They reached the third floor without pausing once, and Theodore wanted to disappear inside his room immediately as well. He was acting like everything was fine again, but the fact that he hadn't seen the huge bouquet Stella was carrying revealed the truth. He only reacted when Blanche stopped by the door and took the flowers to hand them over to him.
Theodore stared at her with round eyes when she did that. “Are those for me? I didn't...”
She gave him a soft smile. “For who else would they be? There is only one person here that I love. This was just supposed to be a small distraction from the stress you currently have. You don't work for too long, but when you do, you always come back with a frown. So, I thought that this would be a good decoration. I don't know if the vase fits in your room since it was supposed to stand in your office, but it won't hurt to leave it here for now.”
A smile formed on her lover's lips as well as he slowly took the flowers in his hands. “Thank you. I didn't expect that. They're beautiful.” He lifted them to his face and took a deep breath before showing her his radiant beam again. “But they can't compare to you at all. I'm so glad that you are here with me.” He balanced the vase in one arm while linking the fingers of his other hand with hers.
Even now, his hold on her was tighter than normal, so Blanche knew that he still wasn't completely over what had happened. This day had to have destroyed him mentally. There had probably been some bad news about what his family and the Vasquez household were doing, and then the empress had chimed in to worsen his mood even more. It would make sense for him to be so dejected after all of that, especially when he had argued with his lover after too.
But Blanche wouldn't let him stay like this. When everyone was stressing him, she had to be there to cheer him up. She whipped her head around to Stella. “Please prepare a warm bath for us. Get some help and bring towels, soap, shampoo, rose petals and scented candles as well as matches.”
The maid didn't question her orders and just hurried off.
While all of this would be prepared, Blanche brought her lover into his room and shut the door behind them. She would do her best to make this evening wonderful so that it would serve as compensation for the entire day.
Blanche had pretty specific images in mind. It had to have looked strange how she was instructing the servants in the emperor's room while cuddling with her lover. But even if she had to describe what she wanted about a dozen times, it was worth it in the end.
The curtains were drawn so that the sunlight was dimmed, and a couple of candles were the main light source. The bubbles and the water reflected the countless small flames, and some rose petals were flowing around to add the final romantic touch. This scene was so cliche-like that she couldn't help but love it. In the end, it had taken an hour to prepare everything, but the water had the perfect temperature when the couple eventually slipped in.
In contrast to normal, Blanche chose to sit across from her lover. After all, she wouldn't let him take care of her and rest against him. She would pamper him today, and she already had a couple of ideas. But that would have to wait for a while.
As soon as Theodore sat in front of her, he pulled her toward him and wrapped his arms around her. She gladly accepted the embrace and began her mission in another way. She pressed kisses onto every bit of his skin that she could reach and began playing with his hair. It was unclear how long they remained like this, but when she leaned back to see his face, he was beaming at her. It looked like she had already made a step in the right direction.
Theodore lifted his hand to her cheek and stroked over her skin gently. “You are adorable, do you know that? There is nothing and no one in this world that could compare to you.”
Inwardly, Blanche congratulated herself for distracting him, but she wasn't done yet. She grinned at her lover and picked up a handful of the bubbles to spread them on his shoulder. “I certainly hope so. It would be horrible if there was someone just like me out there. Because they would fall for you in an instant, and I don't want any rivals.” She regretted saying that immediately.
Theodore's face fell, and he looked at her with much too much seriousness again. “There is no way that I'd ever be interested in anyone else. I will prove that to you as many times as it's necessary. I don't mind being extremely harsh to show that to others either.”
The concubine moved a bit closer to bring her face to his. “I know. Don't begin a fight with influential people because of something like this. Some people will always be interested in you because of your position and power. But you can't just push them away too rudely, especially since most nobles see marriages as nothing more than ways to gain supporters. I'm happy as long as you don't show them more than the usual politeness.” Even if she hated seeing him with people like Fiona anyway. Now that didn't seem like an issue anymore, but she wasn't sure whether she trusted this fully.
