“You seem like you hold inappropriate feelings for Lady Blanche.”
Noah heard those words without a warning. As he froze in place, his heart skipped a beat. For a moment, he didn't know what to say before he turned around. “Your Majesty, if you speak about matters like this, people may misunderstand. How could I, a mere knight, dare to have any personal feelings for my masters?” As he spoke, his heart thumped in his chest with such force that he feared that others would have to hear. Still, he tried to maintain his composure.
Seraphina Estien, the empress of Artias, was currently in the middle of inspecting her room in the summer mansion, where she would spend the next two months. They were alone with her maids here, so nothing should have led to her suddenly addressing that topic. They hadn't even spoken about Lady Blanche, so why should the empress suddenly have thought about her? Noah found this more than odd.
Why was she asking this? Did she truly wish to know? Or was this some kind of trap? After all, Her Majesty didn't care for Lady Blanche much. The women had a bad relationship, so it made sense for her to hate that her guard might enjoy the baroness' presence.
Even when he rejected it outright, it seemed like Her Majesty was well aware that he was lying. She watched his expression far too carefully and replied too quickly. “I may be unable to read your mind, but I am not blind, Sir Aldis. I do not mean to pry into your matters, but your interest in Lady Blanche is quite apparent. I will not speak about whether I believe that those feelings surpass platonic ones, but I am asking you to keep an eye on your own emotions. It would be troublesome for you if this developed any further.”
Troublesome for Noah? Or annoying for Her Majesty because she despised the other woman?
At this point, there wasn't a single person in the palace that didn't know about the rivalry between Lady Blanche and Her Majesty. They had always been opposing forces due to their positions, and it seemed like a personal dislike had been added into the mix as well. Just a few months ago, Noah had been convinced that both women might not be treating one another too well, with the empress judging the baroness overly harshly and Lady Blanche purposefully causing problems for Her Majesty. Now that he had more information, he was a bit skeptical about who held the blame though.
Right after the last assassination attempt on His Majesty, Noah had been called to the emperor's office. There, he had heard a quite upsetting story, one about an empress who might be willing to frame her husband's lover for a crime just to be rid of her. He remembered His Majesty's warning to this day. The emperor hadn't been joking.
Seraphina Estien might be a threat to Lady Blanche. So, hearing her speak about the baroness was nauseating. Noah didn't trust her in the slightest.
But of course, Noah didn't tell her that. He just showed Her Majesty a serious expression while he replied. “I sincerely thank you for your concern, but it is not needed. While I did speak to Lady Blanche a few times and found our conversations pleasant, I would never dare to harbor any special feelings for her.” That was what he needed to remember. Lady Blanche was not only a noble he had to protect, but she was also his master's lover. He could never see her as more than this. But seemingly, he hadn't hidden his emotions well.
It didn't take long until Clarissa, one of Her Majesty's maids, who happened to be the most vocal about her dislike for the baroness, complained again. “Why would you even like Lady Blanche? That woman doesn't have a single good trait.” She sounded so hateful for no reason. If she had ever spoken to Lady Blanche properly, she would know that the other woman was nothing but kind.
Noah hadn't met her often, but he had gotten to know Lady Blanche enough. It was embarrassing, but Noah had fallen for her because of a mere compliment. When Lady Blanche had said that she felt safe in his presence, he had just melted. He was well aware that this wasn't anything like true love. It was just a small infatuation that didn't run too deep and would probably fade soon. He had merely never experienced this odd feeling of just being excited whenever he had a chance to speak to Lady Blanche before. That was why this felt so overwhelming even when he knew that he might have fallen for any other person if they had complimented him first.
But the fact that he found Lady Blanche kind and gentle wasn't something he needed to be ashamed of. It was his duty as a royal guard to protect her, so he could do that without questioning himself.
Noah turned to the maid and furrowed his brows slightly as he addressed her. “You seem to be quite judgmental of other people. That is not a pleasant trait to have either. I believed that His Majesty already reminded you not to treat Lady Blanche with such disdain.”
