Blanche took a while until she composed herself. She could barely believe that Theodore didn't blame her for being tricked by Sefare, but it seemed to be true. This meant that she could drop the topic now, but she needed to discuss some things with him. She sniffled a few times before beginning. “Then... Everything is fine now?”
Theodore pressed a kiss to her forehead before he replied in a hurry. “Yes. Everything will definitely be fine no matter what. That's why you can relax completely.” He gave her another kiss before he led his hands to hers to hold them while he looked at her with an emotion she didn't like. “Please never worry about my love like that again. And don't ask me for forgiveness. Never. I don't ever want to see you plead with me like that. I will always listen to you, so you can freely talk to me and don't have to fear that I would ignore you.” He sounded a bit too desperate while telling her that.
Blanche was quick to nod in response. “Okay. Thank you.” She closed her eyes for a moment and just let him hold her as a wave of relief welled up inside her. The villainess had sat in that cell while begging Theodore to give her a single second to explain, but that wouldn't happen now. Her lover was listening to her, and he believed that she had never wanted to hurt him. That made her so happy that her chest hurt. Yet, there were some things they needed to address. Blanche breathed in deeply again before beginning while doing her best to pronounce everything as clearly as possible. “Where is it? The letter, I mean. Did you keep it?”
Theodore shook his head. “I burned it right in front of you. I don't know if you remember, but we sat down at the fireplace and cuddled while talking about the ball. At the same time, that piece of paper was being reduced to nothing but ashes. I wanted to make sure that no one else ever found it and tried to use it against you, so I decided to get rid of it. I'm sorry for not telling you about that. In the end, I went through your personal items and destroyed something without asking you. I'm really sorry.”
The concubine's heart was beating so quickly that she thought that it might stop soon. But she could barely pay attention to that when all she cared about was her lover being next to her. He was holding her like before. He hadn't changed how he was treating her. And now she could finally forget about the huge fear in the back of her mind that had made her wonder whether she would be able to escape the chains of her role as the enemy's pawn. But now it was fine. Theodore knew, and he didn't care. He even tried to apologize to her for reading that letter. She squeezed him and pulled their interlocked hands to her chest. “You don't have to apologize when you are the one that forgave me. You are wonderful. You are the most wonderful person I ever met. I love you so much.” Now more tears were spilling out again and rolling down her face.
The emperor stifled her sobs by kissing her again. He tightly held onto her hand while resting his other arm around her waist. When he released her this time, there were tears in his eyes as well. “Believe me, I'm not that wonderful. I regret so much. I did so many things that I will never forgive myself for. But not this time. I won't do anything that could hurt you ever again. I will gladly sacrifice everything to protect you if it becomes necessary. But as long as it hasn't come that far, I will work hard for our future together. Nothing bad will happen anymore. Nothing like in...your nightmares. I will never let that happen.” Theodore leaned forward and rested his face in the crook of her neck. He ran his fingers through her hair and gently kissed her skin. Then was silent for a moment, in which she almost wanted to speak up to tell him not to address this today when they already had to speak about so much, before resuming. “There is another reason why I knew. It's connected to the secret that I keep delaying. Please give me a little more time.”
Blanche was taken aback by that. She had never left any traces aside from this letter. Or had she been careless enough to do something that would make him notice like how she had revealed her fake amnesia? Maybe she had a vague idea, but this wasn't something she could endure today. Blanche's mind was in a whirl already, and even a single word about all the things she didn't want to know at all would break her right now. They had enough time. So, she didn't need to think about that answer for now.
“Of course.” Blanche nodded while looking at her lover through a curtain of tears. She blinked a few times before cuddling into him and stroking over the back of his head. “I will wait until you are ready. And then I can tell you everything too. But...I want to speak about my past now already. There is no need for me to wait anymore.”
Theodore lifted his head to give her a faint smile. “If you feel like you want to tell me now, I will listen.”
Blanche nodded with as much vigor as she could. She wanted to share all of this with him when she was already at this point. “I want to tell you. I only need a moment.” If she knew that he wouldn't hate her, she was happy to reveal everything. She would cry while talking about her family, she knew that. But she would cry anyway, so she might as well do it now while she was already in the middle of sobbing. She wanted to get this off her chest. Blanche wanted to let her lover know so that no one else could approach him and tell him lies about her. She could finally explain everything.