Theodore pulled her onto his lap again while nuzzling his face in her shoulder. “I'm always polite. Unless they begin to annoy me. If they do that, I don't mind being very clear about my feelings. But I think that the nobles are slowly beginning to understand after I declared my love for you at the tea party. No one has ever proposed me taking in another wife either, much like they didn't do it for the past few emperors, and I would shut down such talk immediately, so it will be fine. I swear on my life that I'll never be with anyone except for you.”
She raked her fingers through his dark blue hair and rested her chin on his shoulder. “You don't have to go that far. I believe you. I would never be interested in anyone either. It will just be the two of us forever.” At least she hoped that.
Her lover nodded slightly. “Until we have children, of course.”
Blanche bit her tongue and just nodded as well. She surely wouldn't ruin his mood by voicing her doubts about whether she would even be able to have children or whether her original role prevented her from experiencing that joy. She had no idea. This just pressured her more. Now that the issue about Theodore needing an heir with Seraphina seemed to be resolved, another problem arose. The emperor had to have a descendant. And if the concubine couldn't give birth to one, there needed to be another heir in one way or the other.
The concubine choked back those thoughts as she forced herself to raise her head and grin at her lover. “We don't have to plan that far ahead, right? Let's just think about this evening now.”
“That's right. I'm just thinking about nice things in the future. If I can look forward to that, everything feels better. But this evening is wonderful too. Did you have something specific in mind?”
She nodded at him as a genuine beam spread across her face. “I have some ideas. Today, I will indulge you. Turn your back to me.”
Theodore complied without questioning her. “That sounds good.” He gave her a moment to back away so that he had enough space to sit down facing the other way.
The concubine climbed onto her knees and took the small bowl from the edge of the bathtub. Then she began pouring water onto the emperor's head while being careful not to let any rush toward his face. She tilted his head backward and imitated what he always did when he was washing her hair. She put a small amount of shampoo on his head and slowly rubbed it into his scalp. Hopefully, this massage would feel as good to him as it always did to her.
At least it seemed like her effort paid off. Theodore relaxed more and more with every second, but she didn't stop yet. She would do her best to pamper him until the very end. She could only hope that this would make up for the horrible day. Indeed, it seemed like he was forgetting about the fight before, so she was doing something right.
The only issue was that her mind wasn't occupied with anything while massaging him. She did her best to focus on gentle and methodical movements, but her thoughts drifted off to the argument.
A part of her was angry at Seraphina for troubling the emperor at a moment in which he was already stressed due to other factors. While his family caused one problem after the other, it would be nice of the empress to hold back a bit for at least a few weeks. But at the same time, Theodore also hadn't been very kind to his wife, so Blanche understood why the heroine was upset. Still, the timing couldn't have been worse. One should be able to expect that the emperor would lose his temper more easily when he was exhausted. So, in the end, it was Seraphina's fault in some way too. Even if Theodore should have been a little more polite.
It was odd. The empress was clearly the one having been treated awfully here, so why was Blanche upset with her? She was rarely this opinionated on someone, but whatever Seraphina did, the concubine somehow never liked it. Was it because of her destiny as the villainess or because she had vivid memories of the empress leading a trial that might kill her? Either way, she recognized that she wasn't acting rationally here and scolded herself for it.
No matter how much Blanche tried to stop herself, she noticed that she was frowning at some point and forced herself to relax. She wanted to spend a nice evening with her lover. She shouldn't focus on the fight the whole time, or she might ruin her own mood when she should be enjoying the time with Theodore instead.
But it was hard to tell herself that everything was fine when this had been the worst fight between the spouses that she had ever witnessed. Surely, those two were stubborn so that arguments had always occurred frequently, and in many cases, the concubine had been the reason for that.
However, this time, the royal couple had been much more upset than normal. In the past, Theodore had always treated the empress with respect and acknowledged her power. But today had been different. He was probably much more stressed than he admitted to being.
