The next week is awful. And strange. And awful.

Mainly, there's the cleanup. It's hard to say who's really in charge or how it's being planned, but every day, there are a ton of people going around, clearing away the rubble. It's honestly shocking how quickly the big sections of stone get hauled off, just outside of town, while the wood is collected, probably for burning or something. Tons of broken bits of everything imaginable take longer, scattered all over from the explosions, but day in and day out, there are people collecting, salvaging, and trashing things, dumping what can't be used in few deep pits outside town, selling and reusing anything that they can.

Then there's the construction. Whole groups of men spending long days working on buildings and some even starting work on the city wall. There isn't much to show for it within the week, but the speed everyone gets to rebuilding is amazing. From what I hear from Emily, she's swamped at work every day, though I can't say for sure if that's actually related.

On the downside... it seems like everyone has lost their minds. Before, no one paid much mind to religion, but now all of a sudden, half the town is going on about how wonderful the gods are for protecting us all the time, Saras in particular. I even see a symbol start appearing here and there. It looks sort of like a bird, so it's probably the mark of Saras. For what, protection? Offerings or something?

So what, the only time they care is when they think one has done something for them? The thought doesn't help my sour mood. Especially because it reminds me of Reena.

The other thing that really doesn't help are the bodies. Of course I didn't think things through. Like they said in church, there were still casualties. Out in the forest, killed by the enemy rail units coming in to hide their approach, or in the fighting as they retreated. No way to tell really, not that it matters. They're still dead.

With the deaths, come new children at the orphanage. I don't see them myself, but I overhear mention of them around the house. A boy and a couple girls, all younger than ten.

I try to tell myself it's not my fault. I did everything I could. I still don't want to see them.

Mostly, I hear things from my roommates, because I try not to leave my room much. Being around too many people is painful. The stimulation too much for my battered self, my slowly healing barrier.

If that was all, self-serving religious people and the the cleanup from the attack, it wouldn't be quite so terrible. No, the problem is that the fighting between rail units out in the forest stirred up the stuff living deep inside. Dangerous animals... and monsters. Maven and the other hobins spend most of the week in their burrow, relying on their ridiculous food stores to wait it out. Emily doesn't dare go into the forest to hunt.

People start to return to town injured, or carrying bodies. Some animals, some people. Around the middle of the week, a few men are brought to the garrison, poisoned by a monster. When Riko tells me, I ask John to carry a letter to the garrison while I'm on lunch break, to let him know I can't help, I'm too hurt after everything that happened.

For her part, Riko brushes past the men to at least see if the poison is that nasty mana that she would be able to cure. When it isn't, I try not to pay attention to anything going on there for the rest of the day.

The men die.

The reports of injuries and missing people increase. I ask Myra to help in the forest. Go after any animals or monsters that seem too dangerous, or get too close to the town. Practically beg her, but she stops me and says she'll do it without the begging. Something about showing them their place, but I think she actually wants to help too. She enjoys the fighting, but given the circumstances, she tries not to be too obvious about it.

It helps, but the forest is huge and there's only one of her. Despite her endless slaying of dangerous creatures, the rest continue on, all stirred up and more aggressive than ever. Some go as far as attacking people on the road, or go after the construction crews at the edge of town. The guards are already stretched thin, rumors of increasing crime whispered all around. But they set up a defensive line anyway, keeping watch and killing or pushing back the dangerous things that come out.

Chisa only spots them a few times during the attacks. All sorts of things. Great hulking creatures, sizes and shapes I've never seen before. Smaller stuff, all claws and teeth. Some working in packs, others all on their own. And those are just the animals, the monsters are far, far worse. Hooked shaped and bent limbs, spikes, spines, strange forms that I can't identify, that don't look natural. I try not to look at them too closely, but a few of their forms surface from time to time in my nightmares anyway.

I had no idea the peace we were used to in town was so fragile. That a single spark like this could turn everything on its head. Fill the town with a constant undercurrent of worried tension. Maybe that's why everyone's clinging to the gods all of a sudden?

As for me, I can't do anything but watch from the side, the few things I'd learned to do despite being broken, no longer available to me. Even if they were, what could I realistically do to help with so many problems at once? I'm just one broken rail unit.

Then it's on Firoday when we hear that kids from the orphanage have gone missing in the forest. The day after, another child. One of the new girls.

I try not to listen. This isn't my fault.

It's not my fault.

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Despite the tension in the streets and the awful events unfolding all around, my week at least appears to continue as usual. I go to my lessons, and to work. Go home and sleep. Just like normal.

In reality, my studies immediately come to a grinding... not quite halt. On Arcaday, I see Claire again. When the topic of missing my afternoon lessons comes up, all she can do is shrug it off. With everything that happened, missing part of one lesson isn't that strange.

When I tell her that I was involved, that I got... injured, sort of, she purses her lips. I expected her to ask more. What was I doing there? How did I get there? What happened? Maybe she can tell how nervous I am talking about it, because she just drops the topic and moves on.

