“Did you hear about...about me allegedly killing my father?” As Theodore said that, he sounded too uncertain.
It made her guess the truth already.
Blanche remembered how proudly Cedar had revealed a secret to her while claiming that the rumors about his brother killing their father weren't just rumors. Maybe he hadn't lied back then. But it didn't change anything. Blanche lifted her head despite her lover clearly favoring to avert his eyes. She showed him a bright smile and raked her fingers through his hair. “I heard it. Cedar also tried to convince me that that wasn't a rumor once.”
Theodore tensed for a moment before he forced himself to relax. Still, his hold on her tightened unwillingly. “I should have expected that. What did you...” He almost didn't dare to finish that sentence. “What did you say to him?”
She continued to smile at him while caressing his head. “I said that I wouldn't listen to him. And that I know that you would never do anything to hurt another person purposefully if there wasn't a good reason. I explained that this would be your story to tell and not his. He was extremely disappointed by my lack of a negative reaction.”
Her lover kept quiet for a few seconds before a little smile spread on his lips. “You defend me without a fail. No one ever did that. Well, maybe Leon did, but he just says that what I do isn't illegal most of the time. His moral standards are a bit different from the ones of most people. I used to think that he was too brutal, but now I feel like I got worse than he is. And that is necessary to-” He cut himself off as his smile died. “I'm trying to change the topic, did you notice that?”
Blanche carefully ran her fingers over his skin and pressed a kiss onto the scar on his shoulder. “You can take your time. We could also delay this if you don't want to talk about it now.”
Theodore shook his head. “No. I want to tell you. I wanted to do it for a while now, but I hate talking about it. Because it feels like I keep justifying it. I feel like it wasn't wrong of me to do it, but at the same time, I did something horrible.”
The concubine gently drew small patterns onto his chest while keeping her eyes on his face. “You had a reason, right? You didn't do it with bad intentions. Then it can't be horrible at all. I will listen to the whole story.”
Theodore nodded and took another deep breath. He stared at the ceiling for a moment before beginning in a shaky voice. “My father was a good emperor. He lived to govern his nation and worked hard to ensure everyone's well-being. But he was a terrible husband and father. As you know, he completely ignored the dowager empress most of the time unless it came to public events or needing an heir. That woman deserved it, but no one else did. Father also ignored their emotions though. He cared about Althea a lot, but even that was selfish to some extent. He neglected her to take care of work and only visited her when he was absolutely sure that he had nothing else to do anymore while he never helped her when the dowager empress insulted or hit her. The one who suffered the most under his personality was Cedar. I don't think our father ever paid attention to him for longer than a minute even when there was a reason for it. He didn't even intervene when my brother was covered in scars due to his harsh sword training and his unstable mother. I'm not sure whether Father secretly cared. He certainly didn't show it in that case, and that was awful.”
Blanche could imagine. She had heard this part of the story often enough. To her, Theodore's father was a neglectful parent that had ruined the lives of both of his sons even when she had never met him. Not only Theodore's words made her believe this, but this confirmation made her more certain. She didn't interrupt though and just listened.
Theodore sighed quietly before resuming. “But that isn't what the important part here is. My father wasn't as loving as he could have been toward me either. He cared a bit more and spent time with me, but he was so focused on his rank that he couldn't push his duties aside no matter what. Father just saw me as the future ruler of Artias and allowed nothing more. He mentored me and gave me lessons, but aside from that, he didn't...seem to know how to show affection. Still, he was my idol in some way, and I clung to him while being eager to learn.”
His voice alone gave away that something unpleasant would follow in the narration now.
Theodore paused and focused on breathing for a while. He then met his lover's gaze and gave her a sad smile. “So, he couldn't hide it for long when he got sick. At first, it was just something that occasionally made him tired, and he had to lie down for a few days to recover fully. That was fine because I already took over some of his duties back then. But it became worse with every day without us noticing it. As I explained to Prince Linden, Ocrea's king seems to have the same illness. Now we have a cure, but seven years ago, we didn't have access to that medical knowledge. When we did find some medicine that helped, it was already too late. My father was in more pain every day. Both Mother and the dowager empress cried the whole time. Cedar was somewhat dejected too but probably just because his mother didn't even speak to him anymore. That time was hard for me too.”
Blanche already guessed what would happen now. She unwillingly tensed as she held her lover tighter. “I can imagine. That was hard on all of you.”
