spend all her time taking care of me and helping me instead of spending it with her friends like she wants to.
"Aaah, I didn't realize it at all, just like last time," I lean forward, holding my head. I just keep taking advantage of people without noticing. That's on top of the fact that I'm lying to all of them anyway. "No matter where I go, I end up being a burden," I sit with my head curled between my knees. I don't want to cry, but tears start to well up in the corners of my eyes.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
Then I hear some footsteps approach. It turns out to be Jannette. She leans against the wall beside me. I expect her to say something, but she just stands there with a conflicted look. I return to looking at the ground. After a while, she suddenly starts to speak.
"I saw what happened..." I look back up at her when she says that. "I think you're misunderstanding something..." she trails off between each thought, pausing for a while before starting again. "We've all lost our families... none of us want to be here..." She continues standing there, but seems to have finished speaking. Eventually, her words sink in.
All of the children here are orphans. They lost their families, the people they loved and were closest to. But that's just secondhand knowledge. I've never had a family, and have no idea what it feels like. They're here because they don't have anywhere else to go. It must be terrible compared to the families they came from. For me who came from the AR program that wants me to go die somewhere, I just can't imagine it.
"I'm sorry, but I don't understand. I'm really happy that I get to live here." I try to smile, but I feel like I'm about to cry.
She looks up as she leans against the building. "...I can tell..." She lets out a long sigh, then walks back inside. I sit for a bit longer before I go in too.
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I need to eat breakfast, no matter what is going on with Emily. I end up sitting alone in the corner. I don't see Emily, but I can't stop thinking about her. There's something that doesn't sit right with me. She's been helping me every day, to the point where she can't talk to her own friends. What Jannette said makes me wonder: Why? No one wants to be here, but they have to.
Like being here, Emily must not want to take care of me, so why does she? Did Mister Fredricson tell her she has to? He is always saying I'm doing stupid things, did he tell one of my roommates that they have to watch me? I have no idea. If I ask Emily about it, would she tell me? It seems like she's been trying to get along with me though. Why do that if she's being forced into it?
I'm so in my own head that I don't even notice I've finished my food. By the time I notice people leaving the room, I realize I've been scraping my spoon along the bottom of my empty bowl for some time now. I completely forgot to be careful with what I was eating...
I quickly put my bowl back and head upstairs. I get a basket from Mister Fredricson, then stop. "Hey, Mister Fredricson..." I want to ask if he would tell someone to watch me. But his eyes narrow like he thinks I'm about to ask another stupid question and I cower under his glare. "Actually, no, it's nothing. Nevermind." I quickly retreat from his office with the basket. I head to the forest with the little kids, gather things, and return around the tenth bell like usual. After depositing my things and returning the basket, I lie down in bed.
I'm much less tired than usual, and cannot get Emily out of my head at all. I've been going over and over it all day. Everything I can think of for why she's always helping me and teaching me things. Like, she's being forced. Or there's some kind of rule that someone has to help new arrivals. Or she's actually been making fun of me behind my back the entire time. Which just makes me feel even more guilty for doubting how nice she's been to me. But why is she nice to me? Even if she has to help me for some reason, she's so nice about it, does me favors, and even goes out of her way to help me with things when she doesn't need to, like helping me down the stairs today. Even though she clearly wasn't comfortable doing it!
I keep trying to get some sleep, but I can't get my mind to settle down at all. I barely manage to get a little bit of sleep, but every time I wake up, my mind just starts spinning in circles with all the things I'm worried about all over again. Before I know it, the twelfth bell rings. I roll over in bed. I need to get up, but I'm so worried. Am I going to see Emily at dinner? I don't know what to say to her at all. I'm so nervous over all of this that it's starting to make my stomach hurt. Will I even be able to eat?
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A knock rings against the door. I sit up in bed as Emily walks inside.
"A-Aria...?" she stammers.
"Y-yeah?" My heart jumps into my throat.
"You were... awake...?"
"Yeah."
"..."
"..."
We stare at each other for a while, neither speaking.
"It's... umm... time for dinner..."
"Yeah." That's the only word I seem able to say.
She slowly begins to turn back. She came to wake me up for dinner. I blink a few times as it dawns on me.
"Why?" the word leaves my lips automatically. She looks back, confused. "You came to wake me up."
She looks down, blushing as she answers. "You asked me to." She has to wake me up because I asked?
"I-I'm sorry. I was being selfish, you don't have to wake me up. I'll wake myself up from now on." Emily keeps looking down. She's frowning and looks like she's about to cry. She must really hate everything I've made her do until now.
Before I realize what I'm doing, I bow my head low and let out all of the worries and apologies that have been on my mind. "I'm really sorry for bothering you this whole time. I know you must hate having to help me all the time instead of being with your friends. No matter where I go, I never realize that I'm being a burden on people. I'll do my best to stay out of your way so you don't need to worry about me, you can just ignore me. I'm sorry, you don't have to put up with me anymore. So just do what you want and go be with your friends. I'm really sorry for bothering you..." I finally finish breathlessly pouring out everything. I continue staring down at my bed on all fours. I'm ashamed of how this always happens. I have to get stronger so I don't burden everyone around me.