Blanche tightened her grip on his hand as she put her other hand on top of his and leaned her head against his chest so that she could listen to his heartbeat. That helped her calm down a bit. She took a deep breath while preparing herself to speak about everything in her past that still hurt her until this day. It would be horrible to go through all of this in her memory, but she would feel better afterward.
“My real name is Blanche Laister.” It sounded so odd to hear the full version after such a long time of living with only her first name. “I was born as a commoner in the capital twenty-two, almost twenty-three, years ago. My father was a rich merchant, so we...my father, my mother, my two younger siblings and I...could live comfortably. We were happy together, and I love them very much.” She wanted to talk about them so much longer, but she couldn't do it. Even voicing their names would make her break down completely.
Theodore gently ran his fingers over her head, but he didn't say anything to rush her. He gave her the time she needed to calm down again.
Blanche sank in herself and closed her eyes for a moment. Right now, she needed to explain how she had come here. She could tell him about her family as often as she wanted in the future. Then she might be prepared to do it without sobbing the whole time, but now she would have to skip that part even though she hated herself for it. After all, she needed to be able to speak to continue. The concubine took a few deep breaths before resuming. “When I was eighteen, my father messed up. He traded with people from Northern Ocrea. You know what happens when something like that is revealed. We were sent to prison. All of us, even the twins. They were ten.”
Her lover tensed at that and paused his movements for a second before continuing to stroke over her hair. “I'm sorry. Something like that won't happen again. I'll make sure of it.”
Blanche was taken aback by his sudden interjection. She showed him a little smile, but it was more to fool herself. “It would be nice if you could change that law.” If he could do it, she would be forever grateful, so she really hoped that he would. Pondering that didn't bring her family back, but it could help others, and that was more than doing nothing would gain them. The concubine sniffled and let go of her lover's hand to wipe some tears away from her face before holding him again. “We spent a few weeks in prison, but nothing happened. We even hoped that we would be released, but then the order for the execution came. We had no date, but we knew that it would happen. But then a guard dropped a key because he pitied us. It wasn't for all of us though. It was only for my chains. You can't imagine how long I refused to leave, but my parents begged me to go. In the end, I ran away.”
Blanche closed her eyes again. She still hated herself for that day. She had had another chance to help her family, but she had failed miserably by falling right into their enemies' trap.
This time, she took about a minute before being able to move on. “I went into the city and tried to ask people for help. I wanted to find someone rich, who could afford to bribe the prison's owner to release my family. The first person I ran into was Marquess Julien Sefare. What a coincidence.” She stared into the distance as she remembered that man's expression upon seeing her in her thin dress with bare feet as she was running through the city.
That monster hadn't been surprised. He had waited for her.
No matter how much Blanche tried to swallow it, the bitterness in her voice was clearly audible when she continued. “I didn't know back then, but I'm sure that he bribed the guard to free me so that he could use me as a puppet for his vile plots. He took me home with him and acted like he cared for me. I told him my story, and he promised to help. The next day, he visited the prison. He came back and told me that he had gotten there too late.” She let out a sob at that before swallowing the ones that threatened to follow.
She was full of grief. Of course, she was. But right now, her wrath was just as great. She wanted to resume her story to make sure that her lover knew that she had always been on his side, but she also wanted to explain why she hated Sefare this much despite being blind to the truth before.
So, Blanche used up all of her self-control before moving forward in her story. “Sefare took me in afterward. He taught me about the very basics of etiquette before stopping at some point when he decided that me being naive might work better for him. I completely believed him when he said that he cared for me like a daughter and that he only wanted the best for me. So, I went along with everything he told me. I thought that he was so kind to help a useless little girl and enjoyed living without anything to do in a big mansion. Of course, he isn't a good person though. He had another goal in mind.” She swallowed as the memories from her time at Sefare's estate filled her mind. She had given her best to choke down all of them before this day since remembering that she had cared for someone that wanted to kill Theodore made her sick. But she had to resume now since the most important part would follow now.
Her lover seemed to notice her reluctance and began patting her head while rubbing small circles into her back. “We can take a break if you want to.”