Theodore let out a dry chuckle. “Of course. But my father's only concern was that he couldn't rule the nation like this anymore. I think he got sick of the pain too, but he didn't want to admit it. So, he prepared everything to make me take over. And one day, he had signed all the documents to ensure that no one could misunderstand his will. Then he called me to him with no one else there. You can imagine what happened. He asked me to kill him.” He scanned his lover's expression and carefully resumed in a quieter voice. “He wanted me to use the pillow to suffocate him. I wanted to release him from his pain, but I couldn't do it by myself. I asked him whether he was absolutely certain or whether we should try out another kind of medicine about a hundred times. His answer always remained the same. He was sure, and he wanted me to be the one to do it. So, I obeyed, but I refused to use my own hands. I researched similar cases and found a poison that kills fast without any pain. I put that into his drink to prevent any servants from being accused of treason. He immediately drank, and he fell asleep soon.”
The silence that followed said it all.
Blanche quickly began stroking over her lover's hand, but of course, this helped little.
Theodore paused for a moment as if he tried to distract himself for a bit before continuing. His voice was a bit stronger now. “Only a handful of his personal servants knew, and I later confessed the truth to my mother, Althea. She told me that I had done the right thing since he had asked this of me and hugged me because she wanted to ease my mind. I also told the dowager empress and Cedar. My brother didn't care much. He already knew. Of course, he did. He always seemed to know what was going on behind his back. He had even warned me not to share the truth with his mother, but I was so foolish and...” He paused and forced himself to resume a moment later. “I hoped that we could fix everything. That we could get along as members of the royal family in some way. I also felt guilty for killing her husband, so I wanted Camille to know what had happened despite Cedar's request to do the opposite. That woman almost killed me at that moment. She yelled at me for being a murderer and a power-hungry tyrant that is incapable of love. She...wanted to attack me, and Cedar stepped in. Then she even hurt him and said horrible things about him needing to kill me if he wanted her to even look at him anymore. That was the day she made him swear that he would kill me. I want to say that he didn't mean it when he agreed, but I'm not sure.”
His hands were shaking even more now, even as Blanche tried to hold them tightly.
Theodore tried to hide it, but that event seemed to have scarred him. He stared into the distance as if he remembered what had happened and saw it in front of his inner eye. “She didn't stop until she was dragged away by guards and confined in her room. I think Cedar was bleeding because she had scratched his face with her fingernails, but he just had that empty smile on his face as he asked for permission to take care of his mother. He didn't change much that day. But Camille... Ever since then, she hated me even more than she already hated me from the very beginning. And I still don't know how to feel about it. I don't know if I'm the good one here or whether the dowager empress is right about me being too calm about that incident. I did feel guilty, but I never regretted my choice. After all, I had seen how much Father suffered for the past year before that. For him, death was probably a relief, and that is why he asked me to end his life.” He stayed quiet after that and looked into his lover's eyes as if he expected anger or disgust.
But Blanche only gazed at him with determination. She cupped his face with her hands and began speaking in a slow and steady voice. “You just answered all of your questions yourself. He asked for it because he was suffering. You didn't make it worse, you helped him. You even asked him whether he was sure multiple times. This was his choice. He was more horrible for asking his son to do something like this. He could have ordered anyone else to help him, but he chose the simplest option and approached you.” She could swear that someone had told her about that while calling the former emperor a coward. But few people would have been daring enough to do so, right? Maybe she was just imagining it. “I can understand why your father would want death after suffering for so long, but that doesn't make it any less cruel for you. But you did the right thing. If you don't feel bad, that's perfect because you shouldn't blame yourself for fulfilling his wish. If you do feel bad, I will do the same thing Althea did and hug you until you feel better.”
Theodore looked at her for a moment before a little smile spread on his lips. “I shouldn't have worried about telling you this. You're with me as always, and you even say the exact things I want to hear. I don't feel guilty about the incident back then, which is why I was worried for so long. Now I'm at ease with my decision. Can I still get a hug?”
Blanche was hugging him already, but she let go of him to raise her arms in an exaggerated motion before putting them around him again. “I will always hug you when you want me to. If it makes both of us happy, it's perfect. Let's see how long I can keep my arms like this without getting a cramp.”
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Her lover returned the embrace and gently stroked over her head. “Thank you. I like this a lot, so you will have to hold on for a while. But you can relax your arms a bit.”
The concubine only tightened her hold on him. “Not yet. I still need to show you how much I love you. That is going to take a while.” She slowly lifted her head even though the muscles in her neck were protesting. Then she began spreading kisses all over the spots of his body she could reach. By the time she finished, her neck ached, and she gave up in favor of leaning it onto him again. A small yawn escaped her before she could prevent it.
Theodore chuckled at that and carefully brushed his fingers over her eyelids to close her eyes. “You can do that while you are sleeping too. You always cling to me whether you are conscious or not, you know? Just having you lie on top of me or next to me is enough to show me how close we are to each other. That means that you don't have to force yourself to stay awake. I know that you're tired.”
Blanche shook her head despite the both of them knowing that he was right. “I'm fine. I don't want to leave you alone. I will stay awake until you fall asleep. We didn't leave our bed yesterday, so I can be awake for a bit longer than normal.” She opened her eyes and fought the urge to close them again.
