After that, Eryk winds up taking me straight home. He says that we can discuss work more later, and that he'll get back to me within a few days with information about his search for a teacher. Then he comes inside and pays Mister Fredricson the fifty irons he owes him for the contract. Without much more conversation beyond that, he heads home. He still looks really mad about how the contract turned out though...
"You turned out to be profitable earlier than I expected," Mister Fredricson comments while smiling at the pile of money on his desk. Then he shoos me from his office and I go to my room. I guess the way the contract turned out sort of leaves a sour taste in my mouth too...
I end up lying down in bed, finally realizing how tired I am. My arm really hurts again, like my injuries have gone backward a week. "Ugh, I can't believe I did that," I mutter. "But how was I supposed to know? But I still should have been more careful! I didn't even have any of my stuff with me!" I cover my eyes with my good arm. What am I even doing right now? Just berating myself for making a mistake I never could have anticipated.
No, if I'd just paid more attention, the lightning wouldn't have gotten so strong. Or if I'd had my stuff, I could have generated lightning mana to deal with it, even if it took extra time. Or any number of other things.
If I'd actually been prepared.
"But he didn't even tell me what I needed to be prepared for!" I complain. "But that part is my job! It's my job to be prepared for these things!"
I finally just sigh and release all the energy from my body, just lying here and staring at the ceiling. The only thing left for me to do today is maybe count another bell or two. That might help me figure out the weird numbers I've been getting.
Until then, I just laze in bed. Half-asleep once more, I listen to the silent ticking until the bells ring once more. Just after the large tick this time. When I counted the bells at the refinery, it was just before. But now it's just after. And out in town it was halfway between. Does it change based on the time of day? Or the location? But how could my location affect when the bells ring, that doesn't make any sense. How about movement? Maybe my divine gear actually turns faster or slower when I move around? That seems more likely, and I could probably test it whenever I have the energy to run in circles for a bell. Meaning not any time soon...
For now, I just keep counting. Half asleep, I let the count sink to the back of my mind, just doing it on reflex. From the ninth to tenth bell, four hundred fifty eight ticks. The same from the tenth to the eleventh bell. Starting and finishing on the first small tick every time. So that's the same number three out of the four times I tried today. The only exception was the first time, when I counted one tick less. That was also when I ended up with a different starting and ending point. I can probably consider it an outlier for now, until I do more tests. So I can tentatively determine that each bell is four hundred fifty eight ticks long. I wonder if that number really relates to anything, or if it just happens to be how many times my divine gear ticks compared to however they actually keep time at the church?
I guess I'm kind of in the habit already, because I wind up counting to the twelfth bell without even really trying. It still matches my expectations, which is nice. Like she has lately, I see Emily through Maven when she gets to the forest and collects the animals that they caught today. She thanks them and I wave as she runs off again. She really is working hard right now, isn't she?
Shortly before the twelfth bell, Emily gets back home. She made it here from the forest really fast! It only took her one hundred thirty five ticks, so about thirty percent of one bell. Doesn't it normally take almost a whole bell just to walk there?
When she comes up to our room, I greet her happily. While she takes my hair down, I tell her about my day, from the contract to getting hurt, though I tell her that what I'm working on with Eryk is secret so I can't talk about it.
"Mmm..." she grumbles. "I don't like that you got hurt on your very first day..."
"I told you, it was my fault."
"You say everything is your fault," she huffs.
"Not everything..." I pout.
"Oh yeah? Name one thing you actually think is someone else's fault." She's teasing me. I know she is, but I take the bait anyway.
"Mister Fredricson messing up the contract wasn't my fault!" I declare proudly. Wait, that was terrible, why am I proud right now? As I sink back down into my bed, Emily starts to panic.
"Ok ok, you don't have to get that depressed! It does sound like you had a rough day though..." She looks away with a worried expression, but then perks up again. "I have tomorrow off work, so we can talk and stuff. I mean, I have some things to do, but we can spend some time together too. We haven't had a chance to just talk for a while. Just the two of us."
"Yeah, we haven't," I agree. "Let's do that."
After that the day wraps up as usual.
However, when we climb into bed together and I think to generate more earth mana, I realize that I don't have the coins I've been carrying all the time lately. I guess I dropped them when I got struck by lightning...
Luckily, Emily just gets me two more. Wait, how much money does Emily have stuffed under her bed exactly?
Well, nothing I really need to worry about right now. Together, we fall asleep for the day.
----------------------------------------
Emily has the day off, so we wake up together before John shows up with my breakfast. It looks like Eryk stuck to his word, there's a lot more than yesterday. At first I wonder if I can even eat it all, then I'm surprised when I manage to eat the whole bowl without any trouble. It was so much food though, I'm not a glutton, am I? That worries me, but Emily just pats me on the head and says it's fine and that I'm still growing. I don't know...
After breakfast, we head to the well. Emily says I haven't gotten washed up at all since I got back, so now is a good time. But there's not much I can do with my whole body torn up like this. So she just ends up rubbing some of the dirt off of my face, and we wash my clothes before we head back inside.
Throughout all of it, I keep my count running in the back of my mind. It's just like yesterday, except now every bell passes in four hundred fifty seven ticks instead of four hundred fifty eight. It went down by one?