She shook her head. “No, it's... It's important for you to hear this.” She wiped over her face and rubbed her nose before forcing herself to continue. “One day, he brought me a portrait.” She gave him a weak smile. “It depicted you. He asked whether I knew who you were. I didn't. Then he took his time to explain that you were the most important man in this whole nation and reminded me of how wonderful you were. He was rather good at making you seem like you were a personified god. And then he began talking about the palace. About how beautiful it was, how big the garden was and how many people were working here. He hinted at how wonderful it would be to live there but dropped the subject. But he didn't stop there. He added something similar each day, and he got more insistent. Until he suddenly began talking about me winning you over. About how I would just have to act innocent and dependent on you. About how you might...”
She felt embarrassed. She had back felt the same then, and now she was even more humiliated because she would have to repeat it.
Blanche's voice was barely audible when she reached that point. “That you might...take me to...bed and that you would have to...take responsibility afterward. I didn't like the idea of suddenly trying to blackmail some person I didn't even know, especially since Sefare had explained how powerful you were before. But he didn't let me talk back. He got mad when I explained that I could just stay with him. He yelled at me and said that he couldn't let me live with him forever. Then he lied about being in debt because of me and claimed that I owed him for taking me in. He only noticed that this wouldn't get him far when I started crying. And then he used another tactic. He began saying how I could live like a princess if you liked me. He casually mentioned that a few times and listed all the things one could do with money and influence. At some point, he even said that I could become empress if I did it right.”
This narrative has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. If you see it on Amazon, please report it.
Oh, how bitter that memory was.
Blanche pressed her lips into a thin line and averted her eyes. “I was so stupid back then. I thought being royalty meant being rich and living without worries or needing to work. So, I liked that idea. Maybe I also wanted to make him proud or pay him back, as he had said it. Or maybe I adored the thought of love like in a fairy tale in which the prince always falls for a young girl with commoner origins with nothing to return to. After a short while, Sefare managed to convince me. That was just in time for your birthday.” Blanche sniffled for a moment and closed her eyes. She felt dirty while explaining this. She had acted so selfishly back then, and admitting it embarrassed her. Blanche couldn't risk seeing anything like disgust in her lover's gaze now, or she might curl up in herself to hide without being able to speak for the rest of the day.
She doubted that Theodore would actually look at her like that, but she didn't dare check.
Blanche just continued quietly. “The bench in his carriage was hollow. He made me crawl into a box and hid me inside. He smuggled me into the palace like this. I don't know how he did that. I just remember that he had some servants carry me into the garden. There, he let me out and brought me to the pavilion. At first, I was staring at the surroundings in awe, but he suddenly said that he would leave. Then he explained how I should wait there for you and cry when you came. I got nervous and said that this was a horrible idea. I asked what would happen if you arrested me for breaking into the royal estate. He said that I would have to win you over and that you might execute me otherwise. Then he threatened me and told me to stay quiet about anything regarding him and to claim to have amnesia. He said that I had to make you look at me at least for a while. If I did that, he would step up and offer to take care of me when you would ask the guests if anyone knew me. And then he left me alone.” Even though that had been two years ago, Blanche could still remember exactly how she had felt back then, so it wasn't hard to find the words to describe it. Keeping herself from crying was the more complicated part. “I was scared of a guard finding and attacking me. Scared of the emperor possibly executing me and scared of Sefare not taking me in again. I remembered my family then and asked myself if...going with them might not have been better.”
Before she could continue, Theodore spoke up in a hoarse voice. “No. It wouldn't have been better. You would have died along with them. How could that have helped anyone? That you are alive is the most wonderful thing in this world. You are my world. So, please don't ever think like that.”
She opened her eyes and looked at him. Tears were rolling down his face too. She lifted her hand to gently wipe them away. “I don't think that anymore. I haven't ever since I met you and found a place where I belong.” She paused for a moment and let her lover take her hand in his. “I was in the pavilion for only a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity. Then footsteps sounded. I got even more scared and cried harder. And then you came into the pavilion. I looked up to see you and...forgot everything. The portrait had looked exactly like you, with you only being a little older than in the painting that day. But it was completely different. I froze and stared at you while my mind was completely blank. You looked at me too, and everything around us seemed to fade. Owen must have been there too, but I didn't see or hear him for a while.”
Theodore gave her a little smile as he rubbed over her cheek to dry off her tears. “He was there. Owen said that he yelled at me to be careful back then. It's hard to imagine, but he swore that he had pulled his sword and asked me to stay back. I didn't hear him either. I didn't notice anything about that because I could only focus on you. It seems like we were both captured by love that moment.”