Blanche doubled her effort to give him the most relaxing massage imaginable at that thought. She began pressing a few soft kisses onto his back and ran her fingers over his skin whenever she moved them away from his head for a while. At this point, his scalp had to tingle already, right? Her hands were beginning to feel strained from working the whole time, and she still wasn't ready to stop. Even though the protesting muscles in her arms were increasingly harder to ignore and the air felt pretty cold in comparison to the warm water.
The concubine fought the urge to lay down in favor of keeping her body upright for even longer. Giving up still wasn't an option. Theodore always did this for her, so she should be able to do it once too. She didn't know how long she massaged her lover, but eventually, he turned around to her. She was disappointed and relieved at the same time and used this chance to lower her arms. “Are you getting bored? Maybe we should wash your body next.” She could use that excuse to massage his back and shoulders a bit. He had to be tense after sitting in his office.
The emperor just grinned at her and extended his arms toward her. “How could I get bored when my angel is taking care of me? I would just like to return the favor.”
For the first time in her life, she shook her head at that. “I want to make you feel better, not the other way around. You worked the whole day, and I just went to the winter garden to get flowers. The one who needs relaxation is obviously you.”
Theodore raised an eyebrow at her. “I think you forgot that I made it my strict rule not to work more than two hours a day. I barely do a portion of what I used to do. Mostly, it's just one hour of work and one hour of training. So, I certainly don't need as much pampering to get back on my feet even if I will never complain about receiving it. Today was just...” His expression fell. “Today, I wasn't really productive since I had to write while ignoring someone unpleasant yelling at me, but I can't change that.” The fact that he actually had the nerves to work on his contracts while the empress wished to talk to him only showed that he had to have been in a terrible mood. The memory alone upset him. The emperor paused for a moment before a small smile appeared on his lips. “On second thought, I would like to have some more affection. Can I get that?” He lifted his arms and stretched them out in her direction again.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
Blanche didn't hesitate to fall into his embrace this time. If he wanted to cuddle, there was no way she would refuse him. His massage could wait a few minutes. She wrapped her arms around his neck as she rested her head on his shoulder and held still for a moment.
Like this, a few minutes of silence followed. But of course, neither of them fully stopped thinking.
Theodore began without anything prompting him to speak. “I don't trust Duke Vasquez. He is...” He was quiet for a moment before continuing in a more careful voice. “Similar to the dowager empress in some way.”
The concubine compared those two with each other in her mind. Their appearance wasn't similar. Claude's wife was Camille's sister, and he supported her faction, but apart from that, the concubine didn't see many similarities at first glance. But the more she thought about it, the more she found. “I understand what you mean. Both have the same level of arrogance. They believe that they can say anything they want and aren't even keeping quiet when you point it out. They get angry easily too and show it without worry. But more than any of that, I would say that their sons are similar. Cedar is worse, obviously, but Lord Vasquez is unpleasant too.” She couldn't help but see Luciano as a less unsettling version of Cedar. It made sense for them to be so similar. Their mothers were sisters after all. Though, Cedar was filled with a lot more trauma.
Theodore paused for a few seconds as if he was pondering something before responding. “I can see what you mean. Both smile often. Lord Vasquez does it like his father though. He obviously shows that he has bad intentions through his complacent smirk. My brother's acting is a bit better.”
“I don't think missing acting skills are the issue. I saw both of them up close. Lord Vasquez can act if he wants to. He just doesn't see the need to do so. After all, he can live with other people being intimidated. As long as he gets them to obey like this, it's fine. But Cedar wants to become the emperor. He needs people to believe that he is a gentle and wise ruler. To be accepted, he would have to be better than you after all. And since the only bad part of your reputation is connected to the rumors about you being a tyrant, he would have to act differently from that. He needs the nobles to like him so that they would accept his reign. He has to keep up a facade.” One that probably was meant to fool himself as much as it fooled others. “But the smile isn't everything that makes them similar. They are both horrible people, don't care for others' attempts at keeping them at a distance and ignore my wishes for personal space. I didn't interact with any of them that often, but that was bad enough already.”