"Hmm..." she looks like she's thinking hard as we head up toward our room. "I'm not really sure what to do actually. I've always had to go to the forest every single day, you know?" I nod a few times. It is really weird having days off. Normally days off would mean washing and sewing, but I only have two sets of clothes. No blankets, no mattress, nothing like that. So there isn't really anything I need to maintain. We end up washing Emily's clothing and sewing patches, but like she said, she needs to get new clothes anyway, so there's not much point.
"Oh yeah, since things went badly with the contract, can we keep splitting the money from hunting?" I ask her when it pops back into my head.
"Sure," she agrees without more than a moment of thought. We are still doing it together. Sort of.
"Thanks, Emily."
We sit for a little while longer, but there isn't really anything to do. We can't talk about anything extremely sensitive here either, in case Mister Fredricson ends up overhearing us. And I've been completely banned from doing any testing with mana in our room ever since that incident with the lightning. By the fifth bell, we're basically out of things to do.
"Well, you still need lots of rest. How about we just take a nap?" Emily suggests. "I can't remember the last time I got to take a nap." I'm a little worried about being too lazy, but she assures me that it's important and I need to heal. So for now, we just lie down in my bed and sleep. Sure, maybe it's the ton of earth mana I generate any time I'm about to go to sleep, but snuggling together with Emily in the middle of a strangely lazy day is amazing.
While I drift off to sleep, I'm still aware of everyone else and what they're doing. A couple of the hobins are doing the hunting, while Brom seems to just be goofing off, and Maven is still working on courting that other hobin he likes. I think it's going well, he's doing some sort of thing where he waves his tail around to get her attention. I have no idea why, and neither does he. It's just what he has to do. For no apparent reason.
Moving past that, Chisa is doing her usual daily flyovers, picking off small prey once in a while if she sees the opportunity. And Myra is... in some sort of fighting tournament with other animals kind of like her to see which one is the strongest. Please don't get yourself killed Myra... She just scoffs at me and says something along the lines of 'do you really think these weaklings could match me?'
Before I know it, Emily is shaking me awake again. It looks like John came with more food. I did hear the seventh bell ring through Chisa's ears, didn't I? While rubbing my eyes, I eat the food. Like every day, it is a bowl of a whole lot of things I don't recognize, cooked in some way I don't understand, with an unfamiliar sauce on it. I wonder if my education will cover stuff like this? Though I guess that's not nearly as important as learning things like reading and writing.
Even though I haven't done much but sleep today, I finish off the whole bowl of food easily this time too. After watching me eat, Emily smiles a little and says, "How about I make you something to eat later?"
"Would you?" I ask excitedly. "You've been learning to cook, right? I was wondering if I could try some of your food..." I beam at her.
"W-well, yeah." She looks away and starts blushing for some reason. "It seems like everything I make is weird though... Is that alright?"
"That's fine, all food is weird to me!" I say proudly. Again, that's not something to be proud of, is it?
"Aaah!" Emily cries and immediately starts comforting me when I slump over at the thought. But with this nice, comfy feeling, we both end up giggling together for a bit.
"Sure, I'll make you some food later. I'll pick up some stuff when I go out. I guess I'll go to the forest too, so I should probably go pretty late... Ooh, but that means I'll have some meat to work with too!" she exclaims, jumping up and down on my bed.
"Umm, but if you get back that late, won't you end up in the kitchen at the same time as the big kids cooking dinner?"
"Oh, you're right..." As soon as she continues, she naturally lowers her voice to a whisper. "But I can't go get the animals too early, can I?"
Given the topic, I respond the same way. "Mmm, if I get Brom to help out, they should have enough by the ninth bell, is that alright?"
"Ninth bell? Then I guess I should get going or I won't have enough time."
"Oh?" It's going to take her that long? Well, if she's going all the way to the forest and back, on top of everything else, that will take a while. In fact, will it even be enough time? Emily is already getting up. "Will you be alright?" I ask. She stretches with a small groan, then gives me a confident smile.
"I'll just run!"
"Umm..." I mumble, reaching under my bed and tapping the durite briefly for some lightning mana. "Here, this should make it easier," I offer Emily my hand and she takes it, giggling. "Thanks Aria." She pats my head with her other hand and giggles a little more.
"You're welcome. I'll see you later."
"See you." She waves and heads out. From Chisa, I can see her leave the orphanage and begin running down North Main Street. She's so fast! I grin a little while Chisa swoops low to watch her run for a bit. Then she rolls to the side and heads off over the city again, while gaining altitude.
"Wait, stop!" I mutter, "go back." She only flew over momentarily, but I don't think there was anyone on that last block. She circles back around, going a little higher to get a better look. There's one block where I didn't spot anyone on the street. It's pretty far south, and five or six blocks into the northeast district. Have I really found 3F already?
No, I can't say that for sure yet. Even if the block is empty at such a busy time of day, it could just be a coincidence. So I have to go back and check. As she makes a wide turn to approach that area again, I think back on 3F. I'll have to recognize it from the air, but... what does 3F look like?