My lessons move forward as before. Much, much more slowly now. I'm tired all the time. I have no water mana, no extra help remembering every little thing she teaches, so she needs to keep going over material to keep it fresh.

But the far more intrusive problem is my injuries. Just focusing on her lessons are painful. Thinking, learning, memorizing things hurts. In ways I can't even describe. Can't fully comprehend.

It's amazing how understanding Claire is. She teaches and teaches until I can't take it anymore, lets me curl into a ball on the floor from the pain and nausea and searing headaches that come with it. John even lays out some blankets for me so it's a little less awful. When I manage to recover, we continue. Progress is slow and agonizing, but I force my way forward again. I will learn everything I can. I promised that to myself, so I do it. Even if I have to torture myself in the process.

We barely make it to through the alphabet by the end of the week, the last eight letters, and a few vocabulary words to go with them.

For work, Eryk basically says I don't have to do anything until I'm healed, they can keep working on the lightning energy generating thing themselves. Him and Patrick, I guess. I don't actually know who is involved or much about what they're doing. Rather than working or going out to play, I end up spending all of my time meditating, just to pass the time without as much exhaustion and pain.

Then it's off to home for the night. Where I spend even more time meditating because sleep is pure agony, the nightmares triggering impossible pains so bad they're almost unbearable. I hardly get any each night, my mind slowly but surely moving toward shut-down. Emily has to drag me upstairs most nights, force me to lie down and close my eyes. Get up with me when the nightmares kick me back awake, all terror and pain and blaring headaches. I do manage to figure out one thing on a particularly sleepless night. Days are eight thousand six hundred forty ticks long in total. Not that I can figure out why that matters at all in my brain-dead state.

This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it

On the bright side, because thankfully there is a bright side, I'm actually starting to feel a little better after a week. The injuries are healing, the gaping, shredded holes in my barrier coming back together. It doesn't hurt as much. The constant ache is still there, but it isn't like grinding fire shrieking through my entire body when I simply move wrong or think too much anymore.

Then it's Shanaday again, and we're back in church. Just as packed as it was last week. Maybe more.

The head priest speaks. I'm not even sure if he's really talking about the gods that much this week. I mean, it's all about how they love us and protect us, but it comes off more like he's trying to lift everyone's spirits. Like the whole speech is more about us than it is about the gods.

I'm not sure how to feel about that right now.

Then they come with the divine totem. I've been thinking about it all day. Do I talk to Reena? Try again? See if she has anything more to say now? But I don't. I'm still mad, hurt by her betrayal. Still feel bitter. After talking with Beth, I've put off thinking about it. All it does is dredge up more awful emotions, cause more pain and sickness. It makes thinking about her painful, so I just don't think about her. At least, not intentionally. It doesn't help when random things remind me of her, bring her back to mind, stabs of anger and more formless pain.

Instead I've been wondering, should I go to another god? Talk to them instead? Baro maybe? From what I've heard, he sounds nice. Maybe he'll... I don't know. What do I even want? Why am I approaching any of the gods in the first place? What do I want from them? Why do I want something from them?

None of it makes sense.

I touch the totem, allow the connections to sit there, and don't focus on any of them. Why should I care about the gods at all? No prayers, no conversations, I'm not interested. After the required pause, I remove my hand and the priest carries on.

Then it's off to my counseling session with Beth. I don't know, it doesn't feel like it accomplishes much. I just go on and on about all of the awful things happening in town and how my lessons aren't going well and I can't focus, how everything hurts and I haven't been sleeping... By the time I'm done, both Beth and Emily just look even more worried. For her part, Beth asks if my injuries have been healing and assures me things will get better. I'll feel so much better once I'm healed again. Once I'm not in constant pain.

I wonder if she's right.

Please, please let her be right.

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It's the next morning, during my lessons, that I suddenly ask Claire a question. It just pops into my head, something I'd sort of been thinking about all last week. I blurt it out completely at random, without even meaning to, as it enters my mind, cutting Claire off in the middle of an explanation about proper sentence structure.

"What do you think about Reena?"

She pauses, mid-word. It takes a moment for my fumbling brain to even realize that I just interrupted her, and start working toward an apology. But the way she purses her lips and looks me over stops me. She takes in my strung out form, unfocused eyes from a week of sleep deprivation, squinting from a mounting headache. And then I keep rambling.

"No, that's not- I mean... People only go to the gods when they want something. And you said something about freedom of religion a couple weeks ago at church... And, and I've been, uhh, praying, but everything is getting worse, and I don't even know if it's right - I mean going to the gods for help. But then I got, I got into a fight with, uhh, a friend, I guess, and I don't know, but..." I end up trailing off when none of my broken chain of half-related thoughts and worries seems to amount to any sort of actual question.