Just a few days ago, His Majesty had indeed scolded Clarissa, and the memory made her clench her jaw. As usual when the maid was asked about this topic, she got defensive. “Why do you take her side so quickly?”
Noah didn't mind giving a response to this at all. “It should be easy to understand. Lady Blanche is not only a baroness, she is also an inhabitant of the royal palace. As a royal knight, it is my utmost duty to protect her. Whether you care for her personally should not matter when it comes to how respectfully you treat her.”
Clarissa just became more upset, but she had no chance to reply.
Her Majesty already stopped drinking tea and interrupted. “I think this is enough. I did not mean to begin a long conversation about Lady Blanche. Let us move on to another subject.”
And like usual, her maids listened.
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Noah was probably the only one questioning the empress here. Was he fully convinced that she intended to harm Lady Blanche and plotted behind her back? Not necessarily. After all, he had never seen Her Majesty do anything hurtful nor had she ordered her maids to cause trouble. But Noah trusted His Majesty's words. To him, this made Seraphina Estien an enemy he would have to keep his eyes on. So, he wondered whether she had just addressed the topic of Lady Blanche upon noticing how Noah interacted with her or whether she had known that this quarrel would develop and had caused it on purpose.
Usually, accusing others of having vile intentions just because they spoke about something Noah didn't understand was wrong. But in this case, even the emperor had warned him about that person's schemes. It would be best to stay on guard.
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Noah's view of the empress didn't change much during the next few days. He only truly began forming a personal opinion slowly as he saw her interact with her maids. To Noah, it seemed like Her Majesty always kept a slight difference in behavior with even her closest acquaintances. She did not treat her maids badly, but it seemed like she never forgot that they were her subordinates.
That was not necessarily a bad thing. After all, it was a fact that the maids did work for her and acted as her servants first and friends second. Since Seraphina Estien had always been in a quite high rank and had probably not interacted with many people that were more powerful than she was, it had also been expected.
Yet, it made Noah even more aware. While Her Majesty never began to speak about Lady Blanche badly, she rarely interrupted her maids when they did. It seemed like she agreed with them enough not to chastise them for it. She only stopped such conversations when Noah asked the maids to hold back or when others listened.
And these days, her maids often badmouthed Lady Blanche. It might have been because their current vacation mostly left Her Majesty alone while His Majesty spent time with his lover.
In the past, the empress had usually stayed far away whenever the couple had appeared together, most likely since watching them was unpleasant to her as she held no positive feelings for either of them. That made it even stranger when she didn't seem to take another route to avoid them as they took a walk at the beach and climbed up the big hill near the sea. Noah had to admit that the view was pleasant, but he would favor enjoying it when they were here alone. At the moment, His Majesty and Lady Blanche were on the hill though. They had made themselves comfortable by the swing at the big tree on the hilltop and kissed there while seeming like the world around them faded.
Anyone else would have left them alone. Her Majesty stubbornly wandered up the hill and explored the cliff area a bit.
Noah was worried about her accidentally falling, but he was also confused as to why they were here. This meeting was nothing they should disturb, so it felt strange to stay here. Yet, he found his gaze wandering to the couple. He had to admit that he found Lady Blanche beautiful, even more so than before, now that her smile seemed brighter again. Seeing her spending time with His Majesty was enough to calm Noah knowing that she was happy and seemed content with her life.
But just as he watched the couple from afar, Her Majesty spoke. Her voice was a bit too serious. “As you can see, she holds no affection for anyone but the man she truly loves. He monopolizes her attention as well.” When Noah turned to her, she looked right at him, almost seeming like she wished to read his mind.
Noah found that quite unpleasant. He put in more effort to hide his feelings as he replied. “I am aware.” Everyone within the palace was aware that Lady Blanche's love belonged to His Majesty and that he doted on her in return. Why was there a need to address this?