I stare blankly as I realize I have absolutely no idea. Even back when I was working with it during the battle, I... I didn't pay a single bit of attention to what it actually looked like, did I? The only thing that even registered was that 3F was a female type rail unit.
But I should still recognize it, right? I already know I can recognize all of the rail units on sight, I did it back when I lived there. But for some reason, I haven't formed any conscious impression of what any of them look like...
This is going to make things a lot harder, isn't it? I won't be able to look for a specific head of hair or anything from high above. I'll have to search close to the ground, though I have no idea if I'll be close enough to recognize it on sight. With those thoughts, Chisa goes in low and angles to fly down the length of the street, scanning down it, but there isn't anyone there. I try the adjacent roads next, spiraling outward until I spot some movement, just a couple streets over. I think an alley led between the last street and this one, so maybe... Chisa comes down on the edge of a roof to look down over the scene. There are a number of people on the street, all moving in one direction.
And then there's one more, the one all the people are clearly fleeing from. Even if there's no spark of recognition viewing it from behind and up overhead, that must be 3F! At least I can recognize the robes it wears. They're still pretty light colored and clean, probably since it's only been a few weeks since the battle and rail units don't go around getting their clothes dirty. That said, Chisa eyes the bottom hem, much darker than the rest. So 3F must have been walking for a while already. I have Chisa bounce between a few rooftops, staying in safe spots while making sure not to lose sight of 3F.
So... what do I do now? I'm supposed to find out what it's doing wandering around. The best way would be to talk to it. But where can I possibly talk to a rail unit inside the city where it won't draw suspicion? No, even that doesn't work. I'm still not allowed to walk around on my own. Even if I did ignore the doctor's order, there's no way I could walk halfway through the city to go meet 3F in my current state. Sure, I could probably get there, but making it all the way back on my own would be too much with how little energy I have. What about bringing it to me?
"No no no no!" I immediately start stammering. No way. Under no circumstances can I ever bring a rail unit to the orphanage! I would completely give away my identity and destroy my entire life in an instant if I did that! Then where? Somewhere within a short distance of the house. A spot I could walk to and return from on my own, safely. With absolutely no one around to see me talking with a rail unit.
"Oh, that spot." I say flatly as the obvious solution comes to mind. The same grassy spot we've used already. It's just a few blocks to the gate, and a short walk from there. Even with the little energy I have now, I shouldn't have any trouble with that. I still feel bad for not following what the doctor told me to do, but this is important.
Not to mention, it kind of feels... separate. This relates to the rail unit program, so I'll be meeting 3F as 1A, the rail unit. Not Aria, the peasant child with doctor's orders to stay off her feet. It's weird and almost feels like an excuse, but... for some reason, that's how I think about it. I guess because I've been keeping these two lives separated this whole time.
That just leaves the question of how I can get 3F to go all the way from wandering the streets in the northeast district to a grassy field outside the city. Actually, that shouldn't be that hard. It wouldn't be doable with a person, but it'll be fine for a rail unit.
Still, I'm really worried about being spotted together. Even if that place isn't within line of sight from the gate, it's not that far away either. Then there's the fact that no one really uses the North Gate, so if you only see a person and a rail unit go out, then both come back, wouldn't that alone be suspicious?
I can't use Chisa and everyone else is outside the city. I need another set of eyes and ears in town. A cat, or one of the small animals Chisa hunts maybe? If I had to choose, I would rather go with a cat. They can roam the city without any of the people in town bothering them. I can't say the same for the small scurrying animals, they seem to hide away from humans.
For myself, I start to get up. I straighten my clothes a little since my skirt is all bunched up from sleeping all day, then carefully make my way out of the house and begin to walk slowly toward the grassy spot.
At the same time, I have Chisa fly up again. Without losing sight of 3F, she checks the areas nearby, but there aren't any cats or other small animals around. It's... actually kind of weird, but there are none she can spot, anywhere within three or four blocks.
I have her scan further out until she does spot something. Is that a cat on a roof? Since I don't really have another option, I take a good long look at 3F to finally get a good idea of its appearance.
Black hair cut very short so it only reaches the the bottom of 3F's ears, and wearing the rail unit robes which are light gray for now. Of course it wears a dead-eyed expression, but it does seem to have a good looking, kind of round face. I memorize the spot and quickly have Chisa fly over to the cat. Even at a distance, I see that it's a very small cat, nowhere near the size it should be full grown. As soon as she gets close, I have her perch for a moment on an adjacent building because something about this situation is weird.
The small cat is making high pitched 'meow meow' sounds while it clings to a small wooden board at the edge of a rooftop. Can it not get down? How did it even get up there?
"Charlie!" a girl's voice suddenly cries out from below. Chisa leans over the edge of the building to find a little girl, maybe five years old, with bright blond hair, on the ground below. She's staring up at the small cat. Emily said lots of people keep cats, so is that one hers? I guess that means I can't use it, but it feels like she's going to have a lot of trouble getting it down from the roof of a three story building... Thinking that, I have Chisa swoop over and snatch up the small cat.