Theodore listened, and his expression became grimmer with every word. When she finished, he buried his face in her neck again. “I knew it. Why does everyone from my family have to be horrible? It should be obvious, but the dowager empress should have never become my father's wife. If he had cared for his children's safety more than for political balance, he might have noticed that stripping her of her title would have been for the best. He could have divorced her and spared me and Cedar a lot of trouble. That woman turned a little boy that could have been a good person into a psychopath. I wish I could have done something earlier.”
This wasn't his fault. Blanche wanted to remind him of that, but then she noticed that he wasn't done yet and listened again.
Her lover pressed his nose into her skin and kept quiet for a moment before continuing. “When I saw Cedar for the first time, he was a baby. I knew how awful my mother was. I should have pressured my father into giving Cedar to Althea too. But instead, I just hoped that I would be left alone by that crazy woman and that she would busy herself so that I would never see her again. The next time I met my brother, he was a toddler. He was barely two years old and glared at me already as soon as the dowager empress said my name. Apparently, she has trained him to hate me. I should have done something earlier.” So, he did feel bad for Cedar despite never admitting it.
Blanche could understand that well. The reason for Cedar's behavior was clearly his mother, and removing her early could have allowed him to have a normal relationship with his brother. Could that family bond be mended? Blanche wasn't sure, not after all that had happened.
Theodore seemed like he wanted to stop speaking here, but he continued anyway. “If I had moved in the past, then we wouldn't be here now. I should have dealt with the Vasquez family earlier too. If I had begun researching their shops, I could have taken away their titles because of their crimes. It would have been called petty by other nobles, but it would be the right thing to do when someone evades taxes and smuggles forbidden goods. Aside from that, no one would have complained. But I just had to wait until my dear family is back, and now I need to be much more careful. Now I had Claude and Luciano Vasquez in prison and was forced to let them go. Do you know how frustrating that is? They are guilty and still get to roam around freely because of a stupid title.” He sighed quietly and nuzzled his face into her neck.
Blanche gave him a chance to say that he wanted to end the conversation because he was exhausted, but when he didn't, she replied. “Don't blame yourself for things like that. You're only human. You can never see the whole picture or know what everyone is planning. It's impossible. You can't look into the future.” Even if she might be able to do that. “So, it's only natural that you would act differently now. With all the knowledge you gained, you are bound to make other decisions. I mean, how else would you move forward in life?”
Theodore didn't react much to her words. He didn't even nod despite the obvious truth she had voiced.
It felt like she had said something wrong.
Blanche paused for a moment to choose the right words and tried to ignore how her stomach churned as she hurried to speak before Theodore. “I mean your childhood. When your brother was born, you were five. How can you be angry at yourself for not thinking about what a horrible parent could do to a child back then? You were never at fault. The dowager empress is the evil one. Unfortunately, Cedar is our enemy now too, but he had countless chances to stop helping his mother after the trial six years ago. He was put in confinement at the other end of the capital and still doesn't get that he was wrong to help the one behind that attack.” Blaming Cedar was the easiest option, but Blanche knew well that the situation was a bit more complicated than that. “And naturally, the Vasquez family also chose to help the dowager empress freely.” To be honest, that might be a bit more problematic in some other way too. “You know that they are vile. If you needed to release them because of the law, then it's unfortunate, but we can't do anything about it.”
