Book Seven: Reaching Change

Through my deadened, mana damaged perception and unrelenting, if foggy nightmares, I get general impressions from everyone else while I sleep. Bits and pieces.

Chisa keeping an eye on the crowds as everyone slowly settles once the danger has passed.

Myra rushing through the forest to get near the city now that the rail units are all gone.

Our rail units assembling back in town by the ruins of the West Gate, and the handlers eventually herding them back into the northeast district.

Riko spotting Marrianne at the garrison. They're incredibly busy, but let her know that they'll tell Francis she's alright, whenever they have time.

The events slide through my mind in the background while sleep slowly soothes my overwhelming exhaustion. Eventually, it's enough to focus on the nightmares. Enough to pull away from them, back toward consciousness.

My eyes crack open, the slow jostle letting me know I'm being carried. I groan a little.

"Aria?" Beth's voice. My head flops in that direction, I can barely see her through my squinted, dry eyes. I shift a little and all my muscles protest.

"Beth?" I try to ask, but my voice is so hoarse nothing comes out. A gentle hand rubs my head and I try to get my eyes open a little more. It's enough to see her, blond hair bobbing a little as she walks. She... isn't carrying me. I lean my head back a little, it's actually Taylor carrying me. I look back to Beth, trying to ask, but still can't do much to form words. My throat is so dry, it feels rough and gritty and all stuck together.

Still rubbing my head, she starts to explain what's going on. "Everyone went to check on their families after... you know. So we're taking you home." I return a small nod into her palm. Right, that makes sense. Everyone would want to make sure their families are fine. I'm not worried about Emily since I know she was at work- Wait, Emily isn't my family though... She does think of me like her sister, does that count...?

My muddled thoughts trail off, the gentle rocking in Taylor's arms comfortable enough to nearly put me to sleep again. I don't really want to sleep though, those nightmares are going to be a disaster, so I'd rather deal with them at home where I won't bother anyone. I can still see the damage from the crazy stunt I pulled earlier, I know the impossible pain it will put me in if I try to use my mana right now.

So no earth mana for sleeping. Wonderful...

I just lie in Taylor's arms, half dozing as they go. Them being far up in the north end of town worries me, but according to Chisa looking down from above, everyone is in too much shock after the attack to worry much about who is where right now. I mean, they all just saw rail units running around in the city, not much more will shock them today, I guess...

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We arrive at the orphanage a little while later. Beth stands, frowning at the door deeply. Eyebrows drawn far down with visible anger. She takes a number of deep breaths, her expression easing... a little. Then she knocks on the door. It's not long before Mister Fredricson opens it. His gaze crosses over the three of us, then lands on Beth as she is the first to move.

She dips into a curtsy. The way she does it though, how she moves her hands and feet, that's a high class curtsy? "Evening. I am Beth." Rising, she fixes him with a glare and adds, "Aria's personal physician and counselor."

Mister Fredricson's mouth opens slightly, before he snaps it shut again. His eyes flick between Beth and Taylor. He takes a moment, then the tension leaves his face. He turns, just a little, then holds a hand to his chest while dipping his head lower. The way he does it, it looks like he's greeting Taylor rather than Beth. Her gaze hardens on him even further. "Good evening, I am Fredricson, Aria's guardian." He gives an introduction, though they clearly already know him.

At this point, even Taylor frowns at him, making a point of stepping forward and tapping one hand to his chest. I don't know if it's because he's holding me and only has one hand free, but he's doing the lower class greeting, unlike Beth. He actually manages to make the gesture look dismissive as he does it. "I'm Taylor, the doctor's husband." His voice comes with a faint growl to it, causing Mister Fredricson to glance, expression stiff, back to Beth again.

She goes right into it. "This time, she was brought in because she was attacked by a rail unit." That finally gets his undivided attention. "I was asked to bring her home, against my better judgment, because everyone else involved needed to check on their families in the aftermath of the attack."

After a moment of awkward hesitation, Mister Fredricson clears his throat. "I see..." he says, pausing, thinking. I stay quiet, kind of scared by Beth's rage, even if it isn't directed at me. I don't want to interrupt. I don't think I even could. "Thanks for bringing her home," he says gruffly, like he doesn't even want to. He raises his arms to take me from Taylor, but Beth slides between us immediately.

"She needs water. Then, lead us to her room," Beth orders him, barely keeping her voice even at this point.