"Charlie!" the little girl screams in panic. I guess that would be scary, but there's no helping it. Chisa turns downward sharply, braking her speed just before the ground so she can release the cat struggling futilely in her grasp. It drops lightly to the ground, just a short distance from the little girl. Chisa killed most of her momentum there, so she beats her wings hard to quickly regain her altitude and get back above street level, a naturally dangerous spot for a bird to stay too long.
As soon as she makes it up high enough, she goes right back to the spot where 3F was. I spot the black hair and gray robes just a little further down the street from before. Good, I haven't lost it. Circling over 3F one more time, Chisa searches for another cat. Eventually, she finds one, quite a ways off. It's walking along the street, then turns into an alley. Marking 3F's location one more time in my head, Chisa angles down toward the alley, coming to rest at the edge of a building. The cat is below, its mottled gray fur kind of blending in with the rough stones under its feet.
Without hesitation, Chisa drops down on the cat. It's about average size, but it doesn't matter. As soon as the bird touches the cat, we pull the mana out and I dive inside. In the moments this takes, I get my first good look at the cat. While it looked gray from above, the fur on its face and chest are lighter. Almost white with a little bit of tan mixed in.
I've only done it a few times, so it still takes some time to find the core of its mana well. But once I do, converting it to mine is easy. Just like that, the cat gets right back up as Chisa frantically flaps back up away from the ground to reach the safety of the rooftops. From there, she heads back to 3F so we don't lose it.
Looking through the gray cat's eyes for the first time, I direct it to head toward the North Gate. This one is female and her gray fur reminds me of the color of rocks, so I'll name her Riko. I want to be sure she isn't already owned by anyone, so I quickly check her memories. They're kind of blurry and vague, but they definitely indicate she lives on the street without an owner. Alright, as long as I'm not stealing anyone's cat...
Riko moves easily through the streets, but I feel her resisting as she hits a boundary of some sort. It's a scent, indicating that the area beyond here belongs to another cat. Not really important right now, so I just have her run through. As she goes, she vaguely complains that this is too much work. I just urge her on, she can rest by the gate when she gets there.
While Riko is making good time, my slow walking pace has finally brought me out to the main street near the gate. I don't want to push myself very hard on my own here, so I'll just keep taking it nice and slow.
Now for the tricky part. I have Chisa drop to a building near 3F. It looks like the whole area has already fled into the surrounding streets, so the road is nice and empty. No nearby animals to worry about either. Pushing away my worries, Chisa descends to the street, landing right in front of 3F. The rail unit stops and looks down at it, expression blank as ever. I have Chisa walk a little closer so 3F doesn't think she's a threat or anything, before jumping and flapping a little to try and land on 3F's shoulder.
Unfortunately, her claws try to close to get a good grip and dig into 3F's flesh. It immediately shakes her off, backing away and sending Chisa tumbling to the ground. She gives a flap to break her fall a little before folding her wings in to roll so she won't twist or break anything, but the impact is still really unpleasant. For a moment, I'm worried 3F will think of her as some sort of enemy and attack while Chisa is still on the ground.
Thankfully, that doesn't happen and Chisa manages to stand back up, still in one piece. So, landing on its shoulder is no good because Chisa can't get a grip without hurting 3F. What should I do then?
Deciding that all we can do is try, I have Chisa approach 3F one more time. But 3F suddenly acts in a way I never expected. It doesn't just stand and watch. It leans down and holds its arm out. Chisa should be able to get her feet around 3F's forearm without clawing it. So this time, Chisa just walks forward, raising up her feet so that 3F will lower its arm to the ground, and Chisa can step onto it. 3F stands back up, holding its arm out in front of itself so that Chisa is looking right at her.
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"What are you? Will you talk to me?" Its words hold no inflection, but they still make my heart hurt. For 3F, things must be just like how they were for me. Only, it can't even feel bad, can it? Is that even a good thing? Or does that just make it worse?
Chisa gives a squawk, unfortunately not anything 3F can understand. But things are working out. Chisa carefully turns around on 3F's arm. Slowly pivoting one foot at a time, so she can face away from 3F. The she leans forward, pointing with her body. Followed by a look back at 3F. "So I go this way?" it asks, but it's already started walking. Controlling and directing all three of us at once is pretty difficult, but things are coming together. It makes me smile a little.
----------------------------------------
It turns out that at my pace, I end up reaching the North Gate around the same time as Riko. She lies down in a sunny spot along the wall near the gate, while I continue at my incredibly slow walk, through the gate. One of the guards actually comes up to me and asks, "Hey little one, are you alright? Did you get separated from your parents?" Even though he doesn't say anything about them, he can't take his eyes off the bandages covering my limbs and peeking through the collar of my shirt.
"I'm fine," I answer with a sweet smile. I don't even need to fake it, this guard seems really nice to be worrying about me like he is. "I got hurt so I'm not supposed to walk around much. But it's really nice, so I wanted to go sit outside," I explain.
"Ah, alright then. Just be careful out there." He grins and pats me on the head. So I nod happily and walk past.
Through Riko, I can hear the guards talking after I've gone through the gate.
"Ahh, she reminds me of my daughter. I'll have to tell her to be extra careful when I get home."
"Yeah, I'd hate to see little Liza all banged up like that."
"Some people just shouldn't become parents, if they let their kids end up like that..."