Claire sits, considering for a few long, long moments. I just lower my head, embarrassed that I brought this up at all. Then she speaks again. "Religion is a tricky subject. Humans can be... unpleasant creatures sometimes. Selfish, even the best of people." She closes her eyes with a light sigh. "I've seen it too in town. One favor from Saras and everyone wants a piece for themselves. It's... difficult to explain why, especially to someone so young." She pauses again, clearly trying to think of a way to put it anyway.

Her words come slowly, each spoken with careful purpose. "When you get older, the world gets smaller. You get locked into obligations. Jobs, relationships, families. Certain things are expected of you. The older you get, the more restrictions you find placed on you. You start to feel trapped. When that happens, you will reach out, desperately, to anyone or anything that you think might offer some help. Any help, really. For most people, the gods offer that sort of comfort and protection. Supremely powerful beings that could theoretically come and sweep away all of life's problems." I listen to her explanation, forcing myself to take it in as best I can. Trying to understand. I kind of think I get it.

"Aria, why do you think people only started praying just recently? Why don't they do it all the time?" Claire poses the question.

I have to close my eyes and take steady breaths just to come up with the easy answer. "Because the gods don't bless commoners?"

She nods, but answers, "Yes and no. Yes, because that is the generally held sentiment among the people. No, because it isn't actually true."

"It isn't?"

"Not really, no. It's just rare enough that people forget. The general public has an unfortunately short memory. It takes an event like that to remind people that the gods are there and will help, but within a matter of months, maybe a year, the 'common wisdom' people are accustomed to will reassert itself." I wince, trying to take in and puzzle out the difficult words. "It is... an unfortunate artifact- a leftover piece -" she clarifies the strange word, "-from the founding of Melphira. Part of the culture. If you were to travel to other countries, you would find they are much more religious, without the need for incidents to remind them. But that dips into cultural studies. We'll get to those later, when you're in better shape to learn about such things." She can clearly see how difficult even following this conversation is for me, so I'm kind of grateful she doesn't go off on that track right now.

"As for the actual blessings and aid the gods provide... You mentioned praying, and how things aren't getting better anyway. The reason is a sad but simple truth. The gods are not all powerful. As much as some people like to act as if they are, they can't just solve all problems for everyone. When you read through literature about them and what they do, it's clear that the world just doesn't work like that."

She points that out, but I definitely recall it being mentioned before. I know they aren't all powerful. So... why does it sort of feel like they are? Just because they're so far above us that the distinction between godly powerful and all powerful doesn't really mean much anymore?

After a short breath, she goes on. "Instead, they offer blessings here and there, aid wherever they are needed most, wherever they are able. That's likely why the common wisdom of them not blessing commoners persists. Because for the most part, the gods focus on the bigger picture, aiding entire cities or regions. Usually, that is a much better way of doing the most good, rather than focusing on individuals." Right, that all fits with what I've heard before.

"In order for a god to bless a single person, rather than focusing their attention on entire groups, that would have to be a very important person. Perhaps a high noble who themselves offers the opportunity to aid many more. A king or queen perhaps, able to influence an entire country at once." I blink. That part is new. All of Reena's words come back to me, all at once. Why me? Why was she so invested in me?

She pauses as I push away those worries, but doesn't appear to notice my inner conflict. Instead, she rolls her head to the side just a bit and clarifies something. "Well, at least that is the most popular theory based on all of the theology texts I've read. But I am inclined to believe it myself. All of the evidence I've seen supports the theory."

Claire clears her throat quietly. "Now... you also mentioned Reena, freedom of religion, and getting into a fight with a friend." She lists them while counting off on her fingers. "I suppose over religious differences? If you are a follower of Reena, I suppose that isn't too surprising. You are aware of her reputation, yes?" she asks with the faintest trace of a wince, and I nod lightly. She's pretty off-base from just pulling together the things I mentioned, but I can't clarify that my fight was with Reena, so I just listen for now.

"There isn't much I can say to the religious aspect apart from stressing how important it is to be understanding of others and respecting their religious beliefs." She shrugs just a bit as she speaks. "Of course if you follow Reena, I doubt that was the issue." She doesn't say it, but the implied 'it was probably the other way around,' comes through loud and clear. Especially after those remarks from that priest. "As for this friend of yours, my biggest piece of advice: do not do anything specifically to spite that friend's beliefs. Acting out of spite is an ugly thing and if you do manage to make up with your friend later, you will feel extremely guilty about it. It is always better to keep acting true to your own beliefs, rather than simply opposing others. Does that make sense?"

I think about it. Slow enough that it doesn't hurt too badly. Actually, I do get it. It applies perfectly to my last fight with Reena. Doing things to spite her just made everything worse. Even if she betrayed me, it might be possible to make up in the future somehow. There's no reason to go out of my way to spite her. I nod slowly, telling myself not to make the same mistake again.

"I think I understand. Thank you for answering my questions."

She levels me with a smile. "You're very welcome."

From there, our lessons continue as usual.