Her lover just coaxed her into closing them as he whispered into her ear. “You won't leave me alone. You are right here. I can feel your heartbeat and your chest moving while you inhale. I feel your warm breath too and can hear the small noises you make when you move around. Everything is fine. Give yourself the rest you deserve after enduring my constant teasing yesterday. I made sure to exhaust you, so you don't have to hold back.”
She had wanted to stay awake, but she felt drowsy. It became harder to keep her eyes open with each second. Still, she stubbornly lifted her head again and looked at him. “I know. But I want to hold back. Because I don't want you to feel like you are alone.” She had to pause to yawn again. One look at the clock proved that she would definitely not make it until this evening if she was so tired before it was even six o'clock. Maybe she should try to sleep a little after all. She looked to her lover again. “Do you really not want to sleep a little longer too?”
Theodore remained stubborn as well. “I will stay up for a bit longer. Don't worry about me. You will lie in my arms and calm me the whole time. Playing with your hair is the best distraction. Believe me. I'm fine now.”
The concubine still wanted to refuse. But she obviously didn't have much of a choice left. She was too exhausted, and her eyes fell shut whenever she didn't pay attention. Slowly, she gave in and let her head rest on his lover's chest while closing her eyes. “Alright. Good night. Don't let go of me while I sleep.” She barely heard his reply before she already drifted off into unconsciousness. Though, she understood the meaning anyway.
“I won't. I will never let you go.”
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Theodore always took his promises seriously. He seemed to want to prove that he wouldn't ever let go of his lover during the next days without fault. He always had his hand close to hers in one way or the other. That didn't bother Blanche much though. Instead, she enjoyed his affection and was happy to return an equal share to him.
The days in the palace were calm and quiet as always except for when Angelica and Darlene used nearly every chance to cuddle, which caused Stella to playfully complain. The concubine was content with their current life and favored the calm days much more than the ones that were full of trouble. She had heard that their enemies weren't in such a good mood right now though.
Apparently, Theodore had used quite a few tricks to put the less influential supporters of his mother into checkmate. Sefare had been proclaimed dead, which meant that he also couldn't help the second prince's faction anymore either.
The dowager empress herself had to fight countless rumors regarding the incident during Blanche's birthday. Many questioned why it had been necessary for her to try to tear apart a young woman in public without knowing the full story. The nobles were doubting what she had been thinking since Camille had made a courthouse out of a ballroom. This seemed to have dented her reputation more than anyone had previously thought. Surely, Theodore had gotten involved here.
The Vasquez family had been the emperor's greatest victim though. It seemed like they had some problems with money all of a sudden after Theodore had closed down many of their shops and coincidentally revealed some debts of the household. Along with his promise that he would ruin Claude within a year, this had to scare every member of that household a lot. That was why it wasn't surprising that Duke Vasquez had asked for an audience, which would happen today.
Naturally, the emperor had prepared some things to upset the duke in return and had gone all out with ideas of how to provoke the other man. Normally, that would be an interesting incident, and Blanche would be happy to hear about how Claude was shocked once again. But since she was involved in this plan, she didn't like it as much as she should have.
Right now, Blanche was standing in front of their room and was about to make her way to the ballroom, where Duke Vasquez should already be talking to Theodore. At least she was supposed to go there, but she had to admit that she was fighting herself. It was too embarrassing to walk through the corridors in her fancy attire. There was no official event being held right now, so everyone that saw her would believe that she was eccentric. She shouldn't worry about that too much, but she couldn't bring herself to stop.
By now, even her maids were encouraging her. Stella repeated the same thing for the hundredth time. “My Lady, you look beautiful! There is no need to be shy. You also wore this attire during your birthday ball, and you looked astonishing, right? Not wearing it now would be a shame when you finally get to punish that old man for daring to offend you.”
Blanche was indeed wearing the same attire since Theodore had asked her for it. But that was the problem. She was wearing a ballgown in the middle of a normal day, and it was in the royal colors nonetheless. In addition, she also had the tiara, which made everything a hundred times worse. Appearing in front of Duke Vasquez like this was bad enough, but she already knew how many servants would see her while she walked there. The looks she was getting right now were already making her avert her eyes. It was too embarrassing.
“Stella. Have you compared my normal attires to this one once? I'm dressed up like some princess that is in the middle of her coronation. But today isn't anything special, so everyone has to think that I completely snapped and that I am narcissistic or something like that. They don't know about the plan, so they will misunderstand and believe that I want others to notice me.”
Stella immediately shook her head. “Since when is wearing pretty things a crime? You are always gorgeous, so they will never stop staring at you. Besides, how could the servants tell you what you can dress in? You can just put on the things you like.”
Darlene watched that exchange with crossed arms. She scanned her mistress' attire skeptically before shrugging. “You always wear extravagant dresses. Did you never notice that? There isn't a single person that will complain about that. I think everyone already likes calling you the secret empress of this nation.”