"Yeah."
"Definitely." A number of voices join in to agree. Again, back to everyone assuming I have bad parents. If only I was that lucky...
I make it out to the grassy field behind the hill and lie down in the grass. As I thought, even walking that far is a bit difficult. So it's a good thing I took it nice and slow. I'll rest while I wait for 3F, then I should probably wait a little while longer after she goes back. I should have plenty of energy by then. For now, I just wait. But this grass really does feel amazing. I close my eyes and just let myself fall asleep, my mind shifting away from my own body for now.
3F is as obedient and unquestioning as I expected. When Chisa points her head one way, 3F goes that way. I know the layout of the northeast district really well, so I keep them moving toward the North Gate, staying off of the larger roads. They still ends up scaring away dozens of people, but it's not nearly as bad as earlier when it was just wandering down the crowded streets at random. It's definitely worse than it was for me though. It's the size of an adult, and can't easily stay out of sight like I could back then.
As we get closer, I'm still not sure whether I should have Chisa go through the gate with it or not. It'll definitely lead to some weird rumors about rail units and birds, but I have no idea if that could be a problem later. Should I have Chisa point it through the gate, then circle overhead until it's outside? What if it doesn't understand, or thinks that the gate is the destination? I guess I'll play it safe and keep Chisa with 3F for now.
Then the time finally comes. 3F emerges onto North Main Street, not far from the North gate, and Chisa points for it to go on. The guards spot it right away.
"Shit!"
"Is that-?" they all shuffle backward, their backs pressing against the sides of the gate as they stand stiff, like they're stuck in place. 3F walks right past, passing through the gate and out the other side, onto the road leading North. As 3F goes through, I notice that Riko is actually getting a really strong feeling, some sort of unpleasant tingling sensation from the long hairs on her face.
The closer 3F comes, the more powerful the sensation becomes, and the more agitated Riko gets. I have to forcibly stop her from bolting, despite all the warning bells of danger going off in her head. Once 3F passes, the feeling weakens, finally allowing Riko to calm down.
3F keeps walking for a little while before the guards all settle down, about half of them sliding down to sit on the ground.
"Why was that thing here?"
"How should we know?"
"Someone has to report this, right?"
"I have no idea. Do we even have a procedure for something like that?" They all start to talk restlessly.
"Was that thing carrying a bird?" one finally asks.
And then the question I was worried about. "Wait guys! Isn't that little girl out there?" one speaks up.
"Holy shit!" In moments, they're all on their feet, staring at the shrinking back of the rail unit. Riko just stays in her spot, narrowing her eyes at the guards. What I do depends on whether they decide to check on me or not.
"But, it's not like we could do anything, could we?" one asks.
There's a long silence, then, "If I didn't at least try, I wouldn't be able to look my daughter in the eye when I go home." The nice guard from before that talked to me is the one that moves forward. I'm glad he's so nice, but this just makes things harder for me... While the guard approaches, I have Riko watch him from the gate, and Chisa watch from over 3F's shoulder. He keeps a lot of distance from 3F as he goes down the path slowly. He saw me earlier, so he keeps his eyes on the left side of the path as he goes.
Of course, it doesn't take long for 3F to notice it's being followed, but I just have Chisa make it keep going. When they pass by where I am, 3F looks to the side, obviously noticing me in the grass, but I have Chisa flap her wings a little and point her forward one more time. Thankfully, 3F obeys, and continues walking. I have them continue on for a while. I wait for the guard to go out, see me sleeping peacefully in the grass, and visibly sigh with relief before heading back to the gate.
He tells the other guards that I'm safe, just sleeping and that the rail unit is walking off somewhere to the north. Good, I haven't screwed up yet, it seems.
Once 3F has crossed the horizon so that it won't be visible from the gate, Chisa has it turn off to the left, moving so that the hill along that side of the road will block line of sight as it circles back to where I'm sleeping. Before it arrives, I wake up, yawning and stretching a little while I try to prepare myself to talk to it. Except I have no idea what to expect. I guess I'll just ask it outright what it's doing and why.
The only other thing is... do I show it my emotions or not? Well, it's already felt them itself so I guess there isn't much harm in showing them, is there? I exhale, calming myself and wondering if I'm ready.
3F walks up to me. I have Chisa fly off, staying low since the guards saw her with 3F. She goes over to the city wall, perching on the edge for now, where she can see everything, but shouldn't be noticed.
As for myself... "3F..." I say as it stands before me.
"1A, you're alive." It states it like a fact, but I feel like I should say something anyway.
"Yeah, I managed to come back alive." No reason to mention dying here... But I want to get to the important part. "Why have you been wandering around the city?" I ask it outright. There's no need to speak in circles with a rail unit like there is with a human.
"I want to understand you." My eyes widen at its words. It... wants something? It has desires? Even without emotions? Wait wait, even what it wants is shocking, isn't it?!
"Why me?" Then I shake my head. "No, why will wandering the city help?" I'm too flustered, I'm having trouble even coming up with the right questions.
"You always went outside. So I thought if I did what you did, I might be able to feel like you felt."
"Feel like I felt...?" I murmur. "You mean like feelings during the battle?"