Blanche nodded with as much vigor as she could. “I fell for you that second. From the very moment that you stepped inside, I only thought about you. For a while, we just stared at each other, and then you came to me. I wasn't scared anymore and still was unable to tear my gaze away. And you knelt down next to me and began consoling me. But you weren't like Sefare, who had only done that to gain something from me in return. You wiped away my tears just like you are doing it now and told me that everything was fine. I was so enchanted by you that I forgot to cry. When you asked for my name, I tripped over my tongue a dozen times. I was so close to telling you everything, and only the fear of me being punished or thrown onto the streets made me hold back.” She closed her mouth and took a deep breath before resuming.
The worst part was already behind her. Now she only had to wrap it up.
“So, I told the lie that Sefare had instructed me to use. I said that I had amnesia and remembered nothing but my first name. When you promised to take me in, I almost died from happiness. No one had expected that. Even Sefare had believed that he would have to adopt me to bring me closer to you. But he managed to avoid the trouble that would be connected to taking in a random girl no one knew and letting her live with him without a mother. So, he was probably happy. I was too. After all, I didn't have to be scared of being sent away anymore.”
Theodore nodded at her with a serious expression and ran his fingers through her hair. “You still don't. You never will either. You belong here, right by my side. And this palace belongs to you as much as it belongs to me.”
Just months ago, Blanche could have never believed that he was serious about this, but she knew that he was. And for some reason, those impudent claims of a mere baroness possessing half of the royal palace calmed her more than it should. But she wasn't done with her story. Not yet. “Thank you. There is still something that I need to tell you though.”
As before, the emperor was way too calm as he cradled her head to pull her against him. “I'm listening.” He really wasn't mad. He wasn't judging her either.
Blanche could barely believe her luck. She nuzzled her face into him and began explaining the last part. “I wrote letters to him each month. Stella brought them to a tree outside the royal estate and picked up the replies from there too. I gave Sefare a summary of what was going on, and he praised me in return. He said he would make me empress, and I was naive enough to believe it. I thought that becoming your wife and keeping your fiancée away would be wonderful. Even after the wedding, I trusted him. But of course, making me a member of the royal family or doing something for my happiness wasn't their goal at all. They wanted to use me to kill you because you trusted me.” She lowered her gaze to the bed. “I only noticed way too late. When I finally started understanding that they were your enemies and wanted to make way for Cedar, I was already caught up in their web of lies. I knew that they could have ruined everything by telling you about me, but...I couldn't even pretend to be on their side when I knew that they would try to make me murder you.”
Theodore showed her a little smile in return, but he didn't speak to let her continue.
Blanche did just that. “So, I wrote that letter. I wanted to give it to Sefare to avoid pulling attention to the fact that I was interacting with him. But he wasn't at the first ball this year. At the empress' birthday party, Stella was supposed to hand that letter to him, but then I collapsed, and she stopped. She put the letter back, and I forgot to burn it. Apparently, you took care of that though.” She slowly looked up again and let her lover caress her cheek. “I tried to avoid Sefare after that. But because I didn't send letters anymore, he noticed and confronted me. He somehow came into the labyrinth and met me there. Then I told him the truth and that I wouldn't ever help them. He got mad and threatened me but only ran away in the end. I had found the hole in the wall a bit earlier, and so, I guessed that he had used it. I asked you to close it because of that.”
Theodore's face scrunched up. He cupped her cheeks and pulled her a bit closer to him. “You met him? Why did you do something that dangerous? You couldn't have known whether he would snap and attack you! There weren't any guards in the labyrinth for sure. What were you thinking?” Of all the things he could be upset about, this one was what worried him most.
Blanche felt a small smile tugging at her lips as she looked up at him. “I needed to make sure that he understood that I was on your side. And taking someone along with me would have risked them telling you about it. I was more scared of that than about anything else apart from...” Apart from the novel's ending. She cut herself off just in time.
But Theodore didn't let her end it there. “Apart from what?”
The concubine averted her eyes, which was hard to do when her lover was directly in front of her and stared right into her soul. She would have liked to keep silent about this, but she had no choice. So, she whispered in a barely audible volume. “Apart from you leaving me. But that isn't an issue anymore either.”