Oh, no.
A cold shiver ran down Blanche's spine at that. “What? Could you please repeat that?” She almost trembled already.
Angelica gave her lover a scolding look before returning her attention to her mistress. “Please do not take those words too seriously. Among the staff, there are some people who really like you. You're very kind to the servants and actually visit the kitchen to do something with your own hands and share the result. That you never look down on the servants and treat them like equals while you are there also made them change their minds. After finding out that you are a commoner, they only love you more. So, this nickname isn't an insult but some kind of praise. Of course, no one will tell Her Majesty, and everyone is careful to keep silent in front of our superiors.”
The concubine blinked at her maids a few times and almost wanted to let herself fall against the wall. “So, you are telling me that they call me the secret empress? That is completely ridiculous.” Especially since no one here seemed to understand how odd this statement actually was. Along with Theodore's insane plan, which he hadn't even hidden anymore since calling her his empress, this only served to worry her more. “There is absolutely nothing that qualifies me to be the most powerful woman in the nation.” Not that this would keep her from gaining that position soon.
Darlene raised her eyebrows at that. “Excuse me? Right now, you are doing more ‘empress things’ than Her Majesty. You work on His Majesty's documents with him, spend every minute with him, accompany him during events and dress more like royalty than Her Majesty does. You also wear the same ring as His Majesty, share his room and bed, will carry his children and the next heir and discuss political topics with the emperor's advisor. That sounds very much like the things the empress usually takes care of. The biggest proof was him making your birthday party so grand and escorting you while placing you on the empress' throne. You hosted the evening from there, which certainly is something the so-called most powerful woman in the nation usually does.” The biggest issue about this was that it wasn't wrong.
Blanche was doing all of those things. It seemed like no one in the palace cared to complain though. That realization made everything worse. The only person that seemed to worry was Blanche after all, which was a bit humiliating. “That's awful.” Why did it seem like Theodore would succeed with his foolish plan?
Stella made a rejecting movement with her hand. “It's not that bad. The servants like it that way and almost use the nickname in an affectionate way. I think it became even more widespread after you got three attendants like the empress traditionally has while His Majesty still didn't give Her Majesty a replacement for the dirty traitor. The gossip about you actually living in His Majesty's room made it more fun to joke too, you know? Because all of your clothes are stored there, and that your old room is vacant also proved that you are now officially sharing his chambers. Obviously, that you two are wearing the same ring as His Majesty also added to that joke.”
The concubine almost sighed at that. “Great.” But she still couldn't do anything about it. She wouldn't give up some of her intimacy with Theodore just to keep some rumors at bay. She wasn't that selfless anymore. Hopefully, Seraphina wouldn't be bothered too much by the gossip during her last weeks here. But in the end, Blanche couldn't change it anymore and just trusted that the empress would generously ignore what was going on around her.
And like always, Blanche's thoughts seemed to take on their own form.
Blanche heard the sound of a door opening and glanced in that direction, only to spot people coming out of the room of the very person she had just been thinking about. That announced that the empress herself would follow her attendants soon. Just a while ago, the concubine might have gotten nervous because of this, but now she only sighed inwardly. She should have guessed that she could meet the empress when she was leaving a room in the same hallway where the other woman's room was. This was still a great coincidence, but it wasn't a troublesome one. Blanche would just greet everyone and then leave after.
Seraphina stepped out of her room along with Noah and her two maids. For a moment, it seemed like she was focused on her goal already, but then she turned her head too soon and made eye contact with the concubine. Her face stayed neutral, but the irritation on her attendants' expressions made it quite obvious that they were confused about why the other woman was wearing such an attire right now.
Blanche just told herself to ignore that and put on a little smile while bowing her head.
The empress chose to be polite in return. She immediately steered toward Blanche and spoke up to greet her. “Good afternoon, Lady Blanche. You seem to be doing well. Is there a special occasion, or are you just spending some time taking care of yourself?”
Blanche was a little taken aback by that question. She hadn't expected that Seraphina would actually address topics like that when the empress usually hadn't said anything about her attires no matter what. She quickly made a curtsy before replying. “Good afternoon, Your Majesty. There is indeed a special occasion. I am on my way to the ballroom to do my best to infuriate His Grace, the Duke of Vasquez. He is currently speaking with Theo, and we wanted to annoy him a bit.” She felt almost childish while admitting that and quickly added the rest. “Since he seems to despise me, we hoped that he would reveal some secrets if I show up while being quite daring. That is why I fear that my attire may be a bit too flashy. I will go back to change as soon as we are done with that little plan.”
Though, it wasn't like Seraphina could scold her for wearing this either. At this point, it didn't matter much whether Blanche impersonated the empress. In the end, it seemed like Theodore had made his point already.