"Yes."
"Why do you want to feel like that again?" Everything I felt back then was awful, a mix of fear, terror, and pain. Why would 3F ever want to feel those things again? Unlike any time before, 3F doesn't answer immediately. It stands there, unmoving. It has no facial expression, but it must be trying to think of an answer, so I wait.
When it finally does speak, it's yet another unexpected response. "I don't know." Rail units don't respond like that. Usually they just repeat whatever they have been told related to what is asked of them. To answer like that... "For some reason, I cannot forget those sensations I felt when linked with you. I do not understand why, but I want to feel them again. I cannot explain it."
Ah, I think I finally understand. "By walking around, have you been able to feel any of those feelings again?"
"No." I didn't think so. I'm not really sure, but it sounds like 3F can remember what emotions feel like, but can't actually feel them... And it's acting like it is based on the memories of those emotions. But... what do I do about that? For now, I should explain what I know.
I take a deep breath. "3F, let me explain things. Those things you felt, they're called emotions." I know exactly where it is coming from. I had no idea what any of these things were at first either. "Our manastones stop us from feeling emotions. I only have feelings because mine is broken."
"That's wrong," 3F responds immediately.
"What do you mean?" I ask, not understanding. What's wrong with what I said?
"I can tell. I can definitely feel things, but they aren't the same. They're really weak." It haltingly explains, making it sound like rail units can feel things after all? But how?
"Like what? Umm, what was the strongest feeling you felt?"
3F thinks briefly. "Before the battle, I felt a tight feeling. Like squeezing in my chest."
"Nervousness?" I breathe to myself.
"I can't say anything for sure after the battle started because I could only feel your emotions then, but before using Lilia, I had a tight feeling in my chest. That's called nervousness?" it asks.
"Yeah, it usually comes from when you are not sure about something, or if you think that something bad will happen."
"That makes sense, I thought the battle was going to go very badly. So I felt nervous because of that." Again, 3F shows no inflection, but the words themselves feel like they should carry some.
"So you're saying you do feel things? You do have emotions?" That goes against everything I thought I knew, and everything I've experienced with the other rail units. They never showed any signs of feeling anything at all. Because it linked with me maybe? Could that really cause a change like this?
"Yes, that is what I think. I can feel them if I try, but they are too weak. They don't feel anywhere near as strong as yours did."
"Well, I was really emotional at the time because of the battle, I don't think they're usually supposed to be that strong," I try to explain. Is it that 3F can feel now, but its idea of what emotions should feel like was skewed because of me?
"Is that so?" it asks. "But I get the impression that you have much stronger feelings all the time. For instance, your face keeps changing for some reason. My best guess is that it relates to your emotions. The people outside looked like that too."
"Well, yeah." It came to that conclusion surprisingly fast. "People communicate their emotions with their faces. I had to practice so I could move my face to match my emotions. You can do it too." Then I explain as clearly as I can. "Not showing any emotion on your face is what tells the people that you are a rail unit, and they are scared of rail units for a number of reasons, so they will avoid you until you are able to display emotions on your face."
"Understood." 3F responds immediately. That makes it sound like I was giving it an order...
"Once you do that, they will think you are a person unless you reveal that you are a rail unit to them in some other way." It would have made things a lot easier for me if I'd had someone to explain all of this in the beginning, wouldn't it? "By the way, I have been living with the humans since I left. I have people I know and things that I am doing. Those people would not continue to interact with me if they knew I was a rail unit, so I cannot reveal my connection to the rail unit program. That is why we are meeting here, away from any people. Do you understand?"
"Yes, that makes sense."
"So they do not push me away, do not tell anyone that I have a connection to the program or rail units. Don't tell anyone about us meeting."
"Understood."
"Good." Again, I made it sound like a command, but I'm actually really glad that it agreed to go along with it. Now, is there anything else? I've figured out what is going on with 3F. Having another rail unit wandering the city definitely complicates things... "Oh, the reason I wanted to talk with you today was to find out why you were wandering the city. I heard about it because people who saw you all started to talk to each other about it. So you should practice moving your face to show your emotions as soon as you can, because rumors about rail units cause problems in the city. While you work on it, avoid scaring the people in town, so the rumors will go away."
"Understood." At this point, I feel like I'm just giving it a ton of instructions to follow, but in a way, this could be a good thing. I never had a guide, it took months of random wandering with trial and error to figure every single thing out for myself. I can just tell 3F so that it doesn't need to go through all of the same pain I did.
"To help you out, I'll show you some of the basic expressions people use to show their emotions. Keep practicing them. But not in front of the handlers. I still don't know what they think about rail units that show emotion, and I don't want to find out."
"Understood."
"Well, the easiest to show would be nodding." I say when I realize that they even agree verbally. "When you're talking with people, just do this, moving your head a little, to show you agree to something." I give a slow nod to show it and have it mimic the motion. "Good. Then there's shaking your head if you disagree, or refuse something."