Mister Fredricson frowns at her. "I hardly think that's necessary."

"I think it is," she shoots back.

"This is ridiculous," he snorts, "give her here."

"You have no right to touch her," Beth growls. Looking back and forth between them, my pulse is starting to race.

"I am her legal guardian." Mister Fredricson asserts, glaring down at her.

Beth stalks forward, right into his face. When she speaks, her voice is dripping with bare, unconcealed hate, "I treated the burns and emotional trauma that you beat into her. You will not touch her in front of me." Mister Fredricson is so much taller, he looms over her. Yet, the way she squares her shoulders, her hands clenching into fists, it looks like she's about to attack him. "Now move," Beth commands.

A long tension stretches. More than a full tick. The way she's trembling, invisible waves of rage pouring from Beth, it becomes clear that she is not going to back down. Mister Fredricson shoots a glance at Taylor, not moving to stop his wife. Finally, he gives, taking a step back.

"Ugh." He doesn't even say anything else, just walking into the house. As we follow, I watch Beth's gaze sweep over everything, walking into the kitchen. Mister Fredricson stands aside, arms crossed unhelpfully, while Beth searches our shelves for a cup, then our water so she can fill it. She has me drink slowly.

It is wonderful. The slow trickle of moisture makes me feel alive again. My throat finally unsticks from itself and I can actually push words past my lips. Mister Fredricson taps his foot impatiently when she goes back and gets a second cup of water. Once I finish both cups, I rest my head on Taylor's arm. I feel like I'm floating, my brain swimming from getting some water back in me after everything that happened earlier.

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With more harsh words from Beth, Mister Fredricson leads us upstairs to my room. He opens the door so they can go inside, but Taylor doesn't even fit between the beds. He passes me off to Beth, who then returns to looking over our beds, hard slabs of wood. I've seen the beds in Eryk's house. I know the comparison she must be drawing.

I don't know how to feel. Shame, at her seeing the state I normally live in? Hard beds and the filthy floor despite my best effort to clean? Or worry, from what I told her today, maybe. The way she grimaces, eyes hard and pained as I move a hand enough to point out my bed, the only one without a blanket.

What must she think? A chosen servant of a god with some important task, living in a place like this? I mean, look how highly Frank thinks of me just because I was blessed. I can hardly even imagine what she must be thinking... Beyond wanting to bite off Mister Fredricson's head. That at least is written clearly in every expression, every movement of her body.

She sets me down on my bed, slowly and gently. She puts a hand to my head, fingers tracing my hair lightly. "Come back for your checkup on Shanaday, alright?"

"Ok," I croak back at her through my sore throat. Then she turns and goes. I hear more muddled, angry words through the door after it closes, but I can't make any of it out. Lying in bed is starting to put me back to sleep too. My eyelids begin to droop. Sleep threatens, the thought alone panicking me enough to wake somewhat. Enough to painfully shuffle myself to the edge of the bed and grab a bundle of cloth from underneath. I slide back from the edge a little, stuffing the cloth into my mouth like I used to.

So much for relying on earth mana to sleep.

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My awful, nightmare interrupted rest eventually comes to an end when Emily gets home. This time, portions of the battle overlap with the enemy rail units rampaging through town, killing everyone I've ever known. I keep telling myself that won't happen. That's what us rail units are here for, to stop that, to protect them. We did stop them today. We protected everyone.

But it could still happen.

Then Emily returns. She rushes into the room, sliding down onto the bed next to me. "Aria, I met John. He told me what happened!" There's a small clatter as she sets down the bowl of food in her hands, clambering over me on the bed. Looking me over closely. "He said you were at the West Gate."

"What?!" A sudden shout comes from our roommates. I didn't even realize they were there. A glance reveals that it's just Mary and Helen. Eve and Jannette have already gone downstairs for dinner.

Emily's head snaps up to them. She fumbles for words, then, "Do you two... do you know the story?" She steals a glance at me, guilt in her eyes. She knows the story isn't totally true. Not for me at least.

Mary nods slightly. Helen says, "Y-yeah, I just heard it earlier. I think the big kids are telling everyone. You know, after what happened..." They press forward again, faces full of worry. "So, you don't mean, you weren't there, were you? When it happened?"

"Yeah." I answer. Speaking still hurts, and there really isn't much I can say.