Theodore took a moment longer to move to the topic she had proposed. He forced himself to focus on this though. As she finished talking, he smiled against her skin, but the corners of his lips quickly sank. “It's not about the law at all. As the emperor, I can do whatever I want to. I almost did something really bad a while ago, and still, I don't have any sympathy. I only released Duke Vasquez because I knew that the dowager empress would use this as a chance to portray me as a tyrant again. There would be much more efficient ways to deal with all of this, with all of them. I think that I wouldn't even care if their blood is on my hands. But because I fear that I may do something too horrible, I hold myself back. If this causes anyone innocent to get hurt, I will never forgive myself. The logical part of my brain tells me that the easiest solution is having a trial and preparing enough evidence to accuse them of a revolt. It would be too simple because I know some things about them that they haven't grasped yet. The outcome of that trial would be decided from the very beginning, and then everything would finally be calm superficially. But...that wouldn't get rid of their supporters. The capital still wouldn't be safe. And since I would lose my chance to pull out those traitors, I would have to get rid of them in illegal ways during the next few years while leaving behind a trail of blood. I would be like Camille. That is the last thing I want.”
That made Blanche's heart ache. It seemed like her lover was burdening himself with way more than he had told her about. Maybe that was why the topic today had been so upsetting to him. The concubine waited until she was sure that he finished before responding. “You're not like her. As I said, the fact that you don't want to harm anyone is proof enough that you are a good person.”
“There are people I wish to harm though. I did some terrible things. I'm even doing some terrible things now. I know that this isn't a kind solution, but I need to burn out those that are plotting against us. If they are barely able to keep their head over water, they are more prone to messing up. I won't corner them too much since they would get very ugly then, but I am doing my best to trouble them in every way imaginable. And that isn't all. There are some people that I want to hurt, not just to protect myself. I hate them so much that I want them to suffer, and I can barely hold back when I see them. When I faced that person, I already had my hand on the sword handle a couple of times. I need to control myself more in the future. But I know that I'm only waiting for them to make an error. I just need them to lose their temper at a place with witnesses, and then I can claim that it was self-defense. Normally, people don't think like that. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I do. But I...thought I got better because...” He stopped there.
That was a dangerous mindset to have. But in the emperor's position, it might be a logical one.
Blanche didn't know whom exactly he was referring to when he mentioned someone he wanted dead, but she could think of several people Theodore might hate. All of those had one thing in common. “You only feel like this when they hurt you first. Remember that you're not a normal person too. Even if you are human, you are the emperor. There are so many that wish you harm. You need to protect yourself and did so ever since your childhood. Obviously, you'd see things a bit differently than people who grew up without a care. It's understandable. I won't ever blame you for those thoughts. Everything you do is for a reason, so I would never blame you for anything in general.”
The emperor patted her head and gently tangled his fingers into her hair. “I know. I will never blame you either. You could wish to eliminate a whole country, and I would be fine with it as long as I can stay by your side.” That was a bit excessive, but he had made his stance clear. But Theodore wasn't even done yet. He continued to rub small circles on her scalp and played with her hair while speaking. “I should have done this way earlier. I will find a way to apologize for every situation in which I asked you to hold back. Especially when it came to being together with me in public. That was stupid.”
She opened her mouth to object. Both of them knew very well why they had hidden their relationship, and the reason was logical. Securing the political stability of a nation was more important than cuddling in the middle of a ball after all.
But she didn't get to voice her opinion since Theodore already continued. “I longed to hold you no matter who was watching and should have just done that. I should never have demanded that you attend a ball and stand in the corner the whole time I was busy doing all kinds of things. Acting like that only made people believe that I will force you to stay silent to avoid Duke Duremont's anger if it's necessary. That is what made him and his family think that they could control us with a few threats. How foolish. From now on, I will always stand by your side and show that you are on my eye level and not just a guest of the royal palace. Choosing that very title for you was stupid since it made it seem like you would only stay here temporarily. I should have seen that coming. It was clear from the very beginning that not being honest would only cause issues. I even should have revealed everything before the wedding. Then we would not have this predicament now.”
Blanche lifted her head to see that her lover's expression had darkened by now. All of her efforts of raising his spirits were going down the drain now. She would have to steer against the current. Otherwise, the evening would continue in a less pleasant mood.