I continue on through the basics like happiness, sadness, and anger, showing it each expression with some explanation about what I've noticed, and how the expressions usually get more exaggerated the stronger the feelings they represent get. It continues to watch and listen intently the entire time. I can see its face twitching just a little bit, so I know it is trying to move to mimic me, but just like how I was at first, 3F doesn't have enough control over its face to really do anything. At least that's the easy part, just practicing to do it for itself. As long as it knows the emotions, what they're called, and at least has my vague descriptions of what they feel like and how to express them, it should be able to blend into society enough to put an end to the rumors pretty quickly.
Then I tell it about the most basic of manners, how it should thank people when they do something for it, and apologize if they do something wrong or inconvenience a person in some way. "Remember, if you see any people who make this gesture, it's called a bow." From my position on the ground, I bend to show it a bow. "I made the mistake of thinking it was a common gesture, but it is only used by people from a far away place, so don't do it." I warn it directly.
"Understood." The response is the same as always, but it nods this time, so that's some progress.
"I think those are all of the basics you should know. They'll make it a lot faster and easier to work out everything else." Once more, it nods. "Now... could you tell me how things have been going? I heard that we won the battle, but I didn't get to see how it went for myself."
"They haven't told us anything about that," it speaks as usual.
"Ah. Then what about the next battle? I think it's supposed to be about two months, uhh, sixty days-" I add since I don't think the rail units usually know about the months, "-after the last battle. So in another thirty eight days, right?"
"Yes, that is what they told us." With that confirmation, I now have a concrete time limit to work under.
"And what about you? How much mana do you have left? Did you sustain any damage?" I can't help but ask after everything 3F did to protect me. I still feel guilty about using them to save myself, especially 8C. A functional rail unit shouldn't have needed to sacrifice itself to save a broken one...
3F manifests its divine gear and says, "I have two thousand five hundred sixty five mana left."
"Only that much?" I ask in disbelief. That means between the two of them, they used almost thirty seven thousand mana to protect me. That's way too much...
"Yes. And I was cut in my shoulder and along my back." It pulls aside its robe to show a gash in its shoulder. It looks like it was really deep, but it has started to heal. I can picture it in my head. That's from when it got slashed with that fan, when it was protecting me from all of those enemies. My hands start to move out automatically.
"C-can I do something to help it heal?" I ask. It's not like I need to hide anything from 3F.
"You can do something like that?" it asks.
"Yeah, let me just..." I get up on my knees to reach up and grab its hand. I'm down to about fifteen percent earth mana right now, but I can make more, so I just push it into 3F. "That should do it, but..." I remember how that enemy felt strangely empty when I tried to pull their mana out. "Give me some time."
3F just stands with the same blank patience all the rail units have, while I try reaching inside it.
"What..." I mutter under my breath. "Empty?" I reach around, but 3F is empty. But I just pushed all that earth mana into it! Where did it go? I try letting go of some of the mana I'm reaching inside with to see what happens, and it is immediately sucked away. I follow, finding that it is absorbed into the manastone buried inside 3F's mana well. It's just like what I saw when I checked 8C's corpse, a huge rock completely filling the well.
However, that isn't all. After a moment, mana starts to come back out of the manastone. Only it isn't my colorless mana anymore. Now there are a bunch of different types. Some are the types I recognize, but there are others I'm not familiar with at all. I quickly follow, feeling them all flow over until I run into a bright thing that can only be 3F's divine gear. So that's how it works? The manastone converts the mana into other types and sends them to the divine gear? I look at its divine gear again. It went up!
"3F, look!" I say. It does as I say.
"My mana went up?" it asks. It's two thousand five hundred sixty six now, so it only increased by one. But this means I can give 3F my mana! Even if I can't use it, 3F can!
"I tried using some mana to heal your wounds, but it looks like it went into your divine gear. So I can't help you heal, but I can give you mana!"
"That's extremely useful," it agrees. "Then I will ask you to give me mana before the next battle," says 3F.
I smile and nod. I have a way to be useful! A way that even I can help! My enthusiasm wavers a little when I remember that I lost most of my mana after the last battle though. If I'd known I could do this back then, things might not have turned out the way they did... No, I can't dwell on that. I can only do what I know how to do. That's why I need to keep learning everything I can. I was never around the rail units when I was learning how to use my mana, so of course I wouldn't know I could do that.
So I shouldn't waste this opportunity. "3F, can you sit down?"
"Ok." It crosses its legs and sits down in the grass. With what I'm about to do, I feel like I should explain. "Because I can't meet rail units very often, I want to use this chance to check your manastone. Is that alright?" It was supposed to be an explanation, but I end up asking for permission out of habit.
"Yes," it responds with another nod. With that said, I crawl into 3F's lap so I can reach its forehead. I touch the manastone beneath its skin and reach inside. As soon as I do, I see again that these are very different than anything else I've seen before. Just like I saw when I briefly looked into 8C's manastone, it's not like a mana well. In fact, it's not like what I've seen in any of the living things I've checked, or like those stones I found exploring the rail unit building either. It isn't full of mana and doesn't forcibly convert mine just by being inside it.
No, instead, it's a big empty space with some sort of mana structure inside.
As I reach out, I remember when I tried this with 8C. With only a few moments to work before the space collapsed, I just desperately felt around inside, but ultimately couldn't make anything of it all. Now I have time.