Theodore gritted his teeth and showed her a pained expression before pulling her closer to him to wrap his arms around her. “Of course, it's not an issue. You don't ever have to worry about anything like that again. I couldn't even let you go if you wanted me to. I am far too selfish for that. And I fully trust you. I will never be mad at you, even if you did something bad. But you didn't do anything that would be worth being angry about. You trusted the man that saved your life and let you live with him for two years. That is only natural. And when he started manipulating you, you had no chance to refuse. I don't know what he would have done if you hadn't done what he demanded. I'm so happy that you came here. Because I can protect you from those people now.”
It was incredibly relieving. Blanche had finally told her lover about the last secret, aside from the novel, that had separated the two of them. And still, he didn't look at her with hatred. There only was adoration in his gaze, no matter how long she stared at him.
Theodore put one of his hands on the backside of her head and gently guided her closer to make her lean against him. “Why did you ever think that I would blame you for that?”
Blanche didn't know what to respond with first. There were so many reasons that she could list immediately. “Because I helped your enemies and because I was sent here to get close to you. Because I was naive and stupid and thought that I could live like a fairy tale princess by being kind to you. Because I saw you as the emperor and not as your own person before meeting you. Because I was supposed to be a way to blackmail you after manipulating you so that you'd touch me. And because I didn't tell you even after I figured out that they were against you.” Because the villainess had been trialed just for this.
Her lover gently drew patterns into her back as he whispered in her ear. “Then let me promise you that none of that would have ever upset me. You weren't even a legal adult when you lost your family. There was no reason for you to distrust the person that helped you and to refuse luxury when it was offered to you. That you were scared to tell me is my fault. I should have asked about your past as soon as I noticed that you didn't have amnesia. I had guessed that someone brought you here purposefully, but I never cared about that. If I told you, you wouldn't have been scared for so long. They probably threatened you with revealing your past to me too, didn't they? And it was my fault for not erasing that fear, even though I should have expected that you were struggling. Instead of consoling you openly, I only tried to keep you safe secretly, and that was stupid of me.”
The concubine slowly lifted her head to look at him with a questioning gaze. “Did you do anything aside from burning the letter?”
Theodore was silent for a moment and tensed. He took a while before answering while bowing his head to her. “I'm sorry. After finding that letter, I had Leon investigate the matter. I wanted to know how you had come into contact with Sefare and guessed that you were a distant relative. But Leon found the documents about your family rather quickly. I went through them a few times soon after. And that only proved that you were suddenly put in a position that you shouldn't have been forced into. Even back then, before I saw the whole picture, I trusted you, but I wanted to make sure that I knew about your background. I needed to be able to protect you from Sefare after all. Because it was clear that he wouldn't be happy to let you go with all of his secrets. I'm truly sorry.”
He had known already. That explained why he was so calm now, even though she had revealed so much. But she didn't feel even a little anger or disappointment upon hearing such news. She only felt euphoria. Her lover had known ever since the empress' birthday. That had been months ago, and still, he had treated her with so much love that he couldn't have been hiding his rage. He truly didn't mind.
Blanche felt tears welling up in her eyes as she buried her face in his chest. “I love you, and you still love me too.” She couldn't bring out anything else, but it was enough.
Theodore used more force to keep her in his embrace now. “Always. I will always love you. No matter what. And I know that you love me as well.”
The concubine nodded as well as she could before finally allowing herself to give in. She didn't need to fight against her tears anymore and let them run over her face freely. She knew that she would take a while before being able to stop again, but she didn't care. Not when Theodore was there to hold her.
Her lover didn't let go of her once and consoled her the whole time. They had to have been like this for hours, but he never grew tired of reassuring her that he adored her and would never be upset because of her past. And she couldn't hear it often enough.
And that was the point at which Blanche dared to speak about her family. It wrecked her, of course, but it also let her relieve a weight that had pressured her for years. As she spoke about Nelly and Noel's constant teasing, her father's love for board games and his careless approach to life as well as her mother's calm and calculative nature that had held together the rest of the playful family, Blanche felt like love was just flowing out of her. She was grieving so much too, but just being able to talk about the people she had loved so much filled her with joy she hadn't experienced in so long.
By the end, she and Theodore were lying in bed in silence while cuddling with each other. It felt like Blanche was finally free now that she didn't have to expect anyone to spill her secrets anymore. Theodore knew everything about her, except for the part about the novel. Still, he was on her side, which made her believe that he would stay with her no matter what. Their enemies couldn't threaten her with revealing her past anymore because her lover didn't hate her for it. This was perfect.
At this moment, she was filled with bliss and could think about nothing else.