"So you actually saw? Like, you really saw the... rail units?" Mary's last words drop to a whisper. "You saw them... fight?"

"Yeah."

Helen jumps in. Staring into the distance as she talks. "I was out in the forest, but I heard it. It sounded like... Like... I don't even know. The forest was shaking. When I got back, everything was just... gone."

Mary gives a trembling nod."Yeah, I had to climb through the rubble to get back into town. There were guards everywhere. And nobles too, I think. I've never seen anything like it..." There's no way I can respond. All that destruction, but why? Why did they suddenly launch a sneak attack like that? I thought we always went out to meet them in battle. Why did they do this now? I don't understand. What changed?

Wait, didn't she say that nobles were talking to the guards? Wouldn't they ask Frank how he scrambled everyone and evacuated as early as he did? I barely keep myself from groaning as I rest my head on the hard bed and stare at the ceiling. I hadn't considered that at all. Frank is terrible at keeping secrets. What is he going to tell them? At least I didn't show him my mark...

The girls stare at me for a while, but they look too scared to ask any more questions, any of the specifics of the things I saw. Eventually, they head down for dinner.

Once we're alone, I tell Emily. She lies down, arms around each other so I can whisper in her ear, quiet enough so no one can hear us, even if they tried to eavesdrop at our door.

I tell her everything. How Brom, Maven, and the others spotted the rail units. How I had to protect everyone, warn everyone. The message to the program. Frank, Minarike, Effy. Meeting Marrianne again. All of it. With a trembling voice, I mutter to her how I told them about my mark.

And how I can't use my mana right now.

The damage left over from holding too much, letting it rip me to shreds inside because I didn't have the time. I don't even regret it. If I'd gone any slower, taken any more time, the damage to the town would have been many times worse than it was. Without Effy to defend against the enemies, all of us in the area when the battle started would be dead.

Still... I look inside, deathly careful not to try manipulating any of my mana while I examine my barrier. It's as hard to describe as ever. An outer wall that separates me from everything outside, but without any true shape, it's too uncertain and murky to really put good words to.

It does make me realize something else though. As I watch, I can see the mana coming in - from wherever it comes from - trying refill my well, slipping away instead, out through the massive, shredded holes in my barrier. Wherever that mana comes from, it's not able to make it to my well properly because of the extreme damage.

It's just like after the battle, I realize. So losing mana like that is caused by overstressing myself by trying to hold too much mana at once and damaging my barrier. Sure, there was probably damage from dying at the time too, but... well, now I know that there's more to it than just pain. Another thing to avoid doing wrong in the future, not that I really intended to do it before...

I keep talking, telling Emily everything so she knows what happened. It's a good thing I'm whispering, my throat aches terribly and talking more loudly would just end in painful, hacking coughs after a while.

Emily listens quietly all the way to the end. Once I tell her I'm finished, that I think that's everything, she keeps thinking for a little while.

Then she squeezes a little tighter and says, "I'm just glad you're ok."

We stay like that for a bit before she releases the pressure with a shuddering breath. "Still, you're crazy. You know that, right? If anything had gone differently, it could have destroyed your life. Or you might have actually died. You ran toward enemy rail units."

"I had to," I respond. "They were going to attack the city. They would destroy everything. People would have died. Marrianne would have died."

"Yeah..." She rubs the back of my head. "I think you did the right thing. I just hate that you had to."

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't there this whole program? And the military? Why were you the only one that saw this coming?"

"Because this isn't supposed to happen," I whisper back, voice dropping even lower. "Rail units can't fight in cities."

"Can't?"

I shake my head a little. "Ok, not can't. We shouldn't. You didn't see it, did you? Chisa watched. Effy did everything she could to protect the town and they still destroyed everything within two or three blocks of the wall. If she hadn't been there... What I'm saying is we're way too destructive to fight inside towns. We're supposed to fight out there, far away. On the battlefield, where everything is already dead. There shouldn't be sneak attacks like this, not against towns."

Then another bit of memory catches my attention. "Actually... Rail units aren't supposed to attack regular people, remember? What they did goes directly against Rostor's will. I don't get it, why would they do something like that? If I hadn't done anything, those rail units would have killed a lot of people. Not even soldiers, just... ordinary humans..."

Emily sighs lightly. "If you don't get it, how should I?"

We lie together a while longer. I close my eyes and think to myself.

I... have no idea...