Without rushing, I feel outward, soon touching the hard structure. Going further, I can feel how it stretches, expanding on and on forever, a seemingly limitless number of little pieces of mana all connected together.
I know I can't comprehend the entire thing, so I just focus in on the parts nearby. There are lots of different mana types embedded inside the structure, the long connections running through a ton of them as it spreads. As I noticed before, when I go further, I feel a number of mana types I'm not familiar with. They're similar to the ones I know, but also different somehow. Like they're more... pure, or more complete in some way. I can't really describe it.
Since I'm not getting anywhere with that, I try following the structures back to the base. I slide down, holding all of my mana to just brush along the solid surfaces until I get all the way to the outer edge once more. At least the structure is close enough to the mana wells I'm familiar with that I can find my way through it.
Strangely, when I get all the way to the end, it turns out that all of the structures I followed end here. Every single one eventually converges down to this one point. And buried inside this one is... I can't really tell. I push inside and try to look as closely as I can. It's... I think it's dark? I'm not really sure since dark mana is so difficult to sense, but I think that's it.
If I start here, is there anything I can figure out? I stretch over the connections to find that there are only ten connections coming directly off of this first point. I briefly trace up a few of them. Some immediately begin to branch out into all sorts of different things, forming some part of the insanely complex work I can't understand, so I give up on those.
But six of the ten catch my attention, because they're short. Really short. Actually... I guess it's just five, because two of the ones that come off immediately merge together. But leaving that aside, the other four follow an immediately apparent pattern.
Each one is made of three parts in a line. An element, followed by two more places where I think there are pieces of dark mana. And that's it. Air, fire, earth, and lightning are all used, but not water. I don't know why that is the only one missing, but these four structures are a lot more simple than the others.
The only remaining one that seems easy enough to follow is made up of five parts instead of three. It has that weird branch and merge part though. Coming off of that very first dark element in the base, it has both a fire and an earth, before the two structures converge again, on a point containing a light element, then another earth, and finally one more dark, I think.
With so few parts, even I can map out these simple structures. But I don't have any way of guessing what they actually do...
If only I had some way of testing things. If I could change the structures and look for any changes in the effects, that would be great. But there is no way I can do that to 3F's manastone. I have absolutely no way of knowing if some random change I make would wind up breaking it. No, doing something like that is way too dangerous. Is there any way I could find some sort of stone I could work with? The only ones I know of are the ones I found in that rail program building. Mana wells also have one spot inside I could try changing I guess, but they don't really seem to be the same... Besides, that would mean running my weird tests on animals. I'm really not fond of the idea. But for now that might be my only option... I guess if it's with animals I'm already going to kill, it might not be too bad, but I still don't like it...
With a long sigh, I pull away and lower my hand from 3F's manastone. Then I explain. "I took a look at your manastone and I found some interesting things, but I don't know what any of it means. I'm going to keep trying to learn what I can." 3F nods. I climb back out of its lap to sit in the grass again. I think that's everything, right? This will probably be my only chance to get any information out of a rail unit before the battle, so I want to be completely sure I don't forget anything.
But no matter how much I think, I can't come up with anything else. I'm pretty sure I've done all I can. Then that only leaves one thing. "Hey 3F, I can't think of anything else I want to ask you or tell you about. Is there anything you want to talk about?" I wait patiently while 3F stares at me, its silence clearly indicating that it is thinking deeply on the question.
"No, I believe you have discussed many things I needed to know to better understand my feelings. I have a plan now." I give a small nod. Having a plan to move forward is a great thing, I'm glad I could provide one. After a few long moments of silence, I'm about to move on, but I feel something from the vague motion of 3F's lips. That indication that it cannot yet control how it wants them to move. Then it speaks up. "...Thank you..." it says quietly. It's slight. So slight I know that no regular person would catch it. It's just a tiny bit softer than 3F's normal speech.
I feel a gentle smile spread over my face all on its own, and I realize something. I stand up before 3F and pet its head. Its hair feels dirty to the touch, but I don't mind it. The feeling that swells up in my chest is so much stronger.
I never had anyone. I have to remember all of the anxiety, all the confusion, and all the pain I felt back then. I have to remember that this rail unit can feel those things, just like I can. I never had anyone, but this rail unit can have me.
It does not need to suffer like I did.
This rail unit has the potential to be like me. The emotions to feel like I do. Like people do. I look into its eyes. I can see the shine of unshed tears. How many weeks has it been searching aimlessly, looking for answers to questions it doesn't even know to ask? Even if it still doesn't understand its own emotions, how much anxiety has it already suffered through, unable to reach those emotions it experienced while connected to me?
I wrap my arms around 3F. I can't reach well since I'm so small, but I just let it rest its head against my chest. It's silent, so I can't quite tell if it's crying or not. Even so, I've already decided. I can't treat 3F like the other rail units. Things are different from how they were in the battle, I can't see it as a tool anymore.
I remember something. It's like what Francis did for me.
"Hey." 3F pulls back as I release my arms. "People have names. Once they'll talk to you, you'll need a name to give them. You're 3F, so..." I move some of the sounds around in my head until I get something. "How does Effy sound?"
"...I like it."
"I'm glad," I respond.
I smile at her.