"...bother..." I glance up when I hear Emily mutter something. Then she looks up with tears in her eyes. "You don't bother me!" she shouts.
"Huh?"
"You just keep saying sorry for bothering me, but you don't bother me at all!" she keeps shouting angrily. "I'm helping you because I want to!" I gasp, a hand to my mouth. That's exactly what Marrianne said.
"Why?" I never asked Marrianne. "Why would you want to help someone like me?" Something like me.
"B-because-" she cuts short, blushing bright red from ear to ear. Then she looks away and mumbles, "Because you're my friend..."
"What? Me? How? Why?"
"What do you mean why? You're nice and I like you so of course we're friends..." She kicks her foot against the ground bashfully as she answers.
"You like me? You don't hate me?" I blink with surprise.
"Of course not, why would I hate you?"
"I... don't know..." After all of my confused, worried thoughts all day, it feels weird even thinking she doesn't hate me after she had to do so many things for me. But she wanted to do them? Because she likes me? "I just... don't think anyone has ever liked me before..." Thinking about it now, Marrianne and Francis also did things for me. Did they like me? They never said. They didn't seem to hate me at least. And I know I like them.
With a sad looking smirk, Emily asks, "Just how bad was the place you came from...? Wasn't there a single good thing in your life?"
After a moment of thought, I shake my head. "No, nothing." But I smile. I don't know why, but feel myself smiling when I say there was nothing good in my life back then. Maybe because there are some good things now. Her face turns to shock. Then she gulps, closes her eyes and lunges forward.
"Hyaahh?!" I cry as she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly, knocking me down onto my bed. Despite the surprise, she feels so nice and warm that I hug her back. It's a comforting feeling a lot like when I hugged Marrianne. I already find myself closing my eyes and snuggling into her. It's only been a week, I didn't realize how much I already missed this feeling. I let out a long, happy sigh. All of my worry and tension about Emily all day just starts to fade away. I could fall asleep just like this...
"H-hey, Aria! Don't fall asleep now! We still need to go to dinner..." Emily stammers. I'm not sure if I was asleep long, but I'm still wrapped in her warm embrace. I squint my eyes open a little and look up at her. Our eyes meet, and she starts to turn bright red. Then she jumps back, looking away. When she's red and embarrassed, it's actually kind of funny.
"Thank you, Emily. That felt really nice." I smile at her happily while sitting up and rubbing the sleep from my eyes. That just makes her blush more though. Why is she blushing? Maybe she didn't like it? "Umm, didn't you like it too?" I ask when she doesn't respond.
She looks over at me, halfway between embarrassment and worry, then straight back at the ground, her whole face going bright red. "I liked it," she mumbles.
Then Emily takes a deep breath, visibly gulping. "The truth is, when you hugged me yesterday, it felt so good I didn't know what to do... It's... been so long..." Yesterday, outside the church? It seems like she's about to cry, but she keeps talking. "It reminded me of my family... It was all I could think about today. But it was so embarrassing," she says while covering her face, "so I thought we could just touch or maybe hold hands... And then I got so jealous when Eve got to pat your head..." she groans. "When you said there was nothing good in your life before, I wanted to cheer you up, but I was probably just using it as an excuse to hug you, I'm sorry..."
I don't quite understand why she's so embarrassed about that. And about her family... how long has it been since she last had a warm hug...? "Don't be sorry, it made me really happy." I tell her, trying to cheer her up. "I've never had a friend before, so I'm super glad that you would be my friend, and your hugs feel really nice!"
"Really?" she asks, a hand clutched to her chest. "I'm so glad... I was worried you'd hate it and wouldn't want to be friends anymore..." She stares at the ground, getting redder.
"Of course not. Honestly, I've been worried that you hated helping me, and didn't get to spend any time with your friends..." I admit. "So I'm really, really happy to know that I'm your friend. And I'm happy that you would hug me like that." I smile and hug her again as she stands there. She goes stiff, quickly jumping out of my arms a moment later.
"B-b-but it's s-s-still really embarrassing!" Still with her hands over her face, she's so red it looks like she's about to start steaming.
"It's embarrassing?" I wonder aloud, tilting my head. "What's so embarrassing about it?"
"I don't know, it just is!" She shakes her head back and forth without removing her hands.
"O-ok." I don't really understand. "Then I won't do it again if you don't want to..." I don't want to show my disappointment, but I don't think I can really hide it.
We stand silently for a bit. Emily faces away, glancing over at me repeatedly. "M-maybe sometimes..." Then she holds her hand out. I smile and take it. She squeezes tightly. It feels warm and comfortable. "This feels kind of nice too..." she mutters.
"Yeah," I smile and agree. We head down to dinner, holding hands the whole way.