She put her hand under his chin and laid her lips on his. She had intended to be gentle, but Theodore quickly took over more passionately. When she pulled away, she was out of breath, which earned her a soft smile.
The emperor rolled a strand of her hair around his finger and lifted it to his mouth to kiss it without moving his eyes away from hers. “I can't believe how lucky I am. The gods must really have been pleased that day.” Did he mean the day they had met? Or a different event?
The concubine slowly moved forward to lean against his torso and looked up at him. “I can assure you that I feel like they are being extremely gracious with me.” After all, someone had granted her the memories of the novel and thus given her permission to change her fate. There was no way that she could ever be grateful enough for that. “Being with you is the most wonderful gift I could have received. I should be praying every day. But I'm not that patient, so don't make me do that.”
Theodore's smile widened a bit. “I won't make you do anything. No one in the whole nation will. You are free to do anything you want. You have my permission to upset everyone that annoys or offends you too. If they ask, say that the emperor is the one backing you.”
She almost rolled her eyes at that. “There you go again. I could list many reasons why that would be a horrible idea, but we weren't talking about that at all. I could also give you speeches about how you shouldn't be upset about what you did before. You were making logical decisions that were ultimately for the best. We only had to bring a few sacrifices to reach that ending. But as I mentioned, that's not important. I just wanted to say that I'm happy. The fact that you are with me overjoys me so much that I can't put it into words. That's why I want to pamper you today. You burdened yourself with too many stressful conversations, so you should lean back and relax while I take care of you.”
Theodore looked like he wanted to respond with something else, but he kept quiet. At least for a moment before he couldn't hold himself back anymore. “Those sacrifices shouldn't have been made. We could have done the right thing from the beginning. I just didn't see the truth, and knowing that hurts. Even if I don't have the right to complain.” He averted his eyes and covered up his dejected expression with a sad smile. “But now I will do the right thing. I will make everything perfect. You just have to trust me, and I will make sure that we can be happy together.”
For a split second, Blanche just wanted to accept those words. Then she remembered that there shouldn't be anything Theodore had done wrong. She certainly didn't remember anything like that. How could she? So, she decided to just ignore what he had said, which she always did when he said such things.
Theodore thankfully didn't notice her averted gaze. Slowly, his grin began to look a bit more natural. “I am going to pamper you in this life. And since that is what fills me with joy, you will have to accept it. That's why you need to let me wash your hair now too. No buts. I'm already done, but you still haven't washed at all.”
Blanche had opened her mouth to refuse all he said but closed it again when he said that he wouldn't accept a no. If she was honest, she would be happy about a small massage now too. But at the same time, she didn't want to make this about her when he normally paid attention to her the whole time anyway. She had planned on indulging him for the day, and now he was turning it around again.
Her emotions had to have shown on her face since Theodore pinched her cheek gently. “Let me do that. I will be much happier afterward. Touching you always calms me down, so this is a perfect way to make both of us content. I know how much you adore me playing with your hair.” He wasn't lying about that.
The concubine certainly loved it to rest her head on his lap while he massaged her head and picked up her locks to twist them around his fingers. It was addicting. So, she found it hard to refuse, especially since he was looking at her with round puppy eyes. She could barely stand the thought of denying him. If he was asking for it so nicely, she had no issue with it either. She stole a short kiss from him before sitting up and turning around to show her back to him.
Theodore didn't waste a second and picked up the bowl she had previously used. He carefully guided her back to pour the water over her head while covering her eyes with his hand. Then he began massaging the shampoo into her hair in a similarly dedicated manner as she had done before. He had her slouching against him and sighing in bliss within a minute.
Blanche just knew that he was grinning at her for that, but she didn't open her eyes to check. For now, she would allow him to have his fun. She had a few ideas on how to make the evening even better, and she intended on trying out all of them. She wouldn't let her lover be upset for the rest of the day. Busying him with something while giving her all to pamper him shouldn't be too hard.
After all, he was just happy to be with her even though that didn't solve any of their problems.