As if she planned to ignore his confusion, Her Majesty began walking again. She slowly distanced herself from the swing and walked by the edge of the cliff to watch the sea below them. She only began to speak to him a moment later. “I merely wished to remind you so that you will not forget. As long as you keep this in mind and do not develop any unrealistic hopes or foolish desires, maybe it would be possible for you to go through this without being hurt too much.” She spoke about his personal feelings for Lady Blanche again.
Of course, Noah understood immediately. How could he not be able to guess when he only held such confusing feelings for one person? He didn't like that Her Majesty spoke about this. He believed that his feelings only concerned him and possibly the person they were aimed at. No one else had to ask questions or accuse him of anything. And while he had no right to tell the empress to stop speaking about this, Noah didn't hold back and addressed it quickly. “Your Majesty, I can see why you would believe that my feelings for Lady Blanche are of that nature. But as I said, I am merely fond of her like I am fond of the colleagues I train with. I do not plan on getting closer to Lady Blanche nor would I feel any selfish desires that are connected to her.”
But Her Majesty still refused to give up. She didn't hide her thought process as she glanced at him and then turned away. “If you wish to insist on that, I will not call it by name. But I believe that it would be best for you to be honest with yourself. Should you reject the truth, I will almost expect you to be hurt because of that. From now on, you should speak to her less. You should not look at Lady Blanche too often nor should you expect to create a connection to her. The more you interact with her, the more your feelings may blossom. I presume you wish to prevent that too.” That almost sounded like she wished to keep him away from Lady Blanche.
Noah had expected Her Majesty to speak about this, but he truly hadn't thought that she would try to give him orders about what he should do in the future. Noah furrowed his brows and replied before even being able to hold back his initial thought. “With all due respect, Your Majesty, this is not something that would require you to worry about it. Whether I hold personal feelings for Lady Blanche or not should not be your concern. Likewise, you should not wish to decide whom I meet with. My free time...” Which he already barely had any of because he had to keep an eye on the empress. “Will be under my own jurisdiction.”
He only realized that he wasn't sure whether Her Majesty would like it when people talked back after.
It barely took a few seconds before the empress slowed down. Then she stopped and turned to Noah. “Sir Aldis, am I right to assume that you do not wish to accept my advice? That is your choice, but I would ask you to reconsider. To me, it does not change much whether you develop unrequited feelings or not, but please do keep in mind that it will only pain you should you be disappointed later. That is why I would suggest limiting the time you spend with Lady Blanche.” Now she was saying that again. Did she really think he would accept this as helpful advice?
Noah usually never got upset with people, but he found himself being quite unwell in this regard. He didn't like that the empress wished to make such decisions for him. Even if he did fall for Lady Blanche and suffered because of it, that was his own life. Not something Her Majesty could meddle with. He couldn't even stay quiet about that. “I may be Your Majesty's guard, but that does not require you to be involved in my personal matters. I understand your concerns, but allow me to focus on those issues myself.” Noah only noticed that he had just told the empress to stay out of his matters quite impolitely. He doubted that this had been a good idea. He quickly tried to fix it as he bowed his head. “I apologize. I was disrespectful just now. It will not happen again.”
Her Majesty didn't get angry. She just turned and began walking forward again. “No, I understand why you would feel like I am meddling with your privacy when I should not. But I can assure you that I am not doing this because I wish to upset you. Instead, I am trying to help. I doubt that it would help you if you had a more personal connection to Lady Blanche. After all, she will never be able to return those feelings. That is all.” She didn't speak up again after that either.
Noah wasn't certain what to make out of this. Was the empress truly concerned about him being hurt because of this? Or was she upset because one of the most promising knights in the palace favored another master over her? Was it that? His Majesty had said that it was possible that the empress might try to pull Noah to her side with many compliments. Noah was uncertain whether this was the case here, but he tried to keep it in mind anyway. No matter what, he would have his guard up around Her Majesty. Then it would probably be fine.
Regarding his feelings for Lady Blanche... He was sure that those would fade quickly. Until then, he just had to ignore them.